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Class #2--Creating a House of Order

9/30/2015

1 Comment

 
​Those of you here are here because you are conscientious parents.  You are wanting to have a safe place for your children to come in out of the world.  With that feeling in today’s society many of you are leading your home out of fear.  Fear of what’s in the world, what is coming, of seeing a text you don’t like…etc.  I want to take fear out of it and give you power.  Fear is of Satan.  Heavenly Father says, “Doubt not. Fear not.” You don’t even realize that your leadership is based on fear.  Think about the things that are concerning you.  Is it faith or fear that prompts you in the way you react to your children?
 
Sometimes we get a little overzealous in doing it right.  
30 MINUTES
It Takes Only Thirty Minutes a Day
By Barbara Stockwell, mother of four and social worker, teaches Relief Society lessons in her Springfield, Oregon, Ward.   Ensign July 1982
 
A few weeks ago I read an article about the importance of studying scriptures, so I set my alarm for thirty minutes earlier every day.  Then I remembered that I should write in my journal every day, so I stayed up a half-hour later each night.  Then last week in Relief Society we were admonished to exercise daily to keep our bodies fit, so I got up a little earlier each day to jog.
 
Later in the week, I read a magazine article that promised me beautiful skin in only fifteen minutes a day, and another one said that a half-hour a day of meditation could change my life.  A self-help book told me I should spend at least thirty minutes a day visualizing my desires and repeating positive affirmations.  I had to get up earlier to do this.
 
Still, I was able to squeeze other activities into my already heavily scheduled day.  I learned to do the pelvic tilt to relieve my lower back pain while driving to work.  And I did my isometric exercises while at my desk.  I cut my lunch hour in half in order to read the Ensign.  In only half an hour a day I was able to finish it before the next one came…except for the conference issue.  For that I stayed up a little at night and read, after my goal planning was done.  Another women’s magazine said I could give myself professional nail care in only ten minutes a day.  It also suggested that a foot soak after work would do wonders to relieve tiredness.  I tried to do that while I was preparing dinner, but I got so relaxed I kept dropping the carrot sticks in the gravy.  Dinner would have to be delayed a little, and that would push bedtime back about a half-hour.  But it was all worth it; I was becoming a new woman.
 
I learned in a class on success that the only way to make it in life is to write a “to-do” list each night and then review it every morning to set priorities for the day.  It only takes a few minutes and saves a lot of time in the long run.  And did you know that if you spend only an extra forty-five minutes a day on house work you never have to get bogged down in spring cleaning?
 
It is marvelous how many things can be done in such a short time, and I would feel negligent if I said I couldn’t find those few minutes.  After all, is a few minutes a day for all that improvement too much to ask?  I can always set the alarm a little earlier.
 
But last night as I was setting the alarm after my prayers I realized it was time to get up and jog.  Maybe I should make out a new schedule; it will only take a few minutes.
​
​Do you feel that way sometimes?  It will only take a few minutes, but I can do that too.  You have done a few minutes that there is nothing left.  In taking fear out of our homes and plugging in faith I like the statement….
No other work transcends that of righteous, intentional parenting!

Russell M Nelson "The Sabbath is a Delight" April 2015​
The keywords are—righteous & intentional.
 
We are concerned about the righteous part, but I’m not so sure we are as concerned with the ‘intentional’ part.  As you sit here and we talk about parenting your goals are righteous.  You have righteous desires, but when the day hits, we tend to actually parent reactively.  We feel like we have no control because we have given up our control.  Instead of having intentional parenting we have reactive parenting.  Then our righteous parenting becomes a wish.  We are so governed by busyness that we give up our power to stuff. 
 
As your children get older you will understand that even more.  You think you have no power when they are little, but when they are older you feel like you have no power either. 
 
We have to have a plan.  We have to have a vision and idea of what that means.  How do you create that? 
The Processionary Caterpillar

The noted French naturalist, Jean Henri Fabre`, studied this unique little furry insect in great detail. What makes this caterpillar special is its instinct to follow in lock step the caterpillar in front of it. This behavior, not only gives the caterpillar its name, but a deadly characteristic also.

Fabre` demonstrated this unusual behavior with a simple experiment. He took a flowerpot and placed a number of caterpillars in single-file around the circumference of the pot's rim. Each caterpillar's head touched the caterpillar in front of it. Fabre` then placed the caterpillars' favorite food in the middle of the circle created by the caterpillars' procession around the rim of the flowerpot. Each caterpillar followed the one ahead thinking that it was heading for the food. Round and round went those silly insects--for seven days! After a week of this mindless activity, the caterpillars started to drop dead because of exhaustion and starvation. All that they had to do to avoid death was to stop the senseless circling of the flower pot and head directly toward the food-less than six inches away from those ever-circling crawlers. However, the processionary caterpillars were locked into this lifestyle and couldn't extricate themselves from this mindless behavior.

​A lot of the times we are just going around in a circle.  We are busy!  I solve problems, run errands, run taxi, etc… You think, “All I’m doing is Parenting.”  Yes you are busy if you are just running around the top of the pot you are not necessarily establishing a Christ Centered Home and your family may spiritually starve to death. 
 
How do we get ourselves and our family off the terra cotta pot. 

​M Russell Ballard…“Be Strong in the Lord”  Ensign, July 2004
 
“…One of the ways Satan lessens your effectiveness and weakens your spiritual strength is by encouraging you to spend large blocks of your time doing things that matter very little. I speak of such things as sitting for hours on end watching television or videos, playing video games night in and night out, surfing the Internet, or devoting huge blocks of time to sports, games, or other recreational activities.
 
