Category: Doctrine

(Class Notes) 4 Table Legs

1/16/2014

Most of your problems are solved in this lesson. I can’t teach it well enough to get you to know that. If you do this lesson with exactness most of your other problems will just go away. Marriage, family, children, parenting…the problems will just go away.

Julie B. Beck Mother’s Who Know….October 2007

“Mothers who know are always teachers. Since they are not babysitters, they are never off duty. A well-taught friend told me that he did not learn anything at church that he had not already learned at home. His parents used family scripture study, prayer, family home evening, mealtimes, and other gatherings to teach. Think of the power of our future missionary force if mothers considered their homes as a pre–missionary training center. Then the doctrines of the gospel taught in the MTC would be a review and not a revelation. That is influence; that is power.”

Boyd K. Packer “Little Children” Ensign October 1986

“True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.”

If we are focused on our childrens misbehavior and that is our focus. The teaching of doctrine will change that behavior quicker than changing the behavior. We need to focus on teaching them correct doctrine.

Class member: Last night we were getting ready for FHE. My 8 month old had her arms and was folding them. We focused on that and then my 4 year old wanted the applaud too. Eventually they all were.

Your mood is so much better. You still have the Spirit to be with you.

I was watching the Herbie movies. There is a time or two and there is a time he loses a tire. Have you ever thought about driving a car with 3 tires. It doesn’t work well. If you took off 1 leg of your dining room table what happens. The reason I like to call this lesson the 4 legs of the table is because this is the foundation for building the righteous family. Because your family is out of balance you can put in a lot of good stuff, but it tends to slide off. This is the foundation for every good righteous family.

1. Prayer
2. Scripture Study
3. FHE
4. Temple Attendance

You have wonderful excuses for that. We only have family prayer once a day….because…because…because… The whole focus has to be not telling him why you can’t do it, but going to Heavenly Father and saying this is a tough thing for me but how do I do it.

Henry B Eyring Ensign “Finding Safety In Council” April 1997

“One of the keys to recognizing those warnings is that they are repeated. For instance, more than once in these general conferences, you have heard our prophet say that he would quote a preceding prophet and would therefore be a second witness and sometimes even a third. Each of us who has listened has heard President Kimball give counsel on the importance of a mother in the home and then heard President Benson quote him, and we have heard President Hinckley quote them both. The Apostle Paul wrote that “in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established” (2 Cor. 13:1). One of the ways we may know that the warning is from the Lord is that the law of witnesses, authorized witnesses, has been invoked. When the words of prophets seem repetitive, that should rivet our attention and fill our hearts with gratitude to live in such a blessed time.

When we reject the counsel which comes from God, we do not choose to be independent of outside influence. We choose another influence. We reject the protection of a perfectly loving, all-powerful, all-knowing Father in Heaven, whose whole purpose, as that of His Beloved Son, is to give us eternal life, to give us all that He has, and to bring us home again in families to the arms of His love. In rejecting His counsel, we choose the influence of another power, whose purpose is to make us miserable and whose motive is hatred. We have moral agency as a gift of God. Rather than the right to choose to be free of influence, it is the inalienable right to submit ourselves to whichever of those powers we choose.”

When we make a choice we are not free from the consequence. If we choose not to obey we are choosing to follow a different influence. There will still be a consequence…good or bad.

What is a warning…it tells you something is wrong. It is to alert you that something is going to be wrong and I’m helping you do something about it.

If I know the consequences of overeating, but don’t do it will I be spared the consequences of it. Was I free from consequences of not eating right? The consequence may not be immediate. The consequence lightning did not strike my car. I ‘know’ but I am not willing to pay the price with exactness. You would know because you could look at me and see it. If you heed the warnings with exactness will you have to come in here and tell me? No.

Class member: I don’t know that we would have to tell you, but our experiences during the week.

I will see it in your countenance. Your home radiates with the Spirit. You will radiate with the Spirit.

Pick one and work on something. Something is better than nothing, but is it going to get me where I want to be.

Jeffrey R Holland “I Have A Question” Ensign 1976

“The quality of our obedience to God’s commandments is still the clearest expression of the quality of our faith in him.”

Story of Naaman 2 Kings 5

Scripture Chain…one scripture leads to another…teaches a whole doctrine about something that you might have missed if you have just read the first scripture.

D&C 9:7
‘you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.’

What are your prayers like?

D&C 9:5
‘you did not continue as you commenced’

Did we continue on (especially after a good day) to pray with the same intensity. “What do I need to do to develop patience?” We expect the Lord to do it. We pray with real intensity for a couple of days and then let it go. It’s learning self-discipline. This is a long term answer.

D&C 82:10
“I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.”

D&C 130:20-21
There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.

If you want a blessing find the law upon which it is predicated follow the commandment.

