- Read..."Teach Them To Understand" Elder David A Bednar Rick College Devotional 1998
- Read...."A Plea To My Sisters" President Russell M. Nelson October 2015
- Read one of these 2 talks....."Teaching In The Home a Joyful & Sacred Responsibility" Devin G. Durrant May 2018 OR "Small & Simple Things" Dallin H. Oaks April 2018
Legs of the Table
Part A: Write down what you think the biggest mistake you make in parenting.
Part B: What is the thing you do that makes you a fabulous parent?
Circle the answer of ‘what you do fabulous’. With real intent I want you to scribble out Part A and forget about it. I want you to focus on magnifying Part B.
HOMEWORK: Focus on the thing you do that makes you a fabulous parent.
We are living in a generation of disrespect.
Going back to when I was a child there was a respect for adults, authority, our country. Then we moved to a period of having disrespect for authority and leaders in the 60’s. Now it has swung further where no one respects anyone. Even youth treat each other terribly.
Our movies and our programs especially Disney Channel that they gang up against adults who are really dumb and then they gang up against each other. The role model is just disrespect. Look at what is going on in the world. Everyone has a cause against something. What we are lacking is Parental Authority. It doesn’t mean Parenting Discipline. I think a better word is Parenting Influence. We need to establish a relationship with our children where they will respect us.
Age 8 is the age of accountability. We have to create a position where we are the parent and not their ‘friend’. If we are their friend then they disrespect us. As a parent you have to set standards and consequences. As they go out in that environment they will have already established a respectful relationship with their parents.
Families have to come together and strengthen the family. We are fragmenting our families when they try to ‘become’ something (soccer player, dancer, etc). Pull your kids in and keep them home. If you are saying no you can’t do soccer and you can’t do this, but you have to provide something. You can’t just pull them into a vacuum. We have to pull them in to the family and make the family be something and stand for something. They need to be part of what that picture is. That needs to happen from the beginning.
By the time they are 8 they have to already have that strong feeling of ownership in their family. The family is where it’s happening. That creates Intentional Parenting.
Referee---You have to react to what they do and correct the misbehavior. If that is your only interaction you are not creating this cohesive unit. You have to Intentionally Parent. You have to make your home your number one priority. We do get involved in busy-ness of life. We have to be careful that the busy-ness of life doesn’t distract us from the core of parenting.
Ponder Pad…How often do I “Intentionally” think about how I parent? How often do I think about and create a plan about how to do something instead of just reacting to everyday?
Realize that parenting has to be intentional. Heavenly Father created the Plan of Salvation before he ever created the earth. He knew what he wanted.
We say…I want my children to be strong, have faith, before they leave home. That’s great, but what are you doing to make that plan happen. Our plan becomes ‘buy peace at home’. We give into a lot of things that may not be to the best interest of our home.
Class member: I was talking to my husband about a fun hobby. He said you need to figure out ‘why’ you want to do that. Then you can break it down into smaller subcategories. In Primary we learn that “I am a child of God”.
Class member: We adopted 3 kids a little over 3 years ago. I have 2 biological as well. It was very clear in the beginning that they didn’t have a sense of stability. My husband and I came up with a mission statement that we say after family prayer. This has carried on. Whenever there are people over it includes them. It gives them a sense of belonging. As they are going through and having memories of the past and having hard things come up. We talk about being a “Dixon”. We talk about into the future and how they are still part of it.
There has to be not a buddy. You have to be the parent. Being the parent gives them security. We are not helicopter mom’s or lawn mower mom’s. We have to teach them how to take care of themselves. You have to teach them that process of knowing how to do that. As they learn that they become less reliant on peers and the world because they know that within themselves they can do it.
We need to teach them how to feel part of this unity and structure and then learn that they have the power to handle their own problems and beliefs. You have taught them how. They don’t have to buy all the messages in the world. This world is going to QUICKLY go downhill. We are close to the Second Coming. I think things are going to change pretty rapidly. We need to fortify our children. You feel it in the church when they are ‘hastening’ the work. We have to prepare our kids to do that. Our children have to be strong enough to withstand what is out there.
“Raising Resilient Children” by Lyle Burrup
We think we are no good because we aren’t perfect. They think if they can do it they are good and if they can’t they are NOT good.
I am talking about the training and teaching we do in our home….both spiritual and temporal.
Most of us teach knowledge in our home. We are teaching them concepts all the time…knowledge. You teach them about the Joseph Smith story. They answer all the questions in Primary. We teach facts. We think if they can give the facts back to us then they ‘know’ it.
How many believe that flossing is good for your teeth? 97% said yes. How many of you floss occasionally? 60%. How many of you floss regularly? 32% You go from a high number of those who believe it’s right, but they don’t act on the principle.
What happens between knowledge and conversion? That is what we have to focus on. You are doing pretty good on the knowledge part, but the conversion isn’t good enough.
Even if they flossed every night and did everything right they will still have cavities (trials).
This is how you take learning and make it conversion.
Elder Bednar uses questions when he is teaching. You ask questions so you get whoever to learn. When someone ‘acts’ (raising their hand to answer) it invites the Spirit to begin to teach us and change us. We then can become converted to that principle.
How do I do this?
Class member: I just had this experience. After church every Sunday we talk about what their lessons were about. My 8 yr old was learning about Joseph Smith. As a family we are reading “Our Heritage”. My brother used to totally active and served a mission and went inactive 3 years ago because of Joseph Smith. I told him that he has to decide if it really did happen. We can tell you all day long this is true, but you have to decide for yourself because it will change your life if you decide. I felt they have to have their own testimonies. My parents taught us all the same way, but 2 of my siblings are not active.
There are 2 things missing. We look at these experiences and say, “If I teach this once then that is it forever.” These kinds of experiences have to happen over and over and over. You have helped him internalize, but he hasn’t acted on it. That is where we have opted out on parenting. You need to help them with real intent to make good choices. Wait for an opportunity where he is struggling with something. That is when you take this story and bring it back to him. “What did Joseph Smith do when he didn’t know what to do? Can I pray with you? Do you think that would help?” You set and example and you give them an application.
How many times have you been told read your scriptures and pray every morning? Do you do it every day?
Don’t get impatient. We need to not be impatient with our kids.
Understanding Church History by Study and by Faith February 2017 Ensign
Hang on to those things that are true and don’t doubt the things you don’t understand.
What are the prophets telling us to do over and over and over? Everything talks about the Sabbath Day and the Sacrament. We have to fortify ourselves there. They are preparing us and telling us how to do it.
Class member: We just recently moved and a Seventy in our ward talked briefly. As we move into the new year they just had an area meeting. They are still worried and concerned that we are going to lose focus on keeping the Sabbath Day sacred.
We are not putting the Savior first. Put aside your own things and do the Lord’s things. It’s the ability to focus on and make the Savior a priority. Come out of the world for one day. As time gets further down this is where we find our strength and peace. Satan carefully leads us down to hell.
Class member: This is where ‘Satan lulls you away’.
You aren’t ‘building the fort’ (fortifying). You have a sand castle when the winds come.
What you watch on TV or Netflix or music…media…desensitizes us to spirituality faster and with less consciousness than what is around us all the time.
Class member: We just had a FHE about the distractions. It’s not about that we are doing anything bad, but it’s a distraction from doing what is good. It’s so consuming.
I look at my life…why am I not indexing for an hour a week? I don’t have children at home. Look at “Good, Better, Best”. I’m doing good stuff, but am I doing ‘best’ stuff. Everyone needs to look at themselves and think about doing what is ‘best’.
All things are temporal AND spiritual.
This list is not your ‘to do’ list. It’s to help you start thinking. You are responsible to teach them in all areas so they have self confidence when they leave you. They need to learn they can make mistakes and do them over and fix it. They need to do it over and over until they become good at it.
These are maybe things you haven’t thought about….This is to prepare them for life. This is not gender specific.
Your children need to learn a lot of things.
In the Book of Mormon, Mormon was helping to prepare the Nephites for the Lamanites attack when there was no war. He build a ditch, put spikes around the city, stacked up dirt, built towers, fortifies Nephites with armour. He did all of this in times of peace so when the Lamanites came the Nephites had the advantage.