Don’t misunderstand me. These activities are not wrong in and of themselves (unless, of course, you are watching salacious programs or seeking out pornographic images on the Internet). Games, sports, recreational activities, and even television can be relaxing and rejuvenating, especially in times when you are under stress or heavily scheduled. You need activities that help you to unwind and rest your minds. It is healthy to go onto the soccer field or the basketball court and participate in vigorous physical activity.
But I speak of letting things get out of balance. It is not watching television, but watching television hour after hour, night after night. Does not that qualify as idling away your time? What will you say to the Lord when He asks what you have done with the precious gift of life and time? Surely you will not feel comfortable telling Him that you were able to pass the 100,000-point level in a challenging video game.
 
One devastating effect of idling away our time is that it deflects us from focusing on the things that matter most. Too many people are willing to sit back and let life just happen to them. It takes time to develop the attributes that will help you to be a well-balanced person.
​
ulie B Beck “Choose Ye This Day” BYU Women’s Conference April 2010

“We know that there are some essential things that must be taken care of if we are going to achieve eternal life. Those things are making and keeping covenants and doing the things the Lord expects us to do. … Every day we start by doing those essential things. It’s not a long list; it’s a few things that tell the Lord we’re aligned with Him. …

We have a long list of necessary things. These are the things that help keep life moving. Then we have the list of things that are nice to do. But if we spend our time on that list, and essentials haven’t been taken care of first, then we’re not lined up with our Heavenly Father. [The "nice" things] won’t save us.”
​
​Essential are things that take your family to the Celestial Kingdom…Baptism, Temple Covenants, Sacrament, Personal Prayers, FHE, Family Scripture Study, Family Prayers, Date night
 
Necessary---eating, grocery shopping, cleaning, taxi service, things you have to do to keep your family going.
 
Nice things---texting, playing games, most phone calls, Pinterest, things we like to do..fun things. 
 
We get up and do necessary things because they have to be done.  Then we go to nice things then we get irritated when someone bugs us when we are in our nice place.  My kids come home from school and start bugging me when I’m cutting my quilt blocks.  We get irritated/frustrated when we are pulled out of our nice things.
 
What happens to essential things?  You are shutting them down and don’t validate their feelings.  These essential things are the ones that get kicked out of the day. 
 
Class member:  We did the class analogy in FHE.  Essentials are the big rocks that go in the jar.  Pebbles are necessary things.  Sand is the nice things.  If you put the essentials in there first you can fit everything in, but if you put the sand in first you can’t fit everything else in. 
 
We need to always put the essential things in the day first.  The rest will take care of itself. 
 
In the beginning when Heavenly Father created the earth he organized matter.  Divided light from dark, mountains & streams, plants, animals, humans, rested.  He did it in segments.  He didn’t go out and organize the whole thing in one day.  As you try to create order in your family you aren’t going to go home and do it this afternoon.  We need to follow the Lord’s plan.  We do it in order. 
 
Order is what we want to create in our home.  Next he created them spiritually first and then created them physically.  Let’s take this down to us in our home. 
 
These are the house plans for the home I am living in right now.  If you were a builder these things would mean something to you.  If you weren’t a builder they would be interesting.  Each page shows something different---joists, plumbing, electrical, etc.  Before we can dig the hole the plans go to planning and zoning to have the approval.  This is the “Spiritual Planning”.  You bring plans first then get a permit. 
 
If he decides to change something the inspector will put a red flag on it because it’s different from the plans.  You have to go back to Planning & Zoning to change the plans.  There is a process of organization that goes into creating. 
D&C 88:119
​Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;



Organize
Prepare
​Establish 

How do we take this plan to create our family structure?  This scripture is the Lord’s blue print.  How do I go from that to my house? 
 
Organize yourself.  Will my plans look like your house?  No.  We have different things, but it can all comply with code.  The code is the principles/doctrine.  We each have to comply to that, but within that our homes can be totally different.  What you do in your home with your family you create your blueprint. 
 
What is your house going to look like?  It’s going to be yours.  Pull your kids in.  Pull your husband in.  Create this vision of what you want your home and family to look like. 
​
Your kids say…I wasn’t immoral so why are you on me?  You don’t give them that vision until they were in trouble. 
 
We have to create this vision and they need to be part of it.  You sit down together and you create a plan.  This plan needs to be something they can see.  Something they can feel.  Something they can identify with. 

​President Uchdorf…”Forget me nots”  He talked about the ‘what, how, and why’ of the gospel.  When we teach our children what (that’s the rules) the how (in our family we will…), but we never teach the why. 
 
I want you to start with the ‘why’. 

Family Mission Statements

​It sets the foundation for what we want to do.  The mission statement is the ‘picture’. 

Organize—Everything created spiritually before physically
Mission Statement  = What & How

Here are some examples of family mission statements....
With permission, President Cobb of the Kuna Idaho Stake Presidency shared his family statement and motto…
Family Statement:  “Our home will be founded upon the principles of faith, prayer, order, respect, love and gratitude.  As a family we will go to church together, have family home evening together, eat together, read scriptures together, work together, pray together, and play together. As we do these things, we will have a Christ-centered home where the Spirit is present.” 

Family motto is: “Be there!”

Picture
Picture
Picture

Family Mottos


​It’s a one liner. 

​Examples....
“Be there.”

“We can do hard things.”

“And they lived after the manner of happiness.”

Class member:  Developed a shadow box with an arrow.  Our motto is “Becoming a shaft in the quiver of the Lord”. 
 
“Shake some hell”.  (If all were or could be like Moroni all would be shaken…)
​Prepare every needful thing. 
This is me here and now.  This is a time, place, & action.  This is where you get what you need…scriptures, notebook.  This is when we had the materials delivered to the lot.  You have to get them thinking.  Get some enthusiasm.  “Prepare” is an essential part in Family Home Evening. 
 
Establish…
What is an Endowment Fund at a college?  I am independently wealthy.  I’m going to die.  I have $15 million.  I will endow BYU with my $15 million.  BYU cannot spend the principle.  They work off the interest of that endowment.  They can do scholarships or build building or whatever.  If it is given as a ‘gift’ they can use it for anything. 
 
