A couple new developments....

Sister Tanner now has a YouTube Channel!  We are going to upload the classes there.  If you click "Subscribe" you will be notified when new videos are uploaded.  

Here is the first class.....

Homework for this week....

1. Read the introduction to the syllabus with real intent
2. Read and ponder the "Ponder Questions" in the syllabus
3. Read, study, & take notes on "Teaching in the Home--A Joyful & Sacred Responsibility" by Devin Durrant.   Have prayer before you do it.  Make a list of what the Spirit tells you.

​“Courageous Parenting” is a philosophy for parenting.  You can love your children and love the role of parent and be very strict. 
 
What I hope you realize is that if you would take those talks and pulled your notes together you would be astounded how they say the same thing over and over.  They are giving the very same counsel.  These are those we sustain as prophets, seers, and revelators. 
 
It’s important.  It’s true.  At night you get down on your knees as a mother you pray for the safety and well being of your children.  I think Heavenly Father must think…how many times have I told you that and given you the way to save your children.  I did it because I love you and your children.  It’s so different from the world and we think how do we make them popular in the world and still bring them to Christ.  Sometimes we can’t.  We have to choose what is most important. 
 
Listen to Conference that is coming up in a couple of weeks.  Conference will be focused on what do we need to do to save our families, our children, and ourselves in this wicked world.  Because of the loudness of the world members will start doubting and slide out of the gospel. 
 
Is it bad to have questions?  No.  That’s how we learn and grow.  

“Come as you are, but don’t plan to stay as you are.” Elder Jeffrey R Holland
 
We need to create an environment where it’s safe to change and they want to change. 
 
Principle is something that is true no matter what time or age or stage. 
Practice is how someone does something.  They can be different for each family.
 
This class is about percentages.  If you do it wrong 100% of the time then you do it right 3x then you have improved.  It’s not about becoming perfect.  This is about seeking to become different.  It takes a long time to start doing things differently.  Be easy on yourself.  You are a good parent because you are here and you have that desire. 
 
My goal for you…at the end of this semester you have decided to change 2 things and do differently in your home.  If you do 2 this will be a successful class for you. 
 
Most of you parent the way you were parented because you don’t know anything else.  How often have you been correcting your children and you hear your mother?  You have said, “I will never do that when I’m a mother.”  You don’t know anything else so you revert to what happened to you.  If you didn’t like the way you were parented we get the attitude that you will not parent that way. 
 
Parenting doesn’t come with an instruction book.  Just when you think you got it you get another child that messes up the whole program.  Or they turn 13!  It’s like they go to bed one night and wake up the next morning awful. 
 
We have to build our parenting on principles.  Principles are the same no matter what.  How we apply the principles is going to be different, but the principle is the foundation and it remains the same. 
 
We tend to look at rules.  This class isn’t about teaching a rule to force children to do what you want them to do.  This class is about teaching children to be responsible and govern themselves and use their agency wisely. 
 
Answer these questions….

1. What do I do well as a parent?  What is my strong suit as a parent?
2. What do I think I need to improve most on?  What is the first step that I can do to cause that to happen?
3. When will I start that?
4. How can I make my spouse more happy?

 
What is your style of parenting? 
 
Helicopter Parent:  You hover over your children.  If they forget something at school you run it over to them.  If they are having a problem you go talk to the teacher.  You hover because you love them and want to take care of them. 
 
Lawn Mower Parent:  Goes before the child and create a clear path.  Mom solves problems before that happens.
 
Both of those types are detrimental to the child.
 
Referee Parent:  Parent has good desires, but doesn’t know how to implement it.  In order to raise a responsible child you tell them everything they do wrong so they can improve and become better.  You focus on everything they do wrong. We think when we tell them what they are doing wrong they are hearing what they should do right.  This creates children who feel guilty and like they can never be enough or do anything right. 
 
Example:  Stop hitting!  We think they hear “I need to be kind and not hit someone.”
 
Your intention doesn’t dictate the value of what you do.  They are reacting to your behavior.  You look at the negative and focus on the negative.  We need to become the coach. 
 
Coach Parent:  Teach them on the positive.  Teach them what they want to do.  Comment specifically on what they are doing right that you like.  We need to focus on telling them what’s right instead of what’s wrong. 
 
“The Collapse of Parenting” by Leonard Sax
 
He says our children today are being most influenced by their peers.  They care more about what their peers say and think instead of what parents say and think.  What are you doing with your children?  We want them involved in every sport.  We push them into peer situations too early.  We push our kids out and put them on electronics.  How many of the ‘good shows’ make the parent look like a dummy and their peers are smarter than the parent.  Peers banded together and were disrespectful to adults.  Children can get super sassy to adults, but now they are becoming that way to each other. 
 
“What does it mean to assert your authority as a parent?  It doesn’t mean being a tough disciplinarian.  It means ensuring the parent/child takes precedence over the peer relationship with the child.” 
 
If that is your goal then how does that change what you put your children in.  If you push your children out to become involved we are making sure they aren’t bonding with us. 
 
“Benefits of parental authority matters because then they can teach right from wrong.  They can prioritize attachments in the family over peers. They can educate desire instilling a longing for better thing in their own character.”
 
It is critical to have a one-on-one personal relationship with each child.  That has to be developed before we can create the desire to do right things.  This is different than a list of rules.  When you develop the close relationship and educate their desire.  Does that mean we don’t have rules?  No.  You have to understand what you are talking about.  Rules by themselves will not take children where you want them to go.  The relationship needs to be established early on.  It’s easiest to establish early on.  You can always establish a relationship.  It’s just done in a different way. 
 
In pulling them into this culture of family and away from the peer culture and helping them see what is most important. 
 
Basic emotional needs:

1.  Sense of belonging
2.  They have something to contribute
3.  Individually respected and loved

 
 I want my children to leave our home saying “I’m so glad to be a Tanner!”  What does that mean to be a Tanner? 
 
Study by Brent Top @ BYU—The successful youth could say what their family stood for.  When he asked the troubled youth what they stood for they didn’t know.  There wasn’t a picture of what it meant to be in that family.
 
We need to create an image of what it means to be in your family. 
 
HOMEWORK:  Create a Family Mission Statement
 
This is what you stand for.  This is 2 part.  It is what do you want it to look like.  What do we want this family to look like.  The 2nd part is what are we going to do to become that. 
 
