Carleen Tanner's Positive Parenting
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Follow up: Legs of the Table

1/31/2017

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1-31-17  Follow Up: Legs of the Table
 
How did the week go?  How did the homework go?
 
Class member:  I listened to President Eyring’s talk twice and then started to read it in the Ensign.  It stuck more that I needed to be more prepared for the Sabbath.  That was a good step for me to do the preparation ahead of time.
 
My best conference study is when I am listening to them in the car and driving around. 
 
Did anyone evaluate where you are with the Legs of the Temple?
 
Class member:  We recommitted to work on Personal Progress and Faith in God.  After they were done eating they both started working on their things.  They spent at least an hour and started working on them.  I noticed a difference in their attitude and behavior. 
 
This is a 100% perfect example of intentional parenting.  We hope they will do it by theirselves, but they don’t.  That’s why they have a parent.  They need to have someone to return and report to.  This was living by the Spirit.  The Holy Ghost prompting you. 
 
A lot of kids now are big readers.  They do a lot of reading.  Parents will say they are reading, but not watching TV or playing devices.  Think about what they are reading and how many hours they are reading it.  It’s an escape mechanism that is taking them out of relationships, reality, and service.  Think about the time they spend in it and think about intentional parenting.  So often we have to look at the fact that the activity is not ‘bad’, but is it good.
 
Class member:  We had decided to start reading the D&C this year.  Our little ones are having a hard time.  I was listening to Elder Natresses talk.  Should we be reading the D&C or the Book of Mormon. 
 
D&C is a story.  It’s not written in a time line. 
 
Class member (continued):  All week we have been talking about the 116 pages that have been lost. 
 
Take that story and go back to the Book of Mormon where it is prophesied. 
 
Class member:  We had a good week.  Yesterday morning my oldest daughter was being a stink about eating breakfast.  She is 5 ½.  I have an “eat it or starve” policy.  She came down with this little note that said I’m sorry.  I know that wasn’t good.  I promise to repent.  We have been talking about what repentance really means.  Then later than night for FHE we went to PoJo’s.  She didn’t want to leave.  She had a tantrum.  It was the most horrific parenting dilemma.  I tried really hard to follow up with positive reinforcement.  I tried to magnify the things I am good at, but it was a challenge.  In that crisis I felt like I kept my cool, but when she was making the other kids scared I lost my cool. 
 
When we get to discipline in that experience you aren’t going to change the child that is throwing the temper tantrum.  She’s not in a good place to learn.  You can’t change that behavior until they get some of it out.  It’s a process of learning.  You will learn to remain calm enough that you will keep the kids calm and secure.  You will affect those kids more. 
 
Class member:  We talked a lot about intentional parenting.  We evaluated our day.  I am stressed out because we have so many things.  We have been putting them in karate and they were in 2 classes per week….6 classes per week.  We pulled them out.  Now we have time for homework and to do things at home.
 
You might think about having a ‘family’ class that is sometime during the week.  You will have time to be together as a family.
 
Class member:  I have an 8 yr old in ballet.  Last week we had to make up a couple of classes so there was too much that week.  We didn’t get the laundry done, but we had an hour to do it.  It didn’t completely get dry.  As she gets in ballet I’m watching her and she snaps out of it.  She had a great time.  It was one of those things were it was an entitlement generation.  She still went and it was good. 
 
When your kids have committed they need to follow through with it.  Some of your kids get part way through and when they started with the team they need to stay with the team.  As you teach them along the way.  It’s good.
 
Class member:  I was lamenting about my kid who is disagreeable.  This morning I got a note from my son’s teacher that he is getting an award for being ‘most cooperative’. 
 
At home kids are different than they were out there.  Believe that your kids are fabulous in their class when someone tells it to you.  They probably are. 
 
Class member:  I read this scripture in the D&C.  It was in President Eyring’s talk.  I like that it’s Christ’s voice talking.  “Ye have not as yet understood the great blessings…ye cannot bear all things now….the riches of eternity are yours.” I could just see Him saying…”I have all of this for you.  I know that you can’t handle all of it right now, but I will lead you along.” 
 
I’m still leading you along through the hard things. 
 
Class member (continued):  Elder Bednar…when the father said, “help though my unbelieve” Perhaps he needed to have the power to believe that Christ could heal his son individually.  He said…I know you can do it, but can you really do it for my son.
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Personality Color Code

1/31/2017

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If the Savior could give you one thing…a pill you could take…something that would help you get through this journey in life…one thing that no one could take away from you until you die.  What would it be?
 
Class member: Compassion for others and how I could help them.
Class member:  Wisdom
Class member:  Ability to see people like the Savior does—charity
Class member:  Knowledge if I always knew how to respond to this.
Class member:  If I could constantly feel the Holy Ghost
 
Solomon had wisdom and he still blew it.  Knowledge doesn’t always transfer into conversion.  I’m not belittling any answer.
 
If in that pill I could give you a constant intentional knowledge that you were a child of God and that you were divine.  Would it affect your choices?  Your courage?  What you wanted to study? I think it would be one of the most powerful things that would affect our thoughts and behavior in everything we do.  We believe it for them.
 
I believe I am a child of God, but I have to become worthy.  I have to get over my weaknesses.  Instead of saying I am divine and can overcome weaknesses.  If we doubt ourselves do we really believe we are divine?  Are we living divine?  If we feel like those weaknesses control us do we really feel our divinity?
 
Class member:  I was listening to Hank Smith “Who art thou? For behold I am a Son of God”.  This is a Satan killing scripture.  It’s been powerful in our family.  It’s simple.  I don’t change it. 
 
What is Satan’s line?  Satan said, “Son of man”.  He says “I am not!”  Are we a son of man or of God.
 
Class member:  This has been a hard year for me because my husband is a bishop.  He said I wish you could understand how hard Satan is working.  It’s not just kids that struggle with it.  It’s because we struggle with it.
 
Today and next week dovetail each other.  My goal is to tie those two together. 
 
On your paper right now write down 3 Spiritual Gifts that you have…..
 
If I say write your parenting weaknesses you could write them very quickly.  We spend more time focusing on our weaknesses instead of trying to focus on magnifying a strength.  Most of your New Year’s goals were to fix weaknesses instead of magnifying strengths.  That transfers from us into our parenting and our children sing the song “I am a Child of God” and how we treat our children that it makes them feel like they are not divine…that they can BECOME, but they aren’t now. 
 
 
1.  Core Personality—I think we each came with our own personality from heaven.  We know the prophets, Joseph Smith, Emma, Mary were all foreordained.  How could that happen unless they were something up there.  Heavenly Father didn’t say, “This blob will be Abraham, and this will be Joseph Smith.”  You know that everyone fought valiantly on the side of the Lord.  You were feisty.  You were fighters.  I’ll bet you said some harsh things to those other guys.  You were the noble and the great.  Some of you are thinking…I know they are, but not me.  You are the noble and great.  Then we forgot we were fabulous.  We spend the rest of our life trying to figure out we are fabulous.  We know there were leaders that had personalities of leadership.  Some of us were on the team, but we weren’t the boss.  A good leader has to have some followers.  We all chose the right part.  We didn’t all have the same personality.  We were all individual. 
 
With 3 or more children I guarantee you know they aren’t the same.  I guarantee that one of them is an interesting experience to raise.  One is probably easy to raise, which makes the hard one harder. 
 
2.  Gender—We know that you were a woman or a man before you came to earth.  That was determined…a long time ago.  We were male or female before we came.  Being male and female means that from the pre-existence you were endowed with different attributes.  You came to earth thinking different from each other.  You came to earth with different responsibilities in life.  You came equipped (you brought it with you) to be a noble son/daughter.  Our responsibility is to open and use that package here.  If you are married to a man they are going to think different than you.  When we get to marriage we are going to talk about these differences.  You aren’t supposed to think the same.  You come to a unity of ideas, but you aren’t the same. 
 
You have little girls cradling babies.  You have boys that came knowing how to make gun and car sounds.  You have girls that know how to show love by cuddling up and boys that only know how to show love by smacking you on the arm.
 
3.  Environment—I think personality can be influence a lot by environment…social, athletic, educational, birth order.  As I get my children together…I had girls then 5 boys and then a girl.  The last girl didn’t have the experiences as the other girls. 
 
Those things are all factors.  Not any one of them determines who you are alone.  This is critical: all of these can be modified/changed/improved through the Atonement!!  Through the power of Atonement we can overcome any weakness in any area.  The goal is to take any weakness we have and overcome them through the Atonement….to become perfect…being whole.  I don’t want anyone to get discouraged.
 
Parenting, marriage, cub scout, YW leader…the key is to understand people.  We often think…if you think like I do we will get along.  You really just want someone to agree with you and want them to be submissive to you.  That is Satan’s plan. 
 
The idea is to figure out what is inside you and your children and your husband when they don’t know what’s in them themselves. 
 
You are going to look at yourself and see your flaws.  You are going to pigeon-hole people.  You use this to know what tools you need to approach these children.
 
You have core strengths and weaknesses.  One color is a natural listener.  As you talk to that person they know how to ask questions.  They will pull stuff out of you.  Another one has no patience for listening.  I care that your miserable.  I don’t want to hear the 3 month saga to get you there.  I want to go to the bottom line.  If you are a do-er you have to learn how to listen.  If you are the natural listener you need to learn how to be more of a do-er. 
 
COLOR CODE TEST by Taylor Hartman You can take the test online @  http://www.colorcode.com/free_personality_test/
 
Homework:  Try to put people in a “color category”
 
A=Red
B=Blue
C=White
D=Yellow
 
This is typical among most LDS groups…highest-Blue, lowest-Yellow
 
There is no bad color.  Every color has strengths and every color has weaknesses.  The goal is that you have become more of a rainbow.  You want to pick up the strengths of the other colors and magnify your own. 
 
The strengths of the blue come to me naturally.  Because they come to me naturally I can’t understand why other people don’t have them.  Blues care about other people.  Reds want to get things done regardless of feelings.  I can’t be angry at a red for having that outlook.  If you had a red child you teach them to become more patient with people.  If you have a white child you teach them to step up and take leadership.  Yellows are fun…they are loud and obnoxious.  You have to learn from the other colors. 
 
Red: opinionated, power oriented, dominate, decisive, arrogant, assertive, bossy, responsible, strong willed, good dynamic leaders that get things done, product oriented, they walk over people but get the job done, logical, always right, merciless
 
Weaknesses:  dominate personality, they walk over others, they don’t listen to other opinions.  Donald Trump is a good example of that personality.  They make a lot of money.  They get things done.  In a personal relationship they don’t understand feelings.  They can be insensitive.  They don’t like to admit they need people.  They don’t know how to be affectionate.  If you need that intimacy you have to help them learn to see if and give it. 
 
Core need: Power…they need to feel  like they are in control.  That’s their feeling of worth.
 
If you have a red child and are a red parent there is a lot of conflict.  The red parent has to learn to parent the red child.
 
Create situations that they can be in charge.  You pick the 4 jobs that you will be in charge of.  Don’t stop parenting. A red needs to understand emotional needs.
 
Blue:  idealistic, moody, depressed, respectful of other people, naturally have good manners, unforgiving, judgemental, deliberate, boring, don’t take riskes
Core need:  They need intimacy.
 
We are the moral guardians of the world.  Right is right and you do what’s right.  We are critical of ourselves.  We are guilt prone because we don’t keep all the commandments correctly.  Lecturers!  We talk way too much.  We are boring.  We like security.  Blues need to learn how to be fun.  I need yellows to teach me how to be fun.  I need Whites to teach me how to listen.  Very moral.  Very high desire to do what’s right.
 
 White: 
Core need: They need peace.
 
A white will slink in and sit in the back row.  They want you to get to the point.  They don’t want to hear the lecture.  They can’t stand being the center.  They are prone to quitting.  They are perfectionists.  They don’t want the attention that comes with a mistake.  White’s need private time and space.  They need to have some, but they also need to learn to be integrated into a group.  There is great leadership in the church from whites.  You will never find them volunteering and wanting to be the leader.  They are dependable, committed and loyal.  White’s don’t tend to be warm fuzzies.  They don’t like the intimacies.  It needs to be respected.  They need to be taught to give and receive intimacy.  White child can be easily broken.  It’s easier to change direction in the child than stop them, break them, and then restart them.  We need to redirect our children. 
 
A red parent will get angry and fly off and the white child can be destroyed.  You need to be kind and patient with a white child.  You have to do it in a softer manner.  You have to be careful of words that you use.  They have to be walked with way more than a red or a blue.  They need to find courage that they can succeed.  They need to have belief in themselves while they are developing it.  When they get it they are fabulous companions and care about and listen to each other. 
 
 
Yellow:
Core need:  They just want to have fun in life.  When a yellow walks in the room they are loud.  They are fun to have. 
 
 
Reds & Yellows watch them as they grow into teens.  They are more drawn to the things of the world.  Yellows need friends.  They need to be popular and the center of attention.  They need to have good friends so they can be the center of attention with good people. 
 
Red & Blue personalities are very strong personalities.  A red says we will do this because it’s the right thing to do because I say it’s the right thing to do.  The blue will do the right thing because it is morally right and will fight to the death for the moral right.  The red will explode and then it’s gone.  They don’t backpack it.  The blue will fight the same fight and my right is morally right.  We will get in this discussion and 6 days later I’m still replaying it in my head.  I can’t let it go.  The red doesn’t even remember it anymore.  Blues have to stop backpacking. 
 
There is something that we all need to learn and we all need to learn from each other.
 
HOMEWORK: LDS.org link to Sunday journaling  This week write each of your children.  Write what color you think they are. Write your spouse and what color you think they are.  Write down what you think their spiritual gifts are.
 
HOMEWORK:  Read the syllabus for insight.
 
Preschool kids….that is hard to do.  A 2 year old will throw temper tantrums…not necessarily red.  Before they are 8 yrs old it’s harder to place them in a category. 
 
President Eyring “O Remember Remember”
“ I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done. More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.
 
HOMEWORK:  Read the talk by President Uchtdorf “Forget me not”.  Say a prayer before you read it.
 
HOMEWORK:  Get on and join the Facebook Group---Carleen Tanner’s Positive Parenting.
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Follow up:  Parenting with Boldness

1/24/2017

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​What did you notice this week?
 
Class member: I noticed my kids were great.
 
Class member:  My 3rd is a 6 yr old son and he is very good, but very quiet.  I think with the mix of my children he gets ignored.  I have tried to do more single dates with my kids.  We went to lunch.  He gets really emotional and starts crying really fast.  He came in and said he was really trying to not be mean to the kids.  He realized that I care about his feelings.  He didn’t get pushed aside. 
 
Class member: I was trying to take more opportunities to bring Jesus & the scriptures into getting along.  They were both in time out.  Jesus said “He who is without sin cast the first stone.” 
 
Class member:  I recognized after class that I was teaching them it was ok to teach them that it was ok for them to make a choice to sin.  I realized that I put them in situations that were not positive.  The Spirit told me I was amazing, but I could be better if I changed this one little thing.
 
Class member:  It was recognizing the times I felt the Spirit.  I felt like what am I doing wrong why do I not feel the Spirit.  I had a sick child and an injured child.  I thought I better pick up my kids from school today and the bus was late that day and they would have missed their music lessons.  That would have really stressed me.  It’s been good to stop and recognize the small things that the Spirit has answered me and been with me.  I had a hard week, but several times I did feel the Spirit guiding me.  I wrote it in my journal so I could remember. 
 
Especially those little things…it’s like Heavenly Father is putting his arms around you and helping you in the little things. 
 
Class member:  I felt like I could see His hand in my life so much more.  We all have our strengths and weaknesses, but we have always tried to recognize the gifts we are given. My daughter had several days that have been really rough.  I prayed if he would prompt me then I would do whatever he asked.  The Spirit said to stop and give her one more kiss on the head and tell her that I love her.  She settled down and went to sleep.  He is aware of us and knows what we need.  He is the perfect parent.  Do I pause and act like Him as a parent to my kids. 
 
Class member:  I have a really oppositional kid.  He cannot be agreeable.  I don’t know how to get him to agree.  We had another disagreement and the Spirit said just give him a hug.  I thought I don’t want to hug this kid.  I said have you given me a 5 minute hug today?  He melted in my arms.  The next day he asked me where is my 5 minute hug.  Everyday since he has asked for that.  That was not my doing.  I am so grateful for the Spirit. 
 
I had a child like that who disagreed to disagree.  I asked her if she disagreed with everything I said.  She told me that she thought if I agreed with you I would lose my own identity and became like you.  Rather than push moments to make them agree, we need to allow them to be independently.  Allow him to be him and not to be you. 
 
To use the Atonement we stop, turn, and act on what the Spirit has told us. 
 
Class member:  I have 3 kids and we moved and I drive them to school everyday.  We have been listening to talks and scriptures in the car on the way.  It sets the tone for the day.  I drop them off and watch them go.  My youngest got half way there and turned back.  She came all the way back and blew me a kiss.  Heavenly Father must feel the same way when we acknowledge our love for him.  If we can feel that way about our Heavenly Father how much more are we going to feel his love back.
 
What did you learn or internalize or commit to last week?
 
Class member:  I learned that I need to read the Ensign (Conference issue) with new eyes.  As we re-read those 2 talks and with intent and we were amazed.  Heavenly Father really does know what we need now.
 
Class member:  I learned that I kind of had a ‘nagging’ I took it as a prompting.  I paid attention to what I hadn’t done.  We bought this shelf for my daughter and it doesn’t have any hangers on the back.  I thought we need to hang that shelf.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a prompting for a spiritual thing or not.  The prompting didn’t have to be about spiritual things. 
 
We want to translate and interpret them before we follow the promptings.  The Spirit prompts us temporally and spiritually  The Spirit will prompt, but he won’t compel or yell. 
 
Class member:  On the way to class last week I said I need to ask Sister Tanner a question, but then I pushed it off.  Last Tuesday was the month mark of my brother losing his son that was 3 weeks old.  I thought I should ask Sister Tanner what people did for her.  Did you have things that people appreciated when you lost your baby? 
 
The things that mattered most were the things were people celebrated her life with me. Where they would come and say I remember her smile.  She was 4 months old.  They would say I remember holding her in church.  That was more lifting to me to celebrate her life then to mourn her passing.  For someone to say ‘what a blessing she was…’ that blesses me.  


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Legs of the Table

1/24/2017

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​Part A:  Write down what you think the biggest mistake you make in parenting.
 
Part B:  What is the thing you do that makes you a fabulous parent?
 
Circle the answer of ‘what you do fabulous’.  With real intent I want you to scribble out Part A and forget about it.  I want you to focus on magnifying Part B.
 
HOMEWORK:  Focus on the thing you do that makes you a fabulous parent.
 
We are living in a generation of disrespect. 
 
Going back to when I was a child there was a respect for adults, authority, our country.  Then we moved to a period of having disrespect for authority and leaders in the 60’s.  Now it has swung further where no one respects anyone.  Even youth treat each other terribly. 
 
Our movies and our programs especially Disney Channel that they gang up against adults who are really dumb and then they gang up against each other.  The role model is just disrespect.  Look at what is going on in the world.  Everyone has a cause against something.  What we are lacking is Parental Authority.  It doesn’t mean Parenting Discipline.  I think a better word is Parenting Influence.  We need to establish a relationship with our children where they will respect us. 
 
Age 8 is the age of accountability.  We have to create a position where we are the parent and not their ‘friend’.  If we are their friend then they disrespect us.  As a parent you have to set standards and consequences.  As they go out in that environment they will have already established a respectful relationship with their parents. 
 
Families have to come together and strengthen the family.  We are fragmenting our families when they try to ‘become’ something (soccer player, dancer, etc).  Pull your kids in and keep them home.  If you are saying no you can’t do soccer and you can’t do this, but you have to provide something.  You can’t just pull them into a vacuum.  We have to pull them in to the family and make the family be something and stand for something.  They need to be part of what that picture is.  That needs to happen from the beginning. 
 
By the time they are 8 they have to already have that strong feeling of ownership in their family.  The family is where it’s happening.  That creates Intentional Parenting. 
 
Referee---You have to react to what they do and correct the misbehavior.  If that is your only interaction you are not creating this cohesive unit.  You have to Intentionally Parent.  You have to make your home your number one priority.  We do get involved in busy-ness of life.  We have to be careful that the busy-ness of life doesn’t distract us from the core of parenting. 
 
Ponder Pad…How often do I “Intentionally” think about how I parent?  How often do I think about and create a plan about how to do something instead of just reacting to everyday? 
 
Realize that parenting has to be intentional.  Heavenly Father created the Plan of Salvation before he ever created the earth.  He knew what he wanted.
 
We say…I want my children to be strong, have faith, before they leave home.  That’s great, but what are you doing to make that plan happen.  Our plan becomes ‘buy peace at home’.  We give into a lot of things that may not be to the best interest of our home.
 
Class member: I was talking to my husband about a fun hobby.  He said you need to figure out ‘why’ you want to do that. Then you can break it down into smaller subcategories.  In Primary we learn that “I am a child of God”. 
 
Class member:  We adopted 3 kids a little over 3 years ago.  I have 2 biological as well.  It was very clear in the beginning that they didn’t have a sense of stability.  My husband and I came up with a mission statement that we say after family prayer.  This has carried on.  Whenever there are people over it includes them.  It gives them a sense of belonging.  As they are going through and having memories of the past and having hard things come up.  We talk about being a “Dixon”.  We talk about into the future and how they are still part of it. 
 
There has to be not a buddy.  You have to be the parent.  Being the parent gives them security.  We are not helicopter mom’s or lawn mower mom’s.  We have to teach them how to take care of themselves.  You have to teach them that process of knowing how to do that.  As they learn that they become less reliant on peers and the world because they know that within themselves they can do it. 
 
We need to teach them how to feel part of this unity and structure and then learn that they have the power to handle their own problems and beliefs.  You have taught them how.  They don’t have to buy all the messages in the world.  This world is going to QUICKLY go downhill.  We are close to the Second Coming.  I think things are going to change pretty rapidly.  We need to fortify our children.  You feel it in the church when they are ‘hastening’ the work.  We have to prepare our kids to do that.  Our children have to be strong enough to withstand what is out there. 
“Raising Resilient Children” by Lyle Burrup
“One thing that hinders the development of resilience is a misunderstanding of the commandment to be perfect (see Matthew 5:48). This misunderstanding is the most common factor I’ve seen undermining resilience in new missionaries. They want to be perfect in everything because they love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and do not want to disappoint Them. But they do not understand that the Lord works through weak, simple servants (see D&C 1:19–23) and that striving to be perfect does not mean we never make mistakes but rather that we become fully developed or complete through the Atonement of Christ as we strive to follow Him (see Matthew 5:48, footnote b).
 
This misunderstanding may also stem from what society teaches our youth: that their worth depends on talent and performance. In schools and communities, sometimes even at church or at home, youth see their peers get acceptance, admiration, approval, and praise for being talented at something. So they try to measure up. As they do so, they start to fear failure and mistakes. They choose what to do based on how successful they think they will be. They procrastinate when they do not feel confident. They worry about what others will think if they make mistakes. They fear loss of approval. They view their performance as the measure of their worth. Their perfectionism becomes a mean taskmaster, and it wears down their resilience.
 
For instance, because missionaries at the MTC cannot choose what they are going to do or not do as part of their training, they make mistakes as they learn how to speak a new language, teach gospel concepts, and perform other missionary tasks. They make these mistakes in front of strangers, and if they haven’t gained a sense of resilience, they feel distressed and overwhelmed.”
​
​We think we are no good because we aren’t perfect.  They think if they can do it they are good and if they can’t they are NOT good. 
 
I am talking about the training and teaching we do in our home….both spiritual and temporal. 
 
Most of us teach knowledge in our home.  We are teaching them concepts all the time…knowledge.  You teach them about the Joseph Smith story.  They answer all the questions in Primary.  We teach facts.  We think if they can give the facts back to us then they ‘know’ it. 
 
How many believe that flossing is good for your teeth?  97% said yes.  How many of you floss occasionally?  60%.  How many of you floss regularly? 32%  You go from a high number of those who believe it’s right, but they don’t act on the principle. 
 
What happens between knowledge and conversion?  That is what we have to focus on.  You are doing pretty good on the knowledge part, but the conversion isn’t good enough. 
 
Even if they flossed every night and did everything right they will still have cavities (trials). 
 
This is how you take learning and make it conversion. 
 
  1. Knowledge---this gives your children a sense of ‘pride’ (in the sense of the world) where conversion gives them self esteem.  They feel their own self value because of what they do.  They feel self confident. 
 
  1. Understanding---Why did Joseph Smith feel confused?  Why did he go to the grove to pray?  Why did he go and do?  He believed that would really happen and that it was true.  He had faith and hope that it was true so he went.  You help them understand what is going on
 
  1.  Internalize---Take it from he, there, then to me, here, now.  If Joseph Smith is having those problems I can pray now to get an answer because he did it. I can do it because he did it.
 
  1. Action---It’s in the doing that we become converted. 
 
  1. Record---They need to record it so they can remember it.
 
Elder Bednar uses questions when he is teaching.  You ask questions so you get whoever to learn.  When someone ‘acts’ (raising their hand to answer) it invites the Spirit to begin to teach us and change us.  We then can become converted to that principle.  
 
How do I do this? 
 
Class member:  I just had this experience.  After church every Sunday we talk about what their lessons were about.  My 8 yr old was learning about Joseph Smith.  As a family we are reading “Our Heritage”.  My brother used to totally active and served a mission and went inactive 3 years ago because of Joseph Smith.  I told him that he has to decide if it really did happen.  We can tell you all day long this is true, but you have to decide for yourself because it will change your life if you decide.  I felt they have to have their own testimonies.  My parents taught us all the same way, but 2 of my siblings are not active.
 
There are 2 things missing.  We look at these experiences and say, “If I teach this once then that is it forever.”  These kinds of experiences have to happen over and over and over.  You have helped him internalize, but he hasn’t acted on it.  That is where we have opted out on parenting.  You need to help them with real intent to make good choices.  Wait for an opportunity where he is struggling with something.  That is when you take this story and bring it back to him.  “What did Joseph Smith do when he didn’t know what to do?  Can I pray with you?  Do you think that would help?”  You set and example and you give them an application. 
 
How many times have you been told read your scriptures and pray every morning?  Do you do it every day? 
 
Don’t get impatient.  We need to not be impatient with our kids. 
 
Understanding Church History by Study and by Faith  February 2017 Ensign
 
Hang on to those things that are true and don’t doubt the things you don’t understand. 
 
What are the prophets telling us to do over and over and over?  Everything talks about the Sabbath Day and the Sacrament.  We have to fortify ourselves there.  They are preparing us and telling us how to do it.
 
Class member:  We just recently moved and a Seventy in our ward talked briefly.  As we move into the new year they just had an area meeting.  They are still worried and concerned that we are going to lose focus on keeping the Sabbath Day sacred. 
 
We are not putting the Savior first.  Put aside your own things and do the Lord’s things.  It’s the ability to focus on and make the Savior a priority.  Come out of the world for one day.  As time gets further down this is where we find our strength and peace.  Satan carefully leads us down to hell. 
 
Class member:  This is where ‘Satan lulls you away’. 
 
You aren’t ‘building the fort’ (fortifying).  You have a sand castle when the winds come. 
 
What you watch on TV or Netflix or music…media…desensitizes us to spirituality faster and with less consciousness than what is around us all the time.
 
Class member:  We just had a FHE about the distractions.  It’s not about that we are doing anything bad, but it’s a distraction from doing what is good.  It’s so consuming. 
 
I look at my life…why am I not indexing for an hour a week?  I don’t have children at home.  Look at “Good, Better, Best”.  I’m doing good stuff, but am I doing ‘best’ stuff.  Everyone needs to look at themselves and think about doing what is ‘best’. 
 
All things are temporal AND spiritual. 
 
This list is not your ‘to do’ list. It’s to help you start thinking.  You are responsible to teach them in all areas so they have self confidence when they leave you.  They need to learn they can make mistakes and do them over and fix it.  They need to do it over and over until they become good at it. 
 
These are maybe things you haven’t thought about….This is to prepare them for life.  This is not gender specific.
 
  • Car care---oil, tires, window washer fluid
  • Budget---use, save, tax returns, savings, tithing, fast offerings
  • Mission savings
  • Make their own appointments
  • Use the telephone to talk
  • Teach FHE and other teaching assignments
  • Meal planning---plan, shop, cook, clean up
  • Yard work---lawn, gardens, weeds
  • Cell phone use and manners
  • Tax returns
  • How to clean---toilet, sheets
  • Keep their own calendar
  • Clean out the trap under the sink.
  • Unclog a toilet
  • Political ideas
  • Memorize their social security number
  • Know etiquette
  • Buy gifts for siblings and parents---earn the money, go to the store, buy the gift, wrap it, and give it.
  • Develop relationships with extended family members
  • Use electronics and put proper protections on them and hook them up
  • Work past comfort!
  • Be able to problem solve.  Don’t give them the answers.
  • See the needs in others and do something about it.
  • Have a simple plan for their future and know the steps to get there
  • Understand what a resume and interviewing is
  • Know the basics to health, food, hygiene, and basic sewing.
  • Have a hobby—They need to know that learning should continue.  They should continue to seek learning.  Hobbies take them in that direction.  They are different than someone else because they can do this.
 
Your children need to learn a lot of things. 
 
In the Book of Mormon, Mormon was helping to prepare the Nephites for the Lamanites attack when there was no war.  He build a ditch, put spikes around the city, stacked up dirt, built towers, fortifies Nephites with armour.  He did all of this in times of peace so when the Lamanites came the Nephites had the advantage.  
 
When we read the war chapters we wonder why it’s there.  We TODAY are going to war against Satan.  You will be targeted.  Satan wants you because you have made targets.  If you don’t have ears to hear or eyes to see then you hear the topic and you turn it off.  If you have heard it and you hear it again you better pay attention to it. 
 
My Mom wrote me a letter when I was in the early stages of parenting.  She said sometimes I feel like we hear the same things over and over and we aren’t told anything new because we aren’t listening to and doing what he asks us to do. 
 
HOMEWORK:  As we talk about these 5 things evaluate where you are in them. 
 
These are the latter day fortifications.  These are things we do to build a fortress in our homes.  They can be in the fortress until they go out on their own.
 
Family Prayer
Must be meaningful and with intent.  The attitude is probably just as important as what we actually say in the prayer.  
​President James E. Faust said, “Praying together as a family is a bonding experience. Younger children can learn how to pray as they hear the prayers of their parents and older siblings. … Individual prayer and family prayer are indispensable to personal and family happiness.”
​Before prayer we need to discuss things that are happening.  
​Feb 2001 “No Substitute For Family Prayer”
President Ezra Taft Benson taught: “Just a few words added to the blessing on the food, as is becoming the custom in some parts, is not enough. We need to get onto our knees in prayer and gratitude.”
If you want to have family prayer you will get on your knees and ask him how to make it happen.  It doesn’t matter what you do, but that you do it.  Whenever you have that desire and it’s a quest, Heavenly Father will help us find the way.  
 
Blessings Promised by President Hinckley….The Blessings of Family Prayer Ensign Feb 1991
  • Check the dread disease that is eroding the character of our society 
  • Developed within the family a new appreciation, a new respect, a new affection one for another
  • A love for others above self
  • A respect for others
  • A desire to serve the needs of others
  • Build within the hearts of our children a much-needed respect for authority
  • Nothing that will so much help to ease family tensions
  • bring about the respect for parents which leads to obedience
  • erase the blight of broken homes
  • Restore integrity, mutual respect, and a spirit of thankfulness
Family Scriptures
Don’t evaluate your success on the amount you cover and how much you think your children are hearing.  Don’t get in such a box that you think it only has to be one way.  The commandment is to have ‘scripture study’ each day.  “Little children need to learn the language of the scriptures” Say the words and have your children. 
“This Day” Henry B Eyring April 2007
“A morning prayer and an early search in the scriptures to know what we should do for the Lord can set the course of a day. We can know which task, of all those we might choose, matters most to God and therefore to us. I have learned such a prayer is always answered if we ask and ponder with childlike submission, ready to act without delay to perform even the most humble service.”
​Blessings:
President Ezra T Benson “Cleansing The Inner Vessel” April 1986
“I counsel you, my beloved brothers and sisters and friends everywhere, to make reading in the Book of Mormon a few minutes each day a lifelong practice. “I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to that counsel. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.” (Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1960, pp. 110–13.)”
  • Spirit of reverence will increase
  • Mutual respect & consideration for each other will grow
  • Spirit of contention will depart
  • Parents will counsel in love and wisdom
  • Children will be more responsive and submissive to counsel
  • Righteousness will increase
  • Faith hope and charity will abound
  • Peace joy and happiness in your home.
 
Family Home Evening
President Hinckley “FHE won’t always be a spiritual high…it is the growth over time that reaps the blessings”
 
Promises:  It will take away stress, give direction to our lives, adds protection to our home (increase capacity to not listen to inappropriate music or watch inappropriate videos), love will increase, obedience will increase, youth will gain power to combat the evil influences that will beset them.  
C Scott Grow---BYU Devotional
Somehow, a tradition has developed in the Church. In fact, you may have heard members say, "We hold our family home evenings on Sunday, and on Monday nights we have activities." Note that the First Presidency letter says that Monday Night is the time for family home evenings. Also note that Monday night is not for activities, but as they counsel, "to teach the gospel in their homes."
 
I hope that you can have vision to see what the prophets are seeing as they give us this counsel. Satan is targeting our homes and families. The day has passed when we can be casual in holding family home evening, daily family scripture study, or family prayer and still have real hope to hold our children close to the family and close to the Church.
​
Use the different levels of learning….Knowledge, Understanding, Internalize, and Act.  It’s easier to be internalized over a period of time.  Create opportunities to have these experiences.  Keep a FHE journal of what you did.  It will remind them of how much good they have done over the year.
 
Temple Attendance
 
The commandment is ‘regular temple attendance’.  What is ‘regular’ and what is ‘often’?  You pray about those words.  This is where we go to meet God.  You need to go and prepare yourself mentally.  This is where you can be spiritually and emotionally fed.  The temple is truly holy grounds.  Listen to the words of those covenants.  Come to understand the power of the blessings you have already been given.  This is where you can come out of the world and be fortified to stand in the world.  The temple and the sacrament should be the most sacred growing and reaching out places. 
 
Blessings:
(Vaughn J. Featherstone)
1-If a man, you will become mighty;  if a woman, powerful  (D&C 109:22   And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;)
 
2-It will serve as great "insurance protection" for your marriage (D&C 132:19  And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.)
 
                                    3-The blessings of the Eternal Gods will be called down upon you.  (D&C 109:12, 14 That thy glory may rest down upon thy people, and upon this thy house, which we now dedicate to thee, that it may be sanctified and consecrated to be holy, and that thy holy presence may be continually in this house;  And do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house may be taught words of wisdom out of the best books, and that they may seek learning even by study, and also by faith, as thou hast said)
 
                                    4-Unseen angels will watch over your loved ones when Satanic forced tempt them (Acts 27:33  And while the day was coming on, Paul besought them all to take meat, saying, This day is the fourteenth day that ye have tarried and continued fasting, having taken nothing.)
 
5-Your families will draw close to the Lord and there will be no empty chairs in the celestial kingdom. (Hymn#301 I Am A Child of God)
 
6-Your children will go on missions (D&C 109:58  That from among all these, thy servants, the sons of Jacob, may gather out the righteous to build a holy city to thy name, as thou hast commanded them.)
 
7-Your children will marry in the temple. (Conference Talks)
 
8-The veil will be thin, you will have great spiritual growth and many spiritual experiences will distill upon you.  (D&C 138)

9-You will be prepared for exaltation--with a celestial mind, celestial body and a celestial personality (3 Nephi 12:3, 20  Yea, blessed are the poor in spirit who come unto me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore come unto me and be ye saved; for verily I say unto you, that except ye shall keep my commandments, which I have commanded you at this time, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.)
 
10-You will see clearly how to make critical decisions that weigh heavily on your mind (D&C 109:42  But deliver thou, O Jehovah, we beseech thee, thy servants from their hands, and cleanse them from their blood.)
 
11-You will become Christlike.  (D&C 109:22-25  And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them; 
“Temples & The Work Therein” David B Haight October 1990
“John A. Widtsoe wrote: “I believe that the busy person on the farm, in the shop, in the office, or in the household, who has his worries and troubles, can solve his problems better and more quickly in the house of the Lord than anywhere else. If he will … [do] the temple work for himself and for his dead, he will confer a mighty blessing upon those who have gone before, and … a blessing will come to him, for at the most unexpected moments, in or out of the temple will come to him, as a revelation, the solution of the problems that vex his life. That is the gift that comes to those who enter the temple properly.” (“Temple Worship,” The Utah Genealogical and Historical Magazine, Apr. 1921, pp. 63–64.)”
​
Sabbath Day Attendance
 
“Gratitude on the Sabbath Day”  Henry B Eyring  October 2016
 
  • Invitation… “You might well be wondering what you could do to live and worship on this Sabbath day to demonstrate your gratitude and to strengthen yourself and others for trials that lie ahead.”
 
  • Action… “You could begin today with a private and family prayer of thanks for all God has done for you. You could pray to know what the Lord would have you do to serve Him and others. Particularly, you could pray to have the Holy Ghost tell you of someone who is lonely or in need to whom the Lord would have you go.”
 
  • Promises…  “I can promise you your prayers will be answered, and as you act on the answers you will receive, you will find joy in the Sabbath, and your heart will overflow with thankfulness.”
 
 
HOMEWORK:  Read “Gratitude on the Sabbath Day” Henry B Eyring October 2016 and make a list of what to do.
 
Because the prophets have promised it we are headed for rough waters.  Look at the media and nature.  Look at the wickedness in the world.  As a whirlwind passes through it’s going to get worse.  We cannot be complacent.  We have to fortify our family.  Satan is anxiously engaged in destroying them.  His time is short and he knows it.  The Lord has told us how to do it.  These 5 things are the beginning of fortifying our home.  They all involved consciously parenting.  They have to happen in your home in a Spirit of love and joy not fear and doom.  We need to have Christ centered homes and even if the world falls your home will stand firm and he will be there because you have invited him through your obedience. 
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Parenting With Boldness

1/17/2017

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What do you think is the purpose of Parenting?  Why are families the crowning jewel of the Celestial Kingdom?  What’s the purpose?  Why are we doing this?
 
Class member: They are not my children, they are God’s children.  I need to help them walk the path to return back to God.
 
Class member:  There’s no better medium than to teach than love. 
 
Class member:  Family is something that is consistent.  If you have an overall feeling of love and a family that you can turn to they always have that consistent family love they can go back to.
 
Class member:  The ultimate thing is technically we won’t have our children forever.  The goal is to make it to the Celestial Kingdom and rule with your spouse.
 
As I watch my children grow and raise their families in righteousness it makes me joyful. 
 
Class member:  We are trying to become like our Heavenly Father.  We are his children.  There is no way we can become like him without becoming parents and manage a household. 
 
Class member:  Our kids change and what worked for them when they were younger doesn’t work now.
 
Class member:  The information changes.  You bring in what our prophets are teaching currently.  When we don’t have class, life is hard.  It gives us hope.  I’m more focused on Parenting when I take the class. 
 
Class member:  I took it lots of years ago when you first started.  I probably didn’t use what I learned then.  I feel like I need the Spirit with me to learn. 
 
My main goal is to bring the Spirit each week.  The Spirit is a great teacher.  If I can do what I need to know he can teach you something that you need to know.  We are all just trying to do our best.  We always love our children, but some days we can’t understand them.  Give yourself permission to have a melt down.  Don’t beat yourself up when you have them. 
 
We try to change percentages.  Think about it and make Parenting a mental priority. 
 
I want you to fall in love with being a mother or a father.  I want you to cherish every moment even when they are being horrid.  I hope you can develop the skills so when they are throwing a temper tantrum and just chuckle.  The key to finding that joy is to give you some tools so you can handle it. 
 
Sometimes when you are in the trenches you just don’t listen to the funny things they say.  When they make a mess, take the picture before you get after them.  Intellectually you are all in love with them, but I want you to fall in love with being a parent and understand what a choice gift that is. 
 
I want to help you learn how to read Conference talks with Parenting in mind.  The promise is the Lord will never leave us without telling us how to deal with it. Heavenly Father always forewarns those that are willing to listen.  We are being forewarned and being told exactly how to parent and because the message doesn’t come in a job list we don’t always do it. 
 
Some of the things you hear will not make you happy, but there are promises attached.  We will try to give you tools to help you learn how to live these kinds of things. 
 
Ponder Pad:  If you will pray before you come and actually ask the Lord to bless me and you, you will be taught every week something for your family. The Spirit will tell you things that don’t apply to anything I am talking about.  In class you brain can internalize 5x faster than I can speak.  Write down the impressions you have.  Review your notes and study your ponder and make a goal.  Set a goal every week . You need to be acting and not just listening.  If you will do that for 10 weeks your home will be different and you will be different. 
 
Parent with Boldness
 
Write on your paper 3 things…finish these sentences…..
1. “The purpose of Parenting is….”
2.  “In order to achieve this purpose the 3 things I need to do are…..”
3.  “The thing I am best at as a parent is….”
 
Class member:  Purpose…Growth and love.  I need to look inward, see with Eternal perspective, and love.  I care about and search to improve as a mother.
 
Class member:  Purpose is to help children learn the gospel and return to Heavenly Father.  I need to have the Spirit, patience, and unconditional love.  I am empathetic. 
​
Class member:  Purpose is to lay foundation to enable children to return to Heavenly Father.  I need to be an example, I need to let them make choices to see their consequences.  I need to love them.  If I’m having a rough day I know that I can take a step back and do it again tomorrow. 
 
Class member:  Teach my children what they need to do to grow closer to the Savior.  Be kind to my children.  Be the example and love my husband.  I am best at keeping them safe.  Every night I tell them something that I love about them. 
 
This is the time of New Year’s Resolutions.  Without setting a goal we don’t move forward.  We tend to set our goals too generically.  We set good goals to achieve the goal, most of the things you are doing are good.  You usually only beat yourself up over what you are doing wrong. 
 
Homework:  Before next Tuesday (the sooner the better) take one of the things you have written and break it down to…how, when, where, or what.  Break it down to very specific things.  Then write down the how, where, what, and when and post it where you will see it every day.
 
Example…my goal to lose weight… 10#   walk on treadmill
 
Example….read my scriptures…15 minutes ever day…in the kitchen…Book of Mormon.
 
“Will we keep pace?  Will we as individuals and collectively as a church keep pace with the Lord’s hastening?  Or will we insist on doing things the way they have always been done, or the ways we are accustomed to or comfortable with?  Will we learn and teach the Savior’s way?  Will each of us here today learn, repent, change, and teach more effectively the Savior’s way?  Or will we be so entangled in the traditions and patterns of the past that we will be unable to keep up with the pace of the Lord’s hastening?  If we always do what we have always done, then we will always get what we have always gotten.  May I suggest that what we have always done and always gotten were good in their time—but need to improve as the Lord is quickening the pace.  The Lord’s astneing of His work requires us continuously to learn, to change, and to press forward with faith in the Savior.”  David A Bednar....Hastening the pace
 
Do we need to change something that we are doing so we can teach our children differently?  Your task is more difficult. 
 
Class member: We won’t get what our parents turned out if we do what they do because Satan has increased.
 
If my children parent with the tools I used it won’t work.  The principles are the same, but the tools are different. 
 
What tools does the Lord give us today to teach them? 
 
Class member:  Albert Einstein…insanity is doing the same thing every time, but expecting different results.  I can’t do the same things and expect different results. 
 
Most of you are here because you want to learn something different to do. 
 
In the church today we have some youth that are just amazing.  Then we have youth that are out there who are entitled.  They want to go on a mission because that’s what good LDS kids do.  They don’t know how to think or problem solve.  They have been raised in good home and did everything they were told to do.  The mission president doesn’t give them a list of things to do every day.  You have to make good missionary days.  They have to think outside the list that Mom & Dad gave them to be good.  They don’t know how to handle failure.  At home Mom rescued them when things got hard. 
 
Lawn mower Mom’s…That’s the Mom that goes in front of her children and mows the path to make sure the path is smooth.  Mom makes the appointments.  Mom smooths out the missing assignments. 
 
Anxieties are off the charts in our missionaries.
 
Lyle Burrup “Raising Resilient Children”
“While counseling missionaries at the missionary training center (MTC) in Provo, Utah, I noticed that the most common cause of emotional problems was a lack of resilience. When an intelligent, talented missionary with no history of emotional problems struggled, priesthood leaders and others often wondered why. In many cases, the missionary just hadn’t learned how to deal with challenges well. Parents can help their children avoid such problems by teaching principles that foster greater resilience.”
 

What is resilience? 
 
Class member:  not winning every time, getting up whenever you fall.
 
Your children are being raised in a society where if they play they get a ribbon or a trophy.  We have taught our children that if they are there they win.  We spend so much time making it nice and easy for our children that we aren’t teaching them to have any moral backbone that when they fail they quit.  This is the mental attitude that is out there.  I want you to understand how we create it and do you have a part in it. 
 
In trying to protect and love our children we are buying into what the world is telling us.  It is truth and the ‘philosophies of men’ combined. 
 
I was raised in “Satan’s plan”.  There was a lot of respect for authority.  It was obedience because you respect authority.  There is truth in that, but it goes overboard.  Everyone is entitled to have an opinion, no one tells anyone what to do.  We have created a generation of parents who are afraid of their children and they are afraid to parent.  We were taught that we need to be the friend of our children so we can talk with them. 
 
There is a piece of truth in that, but most of it is the “philosophies of men”.  Even with good intentions we have become afraid of good parenting.  We hear “everyone else in church is doing it.”  We are afraid to say “No.” 
 
I have had people tell me “I won’t tell my children “no” because it will stifle their creativity.” 
 
You want them to want that more than anything! 
 
Either we say “No” and we just talk through and if you don’t do that ‘oh well’.  OR we say “No you can’t do that and you can’t do that”.  Both sides are wrong.  You don’t have to do either/or.  We CAN listen, encourage, talk, but bottom line is parent!  Parenting means there are some no’s.
 
Class member:  My oldest is 5.  One thing my husband has done with our kids is invite them to make choices within boundaries.  You need to take a bath.  You can go happy and choose your snacks or you can take a bath and I can choose your snack.

“The collapse of parenting…how we hurt our kids by treating the like grown ups” (Book)
“Most American parents are completely confused and going utterly in the wrong direction,” Sax said. “There’s a collapse of understanding what parenting involves.”
 
In his book, Sax offers a scenario in which parents and a 6-year-old child, who had a sore throat, came into his office. When he said, “Next I’m going to take a look at your throat,” the mother asked for the child's permission, saying, “Do you mind if the doctor looks in your throat for just a second, honey? Afterward we can go and get some ice cream.”
 
That led to the child refusing to have the doctor look in her throat to do the strep test and the child having to be restrained to get the test accomplished.
 
“It’s not a question,” Sax said. “It’s a sentence: ‘Open up and say, 'Ahh.'' Parents are incapable of speaking to their children in a sentence that ends in a period,” he said. “Every sentence ends in a question mark.”

 
Class member:  I describe myself more on the “no” spectrum.  My husband is more on the ‘let’s give them a chance to rectify it….’  What are your feelings?  Where is the balance between justice and mercy?
 
You can’t make a blanket statement.  You want me to come in here and give you the list.  It depends on the age of the child, ability of the child, the maturity of the child. 
 
I want you to get the doctrine and then you plug it into situations.  We generically err at one end or the other.  The older they get the more we go toward the ‘make your own choices’ spectrum.  When they were growing up and I am responsible for them that’s different.  Parents are to teach and to train them.
 
Class member:  My brother has a teen who is going on a mission.  He advised them that they shouldn’t be dating.  He’s madly in love.  My nephew is obedient and quit dating.  Fast forward….now he is struggling with beings social.  Everything the parents are doing are for their best interest.  The things we learned and stumbled through in life make us who we are. Bishop said he needs to make his own choices.
 
You will have leaders that will say things to your children that you don’t agree with.  Go back to the church leaders & For Strength of Youth.
 
Listen to your heart.  The Spirit will tell you what you need to hear to parent. 
 
Homework: Read Rise up in Strength Sisters in Zion by Bonnie Oscarson
 
“I worry that we live in such an atmosphere of avoiding offense that we sometimes altogether avoid teaching correct principles. We fail to teach our young women that preparing to be a mother is of utmost importance because we don’t want to offend those who aren’t married or those who can’t have children, or to be seen as stifling future choices. On the other hand, we may also fail to emphasize the importance of education because we don’t want to send the message that it is more important than marriage. We avoid declaring that our Heavenly Father defines marriage as being between a man and woman because we don’t want to offend those who experience same-sex attraction. And we may find it uncomfortable to discuss gender issues or healthy sexuality.
 
Certainly, sisters, we need to use sensitivity, but let us also use our common sense and our understanding of the plan of salvation to be bold and straightforward when it comes to teaching our children and youth the essential gospel principles they must understand to navigate the world in which they live. If we don’t teach our children and youth true doctrine—and teach it clearly—the world will teach them Satan’s lies.”

Rise up in Strength Sisters in Zion by Bonnie Oscarson
 
Some of your children are translating the “we should love everyone” to the feeling that there are no absolutes it’s all about choice.  What it does is eliminate sin.  There is no true right or wrong there is just choices.  That is Satan’s lie!!!
 
Our families now are involved with or have in them someone struggling with something.  We fall in the category of not teaching with boldness. 
 
Class member:  How do you teach them to love without judging? 
 
You have to be consistent in loving the person, but not the sin that the person is living.  As we go forward to the last days Satan’s lies will become more and more in your face.  Our children have to be able to stand up and say this is right and this is wrong.  They need to be at peace with saying I have nothing against this person, but I have problems with what they are doing.  We have to teach them to feel confident in standing for what is right the world will use guilt to teach them. 
 
We are so focused on evaluating our weakness in parenting. Think about what voice do you listen to?  Is it the “I need to do better, I need to do this, etc…”
 
The scriptures say….
He was past feeling…
Past hearing…
He that has ears let him hear…
 
Most often you FEEL a prompting.  I usually say “I will do that.  I’ll put it on my list”.  It nags on you and becomes the negative.  If that is the case…be aware of what you do with feelings.
 
HOMEWORK:  Notice feelings and be aware of what you do with them. Be aware of ‘impressions’ you get that come as feelings. Record it!  Write it down!
 
You have been baptized.  You received the Holy Ghost as a CONSTANT companion.  You take the sacrament on Sunday and you get back to be a CONSTANT companion.  It has nothing to do with that.  It’s always there and you aren’t listening.  It’s telling you what to do.  You have to hear it.  If you focus on your feelings and impressions.  If it’s a good feeling or just your thoughts…Do it!!
 
HOMEWORK:   Read “Lest Thou Forget” Ronald A Rasband

“Never forget, question, or ignore personal, sacred spiritual experiences. The adversary’s design is to distract us from spiritual witnesses, while the Lord’s desire is to enlighten and engage us in His work.
 
“Let me share a personal example of this truth. I distinctly recall a time when I received a prompting in answer to mighty prayer. The answer was clear and powerful. However, I failed to act immediately on the prompting, and after a period of time I began to wonder if what I had felt had been real. Some of you may have fallen for that deception of the adversary as well.
 
Several days later, I awoke with these powerful verses of scripture in my mind:
“Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart. …
 
“Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?”
 
It was as if the Lord was saying, “Now, Ronald, I already told you what you needed to do. Now do it!” How grateful I was for that loving correction and direction! I was immediately comforted by the prompting and was able to move forward, knowing in my heart that my prayer had been answered.”
Ronald A Rasband “Lest Thou Forget”
 
Everyone of you have plead with the Lord for an answer and have received a revelation.  I want you to write down a prompting you have had regarding anything.  These are little things that you have not followed yet, but is still on the ‘to do’ list. 
 
Pray about that which is your biggest stress right now, you pray about it and get an answer then do it quickly.  By next week everyone should have had a very sacred spiritual experience.  Because you have all been given the gift of the Holy Ghost you will hear them.  He is giving them to you every day.  It’s us that put ear plugs in sometimes. 
 
If we will listen we may not like everything that the Holy Ghost says.  I want you to know that the Lord is speaking directly to you every day.  Life is hard and He knows it’s hard.  He will walk with us as you do it.  This week I want you to find Him this week. 
 
When you write down an impression that is a ‘thank you’ to Heavenly Father that is was important enough to you to write it down. 
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Yes...we will be starting class 1/17/17

1/16/2017

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Parenting Class will be starting tomorrow 1/17/17.  See you there!
​
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Goal for the New Year....(Website link)

1/10/2017

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The goal for the new year: to be successful just  remember to change the percentages and that means progression!

"You Can Change: How to Be Your Best You"

Happy New Year
Carleen Tanner


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Class Cancelled today for Snow!!  (Jan 10, 2017)

1/10/2017

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No class today!  Schools are closed all over.  We will try again next week.  
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Parenting Class Starts 1-10-17

1/9/2017

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Positive Parenting by Carleen Tanner (Spring Semester) will be starting on TUESDAY January 10, 2017.  This class ends March 14, 2017.   It will be from 9:30-11:30am at the Nampa Institute building (6115 Birch Lane; Nampa, ID). 
​Cost...FREE!!!

No babysitting available.

Syllabus (Spring Semester)...There will be a syllabus available for $12.  You can order it online in the store or purchase in class.  It is optional, but well worth the money.  Spring and Fall Semesters each have their own syllabus.  Checks are payable to Carleen Tanner.

Which classes are taught this semester?
  1. Taking Time To Teach
  2. 4 Table Legs--Prayer, Scripture reading, Temple Attendance, FHE
  3. Color Code
  4. Self Esteem
  5. Discipline-Why Children Misbehave
  6. Discipline-Tools to Use
  7. Stress & Adversity
  8. Communication
  9. Morality
  10. Marriage--Divine Difference Between Men & Women
 
These are ALWAYS subject to change.  They are not necessarily taught in this order.
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    Carleen Tanner

    Notes from classes and other information will be posted here.  Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared.  You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question.

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    I will be posting my class notes from Thursday Parenting Class within a few days after class.

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