Financial Wealth---Tithing, Fast Offerings & Keep Sabbath Day Holy D&C 59

D&C 1:38
What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

“Obedience Life’s Greatest Challenge” Donald Staheli April 1998

President Ezra Taft Benson put it most poignantly when he said, “When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power.”

We should start Tuesday morning about the next FHE. It needs to be on my mind all day for a week. If their attitude is good are you reaping the blessings of that. If I am back to the irritant do I reap the blessing?

Problems in our home….(from little until they leave)
Self Esteem
Obedience
Entitlement
Lazy
Fighting
Whining
No Understanding of the Gospel
Sarcastic
Selfishness
Competition
Pride
Lack of Responsibility
Sassiness

All those problems can be changed by living the 4 Table Legs. Look at the law and the blessings. Choose the blessings you want and live the law with ‘exactness’ to receive those blessings.

Prayer

PRAYER:

Law: Family Prayer morning and night, Personal Prayer morning and night, 3x Blessing on the food, and couple prayer, and a prayer in your heart all day

Class member: I was in the Hill Cummorah Pageant. That was one of the first times prayer hit me. We would have a devotional. Start with a prayer. Throughout the whole thing we prayed all the time. I was aware of how many people prayed.

Blessings:
Promised by President Hinckley….The Blessings of Family Prayer Ensign Feb 1991

Check the dread disease that is eroding the character of our society

Developed within the family a new appreciation, a new respect, a new affection one for another
A love for others above self
A respect for others
A desire to serve the needs of others
Build within the hearts of our children a much-needed respect for authority
Nothing that will so much help to ease family tensions
Bring about the respect for parents which leads to obedience
Erase the blight of broken homes
Restore integrity, mutual respect, and a spirit of thankfulness

Feb 2001 “No Substitute For Family Prayer”

President Ezra Taft Benson taught: “Just a few words added to the blessing on the food, as is becoming the custom in some parts, is not enough. We need to get onto our knees in prayer and gratitude.”

“Greatest Challenge in the Word is Parenting” James E Faust October 2009

President Kimball answered, “In the past, having family prayer once a day may have been all right. But in the future it will not be enough if we are going to save our families.”

Our attitude before and after is an important as the word we say. It’s important that we discuss the needs during the day. We are praying for our family. Pray in specifics. Suzy is having a spelling test. Mary has a track meet. Johnny is having a math test. We pray for them specifically. Pray for safety and able to resist temptation. It’s important to hear them hear their name in prayer. As we come together in the evening it needs to be an evaluation of how the day went before prayer. How did the test go? The track meet? The test? CTR moment? It’s done by name on an individual basis.

I have had life saving experiences that have been in answer to family prayer.

Class member: My 4 year old is good at saying prayers part of the time, but other times it’s too hard. How do I encourage her to say the prayer?

This morning I will say it and then tonight you can try it again. You need to be saying their prayers sometimes. You can force the Spirit away. You can’t force them to feel the Spirit.

Scriptures:

Law: Scriptures---personal daily and family daily

Does it matter what time of day you do it? I recommend that each of your children have their own scriptures, red pencil, tablet and pen. Teach them to make a workbook out of the scriptures.

Class member: My kids adored the little tiny Book of Mormons.

Class member: Draw pictures by the stories. Let them scripture chase.

Class member: Electronics…what do you do about it?

They need to have a chance to actually mark them. They have a hard time knowing how to mark them. Their scriptures need to be able to be marked in. We are going to color and write and mark up.

Class member: My old visiting teacher. Every time she reads the Book of Mormon she buys a new one and marks it up differently…Faith, Testimony, etc. Make them a workbook.

That feeling is what you are going for. You want them going through it and riffling through it. We scripture chase. Get them their own copy of the Conference talks. In the Friend there are things about the Conference talk. When they get old enough to read they need their own. It is their scriptures for 6 months.

President Ezra T Benson “Cleansing The Inner Vessel” April 1986

“I counsel you, my beloved brothers and sisters and friends everywhere, to make reading in the Book of Mormon a few minutes each day a lifelong practice. “I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to that counsel. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.” (Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1960, pp. 110–13.)”

Blessings:

Spirit of reverence will increase
Mutual respect & consideration for each other will grow
Spirit of contention will depart
Parents will counsel in love and wisdom
Children will be more responsive and submissive to counsel
Righteousness will increase
Faith hope and charity will abound
Peace joy and happiness in your home.

“This Day” Henry B Eyring April 2007

“A morning prayer and an early search in the scriptures to know what we should do for the Lord can set the course of a day. We can know which task, of all those we might choose, matters most to God and therefore to us. I have learned such a prayer is always answered if we ask and ponder with childlike submission, ready to act without delay to perform even the most humble service.”

