​A couple came in for counseling and they said we want a divorce.  We can’t stand each other.  The girl started out and said she had been raised in Australia on a cattle ranch.  Her Dad passed away.  She was the oldest girl of several girls.  She was early teens.  She became the foreman of the ranch.  She made decisions.  If there was a bad day you do what has to be done, when it has to be done no matter the conditions.  She went to Utah for college.  The boy said he grew up in New York.  He had 5 older sisters.  He was the baby boy.  His mother and the 5 older sisters had doted on him.  He was the prince.  They loved him.  They coddled him.  That’s how he was raised.  He went to college.  They met.  You have these 2 polar opposite backgrounds in college and they get married.  Bishop Anderson said tell me what’s going on now.  She said let me give you an example.  I got up and woke him up and he was still in bed.  I said what is wrong with you.  We have to go to work.  He said, “I don’t feel very good today.”  He has the sniffles and he wants me to get orange juice.  He said I don’t think I can go to work today. 
 
Were either one of them wrong?  No.  It’s just what you were bringing.  She thought he was wrong.  Neither one thinks the other is what they married.  There is nothing wrong with either one.  Their environment creates real differences in them. 
 
Take into account 3 things with your relationship to your spouse, and your relationship to each individual children. 
 
1.  Environment….this also includes your birth order, where you live, school experiences, church and friends. That birth order by nature changes you.  Your children are all having different experiences.  They are NOT all having the same experience.  You have 2 children next to each other one is obedient and runs to do your bidding.  The other is an airhead and drives you crazy.  The truth is NOT what you feel it is what they perceive.  How do they think you love them? 
 
You have to give up your box and try to see through their box before you can influence them.  Part of seeing through their box is to understand them.  You have to stop and individually look at the environment that each of your children have even growing up in your home.  You look in their box at their environment. 
 
Class member:  “Thinking of your child as misbehaving…punishment.  Thinking of them as in distress helps you see it through their eyes.”
 
2.  Gender….boys are different than girls.  Boys come into this world showing love by smacking each other.  Wrestling says I love you.  Hitting each other says I love you. 
 
We put 4’ wide halls in our home that we built.  We did it because I want 2 kids to walk down that hall without touching each other.  They didn’t.  They walked into each other and knocked pictures off the wall.
 
You also have to learn that they don’t know boundaries.  I would take the top body and take their belt and yank it as hard as I could when it wasn’t play for all of them anymore.  You just need to distract them and get them doing something else.  It starts as showing love, but moves to the younger one getting abused. 
 
Girls are hormonal from birth.  They boob, bawl, pout, etc.   You have to teach a boy to be more gentle.  You have to teach a girl to not be so emotional. 
 
Class member:  I got a call from someone in the ward saying my daughter was hitting hers.  She has 5 older brothers.  We were discussing how to teach her to be gentle.
 
3.  Core personalities….Every child comes with their own personality. 
 
My twin granddaughters have distinctive personalities.  One is very dependable and content, knows her letters, and is potty trained.  The other will go to kindergarten in diapers. 
 
It’s time to go to bed.  One runs to get undressed.  The other one just sits there and looks at you.  When they finally move they pick up a toy in the next room…2 hours later you are yapping at them to get dressed.  We say one is obedient and the other is disobedient. 
 
When they get in school they get all their assignments done and the other doesn’t until the very last hour.  They are kings of procrastination.
 
Once you understand core personalities you can pigeon hole anyone for 1 week, because you are getting an idea of what this is all about.  This is a tool not to put someone in a box, but to help you know how to talk to them, understand them, and motivate them. 
 
If you are interested there are tests online for youth, adults.  Color Code Test Online.  The author is Hartman Taylor.
 
This becomes affective about 8 years old.
 
What you think your kids are you will find out they are something else. 
 
Red (A)

• Strong personalities and sometimes get them confused with blue.
• Always right because they are always right (power).
• Won’t back down.

 
 
Blue (B)

• Strong personalities and sometimes get confused with red.
• Always right because it’s morally right.  It’s not that I’m right it’s that the gospel said this is what we do.
• Won’t back down.

 
 
White (C)

• A bit of a scary personality, because they can be broken.  You can break them easily without knowing it. 
• They are more shy and introverted. 
• They like to watch what happens.
• They have a ‘flat-line’ personality.  They never get excited and never get angry.
• They can’t stand contention, but it doesn’t mean they will be obedient.  They will listen to you, but still do what they want to do.
• You have to correct a white with lots of kindness and patience.
• Perfectionists.

 
 
Yellow (D)

• They are delightful and fun.
• They are irresponsible and unorganized.

 
A-Opinionated
B-Nurturing
C-Inventive
D-Outgoing
 
A—Dominant
B—Sympathetic
C—Tolerant
D—Enthusiastic
 
A—Arrogant
B—Worry prone
C—Silently stubborn
D—Flighty
 
A—Action oriented—take control and will do it.  They will walk over anyone that stands in their way.  They care about product.
B—Analytical—what is the right thing to do.
C—Easy going—stay level all the time.
D—Carefree—Don’t worry about it.
 
A—Logical
B—Emotional—If you are blue and a woman you are an emotional basket case
C—Agreeable
D—Popular—seek popularity.  They will give into the crowd.  They want to be accepted.  They need to be the center of attention.  They are very likable.  They have a sense of humor, but they cannot be quiet.  If you have a child that is yellow they don’t get what quiet means.
 
A—Insensitive
B—Judgmental—we expect perfectionism in ourselves.  We have a low tolerance for their flaws.
C—Boring
D—Undisciplined
 
A—Merciless—insensitive to others feelings.  If I need to walk over you to accomplish what I need to do I will walk over you.  They don’t reach out to see what others feel.  If you are a red woman that may not be as prominent characteristic because a woman tends to be more nurturing.
B—Thoughtful
C—Uninvolved
D—A show off—slightly obnoxious as children.  As adults they can be trained out of it.
 
A—Direct
B—Creative
C—Adaptable—don’t want to cause waves
D—Performer
 
A—As an adult opinionated, determined, and bossy
B—As an adult responsible, honest, and unforgiving.  I backpack my flaws and yours. 
C—As an adult accepting, contented, and unmotivated.  They are happy to just stay still.  It takes too much energy or thought to change situations.
D—As an adult charismatic, positive, and obnoxious. 
 
A—As a parent demanding, quick tempered, and uncompromising.  Your children will do it your way and do it now.
B—As a parent concerned, sensitive, and critical.  We are fabulous referees.  We can blow the whistle and throw the flag in a minute.
C—As a parent permissive, easily overwhelmed, and easily persuaded.  You don’t stand to the rules.  You give in.  You give them what they want to buy peace.
D—As a parent playful, casual, and unorganized.  Let’s just react and party with the day.
 
