- Think about how you are following the prophet's counsel on reading Book of Mormon.
- Review the talk & exact blessings from President Nelson October 2018.
- Read "You Are My Hands" April 2010 Dieter F. Uchtdorf
- Evaluate yourself in each of the roles in your life (mother, sister, daughter, ministering sister, etc) on the Service Continuum (pg 84 of the syllabus). This is not for guilt, but for awareness.
- Create a family service project that will last from now until Christmas. This is to help move you from "I Want To..." to "May I" because of my love for the Savior I want to give. This project needs to require real effort.
Homework:
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Class member: We have an older man in our ward that is blind that we take to church. My son said we need to go pull his weeds. My daughter is saying we need to go rake leaves. She went and helped this week. Sometimes I say, “We need to do that.” But then I put it off.
Class member: Last week was really hard for me. I went home and thought I need to make some changes. 2 weeks ago when my kids were out of school there was a “Compassion” experience to learn about how kids around the world live. My kids loved it. We get to the end and they have all these children’s pictures hung up and now they want me to sponsor a kid. I shut it down. I didn’t have a good answer. I thought I robbed him of that. He was really excited to serve. I turned it around this week. I went to the websites justserve.org and we found 2 activities that are now on our schedule. I turned it around. It was a good guilt. He doesn’t see the benefit of the Humanitarian money that we send. Class member: When we did our family mission statement it was when the hurricanes were happening. My 5 yr old wanted “helping others” in there. We used our last name as the acronym and we used “serve others”. She is finding at least one thing a day that she can do to serve. I see my daughter, me and my husband on other ends of the service spectrum. We live 2 blocks away from an Assisted Living Home. I know that they get a lot of visitors around the holidays, but not other than that. I know there were some people that have never had visits from family. Once a month or every other week for a year we are going to go. Right now we are just going to visit. I’m sure we will make connections and adopt a few. Children want to form a relationship. Class member: I had a lady come up to me on Sunday and she said, “I watch your boys every week pass the sacrament.” She said you know this sister that is in the wheelchair, “Are you aware that they pick up the bread and put it in her hand and pick up the cup and give it to her. They are the only ones that do it.” I don’t know that I have ever sat down and talked to them about service, but I have pushed them a lot about serving being their priesthood duty. Service can be part of who they are. We want the service assignments to transfer into who they are. That’s the heart of service. Class member: I had the assignment sheet passed around last week and I was able to go back and think about where my heart was when I originally signed up, but then this week I was able to do it and I realized that my heart had changed. Class member: The homework by Lynn Robbins was really good for me. We have been working on encouraging our 11 yr old child. She is a child that is harder to love. We have been praying to see her as our Heavenly Father sees her. In the last couple of weeks she is doing better. We finally feel like there is hope. It felt like there was nothing getting through to her. I found comfort in the words of Lynn Robbins. It was refreshing when I asked her to do something she said ‘sure mom.’ It’s interesting when we get that down it changes both of us…the child and you. You have control over your change, but not hers. As we change, the environment changes, and then they choose to change. Class member: While reading that talk I thought of my child that was a little bit harder too. I had a different perspective. I figured my attitude toward him with service could be a bit better. I thought I serve my child all the time, but I need to serve him with a different heart. We are working to change our heart. We may be doing the same deed, but if our heart is different it’s different. Class member: Last week in the Thursday night class you said to relate the “Be’s” back to the Savior? They are having a fit with tying it back to the Savior. Do we have to relate it back to the gospel? Is it just a teenage thing? When you tie it back to the Savior they realize that the gospel is not a ‘subject’. If you teach the Plan of Happiness it IS their life. Everything flows into it. School and home and church flow into the Plan of Happiness. The journey is the Plan of Happiness. If your children feel like that then back off using the Savior’s name a little bit. You don’t teach your children, “Would the Savior hit?” Instead teach “The Savior is kind.” Don’t use the Savior as a rod to beat them up by. It just depends on how you say it or use it. Class member: The biggest thing I took away from the talk was him talking about separating that what they did wrong is who they are. When my daughter was very young a friend was over and when her child misbehaved she called her over and said, Was that a good choice? No. What could you do different? How about we try that next time. Separate the deed from the person. That love needs to be expressed. HOMEWORK:
These are the ones that all come as the ‘antedote’ for pride and contention. These will put the Spirit in your home. What is service? What do you think about? Class member answers…
Service is a condition of the heart when you do the behavior. It doesn’t come naturally. When you raise them in a world of entitlement it’s even harder. Are my friends going to be there? Is it going to be hard? I don’t want to do it. This is the world they are living in. You are responsible to parent them out of it because the world will not parent them out of it. You need to parent them to a heart of charity. First thing is to get the vision of what you want. It takes year to train them into that spot!! It doesn’t come in one event. It comes in multiple events. You have to do it with them not just you sending them out to do it. They watched him take ‘any’ job. Nothing was beneath him. These types of events help children appreciate the giving and the receiving. Class member: You have to be willing to let your family be served by others. When my twins were born I was on bedrest for 2 weeks in the hospital and then in the NICU. One of my best friends took my kids to school everyday in another town for 6 weeks. I’m amazed that one situation has made my oldest son sign up for everything. He knows what it’s like to be on the receiving end. We have to allow them to be served. We do need to volunteer ourselves and our kids not just for the ‘necessary’ things, but for things that are just volunteer. Tracy’s family were always the last ones in the kitchen doing dishes after an assignment. It’s the attitude over years that ‘this is what we do’. You have to display the spirit of ‘this is great! Aren’t we blessed to have the opportunity to serve?” We want to teach them that service is a way of life. Class member: As a convert (her Mom) really saw the blessing of Relief Society Sisters and what they can do. My Mom’s friend had breast cancer and got really ill. She was a young mother with little kids. My Mom would go bathe her and take care of her. When my Mom left our house other RS sisters would come to our house and help us because her family was being taken care of. What a powerful thing that these sisters together can do. The question is… “Where is your personal heart??? And how do you teach this heart to your children.” Class member: I have loved service. A couple of years ago when I was turning 27 we are doing a random act of kindness for 27 days before my birthday. We took cookies to the firestation, or leave balloons in the park, or pay for the person behind us in the drive through. My kids love it. It has to grow to those things that aren’t fun! When you have an opportunity to serve and it’s not fun this is where the hard part is. It has to go past ‘fun’, but that we have the same attitude in the ‘hard and not fun’ things. Some of you have been blessed with the divine gift of charity. One of the visuals of that gift is the love of serving. That is the fruit of having that gift. It says we don’t have all the gifts, but you pray to have that gift. That gift is bestowed. You need to ask ‘how to magnify’ that one. We still have to help the gifts we have grow and bloom. This is an important value to teach in your family. It has to be taught. When given an opportunity to just get right down and do it sometimes we balk. We want to do service on our time table in our own way when it works for us. This is a Service Continuum (pg 84) I wanted to know where I was on the spiritual line. Am I getting spiritual or am I just doing stuff? I spent a lot of time praying about it. I needed a visual a report card. I didn’t just need a blessing that says Heavenly Father loves you. This service continuum was what was given to me. Service is the heart of spirituality. If you take the attribute of service and the condition of your heart that was a good indication of where I was spiritually. Doing ‘things’ I wasn’t necessarily becoming spiritual. I think we fluctuate on some events. We may do better in our church calling that in our marriage. Our marriage might be good, but parenting is hard for us. Level 1: I Won’t The sign up sheet goes around and I won’t do it. I won’t work in the nursery. I’ve done my time there. I won’t do primary music. This person actually stops themselves from growing. This person is part of this world of entitlement. I expect things to come in, but I’m not willing to have things go out. I’m offended if no one notices me and takes care of me. It’s a one way street. We can be teaching the ‘talk’ in our families, but it isn’t changing heart. Example: We were in Relief