- Work on prayers of gratitude. Express gratitude and then express why. Once a day have a prayer of just gratitude. Pray with real intent
- Read "Remember, Remember" by President Eyring October 2007. Consider doing a gratitude journal from now until Christmas.
- Write a note or letter to someone not in your family that has influenced you for good.
Homework:
0 Comments
Class member: I’m overwhelmed. I can’t keep all the homework going. We have been talking about manners this week. I talked my 8 year old through making a phone call to invite someone over. It went well.
Class member: My daughter is friends with 2 girls in her class that her parents earn Linder Farms. She spent the day out there with them. She said I should write them a thank you card. My son was excited to write a thank you note to his teacher who gave him a book from the Book Fair. Class member: We were talking. My family has the ‘service’ part down because we run a non-profit. We have put in hours for a long time. I have a hard time getting my kids to show gratitude. We decided that we need to focus on manners. I got cross with them at dinner. I have one that is 17 and 15 and they could be going on missions and I don’t want them to act like this. The 15 year old said I wouldn’t act like this in someone else’s home. Sometimes I think we are just harder on ourselves than we need to be. I tried doing a gratitude journal, but I didn’t stay on it very well. I just restarted it again last night. We need to just look at the little things. Class member: I have 3 boys too. 1 is by far less mannerly than the others. He wipes his hands on his shirt. Yesterday his shirt was disgusting. I took his shirt off him and showed it to him. I think maybe it has gotten through to him. I have been trying to do a gratitude journal every since I have read that talk by President Eyring. During the day I will say, “I’m going to put that in my gratitude journal.” That’s a great idea. Class member: I loved the concept of the ‘action’ of being thankful. I think there was a light bulb that went on for at least one of my children. I think they were receptive to the lesson. We made our tree and every day we add something. What are you going to do because you are grateful for that. Because I’m grateful how do I show my gratitude. Class member: I was talking with my daughter who is at BYU-I and is having a rough transition. She mentioned that tithing money goes to pay for BYU-I. Even the tithing money from those saints in the 3rd world country may never see something like that. You can’t thank those people to their face, but how can you show them that you are thankful. She felt overwhelmed. I can work really hard and make sure I’m getting good grades. I can make sure that I’m getting to church and doing my visiting teaching. I kept asking her what else? Maybe someday when I’m making money I can donate to the Perpetual Education Fund. Take that gratitude and do something with it. Class member: We had a trip to New Jersey planned over the weekend. All the plans got drastically changed. We got stranded in the Denver airport and had to drive home. We noticed so many of those instances that we could be grateful along the way. I was glad that I we had been talking about different things we noticed we were thankful for. When it’s this natural process when you develop that heart of gratitude and they see it that is when they get it. Class member: My daughter is 13 and she is so dramatic and whiny. She can be really rude with her tone of voice. Sunday before church started she started complaining. I leaned over to her and said let me give you a microphone so everyone else can see how dramatic you are being. She started laughing. It diffused whatever the situation was and she would start laughing. She quit being whiny. Humor is the best diffuser they can have. Use it! Class member: There is a Berenstain Bears book where the brother and sister would swap places with the Mom & Dad and act just like them. We pull that book out every once in awhile to remind them of that. Class member: My kids are raised and I’m here to find out how to help my grandchildren. I want to have a family meeting and we can all talk and grow closer. We do Secret Santa. One of the other assignments is The Living Christ. Class member: My take away is the Level Zero. Memorize the Living Christ with Pictures….. http://www.bookofmormondiscovery.com/livingchrist.html Our children live in a society of entitlement. If we don’t teach them how to be grateful they won’t learn it anywhere else. The heart of gratitude and the act of gratitude is not the same. We are going to separate it today.
I want to set the foundation if you well that prepares the heart to learn gratitude. The heart has to be prepared before it can be received. Our goal is to bring the doctrine “unto” our children, but they have to bring it “into” their own hearts. You have to teach it over and over. Their hearts are prepared to receive them differently. You have to prepare their hearts so they can receive. You prepare soil so it can receive what you are teaching. This is the preparation that I think needs to happen. We prepare our children to receive the principle of gratitude by teaching them to be respectful. It’s hard to have a grateful heart when you have no respect. You teach respect by teaching the lost art of “Good Manners”. They have to be taught and required at home. It is a principle of life that you are respectful. Look at the leadership in the country. Some don’t have very good manners. Emily Post was the queen of manners. If you wanted to know what to do you would refer to her. She was the queen of the etiquette rules. We are at a place where we have to figure it out and teach our children manners. There are things that we need to teach our children to help them be more refined. You can add according to what the Spirit prompts you to do.
Class member: They interrupt each other all the time when they are telling me about their day. Define who is next and no one gets to interrupt. Keep it reasonable. Then if they want to continue the conversation it happens after everyone else has had their turn. Class member: My son had his last soccer game and I had him write a thank you card. He wanted to text, but I wouldn’t let him. Teach your child, “Just a minute…it’s Dad’s turn. It will be yours in a minute.” Use the word ‘turn’. It calculates in their head that they will get a chance as well. We all think different and that’s ok. Class member: I have a child that does the same thing. I try to teach him to collect his thoughts and then tell me. He isn’t always focused. I tell him ‘collect your thoughts and then I can listen.’ Class member: Interrupting is such a problem in our home. It doesn’t matter what we are doing my daughter is constantly interrupting. When you have one child and they are the only one demanding your time they can have more time. Only children have a hard time learning how to share or interrupting. Interrupting is just sharing time. With an only child the situation doesn’t always arise that you can use as the teaching tool. With an only child you have to become more consistent. Talk less and do more if you have already taught it. They need to learn that you don’t stop on demand to deal with them. We default to doing that. You have to teach her to respect space, time, & emotions of you and your husband and family. You become the source of her learning experiences. I’m the adult so I should teach her what she needs. Class member: With technology, we just don’t get the amount of phone calls that we used to at home. I take care of a lot of things on my phone through text. My kids think if I’m texting that’s not important and my focus shouldn’t be there. Should you deal with that in a similar manner? Technology makes some of these things a little harder. Are you using your technology as a tool to make something roll forward or are you using it as a toy. If you are answering a tool or assignment it is appropriate to say to them, “Sister Jones needs an answer to this.” It shows them that you are using it as a tool. A lot of adults are addicted to cell phones so it can be inappropriate. Class member: My parents growing up said the 2 hours after school the focus was on us. She didn’t answer the phone. FHE she didn’t answer the phone. I do the same thing with my cell phone use now. The phone is for my convenience not for yours. D&C 59:7 “Thank the Lord in all things.” We tend to thank the Lord in only good things. D&C 59:21 “And in nothing doth man aoffend God, or against none is his bwrath ckindled, save those who dconfess not his hand in all things, and eobey not his commandments.” Develop a grateful heart. Just like the last level of the service continuum is “I want to serve because I am grateful for what the Savior has done.” This is a condition of what you have done. “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but is the parent of all others.” (Cicero) If you want to develop humility you learn to be grateful. You have to actually teach gratitude and with gratitude they begin the process. The ones that suffer with being cocky they ‘expect’ to receive everything and they ‘deserve it’. James E Faust “Gratitude as a Saving Principle” “As gratitude is absent or disappears, rebellion often enters and fills the vacuum. I do not speak of rebellion against civil oppression. I refer to rebellion against moral cleanliness, beauty, decency, honesty, reverence, and respect for parental authority. A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being.” Fruits of teaching gratitude….prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, & well-being. Do you want those fruits or want your children to have those things in their lives? If they felt those things there would be less competition. They would be content. Read the quotes and take it apart. Take it apart and realize that if I teach gratitude then this becomes the blessing. Then look at your children and say, “Where are they weak?” Class member: You are saying service is a part of having a grateful heart. I had him watch a video about kids in third world countries, but they just aren’t getting it. It’s not just to make you feel bad. I’m just trying to help you see that you are grateful. I guess they need to serve and see for themselves. Our children say, “I want to help the needy, but it doesn’t make me less greedy.” We only want to take our ‘excess’ and give it so it doesn’t hurt them. Your children will never learn gratitude from getting things! They actually become grateful by receiving less not more. Stuff doesn’t make them grateful. Earning it themselves makes them more grateful. How do you teach gratitude? It goes through levels just like the service continuum. They have to experience these. President Monson “The Divine Gift of Gratitude” “My brothers and sisters, to express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven.” 3 levels of gratitude…. Express Enact Live Level 1: EXPRESS
Level 2: ACT
18 Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.