You put them in place and they will be there forever! You are not going to read your scriptures for 2 days and then quit.  That’s the goal.  Real life will kick in and you might miss some days. 
 
Do a family mission statement, symbol, cheer, motto.  They need to pull in and feel part of it and govern themselves against what your family looks like. 

Creating Order

DAILY ORDER....
D&C 88:124

Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.

​
This is what Satan does to keep you from organizing your own family temple.  Some of us need to work hard at our children not having ‘idle’ time. 
 
Idle = Busy, but not moving forward
Unclean = anything that would chase the Spirit away.  This could be the books you read, the movies you watch, TV, violent games, excessive lightmindedness.  Does that mean you have to be solemn?  No, but you know when it passes the line of just being fun and happy., language (sarcasm, vulgar language), clothes
 
Cease to find fault one with another = Do you criticize your children in the guise of helping them be better?  Sarcasm, name calling

Class member:  "Sarcasm is truth wrapped in barbed wire."
 
Cease to sleep longer than is needful—retire to thy bed early that you might not be weary. Arise early that your minds and bodies might be invigorated—Go to bed early with your kids and then get up.  If you get 6 hours of sleep at night and go to bed at 1am and get up at 7am.  OR you could go to bed at 9pm and get up at 3am. 
 
I can tell you this, but you have to try it.  You won’t believe it until you try it yourself. 

ORDER IN SEASONS....
Order in space = home is clean and order, your house can be lived in, you can have clutter, but live in cleanliness.  You need to have children have order in space.  They need to have a place to put them away.  Teach children about a place.  Books—need bookcases.  There needs to be a place for things to go.  When you say to clean a room the children need to know where to put things. 
 
Order in time = this is what you do with your day.  This is where we put in essentials first.  Prayer—morning & night, Personal Prayer—morning & night, FHE, Family scripture study, you have to look at what you are sacrificing because it’s too busy.  You are still teaching something. 
 
Essentials---FHE every week, Family prayer twice every day, Personal prayer twice every day, Temple Attendance as often as possible, Keeping Sabbath Day Holy
 
Kindergarten student goes in is very nervous.  After about 3-4 days they are really happy to go because they know what is going to happen.  Your children will know what will happen. 
 
Negotiable/work on but necessary—what time do you get up in the morning, when are you having scriptures, what time will family dinner be, what time will children do their jobs, what time do they get to play, what time is bedtime, what time do they get to have friends, what time do they get electronics, what time will cell phones be docked at night, what time is curfew and does it change with age.
 
In teaching order you are teaching respect. 

RITES OF PASSAGE....
​​In our society there is nothing that says you are becoming an adult.  A 3 year old and a 73 year old Grandma will wear the same clothes.  Everybody looks the same.  Because of our society and because of the age of entitlement and because we have adults that think we should work the least amount possible and play the most amount possible.  We have adults that are not growing up to be responsible. 
 
As you get older I expect more out of you. 
 
Can you get baptized at 7 ½ or 2 weeks before you are 8 years old?  No!  They should be in cement. 
 
Age you could get your ears pierced….in our home the age was 15. It was not an argument.  Because I set it for the oldest it was in concrete.  You don’t change it. 
 
You need to pick a FEW of those and don’t change them.  When all of her boys turn 16 and ready to date they have to take Mom out first…or Dad takes the girls out first. 
 
When do you get to stop taking a nap or quiet time.
 
What do you do when they get baptized?  What will be your plan?  What are you going to do for graduation?  What are you going to do for marriages?
 
Class member:  Listening during sacrament meeting…at a certain age they can get out an activity.  As they get older they have to wait for the 1st speaker to get done before they can get something out.  Until they get to a certain age where they listen through the whole meeting. 
 
Fasting would be another one.  Children need to be taught to fast.  They need to have some discretion about when and how to fast. ​
HOMEWORK:
Family Mission Statement---Address it.  Think about it.  Talk to your family about it.  Begin the operation of organizing and creating.
 
Look at your Weekly/Daily Schedule.  Is your family organized?  Do you have order in your home?  Does everyone know it.
 
Read the talk Larry Lawrence November 2010 “Courageous Parenting”
 
​Story---
My brother was a 3 sport all state athlete, handsome, tall.  When he was on his mission he had a dream.  He knew he was supposed to carry that log up that hill.  He started up the incline of this hill.  The further up the hill he got the more tired he got.  He cut off a piece of the log and he could carry it easier again.  It was just too heavy again so he cut off another piece and he took the rest to the top of the hill.  There was a meadow.  He knew that he couldn’t put the log down.  He saw this white city, but just before he got to the gates of the city there was this deep chasm.  He then knew his log was the bridge.  The log was too short and fell down into the chasm. 
 
Don’t cut off the essential things.  They are your bridge to the Celestial Kingdom.  They are the bridge for your family to walk on.  Don’t cut them off because you are tired or weary.  I testify that the Lord will send angels to bind you up and carry you.  The angels are there to comfort you, guide you, and carry you. 
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Class #1 (Follow Up) Personal Revelation

9/24/2015

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​Class member:  I did my 2 questions.  We did our activity days and had the girls do questions.  I had my sacrament moment.  I actually did what I was supposed to, to make my husband feel more loved.  When he gets home from work I usually don’t go up to him.  Our dogs maul him and make him feel loved, and I’m busy.  So I met him at the door.  My question…How can I stay close to my kids as adults? 
 
How old are your kids right now?
 
Class member: 8 & 9 both girls. 
 
You build the foundation in your family now or when they are adults it’s not there.  
 
Class member:  I want what we have now to carry over. 
 
Are you different this week than you were last week? 
 