When we read the war chapters we wonder why it’s there. We TODAY are going to war against Satan. You will be targeted. Satan wants you because you have made targets. If you don’t have ears to hear or eyes to see then you hear the topic and you turn it off. If you have heard it and you hear it again you better pay attention to it.
My Mom wrote me a letter when I was in the early stages of parenting. She said sometimes I feel like we hear the same things over and over and we aren’t told anything new because we aren’t listening to and doing what he asks us to do.
HOMEWORK: As we talk about these 5 things evaluate where you are in them.
These are the latter day fortifications. These are things we do to build a fortress in our homes. They can be in the fortress until they go out on their own.
Must be meaningful and with intent. The attitude is probably just as important as what we actually say in the prayer.
President James E. Faust said, “Praying together as a family is a bonding experience. Younger children can learn how to pray as they hear the prayers of their parents and older siblings. … Individual prayer and family prayer are indispensable to personal and family happiness.”
Before prayer we need to discuss things that are happening.
Feb 2001 “No Substitute For Family Prayer”
If you want to have family prayer you will get on your knees and ask him how to make it happen. It doesn’t matter what you do, but that you do it. Whenever you have that desire and it’s a quest, Heavenly Father will help us find the way.
Blessings Promised by President Hinckley….The Blessings of Family Prayer Ensign Feb 1991
Don’t evaluate your success on the amount you cover and how much you think your children are hearing. Don’t get in such a box that you think it only has to be one way. The commandment is to have ‘scripture study’ each day. “Little children need to learn the language of the scriptures” Say the words and have your children.
“This Day” Henry B Eyring April 2007
President Ezra T Benson “Cleansing The Inner Vessel” April 1986
“I counsel you, my beloved brothers and sisters and friends everywhere, to make reading in the Book of Mormon a few minutes each day a lifelong practice. “I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to that counsel. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.” (Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1960, pp. 110–13.)”
Family Home Evening
President Hinckley “FHE won’t always be a spiritual high…it is the growth over time that reaps the blessings”
Promises: It will take away stress, give direction to our lives, adds protection to our home (increase capacity to not listen to inappropriate music or watch inappropriate videos), love will increase, obedience will increase, youth will gain power to combat the evil influences that will beset them.
C Scott Grow---BYU Devotional
Use the different levels of learning….Knowledge, Understanding, Internalize, and Act. It’s easier to be internalized over a period of time. Create opportunities to have these experiences. Keep a FHE journal of what you did. It will remind them of how much good they have done over the year.
The commandment is ‘regular temple attendance’. What is ‘regular’ and what is ‘often’? You pray about those words. This is where we go to meet God. You need to go and prepare yourself mentally. This is where you can be spiritually and emotionally fed. The temple is truly holy grounds. Listen to the words of those covenants. Come to understand the power of the blessings you have already been given. This is where you can come out of the world and be fortified to stand in the world. The temple and the sacrament should be the most sacred growing and reaching out places.
(Vaughn J. Featherstone)
1-If a man, you will become mighty; if a woman, powerful (D&C 109:22 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;)
2-It will serve as great "insurance protection" for your marriage (D&C 132:19 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.)
3-The blessings of the Eternal Gods will be called down upon you. (D&C 109:12, 14 That thy glory may rest down upon thy people, and upon this thy house, which we now dedicate to thee, that it may be sanctified and consecrated to be holy, and that thy holy presence may be continually in this house; And do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house may be taught words of wisdom out of the best books, and that they may seek learning even by study, and also by faith, as thou hast said)
4-Unseen angels will watch over your loved ones when Satanic forced tempt them (Acts 27:33 And while the day was coming on, Paul besought them all to take meat, saying, This day is the fourteenth day that ye have tarried and continued fasting, having taken nothing.)
5-Your families will draw close to the Lord and there will be no empty chairs in the celestial kingdom. (Hymn#301 I Am A Child of God)
6-Your children will go on missions (D&C 109:58 That from among all these, thy servants, the sons of Jacob, may gather out the righteous to build a holy city to thy name, as thou hast commanded them.)
7-Your children will marry in the temple. (Conference Talks)
8-The veil will be thin, you will have great spiritual growth and many spiritual experiences will distill upon you. (D&C 138)
9-You will be prepared for exaltation--with a celestial mind, celestial body and a celestial personality (3 Nephi 12:3, 20 Yea, blessed are the poor in spirit who come unto me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Therefore come unto me and be ye saved; for verily I say unto you, that except ye shall keep my commandments, which I have commanded you at this time, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.)
10-You will see clearly how to make critical decisions that weigh heavily on your mind (D&C 109:42 But deliver thou, O Jehovah, we beseech thee, thy servants from their hands, and cleanse them from their blood.)
11-You will become Christlike. (D&C 109:22-25 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;
“Temples & The Work Therein” David B Haight October 1990
Sabbath Day Attendance
“Gratitude on the Sabbath Day” Henry B Eyring October 2016
HOMEWORK: Read “Gratitude on the Sabbath Day” Henry B Eyring October 2016 and make a list of what to do.
Because the prophets have promised it we are headed for rough waters. Look at the media and nature. Look at the wickedness in the world. As a whirlwind passes through it’s going to get worse. We cannot be complacent. We have to fortify our family. Satan is anxiously engaged in destroying them. His time is short and he knows it. The Lord has told us how to do it. These 5 things are the beginning of fortifying our home. They all involved consciously parenting. They have to happen in your home in a Spirit of love and joy not fear and doom. We need to have Christ centered homes and even if the world falls your home will stand firm and he will be there because you have invited him through your obedience.
Creating A House of Order
We often let our children act and then we step in to train, but our teaching is teaching them what ‘not’ to do and assume they are hearing what you want them to do.
When we say ‘don’t slam the door’ we think they are hearing ‘close the door quietly’.
All of us are focused on the negatives not the positives.
You cannot build a positive if it is built on a negative!!
If you want to produce a positive family we have to teach and train in a positive way.
Think about these 5 questions….
Class member: Last night for FHE I asked my kids ‘if we were the best possible family what would we be.’ They kept saying all the things we needed to stop doing. I asked them what positive things we could do to help our family. We are going to pick something to work on each day. This week I think we should pick 1 act of service for each person in the family each day this week. It was hard to get them to not look at the negative and focus on the positive.
Class member: I have a friend who works in the prison with the hardened criminals. They do what they do because they don’t know what to do. They want a specific result, but they don’t know how to get that result. The criminals don’t like the response they get, but they don’t know what to do to get a different result. We need to fill them with what ‘to do’.
It’s interesting to watch how many times you are saying the negative instead of teaching them what we do want them to do.
Class member: I have a 7 yr old girl and 3 yr old son. They were playing well together and I felt like I needed to tell them they were doing the right thing.
We need to teach our children what they are doing right and how they need to be. Our children need to have the big vision to see what they are actually going for.
Mormonad “Without a Goal”
We have to develop a system in our home so they can see if they are improving and so we can see if they are improving.
Heavenly Father presented a plan. We had a vote on it. If we didn’t know what it was we couldn’t have made an opinion on it. Heavenly Father put that plan in order. Heavenly Father spiritually made the plan.
When you build a house there is a separate sheet for each thing…plot, foundation, electrical, framing, etc. The inspector checks to see that everything is right because the plans are on sight all the time. They can look at the work and make sure it is up to grade. If it isn’t right they red tag it and they have to fix it and have it reinspected before they can go forward with any other building.
Heavenly Father did that too. He created everything spiritually before he created them temporally. Heavenly Father is our prototype. We need to parent in a way that has never been seen before except in how our Heavenly Father has parented.
President Boyd K. Packer said…
“The ultimate purpose of the adversary, who has great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time is to disrupt, disturb, and to destroy the home and family. The family is safe within the Church. We are not in doubt as to the course we must follow. It was given in the beginning, and guidance from on high is renewed as need may be. The distance between the church and the world set on a course which we cannot follow will steadily increase. Some will fall away into apostasy, break their covenants, and replace the plan of redemption with their own rules.”
Ensign April 1994 “The Father and the Family”
Stop listening to the voice of the world. Satan has his voice everywhere. Just because someone in the church tells you it’s right you still need to receive the confirmation of the Holy Ghost to see if it’s right for your own family.
