Class member: Geraldine Edwards, “The work we do fulfills a…..work is not a curse. We choose to work with love choose to embrace life.
“The Blessing of Work” By H David Burton
President David O. McKay (1873–1970) was fond of saying, “Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that power to work is a blessing, that love of work is success.”
Adam was supposed to work until he dies. The world’s philosophy is do less and be paid more so you can do nothing. That is our goal in life. That is not what the Lord said. We raise them to think that Mom & Dad’s do all the stuff so the kids can play. We validate that by keeping them in sports and always doing extra stuff.
When the Lord said he would ‘curse the ground for Adam’s sake’. The world fell from a Terrestrial Sphere to a Telestial Sphere. There are thorns and thistle. Adam was told to dress and keep the garden. They still worked. They didn’t have to pull weeds.
Work is an eternal principle! It was before the foundation of the earth. The creation of the earth was work. That required effort and work.
“This is my WORK and my glory to bring to pass the eternal life of man.”
It’s always there for the good of those that do the work. It is always a blessing. Satan wants to keep us from our greatest blessings by keeping us from working. He makes us feel like work is an imposition. Our children especially feel this way. The joy of work we really need to teach.
We have to teach it through giving them jobs and giving them hard things to do, but the goal is to help them find joy in doing the work. This is where we are developing the society of ‘Big Brother should take care of me.’ Someone else needs to come in and be responsible for taking care of me and we have stopped the process of creative thinking.
Learn to be self-sufficient. That is what we have to learn to teach our children. Our kids have to learn to do hard things.
It’s not a matter of finding who to blame. It’s a matter of saying…this is what’s on the table what can I do about it. Stop blaming! Learn to take care of the situation. Missions are hard things, but they are easier than marriage. We are not preparing our children for marriage if we can’t get them out of the blame game.
Class member: For 5th Sunday our Bishop talked about the New Mission Questions. He thinks that we have a group of entitled youth that just want it handed to them. He wanted to know what we could do as a ward to help these young people that are going out.
We have to parent different than we were parented because the world is different. The things they are facing is different.
Bill Gates’ Rules for Kids
This started with the Flower Children in the 60’s that made a lot of noise, but didn’t do anything about it.
This concept of work is being lost by trying to find what is easy. They evaluate everything on if it is “fun”. They don’t go because it won’t be fun. We as adults fall into that as well.
Class member: I battled my son’s school this year because he does nothing and he gets D’s and F’s, but he is given chance after chance. I got in one of the teacher’s faces and said you aren’t doing a service to my son by giving him chance after chance. Things happen. You make mistakes. People do things to you. I actually got thanked by a teacher for saying that.
We have to know what it is and not buy it. We have to stop feeling guilty if you are the bad parent because you make your children do something! Be grateful that you can step in and teach them something.
Learning to be Celestial requires effort.
- Come up with a family work project. This can be in your own home…paint a room, rake leaves, can food. Do a hard work project.
- Read your scriptures this week to focus on and make a list of words that describe effort…..pray diligently, pray always, pray without ceasing, mighty prayer, pray all day….these denote a great deal of effort. Just do this wherever you are. Write down words that describe great effort.
Gaining exaltation requires work! The more we can engage our children in doing hard things outside themselves the more we can take them on the journey of overcoming the natural man.
President Uchtdorf “Continue in Patience”---Marshmallow Experiment
“It was a mildly interesting experiment, and the professor moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “there are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.” But as time went on, he kept track of the children and began to notice an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life and had more behavioral problems, while those who waited tended to be more positive and better motivated, have higher grades and incomes, and have healthier relationships.” (President Uchtdorf ‘Continue in Patience’)
Our kids want computer time, play in sports year round, we think it’s developing them. You take away 2 things and you create 1. You take away family time and their ability to focus on someone else because all the family is being sure they are getting to their games and the focus is on them. It is still very self-centered thing. There are good things that come from sports. Watch how much sports they are in. You will have coaches that if you say they aren’t coming to this event we have a family trip coming up that they can’t play next week. We are so worried about protecting them.
An idol is something we give our time and money to. Sports becomes that.
Class member: I wanted a CD player that had the 5 discs that rotated. I spent a year and saved and worked and cut out pictures. My parents happened to be at the store one day and they found the one that was exactly what I wanted. They bought it and then had me put the money in savings. It would have been more valuable for me to plunk the money down.
The satisfaction comes in putting the money down that you have earned. That’s the reward.
Class member: Anything my parents did they would match whatever I earned. It gave them partial ownership and they could ground me from it.
They were kinder than I am. We bought a car for the kids. We had total ownership of it and they had to learn to share it. They had to earn the privilege. They had to run my errands, work, and go to work. That is the problem with having money with no responsibility attached. Even when they earn something there has to be equal responsibility attached.