Class member:  Yes.  I changed my percentages. 
 
Class member:  One of my questions is one that I have been thinking about for awhile, my 11 year old and I have been struggling big time.  My question is….What can I do to help her feel loved?  I want her to know that she is loved and wanted. 
 
Class member:  You talked about listening to our prayers and not to make a ‘to do’ list.  I found that really hard.  I was wording it as a to do list.  This week it was more focused on ‘How can I do this or that?’  When I focused on what I was saying it made a big difference in how I pray. 
 
When we discover this in ourselves and we are trying to change them, it’s hard.  We don’t want to go back and do what we have always done. 
 
Class member:  I wanted to take more quiet time to think about praying.  Finding a time where I can really focus on that.  It has made a big difference in how I have handled things during the day.
 
I would invite you to ponder a little bit more and create a question to take to Conference.
 
Class member:  One question you asked in the night class was to tell when the spirit leaves or be aware of that.  I noticed that this week.  I was very patient in my parenting when I had the spirit.  I view my children differently.  When the spirit isn’t there, I’m quicker to react and more harsh.  I’ve been working hard to invite the spirit because I’m a better parent when I have it with me.
 
Class member:  My husband was here last week, but then went out of town.  We were talking over the phone.  He said he had a note pad and a pen.  He said I woke up 7 times during the night and wrote things down.  He’s been really happy with the personal revelation and paying attention to his prayers.  It’s been really good for us.  I have been doing the scripture study part of receiving personal revelation.  We’ve had some really good discussions.  
 
Are you different today than you were a week ago? 
 
Class member:  I’m working on it. 
 
You have been aware of and had more of the Spirit.
 
Class member:  I didn’t work on my homework very well, but I am great at rolling out of bed and onto my knees to say my prayers, but it’s pretty repetitive.  We kind of pray for the same things in family prayer too. The night we had that really big storm, I made sure that night to say we were thankful for the storm.  To incorporate those daily things the Lord puts into our lives we need to be grateful for.
 
We talked a little bit before we prayed…if you think first about some of the things that you are grateful for and that you need help with before you actually begin your prayers you invite the Holy Ghost to teach you how to pray in that moment.  The Holy Ghost will teach you what questions to ask to Heavenly Father so you can be taught.  It’s ok to not know how to do something. 
 
Class member:  I made my husband lunch all week so that saved me $40 this week.  He was grateful for it.  I also tried to teach my kids to serve your siblings also.  They only think about themselves. 
 
Class member:  We had Stake Conference last weekend.  I already had my questions so I thought I would do a test run.  I got some answers at Stake Conference.  I thought…I could do that every week. I could go to Sacrament Meeting with questions.  The first couple of days as I’m trying to make my prayers more purposeful things went great.  I could feel that Satan knew I was trying hard because I was trying.  Satan is working very hard on me.
 
Satan is as actively engaged as Heavenly Father is.  As you make effort you will feel Satan working on you.  I want you to say, “Hooray for Zion! Even Satan knows I’m doing it right.”  Usually Satan is so subtle that we just say, “I knew I could never do it.  I knew I couldn’t handle that.”  We take it as a self evaluation instead of saying “Get thee hence!” and move forward. 
 
I want you to know that when we share we get good ideas.  It shows that you are trying and you are changing.  I want you to see that with each other.  If you even attempt or try your family will change because you change, as you change your environment changes, even catching yourself one time and keep the peaceful feeling in your home.  Just attempt it for 1 week.  You won’t have mastered those things.  After the 10 weeks, my invitation/challenge for you is that you continue with one or two things.  Keep something going.  It will have made a difference.
 
If your car is running low on gas and I tell you that you have to do one more thing today (put gas in the car), it still requires effort, but the blessing is that you can keep going. 
 
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Class #1 Receiving Personal Revelation

9/17/2015

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On the top of a piece of paper write…

“What do you do really well in parenting?”   Do you know what the problem is with this question?  


Class member:  Our focus is on what we do wrong not what we do well.   

  If you don’t have something positive how do you build on it if you can’t find it?  If you only look at negatives in parenting (we do it in humility) you create negative.  We have to change our focus.  I want you to start thinking about what you do right in parenting.  Your whole feeling will change when you look at the things you do right.  Is this vanity?  No!  The Savior said, “Come Follow Me.”  That is absolutely humility.  He knows he is like the Father.  


  When we say “I have great FHE in our family.” And we give the credit to Heavenly Father it is in humility.  

  Write down…
  “Something you would like to improve in your home.”

  Write down…
  “Specifically (not in generals) what goal will you do to make your spouse more happy.”  This should be something you can fit into your routine to make your life easier.  


  Will someone share one of their 3 things they wrote down? 

  Class member: Something I do well…I have a daughter 11, son 7…every night I go into their room and tell them 1 thing that I love about them each night.  We don’t forget it.  We do it every night.  It brings everything together.   

  Class member:  Something I’m going to do for my husband….I’m going to mop the floor for my husband.  I sweep the floor and spot clean, but I’m really bad about cleaning the whole floor.  That will make him really happy.

  Class member:  Something I’m going to do for my husband…My husband has always wanted me to just come sit with him.  That’s when I want to pick up after the kids or do the dishes.  I will just go sit with him when he wants me to. 

Class member:  Something I’m going to do for my husband…My husband works from home.  I think one thing I can do is speak more kindly to my kids.  We just need to be a little more quiet. 

   Class member:  Goal…I assume the worst when I deal with my kids.  I need to give them the benefit of the doubt.  


  This is because she has really good kids and is afraid that they are going to make mistakes.  Sometimes it’s because they are such good kids.

  Class member:  Goal…Mine is to stop yelling.  My husband came home and said listen to how you are talking to the kids.  I don’t need to seem like I’m yelling each time I tell them something.  