According to Taylor Hartman you usually are one major color.  You have a core color, but when you get angry I tend to swing white I will give in.  The blue will backpack that forever.  I won’t argue and fight, but I will remember it.  Blues get even.  How I get you is the silent treatment.  You get really snotty. 
 
Blues seek an emotional revenge.  We aren’t out to hurt them, but we really are.  “Well find if you don’t like what we are having for dinner make your own.”  Blues tend to be pin prickers…agree and then throw the dart.
 
A—If you get angry and plan to get even quickly.  A red will argue to prove they are right.
B—If you are blue you feel deeply hurt and find it almost impossible to forgive, and generally seek a way to get even (emotional revenge). 
C—If you are white you are silently hurt and completely avoid the person.  They won’t say anything in the conflict just withdraw from the relationship.
D—If you are yellow they will avoid conflict.  They won’t argue because it’s not worth it and they will find someone else.
 
Look in the syllabus…. “Color Code”
 
Each color has definite strengths.  Each color has distinctive weaknesses.  You need to learn what those are. 
 
Red—strength:  leader, see things through, organize them and see them through.
Red—weakness:  don’t see other people’s feelings. 
Red child—If you power struggle with a red you intensify it.  If you are willing to argue with a red child when they are a teen they will win all the time and you will be exhausted.  Give a red responsibility…to magnify their strength, then teach them how to be sensitive to others feelings. 
 
How do you do teach that?  It’s like teaching them a foreign language because if someone makes them mad they take care of it.  They usually cut that person off because they aren’t obedient to them.  Teach them service. 
 
Class member:  It’s been important to see what they are and then you can learn.  It has been liberating to know who I am and why I’m the way I am. 
 
I found out that I was a blue and found out I was critical and it broke my heart, but it was liberating.  I will probably work on that all my life.  It doesn’t mean I’m bad or good.  I have now learned to incorporated the attribute to look for the good and be happy…a yellow characteristic. 
 
Learning the color code is to understand who you are and what you bring to the table.  What do you need to work on to be a better parent?  The second thing is to help your children understand their strengths and to magnify them.  Teach them the strengths of the other colors. 
 
Your white needs to learn to be a leader.  In the church you will find white personalities that are fabulous leaders.  You use this to help them develop into the rainbow.  Some things come naturally and some things you have to learn.
 
Class member:  We did this for FHE one year and I’m a white.  I kind of knew what my kids were (15 son and 12 daughter).  I wanted to see if they could figure out what they were.  I wanted it to be an ‘ah-ha’ moment for them.  It was like both children had this light bulb go off in their heads.  My kids fought all the time.  At the end we talked about each personality.  They kind of realized why they did things.  My kids have amazingly gotten along so much better because they understand each other so much better.  My husband is blue.  I’m white.  My son is red.  My daughter is yellow.  The dynamic in our family changed dramatically.  This is a great tool. 
 
Homework assignment….Study the syllabus under the “Color Code”.  Figure out who you are and who your children are and who you think your spouse is.  The best thing to do is to take the test. 
 
If you have the courage to take the test for each other you cannot be mad or backpack it. 
 
You have to learn the strengths of the other colors.  Because they come naturally to you and you don’t have to learn them we think that is how everyone is.  You have to work to teach the strengths of the other colors. 
 
If you choose to do this with your spouse other people see you differently than you see yourself. 
 
“You see yourself according to your intentions.  You see others according to their behavior.”
 
If I am late picking up a child and I have X,Y,Z reasons…they were all good then I still feel I am a good person because my intention was to be on time.  I got waylaid by good stuff, but I’m still good.  If you are waiting at the church and are waiting for him to pick you up.  He is late 30 minutes.  He started out with good intentions, but he didn’t get there on time and you judge him on his behavior. 
 
Lion would be red/blue.
Antelope would be white/yellow.
 
The goal for yourself and your children is to teach them to become a rainbow.  You want them to have everything.  The Savior had the best of all of it.  That is our goal.  Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort.  Do the other.  That’s how we grow and build relationships.  This is a fabulous tool in learning how to work with people.  You will discover their heart and they open the door you can touch it and lead them to the Savior.

​I was 10 when she (Sister Tanner) started changing her parenting styles.  She yelled, spanked, and grounded.  My sister just older than me is a red personality.  We were polar opposites.  She was the reason my Mom started changing her tactics on parenting. 
 
One of the things I think I really learned is that she took extreme flack for how she raised us.  She took a lot of flack even from her Mom.  She didn’t care.  She felt that strongly about that.  You take a lot of criticism about what you do. I am extremely grateful for that lesson I learned. 
 
I have 6 kids.  3 on missions, 17 yr son, 15 yr daughter, 12 yr daughter.  It’s easy to feel like my job is done sometimes.  It’s interesting.  Who is the one who knows all the answers when you sit in church?  The young Mom’s with babies.  Everything I thought I knew I don’t know anymore.  It’s a whole new ballgame than when they are little.
 
If you think my Mom was raised social activities for them were going to a concert or a game.  There was no TV.  That was your entertainment.  When I was growing up, TV and videos had started.  If there was a romantic scene you saw a man and a woman kiss, then the outside of the house, then the light go out.  You see more than that in the commercials now. 
 
The doctrine is the same!  The doctrine is the same since Bible times.  It hasn’t changed. 
 
Dallin H Oaks  April 2005 “Pornography”
Jacob began his sermon by telling the men that “as yet, [they had] been obedient unto the word of the Lord” (Jacob 2:4). However, he then told them he knew their thoughts, that they were “beginning to labor in sin, which sin appeareth very abominable … unto God” (Jacob 2:5). “I must testify unto you concerning the wickedness of your hearts” (Jacob 2:6), he added. Jacob was speaking as Jesus spoke when He said, “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart”
 
My brother is a bishop. 90% of his youth are addicted to pornography.  He has been a bishop for 3-4 years in Provo, Utah.  These youth are ready to send in papers for missions or to go to BYU.  He cannot tell parents about their problem.  All of them have said it was their phones. 
 
Think about how you use your phone. 
 
Morality is a feeling or attitude of reverence towards sacred things.  Our kids have to be taught that attitude and the doctrine behind it.  They can see the “why”.  Morality governs our thoughts and behaviors.  Are we motivated by our emotions and physical senses?  Resistance to temptations come through spiritual strength.  We have to first see the difference in where those 2 come from. 
 
Our kids are introduced to this very early.  The ‘maturation film’ is in 5th grade.  The ‘birds and bees film’ is in 6th grade.  If you haven’t talked to your kids before they see this video who becomes their teacher.  If you wait until the video you are too late.  They already know it.  You had better start talking to your kids when they are very young. 
 