The purpose of the mission statement is to help your family work to the goal of becoming what you say you want your family to be.  Once you have made it put it on your wall.  Put it on the wall in every bedroom.  As you say your evening prayers at night recite your family mission statement.  Teach it and train it.  Have it be visual.  When they start to behave in a way that is not in compliance with the mission statement then you use this as a training tool. 
 
Example:  We agreed as a family that we work hard.  You agreed to that too.
 
You have to use it.  You can’t just create it.  This should be a family project.  As a family figure it out. 
 
HOMEWORK:  Create a family motto.
 
The family needs to memorize and recite the family mission statement.  This is the glue.  This is who we are.  They like it and they want to be it.  Create a unity in the home with the family mission statement. 
 
Order in your home will create peace. 
 
When a child goes to kindergarten they learn how to line up, where to put their stuff, where to sit, circle time, weather chart, birthdays.  This creates security and they blossom.  If children know what they are doing day after day they don’t argue with the teacher because they know what is going to happen during the day.  With the routine you eliminate the contention and confusion.  When there is no structure there is chaos and the opportunity to argue about what they want to do. 
 
If you have never done this in your home you will have a great deal of flack.  It’s always easier to start narrow and let it get broader.  If you’ve given them too much and bring it back in it’s harder.  If you have little people keep it narrow.  Teach and train them while they are young and they will know what to do when they are older.  Stop letting your children parent.  Parent by principle.
 
In Genesis Heavenly Father created the world.  Everything was created spiritually first before it was physical.  You come up with the plan and order that you think will work best.  You don’t go to family council and say…”What would you like to do?” 
 
Create the plan.
Present the plan.  They will grown up knowing this is what we do at our house.  They just know that.  There will be days when they check the boundaries, but it’s not a dynamite experience. 
 
D&C 88:124
Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.
 
If you get enough sleep in the morning your mind will be clear.  You need to go to bed earlier and get up earlier.  If you will be up dressed and ready to meet the day with morning prayers & scriptures before you children get out of bed you will get more done during the day and with a happier attitude.
 
Pg 13 in the syllabus
 
You can’t develop the relationship with the family when they are attached to peers.  Being attached on electronics keeps them attached to their peers.  All phones and all electronics need to be docked and you have access to reviewing them.  After the kids are in bed you can undock yours.  You should have yours docked the same time they do.  There should never be cell phones at the table ever!  Evening hours should be family time.  We need to watch carefully their electronics. 
 
You need to smile daily!  We need to make that a habit.  Tell your face you are happy. 
 
A meet & greet daily!  Meet your children when they are going out and when they are coming in.  Meet/greet with a touch and a smile. 
 
Rites of Passage---need to be few in your family.  BUT whatever you decide they are they are not negotiable.  This is something that happens only at a certain age.  There is no distinguishing between ages.  There is nothing saying you are older and you have more responsibilities and more privileges. 
 
Baptism—8
Date—16
Mission—18/19
 
Example:

• Age 6 you don’t have to have a nap or quiet time.
• Staying up later at night.
• When you can wear makeup
• When you can get a cell phone
• When you can get your ears pierced.

 
You need to have a few that they can look forward to.
 
“A House United”  By Nicholeen Peck
 

• Turn 16—Their first date has to be with the opposite parent. 

 
We forget to teach them the responsibility part.  Teach that up front them give them the privilege.
 
HOMEWORK: 
Read these conference talks.  Make a list of Parenting ideas from them

• Sister Joy Jones “A Sin Resistant Generation”  May 2017 Ensign
• Larry Lawrence “Courageous Parenting”  November 2010 Ensign
• Create a family mission statement
• Create a family motto

 
Bruce R McKonkie  “Be Valiant in the Faith” 1974
“As members of the Church, we are engaged in a mighty conflict. We are at war. We have enlisted in the cause of Christ to fight against Lucifer and all that is lustful and carnal and evil in the world. We have sworn to fight alongside our friends and against our enemies, and we must not be confused in distinguishing friends from foes.”
 
Joy Jones “A Sin Resistant Generation”
“Today the war continues with increased intensity. The battle touches us all, and our children are on the front lines facing the opposing forces. Thus, the need intensifies for us to strengthen our spiritual strategies.  How to “bring up [our] children in light and truth”7 may be a challenging question since it is individualized for each family and each child, but Heavenly Father has given universal guidelines that will help us.”
 
Parent with righteous intentional parenting! 

​Class member:  I put a paper on the wall and the kids got to write on the wall what their family was like and how they got there.
 
Class member:  We did our family motto last night for FHE.  My 7 year old was really cute.  I had them write down what the “best version of their family could be”.  I talked to them about ‘let’s shake hell’ and they thought it was funny.  The older ones thought that was cool.  They have 4 older boys.
 
When you break it down to ‘what does it look like’ and ‘how do we get there’. 
 
Class member:  I was in here last year and we got all excited.  Then I’m not crafty.  I went to a craft store and they did the letters, but I was going to have to do the rest.  I printed it out so I could have a copy. 
 
Have a FHE about something in your missionary statement.  You need to teach to it so it becomes your family.  It needs to be hung and referred to, but then you have to actually incorporate it into daily living.
 
Class member:  We created a family song. 
 
This takes awhile to settle in.  The sooner you do it the sooner your family starts having a vision and feeling like they bond together.  It makes them start feeling closer knit. 
 
Class member:  I don’t feel like my family knows who we are and that we are headed in the same direction.  Even though we are trying I’m worried that if I sit down and say let’s make a mission statement.  I don’t know that my family would come up with that when we sat down together.  I don’t want them to question who we are.  I don’t want it to be anti-climatic.  I fear it will highlight where we lack.
 
There are people in the room who have an active or inactive spouse who parent different.  What’s the purpose of the mission statement?  To bring us together.  We sometimes have unreal expectations.  What you want to do is create a vision for your family.  It may not say temple marriage or missions.  If you can get your family to bind to your family it will help. 
 
Class member:  I thought it might be best if we took it in little steps.  What are some adjectives that describe our family?  What do we like to do?  (Verbs).  We are taking it step by step.  Then we will create goals.
 
Class member:  I think these are really good ideas.  I have such little kids that I never said anything about a temple marriage. 
 