  We are so intense about it that they think we are really mad.  You really aren’t mad, but your body language and voice say you are.

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger-printed, and photographed, and then placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car!"


We need to change our paradigm.    

Write down…
 “A goal (a simple one) that you want to accomplish in your life in the next 10 weeks.”  It can be anything.    

  Ponder pad…anything thought you have as we talk about class.  You will have specific ideas about specific members of your family.  Jot it down and think about it later.  Don’t let them go.  They may not come back.  It may be pure inspiration.  

HOMEWORK:  I want you to take this goal and formulate 2 questions from it.  

Example…
  Goal:  Be more patient with my children.
  Question…How do I learn to speak in a soft voice?
  Question…What can I do to help them listen to me before I’m yelling?

  The answers will help you achieve the goal.  

   Then take a written copy of the questions to conference with you.  As you listen to conference those questions will be answered either through a speaker or through the Spirit. 


Conference Story….”The Music of the Gospel”  April 2015 Conference

Years ago I listened to a radio interview of a young doctor who worked in a hospital in the Navajo Nation. He told of an experience he had one night when an old Native American man with long braided hair came into the emergency room. The young doctor took his clipboard, approached the man, and said, “How can I help you?” The old man looked straight ahead and said nothing. The doctor, feeling somewhat impatient, tried again. “I cannot help you if you don’t speak to me,” he said. “Tell me why you have come to the hospital.”

The old man then looked at him and said, “Do you dance?” As the young doctor pondered the strange question, it occurred to him that perhaps his patient was a tribal medicine man who, according to ancient tribal customs, sought to heal the sick through song and dance rather than through prescribing medication.

“No,” said the doctor, “I don’t dance. Do you dance?” The old man nodded yes. 

Then the doctor asked, “Could you teach me to dance?

The old man’s response has for many years caused me much reflection. “I can teach you to dance,” he said, “but you have to hear the music.”

Sometimes in our homes, we successfully teach the dance steps but are not as successful in helping our family members to hear the music. And as the old medicine man well knew, it is hard to dance without music. Dancing without music is awkward and unfulfilling—even embarrassing. Have you ever tried it?

We are too focused on teaching the dance steps (prayer, scriptures, etc), but we aren’t really hearing the music.    

What would it be like to listen to your own personal prayers?  If you were another person who could see into your mind…hearing your feelings and your thoughts all about your personal prayers.  What would it be like to you if you heard your own personal prayers? 

The beginning of personal revelation is prayers.  We have to learn how to pray so we can get the answers.  

Example:  What can I do about Johnny?  He is so sassy.  What do I do about Suzy who is boy crazy already?  Mary is so impatient.  What can I do about her?

We pray a job list for Heavenly Father.  We are doing ‘Heavenly Father would you make Mary more patient.’  We are asking Heavenly Father to take away their agency.  Just because we can’t do it we can’t ask Him to do it for us. 

Heavenly Father will always answer your prayers!  Some of you think…I pray because it’s what I’m supposed to do.  I just pray.  If I said to you give me the answers.  What is the revelation coming back to you?  Most of you have the feeling that we are supposed to pray and it’s a commandment and I do it.  That is not enough.  We have to make this (prayer) a communication.  We have to be able to tell him the problem, but also hear the answer.  

This is a bit extreme, but think about this….  
I have a son who wanted to improve his prayers.  He is a bishop.  He works very hard at finding solutions.   Bishops carry a huge burden.  He just wants to help those who come to him with problems.  My son said, “I decided I was going to do a search on prayer.”  I read through the Book of Mormon and highlighted everything that had to do with prayer.  What does real prayer look like?  With real intent…diligently….morning/noon/night.  I was working on making my prayers meaningful.  I decided I would take a tape recorder.  I set it up and said my prayers out loud and then a couple of days later I listened to the recording.  My prayer consisted of asking the Lord to take away others agency.    

How do you pray so you can get answers for your family?  When you get the answer how do you know you got an answer?  

This was his quest.  

Change your paradigm about prayer.  

What does personal prayer look like?    

Class member:  I usually give a bulk of what I’m thankful for.  

The purpose of that is to create the spirit of humility to listen.

Class member:  We ask for things.   

  Do we make it His job list?  Would you please make me more patient?  What would like Him to do?  He will send you more trials so you can learn to be more patient.  None of this is new, but the question is… “What is your mental condition when you pray?”     

  Usually our mental condition is…I need to say my prayers.  In the background you are hearing the kids bouncing around.  You think I need to unload the dishwasher.    Our mind is kind of like a ping pong ball.  

Class member:  I started saying my evening prayers when I put my kids to bed at 8pm.  I stayed up to 11pm, but said my prayers at 8pm.  I needed to give it a better priority and time slot in my day.    

  The Lord didn’t say…be sure your prayer is at 7am and 10:05pm.  Your morning prayer can be after your kids go to school.     

  Prayer is hard!  We make prayer easy.  One of them is work.  Prayer is work…spiritual work.  Usually when we make it easy we don’t reach heaven.  Does that mean that every prayer you ever say has to be a ‘major thing’?  You have to realize that prayer is work. 

  Example….

When you teach a young person how to clean a bathroom…it is a nightmare.  It is hard work.  They complain about it.  It takes them forever.  They have the toilet clean now they have to clean the bathtub.  Then you have to do the mirror and the cupboard.  You in love and patience teach him how to do it.  Now they have  been cleaning the bathroom for 5 years and you say…Go in and clean the bathroom.  Does he know what to do?  Yes.  Does it take him 2 ½ hours?  No. They may skip a bunch, but they know how to do it right.   

  Take that example to prayer….You have to pay the price.  It is work.  After you do it for awhile it is part of your life.  It’s not this major experience every morning and night.  It is how you live.  You live in a mode of revelation.  If you want to live in continual revelation for yourself and your family you go through the hard stuff of doing it right then you live in revelation.  It is hard in the beginning.  

