In the big picture I believe in order to teach our children things that will change their life we have to teach doctrine. “True doctrine, understood, will change behavior faster than the study of behavior changes behavior.” As we focus on trying to change negative behavior the negative behavior becomes more.
Class member: I have been listening and pondering on the article in this month’s Ensign. It’s about a Mom who is worried about pornography because it’s everywhere. She tells about a scripture that stands out about the murky water, but because he’s looking at the tree and looking to Christ he doesn’t see the murky water as much. If we focus on the positive things that they can do…family history work, lds.org, personal progress. We need to focus on the good things for them to do.
Class member: I think the principle is the Lord wants us to be a moral people. We don’t even live on the same planet as everyone else. It’s really the true way to get true happiness.
Class member: I think we need to teach the doctrine for morality is to look to the Proclamation on the Family.
If we are teaching eternal families (the plan of salvation) as doctrine with joy and happiness we are teaching temple and baptisms. Getting our children involved in temple work and family history work will save them in these days (David A. Bednar). We usually teach morality with fear and trembling. We are so terrified that we are teaching them out of fear and it pushes them with curiosity towards experimentation.
The promise…you will keep them unspotted from the world….IF you keep them unspotted from the world. What can we do to keep the Sabbath day holy? Stay away from the fear tactics and scares. If they love the Lord they won’t go over there in the darkness.
We teach with an ulterior motive of…if we keep the Sabbath day holy you won’t get into drugs/homosexuality/etc. As they learn to accept that doctrine in faith then you receive the blessing.
No sleepovers! Stop looking at the exceptions. Look at the rule.
HOMEWORK: Read by Larry Lawrence “Courageous Parenting”
I didn’t feel good about my children sleeping over at Grandma’s with the cousins and some bad things happened. Eventually I listened to the Spirit and started bringing my kids home at night and taking them back in the morning for breakfast.
Sometimes they have “Laurel sleepovers”. I never let my children do that. I was the number one hated Mom in the ward. My goal is not to be the popular parent. I would pick my kids up at 10:30-11pm then take them back in the morning. When the leaders go to sleep there are inappropriate things that are being discussed.
Class member: We have had a little bit of an experience in our family too. As a kid we did sleepovers. At a church sleepover there was a rated R movie and the parents went to sleep. The fears that put into me as a Beehive and nightmares that happened stayed with me. With my children we had a situation we figured everyone was safe. It should have been fine and it wasn’t. The effects that has had on my kids has been devastating. The best thing that ever happened at a sleepover was just gossip. You just get no sleep.
Class member: Over Thanksgiving we had a discussion with my side of the family. My kids were complaining about having sleepovers. My sister-in-law took offense to my kids not being able to sleep over.
I think sleepovers are fun. I think you should have ‘family sleepovers’ where everyone brings their pillows down and everyone stays up. Take a good nap in the afternoon. Make it a fun family sleepover party.
What about girls camp? I would let them go, but I would teach them what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. Role play. Help them be a leader and keep the conversation uplifting.
What about boys camp? Same thing. They need a lot of teaching.
Class member: I grew up with having sleepovers. It stops them from later on doing worse things. It sets the example for what you expect.
You need to create fun for your kids. Be sure that fun is safe and you know what it is.
I just got a letter from an inactive family that we home teach, that they are irate about the church’s new counsel about children in homosexual couples until they are 18. They have an active homosexual son who is living in New York. She said we don’t want you to come to our home anymore to visit unless you don’t talk about the church. So we told her that we would still come and play Farkle with them.
You need to understand the ‘why’ of this policy. There are large amounts of people that are falling away from the church because of this policy.
Class member: I have a friend that was living that way and has children. She never felt good about it. She knew it wasn’t right. She has now left her partner and now try to live the right way so my son can be baptized. It was what she needed to get her back on track. That is rare.
We had an elder in our ward, this is one that I really loved. When this announcement came out he told us that his mother was lesbian and had left the family when he was a little boy. He had grown up with his Dad and stepmom. He said, “I wish this has been there then. I love this. This is freeing. This helps families stay together. It’s not turning an 8 year old child against parents at 8 because they can’t get baptized.” To have them take on covenants at 8 years old that’s what puts them in opposition. It’s intended to bind families and keep them together. When the child is 18 and knows you can still love your parents and now I’m free to know and choose these covenants. At 18 I can separate the sin and the person. At 8 years old you can’t do that. It’s to keep families together not tear them apart.
Online to lds.org there are several letters that people have written in and being in the situation and why they love this doctrine.
Class member: This is not new doctrine. We have known that homosexuality is wrong. Look at the information from the source.
Neil Anderson? The world is wicked enough right now as we stand for the Savior to come. We have reached a peak in wickedness. We aren’t waiting for the world to get more wicked. We are as wicked as Sodom and Gomorrah. The Savior is waiting for the righteous to become more righteous.
Are we trying to keep one foot in the social and in the gospel as well.
Class member: Our bishop said it’s a good opportunity for us to question. When is the last time I’ve had to get on my knees and really ask for myself. It’s been faith building for me.
She is not saying I can’t stand this I’m out. She is saying I don’t understand this so I need to find the answer. All of us need to question the gospel, but how are we going to question it with criticism and fault finding.
“Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith” President Uchtdorf
Class member: I think there is a difference between not understanding and the other side. I don’t know that I understand it fully, but I know whatever comes from the prophet comes from God. We just had a talk to our 3 year old with everything. He isn’t going to tell us to do something that is not right. You might struggle with some things.
If you want your kids to get married in the temple in a healthy, happy way they need to have a healthy, happy relationship. Hanging out leads to getting married much later in life. In hanging out no one has responsibility. You receive all the fulfillment of boy/girl relationships with none of the responsibility. We want to promote eternal families. We have to teach dating.
I never thought I would have to teach dating. You have to get on the band wagon to teach dating.
The Dating Academy by Matthew O. Richardson (New Era)
The Dating Academy by Matthew O. Richardson (Ensign)
Class member: We need to teach our children to still go on dates after you are married.