Family Home Evening

Law:
1915 Joseph F Smith counseled church
1970 FHE Manual
1999—2x that year FHE Monday night “We strongly suggest, we strongly encourage…”

Visiting Teaching Message

“Family home evening is for everyone,” President Spencer W. Kimball and his counselors declared. “It is for families with parents and children, for families with just one parent, and for parents who have no children at home. It is for home evening groups of single adults and for those who live alone or with roommates” (Family Home Evening [1976], 3)

Stake President…FHE is “Family Home EVENING”---all night and until that next morning. We are together that whole night. You can play games and sit around the table and do homework together.

The purpose is to teach and train and bind the hearts. When you go the Lord as a ‘quest’ he will tell you how to make it work. When you go as an ‘irritant’ the heavens close.

Elder David A Bednar “More Diligent at Home” November 2009

“Sometimes Sister Bednar and I wondered if our efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. Now and then verses of scripture were read amid outbursts such as “He’s touching me!” “Make him stop looking at me!” “Mom, he’s breathing my air!” Sincere prayers occasionally were interrupted with giggling and poking. And with active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons did not always produce high levels of edification. At times Sister Bednar and I were exasperated because the righteous habits we worked so hard to foster did not seem to yield immediately the spiritual results we wanted and expected.

Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent.”

Neil L. Andersen “Prophets & Spiritual Mole Crickets” October 1999

“Certainly there are times when getting the family together to read the scriptures does not stack up as a spiritual experience worthy of a journal entry. But we must not be deterred. There are special times when the spirit of a son or daughter is just right and the power of these great scriptures goes down into their heart like fire. As we honor our Heavenly Father in our homes, He will honor our efforts.”

Blessings:

Love at home will increase
Obedience to parents will increase
Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth
Youth will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations

Neil L. Andersen “Prophets & Spiritual Mole Crickets” October 1999

“If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which beset them” (in James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 6 vols. [1965–75], 4:339).

Who within the sound of my voice would be willing to sell these promises to those who would confiscate our Monday nights? Not one of us.”

Temple Attendance:

If you don’t have a recommend look to see what’s keeping you from getting one. If you have one make sure it’s current. If it’s current….use it.

The temple may be the only place we can go to find the spirit of peace. We will need to bring it back into our homes.

LAW: Regular temple attendance….what’s the minimum? This law is more open than any of them. Regular temple attendance is between you and the Lord. The question is “is it a quest or an irritant’? Any day you decide to go Satan will make it inconvenient. You can expect there to be something will go wrong.

Check your legs of the table and see if you need to go to the temple.

Blessings:

(Vaughn J. Featherstone)

1-If a man, you will become mighty; if a woman, powerful (D&C 109:22 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;)

2-It will serve as great "insurance protection" for your marriage (D&C 132:19 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.)

3-The blessings of the Eternal Gods will be called down upon you. (D&C 109:12, 14 That thy glory may rest down upon thy people, and upon this thy house, which we now dedicate to thee, that it may be sanctified and consecrated to be holy, and that thy holy presence may be continually in this house; And do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house may be taught words of wisdom out of the best books, and that they may seek learning even by study, and also by faith, as thou hast said)

4-Unseen angels will watch over your loved ones when Satanic forced tempt them (Acts 27:33 And while the day was coming on, Paul besought them all to take meat, saying, This day is the fourteenth day that ye have tarried and continued fasting, having taken nothing.)

5-Your families will draw close to the Lord and there will be no empty chairs in the celestial kingdom. (Hymn#301 I Am A Child of God)

6-Your children will go on missions (D&C 109:58 That from among all these, thy servants, the sons of Jacob, may gather out the righteous to build a holy city to thy name, as thou hast commanded them.)

7-Your children will marry in the temple. (Conference Talks)

8-The veil will be thin, you will have great spiritual growth and many spiritual experiences will distill upon you. (D&C 138)

9-You will be prepared for exaltation--with a celestial mind, celestial body and a celestial personality (3 Nephi 12:3, 20 Yea, blessed are the poor in spirit who come unto me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Therefore come unto me and be ye saved; for verily I say unto you, that except ye shall keep my commandments, which I have commanded you at this time, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.)

10-You will see clearly how to make critical decisions that weigh heavily on your mind (D&C 109:42 But deliver thou, O Jehovah, we beseech thee, thy servants from their hands, and cleanse them from their blood.)

11-You will become Christlike. (D&C 109:22-25 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;

“Temples & The Work Therein” David B Haight October 1990
“John A. Widtsoe wrote: “I believe that the busy person on the farm, in the shop, in the office, or in the household, who has his worries and troubles, can solve his problems better and more quickly in the house of the Lord than anywhere else. If he will … [do] the temple work for himself and for his dead, he will confer a mighty blessing upon those who have gone before, and … a blessing will come to him, for at the most unexpected moments, in or out of the temple will come to him, as a revelation, the solution of the problems that vex his life. That is the gift that comes to those who enter the temple properly.” (“Temple Worship,” The Utah Genealogical and Historical Magazine, Apr. 1921, pp. 63–64.)”