Preparation for Prayer….

It’s not an event that happens 5 minutes before you kneel down.  You live to be worthy of continuous revelation.  You are going to read the scriptures daily.  You are going to keep a notebook of spiritual impressions.     

Richard G Scott said If we don’t write down the impressions  Heavenly Father gives us he will stop giving it to us because we are saying what isn’t important. 

  “Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayer” (Richard G Scott)

“How to Obtain Revelation & Inspiration for your Personal Life” (Richard G Scott)

You keep this notebook of spiritual impressions while you are reading your scriptures.  We talk to Heavenly Father through prayer.  He speaks to us through scriptures, the prophet, the Holy Ghost, temple, hymns, sacrament meetings, class, talking to a friend, walking down the street looking at the rain & sun & trees.  If you put your mind in a receptive mode is there anywhere you can’t receive revelation? 

We aren’t looking at the answers we receive as revelation.  If we want to receive revelation on something or understanding, that thing has to stay in our head so we can be aware of.  We should prayer every morning for the companionship of the Holy Ghost and how to recognize it.  We become so used to the Spirit being with us and guiding us that we don’t listen. 

Elder Scott said that  Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy and taking the Sacrament with real intent  invited revelation all week. 

“How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life”  (Richard G Scott)

Some of you have a whole bunch of little tiny people.  It’s hard to ponder during the Sacrament when you have a 3 yr old and a baby.  During the Sacrament you may be saying…”shhhh”.  You can have a Sacrament moment Saturday night or Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning.  You must have a Sacrament moment…hopefully during the sacrament, but if that isn’t possible you have to have a Sacrament moment.  As you do those things you open yourself to receive revelation. 

Elder Richard G Scott “To Acquire Spiritual Guidance”  October 2009

“Spirituality yields two fruits. The first is inspiration to know what to do. The second is power, or the capacity to do it. These two capacities come together.”

The Spirit works upon me.  I am praying to learn how to be more humble.  That’s my prayer.  I pray it in the morning.  About 3pm while I am making bread the Spirit whispers to me (it’s an idea or a thought—that’s why we often disregard it.  The more we disregard it the harder it is to hear it.) ‘Sister Jones could really use some of that bread.’  If my first thought is…I have so much to do this afternoon…what have we done?  We have shut the door on the Holy Ghost.  What if our first thought is….How can I make that happen?  Then the Holy Ghost shows you how to do it because you have listened and acknowledged acceptance of the prompting.  As soon as you shut the door to it, it goes away.  

Sometimes that is not our first thought, but we can repent and change our first thought very quickly. Repentance is just to change.  Change your thought…”How can I make this happen?”  Does it matter if you take bread to Sister Jones?  Not in the big scale of things.  If you didn’t you aren’t going to outer darkness.  The more often you heed the little promptings the Lord can trust you and He will give you greater promptings.  

Story…
Brother Meyers heard that Brother Brown was clear out of flower.  He took what flour he had and divided it in 2 bags.  There was a knock on the door.  There stood Brother Brown.  He said, “I am clear out of flour.  I have been to many homes to ask for help and everyone said no.”  I was so distraught.  I knelt down a prayed.  The prompting came that I should come to you.  Brother Meyers gave him the bag of flour.  If the Lord told you to come you don’t have to repay it.  Then he knelt down to pray and said, “Heavenly Father I am grateful that you knew you could trust me to be there.”     

Does Heavenly Father feel like he can send them to you because you are trustworthy? 

We need to not question what Heavenly Father tells us they need.

Example…

Johnny is 8.  He is sassy and ornery.  You constantly nag him and he teases and fights and won’t do his homework.  You feel helpless.  You go to the Lord and say, “I don’t know what to do with this kid.  He is ruining our whole family. I don’t even like him.”  The next day you feel the prompting that says get him out of school and take him to lunch.  You say, “You have to be kidding me.  He hasn’t earned a privilege like that.”  Or you can say, “Ok.  I don’t understand it.  I don’t think he deserves it, but I will do it.”    

What did you do to activate revelation?  You prayed and acted.  The act of obedience invites more revelation.   

On the way to pick him up the Spirit says, “How many times have I forgiven you when you didn’t deserve it?”  You get him and take him to lunch and tell him how special he is.  It fills up his bank account.  He says, “Mom I didn’t think you loved me anymore.”  Because you were willing to listen to the promptings then the Lord answers your prayers as well as the child’s prayers. 

We have a preconceived notion of what the answer should be.  We don’t listen for answers.  We wait until we get what we think the answer should be.  The Lord seldom answers my prayers my way.  I have been through some pretty rocky experiences in my life.  I have begged and begged for guidance and answers.  

Example…Someone close did some things to offend me.  I didn’t do anything.  I was the innocent victim.  I prayed and wanted the Lord to change that person.  The answer was not to change them but to love them and forgive them.  What we really want…revenge.  That wasn’t the answer. 

Richard G Scott gave talks about abuse.  Forgive them. 

“To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse” (April 2008)

You get the revelation and then the Holy Ghost empowers you.  Through the Atonement you can.  

We have to be careful not to decide the answer in our head.  You have to listen with an open mind.  

Example…

I have a child who is struggling in school.  Sally is very shy.  They don’t want to go in alone.  They are glued to you.  They really are frightened.  Their fears are real.  You are praying about it.  How do I help her?  What do I do?  Inspiration says visit Sister James (an older sister in the ward).  You think…I’m not responsible for her.  You take Elder Scott’s counsel.  You go in Sister James house.  She is a delightful lady.  You share with her your problem.  She says one of my children was like that.  Let me tell you some of the things that worked for us.  

Be careful that we don’t push aside inspiration that comes. 


