Homework: 

• Read "Talking to Youth About Pornography" Ensign July 2007 Dan Gray
• Jones Tech University---email [email protected] for more information. 
• Read/Print/Save for the future "Dating Academy" Ensign August 2017 By Matthew O. Richardson
• Do a FHE lesson from one of the 5 lessons on Overcomingpornography.org   On the left side of the screen it lists the 5 FHE lessons. 

ADDITIONAL LINKS:

• Sunshine & Hurricanes Technology 101---One way to teach your kids.
• CommonSenseMedia.org---to check review on movies, books, & games.
• Ever Accountable---an accountability software.  No filters, but really good for older kids to allow them some freedom.  You still have to spend a lot of time reviewing the reports.
• Net Nanny---a good filter software.
• GoodReads.com--To review books
• www.lyrics.com--Review lyrics to songs 
• https://www.scouting.org/training/youth-protection/cyber-chip/---Good place for digital teaching lessons.
• Understand abbreviations kids are using in texts and online…. www.urbandictionary.com

​

MORALITY
 
What does it mean to be ‘morally clean’?  Do our youth really understand what that means?  They feel like if they haven’t had intercourse they are morally clean.  Our children get this stuff in their lives from TV, the world.  They become desensitized to what is right or wrong.  The world will never teach them specifics.  Some bishops are really good talking to youth and some have a really hard time. We need to teach these things with real intent. 
 
In teaching it we don’t want to teach to the dark side.  We don’t want to create curiosity in their mind about what it is.  We want to focus on the light.   When our kids are involved in any of this the thing that heals them is to bring them to the light.  Light and darkness cannot be in the same place.  We need to teach on a foundation of light.  We need to teach correct doctrine.
 
What is the doctrine we are teaching? We should start teaching morality about age 2.  The plan of salvation is the doctrine.  You had gender before.  It’s where you are going.  Inside that is the doctrine of the family.  In teaching this doctrine we teach the ‘why’ instead of a list of rules.  If we can get them to internalize the doctrine of the plan of salvation their testimony of the light will keep them in the light.  The foundation is to help them from a very young age.  We really need to teach this in the young years. 
 
Top & Chadwick---what are those things that most prevent kids from getting into bad stuff.  They did a study.  It was the religiousity of the family and the relationship of the child with the parents. 
 
You need to have a Christ centered home.  It’s who you are.  Also need that close relationship with the individual child.  We’ve talked about all the tools to build these things.  Having family dinners together helps keep them from getting into bad stuff. 
 
Don’t teach this to your children out of fear!  Teach it out of strong testimony of the doctrine.  We need to put the protection in our homes.  It’s not as fear.  We want to stand as a warrior and be armed.  The filters are armor.  You do it out of conviction and testimony.  If you do it out of fear they will feel that fear.  They read that ‘you expect me to get in trouble.’
 
Heavenly Father ALWAYS gives us a commandment and will tell us how to do it.  He has given us a hand book, but we don’t always use it.  I’m talking about establishing a home that is a fortress.  This is preparing the Nephites before they went to war.  You are preparing your Stripling Warriors before they go to battle with Moroni.
 
My Gospel Standards---This is the child’s version of the For The Strength of Youth.

• I will follow Heavenly Father’s plan for me.
• I will remember my baptismal covenant and listen to the Holy Ghost.
• I will choose the right. I know I can repent when I make a mistake.
• I will be honest with Heavenly Father, others, and myself.
• I will use the names of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ reverently. I will not swear or use crude words.
• I will do those things on the Sabbath that will help me feel close to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
• I will honor my parents and do my part to strengthen my family.
• I will keep my mind and body sacred and pure, and I will not partake of things that are harmful to me.
• I will dress modestly to show respect for Heavenly Father and myself.
• I will only read and watch things that are pleasing to Heavenly Father.
• I will only listen to music that is pleasing to Heavenly Father.
• I will seek good friends and treat others kindly.
• I will live now to be worthy to go to the temple and do my part to have an eternal family.

 
This has to be an active part of the family.  If we talk about a movie what are we going to evaluate it against….Gospel Standards & For Strength of Youth (FSOY).
 
My son was teaching early morning seminary.  There was a movie that came out that was very popular movie as well as the book.  Mothers and daughters were doing it together, reading the books & then watching the movies.  FSOY says, “Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in anything that presents immorality or violence as acceptable.” Read the review of Twightlight. 
 
If you read the book does it make it right?  Just because everyone is reading it doesn’t mean that it is acceptable to the Lord. 
 
I have a son who is a bishop in a very active place.  He said 100% of his youth have been involved with pornography.  That doesn’t mean they are all addicted.  They have been involved and seen it.  Those that are strong turn away from it.  Those that are curious or haven’t been taught get sucked in more.  The age it starts is about 9. 
 
We can’t live in a bubble and think our kids aren’t being exposed. 
 
What is a definition of morality?  We think it is being chaste, pornography, etc.  We need to teach on the positive.  Morality is a feeling of reverence and respect for sacred things.  That includes the body, the temple, the church house, sacred moments in sacrament meeting.  Morality is a feeling of reverence and respect.  That is lacking in a lot of our homes and families where we are. 
 
LDS.orgàOvercoming pornography.orgàClick on resourcesàFHE.  There are 5 FHE lessons created by the church as a preventative beginning to help teach our children.  FHE Lessons
 
Class member:  Our Stake President just got up and told us about these resources. 
 
FHE is a good place to teach the family.  You must have specific questions as your children get older at PPI’s.  The bishop shouldn’t be the one that says, “Are you in pornography?”  The parents should be doing it. 
 
You feel like you are invading your children’s privacy.  Your kids will say, “Don’t you trust me?”  No, I don’t trust the world.  You have the right to declare before your Father in Heaven to declare that they are clean.  This process will go on until they die.  You declare your worthiness in your temple recommend interview. 
 
I want you to know and remember in my era it was ‘Have you had “the talk” with your kids?’  It can’t be a one time thing.  You need to have a one time thing, but then you need to have these talks often. 
 
Electronics (Andrea Hansen)
 
Sister Tanner has talked a lot about “Intentional Parenting”.  My question to you is this… “What is your reason behind putting a filter on your kid’s phone and/or internet?” I have had people close to me tell me that I am WAY too strict and shelter my children too much.  I started to question myself.  Maybe I was too strict in what we allowed and didn’t allow.  Maybe I was too strict with the limited time we allowed them screen time.  Maybe I should ‘trust’ my kids more.  I drove myself crazy for awhile going back and forth.  I finally decided after a lot of prayer and time in the temple and thinking and talking with my husband that what some people consider ‘too strict’ was ok with me.  What we do in our home is what we feel necessary to protect our children. 
 
If you lived right next to a busy road would you leave your front door unlocked and allow your 4 year old child to run around in the front yard by the road  without being right there?  For me the answer is absolutely not!  You would first sit down with them and explain the dangers that were there (the cars go too fast, you are too little they can’t see you, you could get hurt).  Then you would talk about safety precautions that they should take (never go out front by the road without an adult, never chase a ball in the road, watch for danger, listen for cars, pay attention to everything around you).  Then you would make sure your front door was locked and the gate to your yard was closed.  You would be sure that you were in the front yard with them watching them very carefully the entire time they were out there.  You wouldn’t turn your back on them or talk on the phone or be distracted by other things.  But, you also wouldn’t keep them locked in the house and never allow them outside.  There are too many things they would miss. 
 
I think we should treat the internet the very same way. 
 
President Hinckley said this, “You are the guardians of the hearth. You are the bearers of the children. You are they who nurture them and establish within them the habits of their lives. No other work reaches so close to divinity as does the nurturing of the sons and daughters of God. May you be strengthened for the challenges of the day. May you be endowed with wisdom beyond your own in dealing with the problems you constantly face. May your prayers and your pleadings be answered with blessings upon your heads and upon the heads of your loved ones.”  (Given at the same time he read the Family Proclamation)
 
So the first thing to do is to teach your children about the internet.  What they can and can’t do.  What they should and shouldn’t do.  Some things we have done….

• Teach them how to search online for relevant information..  How to look at the search results that pop up and decide which ones would be good ones to look at that are reliable sources.  Teach them to read 2 or 3 different sites to see if the information sounds the same from the different results. 
• Teach them how to search for images online to add to reports or power point presentations.  Make sure that they know all the pictures that show up in the results are not good ones.  Never go past the 2nd page when you are scrolling through picture results.  The images get worse the farther down the page you go. 
• Teach them to look up reviews on books they are wanting to read before they read them.  I use www.goodreads.com.  This allows you to see the books you have read and rate them.  It allows you to track the books that you own.  After you have rated 20 books it will give you suggestions of other books you might like based on things you have already read.  There is a synopsis, review and comments for most books listed.
• Teach them to look up review on movies they want to see.  I use www.commonsensemedia.org.  This website shows what ages the movie would be good for.  It has a section called “What Parents Need To Know” It lists things like “Educational Value”, “Positive Messages”, “Positive Role Models”, “Violence and Scariness”, “Sexy Stuff”, “Language”, “Consumerism”, and “Drugs, drinking, and Smoking”.  It rates the movie in each category and give very specific details about what kinds of words are contained in the movies, is there kissing, how scary is the movie.  It also has a “What families can talk about” section.  It gives you lots of suggestions of things to discuss with your kids.  Lots of questions to ask to get a conversation going about a movie.
  • This website also has the same type of thing for books, TV, games, apps, and websites.  I haven’t used it for any of those. 
  • If you want to see how your values stack up against what “Commonsensemedia” says go look at the reviews for several movies that you have seen recently.  Do some of the Disney cartoons, do some of the other and see if their opinions closely match yours.  I did this with about 10 shows before I would really trust that ‘most’ of what they say in the review I agree with.  I still don’t always agree with what they consider ‘age appropriate’, but otherwise they have been pretty right on with everything.
• Use the Boy Scouts “Cyber Chip” program.  It walks the boys through what is appropriate at different ages.  Really good information there.  http://www.scouting.org/cyberchip.aspx
• Order the “Protecteens” Program from the Idaho Attorney General’s Office.  Lots of links to videos, things to talk about, safety, cyber bullying, sexting, etc.  They sent me a CD and a packet of info.  http://www.ag.idaho.gov/internetSafety/protecTeens.html
  • Teach your children not to post pictures on Facebook with the Location “On”.  Most pictures that you take on your phone or any digital picture saves the ‘GPS’ of where the photo was taken right down to the room in your home.
  • Don’t post about traveling while you are on your trip.  It leaves your home vulnerable to theft.  Post pictures and things about your trip after you return home.
  • Don’t use full names of your kids in your posts online.  Use the first initial of their name instead.
  • Don’t post pictures that have ‘identifiable’ things like school mascots, or school names
  • Don’t answer ‘all about me’ quizzes
  • Ask permission before you post and/or tag others in photos
  • Never give out personal information
  • Never enter a chat room that parents don’t approve of.
  • If you wouldn’t put your real name on a comment you don’t post the comment.
  • Never plan to meet up with anyone you have met and are ‘friends’ with online.
• If you don’t understand the abbreviations that kids are using in texts and online look them up at http://www.urbandictionary.com/
• Www.lyrics.com for the lyrics to songs.