My Dad worked in the Ogden Temple Presidency. There was an older guy that kept coming in. One day he came and said I don’t understand why they command us to go to the temple all the time. I’m not getting things more. It’s not changing. You have to let the temple go through you. As you go there properly you become more spiritually sensitive to spiritual learning…reading scriptures, praying, scolding children. You whole being becomes more purified in the temple. As it become more able to accept light then we can be refined spiritually so we can receive spiritual things. It actually changes your very nature so you become more able to experience light and knowledge. It increases our spiritual capacity.

Heavenly Father has given us simple things to do with exactness. He has promised us great blessings if we will keep these commandments. I promise you that you will feel a great feeling of love and peace in your home if you keep them with exactness.

“This Day” Henry B Eyring April 2007
“On many days, doing what matters most will not be easy. It is not supposed to be. God’s purpose in creation was to let us prove ourselves.

We will weep, and He will weep, if we have intended to repent and to serve Him in tomorrows which never came or have dreamt of yesterdays where the opportunity to act was past. This day is a precious gift of God.”

Homework: Pick one and do it before the end of class. You will see a change.

1 Comment

Teaching Parents Proper Use of Media & Technology (By Cory Tanner)

11/9/2013

2 Comments

Disclaimer: I don’t have teenagers. I was a teenager. I have nephews that are teenagers. I am the YM president in my ward. I will be bold and share some personal experiences today.

The church teaches us on a foundation of principles and doctrines rather than a set of specific rules and guidelines. When we have a rule we can only go as far as the rules allow us. When we have doctrine we can progress as much as we can progress to where our Heavenly Father is.

I will share some of the ideas, but mostly I want you to listen to the spirit. You will receive rewards for doing and acting, but if you don’t you won’t receive those rewards. You can write down copious notes, but you will end up with copious notes, but focus on what the Holy Ghost is telling you for your home and what you will do to change it.

This is not a case that we can teach our children one thing and then do something different. This is a lesson for you. This is how you should more effectively use media yourself.

What doctrines and principles, if understood, would help me or you more consistently make appropriate choices regarding my selection of media and my usage of technology??

Knowledge---facts and figures
Understanding---In your heart
Actions—what you do about it.

Class member: 13th Article of Faith…anything virtuous lovely of good report or praiseworthy.

Is that a doctrine, a principle in your mind, a statement of belief, a law, or a commandment?

Elder Bednar doesn’t give you everything in your mind.

Class member: I was thinking of ‘light giveth unto light’. You are what you watch, listen to participate in.

Class member: The spirit accompanies certain media.

Dig a little bit deeper into doctrine.

Doctrine #1: Agency

What do we learn in this scripture?

D&C 101:78 That every man may act in doctrine and principle pertaining to futurity, according to the moral agency which I have given unto him, that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment.

What do we learn in this scripture?

Class member: We don’t all have to be exactly the same.

How does that help us in choosing media?

Class member: It also takes the ownership back to yourself.

If children understand that then it’s not Mom setting rules, Dad enforcing the rules, and the Child obeying the rules.

Class member: This has been coming up a lot because we have to be careful how we say things like that. “Our family chooses to not going to birthday parties on Sunday” instead of “We are Mormon and don’t do that.”

That is better, but it still says “I’m a rule follower in my family and roped in.” How about I choose not to do it because I obey the Sabbath? The blessings are so much greater to use the blessings that way. I’m not bound by those rules.

Class member: My 12 year old son is having the discussion of the PG-13 movies. He wants to be able to watch them. His friend watches all of them. He said, “People swear at school all the time.” I asked him, “Would you bring those friends into your home and allow them to swear?” He said, “No.” He understood the principle. He made that choice.

I think that is great. It was helpful to connect those one step further. We don’t teach the ‘Why’. The doctrine is the why. Maybe it’s because we are uncomfortable or don’t understand it ourselves. I want you to hold onto this. We have to talk about the PG-13 stuff.

What does “Pertaining to futurity” mean? (D&C 101:78)

Class member: We act and think about the future.

This is not what teenagers do. They act to gratify what they do right now.

“that every man may be accountable for his own sins” (D&C 101:78)

Kids will know that the choices they make will affect them and how it will affect them. We look to the future. This is what they will receive.

“If you put all of the doctrines of the church in boxes and laid them on a large floor and asked me to assemble them in some order, I would sort through the boxes and find one. It would be a long box and a heavy one, and it would say ‘Agency, Freedom, Agency.’ I would put that down first, and everything else we believe would be stacked in proper order on top of that. President Boyd K. Packer (Mine Errand From the Lord pg 176)

How does this help us in making choices in media?

Class member: It’s their choice. It really is them. It’s not our rules. Ultimately it has to be their choice.

You are right. You are thinking I am the parent and I do create the rules. You can set a standard in your home and let them live by that standard. It doesn’t need to be a dictatorship. They will come along willingly.

Class member: If I instill fear in my children they will obey, but if they go to a friends house they might not follow. They will make good choices because they want to or because they are afraid of me or they want me to approve of them. It’s because they can make good choices.

Doctrine #2: Plan of Salvation

If we have a testimony of the plan of salvation how will this affect my choices of media?

Abraham 3: 24-28

24 And there stood one among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell;

25 And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;

26 And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever.

27 And the Lord said: Whom shall I send? And one answered like unto the Son of Man: Here am I, send me. And another answered and said: Here am I, send me. And the Lord said: I will send the first.

28 And the second was angry, and kept not his first estate; and, at that day, many followed after him.

Class member: My kids were lying about their age so they could play some shooting games. They lost that ‘estate’ and it is password protected.

Class member: This goes back to agency. We are choosing what to do with it.

“If they do whatsoever the Lord commands them.” If they follow the rules then I will give them more. Heavenly Father has eternal rules. He shares them with us. “Glory will be added upon our heads forever and ever.”

Class member: It’s more the why. It brings you happiness.

That is the power. Not even because a prophet has said it. We do it because it is an eternal principle and will bring us happiness. Not because someone told me to do that.

Class member: How do you make teenagers care? They go through a period of whether they believe it or they don’t just care.

Question: How were you made to care?
Answer: I had to figure it out for myself.

This is the wrestle of parenthood. Our problem as parents is that we stay on the surface level of rules. Our rule is the prophet said not to watch PG13 movies. We never get down to truly testify to our children. When is the last time you testified to your children about an eternal principle? We have teenagers that just don’t care. Those of you who have children under the age of 5 it is easier. There is hope, but we need to stay grounded into the ‘why’ and the doctrine and teach them.

President Boyd K Packer “True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.”

Class member: This actually goes back to agency. This shows what will happen if you use agency appropriately. Sometimes it’s easier to just give them the rule. That’s easy. There is truth to that. As they get older how do you teach them to care? When I take the time to show them what you are doing now (it’s a bigger time commitment) .

I have a guy I work with that chews tobacco. He asked me one time and said, “You can’t chew tobacco.” I said I disagree. I can choose to do it if I wanted to. Can you choose not to? He needed to feed an addiction from choices he made. We talked with our kids about that concept of the path that someone followed and through these choices he is addicted. Am I bound by that law or am I set free from that law? It takes more self control on your part.

The problem is we default to a dictatorship. I don’t care if you don’t understand. I’m the parent and I call the shots around here. We often will say we do this and you will get these blessings. Do we make them work for that answer? We have to listen and ask questions. They are working through the reasons in their mind.

Why do you think there is this standard? Don’t just say because we will get blessings. Let’s talk about your friends and what you see. We need to have these conversations.

They touch us because they are true and they are eternal principles.

Class member: That sounds so great, but what if they don’t have any experiences. We just don’t do sleepover. She has never heard about the horrible things that happen. She is 11. I feel very strongly because of all the things that could possibly happen. That’s more of a safety matter not a heart matter.

You have to be sensitive to the maturity of the child. If I were you I would have a frank conversation. Let’s talk about this. You are so driven by it. Let’s talk about the why. These are some of my feelings. I feel like sleepovers are not ok. It lets kids be in situations that are not safe. Pornography was there. Why would I subject anyone to that environment? So they don’t think you are this dictator that just gives these rules. If there are real reasons then share those to the extent that you can.

Class member: We have had that same experience with our 8 and 9 year old daughters. We talked about things that happened late at night like toilet papering. We implemented late-overs. If I say “Yes” now this takes away our family rule.

If you establish the rule and teach the why then when the circumstance comes up so why would you even want to do it even just once.

We will talk about it when we get to cell phones.

Class member: When teaching your kids you can make a good choice, but then not allowing our children to get into those situations and something bad could happen. How can I prove to you that they can make a good choice? (Where do you draw the line where I let you decide and where do you say these are our rules and this is how it is. You just need to abide by it.)

Where do you let them have their agency and let them fall on their face. That is a great question. I think you have to follow the Spirit. It is the most valuable tool. When it comes to issues of eternal consequence or worthiness when you fast forward 2 years from now, don’t let them make a mistake. You need to hold fast. They just need to follow the rule until they learn. Even though we talk about the why and the doctrine hopefully it will help them motivate them. You set those rules, but you have to teach the why.

Class member: Even though they have their own agency and they may choose the right, the other people in the situation can make their own choices and their choices will impact them because they are just there. There are other choices others make. You trust them (the child), but you don’t trust the environment.