In a talk in November 2009, Elder Richard G. Scott shared an experience that taught him how to gain spiritual guidance.  He said he was sitting in a Priesthood meeting in a small Spanish Branch in Mexico City.  As he sat there he began to receive personal impressions as an extension of the principles taught in the lesson.  They came as answers to prolonged prayers he had been asking.  As each impression came, he carefully wrote it down.  After the class, he pondered each impression that he had recorded, pondered the feeling to see if he had accurately expressed them in writing.  Then he studied their meaning and application in his life.  After he had pondered on them, he prayed expressing to the Lord the things he had been taught by the Spirit.  When a feeling of peace came, he thanked Heavenly Father for the guidance given.  Then he was impressed to ask, “Was there yet more to be given?”  Further impressions came, were recorded, pondered, and prayed over and again the prayer, “Is there more I should know?”


"When that last, most sacred experience was concluded, I had received some of the most precious, specific, personal direction I could hope to obtain in this life.  Had I not responded to the first impressions and recorded them, I would not have received the last, most precious guidance.”   (“To Acquire Spiritual Guidance”  Ensign, November 2009)

The steps Elder Scott outlines are:

  1. Pray for guidance
  2. Always be receptive to an answer
  3. Write down the impressions
  4. Ponder them to see if the feeling had been expressed accurately
  5. Study their meaning for personal application
  6. Pray, express to the Lord what the Spirit had taught and ask if it is correct
  7. Act on the inspiration
  8. Pray to know if there is more
  9. When further impressions come start the process over

Why don’t we work that hard at it?  Because it’s work!  If we really want revelation from the Lord and to be guided in our life that has to be the focus.  This is really good for biggies.  It could be big to improve your relationship in your marriage, losing weight, with a child…not necessarily our house burned down and I lost my job.  

You have to find a way to make it work always.  

The scriptures say…“Pray always”.  You don’t always have to be on your knees.  You are always thinking about the things you pray for.  

In the evening sometime when you are alone you have a quiet moment…this is every day…just a moment…think about what you prayed for.  Then see how it was answered.  Open your mind.  Those who were given the Holy Ghost at age 8 we tend to be blind because we are used to them.  It’s not being indifferent.  We just are not paying attention.
 

Elder Bednar…Oct 2013 “The Windows of Heaven”  

“We often receive significant but subtle blessings that are not always what we expect and easily can be overlooked. 

Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and resilience.”

In the evenings look back over blessings you have requested and ways they have been answered with an open heart and an open mind.  Pray for the ability to see the answers.  Heavenly Father is very present in your daily life.

“Sometimes you may struggle with a problem and not get an answer.  What could be wrong?  It may be that you are not doing anything wrong.  It may be that you have not done the right things long enough.  Remember, you cannot force spiritual things.  Sometimes we are confused simply because we won’t take “no” for an answer… 

Put difficult questions in the back of your minds and go about your lives.  Ponder and pray quietly and persistently about them… The answer may not come as a lightning bolt.  It may come as a little inspiration here and a little there, line upon line, precept upon precept (D&C 98:12).  Some answers will come from reading the scriptures, some from hearing speakers.  And, occasionally, when it is important, some will come by very direct and powerful inspiration.  The promptings will be clear and unmistakable.”   (President Boyd K. Packer, “Prayers & Answers” Ensign, Nov. 1979, 21)

We need to decide what happens in our home that makes the Spirit leave.  Most of us if we are living the gospel and are trying the Spirit is there.  

  Emotions when you have the Spirit….

  1. You feel happy, calm, & clear-minded
  2. You feel generous
  3. You wouldn’t mind everybody seeing what you are doing
  4. You are eager to be with people and want to make them happy.
  5. You are glad when others succeed.
  6. You are glad to attend your meetings and participate in church activities.
  7. You feel like praying.
  8. You wish you could keep all the Lord’s commandments.
  9. You feel ‘in control’.  You don’t lose your temper, or feel uncontrollable passions or desires.
  10. You think about the Savior often and lovingly, you want to know him better.
  11. You feel confident and are glad to be alive.

  
That doesn’t mean life if perfect, but you have faith in life and in the Lord   

  Emotions when you don’t have the Spirit….


  1. You feel unhappy, depressed, confused, and frustrated.
  2. You feel possessive, self-centered, or resentful of demands made on you.
  3. You are easily offended.
  4. You become secretive and evasive.
  5. You avoid people, especially members of your family, and you are critical of family members and Church authorities.
  6. You envy or resent the successes of others.
  7. You don’t want to go to church, go home teaching, or take the sacrament.  You wish you had another church job or no job at all.
  8. You don’t want to pray.
  9. You find the commandments bothersome, restricting, or senseless.
  10. You feel emotions and appetites so strongly that you fear you cannot control them: hate, jealousy anger, lust, hunger, fatigue.
  11. You hardly ever think of the Savior:  He seems irrelevant to your life, or worse, part of a confusing system that seems to work against you.
  12. You get discouraged easily and wonder if life is really worth it.

 Guaranteed ways to get the Spirit in your Life:

  1. Pray for it.  Often.
  2. Read the Scriptures.  Often.
  3. Read Conference talks.
  4. Repent of whatever you feel guilty about.
  5. Try to live the commandments one day at a time.
  6. Get some good Church books. Read them.
  7. Serve.



We live in real life.  Most of you have the Spirit in your home most of the time.

Picture
 

I challenge you this week to think about your prayers.  As you say your prayers think about what is it like to listen to my prayers.  What is the conversation you are having with Heavenly Father.  I testify to you that as a Mother & Father in Zion are entitled to revelation for your family.  Heavenly Father wants to give it to you.  He wants to help you raise those children.  As we start this semester come each class with ‘What is it that I need to do for my family at this time?”  This needs to be a personal workshop with the Lord.  He will be the teacher through the Holy Ghost. 