You have to stop being reactive parents. You have to create the plan you want in your home. This plan is based on positives not negative rules.
Spencer W. Kimball “Doctrinal Insights to the Book of Mormon”
“We must strive at times to focus on the basic purposes of the work so the mere busyness does not create the illusion that we are effective when we are not.”
Joseph B Wirthlin “Follow Me” April 2002
Sometimes we feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth. Brothers and sisters, we can spend a lifetime whirling about at a feverish pace, checking off list after list of things that in the end really don’t matter.
You bond with who you spend your time with. If your kids are always gone from home then that is who they are bonding with. It is the Doctrine of the Family.
Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;
What are the verbs? Organize, prepare, establish. Scriptures are given in a list. They are given in lists as to order of importance. The first verb is “Organize”. Usually we tend to just go establish. I’m just going to tell you what we are going to do. If you start backwards it will not work. You have to do it frontwards to make it work.
How do you organize something?
My daughter in law has everything color coordinated. She organizes things. Everything is folded nicely and neatly. Sometimes my organization and order are more general. The pot goes in the kitchen.
You can’t organize your family around your family plan if you don’t have a family plan. The goal “Get back to the Celestial Kingdom” so we will just obey all the commandments. We need to have something that we can build on that is very specific. It needs to be as specific as the house the plans. It has an action to it and we can see progress. You don’t get to be a dictator. The family needs to have input in what the house/family look like. We each put in our ideas and we create something for everyone. It’s not an event to come up with it. It’s a process.
Class member: When you build you have to build to the uniform code. The Lord tells us how to have the structure be strong. We have to keep going back to the code to see that we are building it right.
Take this question to your FHE. You need to ponder it before you take it to family counsel. So does your husband.
Why do you need a family mission statement? It becomes the visual. The mission statement includes 2 parts. 1st part is what do you want your family to look like? What do you want your family to be?
When my children were growing up I would ask them what it meant to be a Tanner? They would say we work hard, really hard, and it means that we are spiritual. It means we go on missions. We get our Eagle Scouts. It means we have a lot of fun on backpack trips. They had a vision of what it meant to be a Tanner.
Your children should be able to say…”This is what our family stands for!” It gives them a sense of belonging and purpose.
2nd part is “What do we have to do to make that happen”?
You have a list of nouns and a list of verbs. Then to make it a statement you mesh those two.
Example: With permission, President Cobb of the Kuna Idaho Stake Presidency shared his family statement and motto…
Family Statement: “Our home will be founded upon the principles of faith, prayer, order, respect, love and gratitude. As a family we will go to church together, have family home evening together, eat together, read scriptures together, work together, pray together, and play together. As we do these things, we will have a Christ-centered home where the Spirit is present.”
Family motto is: “Be there!”
It is a list of “to be’s” followed by the list of “to do’s”.
He shared that when his daughter went to college and called home feeling lonely, he counseled her to repeat their family mission statement each evening and she would feel more connected to them. She did and it worked.
As a family, come up with a mission statement. Copy it and post it in your home. Recite it together. You relate those things back to your family mission statements during FHE.
It’s fun to have a family motto. Something that is short.
Decisions determine destiny!
“And we lived after the manner of happiness”
We can do hard things.
Have a family cheer that you do after family prayer. It can be simple or it can be longer.
Class member: Whoever says the pray say together we ‘pray’ together we ‘play’ together and because of that we will ‘stay’ together.
If you have younger kids as they get older you can ask them if there is something missing or something you would like to add to it.
Class member: We have friends stay with us from out of town. Right after family prayer the family put their hands in and said…“We will do our part with a happy heart.”
These are ways to identify and see what it means to be in your family! That is what will bond them to your family. Our kids need to bond in the home and be strong together.
Class member: I read an article and it said if you don’t want your children to stray then teach them their family history. They don’t need to find it elsewhere.
Class member: What would you recommend for a blended family?
Leave out the name or hyphenate the name. Say “in our home” that means anyone that is in our home. It’s hard to help blended family come together. You can help them say “While I’m here within these walls” this is what our vision needs to be. They get to help create what that safe place will be.
Class member: Does it matter the ‘verbs’?
You can say “we are” that’s stronger, but you can say “we want to be” lets them ‘become’.
Class member: To sign our we have a picture of our hands ‘watermarked’ behind our family mission statement. I feel like I want it to expand outside the walls of our home when they leave for college. My husband wrote the family mission statement. We have had it every since them. It’s evolved, but when we ask our kids if they want to change it they don’t want to change anything. We have made a family symbol now.
Tracy (my daughter) he family uses the scripture “If all men were like unto Moroni the gates of hell…” (Alma 48:187 their motto is “Let’s shake some hell!”
We need to create a sense of order than comes from a set routine. You have to look at this as ‘how can I make it work’ instead of ‘it can’t work because…’. Some of you came in just frazzled and everyone is always needy. You take control. You are going to create order. I don’t mean be bossy and powerful. The Lord’s kingdom has order. You can’t get baptized when you are 7 ½. It’s very dependable and concise way.
As you establish order you will wipe out arguments along the way.
“Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.”
If you are weary it means you go to bed earlier. If you arise early your bodies and minds will be invigorated. General Authorities get up at 4am because that’s when their minds are invigorated.
What is your inventory on texting, Pinterest, Facebook, watching TV, videos, computer, novels? Idle time are things we choose to do sometimes that are unproductive. Everyone needs down time, but down time shouldn’t be wasted time. You can have down time and still do something uplifting. Spend 10 minutes in the scriptures before your kids get up. Try it for a week and see if it’s a different experience. It’s the principle of you taking control instead of just reacting.
Anytime there is change your family will complain. They like what’s familiar and they like what is easy. Incorporate their help if they are older to establish the routine. There is no right way.
Class member: I have a testimony of getting up early. It changed my day in a big way. My 9 year old got up earlier. He does his homework and chores before school. Even after school was so much easier.
Little people need to ‘see’ it. Make a list or a chart.
Example: They need a time to get up. Greet them dressed.
We learn to love who we serve. The bond between the children will become greater.
Class member: I have a son that leaves at 6:30am. I have another son that leaves at 7:30pm and he thinks he should be able to sleep another hour. How do you get this to happen without creating more problems?
Take the 13 year old out for ice cream. Say, I know you have some problems with this. I can understand that. It’s got to be a challenge. I feel badly about that. What do you think we can do to make it different? It’s important to have family prayer in the morning. You being open to listen to him will change his heart faster. You can’t dictate, but you can solicit their help with solving the problem. Having scriptures is not the option. You need to have family prayer in the morning. Lay the doctrine on the table and then ask ‘How do you think the best way is to make it happen?’
Class member: What if you don’t have help from a spouse?
I didn’t. 10 years my husband was inactive. The key is you never ever criticize or condemn them to the children or to them. It has to be your gift to your children and your gift to your spouse. If you can do that and they don’t feel like you are nagging on them chances are they will turn around. It’s hard! It’s possible with the Lord.
You need to make part of your daily routine to SMILE! Smile at your children when they come home. Learn to smile. Tell your face that you are happy and thankful for your family. Make greeting them a habit. When they come home from school you go to the door. You greet them and touch them. ALWAYS!!! You meet at the cross roads. This is your children and your spouse. They need to know that you missed them and you want them there. There needs to be a physical touch and a smile.
Rites of Passage:
You start scouts, get baptized, start dating at a certain age. We have nothing in our society that says they are growing up except for a driver’s license. You only need a few of them and they need to be established in concrete! Be careful what your rites of passage are. They need to be sure!! The reason is you will make it for the first one and you want to give them that privilege a little bit early and it invalidates the first one. If you make them don’t break them.
Ideas: You establish your own because you have to enforce them.
Girls wearing makeup---If you establish the age of 13 and you have someone who is 12 and everyone at school is doing it. You say, “You can as soon as you are 13. We will go get some make up and learn how to put it on.”
If you allow make up on your girls please teach them how to put it on.
What age you get your ears pierced?
When you were allowed to not take a nap…. Once they went to school they got to not take naps.