We start teaching our children when they are very young…2 years old. My sister had a boy after 4 girls.  Their anatomy is different.  The first diaper changing their 3 ½ year old is very curious.  Their curiosity is innocent and pure.  There is nothing inappropriate at this age.  “Dad…he has an outy?”  Modesty is taught from a very young age.  We let them wear things at a young age that they would not be allowed to wear at age 15.  You are teaching something all the time.  Do you let them run around in just a diaper because they don’t like clothes?
 
We teach our kids before there is problem with it.  We teach them how to control thoughts and feelings before there is an issue. 
 
 “Successful Living of Gospel Principles” by David B Haight
Parable taught by Dallin H. Oaks…..As two men walked across an eastern university campus, they were attracted by a crowd of people surrounding a large maple tree. As they approached, they noticed that the crowd was being amused by the antics of a fox-tailed squirrel circling the tree, climbing it, and running back down again. A red Irish Setter dog crouched nearby, intently watching the squirrel. Each time the squirrel ran up the tree out of sight, the dog would slowly creep towards the tree. The squirrel paid little attention as the dog crept closer and closer, patiently biding its time. People watching this entertaining drama unfold knew what could happen, but they did nothing, until in a flash, the dog—catching the squirrel unaware—had it in the grip of his sharp teeth.
 
The people then rushed forward in horror, forcing the dog’s mouth open to rescue the squirrel. It was too late. The squirrel was dead. Anyone could have warned the squirrel or held back the dog. But they had been momentarily amused and watched silently while evil slowly crept up on good. When they rushed to the defense, it was too late.
 
We see around us daily that which is portrayed in this parable. We sit idly by watching as an insidious stream of profanity, vulgarity, demeaning behavior, a mocking of righteous ideals and principles, invades our homes and lives through most types of media, teaching our children negative values and moral corruption. We then become upset when our children perform differently than we would wish, and social behavior continues to deteriorate.
 
Satan is so good at the philosophy that it is a personal choice.  Society teaches us that there is no line between right and wrong.  We teach them that by doing it ourselves. 
 
Example…My sons were in a 5-6th combo class together.  They were given class copies of a book.  This was when they were still my oldest and I was feeling my ways through how things work.  They came home and said Mom we don’t want to read this book.  That was a Friday.  I emailed the teacher, got the book from the library, and read it over the weekend.  It had ‘mature content’ in it.  It had 2 people making love in the room with 2 kids outside the room listening.  I emailed the teacher and said my boys will not read that book.  They need another choice.  I had 6 parents come up to me and say, “How come your boys didn’t have to read that book?  We didn’t know that was a option for our kids.” 
 
It teaches our children that it isn’t ok and to be courageous and stand for what’s right.
 
Get a reading list of the required reading for this year.  Then you start reading.  I have probably declined 7 books for my kids.  My 17 year old son is in a class right now.  His economics teacher came up to him.  He said, “I know that you are LDS and I don’t want to offend.  Can you or your Mom preview this and see if it will be offensive?”  That road has been paved for them.
 
My daughter came home and started talking about evolution and how the “Big Bang” theory and how it all began.  Kids think if you are the teacher what they are saying is true.  We have to help them learn how to decipher truth.  We walked her through how the world really began. 
 
If you don’t know what’s going on ask your kids what’s going on.  Teach them to communicate with you.
 
Class member:  As my son was going through school, teachers liked to think that the students are their peers.  One teacher would get up and talk about how their weekend was.  The teacher said she got drunk over the weekend.  My son stood up and said drinking is dumb.  Today they are doing that very strongly.  You do not need to be telling them what they are doing over the weekend. 
 
There is no dress code for teachers in our district.  I couldn’t believe what the teacher was wearing…mini skirt, spaghetti straps, and bare midriff.
 
The doctrine on the family is the doctrine of morality.  “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.”  You had better be teaching homosexuality in the first paragraph.  We need to be married before we are intimate.  This is the most sacred and wonderful thing we have.  Our kids need to understand the purpose of that. 
 
Teach reverence for the body….Start with modesty.  The Lord’s standard is the temple garment.  That is his standard.  I was in the Stake Young Womens.  We had all of our plaques on the wall.  I found my plaque. It sat on my dresser for awhile.  My daughter came in and she got big tears in her eyes.  It was my senior picture I had to wear a drape.  She said, “Mom, why are you dressed immodestly.”  I couldn’t say anything.  She saw it for what it was.  It has never hung in my home. 
 
What our kids see and perceive we tend to justify later down the road.  If it’s not ok for them it’s not ok for you. 
 
We feel like this is topic mostly for our girls.  When my brother was growing up, he was asked to a dance by a non-member.  She was warned to wear a modest dress.  This young lady showed up in a strapless dress.  You could just see the color go out of my brother’s face.  How uncomfortable is he now?  Is it ok for him to go to a dance and put his hands all over her without a top.  Me and my wonderful sister said, “Oh you forgot a sweater.  You can borrow one of ours.”  She left with it on.  When he got home she took it off.  I didn’t dance with her.  If it was off I didn’t dance with her.  We have the right to teach our sons what is appropriate.  They don’t have to do something they are uncomfortable with to ‘be nice’.
 
Class member:  He had told her that she needed to wear a modest dress and told her that he wouldn’t be twerking if she went with him.  It sets the standard.
 
They have to be taught the why first.  Then we can give them the practices.
 
I had the same thing happen to my 17 year old.  She is 6’2”.  Girls don’t wear long formals.  They wear knee length ones, but she did a good job. 
 
When we were in the Young Womens they could put on a sweater from our box of sweaters.  When you watch girls tug and pull on their clothes.  They aren’t comfortable in what they were wearing. 
 
Part of modesty is Sunday attire.  Do not wear flip-flops to church.  Reverence in church on Sunday needs to be different.
 
A right to privacy.  We shower with them.  We throw them in the bathtub with us.  We have boys and girls share bedrooms together.  Kids go to the bathroom we need to close the door.  They have a right to privacy and they should have privacy when they change their clothes. 
 
There is a time when we don’t share rooms anymore.  We don’t shower together. We need to teach our kids that we shower by ourselves.   In locker room situations, you will revisit this situation.  Keep a towel wrapped around you. 
 
My son, said his MTC companion was so straight that when I would be using the bathroom that he would be trying to have a gospel conversation with me outside the bathroom door.  We do not need to have a conversation through a bathroom door.  Teach that to your children.  Teach them appropriateness with bodily functions.
 