A 4-yr old has a hard time visualizing temple marriage, but he can understand being kind and sharing.  When the time is right the Spirit will testify and help you move forward with it. 
 
Class member:  I have kids from 22 to 11.  We are so set in habits is it too late?
 
Most of the habits you are set in are good habits, but they aren’t visual habits.  Most of us are visual learners.  We like to read and see the proclamation and the scriptures.  It is critical with kids your age for them to have input.  The other thing that is critical is that you are setting a precedent in your families now so when they have their own families they can do that in theirs.
 
Class member:  Your younger children will have a different experience rather than the older kids. 

​We often let our children act and then we step in to train, but our teaching is teaching them what ‘not’ to do and assume they are hearing what you want them to do. 
 
When we say ‘don’t slam the door’ we think they are hearing ‘close the door quietly’. 
 
All of us are focused on the negatives not the positives.
 
You cannot build a positive if it is built on a negative!!
 
If you want to produce a positive family we have to teach and train in a positive way. 
 
Think about these 5 questions….

1. What do I want my family to look like?
2. What things do I need to do to make that a reality?
3. What things do I need to stop doing?
4. How can I help my family become united in what we want to become?
5. How can I help each member of the family feel important and needed?

 
Class member:  Last night for FHE I asked my kids ‘if we were the best possible family what would we be.’  They kept saying all the things we needed to stop doing.  I asked them what positive things we could do to help our family.  We are going to pick something to work on each day.  This week I think we should pick 1 act of service for each person in the family each day this week.  It was hard to get them to not look at the negative and focus on the positive.
 
Class member:  I have a friend who works in the prison with the hardened criminals.  They do what they do because they don’t know what to do.  They want a specific result, but they don’t know how to get that result.  The criminals don’t like the response they get, but they don’t know what to do to get a different result.  We need to fill them with what ‘to do’. 
 
It’s interesting to watch how many times you are saying the negative instead of teaching them what we do want them to do.
 
Class member:  I have a 7 yr old girl and 3 yr old son.  They were playing well together and I felt like I needed to tell them they were doing the right thing. 
 
We need to teach our children what they are doing right and how they need to be.  Our children need to have the big vision to see what they are actually going for. 
 
Mormonad “Without a Goal”
 
We have to develop a system in our home so they can see if they are improving and so we can see if they are improving.
 
Heavenly Father presented a plan.  We had a vote on it.  If we didn’t know what it was we couldn’t have made an opinion on it.  Heavenly Father put that plan in order.  Heavenly Father spiritually made the plan. 
 
When you build a house there is a separate sheet for each thing…plot, foundation, electrical, framing, etc.  The inspector checks to see that everything is right because the plans are on sight all the time.  They can look at the work and make sure it is up to grade.  If it isn’t right they red tag it and they have to fix it and have it reinspected before they can go forward with any other building. 
 
Heavenly Father did that too.  He created everything spiritually before he created them temporally.  Heavenly Father is our prototype.  We need to parent in a way that has never been seen before except in how our Heavenly Father has parented.
 
President Boyd K. Packer said…
“The ultimate purpose of the adversary, who has great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time is to disrupt, disturb, and to destroy the home and family.  The family is safe within the Church.  We are not in doubt as to the course we must follow.  It was given in the beginning, and guidance from on high is renewed as need may be.  The distance between the church and the world set on a course which we cannot follow will steadily increase. Some will fall away into apostasy, break their covenants, and replace the plan of redemption with their own rules.”
Ensign April 1994 “The Father and the Family”
 
Stop listening to the voice of the world.  Satan has his voice everywhere.  Just because someone in the church tells you it’s right you still need to receive the confirmation of the Holy Ghost to see if it’s right for your own family.
 
You have to stop being reactive parents.  You have to create the plan you want in your home.  This plan is based on positives not negative rules.
 
Spencer W. Kimball “Doctrinal Insights to the Book of Mormon”
“We must strive at times to focus on the basic purposes of the work so the mere busyness does not create the illusion that we are effective when we are not.”
 
Joseph B Wirthlin “Follow Me”  April 2002
Sometimes we feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth. Brothers and sisters, we can spend a lifetime whirling about at a feverish pace, checking off list after list of things that in the end really don’t matter.
 
You bond with who you spend your time with.  If your kids are always gone from home then that is who they are bonding with.  It is the Doctrine of the Family.
 
D&C 88:119
Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;
 
What are the verbs?  Organize, prepare, establish.  Scriptures are given in a list.  They are given in lists as to order of importance.  The first verb is “Organize”.  Usually we tend to just go establish.  I’m just going to tell you what we are going to do.  If you start backwards it will not work.  You have to do it frontwards to make it work. 
 
How do you organize something?
My daughter in law has everything color coordinated.  She organizes things.  Everything is folded nicely and neatly.  Sometimes my organization and order are more general.  The pot goes in the kitchen. 
 
You can’t organize your family around your family plan if you don’t have a family plan.  The goal “Get back to the Celestial Kingdom” so we will just obey all the commandments.  We need to have something that we can build on that is very specific.  It needs to be as specific as the house the plans.  It has an action to it and we can see progress.  You don’t get to be a dictator.  The family needs to have input in what the house/family look like.  We each put in our ideas and we create something for everyone.  It’s not an event to come up with it.  It’s a process. 
 
Class member:  When you build you have to build to the uniform code.  The Lord tells us how to have the structure be strong.  We have to keep going back to the code to see that we are building it right.
 
Take this question to your FHE.  You need to ponder it before you take it to family counsel.  So does your husband. 
 
Why do you need a family mission statement?  It becomes the visual.  The mission statement includes 2 parts.  1st part is what do you want your family to look like?  What do you want your family to be?
 
When my children were growing up I would ask them what it meant to be a Tanner?  They would say we work hard, really hard, and it means that we are spiritual.  It means we go on missions.  We get our Eagle Scouts.  It means we have a lot of fun on backpack trips. They had a vision of what it meant to be a Tanner. 
 
Your children should be able to say…”This is what our family stands for!”  It gives them a sense of belonging and purpose. 
 
2nd part is “What do we have to do to make that happen”? 
 
You have a list of nouns and a list of verbs.  Then to make it a statement you mesh those two. 
 