 
Cell Phones/Electronic Devices:

• Search on Google for “Worst Apps for Teens” or “Apps Parents Should Know About”.  Check these often.  Check your kids tablets and phones for them.—SnapChat, Audio Manager (hides photos), Calculator% (hides photos & files), Vaulty (online storage, password protected, takes photo of anyone that puts a wrong password in), Burn Note (deletes messages after a period of time), Omegle (chat with random strangers), Tinder (app for hooking up), Blendr (meet new people through GPS), Kik Messenger (videos, photos, messages, etc used for sexting and hooking up), Yik Yak (posts messages to the closest 500 Yankees based on GPS), Ask.fm. (Ask anonymous questions, used for cyberbullying), Whisper (communicate with strangers), Vine (posts & watches 6 second videos), ChatRoulette (random chat online with strangers), Poof (app that ‘hides’ other apps)
• Know what apps are on your kid’s phones and tablets.  If you don’t know what apps are on there or what they do ask them!  Have them show you what they use them for. 
• Go through your kid’s phones/tablets with them occasionally and have them show you all the apps that you have never seen.  If it’s something they aren’t using or don’t need have them delete it and clean it off their phone.  If they can’t tell you what they are using it for have them delete it off their phone.
• Have a Cell Phone/Electronic Device contract with your child. (Example…copy of ours)
  • Dock them on the microwave downstairs…it’s our charging station
  • No electronics in bathrooms or bedrooms.  Public areas of the home only!
  • No electronics during family time
  • No electronics at the dinner table
  • Electronics only allowed in public spaces in our home
  • Parent checks at any time with or without the child’s knowledge…no matter what age if it is in your home.
  • Pay for their own phone and cell phone plan.  We have one son that is paying for his phone and his plan, but it is on our cell phone contract.  We have more control over it that way.  If he doesn’t pay his bill on time his phone gets ‘repossessed’.  He pays a late fee to get it back.  Pay one month ahead of time. 
  • No deleting messages or browsing history without permission.  Do parent checks on these often.
  • You can always go in and change the security code on the phone.  They have to come to you to ask to log into their phone.  Good way to get them to come talk to you without you saying a word.
• Using cell phones for alarm clocks and music---Nope!  Alarm clocks are cheap, MP3 player cheap, CDs
• TV’s in bedrooms, hotels, and rental houses on vacation.
  • Used zip ties through the plug.  If the zip tie was cut or taken off they lost privileges.
• Set the amount of screen time you will allow for your children.  Go to http://www.aappublications.org/news/2016/10/21/MediaSchool102116. They had LOTS of good information there. 
  • No screen time 1 hour before bed
  • No sleeping with electronic devices in bedrooms
  • Set media free time like driving, family time, and dinners
  • Prioritize health, homework, sports, time with friends, and then screen time.
• We watched grades drop almost a full letter grade in one quarter after he got his phone.  They have never returned back to what they were before because his time is spent on the phone instead of studying.
• We have a Kid’s phone---It is for my convenience not for theirs!  I send it with them when I need to get in touch with them.  Not just if they think they ‘might’ need it for something.  If we have more than one child going different directions we send it with the one with the highest priority (like the child driving) or the child going somewhere alone where they can’t ask someone else to borrow their phone.
• Babysitters bringing cell phones into my home…NO Way!!  I have a home phone.  They can give that number to their parents.  They can call me in an emergency on that phone.  They are there to watch my children, not be texting or talking to others.  That’s what I’m paying them for.  I have no idea what is on their phone and I don’t want it in my home.  I turn off the Wifi when we leave as well as all computers.  After the kids are in bed they can watch movies that I have here, but they don’t have access to Netflix or Cable or regular TV.  Tell the babysitter that up front.  Be sure their parents know it as well.  If they don’t like it get a different babysitter.
• Filters or Key loggers on every phone (including yours and your spouse’s)  and every electronic device in the home!
• Watch for warning signs of something being wrong.  Their behavior changes.
  • Making excuses to be alone in their room for long periods of time
  • Going to bed early
  • Bad attitudes…different than normal
  • Being on edge
  • Changing the screen or exiting out of something quickly if you walk by
  • Being extra rude, talking back, etc…different than normal
  • Moodiness, restlessness
• One of my children got a phone from a friend at school that they were getting rid of.  Didn’t have phone service, but did have internet access over the Wifi.  Downloaded a texting app.  No filters.
• MP3 players can have MP4 (movie files) downloaded on them
  • Only 1 headphone in.

 
 
Internet Filters:
Having an electronic device is a privilege not a ‘right’ in my home.  It is also an issue of trust.  If you show you are responsible and I can trust you, you will have much more freedom.  If you break that trust you lose your freedom and it takes a long time to rebuild trust.
 
Each child is different and has different temptations.  Sometimes it’s the amount of time they spend on in the internet.  Sometimes it’s what they are looking at or doing on the internet.  Sometimes it’s the ‘friends’ they choose to have on the internet.  Know your child and their weaknesses as well as their strengths.
 
I would rather be ‘too strict’ or ‘too sheltered’ or have my children ‘too protected’ than not enough when it comes to internet safety and filtering.  This is one thing that I would choose to err on the ‘too strict’ side rather than have to deal with the consequences otherwise. 
 
Put passwords on everything!!!
 
Make sure the Wifi has the security on it and that you require a password to log into your home Wifi.  If you don’t know how to do that ask someone who does or look it up online!!
 
We have the right and the duty as a parent to protect our home and what comes into it!!
 
If something feels wrong trust your gut!!  It’s usually not your gut but the Spirit telling you something isn’t right.
 
I have spent hours and hours looking for and trying out different programs and I’ll share with you what has worked in our home. 
 
We started out with Net Nanny (www.Netnanny.com)  This is what I would use if you have younger children at home, but it works well for teenagers too, but for different reasons.  We started out with this on our home computer.  Family Plan (10 seats) $89.99/yr
 
Things I like: 

• It was easy to install & set up
• Once the parental password is on it they can’t remove it without having you put in the password.  (Make sure this password is different from any of the others you use normally)
• Set different profiles for different children based on age
• Set different levels of filtering based on those ages. 
• Can add/remove privileges individually per child
• Can access the account remotely (on a website online) to make changes that are immediately in effect. 
• If website is blocked…child can click a button that says “Request this website be allowed”.  You receive a notification and can allow that website so they can get through next time they try.
• You can override any ‘warning’ with the parental password physically anytime
• You can set times of day that they are not allowed on the internet. 
  • We set ours to not allow internet access between 8pm and 8am. 
  • We blocked all internet access on Sunday. (You can override it if they want to do Family Search or go on LDS.org or some other online thing that you allow)

• Works on computers (Windows or Mac), cell phones (Android or Apple)
• Family plan with 10 seats—you can put it on 10 devices for an annual fee.  They have plans with fewer seats or additional seats too.
• Can set it to ‘block’, ‘warn’, or ‘allow’.  ‘Block’ will not allow you on the website you are trying to visit at all.  ‘Warn’ will pull up a warning on the screen that says ‘this site may contain….do you want to continue’.  They have to click to continue.  ‘Allow’ let them through.
• Can set it to block all ‘new’ apps.  If they download and install a new app they have to ask you to ‘allow’ the app before they can use it. 
• The online reports were good.  You could see the graph of what it blocked and click on them to go deeper…clear down to the website they were trying to see.  It breaks them out by user so you can see who is looking at what based on categories. (Pornography, nudity, drugs, alcohol, violence, weapons, etc)
• It will ‘mask’ swear words (!@##$% instead of seeing the word)

 
Things I don’t like (or they don’t like):

• There is a lot of work that goes into setting it up to begin with.  To make sure that they have access to everything they need and no access to the things they don’t need.   We just explained up front what we were doing and told them that if something wasn’t working right or they couldn’t do what they needed to do to just ask and we would check into it immediately if we were able to. 
• Setting the ‘restricted’ time still allowed them to play games on the phone or computer or Ipad.  They just couldn’t get online
• Sometimes it was a pain in the neck to have to constantly allow access to websites as they got older.  If they were going to Walmart to look something up it would block access because of ‘lingerie or swimwear’. 
• Sometimes when new apps are installed on their phones it takes awhile for them to show up in the list of apps so you can allow access. 
• Occasionally new apps will never show up so you can’t allow access all the time, but you can override manually if they are in the same room with you.
• Occasionally some apps (like texting apps) didn’t show up and didn’t block them.
• Many times they couldn’t access YouTube videos. 
• Facebook was flagged many times because of the ‘ads’ that pop up on the side of the screen.  It showed LOTS of errors with that.
• On the cell phone you have to use the Net Nanny browser only.  There are several flaws with it.  It crashes often.
• They don’t like their friends to see that they have Net Nanny on their phone.

 
I think this works best with little children that you really want to restrict what they are getting into online.  This keeps them from clicking on a link that will take them off the page onto another website.  They learn to use the ‘back’ button on the internet really quickly when they can’t do anything else.  It takes them back to where they can be.  It works great for teens if you want to see what is on their phone and you want to be able to restrict access to apps or completely lock them out of things on their phone.  They won’t like the Net Nanny Browser or the fact that they will have trouble watching YouTube Videos. 
 
As my kids got older and as it got frustrating to keep having the Net Nanny browser crash.  We looked for another option. 
 
Ever Accountable: (www.everaccountable.com)  $9.99/month (pay for the whole year at one time) after 14 day free trial
 
This is more of an ‘accountability’ software.  You pay an annual fee.  You set it up on your computer, tablet, phone, etc.  You set up email addresses for those you want to be ‘accountable’ to.  Once a week it emails a report to that person with items flagged that ‘could be pornographic’. 
 
Things I like:

• Super easy and fast to set up
• If they disable the software you receive an immediate email that says they have disabled Ever Accountable and a report with all activity until they disabled it.
• It logs a lot of information! This will show you pieces of text messages that don’t always get logged any other way (even if they delete the message)
• It tells how much time they spend in each app for the week.  It makes that conversation much easier with the child about how they are spending their time because you have data to back you up.
• It logs…Facebook, Instagram (kind of), Text Messages, YouTube videos, Google searches, Gospel Library, etc)
• The log time & date stamps everything it logs.

 
 
Things I dislike:

• Sometimes it stops logging and you don’t know it (if you aren’t checking the report online) until it has been a week and you don’t get a report or you get an email that says, “this device is no longer logging information”.
• It logs lots of information.  There is a lot to sort through.  Some of it is confusing.  You have to be willing to put in the time to review what is there or there’s no use having it.
• It’s hard to tell if your child is sending or receiving the information.
• Some apps it doesn’t log any information in except how much time they are spending on that app.
• It is not a filter!  This does not filter anything on their device.  They can use any browser they want.  They can view anything they want. 
• You cannot set time restrictions
• You cannot set apps to allow or disable
• It doesn’t log anything on Pinterest
• You don’t always see the whole message or it’s split between 2 or 3 logged lines.
• Sometimes you will get a message saying Ever Accountable was turned off.  When you check with them the app logged itself off and usually logs itself back in after just a few minutes. 
• The report does not flag everything.  There is a lot that it doesn’t flag. Be vigilant!

 
This app is a great app for your older kids and spouse as well as yourself when you are wanting to give them more freedom to make a mistake.  They can make a mistake on Ever Accountable.  You have to be ok with that.  Be prepared to spend some time going through reports.  Sometimes you will find nothing and sometimes you will find more than you ever wanted to know.  Be committed to doing that.  This is also a good tool for you to tell them what a great job they are doing and what good choices they are making. 
 
You can use Net Nanny and Ever Accountable together on the same device. 
 
We started out with just Net Nanny on the cell phones.  Then went to Net Nanny with fewer restrictions, but added Ever Accountable to watch what they were doing with the ‘new’ freedoms they were given.  Then we dropped Net Nanny and went to just Ever Accountable.  There have been times when they have made a mistake that we have talked to them and then put Net Nanny back on their phone for awhile while we are rebuilding trust. 
 
Once you have installed a filter or keylogger I suggest you try it out.  Try to search for something inappropriate.  Click on links you shouldn’t just to see what happens and how it logs in the reports.  Knowledge is power.
 
YouTube Safe Browsing   

• There are filters and ‘safe browsing’ that you can use, but you have to be logged into YouTube for it to work.  Kids just don’t log in. 

 
One thing I have tried to impress upon my kids is that trust is absolutely vital in a marriage.  I told them that after they left our home if they would like to leave me on their devices as an “Accountability Partner” I would be happy to be on there to help keep them choosing the right.  I told them that when they got married I would hope that they would add their spouse as an “Accountability Partner” and explain to them that this is a gift they were giving.  It is the gift of trust.  I want you to know you can trust me and this is one way you can know that I am making good choices. 
 
If we go back to the analogy of the child and the busy road…as that child gets older and wiser and better able to make good choices then you can relax some of the restrictions on them (they can go out front on their own, etc).  Eventually they have to take Driver’s Ed and learn to drive.  They have to practice a lot.  They will make mistakes.  You have to help them figure out how to fix the mistake and make it right.  You have to give them the courage to keep trying and to make better choices.  As you can see that they are doing well you allow more and more freedom.  Then you eventually only help them when they ask or when you see warning signs and feel prompted to. 
 
Remember that they always have their agency.  They have to be accountable for the choices they make and pay the consequences good or bad.  BUT you still have to parent.  You have the right and the obligation to teach them correct principles and then let them govern themselves.  You have the duty to protect your home and be the “Guardian of the Hearth” as President Hinckley has said.   In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

This is a copy of the Electronic Device Contract we have with our kids.  It was compiled from LOTS of different sources.  I used what I liked and changed whatever I needed to so it fit our circumstances.

Cell phone/Smart phone Contract
 Kyle:

• I acknowledge that having and using a cell phone is a privilege.
• I will only use my phone in public places in our home. 
• I will not isolate myself while using my phone.
• I will not take my phone in my room.
• If asked, I will hand over my phone immediately to my parents so that it can be randomly checked at any time.
• I understand that my parents can go through the contents of my phone at any time with or without my knowledge. 
• If asked, I will fully cooperate in showing my parents the contents of my cell phone, including contacts, pictures, videos, text messages, etc.
• I will only download new apps if I have asked permission first.
• I will always have my cell phone turned on when I’m out with friends, so my parents can reach me if needed.
• If my parents call and/or text me I will answer the phone/text immediately if I am able to.  If I cannot I will return the call/text as soon as possible with an explanation.
• I agree to have Net Nanny or Ever Accountable installed and running at all times on my phone.  If I bypass these monitoring devices I agree to give up my phone.
• I agree to ALWAYS give my parents my login to my phone.  I will never lock them out of it.
• I will not use my cell phone during meal times or during family time.
• I will not use my phone to talk or text while I am driving.
• I will not use my phone when people are talking to me in person.
• If I’m asked to turn off/stop playing/get off cell phone, I will do so immediately with a respectful attitude
• I agree to “dock” my phone on the microwave by 9:00pm before ‘school days’ and 10:00pm before ‘non-school days’.  I also agree to “dock” my phone if asked at any other time as well.
• I agree to give my parents passwords to all my accounts.
• I will honor the school rules with my cell phone.
• I will never buy anything online without my parents’ permission.
• I will never share personal information such as name, address, phone number, school, teams, age, etc with anyone online without permission from my parent.
• I will never engage in any form of cyber-bullying.
• I will never send, forward, or respond to any sexual content and/or threatening messages.
• I will not say or text anything that I wouldn’t say in person with my parents listening.
• I will tell my parents if I receive any text messages, phones calls, and/or emails that are inappropriate.
• I understand that my cell phone may be taken away for disrespectful or disobedient behavior including, but not limited to…back talking, inappropriate sibling interactions like fighting, hitting, name calling, etc and failure to complete responsibilities at home when asked or required…such as band practice, kitchen job, and job points.
• I understand that my cell phone may be taken away for failing to complete school assignments or homework.
• I understand that I might make a mistake with one of these items in my contract.  If I do I will immediately talk to my parents and explain the situation.

 
 
 
Mom & Dad:

• We will respect Kyle’s privacy when he is talking or texting on the phone.
• If we have concerns, we have the right to read text messages, review call logs, block all access to his phone, and review any content on the phone without telling Kyle first.
• We acknowledge that Kyle might make a mistake with one of the items in this contract.  If he comes to us to explain that he made a mistake we agree to try to listen carefully and communicate clearly to rectify the situation. 

 
__________________________________
Kyle Hansen                                     (Date)
 
__________________________________
Darrin Hansen                                 (Date)
 
__________________________________
Andrea Hansen                               (Date)
 
 

​I was 10 when she (Sister Tanner) started changing her parenting styles.  She yelled, spanked, and grounded.  My sister just older than me is a red personality.  We were polar opposites.  She was the reason my Mom started changing her tactics on parenting. 
 
One of the things I think I really learned is that she took extreme flack for how she raised us.  She took a lot of flack even from her Mom.  She didn’t care.  She felt that strongly about that.  You take a lot of criticism about what you do. I am extremely grateful for that lesson I learned. 
 
I have 6 kids.  3 on missions, 17 yr son, 15 yr daughter, 12 yr daughter.  It’s easy to feel like my job is done sometimes.  It’s interesting.  Who is the one who knows all the answers when you sit in church?  The young Mom’s with babies.  Everything I thought I knew I don’t know anymore.  It’s a whole new ballgame than when they are little.
 
If you think my Mom was raised social activities for them were going to a concert or a game.  There was no TV.  That was your entertainment.  When I was growing up, TV and videos had started.  If there was a romantic scene you saw a man and a woman kiss, then the outside of the house, then the light go out.  You see more than that in the commercials now. 
 
The doctrine is the same!  The doctrine is the same since Bible times.  It hasn’t changed. 
 
Dallin H Oaks  April 2005 “Pornography”
Jacob began his sermon by telling the men that “as yet, [they had] been obedient unto the word of the Lord” (Jacob 2:4). However, he then told them he knew their thoughts, that they were “beginning to labor in sin, which sin appeareth very abominable … unto God” (Jacob 2:5). “I must testify unto you concerning the wickedness of your hearts” (Jacob 2:6), he added. Jacob was speaking as Jesus spoke when He said, “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart”
 
My brother is a bishop. 90% of his youth are addicted to pornography.  He has been a bishop for 3-4 years in Provo, Utah.  These youth are ready to send in papers for missions or to go to BYU.  He cannot tell parents about their problem.  All of them have said it was their phones. 
 
Think about how you use your phone. 
 
Morality is a feeling or attitude of reverence towards sacred things.  Our kids have to be taught that attitude and the doctrine behind it.  They can see the “why”.  Morality governs our thoughts and behaviors.  Are we motivated by our emotions and physical senses?  Resistance to temptations come through spiritual strength.  We have to first see the difference in where those 2 come from. 
 
Our kids are introduced to this very early.  The ‘maturation film’ is in 5th grade.  The ‘birds and bees film’ is in 6th grade.  If you haven’t talked to your kids before they see this video who becomes their teacher.  If you wait until the video you are too late.  They already know it.  You had better start talking to your kids when they are very young. 
 
We start teaching our children when they are very young…2 years old. My sister had a boy after 4 girls.  Their anatomy is different.  The first diaper changing their 3 ½ year old is very curious.  Their curiosity is innocent and pure.  There is nothing inappropriate at this age.  “Dad…he has an outy?”  Modesty is taught from a very young age.  We let them wear things at a young age that they would not be allowed to wear at age 15.  You are teaching something all the time.  Do you let them run around in just a diaper because they don’t like clothes?
 
We teach our kids before there is problem with it.  We teach them how to control thoughts and feelings before there is an issue. 
 
 “Successful Living of Gospel Principles” by David B Haight
Parable taught by Dallin H. Oaks…..As two men walked across an eastern university campus, they were attracted by a crowd of people surrounding a large maple tree. As they approached, they noticed that the crowd was being amused by the antics of a fox-tailed squirrel circling the tree, climbing it, and running back down again. A red Irish Setter dog crouched nearby, intently watching the squirrel. Each time the squirrel ran up the tree out of sight, the dog would slowly creep towards the tree. The squirrel paid little attention as the dog crept closer and closer, patiently biding its time. People watching this entertaining drama unfold knew what could happen, but they did nothing, until in a flash, the dog—catching the squirrel unaware—had it in the grip of his sharp teeth.
 
The people then rushed forward in horror, forcing the dog’s mouth open to rescue the squirrel. It was too late. The squirrel was dead. Anyone could have warned the squirrel or held back the dog. But they had been momentarily amused and watched silently while evil slowly crept up on good. When they rushed to the defense, it was too late.
 
We see around us daily that which is portrayed in this parable. We sit idly by watching as an insidious stream of profanity, vulgarity, demeaning behavior, a mocking of righteous ideals and principles, invades our homes and lives through most types of media, teaching our children negative values and moral corruption. We then become upset when our children perform differently than we would wish, and social behavior continues to deteriorate.
 
Satan is so good at the philosophy that it is a personal choice.  Society teaches us that there is no line between right and wrong.  We teach them that by doing it ourselves. 
 
Example…My sons were in a 5-6th combo class together.  They were given class copies of a book.  This was when they were still my oldest and I was feeling my ways through how things work.  They came home and said Mom we don’t want to read this book.  That was a Friday.  I emailed the teacher, got the book from the library, and read it over the weekend.  It had ‘mature content’ in it.  It had 2 people making love in the room with 2 kids outside the room listening.  I emailed the teacher and said my boys will not read that book.  They need another choice.  I had 6 parents come up to me and say, “How come your boys didn’t have to read that book?  We didn’t know that was a option for our kids.” 
 
It teaches our children that it isn’t ok and to be courageous and stand for what’s right.
 
Get a reading list of the required reading for this year.  Then you start reading.  I have probably declined 7 books for my kids.  My 17 year old son is in a class right now.  His economics teacher came up to him.  He said, “I know that you are LDS and I don’t want to offend.  Can you or your Mom preview this and see if it will be offensive?”  That road has been paved for them.
 
My daughter came home and started talking about evolution and how the “Big Bang” theory and how it all began.  Kids think if you are the teacher what they are saying is true.  We have to help them learn how to decipher truth.  We walked her through how the world really began. 
 
If you don’t know what’s going on ask your kids what’s going on.  Teach them to communicate with you.
 
Class member:  As my son was going through school, teachers liked to think that the students are their peers.  One teacher would get up and talk about how their weekend was.  The teacher said she got drunk over the weekend.  My son stood up and said drinking is dumb.  Today they are doing that very strongly.  You do not need to be telling them what they are doing over the weekend. 
 
There is no dress code for teachers in our district.  I couldn’t believe what the teacher was wearing…mini skirt, spaghetti straps, and bare midriff.
 
The doctrine on the family is the doctrine of morality.  “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.”  You had better be teaching homosexuality in the first paragraph.  We need to be married before we are intimate.  This is the most sacred and wonderful thing we have.  Our kids need to understand the purpose of that. 
 
Teach reverence for the body….Start with modesty.  The Lord’s standard is the temple garment.  That is his standard.  I was in the Stake Young Womens.  We had all of our plaques on the wall.  I found my plaque. It sat on my dresser for awhile.  My daughter came in and she got big tears in her eyes.  It was my senior picture I had to wear a drape.  She said, “Mom, why are you dressed immodestly.”  I couldn’t say anything.  She saw it for what it was.  It has never hung in my home. 
 
What our kids see and perceive we tend to justify later down the road.  If it’s not ok for them it’s not ok for you. 
 
We feel like this is topic mostly for our girls.  When my brother was growing up, he was asked to a dance by a non-member.  She was warned to wear a modest dress.  This young lady showed up in a strapless dress.  You could just see the color go out of my brother’s face.  How uncomfortable is he now?  Is it ok for him to go to a dance and put his hands all over her without a top.  Me and my wonderful sister said, “Oh you forgot a sweater.  You can borrow one of ours.”  She left with it on.  When he got home she took it off.  I didn’t dance with her.  If it was off I didn’t dance with her.  We have the right to teach our sons what is appropriate.  They don’t have to do something they are uncomfortable with to ‘be nice’.
 
Class member:  He had told her that she needed to wear a modest dress and told her that he wouldn’t be twerking if she went with him.  It sets the standard.
 
They have to be taught the why first.  Then we can give them the practices.
 
I had the same thing happen to my 17 year old.  She is 6’2”.  Girls don’t wear long formals.  They wear knee length ones, but she did a good job. 
 
When we were in the Young Womens they could put on a sweater from our box of sweaters.  When you watch girls tug and pull on their clothes.  They aren’t comfortable in what they were wearing. 
 
Part of modesty is Sunday attire.  Do not wear flip-flops to church.  Reverence in church on Sunday needs to be different.
 
A right to privacy.  We shower with them.  We throw them in the bathtub with us.  We have boys and girls share bedrooms together.  Kids go to the bathroom we need to close the door.  They have a right to privacy and they should have privacy when they change their clothes. 
 
There is a time when we don’t share rooms anymore.  We don’t shower together. We need to teach our kids that we shower by ourselves.   In locker room situations, you will revisit this situation.  Keep a towel wrapped around you. 
 
My son, said his MTC companion was so straight that when I would be using the bathroom that he would be trying to have a gospel conversation with me outside the bathroom door.  We do not need to have a conversation through a bathroom door.  Teach that to your children.  Teach them appropriateness with bodily functions.
 
Vulgarity:  We need to teach our kids to not be vulgar.  That is anything that has to do with bodily parts and functions.  We grew up hearing them.  The sitcoms were popular when I grew up.  It wasn’t the immorality it was the degrading of the fathers.  The kids ruled.  There was a real disrespect for that.  A lot of crude, vulgar language is inappropriate.  Satan twists it.  Swearing is part of it.
 
When I asked my husband (a bishop) what to teach he said, tell them to talk to their kids.  When they find out they are in pornography not to flip out.  It closes the door of communication with them. 
 
In her generation the “Birds and the Bees” was not a discussed about conversation.  It is now.  Our youth hear it all the time.  There should be an open door policy about words.  If you hear a word and want to know what it means you will never get in trouble for it.  Mom or Dad needs to be a safe place to ask a question. 
 
H Burke Peterson…. Many of us do not profane, but are vulgar
 
Kids have the problem because parents are leading the way there. 
 
We need to teach our kids to have pure thoughts.  There is a natural progression that happens in middle school with hormones. 
 
My Mom took us all away for a weekend.  We had a book and discussed it.  When I had the talk with her it was great.  She asked a million questions.  What that does is throw them into that kind of thinking.  You have just implanted all of these thoughts and that’s what they think about.  That is natural and normal she felt like she was sinning.  Be careful with these tender spirits.  If they are naïve maybe pull them out and teach it to them slower.  Use the spirit of when that happens.  They know!  They hear about it all the time.  What they don’t know is the divinity and the sacredness of it. 
 
Class member:  A really good book is Brad Wilcox “Growing Up”.  It reassured them throughout the book.  It takes the embarrassing out of it.  It was so helpful. 
 
So often we shutter at the thought of what we have to do.  When I was growing up Mom talks to the girls, Dad talks to the boys.  There was a hunting trip with soda and hunting bears.  I came in there the sewing room door was closed…we had a big talk all together because the bear hunt was just a hike…there was no talk.
 
We buy season tickets for BYU.  For one trip I made him a 3x5 card and listed the topics.  Here are the bullet points.  I gave him an outline.  These are the things I am hearing and seeing.  Our arena is to be in our kids space.  You make sure you hit these things for the boys.  They came home and Spencer just looks at me and said, “I will never go to a BYU football game again.”  Did they lose or was it the ride?  The next year it was the next son’s turn.  He said, “I’m going to go with you.  No one should have to listen to that alone.”  They all go together.  It is this 6 hour space where they can ask questions and where it’s safe.  The ones that have thought about it for awhile can ask questions.  IF you can get your husbands to do it that is the best way.  It is from an understanding way. 
 