Object lesson from a bishop….he was an entomologist. He studied ants and their behavior. He spread out powder and these ants would track the powder which you couldn’t see without black lights. He laced these gloves with powder. He had 3 people come up on put on these gloves he laced with powder. You put on glasses to protect you from what you see. Now you put on this mask. You put on this apron. All these things to protect yourself. Are you protected? Yes. Take it all off. You have had all this protection on. Are you clean? Yes. Think again. He turned on the black lights. The powder was all over them. Just because you read the scriptures, are baptized, and do FHE doesn’t mean you can go to the Friday night kegger. Don’t expose yourself to that. It was a powerful lesson. We have to help them understand really what is going on…on a deeper level.

Doctrine #3: Holy Ghost

D&C 68:25 And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.

It is your responsibility to teach them.

1 Nephi 4:1-6

1 And it came to pass that I spake unto my brethren, saying: Let us go up again unto Jerusalem, and let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; for behold he is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even than his tens of thousands?

2 Therefore let us go up; let us be strong like unto Moses; for he truly spake unto the waters of the Red Sea and they divided hither and thither, and our fathers came through, out of captivity, on dry ground, and the armies of Pharaoh did follow and were drowned in the waters of the Red Sea.

3 Now behold ye know that this is true; and ye also know that an angel hath spoken unto you; wherefore can ye doubt? Let us go up; the Lord is able to deliver us, even as our fathers, and to destroy Laban, even as the Egyptians.

4 Now when I had spoken these words, they were yet wroth, and did still continue to murmur; nevertheless they did follow me up until we came without the walls of Jerusalem.

5 And it was by night; and I caused that they should hide themselves without the walls. And after they had hid themselves, I, Nephi, crept into the city and went forth towards the house of Laban.

6 And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.

How will that help me in how I select media and technology?

Class member: I don’t think you have to view what you are seeing. You don’t have to turn it off because you never viewed it to begin with.

There are G movies I don’t feel comfortable with. It is possible to have a movie that chases away the spirit. If I teach them the doctrine of who the Holy Ghost is and how he operates then they can be agents unto themselves.

Class member: Your Mom was talking about testifying to your children. My 7 year old & I stop at the library to get audio books instead of listening to the radio. In the first paragraph there was a popular phrase that my daughter didn’t know. It was “OMG” I was explaining it to her. She said, “That doesn’t make me feel good can we take this back to the library?” I had the opportunity to tell her that this was not a good thing for us to listen to. It was an awesome experience.

I had an experience in FHE, we shared a story and it was powerful. The Spirit was there. My 6 year old son said wow I just feel warm and sweaty inside. My wife started laughing. I said tell me about that feeling. We talked about it. Is it a good feeling or bad feeling? He didn’t know how to describe it. This is the Holy Ghost. It comes as a warm feeling. He associated things as hot as being sweaty. We had a great conversation of the Holy Ghost. It testified of truth. When did you feel it? How did you feel it? It was a good feeling and it’s one he wanted all the time. We have to capitalize on those.

“The Holy Ghost is the third member of the Godhead, and as such like God the Father and Jesus Christ, He knows our thoughts and the intents of our hearts. He loves us and wants us to be happy. Since He knows the challenges we will face, He can guide us and teach us all things we must do to return and live with our Heavenly Father once again.” Elder Craig C. Christensen (An Unspeakable Gift from God)

He knows my thought. He knows our childrens thoughts.

Class member: In “Courageous Parenting” 17 year old son who wanted to go on a trip with friends. I just didn’t feel good about it, but didn’t have a specific reason. The son was disappointed. I said, “I don’t know why I just don’t feel good about it. I love you too much to ignore the feelings inside.” When our children understand what the feeling of the Holy Ghost is they will trust that we are really feeling that.

October 2013….Robert D. Hales “In recent decades the Church has largely been spared the terrible misunderstandings and persecutions experienced by the early Saints. It will not always be so. The world is moving away from the Lord faster and farther than ever before. The adversary has been loosed upon the earth. We watch, hear, read, study, and share the words of prophets to be forewarned and protected.”

That says….At some point we will experience those misunderstandings.

To what extent are my teenagers…watching hearing reading and sharing the words of the prophets? To what extent do we do that? The latest news, Facebook post, or anything else.

“The only safety we have. (President Harold Be Lee pg 84-85) You may not like what comes from the authority of the church…it may interfere with some of your social life. But if you listen to these things, as if from the mouth of the Lord Himself, with patience and faith, the promise is the ‘the gates of hell shall not prevail again you;…and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good and his name’s glory.”

The prophets are teaching us and warning us. We need to listen.

“For Strength of Youth”

Entertainment and Media

You live in a day of marvelous technologies that give you easy access to a wide variety of media, including the Internet, mobile devices, video games, television, movies, music, books, and magazines. The information and entertainment provided through these media can increase your ability to learn, communicate, and become a force for good in the world. However, some information and entertainment can lead you away from righteous living. Choose wisely when using media because whatever you read, listen to, or look at has an effect on you. Select only media that uplifts you.

Satan uses media to deceive you by making what is wrong and evil look normal, humorous, or exciting. He tries to mislead you into thinking that breaking God’s commandments is acceptable and has no negative consequences for you or others. Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in anything that presents immorality or violence as acceptable. Have the courage to walk out of a movie, change your music, or turn off a computer, television, or mobile device if what you see or hear drives away the Spirit.

Pornography in all forms is especially dangerous and addictive. What may begin as an unexpected exposure or a curious exploration can become a destructive habit. Use of pornography is a serious sin and can lead to other sexual transgression. Avoid pornography at all costs. It is a poison that weakens your self-control, destroys your feelings of self-worth, and changes the way you see others. It causes you to lose the guidance of the Spirit and can damage your ability to have a normal relationship with others, especially your future spouse. It limits your ability to feel true love. If you encounter pornography, turn away from it immediately.

If you are involved in pornography, cease now. Seek the help you need. Your parents and bishop can help you take the steps necessary to repent and rid yourself of this destructive habit.

Take care that your use of media does not dull your sensitivity to the Spirit or interfere with your personal relationships with others. Spending long periods of time using the Internet or a mobile device, playing video games, or watching television or other media can keep you from valuable interactions with other people. Be careful that your use of social media does not replace spending time with your family and friends.

Guard your safety and the safety of others by taking great care about what personal information and images you share through technology. Do not communicate anything over the Internet or through texting that would be inappropriate to share in person. Obey the laws that govern sharing music, movies, and other copyrighted items.

If you are not sure whether something is appropriate to watch or listen to, talk to your parents and other adult leaders. The Holy Ghost will give you strength to make correct choices.

Class member: “For Strength of Youth” is the doctrine mixed with standards.

She is searching for ways to teach her kids. This is why you and I are here. Find something else so you can connect with them. Help them connect. The extent we can take it and go deeper to the doctrines that create these standards they will gain that additional testimony.

In my priests quorum in our ward, I asked “How do you view this ‘For Strength of Youth’ pamphlet…is it recommendations, tips for life, commandments from God. They said we view it as suggestions and guidelines….ideas that will help us to be happy. If you view it in that context and put it on a different plain of we need to be baptized to go to heaven. A commandment is a roadmap to true and eternal happiness. That is the way there. Baptism is the way to true happiness. Following FSOY guidelines is a path to true happiness. This is what youth struggle with.

Criteria for decision making…..

1. Increase your ability to learn
2. Communicate
3. Become a force for good.

If something crosses my path I would ask myself those 3 questions.

Whatever you are exposed to has an effect on you.

Class member: Adults look at this as ‘for youth’ and not for me…adults. This lesson is for you.

Experience: This was my first week as YM president in our ward. I jumped in and the way it’s supposed to work it is a boy lead program. We are there to supervise. I asked one of my priests ‘what do we have for our activity this week’. It’s at my house…game night. I think ‘monopoly’…great. I want you to make sure it’s priest appropriate. The boys bring a couple things they start put in a screen as big as my house. I was the only adult in the room. They were still setting up. “Call of Duty” flashes on the screen. I have never viewed this. Is this ‘priest’ appropriate? Well….they are getting their paddles and they are choosing their weapons. I was behind the couch and they were still going. I said, “Hey is this priest appropriate?” One of them turns and said, “What?” Kind of like are you serious? I said, “Are you really going to play this?” They just kept going, but didn’t answer that question. Almost like…hurry let’s get going so it’s exciting and then he will leave us alone. There is this awkward silent moment. The decision they were making…I said this. That is not ok. This is no longer a priest quorum activity. You are friends meeting and playing together and I’m leaving. I left. I was so out of control.

Fortunately the leaders that had been in the other room came back and talked them through what happened. I live in Kuna. I went to a country road and took a long personal walk and thought about how I am failing. I turned off my cell phone and these boys started texting. The other leaders came in and said, “Brother Tanner left are you ok with that”. They helped them feel guilty enough to change their behavior.

They went over to the bishops office and asked him if he has seen Brother Tanner. He said, “No did you misplace him?” They replied, “Don’t worry about it.” They go to my house. “Have you seen Brother Tanner?” My wife said, “No I thought he was with you.” They said, “Don’t worry about it.” It becomes this fire storm to find Brother Tanner.

I lowered the hammer on Sunday. I talked about standards and choices and agency. It is their choice. I received a text from the boy that originally brought the game. He said, “I thought about your lesson today I feel that the decision I have made today to stop playing Call Of Duty and other violent games. I had to pray and study the section on For Strength Of Youth. Thank you.”

You and I must live it. I’m not there to be their friend. They have plenty of those. I’m there to be a leader to help them know what a good decision and a poor decision is.

Vulgar
Immoral
Violent
Pornographic
IN ANY WAY….

Do you think that realistic gore is violent in some way? Even in a small way? Is graphic violence ‘violent in some way?’ Having the Spirit makes these choices easier to make.