Example:  With permission, President Cobb of the Kuna Idaho Stake Presidency shared his family statement and motto…
Family Statement:  “Our home will be founded upon the principles of faith, prayer, order, respect, love and gratitude.  As a family we will go to church together, have family home evening together, eat together, read scriptures together, work together, pray together, and play together. As we do these things, we will have a Christ-centered home where the Spirit is present.” 
 
Family motto is: “Be there!”
 
It is a list of “to be’s” followed by the list of “to do’s”.
 
He shared that when his daughter went to college and called home feeling lonely, he counseled her to repeat their family mission statement each evening and she would feel more connected to them.  She did and it worked.
 
As a family, come up with a mission statement.  Copy it and post it in your home.  Recite it together.  You relate those things back to your family mission statements during FHE. 
 
It’s fun to have a family motto.  Something that is short. 
 
Examples….
Decisions determine destiny!
“And we lived after the manner of happiness”
We can do hard things.
Be there!
Do it!
 
Have a family cheer that you do after family prayer.  It can be simple or it can be longer. 
 
Examples…
Class member:  Whoever says the pray say together we ‘pray’ together we ‘play’ together and because of that we will ‘stay’ together.
 
If you have younger kids as they get older you can ask them if there is something missing or something you would like to add to it. 
 
Class member:  We have friends stay with us from out of town.   Right after family prayer the family put their hands in and said…“We will do our part with a happy heart.”
 
These are ways to identify and see what it means to be in your family!  That is what will bond them to your family. Our kids need to bond in the home and be strong together. 
 
Class member:  I read an article and it said if you don’t want your children to stray then teach them their family history.  They don’t need to find it elsewhere. 
 
Class member:  What would you recommend for a blended family? 
 
Leave out the name or hyphenate the name.  Say “in our home” that means anyone that is in our home.  It’s hard to help blended family come together.  You can help them say “While I’m here within these walls” this is what our vision needs to be.  They get to help create what that safe place will be.
 
Class member:  Does it matter the ‘verbs’? 
 
You can say “we are” that’s stronger, but you can say “we want to be” lets them ‘become’. 
 
Class member: To sign our we have a picture of our hands ‘watermarked’ behind our family mission statement.  I feel like I want it to expand outside the walls of our home when they leave for college.  My husband wrote the family mission statement.  We have had it every since them.  It’s evolved, but when we ask our kids if they want to change it they don’t want to change anything.  We have made a family symbol now. 
 
Tracy (my daughter) he family uses the scripture “If all men were like unto Moroni the gates of hell…” (Alma 48:187 their motto is “Let’s shake some hell!”
 
We need to create a sense of order than comes from a set routine.  You have to look at this as ‘how can I make it work’ instead of ‘it can’t work because…’.  Some of you came in just frazzled and everyone is always needy.  You take control.  You are going to create order.  I don’t mean be bossy and powerful.  The Lord’s kingdom has order.  You can’t get baptized when you are 7 ½.  It’s very dependable and concise way. 
 
As you establish order you will wipe out arguments along the way. 
 
D&C 88:124  
“Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.”
 
If you are weary it means you go to bed earlier.  If you arise early your bodies and minds will be invigorated.  General Authorities get up at 4am because that’s when their minds are invigorated.
 
What is your inventory on texting, Pinterest, Facebook, watching TV, videos, computer, novels?  Idle time are things we choose to do sometimes that are unproductive.  Everyone needs down time, but down time shouldn’t be wasted time.  You can have down time and still do something uplifting.  Spend 10 minutes in the scriptures before your kids get up.  Try it for a week and see if it’s a different experience.  It’s the principle of you taking control instead of just reacting. 
 
Anytime there is change your family will complain.  They like what’s familiar and they like what is easy.  Incorporate their help if they are older to establish the routine.  There is no right way. 
 
Class member:  I have a testimony of getting up early.  It changed my day in a big way.  My 9 year old got up earlier.  He does his homework and chores before school.  Even after school was so much easier. 
Little people need to ‘see’ it.  Make a list or a chart. 
 
Example:  They need a time to get up.  Greet them dressed. 
 
We learn to love who we serve.  The bond between the children will become greater.
 
Class member:  I have a son that leaves at 6:30am.  I have another son that leaves at 7:30pm and he thinks he should be able to sleep another hour.  How do you get this to happen without creating more problems?
 
Take the 13 year old out for ice cream.  Say, I know you have some problems with this.  I can understand that.  It’s got to be a challenge.  I feel badly about that.  What do you think we can do to make it different?  It’s important to have family prayer in the morning. You being open to listen to him will change his heart faster.  You can’t dictate, but you can solicit their help with solving the problem.  Having scriptures is not the option.  You need to have family prayer in the morning.  Lay the doctrine on the table and then ask ‘How do you think the best way is to make it happen?’
 
Class member:  What if you don’t have help from a spouse?
 
I didn’t.  10 years my husband was inactive.  The key is you never ever criticize or condemn them to the children or to them.  It has to be your gift to your children and your gift to your spouse.  If you can do that and they don’t feel like you are nagging on them chances are they will turn around.  It’s hard!  It’s possible with the Lord. 
 
You need to make part of your daily routine to SMILE!   Smile at your children when they come home.  Learn to smile.  Tell your face that you are happy and thankful for your family.  Make greeting them a habit.  When they come home from school you go to the door.  You greet them and touch them.  ALWAYS!!!  You meet at the cross roads.  This is your children and your spouse.  They need to know that you missed them and you want them there.  There needs to be a physical touch and a smile. 
 
Rites of Passage:
You start scouts, get baptized, start dating at a certain age.  We have nothing in our society that says they are growing up except for a driver’s license.  You only need a few of them and they need to be established in concrete!  Be careful what your rites of passage are.  They need to be sure!!  The reason is you will make it for the first one and you want to give them that privilege a little bit early and it invalidates the first one.  If you make them don’t break them.
 
Ideas:  You establish your own because you have to enforce them.
 
Girls wearing makeup---If you establish the age of 13 and you have someone who is 12 and everyone at school is doing it.  You say, “You can as soon as you are 13.  We will go get some make up and learn how to put it on.” 
 
If you allow make up on your girls please teach them how to put it on. 
 
What age you get your ears pierced?
When you were allowed to not take a nap…. Once they went to school they got to not take naps. 
At a certain age you can cook.
 