Society and we had a lesson on compassionate service and love. It was an amazing lesson. The teacher was right on. The lady behind me raised her hand and made a very profound comment. At the end of the lesson the RS President stood up and said, “We have a lady that is not a member of the church, who just had a baby and the same day she had an aneurism and she is critical. They just moved here. They don’t know anyone. The Dad has to work and be free to go to the hospital.” The lady that made this comment behind me said, “Why would they ask us to do that? She’s not even a member of our ward.” I went up after church and had that baby for 6 weeks. It was so hard when the Dad came to take that baby home. Level 2: I Have To Yes…I’ll take that dinner in. It’s a heaviness of heart. It’s ridden on guilt. The martyrdom syndrome. This is a Laman & Lemuel. Sometimes you do keep the commandments, but there is a definite…”I have to! My Mom made me.” They feel unappreciated. They feel abused a little bit. It’s about how we feel. Do we call on the same people? Yes. Class member: “The most important service is the inconvenient service” President Uchtdorf. Example: pg 80—story What they were asked to do didn’t change, but how they did it changed. They actually moved up to this next level. Anytime you find yourself in one of these places the goal is to move up to the next level. This is progressive…line upon line. It is a choice! You pray for a paradigm shift. Class member: We take turns saying family prayer at night. My 5 year old has started fighting with us about it. Why do I have to do it? I keep telling her ‘we get to pray’. At a different time I would sit down and have a talk about what a privilege it is to pray to Heavenly Father and he knows us and answers us. It would break my heart if I didn’t want to talk to me. I wonder if that is how he feels. Level 3: I Will… This is a big step. You have a desire to do it. You are dependable. You like to be noticed for doing it. You want someone to appreciate it. You do it because you want to do what’s right, not necessarily because you love the other person. You are doing it out of the spirit of duty. Example: ‘Story’ in syllabus pg 81 You aren’t going to look out for extras. Level 4: I Want to… This is where your love of people starts. I see that they are hurting and I want to help them. I want to lift a burden. You look for ways to help. You reach out to these YW. You love these people. You do extra things for your children and for you marriage. Do you see the energy in this level. You are doing a lot of good things. Level 5: May I… What’s the difference between the humanitarian programs of the world and the humanitarian programs of the church? We are all reaching out and trying to alleviate needs. The answer was profound. The answer was these humanitarian projects and people because they love people and they can’t stand seeing people suffer. They want to alleviate this pain. Then he said the reason we do it is because we love the Lord and want to serve the Lord by serving his children. It is a privilege to serve anyone because I am so in debt. Every opportunity to serve becomes a blessing not a burden. I am on the ‘Lord’s errand’. It’s not something to do, it’s because I love the Lord I am grateful and I owe you so much for the Atonement. I can never repay the debt. This is all based on your depth and understanding of the love of the Savior. Being challenged to study the attributes of Christ and memorize The Living Christ. We will have to step up in helping those who are serving. This suffering is going to increase. Our desire to serve will naturally increase and we become more prepared to help those who need help. Class member: Sister Hinkley said, ““I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.” Page 83 (Quote) We aren’t seeking opportunities because we love the Lord. We will lose opportunities to serve. We have to seek to become the ‘Lord here am I send me!’ It has to be a way of life. It only comes as they get involved in these experiences. They grow to be inconvenient experiences. This is the season. BUT every day of the year ‘is the season’. HOMEWORK: Do a hard service project with your family. It has to be family effort not parental dictation. I want it to be hard. It doesn’t have to be physically hard. It has to be hard for your family. It may be that you visit a nursing home every Sunday until Christmas. It’s about Heavenly Father who needs us? You need to pray about it. I want it to hurt. If you take a needy family for Christmas don’t take the money out of your pocket or budget. It needs to be more than just buying toys and taking them in. I want it to be hard! I want it to be because you love the Savior and this is your gift to him by helping one of his children. It won’t be easy if you choose to do it. Some of you will say I won’t do it. That’s ok. Look at it on the Service Spectrum. Class member: We have put up a gratitude tree where we add leaves and when the missionaries were over they added to my trees.