Someone else said, “That means we can’t watch anything.” I think he was hoping that I would say it’s ok if you can put it in it’s place. If you are putting yourself in a situation where you are chasing away the spirit you lose the blessings of having the Spirit with us.

The rule in the family is we want to invite the Spirit. You cannot put your kids to bed and put on a PG movie that you can handle because you are an adult. If I really really want to be like President Monson and my Heavenly Father I will do what they can do.

This weekend we were watching a movie. The movie was “Tin-Tin”. Only 10 minutes into this movie there is a scene where a guy comes to the door and the guy gets shot and you see the bullet holes come through the door. I’m thinking my 6 year old just saw that. We do that all the time. We keep watching. We say “That’s bad” and then keep watching. We turn it off. That’s not good. It drives out the spirit. Let’s turn it off. We will find something else.

In New Jersey I was teaching early morning seminary. We had a problem in our ward some RS sisters were taking our daughters to Breaking Dawn. I thought I have to teach them standards. I read this line…”In any way…” I read the rating and then pulled out the rating. It has detailed reviews, “Rated PG13 for partial nudity…Edward and Bella have sex a few times, no nudity is seen except their naked bodies can be seen from the side.” Let’s go watch Edward and Bella have sex a few times, but that is what you are doing. Let’s go watch naked bodies from the side. You are effectively saying that. I went to that movie and I had aunts on either side. During the bad parts I closed my eyes. I felt like I was able to handle it. Guess who can’t handle it. The Holy Ghost can’t handle it. You just spent 2 hours of your life downgrading yourself because you aren’t spiritually stronger since you went in.

Approach any decision with “What will I get out of it? Am I downgrading myself?”

‘Select only media that uplifts you.’…makes you better. I feel like being a better person. Does that cut out a lot of media and entertainment. We all should be squirming in some sort of a way.

We create these criteria.

Class member: I came to your class last semester. I felt the spirit of that. I thought I would be a big giant weirdo if I did that. After awhile and a few conferences ago when he talked about keeping our nest safe we decided to make some changes. I really like shows so I had to be extreme and cancel our Netflix. It has made a big difference in our lives. My children to if they are not around me they won’t like to be around where the spirit isn’t.

You have to make the decisions first. We can’t be hypocrites.

Class member: The news is on in the morning on our TV during breakfast. It was so discouraging so I quit turning it on. My husband said, “You never have the news on anymore.” I said, “I just don’t like it on in my home.” He turned in on and within 5 minutes he turned it off. There is peace in our home. It doesn’t make you feel great.

When we cut these things out we ourselves are changed.

Trends….How long it took to reach 50 million users
Radio---38 years
Draw Something App---50 days

Cell phone stats….

Technology multitasking.

Loneliness factor went up with more technology
Those that use media 7% developed depression over 7 years.

We give them an iphone or a gadget to entertain the kids.

Technology is not bad. The church uses it all the time. Companionships have cell phones. How do we teach them to use technology while avoiding the evils.

Family rules:

1. Make the rule early on!!
2. Be more restrictive in the beginning (it is always easier to give than to take)
3. Explain the rating system. Openly communicate about the standards.

Stake president gave his son a cell phone and he lost his son. He took his cell phone and smashed it. He said this is ruining our relationship.

4. Be consistent—No Exceptions
5. Remember, the rule is for Everyone, especially parents!
6. Most important: The ‘rule’ is already set, you just need to explain it.

The rule is the doctrine we are just learning how to live the doctrine.

What if someone that wants a cell phone. You can ask… “Why do you want a cell phone? You are 13. Do you have clients or business appointments you need set?” What is the ‘need’ or is it a ‘want’. Once they got over a need vs a want. You have to pay for yours as well. So no he calls on his ‘No phone’. Discover the need and have them be disciplined with it.

Err on the side of not ‘letting things in’ rather than letting them in and making a mistake.

Class member: We did the same thing with my husband’s tablet. We just didn’t like how it was affecting our family. My husband took it and smashed it and threw it in the garbage. My 4 year old came in and he acted like it was a pet. He wanted to see it in the garbage can and was crying. It’s been great every since.

Technology is for our use. We should be able to use it.

Homework: Read this talk by David A Bednar “Things As They Really Are”
There are 2 questions that should guide every decision…2 criteria he tells us in there. What are they?

Remember that the reason we have it is a tool. If 80% of our usage is fun, entertainment, relaxation we aren’t using it as a tool. Allow them to interact with it as a tool. I put my job lists on the Ipad. He watches Youtube as part of his structured lessons. Organizing, keeping yourself. Consider it a tool.

Follow the Holy Ghost and you will know how to do it.

There was a PowerPoint that Cory Tanner used in class that had all the "statistics" he talked about. As soon as he emails it to me I will try and post it on here for you to have access to.