At a certain age you can cook.
What happens by having a few. Then when the Lord says no dating until 16 they don’t push against it are less because they already understand rites of passage.
Once in a Lifetime Events:
You need to decide what do you want to do for high school graduation. What do you want to do before they open mission calls? Do you want to do something special the night before they leave for their mission? Do you do something special the night before they get married? Is there a special father’s blessing they need that night. What are you going to do when first babies are born in their families? They won’t forget. Make sure you do them.
I give homework because there is a difference between knowing and becoming. I want you to become different. That’s why you came to class. Every week I will give you homework. You can do it or not do it. If you want to enjoy the Spirit of the Lord helping you change you have to do something to be willing to have the Lord walk with you. He will empower you and will change your heart. You will be a different parent in 10 weeks than you are today. It will show the Lord you want to become. He will empower you to change.
Follow up: 4 Legs of the Table
What did you get from last week? Did you pick one to be more exact with? Did you look at Sunday? Anyone want to share?
Class member: Kids…how do you feel about doing FHE every Monday with or without Dad? They wanted to wait for Dad. They decided to do it anyway. Then we went to Utah and got home at 9pm last night. They are going to help with FHE lesson. It’s going to be a FHE because I have no desire to do FHE. It will happen.
Class member: We have been trying to do better. It can be really difficult. We have been working on just one verse with reading scriptures. The Sabbath is probably the hardest thing with my family. It’s really hard to have a peaceful Sabbath.
Peace we translate to be “quiet”. You can have organized chaos on Sunday. You can play games together, make cookies together. Focus on what you “CAN” do. Have a box with only Sunday activities….play dough, markers.
Class member: I have an almost 7 year old and almost 2 year old. My daughter is wanting to read more. The advice was to have the 2 year old repeat after us. He has been much more involved.
Class member: Our Sabbath Day has been a lot better. Now we have a lot of family members that are widows. Everyone of them is assigned a family to come to dinner. We had everyone come to dinner for Valentine’s Day. It’s helped my kids get out of themselves. They are hearing family stories.
A little over a year ago Elder Packer & Elder Perry talked. There were 9 talks given on the family. 9 of the 15 spoke on family or marriage. About 9 months later the Supreme Court agreed to same sex marriages. Those times are coming. Our faith wasn’t shaken because we already knew the doctrine. The Lord’s principles/doctrine will stay the same.
In 2015 the First Presidency had a leadership conference and since then there have been talks on Sabbath Day observance. Why do you think that is critical right now? Why is it critical that we not only teach it, but implement it as a solid practice right now?
Class member: It’s going to change the world by starting with the family. We will bring more light into this world as we do this.
Class member: I think the kids need to know that there is no more ‘gray scale’. Things are black and white now. You have to have your stand. We need to raise our kids with ‘this is how a family is.’ We need to train them and teach them and show them the way. It’s also to weed those members out of the church that haven’t been as strong in the church.
Class member: I think Sabbath Day gives us time to communicate. I think they are inundated with all these other things. I think we need a longer span of time to communicate, a longer time to influence them. They need to know who they turn to so they can feel the Spirit. Every now and then I need a longer date to just get over the every day things to get to the dreams and other things.
There was a time after the 200 hundred years or after King Benjamin’s talk. It was the youth that fell away because they didn’t believe what was taught. You may have a really strong testimony, but do your youth? If we don’t ground them and found them and make the gospel not just principles we believe, but principles that we live that they will be influenced by the philosophies of men.
I have watched Christians become anit-Christs. They go to church, but the teachings of Jesus are great philosophies, but to believe in the divinity of the Savior they don’t necessarily believe that. Part of teaching our children their divinity is to teach them to keep the Sabbath Day holy. We need to teach them the Sacrament is more than just bread and water. It needs to be in our souls so it will govern us. The process of learning to feel the Sabbath Day and want the Sabbath Day and to hunger and go to the Sacrament Table has to be in us.
I think the prophets are saying if you want to be anchored during these times the Sabbath Day/Sacrament is where you need to be anchored. I think we need to study and prayerfully read and focus and make it a matter of prayer and focus to increase that deep feeling of the Sabbath day. To me this isn’t a casual topic out there. I think it is a serious warning. This is a life saver to our children.
Class member: About a week ago I shared a post on Facebook that said, “Laman & Lemuel were more than just a bad attitude.” It’s a lot deeper than that. That journey was probably terrible. What made Nephi different was that he knew who he was and that Christ was his Savior and he was there guiding him. Laman & Lemuel didn’t believe that in their core. If we didn’t have that core we would all have a terrible time. I feel like the Sabbath Day gives us that time to get to know Christ and develop that relationship with him. I feel like because the youth are so strong Satan is working that much harder on them to pull them away. That’s why we need to work harder as well.
Our youth aren’t chosen because they are ‘cool’. They were chosen to do the work. You are chosen to prepare the way. You are chosen because you have a work to do.
4 Legs of the Table
I have a nephew that wrote an online book in 2015. I’ve been reading it over the last couple of days. It’s amazing! It’s about the last days. It’s about the time table of the last days. As you watch the signs of the times I know it’s close. It has made me think of panic. I think when we have a really good lesson on food storage and preparedness. The key is to not be fearful, but to have faith.
If you look at inside the church signs of the times, the upheaval of women holding the priesthood and the children in gay marriages and the conflict that arises within the church, that is a sign of the times.
Part of the parable of the 10 Virgins is that we are cleaning from the inside of the church out. Look at all the times just before the Savior came to America all the destruction, before he was crucified and the destruction, the pioneers and all the destruction. I don’t know ‘what’ to do, but the key is to know ‘what is coming’ and the vision.
If we follow the prophet we will know what to do. He is telling us exactly what to do is that we align ourselves carefully, completely, with super glue to the words of the prophet. It’s not just enough to listen to Conference. What did he say last time that you are doing? How have you changed? Do you see that is not good enough. If we want to be prepared for what is coming we need to already be glued to that iron rod. The mist of darkness is going to be like the mist that was there like the darkness during the destruction of the Nephites.
Hauns Mill…He went to Far West to visit with Joseph Smith . Joseph Smith counseled that he needed to bring in all the people into Far West. He didn’t tell the people the counsel of the prophet so they didn’t leave.
The prophet will always warn us. When something is repeated it is now at the top of the list. Usually when we hear the same thing over and over and over we tend to tune out. We need to tune in and evaluate our compliance with that commandment. Seldom will we hear “Thus saith the Lord…” We think it was a good talk. We don’t think Heavenly Father is telling me what I need to do.
Richard G Scott “Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority”
“When these tools become fundamental habits, they provide the easiest way to find peace in the challenges of mortality.”
Family Prayer, Family Scriptures, FHE, Temple Attendance + Sabbath Day
You will see the country and the church in turmoil. You will see members falling away because of the doctrines of men.
We know these are the guidelines, but what I really want to teach is the blessings. If you want the blessing you obey and he will give you the blessing.
He had leprousy. The prophet told him to go wash in the dirty River Jordan 7x. The servant said if you had been told to do something big you would have done it, so why not do the small things.
He had to obey the law with exactness. Naaman had what he thought was a ‘valid excuse’ not to do it. It was pride. How often when you don’t do one of these things is it because of some excuse you have made? The focus becomes the excuse rather than making obedience a quest. Instead you need to say how can I make this happen.
President Ezra Taft Benson put it most poignantly when he said, “When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power.”
Principle: Morning & Night
Promises: Ease family tensions, check the dread disease that erodes our society (pornography, immorality, apathy), children will remember the poor and the needy, hearts will be open in compassion, children will gain respect for parents, as we pray for leaders in our country they will feel the respect for liberty, children will grow in love for parents, they will know parents believe in God, your heart will fill with peace. It will protect your family day to day from the adversary and destroying angels.