Class member: That’s all my husband talked about was change percentages this week. He said ‘that’s the best thing ever’. Class member: I am overwhelmed, just knowing that I need to do it. I don’t want to fight everyone about that. Sometime’s Mom has a great idea and everyone fights about it. Challenge them to come up with the idea. You can say the prophet told us to take care of the refugees. Have an idea in the back of your mind. Class member: Last year to go along with the “beware of pride” we decided that we would get someone in our family to the temple each week if we could and did family history at home if we couldn’t. Our family wanted to still do the temple service again this year. It can’t help, but help you come out of pride a little bit. They help each other work on family history too and finding names. They looked through our budget and decided what we could do to help out with a family missionary that was out. They looked at what they could cut out (eating out, entertainment, etc) to use that money to help care for the missionary. Class member: We talked about maybe we could invite some of the single invite them for dinner or to a band concert or something. These are fabulous opportunities. One Thanksgiving when most of my kids were coming home I took $10 for each grandchild. I said you have from now until Christmas to do something amazing for someone else. For the Christmas Eve program you can share what you did. I would prefer you wouldn’t just hand it to someone on the street corner. They came up with creative things. One bought lunch for someone at school that needed it. Someone else had done a “Pay it Forward”. That was a fun experience. One thing my kids remember the most we always picked a family in a different ward. The kids were to get 3 things for one of the people in that family. They had to get something to eat, something to wear, and something that was fun. They had to earn their budget. I was more generous paying for jobs that time of the year. On a FHE we would all go shopping. We came home and had a huge wrapping party. On Christmas Eve we would do the ditch and run. It was really snowing hard. We ended up with 2 trampolines that year. We decided we were going to give one of them to this family. The oldest kids weren’t out of high school. We were trying to put up a trampoline in the middle of the road ‘quietly’. We had to carry it down the road to this house. They carried the trampoline to the front door. To watch that family open the door and see what was there it was amazing! They talk about it and talk about it. They are all doing it in their families. We’ve almost been caught a couple of times. It still is magical. We’ve done missionaries that will write and sent our missionaries big boxes that they could hand out to children. Class member: My sister-in-law is on his mission in Guatemala. He was in such a scary location. His Mom just felt the need to help the best they could. They ended up taking their 5 kids to Mexico last year from Christmas. They told them that going was Christmas. They helped build an orphanage. Up front it looks like another job on the job list. You have to have faith first and do it before you see how it changes the lives of your children and you. If you want to do something really hard to the Twelve Days of Christmas. Continue to think about it and maybe you can make part of your Thanksgiving discussions. Class member: We finally finished our family mission statement. We wrote it in a poem form. I have 3 boys right now. Class member: I read over all the notes…the Service Continuum. How do you help the kids to get from the “I won’t” to the “I have to” to the “I want”? Teach it in a FHE. Give them an empty chart. You only have to move from one step to another. Help them to say “I want to” or “I will”. Verbalize when you are walking up to the next step. A lot of times our kids are on the “I won’t” then they look at perfection and they feel defeated and so do you. We need to help them move up a little at a time and help them fill value. Give them opportunities to serve. Do family service projects. It needs to be hard, but they can have fun together. Service is physical! They have to do it on all levels. For the family for each other. Class member: My family did service projects each year, but I didn’t get it until I was an adult. I remember how hard it was as an 8 year old child to give away candy. All of my kids were at a science fair. We were coming home and dressed nice. We drove past an elderly man in the ward and he had leaves everywhere in his yard. We didn’t have a lot of leaves. His yard was a blanket of leaves. They said, “Can we stop and rake leaves”. We pulled over. They raked the yard and they were filthy when we got home. They had fun in the leaves. You have to be creative and make it fun. Consistent little ones can be more powerful. It’s learning to live in gratitude which attitude produces service. You can do service and it’s a ‘job’. If you have service based on gratitude it is filled with joy. We should get involved in community service projects. Class member: A lot of the schools have leadership projects. You can always go with them. If you are looking for ideas. The bottom line is that you have to look for them. You have to want to teach service intentionally. Class member: There is a website www.justserve.org Mom, you are the one that has to do it and you have to find these opportunities to serve. Class member: Malary was getting ready to go on her mission and she asked Nate who works at the MTC what she can do to get ready to go on her mission. He said the best thing you can do is to go down once a week and serve at the soup kitchen. You need to be comfortable with reaching out to those not in your bubble. We need to get our children out of their comfort zones for people who need service and not in the ‘church’ circle. My challenge is…don’t just let service be just at this time of the year. Class member: There is someone in our ward who takes the little kids to all the widow’s homes and give them a rose on Valentine’s Day. Class member: We have put up a gratitude tree where we add leaves and when the missionaries were over they added to my trees.