What happens by having a few.  Then when the Lord says no dating until 16 they don’t push against it are less because they already understand rites of passage.
 
Once in a Lifetime Events:
You need to decide what do you want to do for high school graduation.  What do you want to do before they open mission calls?  Do you want to do something special the night before they leave for their mission?  Do you do something special the night before they get married?  Is there a special father’s blessing they need that night.  What are you going to do when first babies are born in their families?  They won’t forget.  Make sure you do them. 
 
Homework:

1. Family mission statement, motto, and cheer.  Think about it.  Start to move on it. 
2. Looking at weekly organization…examine how family prayer, family scriptures, and FHE are going and what you can do to improve them.
3. Read one of two conference talks.  Elder Larry Lawrence “Courageous Parenting”  OR  Elder Joe Christensen “Rearing Children in a Polluted Environment”  Write the counsel given to parents in these talks.
4. This coming Saturday is the Women’s session of General Conference.  Between now and that session formalize a question that you would like to take about marriage, children, family or your own personal spirituality.  If you do so prayerfully it will be answered.  The Spirit will give you the answer if you go prepared.

 
I give homework because there is a difference between knowing and becoming.  I want you to become different.  That’s why you came to class.  Every week I will give you homework.  You can do it or not do it.  If you want to enjoy the Spirit of the Lord helping you change you have to do something to be willing to have the Lord walk with you.  He will empower you and will change your heart.  You will be a different parent in 10 weeks than you are today.  It will show the Lord you want to become.  He will empower you to change.
 

​How many of you got your mission statement all done? 
How many of you thought about it? 
How many of you talked about it?
How did it go over?
 
Class member:  My husband jumped on board and said we are going to do that. 
 
It’s fabulous for small ones to get a vision for what it means to be in our family.  You can parent to your family mission statement.
 
Class member:  My husband said ‘That’s awesome!’  My daughter & I read a book about manners and at the end they had a list rules and assignments.  My daughter said we should be doing that. 
 
When they are in it that is the time to do it.
 
Class member:  We talked about our mission statement.  My husband talked about everyone ‘contributing’ in the family from our mission statement.  He taught from our family mission statement.
 
Class member:  I have been working on getting up early and getting prepared for the day.  This week I even did my grocery shopping before I came to class today.  The kids went to school and I went grocery shopping. 
 
My goal was always to have bread raising before they went to school.  They ate 4 loaves a day. 
 
Class member:  We talked about it for FHE.  My little ones chimed in and now I have to write it.  They are 8 and 5. 
 
Class member:  We have a silly family song.  “That’s not my name!” song. 
 
Class member:  I just had a spark of inspiration.  I have taken the class before.  My husband is the biggest party pooper in the world.  He loves to tease me about being in show choir.  Maybe I’ll just change the words to that song he teases me with. 
 
Class member:  I get really annoyed with my days and I get real frustrated to get everything done.  I start my day off really good, but by night I’m always frustrated.  When we went over the Essential, Necessary, & Nice things.  I had my Nice in my Necessary area.  So it validated that when I got my Essentials done and my Necessarys done because then when the Nice things fell off the list. I looked at it differently even though I’m doing the same thing.  I’m happier now.  That rolls over to everyone else in the family.  It was just shifting my mind.  I’m planning on teaching this in FHE.  Our family needs to swap the Necessary & Nice and then we can write our family statement.  I think we get confused and didn’t know it was confused. 
 
Particularly women trying to find balance in our lives but you have to do the right priorities. 
 
Personal Revelation…How are you coming on that? 
 
Class member:  My husband and I love this topic.  It has struck me that many times when the Spirit speaks to me I think it’s me that is saying it.  When I stop and look back at my day I realize it was the Spirit.  Heavenly Father cares about us temporally or spiritually.  I amazed how subtle and quiet that prompting can be.  It’s just a tiny little thought we just have to be aware.  It’s not always spiritual promptings.
 
Heavenly Father cares about the peace in our home.  The Holy Ghost is quiet.
 
Class member:  As I read the ‘Courageous Parenting’ talk I had some inspiration and I decided I should start doing some monthly interviews. 

​Those of you here are here because you are conscientious parents.  You are wanting to have a safe place for your children to come in out of the world.  With that feeling in today’s society many of you are leading your home out of fear.  Fear of what’s in the world, what is coming, of seeing a text you don’t like…etc.  I want to take fear out of it and give you power.  Fear is of Satan.  Heavenly Father says, “Doubt not. Fear not.” You don’t even realize that your leadership is based on fear.  Think about the things that are concerning you.  Is it faith or fear that prompts you in the way you react to your children?
 
Sometimes we get a little overzealous in doing it right.  

​Do you feel that way sometimes?  It will only take a few minutes, but I can do that too.  You have done a few minutes that there is nothing left.  In taking fear out of our homes and plugging in faith I like the statement….

The keywords are—righteous & intentional.
 
We are concerned about the righteous part, but I’m not so sure we are as concerned with the ‘intentional’ part.  As you sit here and we talk about parenting your goals are righteous.  You have righteous desires, but when the day hits, we tend to actually parent reactively.  We feel like we have no control because we have given up our control.  Instead of having intentional parenting we have reactive parenting.  Then our righteous parenting becomes a wish.  We are so governed by busyness that we give up our power to stuff. 
 
As your children get older you will understand that even more.  You think you have no power when they are little, but when they are older you feel like you have no power either. 
 
We have to have a plan.  We have to have a vision and idea of what that means.  How do you create that? 

​A lot of the times we are just going around in a circle.  We are busy!  I solve problems, run errands, run taxi, etc… You think, “All I’m doing is Parenting.”  Yes you are busy if you are just running around the top of the pot you are not necessarily establishing a Christ Centered Home and your family may spiritually starve to death. 
 
How do we get ourselves and our family off the terra cotta pot. 

​Essential are things that take your family to the Celestial Kingdom…Baptism, Temple Covenants, Sacrament, Personal Prayers, FHE, Family Scripture Study, Family Prayers, Date night
 
Necessary---eating, grocery shopping, cleaning, taxi service, things you have to do to keep your family going.
 
Nice things---texting, playing games, most phone calls, Pinterest, things we like to do..fun things. 
 
We get up and do necessary things because they have to be done.  Then we go to nice things then we get irritated when someone bugs us when we are in our nice place.  My kids come home from school and start bugging me when I’m cutting my quilt blocks.  We get irritated/frustrated when we are pulled out of our nice things.
 
What happens to essential things?  You are shutting them down and don’t validate their feelings.  These essential things are the ones that get kicked out of the day. 
 
Class member:  We did the class analogy in FHE.  Essentials are the big rocks that go in the jar.  Pebbles are necessary things.  Sand is the nice things.  If you put the essentials in there first you can fit everything in, but if you put the sand in first you can’t fit everything else in. 
 
We need to always put the essential things in the day first.  The rest will take care of itself. 
 
In the beginning when Heavenly Father created the earth he organized matter.  Divided light from dark, mountains & streams, plants, animals, humans, rested.  He did it in segments.  He didn’t go out and organize the whole thing in one day.  As you try to create order in your family you aren’t going to go home and do it this afternoon.  We need to follow the Lord’s plan.  We do it in order. 
 
Order is what we want to create in our home.  Next he created them spiritually first and then created them physically.  Let’s take this down to us in our home. 
 
These are the house plans for the home I am living in right now.  If you were a builder these things would mean something to you.  If you weren’t a builder they would be interesting.  Each page shows something different---joists, plumbing, electrical, etc.  Before we can dig the hole the plans go to planning and zoning to have the approval.  This is the “Spiritual Planning”.  You bring plans first then get a permit. 
 
If he decides to change something the inspector will put a red flag on it because it’s different from the plans.  You have to go back to Planning & Zoning to change the plans.  There is a process of organization that goes into creating. 

Organize
Prepare
​Establish 

How do we take this plan to create our family structure?  This scripture is the Lord’s blue print.  How do I go from that to my house? 
 
Organize yourself.  Will my plans look like your house?  No.  We have different things, but it can all comply with code.  The code is the principles/doctrine.  We each have to comply to that, but within that our homes can be totally different.  What you do in your home with your family you create your blueprint. 
 
What is your house going to look like?  It’s going to be yours.  Pull your kids in.  Pull your husband in.  Create this vision of what you want your home and family to look like. 
​
Your kids say…I wasn’t immoral so why are you on me?  You don’t give them that vision until they were in trouble. 
 
We have to create this vision and they need to be part of it.  You sit down together and you create a plan.  This plan needs to be something they can see.  Something they can feel.  Something they can identify with. 

​President Uchdorf…”Forget me nots”  He talked about the ‘what, how, and why’ of the gospel.  When we teach our children what (that’s the rules) the how (in our family we will…), but we never teach the why. 
 
I want you to start with the ‘why’. 

​It sets the foundation for what we want to do.  The mission statement is the ‘picture’. 

Organize—Everything created spiritually before physically
Mission Statement  = What & How

Here are some examples of family mission statements....

​It’s a one liner. 

​Examples....
“Be there.”

“We can do hard things.”

“And they lived after the manner of happiness.”

Class member:  Developed a shadow box with an arrow.  Our motto is “Becoming a shaft in the quiver of the Lord”. 
 
“Shake some hell”.  (If all were or could be like Moroni all would be shaken…)

​Prepare every needful thing. 
This is me here and now.  This is a time, place, & action.  This is where you get what you need…scriptures, notebook.  This is when we had the materials delivered to the lot.  You have to get them thinking.  Get some enthusiasm.  “Prepare” is an essential part in Family Home Evening. 
 
Establish…
What is an Endowment Fund at a college?  I am independently wealthy.  I’m going to die.  I have $15 million.  I will endow BYU with my $15 million.  BYU cannot spend the principle.  They work off the interest of that endowment.  They can do scholarships or build building or whatever.  If it is given as a ‘gift’ they can use it for anything. 
 
You put them in place and they will be there forever! You are not going to read your scriptures for 2 days and then quit.  That’s the goal.  Real life will kick in and you might miss some days. 
 
Do a family mission statement, symbol, cheer, motto.  They need to pull in and feel part of it and govern themselves against what your family looks like. 

DAILY ORDER....

This is what Satan does to keep you from organizing your own family temple.  Some of us need to work hard at our children not having ‘idle’ time. 
 
Idle = Busy, but not moving forward
Unclean = anything that would chase the Spirit away.  This could be the books you read, the movies you watch, TV, violent games, excessive lightmindedness.  Does that mean you have to be solemn?  No, but you know when it passes the line of just being fun and happy., language (sarcasm, vulgar language), clothes
 
Cease to find fault one with another = Do you criticize your children in the guise of helping them be better?  Sarcasm, name calling

Class member:  "Sarcasm is truth wrapped in barbed wire."
 
Cease to sleep longer than is needful—retire to thy bed early that you might not be weary. Arise early that your minds and bodies might be invigorated—Go to bed early with your kids and then get up.  If you get 6 hours of sleep at night and go to bed at 1am and get up at 7am.  OR you could go to bed at 9pm and get up at 3am. 
 
I can tell you this, but you have to try it.  You won’t believe it until you try it yourself. 

ORDER IN SEASONS....
Order in space = home is clean and order, your house can be lived in, you can have clutter, but live in cleanliness.  You need to have children have order in space.  They need to have a place to put them away.  Teach children about a place.  Books—need bookcases.  There needs to be a place for things to go.  When you say to clean a room the children need to know where to put things. 
 
Order in time = this is what you do with your day.  This is where we put in essentials first.  Prayer—morning & night, Personal Prayer—morning & night, FHE, Family scripture study, you have to look at what you are sacrificing because it’s too busy.  You are still teaching something. 
 
Essentials---FHE every week, Family prayer twice every day, Personal prayer twice every day, Temple Attendance as often as possible, Keeping Sabbath Day Holy
 
Kindergarten student goes in is very nervous.  After about 3-4 days they are really happy to go because they know what is going to happen.  Your children will know what will happen. 
 
Negotiable/work on but necessary—what time do you get up in the morning, when are you having scriptures, what time will family dinner be, what time will children do their jobs, what time do they get to play, what time is bedtime, what time do they get to have friends, what time do they get electronics, what time will cell phones be docked at night, what time is curfew and does it change with age.
 
In teaching order you are teaching respect. 

RITES OF PASSAGE....
​​In our society there is nothing that says you are becoming an adult.  A 3 year old and a 73 year old Grandma will wear the same clothes.  Everybody looks the same.  Because of our society and because of the age of entitlement and because we have adults that think we should work the least amount possible and play the most amount possible.  We have adults that are not growing up to be responsible. 
 
As you get older I expect more out of you. 
 
Can you get baptized at 7 ½ or 2 weeks before you are 8 years old?  No!  They should be in cement. 
 
Age you could get your ears pierced….in our home the age was 15. It was not an argument.  Because I set it for the oldest it was in concrete.  You don’t change it. 
 
You need to pick a FEW of those and don’t change them.  When all of her boys turn 16 and ready to date they have to take Mom out first…or Dad takes the girls out first. 
 
When do you get to stop taking a nap or quiet time.
 
What do you do when they get baptized?  What will be your plan?  What are you going to do for graduation?  What are you going to do for marriages?
 
Class member:  Listening during sacrament meeting…at a certain age they can get out an activity.  As they get older they have to wait for the 1st speaker to get done before they can get something out.  Until they get to a certain age where they listen through the whole meeting. 
 
Fasting would be another one.  Children need to be taught to fast.  They need to have some discretion about when and how to fast. ​

​Story---
My brother was a 3 sport all state athlete, handsome, tall.  When he was on his mission he had a dream.  He knew he was supposed to carry that log up that hill.  He started up the incline of this hill.  The further up the hill he got the more tired he got.  He cut off a piece of the log and he could carry it easier again.  It was just too heavy again so he cut off another piece and he took the rest to the top of the hill.  There was a meadow.  He knew that he couldn’t put the log down.  He saw this white city, but just before he got to the gates of the city there was this deep chasm.  He then knew his log was the bridge.  The log was too short and fell down into the chasm. 
 
Don’t cut off the essential things.  They are your bridge to the Celestial Kingdom.  They are the bridge for your family to walk on.  Don’t cut them off because you are tired or weary.  I testify that the Lord will send angels to bind you up and carry you.  The angels are there to comfort you, guide you, and carry you. 

Your cheer doesn’t have to be serious.  It needs to bring your family to life.  It makes them feel good.

They don’t have to be primary songs.  They need to have good standards.

It can be real subtle.

Anyone read the Conference Talk?

Too many of you try to be your child’s buddies.  Be their parent.  When they are married and have a family of their own be their parent.  It’s not a popularity contest. 

Writing a mission statement is a little thing.  Writing a cheer is a little thing.  If you do little things, great things come to pass. 

Class member's example of family motto....

A principle is a truth that never changes. 

A practice is how you put the principle in place.

Ponder Pad…you will hear something in class and have a sudden stroke of idea.  Take some time on Sunday to be able to ponder it.  It may have nothing to do with what we are talking about.  If you will keep your ponder pad and act on it and do the homework each week you will not be the same person that you are right now in 10 weeks.  Your home will be different too.  As you change percentages your home will become what you want it to be.

Elder Packer  Nov 1998  “The family learns how to love at home. 

What does your home feel like?  What is the Spirit there? 

Think about your home, but don’t feel guilty about your home.  It’s a matter of recognizing what you have and what it is so we can work with that. 

Stephen Covey’s book “If you feel like your home is out of control in chaos.  Pick one goal and do it and you will start to feel like you are gaining control.”

You don’t have to do everything, but you do have to do something.  Pick 1 goal.  If you have changed your life in 2 areas at the end of 10 weeks.

Start looking at what you are doing right and focus on those.  I want you to love being a parent.  They leave too soon.  Treasure this time you have with them.  It’s hard when they are all gone.  In all eternity you will never have it again.  In a few years they won’t come to you to kiss it better or to have you hold them and sing to them.  These are precious moments.  Learn to laugh at them. 

The reason you feel so frustrated and overwhelmed.

D&C 88:119

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

This verse is in a list and in the order to do them in.

Organize
Prepare
Establish

How do we do those 3 things?

ORGANIZE:

Heavenly Father told them to go down and organize matter.  To construct, to build, to put together, to take all the parts and make it happen.  Before they went down to do that they had a plan and all things were created spiritually before they were created physically.

Create a plan.  What do you want your family to look like?

We parent like the referee on the football team.  We were raised with our parents telling us everything we did wrong.  “Why didn’t you make your bed?” “Why didn’t you get your homework done?”  They thought they were teaching you to do what is right.  We are teaching in a negative fashion.  Go to your room!  You are grounded!  Two extra jobs!  We let them act and then we react. 

In Heavenly Father’s kingdom I’m going to create the plan and then act to the plan.  It is in order.  He knows what it is.  We need to act to his plan.  He isn’t reacting to our sins. 

Our family needs to create a plan to act to.  It’s in a positive.  We as a family are going to encompass. 

PREPARE:
In the Garden of Eden, Heavenly Father prepared them to live in the world.  He taught them everything they needed to know before they were cast out.  They knew the plan.  Then they were tried and tested to see if they can live the plan.

We teach our family and help them understand it and internalize it.  This is us.  This is what we want.

ESTABLISH:
Means to do! 

Everything said so far is PRINCIPLE.  It’s how the Lord established his kingdom.  Now we are going to talk about PRACTICES.  Principles are concrete.  Practices can change.  You get to sift through these and

What does this look like?  (Practices)

In FHE ask, “What does our family stand for?”  “What does it mean to be in your family?”  “What is it like to be a Tanner?”  “What does it mean to be a member of your family?”

Youth that get in trouble will say that their family stands for nothing.  There is no bonding or unity.  Children who are successful and they ask what their family stands for they can list a whole bunch of stuff. 

This can be a very simple, simple thing.  With little people it should not be complex, especially little people.

My Gospel Standards…is a good place to start.  You are creating a Family Mission Statement.  It has to be used.  You can’t just frame it and put it on the wall.  Use it as a point of reference for your family.  Use in FHE.  You should have your children memorize it. It shouldn’t be that long that they can’t. 

Example:  (Johnson Family Mission Statement) 

Magnifying our talents and gifts….Identify what talents are, Have talent show, Go to nursing home and share talent.

If they want to buy a skimpy bathing suit, you can use your family statement

It’s what we are and what we need to do to make that happen.  2-prong mission statement.