Vulgarity:  We need to teach our kids to not be vulgar.  That is anything that has to do with bodily parts and functions.  We grew up hearing them.  The sitcoms were popular when I grew up.  It wasn’t the immorality it was the degrading of the fathers.  The kids ruled.  There was a real disrespect for that.  A lot of crude, vulgar language is inappropriate.  Satan twists it.  Swearing is part of it.
 
When I asked my husband (a bishop) what to teach he said, tell them to talk to their kids.  When they find out they are in pornography not to flip out.  It closes the door of communication with them. 
 
In her generation the “Birds and the Bees” was not a discussed about conversation.  It is now.  Our youth hear it all the time.  There should be an open door policy about words.  If you hear a word and want to know what it means you will never get in trouble for it.  Mom or Dad needs to be a safe place to ask a question. 
 
H Burke Peterson…. Many of us do not profane, but are vulgar
 
Kids have the problem because parents are leading the way there. 
 
We need to teach our kids to have pure thoughts.  There is a natural progression that happens in middle school with hormones. 
 
My Mom took us all away for a weekend.  We had a book and discussed it.  When I had the talk with her it was great.  She asked a million questions.  What that does is throw them into that kind of thinking.  You have just implanted all of these thoughts and that’s what they think about.  That is natural and normal she felt like she was sinning.  Be careful with these tender spirits.  If they are naïve maybe pull them out and teach it to them slower.  Use the spirit of when that happens.  They know!  They hear about it all the time.  What they don’t know is the divinity and the sacredness of it. 
 
Class member:  A really good book is Brad Wilcox “Growing Up”.  It reassured them throughout the book.  It takes the embarrassing out of it.  It was so helpful. 
 
So often we shutter at the thought of what we have to do.  When I was growing up Mom talks to the girls, Dad talks to the boys.  There was a hunting trip with soda and hunting bears.  I came in there the sewing room door was closed…we had a big talk all together because the bear hunt was just a hike…there was no talk.
 
We buy season tickets for BYU.  For one trip I made him a 3x5 card and listed the topics.  Here are the bullet points.  I gave him an outline.  These are the things I am hearing and seeing.  Our arena is to be in our kids space.  You make sure you hit these things for the boys.  They came home and Spencer just looks at me and said, “I will never go to a BYU football game again.”  Did they lose or was it the ride?  The next year it was the next son’s turn.  He said, “I’m going to go with you.  No one should have to listen to that alone.”  They all go together.  It is this 6 hour space where they can ask questions and where it’s safe.  The ones that have thought about it for awhile can ask questions.  IF you can get your husbands to do it that is the best way.  It is from an understanding way. 
 
My husband grew up with a single Mom and 3 sisters.  One day my Mom walked into my room with 3 books and said you need to read these.  Dad never talked to him either. 
 
“Hair in Funny Places” (kids book)
 
You look at it from just a girls point of view.  You don’t realize it’s happening to the boys.  It is important to teach your boys about “that time of the month” and how to treat them during that time.  If you want to prepare them to be good husbands you need to prepare them.
 
Our thoughts lead to feelings with lead to actions which leads to behavior which define character. 
 
Sing a hymn if thoughts come.
 
We expect our kids when we teach them the don’ts we need to teach them how to make wise decisions.
 
I used to lay awake at night and think of hard situations to put my kids into….drinking, bad movies, inappropriate activities.  As I would tuck one of them in we would chat.  The ‘bad guy’ was always their best LDS friend.  Good opportunity to help them role play decisions and see what they would do.  Keep your mouth closed.  Let them problem solve and mill through it.
 
Class member:  I had a niece over.  She was 11.  I got a pain killer out and said just take one.  It will make you feel good.  I really tried to pressure her.  We role played it.  They were almost ready for tears, when I told them that they did a good job. 
 
The goal is not to terrify our children. 
 
We had a problem with strangers.  We could not get him to understand the man that had a puppy really didn’t have a puppy.  We had some of the well dressed people that he worked with to help entice them.
 
Help them think of situations they haven’t thought of before.
 
President Benson  Guard and Protect your virtue
To help youth understand the seriousness….if someone comes after you with a knife you wouldn’t stick around for a few stabs. 
 
My Mom was always the scapegoat.  Our youth have phones.  If they find themselves in a situation have a code word.  “I need you home right now.  Do I need to come get you?  I’m on my way.”
 
My daughter skipped young womens and she was a miamaid and with a laurel friend talking.  The laurel friend had a boyfriend that was very abusive.  They had to get a restraining order and now she has this other guy.  She said, “Are you still saying your prayers and reading your scriptures?”  Yes.  She said that Heavenly Father wasn’t answering her questions.  However, the answers she is looking for are “Is this ok?” She is asking questions contrary to the Lord’s guidelines.
 
“When you were young do not get involved in steady dating….you boys don’t need this and neither do the girls.” (Benson?)
 
Class member:  We can be the scapegoat and they also need to understand that Heavenly Father might let us be the scapegoat, but the answer may be different.  My daughter was going to a movie and looked up the reviews.  She knew that I had been praying.  She came home that night.  She said I had so much fun.  We were sitting in the theater and the projector wouldn’t work.  We sat there about 30 minutes.  We had dinner and got a treat after.  What we decided was that we weren’t supposed to watch that movie.  They also need to know they do get answers to those prayers.  It can help them realize that Heavenly Father is aware of them. 
 
If they see you doing something they get the courage to do something that too.
 
FSOY “Entertainment & Media”
Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in anything that presents immorality or violence as acceptable.
 
Common Sense Media Review for “Breaking Dawn”
Sex and nudity— Bella and Edward have sex a few times. First time is in the ocean when they are skinny dipping. No nudity is seen although their naked bodies are viewed from the side. 
They also have sex in bed a few times. Edward's chest is visible and Bella's breast is always seen with the occasional nipple seen. 
Characters kiss throughout the film a lot. 
A wedding is at the start. Bella wears a dress which reveals her bare back. She kisses Edward for a decent amount of time. 
Dances where characters are swung around genitals and breasts nothing too serious 
Bella removes her dressing gown to reveal her breast (no nipple seen) and her bare shoulders”
 
IMDB.com (Internet Movie Data Base)—Go to family ratings.  
 
Common Sense Media— http://www.commonsensemedia.org/ 
 
These are tools.  Use them!  This is the problem though…each of us is on our own spiritual progression.  You have to get yourself there and teach your kids.  You won’t be perfect.
 
When that movie came out I had 23 women that I knew taking their girls to see that movie. 
 
Class member:  Even the review is pornographic.
 
Class member:  I was in YW when the books came out.  There was a lot of controversy around it.  My sister, her oldest daughter was 15.  She read the first one and then I didn’t let her read the 2nd one.  There was part of me that wanted to know what was in there, but I haven’t read it or seen the movies.  It makes me think, it’s becoming so normal.  I had friends who went on and on and on about how amazing it was.  It’s becoming so standard. 
 
We have tools and it’s very appropriate to send your child to look it up.  Let’s read this together and ask “based on that is it a good show to see?” 
 
Kids in Mind—App---rate it on a 1-10 scale.  They tlel you what the swear words are.  They are very specific.  If it is a ‘2’ they will list kissing.
IMDB.com (Family ratings)
Commonsensemedia.org
 
Our kids want to be good!  If they read this before they saw the movie the would say, “That doesn’t sound very good.”  I was in the Stake when this came out…”It was written by an LDS author and Deseret Book sells it.”  Doctrine has nothing to with what Johnny next door is doing.  The kids at school is not the standard that I am comparing you too.  The Lord’s standard will not change!
 
Study For the Strength of Youth!!!
 
We are going to be called upon to defend the family any more than any other generation to have lived upon the earth.  Our society is trying to change and redefine what that is.  They are trying to redefine marriage.  The Lord needs us to defend the family.  If you are teaching them the Lord’s concept of the family you can teach the doctrine into the heart and souls and bear witness and testimony to see their role and keep their bodies clean.  We want our kids to enter marriage with that confidence and that desire. 
 
Discourage pairing up.  If you don’t have teenagers is that you don’t know is that kids pair off without dating.  Kids ‘hang out’.  Understanding how to date becomes an issue.  Kids can see the ‘reality shows’ where they can look at you and say, “I am not dating.”  We teach them that you have to be dating to be paired off and have a boyfriend.  You can ask any kid at school and say, “They are a couple.”  You need to decide at what age you are going to let them do ‘co-ed’ activities outside of church. 
 
When is it ok to have these boy/girl groups.  I said 16 years old in our home.  When my kids were in 8th grade everyone of their good LDS friends were paired off.  When your kids go somewhere there better be a list of “W’s”  Where are you going? Who are you with? When will you be home?
 
Class member:  Everyone will think you are a player when you date lots of different people.
 
You have to go out once a week on a date.  You don’t text a girl to ask her out.  You have a plan.  They don’t even know that.  We have to teach them that.  When my boys turn 16 my boys have to take me out on a date.  My husband takes our daughters out.  I order something expensive off the menu.  There needs to be a plan. 
 
In our home, our boys have to go out once a week.  If I was starting over I would make them go out every week and one of those weeks it would be my choice who they went out with.  It is so hard for my son to ask LDS girls out.  Why is that hard?  “They just have such low self esteem and they are always putting themselves down.  I just can’t stand that.”  What kinds of self esteem do you think they would have if you asked them out?  Because their self esteem comes from peers at that age.  He could have a part in that.  The dates don’t have to
 
Class member:  Do they need to take a different girl out every time?
 
Ours is 3.  They have to take out 3 different ones before they can go again.  They might have to grab a buddy or game night at your house.  FSOY says group dating.
 
My son one time decided that they were doing to take 2 girls out on the date that would be the talk of the school.  They cleared a part in the corn field.  They hung a blackout fabric and drove a couch out there and a projector.  They watched “the Apple Dumpling Gang”.  They can think of really fun things.  Our youth don’t know how to have fun.  No one wants to have dance lessons that’s not cool. 
 
When we talk about pairing up and hanging out.  We are seeing experimenting with homosexuality.  You live on the edge…anything that arouses those feelings.  This same son was walking home from middle school.  They saw 2 girls ahead of them holding hands.  Him and his friend were trying to decide what to do.  As he passed, one of the girls said, “You aren’t even going to say hi to me?”  This girl was one of my YW.  This girl really liked me.  We had a great relationship.  I want to talk to you about something that affected my son.  “Do you realize what every young man just saw?  Do you think he wants to ask you out when he sees you holding another girls hand?” 
 
I went to a basketball game and talked to a college institute teacher.  What are you seeing amongst college kids?  What are the red flags you are dealing with?  I have called all over the western states to see if they were having the same problem.  We are having a problem with same gender attraction.  Why do you think that increased?  My personal opinion is that they are just hanging out.  My best friend is there for me and all you do is hang out with my best friend. 
 
Class member: Growing up we had a bad family life.  There wasn’t a lot of love and very uninvolved family.  I had really good friends.  It was in no way sexual.  They were more family than my family.  I think we need to teach them not to be judgmental. There are going to be youth out there when their family doesn’t give them what they need. 
How do you tell the difference?
 
Class member:  I think it comes to don’t judge. 
 
As a Stake YW we have YW that are slow dancing together.  That is not ok.  People do rely heavily on their friends.  We are assuming that we are that supporting family for our kids.  Eventually we (as parents) aren’t going to be their first stop.  Junior year is very hard.
 
Homosexuality was not very common growing up, but now I’ll bet we each know someone personally that is homosexuality.  We have to know how to love someone, but hate the sin.  We don’t know what that looks like. 
 
Class member:  We have this situation in our family.  We had someone that came out that they were homosexual.  My 14 year old girl is very hurt.  We talked about how to look past that and still love him. 
 
When we teach doctrine they will understand that why. 
 
These are good people we love.  These are good people Heavenly Father loves. 
 
Class member:  I found out my grandmother was living that way, but I was little and didn’t realize it.  My mom had taught my older siblings, but I didn’t understand.  I didn’t realize how badly it affects someone. 
 
It’s hard when someone you love has turned away from the gospel. 
 
Class member:  Elder Oaks & Elder Wickman did an interview “Same Sex Attraction”  It is amazing.  They talk about this hypothetical son. 
 
There is same gender attraction that people fight and that is hard!  We should not jump to conclusions.  What we are seeing is experimentation.  It meets some of those needs when they are not being met at home. 
 
Class member:  I think it comes back to the open door policy with your kids.  Kids have to feel like they can come to you. 
 
This is plaguing our church now.  We need to tread lightly. 
 
Class member:  Is it pornography that is leading to this? 
 
My guess is…that there probably is a correlation now. 
 
Class member:  I think gays and lesbians are over represented in our society.  Youth are just more curious because it’s in our main stream media. 
 
Class member:  It’s almost a fad.
 
Class member:  I think maybe this has the same thing to do with the other things you were talking about when dating.  When that affection reaches a level of arousal it’s inappropriate. 
 
Youth will say that they are loved. 
 
President Hinckley said ‘kissing a boy or a girl should feel like kissing your mom.’
 
How one child handles it will be very different than another one.
 
Class member:  My 4 year old came home and asked me why some kids have 2 mom’s. 
 