Whenever they have the ability to earn money what is the responsibility they have with it.
Class member: My husband’s Dad was an accountant. He would take what they earned they paid tithing, 60% went in savings, and they had to save for everything.
When you have a child that wants something then you provide them the opportunity to earn money. They have to pay tithing and fast offerings. Then you have savings and then you have a small amount of money that is yours. That is when you have a list of jobs on the fridge that are pay jobs. You are getting them self motivated to earn money. You never give them enough money to meet their needs and wants. Provide and encourage, but don’t just give them the money for it.
We need to prepare them for the real world. As seniors they should be making and managing their own money. If they have saved for their mission then they probably haven’t saved for college. They should have most of their mission saved for before they leave.
How do we teach our children to work? Most of us give them a job list and have them do a few jobs when they come home from school. (Do your homework, feed the dog, clean up your room). When they are in high school they are so busy with activities and stuff they aren’t home. When they are little they can’t do too much.
If you don’t teach them when they are little to do hard things you will have a hard time trying to teach them when they are bigger. If they whine about it you are succeeding.
2 years old and up….when children are 2-5yrs they want to help fold the laundry. They want to do all of those things. In this stage we say, “I’ll do it.” Because they really do make a mess. It’s easier to do it yourself than to clean up after them. Encourage them to be involved. They want your approval and they are trying to find something to do. If you can’t play with toys with them they want to be close to you. If we start at this stage pushing them away then their desire decreases in what they want to do.
2 yrs old does “Go-pher” (Go for this… Go for that). It is a one item thing. I need you to pick up your toys. For little people that is too overwhelming. You say, “Put all the Legos in this box. Put all the cars in this box.” Take it apart in pieces for little people until they grow up.
A 2 yr old if they spill have them help you clean it up. They should find joy in learning that if you spill it’s ok there is just a process that you have to clean it up.
5-11yrs…Forming their identity. They need to complete a task correctly. We tend to give them jobs, but not enough and then criticize how they did it. We start telling them everything that they didn’t get done. You have just made the child feel incapable. Over time they develop the attitude that they can’t.
You have to take the responsibility to teach them what a good job looks like. It’s done by teaching them what a good job looks like. I used charts…”This is a quick clean of the bedroom…with a list of jobs”. We set our bar too low. Then there is a ‘deep clean of the bedroom’. When you come to check you compare it to the list. If they do their task everyday well and do the deep clean once a month really well they earn it by their diligence not by me being lenient. The chart becomes the bad guy. How do you feel you did with #1? We want to reach a point of self evaluation.
Computer time, TV time are all privileges and they are earned on being responsible. You can earn opportunities to do what you want to. If you teach them this from a young age they know. You earn privileges.
As they get older you have to increase their opportunity to work hard. You have to work with them. You can’t tell a child to go clean the garage and not work with them. In the beginning your responsibility is to work with them. These projects should get harder and harder and harder until they can go out and do it on their own. They need to know what it looks like and how to make it happen. Allow them to do the work. Your child is out there to ‘do it’.
Everything is made to be ‘easy’…drive by banking, drive by groceries. If I have 5 kids and they each have 3 jobs after school that’s 15 jobs. That’s not enough. It also means that sometimes during your day you don’t clean the whole house. You have to leave something for them to do.
You are still going to have be creative in thinking of more difficult things for them to do. I recommend you start thinking about it. Sometimes it means starting a business. You may need to have ongoing difficult things. We underestimate what they can do.
“The Parenting Breakthrough” By Marilee Boyack
A child as young as 8 can vacuum a car and wash off the mats. These little kids can do a lot more than we ask of them. They can take the pans off the shelf and clean it and then put it back. You can teach them to put it back. Reset the button on the disposal, plunge a toilet, clean a toilet neck, refill washer fluid. We protect them from real life stuff. Change a lightbulb, clean a fridge, mow a lawn, use an edger, plant a garden, bake bread, make cinnamon rolls.
When they are little put music on so they can listen to it. You may have to get creative in what you come up with. They need to get involved in hard work.
With their saved money they should be paying all their fees, buying their clothes.
Class member: My biggest struggle is them even having time to do that. They have 4 hours of homework a night.
Use the vacation breaks and summers to do hard things.
“Gifted Hands” Ben Carson Story---Look at the mother in this story.
Story: The Cocoon & The Butterfly
How many of us rescue our children and make it easy for them before they leave home, but handicap them in the long run.
Learning to do hard work is the only way they will be qualified for exaltation. It takes hard work to provide for a family and raise children. You don’t get to quit. This is part of this life and it can be a joy. Then the hard work can become a blessing in our lives.