Level 3: LIVE
D&C 78:19 And he who receiveth all things with athankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an bhundred fold, yea, more. This is the blessing that comes with gratitude. HOMEWORK:
It’s not just to be grateful for the easy things, but to be grateful for the difficult things as well. Class member: We have put up a gratitude tree where we add leaves and when the missionaries were over they added to my trees.
Class member: That’s all my husband talked about was change percentages this week. He said ‘that’s the best thing ever’. Class member: I am overwhelmed, just knowing that I need to do it. I don’t want to fight everyone about that. Sometime’s Mom has a great idea and everyone fights about it. Challenge them to come up with the idea. You can say the prophet told us to take care of the refugees. Have an idea in the back of your mind. Class member: Last year to go along with the “beware of pride” we decided that we would get someone in our family to the temple each week if we could and did family history at home if we couldn’t. Our family wanted to still do the temple service again this year. It can’t help, but help you come out of pride a little bit. They help each other work on family history too and finding names. They looked through our budget and decided what we could do to help out with a family missionary that was out. They looked at what they could cut out (eating out, entertainment, etc) to use that money to help care for the missionary. Class member: We talked about maybe we could invite some of the single invite them for dinner or to a band concert or something. These are fabulous opportunities. One Thanksgiving when most of my kids were coming home I took $10 for each grandchild. I said you have from now until Christmas to do something amazing for someone else. For the Christmas Eve program you can share what you did. I would prefer you wouldn’t just hand it to someone on the street corner. They came up with creative things. One bought lunch for someone at school that needed it. Someone else had done a “Pay it Forward”. That was a fun experience. One thing my kids remember the most we always picked a family in a different ward. The kids were to get 3 things for one of the people in that family. They had to get something to eat, something to wear, and something that was fun. They had to earn their budget. I was more generous paying for jobs that time of the year. On a FHE we would all go shopping. We came home and had a huge wrapping party. On Christmas Eve we would do the ditch and run. It was really snowing hard. We ended up with 2 trampolines that year. We decided we were going to give one of them to this family. The oldest kids weren’t out of high school. We were trying to put up a trampoline in the middle of the road ‘quietly’. We had to carry it down the road to this house. They carried the trampoline to the front door. To watch that family open the door and see what was there it was amazing! They talk about it and talk about it. They are all doing it in their families. We’ve almost been caught a couple of times. It still is magical. We’ve done missionaries that will write and sent our missionaries big boxes that they could hand out to children. Class member: My sister-in-law is on his mission in Guatemala. He was in such a scary location. His Mom just felt the need to help the best they could. They ended up taking their 5 kids to Mexico last year from Christmas. They told them that going was Christmas. They helped build an orphanage. Up front it looks like another job on the job list. You have to have faith first and do it before you see how it changes the lives of your children and you. If you want to do something really hard to the Twelve Days of Christmas. Continue to think about it and maybe you can make part of your Thanksgiving discussions. Class member: We finally finished our family mission statement. We wrote it in a poem form. I have 3 boys right now. Class member: I read over all the notes…the Service Continuum. How do you help the kids to get from the “I won’t” to the “I have to” to the “I want”? Teach it in a FHE. Give them an empty chart. You only have to move from one step to another. Help them to say “I want to” or “I will”. Verbalize when you are walking up to the next step. A lot of times our kids are on the “I won’t” then they look at perfection and they feel defeated and so do you. We need to help them move up a little at a time and help them fill value. Give them opportunities to serve. Do family service projects. It needs to be hard, but they can have fun together. Service is physical! They have to do it on all levels. For the family for each other. Class member: My family did service projects each year, but I didn’t get it until I was an adult. I remember how hard it was as an 8 year old child to give away candy. All of my kids were at a science fair. We were coming home and dressed nice. We drove past an elderly man in the ward and he had leaves everywhere in his yard. We didn’t have a lot of leaves. His yard was a blanket of leaves. They said, “Can we stop and rake leaves”. We pulled over. They raked the yard and they were filthy when we got home. They had fun in the leaves. You have to be creative and make it fun. Consistent little ones can be more powerful. It’s learning to live in gratitude which attitude produces service. You can do service and it’s a ‘job’. If you have service based on gratitude it is filled with joy. We should get involved in community service projects. Class member: A lot of the schools have leadership projects. You can always go with them. If you are looking for ideas. The bottom line is that you have to look for them. You have to want to teach service intentionally. Class member: There is a website www.justserve.org Mom, you are the one that has to do it and you have to find these opportunities to serve. Class member: Malary was getting ready to go on her mission and she asked Nate who works at the MTC what she can do to get ready to go on her mission. He said the best thing you can do is to go down once a week and serve at the soup kitchen. You need to be comfortable with reaching out to those not in your bubble. We need to get our children out of their comfort zones for people who need service and not in the ‘church’ circle. My challenge is…don’t just let service be just at this time of the year. Class member: There is someone in our ward who takes the little kids to all the widow’s homes and give them a rose on Valentine’s Day. Class member: We have put up a gratitude tree where we add leaves and when the missionaries were over they added to my trees.