President Henry B Eyring “We Must Raise Our Sights” Ensign Sept 2004 

“The world in which young people live is changing rapidly. When their older brothers and sisters return to visit the same schools and campuses they attended, they find a radically different moral climate. The language in the hallways and the locker rooms has coarsened. Clothing is less modest. Pornography has moved into the open. Not only has tolerance for wickedness increased, but much of what was called wrong is no longer condemned at all and may, even by our Latter-day Saint youth, be admired. Parents and leaders have in many cases bent to the pressures coming from a shifting world to retreat from moral standards once widely accepted.  

The spiritual strength sufficient for our youth to stand firm just a few years ago will soon not be enough. Many of them are remarkable in their spiritual maturity and in their faith. But even the best of them are sorely tested. And the testing will become more severe.”

   
HOMEWORK:  Write down a simple goal that you want to accomplish in your life in the next 10 weeks.  It can be anything.  Formulate 2 questions from it of specific things you can ask for in prayer and listen for in Conference.

Next week….Establishing Order in Your Home

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Fall Semester Introduction

9/17/2015

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You won’t really change how you parent if you don’t change.  Doing the homework will help you change yourself, your home, your children. 

  The Holy Ghost will work with you and change you and help you know what you can change in your family.   

  Previous Class member:  The reason I keep coming back is because as I come to class and prepare myself and I’m ready I receive inspiration on how I change my family.  

  Previous Class member:  I have found that my kids change faster than I do.  Parenting the away I parent I’m not keeping up with them.  If I come back when we have a shift in the family I can relearn where the kids are at.  

  Previous Class member:  I see all the places I messed up with my oldest.  I’m trying to find places to fix that.   I feel better after coming.  Things go smoother even if I don’t do the homework.  

  You are more focused on Parenting even if you are coming and not doing the homework.  

  Life is crazy on a different level for different reasons.  I used to think if I could just get them out of diapers it would be great.  Mine are all gone now.  I’m still just thinking how can I help them and influence them for good.  It doesn’t ever go away it just changes. 

  When you have a 2 year old that is misbehaving you are still the boss.  When you have a 17 year old misbehaving they are the boss.  In these younger years you build that relationship and set that foundation so at 17 you are welcome into their heart. 

  I can’t make your kids be good and neither can you.  They still have agency.  What can we do to inspire them to be good.   

  New Class member:  Heard about the class from my sister’s friend.  I have girl 4, boy 1.5.  Biggest challenge---kids fight light crazy.  I think they are payback for me and my little brother.  They love and hate each other.  I don’t know how to make them be kind.  

  New Class member:  Lots of friends that have come to class.  I have girl 9, girl 8, boy 5, girl 4.  Biggest challenge---sit down and be quiet so we can have prayer and read scriptures.  I’m always telling them to sit down and be quiet.  The spirit’s not here.  How do I instill the love of it for them.  Fear of God vs Love of God.

  New Class member:  Heard about it from friend and sister.  I teach a preschool at my home.  I changed it so I could come.  13 yr girl, 9 boy, 7 boy.  I have preschool to so I feel like I have it all.  Her 3 yr old group right now is tough.  Teenage girl is harder.  I want a good relationship with her.  My husband deals better with her than I do.  

  I want you to see that we are all in the same boat.  We are all struggling.  We are all living in mortality.  No one ever ‘gets’ it unless you are dead.  J  It’s not going to be now.  It’s not in this life.  After a certain age it just brings on a different set of problems.    

  You will be working on changing you and how you react to them will change your children.    

  If I hear something in conference that is not on the list I will teach that.  I don’t teach the classes in the same order all the time. 

 


  • House of Order---children function better with order.
  • Teaching Children to feel the Spirit---they can feel it every day.  Do you feel it every day?
  • Competition/Cooperation---Take them out of competition.
  • Praise/Encouragement---We teach them from a negative point of view.  We expect them to act positive when we speak in a negative.
  • Work & Responsibility---Most of our children don’t know real work. The spirit overcoming the flesh.  Missionaries are putting in 10 hour days.  They are discouraged and it’s hard for them.  Work is more than just doing jobs.
  • Service---Most are very entitled.  “You owe me…” That is a dangerous thing.  We need to learn how to serve.
  • Gratitude---That’s part of the entitlement issue.
  • Marriage---How to perk up your marriage.  How to get it out of boring. 
  • Personal Revelation---How to receive

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Fall Semester Begins September 17, 2015

9/16/2015

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Fall Semester Begins tomorrow September 17, 2015!!

Daytime Class....

9:30-11:30am at the Nampa Institute building (6115 Birch Lane; Nampa, ID).--There is NO Nursery available!  Please be sure you have made previous arrangements for your children.

Evening Class...
7:00-9:00pm at the Roosevelt Church Building in Nampa (11288 Roosevelt Avenue, Nampa, ID)--There is NO Nursery available!  Please be sure you have made previous arrangements for your children.

Cost
The cost for the class is $15.00/for 10 weeks OR if you want to attend individual classes $2.50/each class.  Register the first day of class and pay with a check or cash. Checks are payable to BYU-Provo.

Syllabus
You can purchase a fall syllabus for $12.  This is optional, but is a great investment.  We have some already printed and ready.  If we run out we will print more.  It is the same syllabus we used last fall.  Checks are payable to Carleen Tanner.

Classes usually taught during the fall semester.....
  1. House of Order
  2. Teaching Children to Feel The Spirit
  3. Traditions
  4. Competition vs Cooperation
  5. Praise vs. Encouragement
  6. Work
  7. Service
  8. Gratitude/Manners
  9. Marriage--Languages of Love
  10. Receiving Personal Revelation

These are ALWAYS subject to change.  They are not necessarily taught in this order.

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    Carleen Tanner

    Notes from classes and other information will be posted here.  Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared.  You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question.

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