My husband grew up with a single Mom and 3 sisters.  One day my Mom walked into my room with 3 books and said you need to read these.  Dad never talked to him either. 
 
“Hair in Funny Places” (kids book)
 
You look at it from just a girls point of view.  You don’t realize it’s happening to the boys.  It is important to teach your boys about “that time of the month” and how to treat them during that time.  If you want to prepare them to be good husbands you need to prepare them.
 
Our thoughts lead to feelings with lead to actions which leads to behavior which define character. 
 
Sing a hymn if thoughts come.
 
We expect our kids when we teach them the don’ts we need to teach them how to make wise decisions.
 
I used to lay awake at night and think of hard situations to put my kids into….drinking, bad movies, inappropriate activities.  As I would tuck one of them in we would chat.  The ‘bad guy’ was always their best LDS friend.  Good opportunity to help them role play decisions and see what they would do.  Keep your mouth closed.  Let them problem solve and mill through it.
 
Class member:  I had a niece over.  She was 11.  I got a pain killer out and said just take one.  It will make you feel good.  I really tried to pressure her.  We role played it.  They were almost ready for tears, when I told them that they did a good job. 
 
The goal is not to terrify our children. 
 
We had a problem with strangers.  We could not get him to understand the man that had a puppy really didn’t have a puppy.  We had some of the well dressed people that he worked with to help entice them.
 
Help them think of situations they haven’t thought of before.
 
President Benson  Guard and Protect your virtue
To help youth understand the seriousness….if someone comes after you with a knife you wouldn’t stick around for a few stabs. 
 
My Mom was always the scapegoat.  Our youth have phones.  If they find themselves in a situation have a code word.  “I need you home right now.  Do I need to come get you?  I’m on my way.”
 
My daughter skipped young womens and she was a miamaid and with a laurel friend talking.  The laurel friend had a boyfriend that was very abusive.  They had to get a restraining order and now she has this other guy.  She said, “Are you still saying your prayers and reading your scriptures?”  Yes.  She said that Heavenly Father wasn’t answering her questions.  However, the answers she is looking for are “Is this ok?” She is asking questions contrary to the Lord’s guidelines.
 
“When you were young do not get involved in steady dating….you boys don’t need this and neither do the girls.” (Benson?)
 
Class member:  We can be the scapegoat and they also need to understand that Heavenly Father might let us be the scapegoat, but the answer may be different.  My daughter was going to a movie and looked up the reviews.  She knew that I had been praying.  She came home that night.  She said I had so much fun.  We were sitting in the theater and the projector wouldn’t work.  We sat there about 30 minutes.  We had dinner and got a treat after.  What we decided was that we weren’t supposed to watch that movie.  They also need to know they do get answers to those prayers.  It can help them realize that Heavenly Father is aware of them. 
 
If they see you doing something they get the courage to do something that too.
 
FSOY “Entertainment & Media”
Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in anything that presents immorality or violence as acceptable.
 
Common Sense Media Review for “Breaking Dawn”
Sex and nudity— Bella and Edward have sex a few times. First time is in the ocean when they are skinny dipping. No nudity is seen although their naked bodies are viewed from the side. 
They also have sex in bed a few times. Edward's chest is visible and Bella's breast is always seen with the occasional nipple seen. 
Characters kiss throughout the film a lot. 
A wedding is at the start. Bella wears a dress which reveals her bare back. She kisses Edward for a decent amount of time. 
Dances where characters are swung around genitals and breasts nothing too serious 
Bella removes her dressing gown to reveal her breast (no nipple seen) and her bare shoulders”
 
IMDB.com (Internet Movie Data Base)—Go to family ratings.  
 
Common Sense Media— http://www.commonsensemedia.org/ 
 
These are tools.  Use them!  This is the problem though…each of us is on our own spiritual progression.  You have to get yourself there and teach your kids.  You won’t be perfect.
 
When that movie came out I had 23 women that I knew taking their girls to see that movie. 
 
Class member:  Even the review is pornographic.
 
Class member:  I was in YW when the books came out.  There was a lot of controversy around it.  My sister, her oldest daughter was 15.  She read the first one and then I didn’t let her read the 2nd one.  There was part of me that wanted to know what was in there, but I haven’t read it or seen the movies.  It makes me think, it’s becoming so normal.  I had friends who went on and on and on about how amazing it was.  It’s becoming so standard. 
 
We have tools and it’s very appropriate to send your child to look it up.  Let’s read this together and ask “based on that is it a good show to see?” 
 
Kids in Mind—App---rate it on a 1-10 scale.  They tlel you what the swear words are.  They are very specific.  If it is a ‘2’ they will list kissing.
IMDB.com (Family ratings)
Commonsensemedia.org
 
Our kids want to be good!  If they read this before they saw the movie the would say, “That doesn’t sound very good.”  I was in the Stake when this came out…”It was written by an LDS author and Deseret Book sells it.”  Doctrine has nothing to with what Johnny next door is doing.  The kids at school is not the standard that I am comparing you too.  The Lord’s standard will not change!
 
Study For the Strength of Youth!!!
 
We are going to be called upon to defend the family any more than any other generation to have lived upon the earth.  Our society is trying to change and redefine what that is.  They are trying to redefine marriage.  The Lord needs us to defend the family.  If you are teaching them the Lord’s concept of the family you can teach the doctrine into the heart and souls and bear witness and testimony to see their role and keep their bodies clean.  We want our kids to enter marriage with that confidence and that desire. 
 
Discourage pairing up.  If you don’t have teenagers is that you don’t know is that kids pair off without dating.  Kids ‘hang out’.  Understanding how to date becomes an issue.  Kids can see the ‘reality shows’ where they can look at you and say, “I am not dating.”  We teach them that you have to be dating to be paired off and have a boyfriend.  You can ask any kid at school and say, “They are a couple.”  You need to decide at what age you are going to let them do ‘co-ed’ activities outside of church. 
 
When is it ok to have these boy/girl groups.  I said 16 years old in our home.  When my kids were in 8th grade everyone of their good LDS friends were paired off.  When your kids go somewhere there better be a list of “W’s”  Where are you going? Who are you with? When will you be home?
 
Class member:  Everyone will think you are a player when you date lots of different people.
 
You have to go out once a week on a date.  You don’t text a girl to ask her out.  You have a plan.  They don’t even know that.  We have to teach them that.  When my boys turn 16 my boys have to take me out on a date.  My husband takes our daughters out.  I order something expensive off the menu.  There needs to be a plan. 
 
In our home, our boys have to go out once a week.  If I was starting over I would make them go out every week and one of those weeks it would be my choice who they went out with.  It is so hard for my son to ask LDS girls out.  Why is that hard?  “They just have such low self esteem and they are always putting themselves down.  I just can’t stand that.”  What kinds of self esteem do you think they would have if you asked them out?  Because their self esteem comes from peers at that age.  He could have a part in that.  The dates don’t have to
 
Class member:  Do they need to take a different girl out every time?
 
Ours is 3.  They have to take out 3 different ones before they can go again.  They might have to grab a buddy or game night at your house.  FSOY says group dating.
 
My son one time decided that they were doing to take 2 girls out on the date that would be the talk of the school.  They cleared a part in the corn field.  They hung a blackout fabric and drove a couch out there and a projector.  They watched “the Apple Dumpling Gang”.  They can think of really fun things.  Our youth don’t know how to have fun.  No one wants to have dance lessons that’s not cool. 
 
When we talk about pairing up and hanging out.  We are seeing experimenting with homosexuality.  You live on the edge…anything that arouses those feelings.  This same son was walking home from middle school.  They saw 2 girls ahead of them holding hands.  Him and his friend were trying to decide what to do.  As he passed, one of the girls said, “You aren’t even going to say hi to me?”  This girl was one of my YW.  This girl really liked me.  We had a great relationship.  I want to talk to you about something that affected my son.  “Do you realize what every young man just saw?  Do you think he wants to ask you out when he sees you holding another girls hand?” 
 
I went to a basketball game and talked to a college institute teacher.  What are you seeing amongst college kids?  What are the red flags you are dealing with?  I have called all over the western states to see if they were having the same problem.  We are having a problem with same gender attraction.  Why do you think that increased?  My personal opinion is that they are just hanging out.  My best friend is there for me and all you do is hang out with my best friend. 
 
Class member: Growing up we had a bad family life.  There wasn’t a lot of love and very uninvolved family.  I had really good friends.  It was in no way sexual.  They were more family than my family.  I think we need to teach them not to be judgmental. There are going to be youth out there when their family doesn’t give them what they need. 
How do you tell the difference?
 
Class member:  I think it comes to don’t judge. 
 
As a Stake YW we have YW that are slow dancing together.  That is not ok.  People do rely heavily on their friends.  We are assuming that we are that supporting family for our kids.  Eventually we (as parents) aren’t going to be their first stop.  Junior year is very hard.
 
Homosexuality was not very common growing up, but now I’ll bet we each know someone personally that is homosexuality.  We have to know how to love someone, but hate the sin.  We don’t know what that looks like. 
 
Class member:  We have this situation in our family.  We had someone that came out that they were homosexual.  My 14 year old girl is very hurt.  We talked about how to look past that and still love him. 
 
When we teach doctrine they will understand that why. 
 
These are good people we love.  These are good people Heavenly Father loves. 
 
Class member:  I found out my grandmother was living that way, but I was little and didn’t realize it.  My mom had taught my older siblings, but I didn’t understand.  I didn’t realize how badly it affects someone. 
 
It’s hard when someone you love has turned away from the gospel. 
 
Class member:  Elder Oaks & Elder Wickman did an interview “Same Sex Attraction”  It is amazing.  They talk about this hypothetical son. 
 
There is same gender attraction that people fight and that is hard!  We should not jump to conclusions.  What we are seeing is experimentation.  It meets some of those needs when they are not being met at home. 
 
Class member:  I think it comes back to the open door policy with your kids.  Kids have to feel like they can come to you. 
 
This is plaguing our church now.  We need to tread lightly. 
 
Class member:  Is it pornography that is leading to this? 
 
My guess is…that there probably is a correlation now. 
 
Class member:  I think gays and lesbians are over represented in our society.  Youth are just more curious because it’s in our main stream media. 
 
Class member:  It’s almost a fad.
 
Class member:  I think maybe this has the same thing to do with the other things you were talking about when dating.  When that affection reaches a level of arousal it’s inappropriate. 
 
Youth will say that they are loved. 
 
President Hinckley said ‘kissing a boy or a girl should feel like kissing your mom.’
 
How one child handles it will be very different than another one.
 
Class member:  My 4 year old came home and asked me why some kids have 2 mom’s. 
 
We need to teach our kids consequences.  You can make the choice, but you don’t get to choose the consequence.  John Lund…How to Hug A Teenage Porcupine.  There is a plan of salvation for each one of Heavenly Father’s children.  Some may have to go through somethings to learn those lessons.  Teach them about the Atonement. 
 
Teach them they can always pray. 
 
Do’s & Don’t

• Do not give back rubs.
• Don’t lay by the opposite sex.  Don’t lay down to watch a movie on the floor.  Make it your rule. 
• Never go into the bedroom of the opposite sex…including siblings. There is no playing in bedrooms.  Kids like to play doctor.

 
Class member:  We have 2 children and a 3rd one on the way.  What age do you move them out in separate rooms? 
 
When they start undressing themselves. 
 

• Don’t dance to close.
• No full body hugs
• Keep your hands to yourself.
• Limit time on phones.

 
Cell phones & internet….Computers and internet have to be in public spaces in your home.  I believe that phones and the internet came about by the Spirit.  We need to teach our children that they are tools. 
 
My brother in Provo…he is creating a training for parents.  You go in on a 5th Sunday every one of those parents are saying “That’s not my kid.” 
 
Heavenly Father’s plan is a plan of accountability.  Your spouse should have your passwords.  You should have your spouses.  When Heavenly Father told Jesus & Adam to create water He said, return and report.  Our youth throw the “trust” word at me.  It’s nothing to do with trust.  It has to do with accountability. 
 
My son made some stupid decisions.  You can tell that the Spirit has withdrawn.  That is the Spirit working on them.  We worked through that.  He wanted to go out with another girl. We do tend to throw it back in their face.  He tried to set up something with some LDS kids.  It was some non-members on New Year’s Eve.  He said Mom why don’t you trust me?  You never see any of the things I do good.  You never share anything that you are doing.  What do we have as parents to go on?  The things we find out or read.  We are deciphering those messages. 
 
Someone gets the priesthood…you are accountable to your quorum president.  Make accountability with cell phones before it ever happens.  Once they get a phone they think that it is theirs.  You better set limits before.  This is when the phone gets docked.  An ipod should be docked every night.  This is where they are getting addicted to pornography. 
 
Docking and all passwords are an accountability thing.  Teach them if they need something to go to the internet and then get off. We waste so much time browsing.  You get into trouble through browsing. 
 
My 17 year old he graduated.  He has a phone.  Do you have money?  I said I don’t have money to buy a phone for you, but if you have the money to buy it and pay for it you can certainly have it. 
 
Over Christmas break we took our youth to Salt Lake for a temple trip.  Our Primary president called and said I just don’t understand why you are going to take their phones away at 10:30 at night.  We will charge them in our room.  They are afraid they are going to get broken.  It was so hard to relinquish that.  It was more important to her that they went on the trip, but made sure they had their phone.  Next time he will say no phones.  We can’t disengage.  Missionaries can’t disengage and don’t know how with electronics.  We need to monitor ourselves as well. 
 
Class member:  We have a friend who’s Dad is a mission president.  They are sending home more kids with phone addictions than pornography. 
 
Kids cannot pull themselves from it.  It is an emotional addiction.  We need to have family time where they don’t have them.  It affects every part of their life.  They did a study that said “You have mail” creates the same chemical reaction in your brain that heroin does.  It is sending kids home
 
We should not be hooking up with old high school friends.  Once you are married there needs to be a severance of some of those relationships.  Opposite gender.  Those lead to so many tough things. 
 
No marathon dates…why do we send our kids on 12 hours dates? 
 
No sleepovers.
 
Have a curfew.
 
If you ask your kids if they are morally clean and they say yes ask them to define what that means.  They say…I will go to this point and then stop.  What happens when they get married?  Teach them why we save ourselves and why those feelings are saved
 
Have you seen anything that made you feel weird or that you have a question about?  It gives them the opportunity to see what they have seen or heard.
 
It’s ok to lead out and say, “I just saw a Carl’s Jr commercial and it hurt my soul.”  It’s ok to open that conversation.
 
Listen to what the prophets say.  Parent as if it were your child.  Teach them accountability.  These things are sacred.  Heavenly Father has given these emotions to us for a very good purpose, but in the parameters the Lord has set. 
 
Internet Filtering Apps suggested by class members:
Net Nanny
Ever Accountable
 
 

Share which class impacted you most this semester.

Class member:  I am humbled because I came to the 4 legs of the table.  We have that done, but my attitude isn’t there.  I felt inspired on things to do to make it fun.  I wanted to get it ‘into’ instead of just ‘unto’.

Class member:  The first lesson…making your children self reliant.  When she had a suggestion to just let her try.  Backing them into an emotional corner.  I liked that too.  Hopefully after today this will be a good one.

Class member:  I enjoyed the color code.  I am white.  My husband is white.  My daughter is red/yellow.  It was hard.  It was good to recognize her strengths.  We had to focus on how much it didn’t bother us. 

A white parent has to learn to be a little more firm with a red.

Class member:  I liked the doctrine on the family a lot.  I didn’t even think about communication.  I read President Hinckley’s talk before he gave the Proclamation.

We believe in eternal families and being married in the temple, but we don’t teach the doctrine.

Class Member:  This has been my 3rd session.  My all time favorite was Doctrine on the Family.  I’m in the Primary as well.  I can’t forget about the flack with that new song in Primary, but to hear the negative aspect has been making me think a lot.  I couldn’t shake that lesson.  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

Follow the prophets.  Cling to them.  Hang on to them.  You are going to hear things.  If the Lord wants the doctrine changed he will change it not social media or pressure.  The times are going to get worse in the church.  The parable of the 10 virgins is the members of the church.  Be careful.  Don’t be swept by someone in the church that starts teaching you something.  If you can back it up by what the brethren say.  When the Lord wants us to have it, it will come from the brethren.  Listen to what they say about same-sex marriages.  We love the people, but don’t accept the practice.

Class member:  It’s interesting that the morals have changed.  We haven’t changed.  They have.  It was not acceptable to get pregnant when you were 15.  You didn’t go to school for 9 months.  We aren’t the ones who have changed.  Society has. 

The prophets have said that we need to stand out as a happy peculiar people.  Joy that we are free from the bondage those things create.  Don’t feel angry or ashamed.  Those who came and partook and the people  laughed and were ashamed and were lost. 

Class member:  Yesterday my teenage daughter opened up a debate about whether you can legislate morality.  She was attacked by students, peers, and teacher.  She was afraid to go to school.  She was afraid she had said the wrong thing.  My husband is meeting with the principal and the teacher today at lunch. 

To have your husband go and defend her you are doing it.  That is bullying. 

Class member:  The teacher has an agenda.  He is malicious with her.  She is afraid of him and the students. 

You are doing what’s right in defending her and helping her.  We are all going to have that.  Our young people many of them are facing that.  It’s easier to capitulate than to stand up for what is right.  We stand by them and cheer them on. 

Class member:  Studies show that kids do better with a mother and father.  He left his wife and left his kids.  He knows. 

This is what our children are facing.  Adults and peers will attack them.  This is it.

Class member:  Even with your daughter the most important thing is that she knows you are behind her.  Our daughter came home and explained what happened with a teacher and vice-principal.  They had bullied her into saying she had done something she hadn’t.  Her whole demeanor changed when she knew that her Mom believed her.

Over time it will give her courage.  It won’t take away the pain or the fear.  This is beyond her capacity.  You don’t have to let them fight this battle alone.  It sends a message that I care about you and I will stand up for you when you stand up for what is right.  If he is that bitter and angry he can’t leave it alone.  They think they should choose their way, but you aren’t allowed to choose your opinion. 

Class member:  It’s great that you have taught her well enough to be able to stand for what is right.

Class member:  When enough people stand up for what is right.  There is a girl involved in band she was a habitual liar.  Because he was her section leader he was involved in everything and went to the band director.  Maybe this is just the first time, but after a few more maybe something will be done. 

There is heat when you stand up for what is right.  I’m proud of you, your family, and I’m proud of her.  What a wonderful daughter you have.

Class member:  We were following along in the morality section and a lot of it will fall in to that

It’s slightly intimidating to come in here…

1.    You are mostly women
2.    My mother has shared too much about me.

I love to teach morality, but I’ve had a hard time preparing this lesson.  I’ll get into why later.  My Mom has a stack of resources.  I’ve gone through some of those.  I’ve taken some and then picked my own kinds of things.  You may not get what you’ve bargained for.  We are so grateful she is coming home!

Open your heart and open your mind to the Spirit.  The Spirit will tell you what to do with your kids faster than Brother Tanner can.

What matters to God?  Follow this scripture chain....

Question: What matters to God? 
Answer:  He created man and woman.  His crowning creation. 

Question:  What matters to God?
Answer:  They are being obedient.  They are doing what they are created to do.  In a small sense they were bringing down the powers of God to create a body.  That is an important power.  Cleave unto his wife and multiply.  Use this power.  It makes us more like our Heavenly Father.

We get so excited about the juicy about “What do you do?  What do you tell your kids?”  This doctrine changes behavior more than preaching to your kids rules.  You must know this.  You have to know it!

Question:  What matters to God?
Answer: Celestial marriage is of the utmost importance.  Celestial marriage is the only way to obtain all blessings, because that is what our Heavenly Father has.  He has a celestial marriage.

Do you feel like that all the time?  That they are a reward.

Question:  What matters to God?
Answer:  Children.  This is what is important to him.

Question:  What matters to God?
Answer:  Raise them up unto the Lord. 

The Spirit and lust do not co-mingle.  That is important as we go on. 
Lasciviousness is past feeling.

Lust: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness  (Selfishness)
Spirit:  love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith  (Real love and real joy)

Question: What matters to God?
Answer: Walk in the Spirit

You haven’t done anything sitting in class.  Until you walk out the door and act, do, be then you are doing something.  Right now you are just sitting.  If you have questions…ask!

Question: What matters to God?
Answer: Being an example of purity.

Think about yourself and your youth.  Are they examples of purity?  Are you an example to other kids to what purity is?

Each one of these scriptures could be a family home evening.

Keeping yourself unspotted from the world.  It’s the spots that we are unaware of, push aside because it’s uncomfortable.  What are the spots of the world based on morality?  What are some spots you see at middle school?  You don’t know.  Ask them what they see.  You can counsel them against it.

Question: What matters to God?
Answer:  Keep yourself unspotted from the world

Question: What matters to God?
Answer: The Lord delights in Chastity.

What is chastity?  Chastity that the Lord delights in.  Chastity that we set as a standard for ourselves vs. the Lord could be different things. 

In teaching this class it is an 80% push to help you be better and 20% help your children be better.

Question: What matters to God?
Answer: Temple marriage

Are we spiritually mature?   What do you struggle with?  If you are not…why not?  If you are lacking what are you lacking? 

Class member:  Tried to go to temple more often.  Across the board it’s made a difference in my life.  I wish I had gone more often when I was younger.  I have a son getting ready to go on a mission.  Things are going better for him in getting ready.  Prayers are more fervent.

In the church we speak too much in generalities.  We need to speak more in specifics.

Class member:  A lot of times kids are taught that they want to be married in the temple, but then they don’t realize that what they are doing and who they are dating is getting them further away from the temple.  Second thing…as we get to the words we use.  We need to remember that definitions of the same words we use now are different now than it was.  A make-out session for us was different. 

A few years ago I had a niece that lived with us.  She struggled with this.  If you are out with a kid we joke did you make out with him.  For us that was just kissing.  Her definition was dry humping and hands up the shirt.  Their definitions are completely different.

The doctrine is where it is at!  I could shake everyone of you and say you must teach this. 

The world would have you feel uncomfortable with that statement.  You need to research it until you completely understand what that means.

Question: What matters to God? 
Answer: Eternal families

Do you have a testimony of that?  Do your kids know your testimony of that?  Make your kids listen

If you ponder that for a moment you would weep at the sadness we bring upon ourselves

This doctrine that I have just finished teaching (begun really)….are you teaching it in your home?

How frequently are you teaching this doctrine?

When was the last time you taught it?

Class member:  I think teaching moments happen often if you turn the TV off because you don’t agree with what is on it.  You can just say, “That’s not appropriate.”

Class member:  I think early this week my daughters were with me at the grocery store.  My daughter 9 year old turns around and says, “Is that Miley Cyrus?”  There was this picture of someone on the cover of the magazine.  My daughter said, “That is so immodest.  I just don’t think I’m going to like her anymore.” 

We make that progress as we make those connections. 

This last week my wife had bought some things online, they didn’t fit.  We had to go to the store to exchange it.  We went to the mall.  On the way in a lesbian couple walks in front of us.  There are store fronts that are pornographic.  We both just said, “I don’t want to ever come here again.”  Is this extreme?!?….I’m not going to go into a porn shop and if the mall is teaching that to our kids then I don’t want to be there.

Class member:  Take TV out of your life for 1 month and then turn it back on. You will be re-sensitized.  Those things will be too much.

We watched movies for awhile.  Then we put it away and pulled it back out and then decided they were really disappointed with what they saw.  She said I had a yard sale and sold the TV.  We never watched it.  You can get used to not having Satan in your living room.

Class member:  I have 2 extremely difficult thoughts or feelings that come to me in regards to this.  My 2 older boys, I found it very important that I teach them to focus on who they are and live above other standards.  I keep thinking that there will be a day that they will be accused of something they haven’t done.  This is before they are even teenagers.  I don’t want them to be accused of something if a girl gets mad at them and her Dad presses charges.  We regularly have lessons on the creation and they are good.  Then he created man and he said they are VERY good.  We have to keep that safe.  My other big concern but I have a 5 year old who shows some signs of questioning if he was supposed to be born a boy.  What do I do about that?  If I can kneel in my prayers and Heavenly Father gives me peace to do all I can to help him than I cling to that.  I have to trust that the Lord will make up the difference.

It illustrates the importance of having the Spirit with us at all times.  You are wondering what would I do if that happened with me?  What I have told you so far is to study and learn the doctrine.  You will be guided.

Class member:  Get your thongs when they went out of the boat.  They would laugh because they are “flip-flops”.  Heavenly Father is sending “softer/sensitive” men because it’s the last days.  My kids talk about dating someone not a member of the church.  Dad is a seminary teacher and 16 year old daughter dating a non-member. His approach was let’s see what kind of young man he is.  Let’s take him to church and see what his reaction is.  When you see magazines she says, “It’s sad that she doesn’t even realize she is a daughter of God.”

These were Headlines in the news yesterday (2-27-13)…

• Mom hired strippers for teen party

• Pimps hit Social networks to recruit teen sex workers
• Transgendered girls fight school
• Police: bikini Baristas too Bare
• Kim Kardashian talks babies before marriage--When we hear this we think marriage is just a contract that’s not right.  We minimize the value of marriage as an institution.  Marriage is what God intended it to be.
• College “Sugar babies” date for cash—legal prostitution.  They give them perks and benefits.
• Teen pregnancy problem in rural us
• Miss Delaware Teen USA resigns in midst of porn site scandal
• Fraternity Pays for Brother’s sex change.

If you were Satan what would you do?  You would attack those things that matter most.—Celestial marriage

Satan is doing his busy work.

CDC Trend Study reported August 2012

Girls 15-19—had vaginal intercourse 48% more than that had oral sex.

By age 20-24 85% of girls and boys had vaginal intercourse or oral sex.

Our youth say “oral sex” ok because it is not “going all the way”.  That is a lie!

It goes back to being general and being direct. 

Satan is giving them 1000 hits a day and they are only getting 2 per year from us.  Satan is screaming at them.  There is a tidal wave of sin that is being poured upon these people.  At a certain stage they will stop listening to you.

Class member:  I have 18 year old.  He moved in with his Dad at 17 and Dad doesn’t go to church.  We drilled morality into our children’s head.  Now he is living with an LDS girl in his home.  I looked at him point blank and said, “We do not shack up before we get married?”  Where is the line of agency? 

Cory: At 18 it’s on his side.

When I was on my mission and calling everyone to repentance, my oldest sister had a baby out of wedlock.  She called and told me about it.  I was the one that hadn’t been judgmental I had been open to her.  I was in missionary mode and let her have it.  I said all sorts of things.  She was crying and this was over.  I had 8 months to think about that.  It was the biggest mistake I made was that she needs love.  That is the only thing that will help her at this stage.

An 18 year old is on their own making those choices.  Try to share testimony in the spirit of love as you can.  That’s why starting so early is vital to your success.

You must fight it.  Do not feel because you sat for 2 hours feel like you have done some good to society, but you have not yet, by just listening in class.
Establish a Pattern Early

Very selective about movies, 1 per week, if that.  No TV outside.  Sometimes that’s “Cars”.  We don’t have a lot of movies.  I don’t want him indoctrinated by someone else.  I know you think, “What do you do during the day for babysitting?”  I’m sharing with you some of my experiences.  Some of you have 6 kids and it is like a tornado in your home.  We have a 1 5 year old.  Our circumstance is different.  Do in your setting what the Holy Ghost prompts you.

Modesty- cannot run around naked after his bath.  You body is sacred.  It’s not threatening.

We teach him how to take care of his body.

We teach him the creation and Adam and Eve.  We can’t wait until you are married and we can have 42 grandkids.  He says he is going to live next door to us. We would be thrilled. 

We teach him about marriage.  It is not ok for bys to marry boys or girls to marry girls.

Animals are a great way to teach procreation.  Our chickens lay an egg every day.  We haven’t talked to him about that being like a woman having her period…only every day not once a month.  We can’t have chicks because we don’t have a male and female.

Class member:  Dogs and cats don’t have babies together.  It makes sense.  You teach to them on the level they are at. 

Teach at a level they are at.  When they are ready for more let them ask you questions.  We talk about “The talk”.  I don’t think there should be a “talk”, it should be an ongoing conversation. 

Entertainment & Media
You have to lead by example.

You adults are not doing it. 

I was a seminary teacher when Breaking Dawn was coming out.  I read that statement about viewing anything pornographic in any way in seminary.  Then I pulled up the “Breaking Dawn” rating…

Does that sound like pornography is some way?  There are other things you can do as a parent.  When you read for more information it says this....

I’m imaging a Relief Society Mom taking her daughter to see this as a “bonding” activity.  This is why 80% of my sermon is to you and not your children.  We have to have a deeper testimony of what this is all about.  This wave of sin influences how you feel.  Does it make any sense to take my daughter to that?

IMDB.com (Internet Movie Data Base)—Go to family ratings. 

Common Sense Media— http://www.commonsensemedia.org/

These are tools.  Use them!  This is the problem though…each of us is on our own spiritual progression.  You have to get yourself there and teach your kids.  You won’t be perfect. 