Class member: That’s all my husband talked about was change percentages this week. He said ‘that’s the best thing ever’. Class member: I am overwhelmed, just knowing that I need to do it. I don’t want to fight everyone about that. Sometime’s Mom has a great idea and everyone fights about it. Challenge them to come up with the idea. You can say the prophet told us to take care of the refugees. Have an idea in the back of your mind. Class member: Last year to go along with the “beware of pride” we decided that we would get someone in our family to the temple each week if we could and did family history at home if we couldn’t. Our family wanted to still do the temple service again this year. It can’t help, but help you come out of pride a little bit. They help each other work on family history too and finding names. They looked through our budget and decided what we could do to help out with a family missionary that was out. They looked at what they could cut out (eating out, entertainment, etc) to use that money to help care for the missionary. Class member: We talked about maybe we could invite some of the single invite them for dinner or to a band concert or something. These are fabulous opportunities. One Thanksgiving when most of my kids were coming home I took $10 for each grandchild. I said you have from now until Christmas to do something amazing for someone else. For the Christmas Eve program you can share what you did. I would prefer you wouldn’t just hand it to someone on the street corner. They came up with creative things. One bought lunch for someone at school that needed it. Someone else had done a “Pay it Forward”. That was a fun experience. One thing my kids remember the most we always picked a family in a different ward. The kids were to get 3 things for one of the people in that family. They had to get something to eat, something to wear, and something that was fun. They had to earn their budget. I was more generous paying for jobs that time of the year. On a FHE we would all go shopping. We came home and had a huge wrapping party. On Christmas Eve we would do the ditch and run. It was really snowing hard. We ended up with 2 trampolines that year. We decided we were going to give one of them to this family. The oldest kids weren’t out of high school. We were trying to put up a trampoline in the middle of the road ‘quietly’. We had to carry it down the road to this house. They carried the trampoline to the front door. To watch that family open the door and see what was there it was amazing! They talk about it and talk about it. They are all doing it in their families. We’ve almost been caught a couple of times. It still is magical. We’ve done missionaries that will write and sent our missionaries big boxes that they could hand out to children. Class member: My sister-in-law is on his mission in Guatemala. He was in such a scary location. His Mom just felt the need to help the best they could. They ended up taking their 5 kids to Mexico last year from Christmas. They told them that going was Christmas. They helped build an orphanage. Up front it looks like another job on the job list. You have to have faith first and do it before you see how it changes the lives of your children and you. If you want to do something really hard to the Twelve Days of Christmas. Continue to think about it and maybe you can make part of your Thanksgiving discussions. Class member: We finally finished our family mission statement. We wrote it in a poem form. I have 3 boys right now. Class member: I read over all the notes…the Service Continuum. How do you help the kids to get from the “I won’t” to the “I have to” to the “I want”? Teach it in a FHE. Give them an empty chart. You only have to move from one step to another. Help them to say “I want to” or “I will”. Verbalize when you are walking up to the next step. A lot of times our kids are on the “I won’t” then they look at perfection and they feel defeated and so do you. We need to help them move up a little at a time and help them fill value. Give them opportunities to serve. Do family service projects. It needs to be hard, but they can have fun together. Service is physical! They have to do it on all levels. For the family for each other. Class member: My family did service projects each year, but I didn’t get it until I was an adult. I remember how hard it was as an 8 year old child to give away candy. All of my kids were at a science fair. We were coming home and dressed nice. We drove past an elderly man in the ward and he had leaves everywhere in his yard. We didn’t have a lot of leaves. His yard was a blanket of leaves. They said, “Can we stop and rake leaves”. We pulled over. They raked the yard and they were filthy when we got home. They had fun in the leaves. You have to be creative and make it fun. Consistent little ones can be more powerful. It’s learning to live in gratitude which attitude produces service. You can do service and it’s a ‘job’. If you have service based on gratitude it is filled with joy. We should get involved in community service projects. Class member: A lot of the schools have leadership projects. You can always go with them. If you are looking for ideas. The bottom line is that you have to look for them. You have to want to teach service intentionally. Class member: There is a website www.justserve.org Mom, you are the one that has to do it and you have to find these opportunities to serve. Class member: Malary was getting ready to go on her mission and she asked Nate who works at the MTC what she can do to get ready to go on her mission. He said the best thing you can do is to go down once a week and serve at the soup kitchen. You need to be comfortable with reaching out to those not in your bubble. We need to get our children out of their comfort zones for people who need service and not in the ‘church’ circle. My challenge is…don’t just let service be just at this time of the year. Class member: There is someone in our ward who takes the little kids to all the widow’s homes and give them a rose on Valentine’s Day. We are living in a self entitled ‘selfie’ world. Our children are all worried about self. Being in that environment at school, church, and with peers we live in a ‘selfie’ environment. In order to teach our children to be Christ-like. Christ came to serve not to be served (in Matthew). You feel the Spirit prompt you and give you an answer. A few times in my life when I have really been seeking to know something I have had amazing answers. This ‘service’ was that moment when new light comes in. I really wanted to know if I had a spiritual report card what would be my grade. I wanted to know if I was getting there. I needed a measuring stick. I wanted to know ‘what do I need to do if I wanted to take that next step up?’ I wanted a report card even if I didn’t like what it said. I wanted to know how to change. I was seeking how I could be more Christ-like. The answer came in what I’m going to share with you today. I hope as you ponder it, it will become profound to you. I hope that you can see how to move forward and to judge myself. I think the key to becoming like Christ is in ‘service’. It’s how we serve other people. “There is nothing left for us to gain on our own if we receive and possess all that the Father has. He is the sole source of all authentic gifts, acquisitions, powers, and satisfactions. As we obtain all that it is possible to obtain through the Father’s promised blessings, the only option for more joy is to bless others with caring service. Once we have the gift of charity, once we have received all ordinances, and once we have claim on all blessings and all things from the Father, our only possible work and glory is to serve and bless others. To serve is our ultimate and eternal destiny.” (Elder V. Dallas Merrell, Ensign, December 1996) Once we have charity, and ordinance, and claim to the blessings….I think we are all in that. We have gone through the ordinance do we really understand it so that it is ‘through’ us. We are in the process of learning to have charity. Service is the process of becoming holy. You take a dinner over to someone that just had surgery. It didn’t make you feel holy it made you feel stressed. I feel like it’s just another thing on my to-do list. The key for service is the condition of your heart when you do the service. It’s not the act of service. Your self grading is on the condition of the heart when you do the service. Look at this Service Continuum and see where you are on it. A continuum is a none ending line. It’s continuous. When we talk about the Service Continuum because of what it represents. On this continuum we will NEVER get there in this life. Our goal it to get closer. Our process is to see where we are and where our children are and to help them move forward. When we are in the influence of Satan he doesn’t care if you think too much of yourself or you think too little of yourself. He wants you to always be thinking of yourself. The Service Continuum is a way to see how sucked into Satan’s plan you are into thinking about yourself. We aren’t in depression or pride thinking about ourselves. This helps you see maybe where you are. In every part of your life you may be in a different place in the continuum. You can be in one place in your church calling in YW, but lousy as a visiting teacher, good as a friend, but lousy as a mother. You can be in a different spot in every section of your life.