We need to teach our kids consequences.  You can make the choice, but you don’t get to choose the consequence.  John Lund…How to Hug A Teenage Porcupine.  There is a plan of salvation for each one of Heavenly Father’s children.  Some may have to go through somethings to learn those lessons.  Teach them about the Atonement. 
 
Teach them they can always pray. 
 
Do’s & Don’t

• Do not give back rubs.
• Don’t lay by the opposite sex.  Don’t lay down to watch a movie on the floor.  Make it your rule. 
• Never go into the bedroom of the opposite sex…including siblings. There is no playing in bedrooms.  Kids like to play doctor.

 
Class member:  We have 2 children and a 3rd one on the way.  What age do you move them out in separate rooms? 
 
When they start undressing themselves. 
 

• Don’t dance to close.
• No full body hugs
• Keep your hands to yourself.
• Limit time on phones.

 
Cell phones & internet….Computers and internet have to be in public spaces in your home.  I believe that phones and the internet came about by the Spirit.  We need to teach our children that they are tools. 
 
My brother in Provo…he is creating a training for parents.  You go in on a 5th Sunday every one of those parents are saying “That’s not my kid.” 
 
Heavenly Father’s plan is a plan of accountability.  Your spouse should have your passwords.  You should have your spouses.  When Heavenly Father told Jesus & Adam to create water He said, return and report.  Our youth throw the “trust” word at me.  It’s nothing to do with trust.  It has to do with accountability. 
 
My son made some stupid decisions.  You can tell that the Spirit has withdrawn.  That is the Spirit working on them.  We worked through that.  He wanted to go out with another girl. We do tend to throw it back in their face.  He tried to set up something with some LDS kids.  It was some non-members on New Year’s Eve.  He said Mom why don’t you trust me?  You never see any of the things I do good.  You never share anything that you are doing.  What do we have as parents to go on?  The things we find out or read.  We are deciphering those messages. 
 
Someone gets the priesthood…you are accountable to your quorum president.  Make accountability with cell phones before it ever happens.  Once they get a phone they think that it is theirs.  You better set limits before.  This is when the phone gets docked.  An ipod should be docked every night.  This is where they are getting addicted to pornography. 
 
Docking and all passwords are an accountability thing.  Teach them if they need something to go to the internet and then get off. We waste so much time browsing.  You get into trouble through browsing. 
 
My 17 year old he graduated.  He has a phone.  Do you have money?  I said I don’t have money to buy a phone for you, but if you have the money to buy it and pay for it you can certainly have it. 
 
Over Christmas break we took our youth to Salt Lake for a temple trip.  Our Primary president called and said I just don’t understand why you are going to take their phones away at 10:30 at night.  We will charge them in our room.  They are afraid they are going to get broken.  It was so hard to relinquish that.  It was more important to her that they went on the trip, but made sure they had their phone.  Next time he will say no phones.  We can’t disengage.  Missionaries can’t disengage and don’t know how with electronics.  We need to monitor ourselves as well. 
 
Class member:  We have a friend who’s Dad is a mission president.  They are sending home more kids with phone addictions than pornography. 
 
Kids cannot pull themselves from it.  It is an emotional addiction.  We need to have family time where they don’t have them.  It affects every part of their life.  They did a study that said “You have mail” creates the same chemical reaction in your brain that heroin does.  It is sending kids home
 
We should not be hooking up with old high school friends.  Once you are married there needs to be a severance of some of those relationships.  Opposite gender.  Those lead to so many tough things. 
 
No marathon dates…why do we send our kids on 12 hours dates? 
 
No sleepovers.
 
Have a curfew.
 
If you ask your kids if they are morally clean and they say yes ask them to define what that means.  They say…I will go to this point and then stop.  What happens when they get married?  Teach them why we save ourselves and why those feelings are saved
 
Have you seen anything that made you feel weird or that you have a question about?  It gives them the opportunity to see what they have seen or heard.
 
It’s ok to lead out and say, “I just saw a Carl’s Jr commercial and it hurt my soul.”  It’s ok to open that conversation.
 
Listen to what the prophets say.  Parent as if it were your child.  Teach them accountability.  These things are sacred.  Heavenly Father has given these emotions to us for a very good purpose, but in the parameters the Lord has set. 
 
Internet Filtering Apps suggested by class members:
Net Nanny
Ever Accountable
 
 

When you thought about being a parent what did it look like to you?
Class member:  Good times!  I thought I would be awesome and do super fun things, crafts, projects, things would always be good.  There would be no worries or stress.
Class member:  My kids were perfect.  They would never say no, never throw tempter tantrums.
Class member:  Never have a snotty nose or yucky clothes.  We would never be that family.
 
I had 9 under 9 and my husband was the bishop.  I sat right behind this lady with 3 little girls in poofy dresses and beautiful hair.  I have 4 girls and 5 boys in a row.  I had assigned an older girl to a younger kid.  I was looking at these kids and thinking their socks don’t match.  They don’t even have their Sunday pants on.  Their hair hadn’t been combed.  I thought that wasn’t going to be me.
 
Class member:  I had patient parents and felt like I was a patient person until I had kids.  I thought I would never yell.  I was surprised how hard it was to parent without getting upset. 
 
Class member:  I felt like I wanted to make my Mom happy when I was growing up.  I knew what was right.  I felt like if you grew up in a good home you did what was right and that was more inbred in them.
 
Class member:  I was sure my kids would love the Lord and the gospel like I do.  I don’t know how to fix that.
 
In love we want to fix our kids.  We know how miserable their lives will be if they don’t embrace the Savior.  Can you imagine how the Savior feels about us? A lot of us he is fixing because we have that desire in our children.  There is agency.  BUT we still love them and hold them and still cherish them.
 
Class member:  I have come most of the time for 10 years.  This class is something that kind of changes it up for me and helps me to study in a different way.  It gives me different inspirations that I may not receive.  It’s good to hear different stories.  Usually I come away with a big ‘revelation’…like “Look up…He has been their parent.”  One time it was “Go to the temple.”  Those inspirations that won’t fix my kids, but will help them.  
 
When I give you homework I’m not translating it for you.  The Spirit should translate for you.  I will give you the mindset.  I want you each week to go away with “What do I do now?” 
 
 
HOMEWORK: 

• “What Lack I Yet?” Larry Lawrence
• “Parents: The Prime Gospel Teachers of Their Children” Tad Callister
  • Every time you read a parenting principle note it on the side.
  • Ponder this talk and this class and answer the question “What Lack I yet?”  What is my personal assignment because of this day and these 2 Conference talks.  It should be simple.  It will “A” something to do.

 
We think if we tell our children something to do or proper principles that it will go in them and they will do it. 
 
Your frustration is “How many times have I told you….?”  That becomes our issue. 
 