Our problem is that we justify.  It’s not showing people full on having sex in bed.  We are adults and put it in its place.  We do that with TV shows.  Changes need to happen.  You have to raise your own standard of morality! 

Movies – do your homework!  Ratings, commentary, etc.  Don’t listen to the hype!!!

Class member:  I got into all that before the movies.  My kids were little, but now they are growing up.  Now I don’t want to take them.  They grown up and they remember and now they want to watch the movies.  I feel hypocritical.  You can say I realize I made a mistake.

You have to draw your own personal line.  For a period of time you have chosen to give that up.  You have to decide that is no ok.  The sooner you do the better.  You can be a better influence. 

Be authentic in our conversion!  We all have changes that we need to make.

Music is just as dangerous.  (FTSOU—For the strength of youth) 

We have a roadshow in our ward tomorrow.  The youth submitted the lyrics and it has the “f” word 3 times.  Is it the clean version or the explicit one?

We become dictator parents that say, “No you can’t.”  We don’t help them find things that are worth our time and attention. 

13th Article of Faith….we seek after those things.

Sister said…conversation with 12 year old very innocent.  He is reading Harry Potter.  He comes up to her one day (he really is innocent) do you know how they say sometimes your bottom gets hard? She thinks to herself remain calm.  I know that’s true, because it happened to me when I was reading Harry Potter. 

We need to be careful.  It doesn’t matter what it is.

Dating
Make them do it!—Sister makes him go on a date once a month.  These days it’s all about hanging out and you never get to a point to dating.  She has a rule in her family. You cannot do anything co-ed until you are 16.  Today we hang out.  We don’t date.

Difference between going on a group date or hanging out.  There is NO difference.  They are just going out with their friends.  Think about what it is that they are really doing.

Class member:  There was me and a friend and 2 boys and I was oblivious until he said, “I’ll pay for your food.” 

It’s not a privilege when you turn 16. 

No steady dating

Group activity or group date?  Consider if they are the same thing.

No marathon dates!  8 in the morning until 11pm.  You get too comfortable with them.  At 11pm you are too tired, your guard is down.  You are not on your game.  You are weaker. 

Class member:  One of the things my husband is great about is talking to teenagers about it.  “I love him.”  It’s supposed to be that way.  The more time you spend together the more physical you get.  It’s designed by Heavenly Father.  However, the timing is not right.  It doesn’t matter who you are and how old you are.  The more time you spend together the more physical it will get.  When you are married that’s what helps bring  you together and strengthens your marriage.  It’s wrong because of the timing.  It is natural and normal. 

We have to be comfortable not to demonize these feelings. 

He has the hots for this girl.  I can’t be with her anymore.  It’s just an ache.  I can’t be with her anymore.   “Can you imagine if you did steady date this girl why it would be hard to keep your hands off her?”

Son or daughter with boyfriend or girlfriend.  Should any of your kids be a boyfriend or a girlfriend….according to the prophet.  I’m a letter of the law kind of person, but the spirit of the law takes your much further.  The Spirit of the law takes you to a higher standard.  Let’s not compare ourselves to other LDS folks.  Let’s be as responsible as we can.  We cannot get suckered into that. 

TV shows…Modern Family, Homosexual couples that portray it as normal.  There is a gay couple, but they are so funny.  

That is a play right out of the book.  We are fooled by this.  You have to step up your game.

Make sure you can feel the Spirit.

Observance of the “W’s”---Who are you with, Where are you going, When will you leaving/return, What will you be doing.

Class member:  My Mom was kind of sneaky about it.  You don’t want to be stuck to one person.  You want to date and have fun.  It seemed more fun to do it like that.  I didn’t look for a steady boyfriend.  I didn’t feel like I “had” to do that. 

Sometimes that works and sometimes you have that ache and if you can’t be with her you will scream into your pillow. 

Question:  You said no co-ed…does that include stake dances and youth activities?

Answer:  Stake dances are ok, ice cream afterwards or movie or dinner before those are not ok.  We get lost in some of the details.  It’s making all these rules.  What is happening with this group and getting too comfortable.  It shouldn’t be taking them away from their family. 

Class member:  These are all practices too.  We have to listen to the spirit.  What works for one may not work for another.   Our practice is they can’t go out more than one night of the weekend.  With each child…one will fight it and the other will be fine.  It is individual. 

You are parents of your kids for a reason! 

Class member:  I have a little boy…the youngest of 4, 3 older sisters.  Little girls love this little boy.  He came home one day and said Mom I have a girlfriend.  It was just so cute.  It was fun to watch.  I said we don’t date until we are 16.  I know but girls get mad when they break up with them.  He told the girl he couldn’t date until 16.  The girl said I just forgot. 

It opens the door for additional conversations.  You do yourself so many favors by setting your own standards of morality and chastity.  You don’t have to fight as much. 

Dress and Appearance

You must Lead!!!

Any clothing that is tight, sheer or revealing

Take kids shopping.  Help them find what they can wear as opposed to only telling them what they cannot wear.

Think about “where: you are shopping.

Seminary student who always wore the tightest clothes and low cut.  I wanted to just call her out.   I wanted to call her out and tell her he didn’t want to see them.  I wanted to embarrass them. 

Class member:  Anyone that walked into seminary that was immodest got the bathrobe to wear over their clothes. 

My sister has sweaters she makes young women wear if they are immodest.  She trains her boys to not dance with them without wearing the sweater. 

The value you give them is so much greater than one “great” night. 

Class member:  Bishop asked if he was having problems with pornography. It’s hard when you are walking down the halls of your school and it’s just there.  You don’t have to go to a bar to see it. 

The problem I had with preparing for this class is that I get so worked up about it.  I went to find the most juicy stuff.  I realized that I was focusing on Satan and what he is doing.  I felt and absence of the Spirit.  I decided I have to change what I am preparing.  Then I started digging into the doctrine of morality.  The Spirit came back.  I felt very strongly that fire and desire to teach it and to share it. 

Class member:  I have a 15 year old boy.  He loves to compare our family to other families.  He was going to a birthday party with his friends.  Then I started asking the questions because there were girls going.  I really hesitate.  If you get there and there is a girl you call me.  There was one that showed up 5 minutes after the movie started.  He won’t be doing things with those friends anymore.  She is going to have to follow my rules.

My sister is like the warden, more than my mother was.  They can’t do things like other kids do.  People in our city get to know my sister’s standards.  They rented the pool for a party. The Mom called and said I know your rule no co-ed.  We want to invite your family.  She said fat chance. 

Class member:  My Mom did the right thing.  That shirt isn’t quite right.  If you are ready to give that shirt up I will take you to buy something new.  It needs to be their choice. 

Encourage them to use their agency early enough. 

Our Heavenly Father knows the choices we will make.  Be careful about the agency you give them. 

Class member:  When I was talking to my husband, when girls wear T-shirt you can see in the sleeve or down the neckline if it is too loose.  Girls usually dress for other girls not for the guys.  Teenage girls dress for girls. 

You must educate your daughters because we (men) have one track minds. 

Physical Touch
Kissing—casual appreciation vs. arousal

Would you be kissing someone if you don’t go on occasional dates.  At a certain point you shouldn’t even be dealing with it. 

Talk about French Kissing. 

Sex education for your children will happen!  Either you will be the teacher or Satan will be, but it will happen.  I promise you!  Come  to me in 10 years.  Tell me your kid never received it.

The key in anything is “arousal”!   There are lines we have to draw, but we have to talk about arousal.  Those are those feelings that are powerful, sacred, important, and kept within the bounds the Lord has set.  We should not be toying with things that should cause us to have those feelings.

Petting-There are games at school…run hand across shoulder and down the front and if they don’t flinch they get a jelly bracelet.  Our kids need to know that.  When it’s presented in a fun way they are drawn into something wrong.

You should not be touching anyone else. 

No one should be touching you.

Backrubs and hand massage—We think it’s just a casual thing.  You don’t need to be touching them.  If he needs his shoulders massaged he will go see someone.  You don’t need to be touching him or her there.  Can touching your hand arouse you?  Yes…like you won’t believe.  We draw standards.

Laying next to each other—Levi loving and dry humping.  You go through the sex act, but you are not naked.  They are then performing oral sex and they don’t think it’s bad. 

My sister when her kids hit a certain age they go to a hotel and they have girl stuff and paint nails, go to movie, then have “the talk”. 

Dance too closely—shouldn’t happen

Masturbation—the world teaches that this is ok.  This is a way to relieve your sexual anxiety.  This is not ok. 

Body hugs—Hug with leg around them.  Full body contact.  That is not ok. 

Class member:  “Growing up-Gospel answers about masturbation and sex”  Deseret Book ---Great resource!!!

Establish early on…interviews with your kids.  They know and expect it.  You can talk openly and in a safe way. 

I have a family member that wants to be open and honest with them.  She’s teaching them medical terms for body parts.  Trying to be comfortable with it, but it teaches them disrespect for body parts. 

5 year old we talk about front bottom and back bottom.  Eventually we will talk to them about some of those things.  It is…this is what it’s called, but we don’t use that terminology.  It’s because it’s crass.  If you are in a medical office ok, but if you are at school using “vagina” it’s disrespectful.

Class member:  “The Miracle of Forgiveness”  Spencer W Kimball—If you have boys read that on Masturbation.

Sleep overs—No way!

Limit excessive communications on the phone, email, chat rooms, text.  If they are “married” on the phone they are dating.

Never go into a bedroom with the opposite sex.

Refrain from vulgar language.

This is an important work we are doing.  This requires your attention.  This requires your discipline.  You are a hormonal person as well.  You have these same desires.  Control them.  Control yourself.  That will be the best gift you can give your children.  Do not give up.  They are being screamed at every single day in multiple ways…that immoratily, homosexuality is ok.  That marriage is bad.  Having sex is a past time.  Touching other where we shouldn’t is ok.  You MUST TEACH THEM!!!