President Cobb of the Kuna Idaho Stake Presidency shared his family statement and motto…

Family Statement:  “Our home will be founded upon the principles of faith, prayer, order, respect, love and gratitude.  As a family we will go to church together, have family home evening together, eat together, read scriptures together, work together, pray together, and play together. As we do these things, we will have a Christ-centered home where the Spirit is present.” 

Family motto is: “Be there!”

Daughter went off to college and struggled.  Family mission statement pulled them through.

Family Motto:  Needs to be short.
“We can do hard things.”
“Be good, be smart, have fun, and choose the right”
“We lived after the manner of happiness”
“Be true”
“Return with Honor”
“We are the Johnsons and we can do hard things.”
Let the kids help develop it.

Family Cheer:
“Troutman family is our name.  Choosing the right is our game….”

Children love the family cheer.  It creates a cohesiveness.  This is ‘us!”  It’s fun to be us.

Elder Lawrence… “You can’t force parents to agree with things.”  You need to be careful how you approach it.  It’s not a dictatorship. 

Question:  What if 16yr old son won’t help. 

Answer:  Ask “What do you think it means to be part of our family?”  I don’t know.  I don’t like it here.  You don’t let one dictate what happens for all the other 7.  You encircle them.  You love them.  You don’t condemn them.  Invite him in, but don’t let him dictate.

The practices shouldn’t be the same in every family.  Every family is different.  We spend too much time not smiling especially at home.  You don’t smile at home.  Tell your face to smile.  Be happy!  We forget that we are supposed to be happy.  We have to let our children know we love them.

You might think about the possibility of making a family flag.  Your flag can illustrate who you are.  Pictures of what you like to do. 

Tree---all grandkids were leaves on the tree (36 grandchildren)—Be rooted as a family for eternity.

That is the Organize, Prepare, Establish.  They have to know what it means to be in your family.  You are creating your own plan of happiness for your family.  This is how it is illustrated.  Get the vision first, then make it happen daily/regularly.

D&C 88:124
Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.

Find fault---do you criticize in your mind?  Your spouse, your kids, your mother?

Cease to be idle—Most of you will say I am too busy to be idle.  When you talk about busyness you aren’t doing your ‘to do’ list.  You need to be anxiously engaged in busyness that is moving your towards the goal.

Spencer W. Kimball “We must strive at times to focus on the basic purposes of the work so that mere busyness does not create the illusion that we are effective when we are not.”

To train our children.  That is our main purpose.  The toilet becomes more important than the child.

Cease to be unclean—Electronics, cell phone, Ipads, Ipods, texting, movies, music.

How many times do you take a text when your children are talking to you.  It is teaching them that your cell phone is more important than they are.  There is no reason for youth to be on a cell phone during the activity.  They can use them at the end. 

Cease to find fault—stop criticizing your children.  It will never build them.  You teach them to do what is right.  You separate the deed and the do-er.

Cease to sleep longer than is needful—It’s not in the hours.  It’s about what the scripture says with the hours.  Retire to thy bed early—then rise early.  You are getting the same amount of sleep.  You are getting it from 9pm-3am instead of 1am-7am.  If you get up before your kids and be ready before they get up your day will go much better.  You have the emotional strength to go on.  Do it for yourself.  Don’t let your kids sleep in.  Get them up…even on Saturday.

DAILY ROUTINE:

It creates security, obedience, & harmony when they are done at the same time.  Get up then scriptures, then dressed, then breakfast.  We did it everyday. 

Time to get up
Time to eat
Time for family scriptures
Time for family prayers
Family dinner time.

Be mindful of what you are giving up.  Those things are not as important as what they are giving up.  There will and can be a ‘season’ that they will be gone, but overall they need to know that your family eats together.

You have to set the priority and then life can happen around it. 

Time for children to do jobs
Time for homework
Time for play
Time for bed (regular)—Your children live an adult schedule instead of a child’s schedule.
Time set when electronics are ok.
Time when electronics are not ok.
Friends should not always be part of your family.
If your teenagers are texting on their phones they are in your home.

How do you meet and greet at the crossroads of the day?
Is it with the lecture series?
Are you at the door or bellowing from the kitchen?
Do you greet them from the door when they come home?

Meet & greet at the crossroads.  You need to get up and go greet them.  You go greet them.  You don’t make them come find you.  You go find them.  You will find amazing magical things that happen.  Meet and greet with a SMILE not a lecture.

RITES OF PASSAGE:
There is nothing that tells children they are growing up.  A 5 year old can wear the same style shirt as a grandma.  There is nothing that says you are the little guy and I’m the big guy.  Everything is trying to make our little people into teenagers.  Because of that there needs to be a few things in your home. 

Baptism—8
Graduate from Primary—12

You need a few in your home.  They get a little more privilege and a little more responsibility. 

The ones you have are in concrete! No exceptions!

Practice:  Age that girls got to have ears pierced…I will take you to lunch.  We will go together when you are 15.  It was an established thing. 

Makeup for girls
Ears pierced
Age to stop taking naps

LIFE TIME EVENTS:
Baptism—what are you going to do?  It needs to be a tradition.
Graduation from high school
Missions
Night before wedding

Think about them now and start meditating on things you would like to have. 

What you do for your celebrations….Traditions:  They are order for your home.  This is part of the cement that brings your family together.

What you teach your children right now in their youth will teach them order and control.  Everything in society teaches them entitlement.  When they feel the routine consistently, it develops their testimonies.

HOMEWORK:

1.    Read one or both conference talks. 
       “Courageous Parenting” Larry Lawrence November 2010
       “Good Better Best” Dallin H. Oaks November 2007
2.    Pick something from the conference talk to be your ‘to do’.
3.    Create your family mission statement and motto---you may only discuss.  It’s a process.  It’s not an event.
4.    Create a family flag or a family cheer.
5.    Carefully look at your day to day activities.  Do you have order in your daily activities?  This basically comes from mother. 

Commandment---there is a ‘to do’ and a blessing. If you want the blessing you do the ‘to do with

Alma 37:6-7  Ye may suppose this is foolishness in me…small and simple things great things are brought to pass.  Small things will confound the wise.

5 things to fortify our youth….(Elder Lawrence’s talk)----with exactness the Lord will fortify your family.

1.    Family prayer—2x/day
2.    Family scriptures
3.    Family Home Evening
4.    Family Dinner
5.    Regular one on one interviews with our children

That will fortify our children against what they face every day.