This is NOT an event is a process. You cannot go from being lousy to being really good. You just need to change percentages and go up the next step and then the next step. As you seek to do that you will be empowered to make those next steps. Just because you aren’t perfect doesn’t mean that you aren’t making process. I Won’t Will you take dinner to someone? Nope! Will you be the nursery leader? Nope! I won’t is…don’t ask me to. Why would you ask me to donate to Humanitarian I’m barely making it here. All you see is you and your needs and why it’s an imposition. This person lives by praise. Self value comes from what someone else gives to you, but they feel entitled to receive that. This is really pride and it’s I won’t. What is your first response? These people are quick to take offense and blame other people. They live in self pity mode. I want you to see that. Most of you aren’t like that. You are seeking to become and be better. You probably know people who are there. I Have to/I Need to… I need to be better at visiting teaching. I have to do temple work. This is Laman & Lemuel. They DID do it, but they complained the entire way. Everything is a burden. We look at joy as being “conditional”. When my kids are in school I’ll be happy. “I need to do that….” These people are not always dependable. Guilt! These people may not show up. They feel overwhelmed with life and procrastinate a lot. Some of you go there occasionally, but don’t live there. I have to do it, no one else will. These next 2 levels are more of a mental thing. You have to change the words you say in your mind. I Will (I’ll try)… The cop out is ‘I’ll try’. It’s your way of saying ‘no I won’t’. I will accept that calling because I’m not supposed to turn down a calling. This person really does desire to be good. Life is heavy. They carry a lot of guilt. Your kids will keep score…I will do that, but I want to be sure everyone else is doing their part too. I don’t want to do any more than anyone else. I will be a good wife. I gave him a treat last time so it’s your turn to do it for me. It’s a score keeping. I Want To… I want to have a calling. I don’t care what it is. I want to be a mother. I want to have these children. I want to be a wife. I want to make other people’s lives better. (From a Conference talk) What is the difference between the Humanitarian Services the world has and the church’s Humanitarian Services? Humanitarian Services in the world ‘want’ to help. They are living right there wanting to help and do and be. The difference is the next level. The next level is that you want all of that because of gratitude for what the Lord gave to you. Most of us live on the “I want” level May I…I Am Thankful… We do this because we appreciate the Atonement and serve out of love for the Savior. We serve because we love Him. I don’t think you can get in that last category without consciously studying the Savior and his life. We need to teach our children to serve like this. How do we get there by serving because we are thankful for. We provide service opportunities for our children, but they have to learn gratitude. They won’t jump levels if they are doing it out of obedience to you. It won’t change their heart. Gratitude is what softens the heart for them or you. GRATITUDE Gratitude is more than teaching your children to say ‘thank you’. Gratitude is the way you look at life. The goal is that the Gratitude is focused on the Savior. So you see all life and life experiences through the window of the Savior. “It has been said that the sin of ingratitude is more serious than the sin of revenge. With revenge, we return evil for evil, but with ingratitude we return evil for good.” (W. Eugene Hansen) Think about that in relationship to Heavenly Father. When we are not grateful for these gifts…we return even for good. The reason Heavenly Father commanded us in all things to be grateful is not because he wants glory. The reason is because gratitude heals the heart. D&C 59 In that experience the Lord commanded them they should have gratitude, sing, and give thanks in praise. When they were in the pit of despair the Lord says be grateful. Be grateful because gratitude heals the heart. Vs. 15 inasmuch as ye do these things with thanksgiving, with cheerful hearts and countenances, not with much laughter, for this is sin, but with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance-- When we express gratitude it opens up the door. The Roman Orator Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” (Marcus Tullius Cicero, Pro Plancio, 54 b.c.) President Faust ( Ensign, December 1996) said, “A grateful heart is the beginning of greatness. It is the expression of humility and the foundation for the development of:
How do you develop gratitude? “O Remember Remember” President Eyring “Tender Mercies” Elder Bednar Keep a daily journal of how you see the hand of the Lord in your life daily. Substituting the word “gratitude” for the word “faith”, James 2:17-18 would read: “Even so “gratitude,” if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea, a man may say, Thou hast “gratitude” and I have works: shew me thy “gratitude” without thy works, and I will shew thee my “gratitude” by my works.” Saying ‘thank you’ is gratitude without works. This is only manners. Write down 3 things you are thankful for… 1. 2. 3. Thanksgiving is made of 2 words….”thanks” and “giving”. The question is…because of what you have that you are thankful for what will you do. To give thanks is to do something Feb 2004 “Small Experiences” by Steven A West A fourth experience happened in 1957 in Portland, Oregon, where I served as a young missionary in the Northwestern States Mission. Several of us were walking from the mission home to the mission office a few blocks away. As we walked, a car stopped abruptly, and a man jumped out and ran toward us asking, “Are you preaching the gospel of Brigham?” We started to reply, “We are missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” when he handed us $9.00 and a box of saltwater taffy. Before we could give him back the money, he ran back to his car and drove away. We thought the experience was very unusual. Some months later in a multizone conference, a missionary told about an experience he and his companion had while waiting at a bus stop. A man stopped his car, jumped out, and gave them $7.00 and a box of peanut brittle, then drove off. Another missionary related a similar experience while tracting in a suburb of Portland, this time with $14.00 and a box of chocolate mints. The pattern continued as one missionary after another told similar stories, each involving various amounts of money and different types of candy; in all instances, the man left before much discussion could ensue. Finally, a missionary stood and told how he and his companion happened to know this man. As the elders were preparing to enter a bus station, a man, seeing they were missionaries for the Church, asked where they were going and if they needed a ride. Those being simpler and safer days, the missionaries accepted the offer and rode with him south through Oregon. During the course of that ride, their newfound friend gave them some money and candy, then told them this story: In 1932 he had been young and unemployed because of the Depression. While crossing the United States as a vagrant looking for work, he ventured to a town in the northern part of the Great Plains. Since it was Christmas Eve and he had no place to stay, he decided to crawl under a bridge to spend the night out of the snow. He found there were two people already there—two young men in coats and ties and white shirts with some packages on their laps. They were LDS missionaries who had just been to the post office to pick up Christmas packages sent to them by their families. Being too excited to wait until they arrived home, they had decided to get out of the snow and see what their families had sent. The missionaries invited the vagrant to join them under the bridge as they opened their packages. One of the missionaries received cookies and hand-knit gloves. The other received brownies, homemade candy, and a hand-knit scarf. As they sat under the bridge, they shared their treats with this man and then sang Christmas carols together. When the elders were ready to leave, they asked the man if he had a place to sleep. He told them he was used to staying outdoors and would be all right. They then said, “If you are going to stay here, you should take our cookies and brownies to eat as well as the scarf and gloves to keep you warm.” He protested, but they persisted, so he happily accepted the cookies, brownies, scarf, and gloves. The missionaries then left to go to their lodgings. The man told the two missionaries he was giving a ride to in 1957 that he had never forgotten that experience and had resolved to never pass LDS missionaries without giving them whatever cash he had in his pocket. And inasmuch as he was at that time a wholesale candy salesman, he could also share samples of his wares. He told the missionaries he had been doing this for years and years. When they asked if he was a member of the Church, he said he was not because his wife objected to it. But he added that if she ever consented, he would be most interested in joining. For 25 years, he had been sharing with our missionaries. Who knows how long thereafter he continued to do the same. That is giving with out remember and receiving without forgetting. That is gratitude. Because he was thankful for what those 2 elder’s had done he gave whatever was in his pocket and a box of candy in his pocket. He DID something! That’s living in gratitude. FINAL: This is connected with service and gratitude and lesson on work. Ponder these 3 lessons. Do a Christmas Service Project.
Example…if you pick a family to give Christmas to then your children need to work and earn the money and save it. If it means they have to go without ‘something’ at Christmas it’s worth it. They aren’t suffering. They are learning a valuable gift. I want this to take time. Think about it. Talk about it. Plan for it. I want you to live for the next 48 days until Christmas. You will have to discuss it as a family. Example…it doesn’t have to cost money, but it has to cost heart. You may choose to adopt a Grandma in a nursing home. It’s the opportunity to overcome that fear. Go sing for her, make a gift for her, play the piano for her. Example…serve several times in the soup kitchen. Example…do a project for the homeless shelter. If it’s not hard you won’t learn what there is to learn. I want it to be hard. Unless it is you won’t enjoy the sweetness of the blessing that will come after it is over. These become very sacred personal experiences. You need to plan it and record it. You need to write about the process of it. You will have flack along the way. Kids don’t like to do hard things. In the end the joy will be exquisite. Class member: When you asked us to write something every day that is the most helpful thing that has happened the last few days. It changes your heart and helps you. I was in the temple by myself. Lots of people come in with spouses. It’s very likely my husband may not be with me soon. I looked at all the little suitcases at the top and the Spirit said to be grateful for what you have. I understand more and more why that’s important. That is what I need and what my family needs right now is a grateful heart. It will change your life. I testify to you. The greatest gift is the Savior and his Atonement. When we begin to understand and appreciate it and we live in gratitude we will learn about all our Father in Heaven gave to us through His Son. I testify that if you accept this challenge it will be the sweetest experience you will have. It will be the greatest gift you can give your children and Him. Sacrifice beyond comfort to someone else. What have you learned from this past 10 weeks? What is your take away?
Class member: It’s more of a priority for me to get my kids to love to work. That’s what I’ve been really trying to focus on. Our background is that we have a blended family for the past 6 years. We have older kids. I didn’t focus on work and now I have kids leaving the house. My youngest 2 are going to be the ones I get right. I’ve learned it’s never to late to keep trying. As you work on the younger two you will be surprised how much it will influence the older ones. It’s never too late! I’m not teaching new doctrine. This is application of the truths we already know. Hopefully we see them in a motivating light. Class member: I noticed that I am a lot more patient with my children. I didn’t really come here for a list of things to do. I came for a spiritual experience. I have really appreciated that. I came to work on myself. As a result of working on myself I teach out of love and purpose. My frustration and anxiety levels are much lower. I don’t think you can ever stop working on yourself in a spiritual way. It’s amazing how many people say I came to learn about my children, but I left learning about me. Class member: It’s helped me identify specific “parenting” things. It’s given me the fact that Parenting can be fun. Let’s make an activity to detract from the ‘learning’ part of it. It should be. This is the greatest gift Heavenly Father can give you. Being a parent is the greatest. Class member: The example of living gratitude. I want to make sure my kids know that I love being a mother. I think that I need to change my attitude. I’m learning how I need to change me. I think a lot of us thing we are really happy being a mom. We don’t want to be single or without kids, but we just don’t always radiate the joy of being a Mom. We need to smile more Part of it is turning life into joy. You can have fun with it. Class member: I loved the family mission statement. We did ours 5-6 weeks ago. It’s been amazing to be able to pull from that. I don’t have it memorized yet, but we are working on it. It’s been great to draw from that. ‘ You have to use it after you write it. Class member: I have missed the past 2 classes. I was sitting there thinking about all the things that I have to do. I was thinking that my 8 year old hasn’t ever done the dishes. So I pulled him in and I pulled him in and had him start working with him. We talked about it. He wasn’t very happy to begin with. Class member: My oldest is 4. She likes to work and do things with me. One morning she didn’t come in the kitchen and help one morning and she decided she wouldn’t eat them because she hadn’t helped. It’s easy, but sometimes it’s so annoying. Class member: I’m feeling excited about gratitude and service. I hosted part of a progressive dinner for all the YW. We had about 50 people in my house last night. My daughter that is a Laurel was about to do the devotional in our home. We have been trying to focus on that. She is seeing it in fasting and praying. She is also a Family History working. We are talking about that and reading scriptures. We need the blessings from doing the work for them. We have spray painted leaves gold and every night we write someone’s name on it of someone that blesses their lives, then clipping it with a clothespin to twine as a garland. Class member: It’s interesting to see how my daughter craved the attention. Class member: There have been a lot of things. I find myself thinking…did I just do that? Just being here and being reminded and hearing in a different way. On a daily basis I have been evaluating myself. We have always done FHE from the General Conference issue. We got those for them this time and they have highlighters. My daughter did FHE from her Ensign. I can’t come next time, but I will follow the blog. The kids take ownership and want to know what’s in it. So many paydays. Class member: You know when you have little kids and go to church and you end up in the hall and you think why am I even here. My kids are older. This class is a real grounding tool to keep real expectations. My kids ‘know’, but they don’t just do it. You don’t see the paydays until after they leave. I still have to go check their jobs. You still have to role play saying 3 nice things about the person. The purpose is not to ‘get it’. We keep teaching those correct principles and the payday is further down the road. My missionary kids are seeing ‘why’ we did the things we did. There is a huge difference between knowing it in your head and knowing it in your heart. Class member: I feel like the Lord has been telling me the same things over and over…read your scriptures, say your prayers. This year the class has punched me in the face and I’ve worked hard on making my prayers more meaningful. We have been reading the scriptures each day. Before it was “I should”. This year it was “I have time”. My own personal study is better. I’ve heard all of it and I know all of it. I just haven’t done it. He doesn’t want to offend. Sometimes they have a harder time standing up. You struggle with them. I keep telling Tracy this kid is fabulous. I can see him different. He doesn’t want to be with the adults. He goes and plays with the kids. You have these ‘payday’ moments. Tracy…at mutual last night the youth are in charge of the ward Christmas Party. They are having the youth act out the nativity. We have this lady that is a little intense working with them. They assigned parts last night. They have a part for a boy where they need to sing a whole song by themselves. After a couple of minutes Cody said I will do it because I know no one else will do it. He is so afraid that he will croak in the song. He has the confidence to handle it. The sibling just above him played the lead in the school musical and stole the show. His older sister does piano and performances. Cody doesn’t profess to sing. For him to do this…building self esteem, gratitude, service…that’s what it looks like when they got it. It doesn’t mean they don’t still have growing up pains. He is well founded. He will make good choices. We sometimes get so tunnel visioned that we forget to look at how fabulous they are. They know that they are making good choices. GratitudeGratitude is something that is learned. Children come into the world very self focused. We have to teach them to think out. Our society is very self focused….What’s in it for me? Am I having fun? Little things are causing riots because you didn’t say something right. I want to be angry and a cause to be mad at. None of it is for the benefit of the masses. I want to be in power and in control. All selfish. When we teach gratitude that is the beginning point, the foundation, the place, that all other positive attributes spring from. When I first heard that I had to ponder on that for along time. I do believe it now. Think about humility. Why are you humble? Because you are grateful for the service someone else has given you. Gratitude causes a softening of the heart. All the other virtues can grow out of a soft heart. You think about any positive attribute and see if you can really have it without being grateful. If there is an absence of gratitude then…. President James E. Faust said, “As gratitude is absent or disappears, rebellion often enters and fills the vacuum. I refer to rebellion against moral cleanliness, beauty, decency, honesty, reverence, and respect for parental authority.” (“Gratitude as a Saving Principle”, Ensign December 1996, pg 2) Because that’s true…if you have contention, rebellion, children that say “That’s not fair”., what’s missing….Gratitude. That void that comes will be filled by these hard hearted traits. The key is that we need to consciously teach gratitude. We tend to teach that if you want something, “make me a Santa list” You take your kids to the store and they are being good they ask if they can have a package of donuts and they say can I have a sucker at the next store. Because it’s not expensive and it’s not a sacrifice to us we tend to give it to them. Just because something isn’t wrong doesn’t mean that it’s right. We tend to overindulge our children. We allow them to live at the level of least resistance and then we complain. All we require is that level of least resistance. As they live there they develop the feeling of entitlement. When they start having this attitude of gratitude their heart softens they become more compliant. Pg 90---at the bottom….actual physical attributes, tangible things that come when you have a grateful heart. A grateful heart is not just saying thank you. When you are grateful you see the good, you experience the good, you look to the good. Examples of living in gratitude: Over the years, I have had the opportunity to work with the young women in the church. I have been concerned about how many of them are not interested in “growing up to be mothers”. When I ask them “why”, they say because it isn’t fun. Their mothers complain no one will help and how discouraging it is to just do the same dishes and wash the same clothes over and over again. Their mother’s murmur about how hard it is to have children that do not obey and help enough. It is no wonder these young women do not want to grow up to be mothers. This is certainly not an attitude of gratitude for the blessing of motherhood. Winnie Dalley shares her grateful view of motherhood in the Ensign of March 1998. “The young mother says: “I can’t wait until my kids are older and off to school. I know I chose to become a mother, but sometimes I just feel so trapped. My whole life revolves around dirty diapers, crying kids, and unending housework. I hesitate to speak, for fear of sounding insensitive. I can understand those feelings. “But don’t you see,” I yearn to say, “that the present, unsavory though it sometimes appears, is in reality most precious and delicious? There is perhaps nothing more delightful than the sound of a little child’s laugh, nothing more genuine than a little child’s hug, nothing more pure than a little child’s love and nothing more sacred than a little child’s trust. Motherhood is not a burden to be borne; it is a privilege to be enjoyed. It is not a trial of endurance; it is a time of celebration.” The difference between the two viewpoints is not the amount of work, or the tasks required, it is in the condition of the heart. The first mothers are counting their trials and Winnie is counting her blessings. The attitude of the mother has a great impact on the training of the hearts of the children. This is the Nephi vs Laman/Lemuel experience in the wilderness. The Mom chooses to count her blessing IN the experience. Class member: My Mom always said, “Being a Mom is always an adventure.” Adventures don’t always go right. My goal is that I hope you go away being thankful you are a Mom. It is the best blessing. It is the greatest gift God can give us in this life. D&C 59:7 “Thou shalt thank the Lord in all things. (not just the good things) D&C 59:21 “In nothing doth man offend God, or against none is His wrath kindled, save those who confess not His hand in all things, and obey not His commandment. When we take things for granted we offend God. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Rejoice always, pray constantly, and give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus.” The Roman Orator Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” (Marcus Tullius Cicero, Pro Plancio, 54 b.c.) It’s interesting that the Lord had COMMANDED us to thank him in ALL things. Corey Tenbloom talks about thanking him for the fleas. Having the fleas was what kept the guards from coming in and allowing them to read the Bible they had snuck in. Pray for the understanding. Class member: If you took everyone’s problems and put them in a pile you would take yours back. Joseph Smith said if we would thank the Lord with all our hearts we would find ourselves in heaven. President Faust ( Ensign, December 1996) said, “A grateful heart is the beginning of greatness. It is the expression of humility and the foundation for the development of:
James 2:17-18 Substituting the word “gratitude” for the word “faith”, James 2:17-18 would read: “Even so “gratitude,” if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea, a man may say, Thou hast “gratitude” and I have works: shew me thy “gratitude” without thy works, and I will shew thee my “gratitude” by my works.” You can say I have gratitude and I will send a thank you note. I can do that without having gratitude. I can do it because it’s socially appropriate things to do. We have to show you my gratitude by my works. Thanksgiving is made up of 2 words….Thanks….and….giving. Thanks is a noun. Giving is a verb. When we talk about giving thanks. A verb is an action word. The verb ‘to give’. What are you going to do to ‘give’/show thanks? Example: If you are grateful for food, you might choose to share it with someone by taking in a meal, donating to the food bank, or working for a few hours at a soup kitchen. Example: If you are grateful for your home, you may decide to try to keep it a little neater. Example: If you are grateful for your family, you might write each of them a note or have a one-on-one session with each of them to tell them how much you love them and some of the things you think are wonderful about them. If you want to do something hard that you can go in with each child individually and you kneel down with them and ask if you can be the voice for the prayer. You begin your prayer by telling Heavenly Father how thankful you are to the child. Ask that the Holy Spirit testify to the child and then talk about the things you see in the child and why you are grateful. Gratitude is a way of living. You will develop love and gratitude through service. ServiceI went through a period of time where I felt very much in need of knowing where I was on the spiritual continuum. Is what I’m doing moving me forward as I tumble? I just needed to know (a confirmation) a rubric not to know how I am right now, but how to I progress. I needed a visual. Not just “be faithful, keep the commandments…” I spent a lot of time praying that Heavenly Father would teach me something I could use to be this visual for me. He blessed me with an answer. That’s what I’m sharing with you here. It’s personal, but it’s also general. I feel like any time you read the scriptures, go to the temple, and look at the highest ordinance in the temple is consecration. Consecration is giving everything…you, your time, soul, thoughts, feelings to the Lord. I went to an education week and listened to a speaker “I finally reached a point in my life where I could give myself to the Lord (that’s consecration).” I thought…I want to be there. I still take my temperature too much. I just hadn’t reached that point yet. How do you do that? How do you overcome the natural man to the point that you can just say use me whenever you want? How do make my heart, my soul and my mind to that’s what I am? The key to becoming Christlike is the heart you have when you serve. The Savior came to earth with a mission to serve. He came to give his life for us and he knew that. He also came to live his life for us. From the time of his ministry at 30 until he died at 33, every portion of his life was given to someone else. He never said I’m just too tired tonight to heal the cripple. Bring him back in the morning. In America there was 2400 people at the temple. Even 10 seconds per person it would have been 8 hours that he stood there. He came to serve and not to be served. When we start having a harder heart it’s because usually we have to serve when we don’t want to. I think if you really want to know the true test of the living spirituality I think this is it. To find where you are on the Service Continuum is where you are. What is a Continuum? It’s like a time line without beginning or end. This is the condition of your heart. It’s going to continue to grow past this life and keep on growing. It’s not a matter of feeling like you are ‘there’. Where do I go if I choose to step up and ‘go’ somewhere. This doesn’t make me feel guilty it makes me feel hopeful. In every part of your life you are in a different part of your life….personally, sibling, church calling, spouse, wife, friend, daughter, mother…you are different in every role in your life. HOMEWORK: Study them and read them.