If they aren’t doing it they aren’t getting it!  It may have nothing to do with what you said to them, it’s that what you said didn’t get inside of them.
 
Elder Bednar talks about bringing the Spirit unto or into.
 
Can we govern them without them letting it into their heart?  Yes…when they are little.  When they won’t do that you come away with the conclusion that you are a bad parent.  I couldn’t do what my Dad did.  I went years thinking that was the only time my Dad spoke to me.  The process of teaching is what is critical. 
 
Teaching is not dissemination.
 
Class member:  Do we obey out of the fear of God or the love of God? 
 
We think our kids come knowing good and self discipline.  We think we tell them something like “Make your bed” and they do it.  They won’t.  Teaching is more than telling.
 
Our telling is usually based on telling them what’s wrong. 
 
Example:  You think this bed is made?  The sheet is wrinkly.  You haven’t picked up things. 
 
It’s correcting.  As we are always focused on the negative, we think that we are teaching them correct principles.  We develop a home based on rules.  We need to teach and train our children on principles.  Principles of the gospel change us.
 
President Uchtdorf “Forget-me-not”
“In our diligent efforts to fulfill all of the duties and obligations we take on as members of the Church, we sometimes see the gospel as a long list of tasks that we must add to our already impossibly long to-do list, as a block of time that we must somehow fit into our busy schedules. We focus on what the Lord wants us to do and how we might do it, but we sometimes forget why.”
 
We want a clean home because the Spirit can be there. 
 
Joseph Smith History 1:59
I should be responsible for them; that if I should let them go carelessly, or through any neglect of mine, I should be cut off; but that if I would use all my endeavors to preserve them, until he, the messenger, should call for them, they should be protected.
 
THIS (Parenting) becomes your first priority more than Facebook, Pintrest or anything else.
 
Referee=calls out what’s wrong and gives penalties.
 
When we say “Stop fighting” we think they are getting it.  We spend the time telling them what not to do.
 
Coach=teaches and trains, helps
 
Example 1:  When I worked in the dental office I worked at the front desk. I was talking to a patient that came in. She was an elementary school teacher for about 20 years.  She was in a predominantly LDS neighborhood.  She was teaching 7-8 year olds…3rd/4th grade.  I have noticed there has been a big change in them.  Is it because of parent involvement?  They have high parent involvement.  These children their attention span is MUCH shorter than it used to be.  They don’t want to do hard things.  When something is hard they quit and give up. 
 
Example 2:  My son works down at the MTC and trains missionaries and mission presidents.  He said, “We have a high percentage of missionaries who are coming home because of anxiety.”  They can’t face and do hard things because they don’t know how to problem solve and they want to quit when it gets hard.
 
We are training them to a certain mental and emotional state starting young.  These are good parents. 
 
Class member:  I think we have a tendency to do things for our children out of love. 
 
Example 1 ~continued~ I asked this teacher “What do you think is the reason for this?”  They have too much stuff.  They are given too many privileges and they aren’t learning to do anything hard at home. 
 
We love our children so much and we are so afraid of losing them that we buy into whatever they want.  We parent out of fear. 
 
Do you remember the story of the butterfly and the cocoon and the man clipped the cocoon so he could get out.  It was the process of fighting to get out of the cocoon that powered the butterfly to fly.
 
We are trying to hold them so tight. When they are teenagers we say “You should know how to do this.”  Age does not create responsibility it creates a bigger body with hormones. 
 
Early is the best time to teach them hard things.  It is easier when they are young, but you can always teach.  You have to decide that you want to teach your children correct principles. 
 
Example:  The summer Olympics are coming I save my money and buy a ticket and I get in the pool and say I want to do the synchronized swimming.  Will the coach let me do that?  No.  You have to be trained for years.
 
You want a child that is responsible and loves the Lord.
 
With good training we will still have some suffer, but your chances of success are greater.  These kids go out on their missions never having done anything harder than taking a test at school. 
 
Jobs at home are NOT hard work.  It’s climbing “Rocky Ridge” and not quitting.  That’s when you learn what’s inside of you.  That’s when you learn the endurance to be a missionary, a mother, a wife.
 
1.  Be firm in teaching your children what you want them to do and not what you don’t want them to do. 
 
Negative Example:  Stop jumping on the bed.
Positive Example:  You may jump on the floor or the trampoline.
 
(-) Stop hitting your brother.
(+) Jonny I can see you are frustrated. Let’s go talk about it.
I have given the opportunity to teach them how to be kind.  He’s probably angry, but he wants someone to care about what he wants.  That’s why he’s acting out. 
 
(-) Stop slamming the door.
(+) Please, close the door softly.
 
For the most part Heavenly Father tells us what he wants us to do.
 
2.  Teach your children how to do hard things.
 
Marshmallow Experiment  “Ship shape and Bristol Fashion” by Quentin L. Cook
 
Class member:  How do you get them to do it?
 
Teach a FHE lesson.
Do hard things with them all the way to the end.
Then do hard things alone.
 
They need to see it through to the end so they can feel the satisfaction.  You make it a big deal when they get to the end of it. As you make it a big deal your focus on their effort. 
 
What’s hard for a little child?  Reverence in church.  We aren’t teaching them to be reverent in church.  It’s ok to have some rewards.  As they get older you have to watch that it doesn’t turn into bribery.  Does Heavenly Father reward us along the way?  He gives us blessings along the way and sometimes we don’t even deserve them. 
 
Reverence needs to be taught in the home.  Reverence is the beginning of self discipline.  Children don’t come reverent.  We have to teach them on their level.  What do we tend to do?  We equate quiet with reverent.  They are not the same things.  We say…bring everything you want to play with and we will have playschool so you will be quiet.  That’s not what we want to teach. 
 
How do you begin to teach that then?  It starts at home.  You learn to sit for 2-5 minutes (in mini moments) to sit through FHE at home.  You are going to teach them to sit beside you while you read them a story.  You are going to teach them to begin to have quiet moments in their lives where they sit quietly and then that graduates to church. 
 
If you don’t have them “Return & Report” they won’t do it.  They need to be accountable.  That teaches them a lot more than your nagging them.
 
If you make it a “Rite of Passage”---you get to go to school, primary, and be reverent in church.  When you are a certain age you can mow the lawn.  Those can be hard things.
 
3.  Teach your children how to problem solve.
 
We usually solve it.
 
Class member:  I caught on to this last time.  I changed my verbage.  How do we start?  We still have to wear clothes.  How many hangers would you like me to get out for you?  He said 2.  He has to learn.  I asked him How do we start cleaning our room?  I guess I could put my shoes away first.  They know some things.  They might not know all of them, but they know how to start.  They start to think and they are doing the talking.  Would you like me to help you with this or just sit here?
 