Example: We had family prayer sometimes with sleeping children and sometimes with wakeful children. A lot of times you won’t know when the Lord has blessed you. Guardian angels are there to watch over your children. We were in Utah. The family was going different directions. Jana & Ashley were driving home from Provo. Jana had been an EFY counselor and was really tired. Ashley was going to keep her awake. Jana fell asleep for just a minute. She rolled the car 3 times. Jana was not conscious. The next car behind them had a doctor and a nurse from Mountain Home. They called 911. Ashley called me in Provo. I said I can’t get there. I said call your Dad in Boise. Mike usually worked out in Meridian. That day he was at the end of Broadway. He got there before the ambulance. Both of them went home. Ashley still has a big scar across her neck where the seatbelt was. Jana was black and blue and had a few stitches over her eye.
Example: Corey was on a scout activity. They were up on Mt Borah. There is a place called “Chicken Out Ridge” Corey was coming down it too fast and slid. Just before he hit the drop his backpack caught on the only bush that was in the shale.
The angels are there to watch over our children. It is more important that they are there to protect them from influences. There is a shield that is put around them to guard them when you kneel in family prayer. I wouldn’t send my children out into the world without that shield.
FAMILY SCRIPTURE STUDY
Principle: Study the scriptures daily…family and personal.
Your responsibility is come to family scripture study and then have your personal scripture study.
By age 2 they are wanting a bedtime story. They could have a bedtime story from the scriptures. They need a Book of Mormon and the “Friend”.
I went to a Mother-Daughter thing. One question was what’s your Mother’s favorite thing to do? She said “Read the Book of Mormon”. I had never said that.
Promises….spirit of reverence will increase, mutual respect, more considerate of each other, spirit of contention will depart, parents will counsel in love and wisdom, righteousness will increase, children will be more responsive and submissive, peace, joy and happiness in your home, the strength to resist temptation will increase, strong faith in the grace of God, they will come to know they will be empowered through the Atonement to do those things that seem difficult.
Practices…start by age 2…Friend stories, own copy of scriptures.
It is essential that children hear the words of the prophets. The children repeat the words. When kids get to be about 5 and kids are just starting to read and it takes them forever as they stumble through reading a verse.
Class member: It will help them be a better reader. My son could read on a college level at a very young age.
Class member: When my kids were little, my son (who is red) argued with his teacher that it is “mine paper”….he argued with the teacher because that is what they are reading.
Class member: We would recap everyday in the story where we were. The first time he got the plates. The second time Spencer was 4 he said, “They forgot the cups and the napkins.”
Choose when you read (that is a practice). They put the Book of Mormon in their car. The power of doing it with exactness was important.
I challenge you from this point to accept that challenge…to read from the Book of Mormon every day.
FAMILY HOME EVENING
Principle: 1999….we counsel parents and children to give the highest priority to FHE, however worthy or appropriate other activities might be. FHE is for everyone.
No one is exempt. The picture just looks different. It’s Family Home Evening not hour. Your lesson may be very, very short, but the evening is where the family bonds together. It should be an evening of family time together.
Promises: It will take away stress, give direction to our lives, adds protection to our home (increase capacity to not listen to inappropriate music or watch inappropriate videos), love will increase, obedience will increase, youth will gain power to combat the evil influences that will beset them.
C Scott Grow---BYU Devotional
Somehow, a tradition has developed in the Church. In fact, you may have heard members say, "We hold our family home evenings on Sunday, and on Monday nights we have activities." Note that the First Presidency letter says that Monday Night is the time for family home evenings. Also note that Monday night is not for activities, but as they counsel, "to teach the gospel in their homes."
I hope that you can have vision to see what the prophets are seeing as they give us this counsel. Satan is targeting our homes and families. The day has passed when we can be casual in holding family home evening, daily family scripture study, or family prayer and still have real hope to hold our children close to the family and close to the Church.
I feel like this is one of the opportunities to obey with exactness. You pay 10% tithing…not 9%. I know that I am doing FHE on Monday night.
Practices---Every home is different. There are some things that have to be in place.
1. You have to be enthusiastic about it.
2. You need to get older children involved in giving the lesson. Particularly teenagers need to go to LDS.org and find material to have good lessons. You show them where to go and how to find new things.
Class member: My 7 year old reminded me that last night was FHE. I said what do you want to talk about. She got on the Ipad and found stuff on LDS.org. She found a video about Christ being baptized. She found a song about baptism.
I think we think we have to do it all. They learn to love it as they become part of it. From nursery we send home a paper every week that represents something they have done each week. Have them hold their picture and tell them about it. They are hearing about it one more time. That reinforces it.
300 Object Lessons (Website)
Teach a principle. Teach an application. Then DO IT!!! It needs to be applied or it’s not internalized. We are not there to teach knowledge. No one is converted unless they apply.
No cell phones, no texts during FHE!!! They are connecting somewhere else. They aren’t connecting with you.
Encourage the spirit of reverence. There are moments when you should. Teach children how to bear testimony. Little people need to learn reverence. Their attention span is short, but you had better start teaching it at home. They need to learn that now is appropriate to sit here and listen for a few minutes.
Sometimes our children are so uncomfortable with the Holy Ghost that they don’t know what to do with it. They do something to break the spirit. They make a joke. They do it in Sunday School. This is the time you teach them. It is to be invited and not chased out.
Make it fun! Make it exciting!
Principle: Regular temple attendance (often and regular). For every person it is different.
I would recommend you make this a sacrifice priority. You need to give up something else to do it.
Class member: In Colorado I had a little guy at home still. The temple president had gotten up. I could feel my testimony slipping a little. He talked about this woman who had to drive for a long time and she had little kids. I thought if she can do it I will do it. I decided I would go every week for a year. There were so many tender mercies through that year. For the first 3-4 months I left the temple crying each day. So much was changing…just with me. It was amazing what it did! I decided just recently to do that again. I find it’s harder now even though he is older. I remember someone saying if you have a struggling marriage or a struggling teenager go to the temple. I just miss feeling that spirit all the time. I was doing mostly family names. I had such a connection to my ancestors.
The thing about going to the temple is that no one can tell you the blessings of the temple unless you go consistently. It’s the consistency of it. Have you ever been in a room where you go into the dining room where you have a dimmer switch. That’s what it’s like in going to the temple consistently, regularly. It’s like taking that knob. You have light. Then it turns up a little. You have the capacity that increases the light you have in you. Your capacity to learn, feel, study, know inside you. When you stop going the dimmer switch starts going down. For exaltation we want to increase our capacity to endure light. That light comes on a little at a time. Your ability to learn everywhere increases.
I went consistently, but working in the temple every week I just can hardly wait until Friday morning comes so I can go serve in the temple. You just have to experience it! It is amazing! Everything the Lord says about the temple is true.
Blessings…Increase ability to righteousness and light, understand the priesthood better, the veil becomes thin, become more receptive to divine guidance, more sensitive to receive light
Get your children involved. Get them to do baptisms. Get them to do family search. They can go to family search and put a memory of someone on there. When they start posting memories they feel the connection. They feel the bonding that makes them want to participate in the temple.
Elder Bednar says doing temple work will save our children in these days.
It is imperative that we keep the Sabbath Day holy. We need to keep this day as a sign between us and the Lord of how we feel about Him. When you look at the activities you want to do on the Sabbath day teach your children “What sign am I giving the Lord about how I am using His day?”
This is one of the things that will protect us as we come into the last days. One of the key elements is the Sacrament. We can be tempted as mother’s to use digital devices to keep our children entertained for Sacrament meeting. Keep what you bring simple and keep it for only younger children. Children will rise to whatever standard you set. Even 3 year olds can sit at least through the Sacrament with nothing.
Teach them in FHE so they can do it in Sacrament Meeting. As you take your children out that it is a training moment, not an entertainment moment. If you let them run the halls, get a drink, or play do you think they want to sit in Sacrament Meeting. Parent intentionally!!! You want to teach even your little ones to come unto Christ to feel his love and companionship for him. That happens in Sacrament Meeting and on the Sabbath Day. They should come to him and feel his presence.
A picture of peace
There once was a King who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them.
One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror, for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.
The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell and in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest in perfect peace.
Which picture do you think won the prize? The King chose the second picture. Do you know why?
'Because' explained the King, 'peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.'
There will be turbulence all around. The only place to come for peace will be the temple or your home if you make your home a temple. The Savior wants to be there. Prepare your home to receive Him.
ADDITIONAL NOTE FROM ANDREA....
There are more "blessings" from obeying each leg of the table posted in the links from previous years as well as the actual references to the quotes. You can find those here....
4 Table Legs 2015
4 Table Legs 2014
4 Table Legs 2013
Follow up: 4 Legs of the Table
4 Table Legs
Marriage is next week. I decided we aren’t going to do any of those this week…the other 3 (self esteem, morality, stress/adversity). I went to Ontario, OR and did an all day women’s conference and I’m going to share with you what I taught over there.
Who can tell me the story of Esther in the Old Testament?
Esther was a Jewish girl. She was an orphan. Her parents died and her uncle raised her. The king wanted a new queen so word went out and women were selected and were trained for a year in how to be a queen. They were adorned with everything. Esther said she didn’t want that. She didn’t feel comfortable for that. They all went one at a time and were presented before the king. Esther stood out and he married her. She lived in the palace. One of the kings head leaders Haman was a proud man and he loved power and authority. He demanded that everyone bow down to him and Mordecai wouldn’t. Haman was going to have all the Jews killed. He told the king this tale about how they were bad. The king agreed. All the Jews were to be killed on a certain day. Mordecai told her about the plan and told her that this was the opportunity to save her people. There was also a law in the land that you can’t go before the king without an invitation. The penalty was death. Esther said if Mordecai would get the Jews together and fast then she and her handmaids would fast. “If I perish I perish.” She fasted for 3 days and dressed and went before the king. He held out his hand to her which meant she could come. She invited the king and Haman to a feast. They came to her feast. It was great. As the feast is coming to a close, Esther tells the king she is a Jew and about the plan. The king is angry. Haman is killed and Mordecai receives great respect in the kingdom.
Her purpose was that she was saved for this day for a certain purpose.
“Creating Places of Security” by Virginia Jensen (October 1997)
Think of all the gays, divorce, premarital sex, living together, abortions, think about now…evil threatens to engulf our world.
You were held to come forth at this time because of who you were. You came because you proved yourself
President Ezra T Benson… (this fireside address was given at Brigham Young University on 4 March 1979.)
The general authorities have said this is as bad or worse than the days of Noah or Soddom and Gommorah. Ours it to prepare to meet God.
President Spencer W. Kimball “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters” October 1978….
Russell M Ballard “Women of Righteousness” April 2002
Then the question is if that is who you really are, “How come when you went into the mirror this morning you didn’t say, Wow! I’m so awesome. I was saved for today.” You don’t feel like that fits you. This is you. Stop buying into Satan’s advertisement. That isn’t you.
Story: “Give Me Your Pearls”
He was waiting for her to give up the dime store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.
Heavenly Father wants you to give up the dime store image you have of yourself so he can give you the real image of who you are. Not who you can become. Not who you might be. Not if you pray 7 more times a week or 20 minutes longer. It’s what you are right now. You have the gifts. You have been saved to come now because of who you already are. It’s Satan who doesn’t want you to believe in who you really are. Why is it that we look at everyone else and say they are better than me. We have to stop comparing.
The reason is because women feel the same, think the same, hurt the same, are lonely the same. We have different experiences, but what is inside of us is the same. It doesn’t matter what we look like. The inside of women is the same because we came given the same gifts and responsibilities and we are all living in a wicked world. We tend to build walls around ourselves because we are the only one. We want to appear to have no cracks and no flaws.
We shut each other out. Part of that is because of last weeks lesson on communication. Often it’s because it shuts doors and we are afraid of how they will be received. People need to feel safe to talk with you.
If there is no one that can relate in this room when we are done I need to talk to you.
Story: “Torture of Buying a Bathing Suit”
I love that story because it’s the only story that unites women. You can relate to this story. Some of us more than others can relate. There is a commonality between women. The Lord intended for us to live in a very wicked world. The interesting thing is that he intended for us to be joyful. If we are going to be in a wicked place how are we going to find joy. Is the Lord giving us 2 opposites that are impossible to attain? No.
Which road map are we following. If we are miserable like unto Satan whose road map are we following? If you are joyful whose roadmap are you following? By their fruits you shall know them. That’s the roadmap you are following.
Satan’s road map with you (it’s different with children and husband) is to keep you focused on the great and spacious building. When you look to the world to tell you what happiness, success, and joy are then you are focused on the great and spacious building. When you look to the Lord then you are holding onto the rod. For women we need to find out whose road map we are following seeking to get to a good eternal end.
Are we being led away a bit in the fog and mist?
Scientifically he will tell you that this is true. It’s in Ted Talks on Youtube “Shawn Achor” “The Happiness Advantage” (12 minutes long). He is not LDS.
Joy is not free. There is a price to pay. The price is being on the path. You have to have a ticket to get on the path. If you do these things you actually affect the chemistry in the brain. He will tell it to you scientifically. I will tell it to you by the gospel.
If you will do these 5 things daily for 21 days it will change your brain waves. You can reprogram yourself to be happy. They make all the difference in the world.
1. Joy comes as you learn to live in the present.
“In the Music Man…Professor Hill you pile up enough tomorrows and you will find you have collected empty yesterday. There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today. “Horace…whatever hour God has blessed you with take it with grateful hand…in whatever place you have been you may say you have lived happily.
Elder Ballard “Daughters of God” April 2008
I will be happy when the kids are in bed. I’ll be happy when…. We postpone when we train ourselves to be happy. We train ourselves to never be happy because we are never ‘there’. Happiness is a destination that we can’t make it to.
Living in the moment means we celebrate the now.
I remember my daughter had a child get into the flour. The child was covered in flour. She stopped and took pictures of it. That’s celebrating the now. Even when they are doing ornery things they celebrate the now.
1. Every night write in a journal write one positive thing that happened in the day. This allows you to relive that positive. As you continue to do that you train your brain to look for the positives.
2. Everyday record 3 gratitudes. Presidents Eyrings Talk “Remember Remember”. The power comes in writing them. As you write them you imprint them in your mind and soul. Something positive in the now experience
3. Get involved in Service every day. Random acts of service. Elder Bednar will sit in sacrament meeting and will look out over the ward and pray that the spirit will help her know someone that needs her this week. You do the do. Don’t be afraid to do the do. They can be big things. They can be little things. Everyone needs to be loved. Sometimes those you think are most loved are the loneliest because everyone thinks they are so loved that no one expresses love for them. Don’t ever assume that someone looks so self sufficient that they don’t need it. Don’t diminish your acts of service. Don’t demean yourselves. The Lord can’t give you the joy in the service if you are demeaning it. I want you to know ways the Lord uses you. You become his angels of mercy when you kiss the child’s skinned knee. You become his hands when you take his children one by one. When you sing away a nightmare. When you bear your testimony verbally. When you pray for your children and your friends by name and ask for heavens protection. When you listen to someone recount their burdens. You can carry them with them for a moment. You become the servant of the Lord by doing that. You just hold someone and help them feel loved. When you kneel in gratitude for your blessings. When you give thanks for knowing you are his daughter and he loves you. Service can be to anyone, but it is given with a joyful heart. It’s not given as a duty or an assignment. It’s given with joy. When it is you receive joy.
Class member: I always keep telling myself that it’s not my season right now to do the service. I have too many little kids. Sitting here just the little things. It was giving me that excuse.
When you go to the Lord with a willing heart the Lord will show you something you can do to serve.
Class member: My parents left yesterday for a couple weeks. I never appreciated what they did to help me. Yesterday I had to take both my kids to the doctor. This lady helped me hold the baby while I went and got my daughter. I realized that I need to be more appreciative of my parents.
4. Exercise. It doesn’t have to be go to the gym for an hour. Take a 20 minute walk. Do something physical. That process gets the endorphins running. It makes you feel good. It makes you more successful in everything you do. Your energy goes up. You are a better mother. Your mind works better. Your mind clears. As much as I dislike exercise it needs to be a daily part of being happy. It doesn’t need to be something.
Class member: I’ve been working on that this school year. I have a 14 year old that has started asking questions about how you feel. He said how have you been feeling. Has your exercise thing been working for you. I feel like you are a lot less grumpy. I have really noticed that. That’s kind of funny. The fact that he noticed is huge.
Class member: Here is a question for anyone to answer? Exercise at night?
Class member: It’s not a good thing because your brain will be going and going….you will be awake. You will feel better because you are exercising. It’s best to do it in the morning.
Class member: I agree with that it’s better in the morning, but any exercise is good. I always do it with someone too is because it helps with companionship. I can talk it out without those angry feelings. My husband has been the same way. He says you want to go running.
Class member: I read about this in a running magazine. While it depends on who you are. I can exercise and be down for the night. Those who exercise in the morning have more of a fulfilling day than those who exercise at night. But exercise when you can.
5. Read your scriptures and say your prayers. Invite the Lord into your everyday.
Heavenly Father wants us to be happy, but just like everything it’s not just a to do list to Heavenly Father to make us happy. He will tell us what to do to make ourselves happy. He made this body. Some of us take care of it better than others. He knows what it is that creates joy. He is saying I will help you through and give you strength to do everything if you turn to me and ask me. I will lead you and guide you. I will go before your face. I will send angels to buoy you up (D&C 88). It’s not a free gift. We have to do these things to earn the gift.
I challenge you to do it for 21 days…starting today.
I know the Lord has given us the answers. I know when we are miserable. I don’t think we are supposed to be laughing through the hard times, but even with the hardest times he will walk us through it. We can see his hand in it and see his face and now there is an end to Carthage. There is a way over Rocky Ridge. That knowledge can bring us joy.
Elder Russell M Ballard “Women of Righteousness” April 2002 “Every sister who stands for truth and righteousness diminishes the influence of evil. Every sister who strengthens and protects her family is doing the work of God. Every sister who lives as a woman of God becomes a beacon for others to follow and plants seeds of righteous influence that will be harvested for decades to come. Every sister who makes and keeps sacred covenants becomes an instrument in the hands of God.”
Celebrate it. It describes you.
Follow Up: 4 Table Legs
Follow up: 4 Table Legs
Who found their table a little out of whack? What did you see? What did you think about?
Class member: We are lacking in all of them. Our table is very short. I was gung ho on all of it. I talked to my husband and he was saying it’s not going to work. You are going to give up in a week. I was surprised at how much it took the wind out of my sails. After the first couple of days I decided it didn’t matter what he said we are going to do it. We went and got scriptures and journals for everyone. There is no holding me back. I’m not giving him that power.
How are the children reacting?
Class member: They all wanted to pick their own journals and scriptures. They are so excited. They love it. What surprised me was that after a few days my husband is coming around to “I’ll do it with them.”
Class member: So many amazing things happened in our house last week. We went and got scriptures for my 4 year old my 7 year old had hers. I asked her if the 4 year old would like to get up and mark scriptures. I haven’t had to play referee for a week. My husband was on board. We have been doing couples prayers. The blessings pouring out have been unbelievable. I am teaching in RS on “Keeping your Covenants” and everything we talked about in here applies. Everything we are learning about here goes in everywhere in my life. It’s true. We struggled with the 4 legs and we have a really short table. Our table is getting taller. On my ponder pad I put on our RS Facebook page to see if anyone wanted to trade mornings babysitting so we can go to the temple. We will set up 2 days a month so whoever wants to can get to the temple once a month.
I hope that enthusiasm keeps up. It’s what the Lord says.
Class member: I just kept thinking it doesn’t matter what we have on our table if our table isn’t stable. I would think ‘it’s kind of hectic’. This is offering stability to the legs. It was the good, better, best. I was going to the legs first and then everything else will matter more.
Class member: You said one thing that was an answer to prayers. My 10 year old hates church because he has to sit for 3 hours and he wants to do sports. All your problems will go away. I thought it’s not him that’s doing it wrong. It’s us that aren’t doing what we need for him. My husband has been out of town all week. It’s been all on me. We have been saying prayers 2x a day and reading scriptures.
Tracy’s kids would be active in church. She instigated what was Sunday Superstars. They had treats for Sunday. If you were good you got the treats and if you weren’t you didn’t get it. She would say, “Are you a superstar?”
Class member: I just felt like we were pushing it on him.
You have to make it so they want it
Class member: I had a 1 legged table. We do ‘fun’ great. Praying 25x a day we just don’t. Scriptures just didn’t work. I didn’t do amazing like everyone else did. I went and go scriptures. My 4 year old has ripped them. So wat least we opened them. We are starting to get nubs. I can tell we are trying.
What we are doing now is changing percentages. I don’t expect anyone that had a 1 legged table to have a solid 4 leg table.
Class member: I was telling my friend that this class is therapy. Sometimes as mothers we think everyone has it all together. I love the honesty and no judgment in here. It makes me feel better.
I would be that most of us have tea size party tables. All of us can improve. We can all move forward. You can be more real here. That’s what makes it helpful. I don’t have it yet and I have been teaching it forever.
Class member: The temple is what I needed to work on. My baby is eating solids now. She can stay for long enough for us to be here in class the temple is not that much longer. The Lord opens up a way when you have the desire. “Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you.” His hand is there.
If you ask and look at one of them and say I believe that principle, but I have all these other things…early morning seminary, kindergartener, preschooler. The mindset is I’m going to the Lord with I can’t do this and here is why. Instead go with “I’ve got a preschooler, early morning seminary, how do I make this work?” Then you are inviting revelation. He can’t help you do something that you don’t have a desire for. How you approach it opens or closes the door to revelation.
Class member: Whether it’s a quest or an irritant can apply to anything. You look forward. You are ready for action. When it is an irritant you have closed yourself off. You aren’t even trying. I’m starting to look at everything as a quest or an irritant.
Class member: Family scripture was non-existent. I’m getting a preschooler up or husband was not able to participate. I had to do it in 2 separate shifts. It has been amazing. In our home that’s how it has to work. My teenagers won’t leave until they have scripture study. Now they love it. I can individualize…high schoolers vs. young kids. I’ve been able to incorporate “Come Follow Me”.
You go with the attitude to help it work.
Class member: She has a senior FHE and a junior FHE in their homes.
Have the teenager teach it to the younger one. Then after the 1st half hour the little ones can go play, but take it on another level. These are just practices. How you do it is the practice.
Class member: You used exactness last week. I think ‘perfection’ and it’s not. It’s how does this work for my family.
This is seeking with exactness in ‘desire’. Our goal is not perfection right now. It’s perfection over time. We want to see to obey the commandments with exactness for us. We are trying all the time.
Class member: President Uchtdorf talked about perfection and when we fall it makes us feel like we can’t go again because I wasn’t perfect and I don’t try again. If we have the mindset that we are going to fall we can get back up again easier. I can keep trying.
That’s where the exactness comes in.
I have to go back 2 weeks…QUESTIONS: How are you doing with your questions? I gave you questions to rewrite. Did you rewrite them?
Who is Abinidi? A prophet, the guy that died in the fire.
How do you rewrite the question so you can get them into the topic?
In the discussion you will find out that someone doesn’t know about. Have them tell the story.
What does it mean to repent? Say you’re sorry.
How do you rewrite that question?
What you have to do as a parent? What you have to do is listen for their answer. In their answer formulate your question.
How did that make you feel?
Tell me about it. What’s going on inside his feelings?
It could have been his fault, but when you said sorry how did you feel inside?
I felt good. You did? What do you think it was?
You are trying to get them to teach themselves to teach the principle. If you do the talking they don’t care. If you get them to say it you are getting the Holy Ghost to testify to them.
Class member: I have a child that would just say, ‘fine…good’.
There are personalities that are very closed. Some of you would not contribute because it’s not your personality. You are more comfortable sitting back. Some of our kids are like that too. Those kinds of children are the ones that you need to ‘touch’ them, but do a soft gentle touch. When I talk to you I am going to have a gentle touch to you. That’s all. You have to watch those children because sometimes they have soft moments. If they are in their reading you take cookies and milk up there. What are you reading? What are you studying? How is your teacher? You are opening up a relationship. As that relationship becomes safer they will talk to you not in front of the family, but in one-on-one.
Class member: How did you manage it all?
When I had 9 under 9 it is crazy. It’s hits about when the 3rd child comes. You are already in it 100% of the time. Once you hit 3 it really doesn’t even matter. This is the principle. It is true. If you have 5 children can you do it with all of them all the time everytime something happens? No. But they all need it some of the time. If you always keep your children in the same boat…herd the sheep into dinner and into the bathtub. Instead of that mentality of getting them fed, clothed, corrected. It’s magnified glorified babysitting. Instead…stop and look at them individually.
(Class Notes) 4 Table Legs
Most of your problems are solved in this lesson. I can’t teach it well enough to get you to know that. If you do this lesson with exactness most of your other problems will just go away. Marriage, family, children, parenting…the problems will just go away.
Julie B. Beck Mother’s Who Know….October 2007
Boyd K. Packer “Little Children” Ensign October 1986
Class member: Last night we were getting ready for FHE. My 8 month old had her arms and was folding them. We focused on that and then my 4 year old wanted the applaud too. Eventually they all were.
Your mood is so much better. You still have the Spirit to be with you.
I was watching the Herbie movies. There is a time or two and there is a time he loses a tire. Have you ever thought about driving a car with 3 tires. It doesn’t work well. If you took off 1 leg of your dining room table what happens. The reason I like to call this lesson the 4 legs of the table is because this is the foundation for building the righteous family. Because your family is out of balance you can put in a lot of good stuff, but it tends to slide off. This is the foundation for every good righteous family.
2. Scripture Study
4. Temple Attendance
You have wonderful excuses for that. We only have family prayer once a day….because…because…because… The whole focus has to be not telling him why you can’t do it, but going to Heavenly Father and saying this is a tough thing for me but how do I do it.
Henry B Eyring Ensign “Finding Safety In Council” April 1997
When we make a choice we are not free from the consequence. If we choose not to obey we are choosing to follow a different influence. There will still be a consequence…good or bad.
What is a warning…it tells you something is wrong. It is to alert you that something is going to be wrong and I’m helping you do something about it.
If I know the consequences of overeating, but don’t do it will I be spared the consequences of it. Was I free from consequences of not eating right? The consequence may not be immediate. The consequence lightning did not strike my car. I ‘know’ but I am not willing to pay the price with exactness. You would know because you could look at me and see it. If you heed the warnings with exactness will you have to come in here and tell me? No.
Class member: I don’t know that we would have to tell you, but our experiences during the week.
I will see it in your countenance. Your home radiates with the Spirit. You will radiate with the Spirit.
Pick one and work on something. Something is better than nothing, but is it going to get me where I want to be.
Jeffrey R Holland “I Have A Question” Ensign 1976
Story of Naaman 2 Kings 5
Scripture Chain…one scripture leads to another…teaches a whole doctrine about something that you might have missed if you have just read the first scripture.
‘you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.’
What are your prayers like?
‘you did not continue as you commenced’
Did we continue on (especially after a good day) to pray with the same intensity. “What do I need to do to develop patience?” We expect the Lord to do it. We pray with real intensity for a couple of days and then let it go. It’s learning self-discipline. This is a long term answer.
“I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.”
There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.
If you want a blessing find the law upon which it is predicated follow the commandment.
Financial Wealth---Tithing, Fast Offerings & Keep Sabbath Day Holy D&C 59
What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.
“Obedience Life’s Greatest Challenge” Donald Staheli April 1998
We should start Tuesday morning about the next FHE. It needs to be on my mind all day for a week. If their attitude is good are you reaping the blessings of that. If I am back to the irritant do I reap the blessing?
Problems in our home….(from little until they leave)
No Understanding of the Gospel
Lack of Responsibility
All those problems can be changed by living the 4 Table Legs. Look at the law and the blessings. Choose the blessings you want and live the law with ‘exactness’ to receive those blessings.
Law: Family Prayer morning and night, Personal Prayer morning and night, 3x Blessing on the food, and couple prayer, and a prayer in your heart all day
Class member: I was in the Hill Cummorah Pageant. That was one of the first times prayer hit me. We would have a devotional. Start with a prayer. Throughout the whole thing we prayed all the time. I was aware of how many people prayed.
Promised by President Hinckley….The Blessings of Family Prayer Ensign Feb 1991
Feb 2001 “No Substitute For Family Prayer”
“Greatest Challenge in the Word is Parenting” James E Faust October 2009
Our attitude before and after is an important as the word we say. It’s important that we discuss the needs during the day. We are praying for our family. Pray in specifics. Suzy is having a spelling test. Mary has a track meet. Johnny is having a math test. We pray for them specifically. Pray for safety and able to resist temptation. It’s important to hear them hear their name in prayer. As we come together in the evening it needs to be an evaluation of how the day went before prayer. How did the test go? The track meet? The test? CTR moment? It’s done by name on an individual basis.
I have had life saving experiences that have been in answer to family prayer.
Class member: My 4 year old is good at saying prayers part of the time, but other times it’s too hard. How do I encourage her to say the prayer?
This morning I will say it and then tonight you can try it again. You need to be saying their prayers sometimes. You can force the Spirit away. You can’t force them to feel the Spirit.
Law: Scriptures---personal daily and family daily
Does it matter what time of day you do it? I recommend that each of your children have their own scriptures, red pencil, tablet and pen. Teach them to make a workbook out of the scriptures.
Class member: My kids adored the little tiny Book of Mormons.
Class member: Draw pictures by the stories. Let them scripture chase.
Class member: Electronics…what do you do about it?
They need to have a chance to actually mark them. They have a hard time knowing how to mark them. Their scriptures need to be able to be marked in. We are going to color and write and mark up.
Class member: My old visiting teacher. Every time she reads the Book of Mormon she buys a new one and marks it up differently…Faith, Testimony, etc. Make them a workbook.
That feeling is what you are going for. You want them going through it and riffling through it. We scripture chase. Get them their own copy of the Conference talks. In the Friend there are things about the Conference talk. When they get old enough to read they need their own. It is their scriptures for 6 months.
President Ezra T Benson “Cleansing The Inner Vessel” April 1986
“This Day” Henry B Eyring April 2007
Family Home Evening
1915 Joseph F Smith counseled church
1970 FHE Manual
1999—2x that year FHE Monday night “We strongly suggest, we strongly encourage…”
Visiting Teaching Message
Stake President…FHE is “Family Home EVENING”---all night and until that next morning. We are together that whole night. You can play games and sit around the table and do homework together.
The purpose is to teach and train and bind the hearts. When you go the Lord as a ‘quest’ he will tell you how to make it work. When you go as an ‘irritant’ the heavens close.
Elder David A Bednar “More Diligent at Home” November 2009
Neil L. Andersen “Prophets & Spiritual Mole Crickets” October 1999
Neil L. Andersen “Prophets & Spiritual Mole Crickets” October 1999
If you don’t have a recommend look to see what’s keeping you from getting one. If you have one make sure it’s current. If it’s current….use it.
The temple may be the only place we can go to find the spirit of peace. We will need to bring it back into our homes.
LAW: Regular temple attendance….what’s the minimum? This law is more open than any of them. Regular temple attendance is between you and the Lord. The question is “is it a quest or an irritant’? Any day you decide to go Satan will make it inconvenient. You can expect there to be something will go wrong.
Check your legs of the table and see if you need to go to the temple.
(Vaughn J. Featherstone)
“Temples & The Work Therein” David B Haight October 1990
My Dad worked in the Ogden Temple Presidency. There was an older guy that kept coming in. One day he came and said I don’t understand why they command us to go to the temple all the time. I’m not getting things more. It’s not changing. You have to let the temple go through you. As you go there properly you become more spiritually sensitive to spiritual learning…reading scriptures, praying, scolding children. You whole being becomes more purified in the temple. As it become more able to accept light then we can be refined spiritually so we can receive spiritual things. It actually changes your very nature so you become more able to experience light and knowledge. It increases our spiritual capacity.
Heavenly Father has given us simple things to do with exactness. He has promised us great blessings if we will keep these commandments. I promise you that you will feel a great feeling of love and peace in your home if you keep them with exactness.
“This Day” Henry B Eyring April 2007
Homework: Pick one and do it before the end of class. You will see a change.
Notes from classes and other information will be posted here. Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared. You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question.
I will be posting my class notes from Thursday Parenting Class within a few days after class.