As you get more gratitude your heart changes and grows. You grow spiritually. I Won’t---This person lives in entitlement. It’s totally self focused. It expects other people to help you. You should be serving me because I have such a heavy burden. Example: A few years ago I was sitting in a wonderful Relief Society lesson on charity. As the lesson progressed I was impressed with the comments made by “Sister Jones”. Her remarks added to the lesson as she bore her testimony to the principle of charity. After the lesson was over, the Relief Society President stood up and shared an invitation for service. She said there was a non-member woman who lived in the ward boundaries, new to the area and she needed some help. She had just had a baby followed by a brain aneurism that was very serious. The lady was in the hospital, her husband had to work and they needed someone to watch this new baby night and day. Her neighbor had been talking to her about the church before the baby had been born and they wondered if anyone in the church could help them. They did not know where to turn. The father would come to visit but he could not keep the baby at night and still work and be able to visit with his wife. They did not know how long it would be and they did not know anyone in town. As the President was telling us about this woman, “Sister Jones”, who was sitting in back of me whispered to the lady next to her and said, “I don’t know why we have to tend that baby. That is too much to ask us to stay up all night with a new baby. They need to get one of their neighbors to do it. We don’t even know her.” I was shocked to hear her after all the vocal testimony she had given. Even though she knew about the principle of charity, when it came down to acting she would not. I was privileged to take that baby into our home for the next four weeks and what a great blessing it was to our family. I Have To---Laman/Lemuel they did leave, but they murmured the whole time. I Will/I’ll Try---Can you make it to help with our meeting? I’ll try. I’ll do it, but not with real intent. Yes…I’ll do it. You do it. I Want To---You are dependable. You want to be a good mother. This is a good level. This is where most of us live. The key is that there is a HUGE step to the next level. The next level is based on gratitude to the Savior. That is the core. Because of that I want to serve. May I---The Savior becomes the focus of your life. This level can only be achieved if you do deep study of the Atonement and know the meaning of the Atonement. When we reach that point we will turn our lives over to him. Class member: Our camp cook said, “This camp food is filled with my love of our Savior and this is why I am here to serve you” This is where you say…May I serve? May I be your hands below? Most of us will have those experiences from time to time. The goal is to shorten those spaces between then so we can live there. You have to study the Atonement, pray every day, read scriptures every day, attend the temple regularly. As you slip doing those things you will slip back to the “I want to” level. The goal is to keep moving up. The next time some asks you to take a dinner in note your response. If I say in my mind say “I will”…make it a verbal in your mind. You are training yourself to hit the next level. If you mope in the “I have to” level you can repent and change directions. Ask for forgiveness and verbally put in your mind to move up. Class member: A couple years back I was talking to some friends of mine. I said I have to go home and take dinner to someone. I said I guess I do make them a lot. I am asked to do it a lot. At some point it’s going to come around and I will need it. I happened to be making a meal for someone who is not a member. I called our RS president and said I have a hot meal ready who needs it. At that time our relationship was struggling (me and this mother) I held back for a minute, but finally did it. That little act of service was a way for us to mend our bridges. She showed such gratitude to me for something that wasn’t planned at all. When I was pregnant with my baby I was on bed rest for 4 months. For those 4 months I had meals brought in 3 nights a week for dinner and every day for lunch. Because I was willing to serve I could see the blessings coming back to me. Tracy’s husband was out of work with 6 kids at home. That’s hard. You could say…How come us? We are doing everything. OR with a heart of gratitude every sign up that went around in 9 months she signed up for. She set up and took down for every activity. They took meals in. I asked her once about it. She said, “Mom I’m so grateful to Heavenly Father and I need his blessings so much that I need to serve everyone I can.” She kept a journal of it. Those become sacred moments when we live on “May I…” It wasn’t complaining about what I don’t have. HOMEWORK: I hope you accept the challenge after the lessons on Work, Gratitude, and Service. I want you to commit to do something hard. It needs to be a bit painful. It can be time or money or whatever, but you give until it’s uncomfortable. Figure out a Christmas project. It can be taking on a family to take in Christmas. If that’s your choice you may have the money in your pocket, but you can’t just give your kids the money to go buy it. You need to set up a fund raising as a family. The purpose is to create a service project that is based on love for the Savior. Gratitude for his offering. That only comes if we do something that is difficult, that we sacrifice even as he sacrificed. You may decide to adopt a grandma at a nursing home. That will put everyone out of comfort. You may decide to go serve at the soup kitchen. Maybe you will go down to the VA. Maybe you have an assisted living in your ward. Talk to your family about it. Pray about it. It needs to be a gift of consecration to Him for all that He has given you. If you choose to do it you will have the most profound holiday season that you have ever had. I testify that these things are true in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
Marriage is next week. I decided we aren’t going to do any of those this week…the other 3 (self esteem, morality, stress/adversity). I went to Ontario, OR and did an all day women’s conference and I’m going to share with you what I taught over there. Who can tell me the story of Esther in the Old Testament? Esther was a Jewish girl. She was an orphan. Her parents died and her uncle raised her. The king wanted a new queen so word went out and women were selected and were trained for a year in how to be a queen. They were adorned with everything. Esther said she didn’t want that. She didn’t feel comfortable for that. They all went one at a time and were presented before the king. Esther stood out and he married her. She lived in the palace. One of the kings head leaders Haman was a proud man and he loved power and authority. He demanded that everyone bow down to him and Mordecai wouldn’t. Haman was going to have all the Jews killed. He told the king this tale about how they were bad. The king agreed. All the Jews were to be killed on a certain day. Mordecai told her about the plan and told her that this was the opportunity to save her people. There was also a law in the land that you can’t go before the king without an invitation. The penalty was death. Esther said if Mordecai would get the Jews together and fast then she and her handmaids would fast. “If I perish I perish.” She fasted for 3 days and dressed and went before the king. He held out his hand to her which meant she could come. She invited the king and Haman to a feast. They came to her feast. It was great. As the feast is coming to a close, Esther tells the king she is a Jew and about the plan. The king is angry. Haman is killed and Mordecai receives great respect in the kingdom. Her purpose was that she was saved for this day for a certain purpose. “Creating Places of Security” by Virginia Jensen (October 1997) Think of all the gays, divorce, premarital sex, living together, abortions, think about now…evil threatens to engulf our world. You were held to come forth at this time because of who you were. You came because you proved yourself President Ezra T Benson… (this fireside address was given at Brigham Young University on 4 March 1979.) The general authorities have said this is as bad or worse than the days of Noah or Soddom and Gommorah. Ours it to prepare to meet God. President Spencer W. Kimball “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters” October 1978…. Russell M Ballard “Women of Righteousness” April 2002 Then the question is if that is who you really are, “How come when you went into the mirror this morning you didn’t say, Wow! I’m so awesome. I was saved for today.” You don’t feel like that fits you. This is you. Stop buying into Satan’s advertisement. That isn’t you. Story: “Give Me Your Pearls” He was waiting for her to give up the dime store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. Heavenly Father wants you to give up the dime store image you have of yourself so he can give you the real image of who you are. Not who you can become. Not who you might be. Not if you pray 7 more times a week or 20 minutes longer. It’s what you are right now. You have the gifts. You have been saved to come now because of who you already are. It’s Satan who doesn’t want you to believe in who you really are. Why is it that we look at everyone else and say they are better than me. We have to stop comparing. The reason is because women feel the same, think the same, hurt the same, are lonely the same. We have different experiences, but what is inside of us is the same. It doesn’t matter what we look like. The inside of women is the same because we came given the same gifts and responsibilities and we are all living in a wicked world. We tend to build walls around ourselves because we are the only one. We want to appear to have no cracks and no flaws. We shut each other out. Part of that is because of last weeks lesson on communication. Often it’s because it shuts doors and we are afraid of how they will be received. People need to feel safe to talk with you. If there is no one that can relate in this room when we are done I need to talk to you. Story: “Torture of Buying a Bathing Suit” I love that story because it’s the only story that unites women. You can relate to this story. Some of us more than others can relate. There is a commonality between women. The Lord intended for us to live in a very wicked world. The interesting thing is that he intended for us to be joyful. If we are going to be in a wicked place how are we going to find joy. Is the Lord giving us 2 opposites that are impossible to attain? No. Which road map are we following. If we are miserable like unto Satan whose road map are we following? If you are joyful whose roadmap are you following? By their fruits you shall know them. That’s the roadmap you are following. Satan’s road map with you (it’s different with children and husband) is to keep you focused on the great and spacious building. When you look to the world to tell you what happiness, success, and joy are then you are focused on the great and spacious building. When you look to the Lord then you are holding onto the rod. For women we need to find out whose road map we are following seeking to get to a good eternal end. Are we being led away a bit in the fog and mist? Scientifically he will tell you that this is true. It’s in Ted Talks on Youtube “Shawn Achor” “The Happiness Advantage” (12 minutes long). He is not LDS. Joy is not free. There is a price to pay. The price is being on the path. You have to have a ticket to get on the path. If you do these things you actually affect the chemistry in the brain. He will tell it to you scientifically. I will tell it to you by the gospel. If you will do these 5 things daily for 21 days it will change your brain waves. You can reprogram yourself to be happy. They make all the difference in the world. 1. Joy comes as you learn to live in the present. “In the Music Man…Professor Hill you pile up enough tomorrows and you will find you have collected empty yesterday. There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today. “Horace…whatever hour God has blessed you with take it with grateful hand…in whatever place you have been you may say you have lived happily. Elder Ballard “Daughters of God” April 2008 I will be happy when the kids are in bed. I’ll be happy when…. We postpone when we train ourselves to be happy. We train ourselves to never be happy because we are never ‘there’. Happiness is a destination that we can’t make it to. Living in the moment means we celebrate the now. I remember my daughter had a child get into the flour. The child was covered in flour. She stopped and took pictures of it. That’s celebrating the now. Even when they are doing ornery things they celebrate the now. HOMEWORK: 1. Every night write in a journal write one positive thing that happened in the day. This allows you to relive that positive. As you continue to do that you train your brain to look for the positives. 2. Everyday record 3 gratitudes. Presidents Eyrings Talk “Remember Remember”. The power comes in writing them. As you write them you imprint them in your mind and soul. Something positive in the now experience 3. Get involved in Service every day. Random acts of service. Elder Bednar will sit in sacrament meeting and will look out over the ward and pray that the spirit will help her know someone that needs her this week. You do the do. Don’t be afraid to do the do. They can be big things. They can be little things. Everyone needs to be loved. Sometimes those you think are most loved are the loneliest because everyone thinks they are so loved that no one expresses love for them. Don’t ever assume that someone looks so self sufficient that they don’t need it. Don’t diminish your acts of service. Don’t demean yourselves. The Lord can’t give you the joy in the service if you are demeaning it. I want you to know ways the Lord uses you. You become his angels of mercy when you kiss the child’s skinned knee. You become his hands when you take his children one by one. When you sing away a nightmare. When you bear your testimony verbally. When you pray for your children and your friends by name and ask for heavens protection. When you listen to someone recount their burdens. You can carry them with them for a moment. You become the servant of the Lord by doing that. You just hold someone and help them feel loved. When you kneel in gratitude for your blessings. When you give thanks for knowing you are his daughter and he loves you. Service can be to anyone, but it is given with a joyful heart. It’s not given as a duty or an assignment. It’s given with joy. When it is you receive joy. Class member: I always keep telling myself that it’s not my season right now to do the service. I have too many little kids. Sitting here just the little things. It was giving me that excuse. When you go to the Lord with a willing heart the Lord will show you something you can do to serve. Class member: My parents left yesterday for a couple weeks. I never appreciated what they did to help me. Yesterday I had to take both my kids to the doctor. This lady helped me hold the baby while I went and got my daughter. I realized that I need to be more appreciative of my parents. 4. Exercise. It doesn’t have to be go to the gym for an hour. Take a 20 minute walk. Do something physical. That process gets the endorphins running. It makes you feel good. It makes you more successful in everything you do. Your energy goes up. You are a better mother. Your mind works better. Your mind clears. As much as I dislike exercise it needs to be a daily part of being happy. It doesn’t need to be something. Class member: I’ve been working on that this school year. I have a 14 year old that has started asking questions about how you feel. He said how have you been feeling. Has your exercise thing been working for you. I feel like you are a lot less grumpy. I have really noticed that. That’s kind of funny. The fact that he noticed is huge. Class member: Here is a question for anyone to answer? Exercise at night? Class member: It’s not a good thing because your brain will be going and going….you will be awake. You will feel better because you are exercising. It’s best to do it in the morning. Class member: I agree with that it’s better in the morning, but any exercise is good. I always do it with someone too is because it helps with companionship. I can talk it out without those angry feelings. My husband has been the same way. He says you want to go running. Class member: I read about this in a running magazine. While it depends on who you are. I can exercise and be down for the night. Those who exercise in the morning have more of a fulfilling day than those who exercise at night. But exercise when you can. 5. Read your scriptures and say your prayers. Invite the Lord into your everyday. Heavenly Father wants us to be happy, but just like everything it’s not just a to do list to Heavenly Father to make us happy. He will tell us what to do to make ourselves happy. He made this body. Some of us take care of it better than others. He knows what it is that creates joy. He is saying I will help you through and give you strength to do everything if you turn to me and ask me. I will lead you and guide you. I will go before your face. I will send angels to buoy you up (D&C 88). It’s not a free gift. We have to do these things to earn the gift. I challenge you to do it for 21 days…starting today. I know the Lord has given us the answers. I know when we are miserable. I don’t think we are supposed to be laughing through the hard times, but even with the hardest times he will walk us through it. We can see his hand in it and see his face and now there is an end to Carthage. There is a way over Rocky Ridge. That knowledge can bring us joy. Elder Russell M Ballard “Women of Righteousness” April 2002 “Every sister who stands for truth and righteousness diminishes the influence of evil. Every sister who strengthens and protects her family is doing the work of God. Every sister who lives as a woman of God becomes a beacon for others to follow and plants seeds of righteous influence that will be harvested for decades to come. Every sister who makes and keeps sacred covenants becomes an instrument in the hands of God.” Celebrate it. It describes you. |
Carleen Tanner
Notes from classes and other information will be posted here. Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared. You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question. Archives
September 2019
Andrea Hansen
I will be posting my class notes from Thursday Parenting Class within a few days after class.
Categories
All
|