You can make it into a game.  While I count to 57.  You see how much you can get done while I count.  You can make it fun for them.  Just don’t think for them or do it for them.
 
Example:  Daughter comes home from school saying she doesn’t like the girl sitting by her.
 
Say…That sounds like it can be really tough.  What do you think you can do about that?
 
Pray for the ability to ask good question!
 
4.  Teach your children to focus on effort not product
5.  Teach them to develop a testimony of Christ and that they are divine.
 
As you stand as you are right now you are divine.  Saying “You are a child of God” won’t do it.  Point out what their spiritual gifts are.  We teach them to live outside themselves.
 
Those 5 elements are important and you need them.  As we teach our children what was the difference between saying “Stop hitting” and “You look frustrated let’s go talk about it.”
 
We have to teach them correct behavior, not tell them.  Certain things have to be in place for a child to be in place to be taught.  They have to be willing to open their door so they can be taught.  We have to create an environment of safety. 
 
Example:  If I feel like my Mother is mad and furious at what I did and am I willing to listen. 
 
To Create an Environment of Safety:
1.  Build on a positive foundation.  When you say it wrong take a breath and restate it the right way. 
 
2.  Keep your word.  If they don’t trust us in somethings it’s easy to not trust us in a lot of things.  If a book isn’t good for them to read it’s not good for them to read.  If a movie isn’t good for them it’s not good for you.  We need to not live hypocracy.  We need to have one standard….the Lord’s standard….be consistent.
 
3.  Use the language of respect.  Say I’m sorry, thank you, please.  No put downs.  No labels.  Not even in jest!!
 
4.  Use eye contact.  Get down on their level.  Don’t holler across the room.  When your children come in after school stop what you are doing and look at them.
 
5.  Physical contact. If you gently touch them you say, “Honey why did you do that?”  Physical contact should be frequent.  You will have some children that are stiff as a board.  They need them even if they don’t like it.  He needs me to show closeness.  Sometimes those that repel it the most need it the most.  Don’t avoid them.  Make it light and happy.  We need physical touch.
 
6.  Keep children out of an emotional corner.  Have you been in the cookies?  (all over their face) Why do you want them to admit that they were in the Oreo cookies when you see they are all over your face?  We want them to grovel.  It makes you feel powerful.  We need to say instead….I can see you have been into the cookies.  We were going to have those for dessert.  You have already had yours.
 
7.  Be on their side.  Express faith and confidence in them.  I want my children to know that I believe in them more than anyone else in the world.  I am their cheerleader in the good times and bad.  Sometimes I do my best cheering when they are at the bottom of the pit.  You need to be your children’s cheerleader.  They should know that Mom or Dad are for them and on their side.  It means you love them.  Heavenly Father is our cheerleader.
 
8.  Be at the Crossroads.  To lower your anxiety load plan your day to be done before they walk through the door.  We have more control over that.  You are there in the moment.  You put aside your things.  You are physically there in the moment.  You need to be at the door.  How was school?  How did it go?  Your husband comes home from work….go to the door.  You need to be there.  You need to touch them at the crossroads. 
 
9.  Learn how to communicate.  How often do we ask the question, but don’t really care about the answer or validate what they say.  They feel shut out.  We have to open doors and keep them open so they will listen to us.
 
How to Teach….
I thought in the beginning that we were teaching our children correct principles.  We are teaching them knowledge. 
 
1.  Knowledge…they have to know the facts, but don’t stop there. When I teach them the story of Joseph Smith they are receiving knowledge.  They can raise their hand and answer the question.  We think we have taught them, but we haven’t.  They have knowledge/facts…not testimony.
 
2.  Understanding…check to see if they understand that story.  If I want to check that…I give them a test.  We don’t have tests at home.  How do we test our children’s understanding at home.  Have them teach it back.  Ask them questions about the picture on the fridge.  You can do it in mini moments.  If you don’t have them give back what they heard you don’t know if they understand.  What we say to our children and what they get is not the same thing ever.  Why did Joseph Smith go to the grove?  Do they understand ‘why’ it happened.  You are talking about ‘them, there, then’.
 
3.  Internalize…We have to bring it forward.  What does the story have to do with me?  Joseph Smith?  Jonah?  How do you apply it to yourselves?  We have to take what was written then and apply it to yourself?  This is “me, here, now”.
 
4.  Apply…This becomes testimony when they apply it.  When Joseph Smith was having a hard time what did he do?  You connect dots for them.  Until they do the “do” they won’t have the testimony. 
 
Class member:  That is the difference between Nephi & Laman & Lemuel.  The Lord was asking them to do that. 
 
As you have your scripture reading you have to bring it forward so they can internalize it.  You may only read a verse, but what does it look like to us.  Mom’s & Dad’s should go through 1,2,3 and then show them how to do 4.  After they do number 4 and have them keep a journal of spiritual experiences.  They can see the tender mercies in their own lives.
 
Teaching is more than correcting misbehavior.  School teachers have to do lesson plans for the day.  If you want your children to learn to live out…how are you going to teach that?  If you want them to do hard things…how are you going to teach that?  If you want them to have faith…how are you going to teach that?
 
This is not an event.  You don’t teach it once and follow it through to the end.  This is a process that goes over and over and over.  Because you teach child number 1 don’t forget to teach child number 6 with the same degree of concern and involvement and care.  Each child needs their own training program.  It has to be custom tailored for the children.
 
President Faust 2005 “A thousand threads of Love”
 
Parental teaching moments need not be big or dramatic or powerful. We learn this from the Master Teacher. Commenting on the Savior, one writer said:
 
“The completed beauty of Christ’s life is only the added beauty of little inconspicuous acts of beauty—talking with the woman at the well; … showing the young ruler the stealthy ambition laid away in his heart that kept him out of the kingdom of Heaven; … teaching a little knot of followers how to pray; … kindling a fire and broiling fish that His disciples might have a breakfast waiting for them when they came ashore from a night of fishing, cold, tired, and discouraged. All of these things, you see, let us in so easily into the real quality and tone of [Christ’s] interests, so specific, so narrowed down, so enlisted in what is small, so engrossed with what is minute.”
 
And so it is with being parents. The little things are the big things sewn into the family tapestry by a thousand threads of love, faith, discipline, sacrifice, patience, and work.
 
It is the mini moments that teach them the most and build them and give them the confidence to come to Christ.  He has given that teaching purpose to parents to bring us all home.  It will help us become more like him so we can return back to our Heavenly Father.
 
 
 
 

Positive Parenting Spring Semester will begin on TUESDAY January 12, 2016.  NOTE THE CHANGE IN DAYS!!!  No babysitting will be available.  The class list and other information can be found here.