Class member: That’s all my husband talked about was change percentages this week. He said ‘that’s the best thing ever’. Class member: I am overwhelmed, just knowing that I need to do it. I don’t want to fight everyone about that. Sometime’s Mom has a great idea and everyone fights about it. Challenge them to come up with the idea. You can say the prophet told us to take care of the refugees. Have an idea in the back of your mind. Class member: Last year to go along with the “beware of pride” we decided that we would get someone in our family to the temple each week if we could and did family history at home if we couldn’t. Our family wanted to still do the temple service again this year. It can’t help, but help you come out of pride a little bit. They help each other work on family history too and finding names. They looked through our budget and decided what we could do to help out with a family missionary that was out. They looked at what they could cut out (eating out, entertainment, etc) to use that money to help care for the missionary. Class member: We talked about maybe we could invite some of the single invite them for dinner or to a band concert or something. These are fabulous opportunities. One Thanksgiving when most of my kids were coming home I took $10 for each grandchild. I said you have from now until Christmas to do something amazing for someone else. For the Christmas Eve program you can share what you did. I would prefer you wouldn’t just hand it to someone on the street corner. They came up with creative things. One bought lunch for someone at school that needed it. Someone else had done a “Pay it Forward”. That was a fun experience. One thing my kids remember the most we always picked a family in a different ward. The kids were to get 3 things for one of the people in that family. They had to get something to eat, something to wear, and something that was fun. They had to earn their budget. I was more generous paying for jobs that time of the year. On a FHE we would all go shopping. We came home and had a huge wrapping party. On Christmas Eve we would do the ditch and run. It was really snowing hard. We ended up with 2 trampolines that year. We decided we were going to give one of them to this family. The oldest kids weren’t out of high school. We were trying to put up a trampoline in the middle of the road ‘quietly’. We had to carry it down the road to this house. They carried the trampoline to the front door. To watch that family open the door and see what was there it was amazing! They talk about it and talk about it. They are all doing it in their families. We’ve almost been caught a couple of times. It still is magical. We’ve done missionaries that will write and sent our missionaries big boxes that they could hand out to children. Class member: My sister-in-law is on his mission in Guatemala. He was in such a scary location. His Mom just felt the need to help the best they could. They ended up taking their 5 kids to Mexico last year from Christmas. They told them that going was Christmas. They helped build an orphanage. Up front it looks like another job on the job list. You have to have faith first and do it before you see how it changes the lives of your children and you. If you want to do something really hard to the Twelve Days of Christmas. Continue to think about it and maybe you can make part of your Thanksgiving discussions. Class member: We finally finished our family mission statement. We wrote it in a poem form. I have 3 boys right now. Class member: I read over all the notes…the Service Continuum. How do you help the kids to get from the “I won’t” to the “I have to” to the “I want”? Teach it in a FHE. Give them an empty chart. You only have to move from one step to another. Help them to say “I want to” or “I will”. Verbalize when you are walking up to the next step. A lot of times our kids are on the “I won’t” then they look at perfection and they feel defeated and so do you. We need to help them move up a little at a time and help them fill value. Give them opportunities to serve. Do family service projects. It needs to be hard, but they can have fun together. Service is physical! They have to do it on all levels. For the family for each other. Class member: My family did service projects each year, but I didn’t get it until I was an adult. I remember how hard it was as an 8 year old child to give away candy. All of my kids were at a science fair. We were coming home and dressed nice. We drove past an elderly man in the ward and he had leaves everywhere in his yard. We didn’t have a lot of leaves. His yard was a blanket of leaves. They said, “Can we stop and rake leaves”. We pulled over. They raked the yard and they were filthy when we got home. They had fun in the leaves. You have to be creative and make it fun. Consistent little ones can be more powerful. It’s learning to live in gratitude which attitude produces service. You can do service and it’s a ