Carleen Tanner's Positive Parenting
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Mini Lesson (By Sister Tanner)

6/27/2013

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I love the scripture in Alma 37:6-7.  It says that by small and simple things great things are brought to pass.  Sometimes as we think about summer time activities, we think the big and costly family vacations are the best memory makers.  It does not always have to be the "big" things that we hold most dear.  This morning I was able to take three of my grandchildren to the temple to do baptisms for the dead.  For Chelsea, it was the first time she had ever been.  What a blessing and a sweet experience to spend time together in the temple and yet it was a small and simple thing. 

I love the talk by Dallin Oaks on "Good Better and Best".  In it he shares an experience:
"In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent."

"Good, Better, Best"  by Dallin H. Oaks

Find time this summer for the small and simple things that matter most.

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Summer Time (mini lesson)

6/19/2013

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I love the summer time.  It always seemed to me that during the school year things were so busy that there was never time to teach my children the things I wanted them to learn.  Summer was wonderful because it gave me the time I needed.  Summer for me, was never a "vacation".  I worked harder then than I did during the school year.  However, it was so much fun.  Children that are bored are cranky and contentious.  Children that spend too much time with electronics feel entitled and lazy.  The key to a happy summer is to create order and keep them busy doing good things.  They do need some free time, but it should not be the majority of the day.
Last lesson I made a few suggestions about how to order the daily routine.  Now I want to make a few suggestions about activities that you may find productive.

  • Children can learn and should do their own laundry, if they are too young to do their own, they can help sort by color, fold and put away the family laundry
  • Have them be in charge of a meal.  For younger children that may mean that they help you plan, prepare, and clean up dinner on an assigned weekly night.  When they are a little older, they can be responsible for doing it by themselves.  A child 10 and older can prepare simple meals.  If you really want to have a little fun, give them some money and let them plan, shop, prepare and clean up dinner.  They can be responsible for doing dinner on a weekly basis.
  • Reading is important.  Libraries have wonderful summer reading programs.  You need to make some requirements that they read history, biographies, science, good literature and make book reports to the family at home evening.
  • Service projects are a must.  Find someone in the neighborhood or ward that they can serve.  My daughter had each of her children choose someone to serve for the summer.  This could mean babysitting, lawn mowing, weed pulling, just visiting a care facility each week.  Family service projects are wonderful where the whole family can serve together.  The service needs to be done without pay and should require some sacrifice and working beyond comfort or it loses its value.
  • This is a good time to introduce new hobbies to your children.  Help them learn to use their hands and minds to create something.  Teach them (or find someone who can teach them) to sew, crochet, knit, cook, swim, play chess, work with wood, fish, play golf.  They need to learn how to do something new.
  • Help them with an exercise program--do it with them
  • Do a city run together
  • Once a week have a field day and go to the museum, or the zoo, or the Fish and Game Discovery park.  Boise is full of wonderful sites to see that cost nothing or very little.
  • Have them plan and prepare a family outing to the mountains for a cookout or anything that is fun for your family but have them do the planning so they can learn the skill of being a leader.
  • Work with them on their scouting and YW personal progress
  • Have a family council and decide what are some family goals that you want to achieve this summer and plan a way to make some of them happen
  • Put them in charge of a part of the garden, or your yard work
  • Plan a home improvement project and teach them new skills to make it happen instead of doing it yourself ie paint a bedroom, wash all the windows in the house, remodel a room, finish a basement, do deep cleaning, put up a backyard fence.......

Summer teaching is so rewarding.  They will still complain, but it will be a fulfilling experience for them and they will feel good about themselves.  You may choose to have an occasional "pajama day"  where they really do get the day off, but those should be the exception and not the rule.  Summer will require you to work hard to plan and prepare the activities that you want them to do.  It will be a lot more rewarding and in the end and you will not be quite ready for them to go back to school. 

Have a great summer!
Sister Tanner

"In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent."

"Good, Better, Best"  by Dallin H. Oaks
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Mini Lesson from Sister Tanner

6/14/2013

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Sunday is Father's Day.  Women do not realize the wonderful influence they can have on their husbands.  Women can have great power for good over the hearts of men if they will be gentle and kind.
President Faust (Ensign Sept 2006 pg 4) said:  "Let every mother understand that if she does anything to diminish her children's father or the father's image in the eyes of the children, it may injure and do irreparable damage to the self-worth and personal security of the children themselves.  How infinitely more productive and satisfying it is for a woman to build up her husband rather than tear him down.  You women are so superior to men in so many ways that you demean yourselves by belittling manhood.  I make two suggestions:  First sustain and respect the father in his position; second, give him love, understanding, and some appreciation for his efforts."

What a great Father's Day gift it would be if we could focus on giving our spouse the gift of these two suggestions. 

Make it a happy day.   Sister Tanner
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Mini Lesson (from Sister Tanner)

6/2/2013

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Welcome Summer!  I remember as a child how wonderful this time of the year was.  Summer vacation!  As a mother, I wondered how to make it a positive experience without going crazy.  The first week is glorious, relaxing, with a little sleeping in.  Then comes the complaints, "I'm bored!"  and the arguing.

Summer can be such a precious time to teach children and to spend time together.  Usually as the summer goes along we simply react to our children and by the end we are just trying to keep from going crazy.  The key to making this a great time is to make a plan.  We need to have a plan for our daily routine and goals for some fun things that we want to do.  Children are a lot happier and more secure if there is order in their lives and they can see accomplishments from day to day.

There is no one right schedule, but your children need to know what the expectation will be in your home for the summer.  Children that have self discipline and are achieving something positive will be a lot happier than those who are responsible for only a few simple chores and then allowed to be on electronics or out playing for the rest of the day.  That kind of freedom leads to attitudes of entitlement, laziness and contention.

  • I used to get my children up and we would have scriptures.
  • Then they would get dressed and we would have breakfast.
  • We would have a fun exercise time and then everyone would have jobs to do.
  • I tried to keep them busy until almost lunch time.
  • After lunch they would have quiet time where they were to read books.
  • The afternoon was for family field trips, swimming, learning new crafts and hobbies, and doing service projects.
  • A couple of days a week they would have play time in the afternoons.

It takes a lot of planning to help your children have positive time in the summer but it is all worth it.  Next week I will share some fun work ideas, some fun play ideas and some fun ideas about helping them discover a new hobby.

This is such precious time, we need to make the most of it.!! 

HAPPY SUMMER!!
Sister Tanner

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    Carleen Tanner

    Notes from classes and other information will be posted here.  Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared.  You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question.

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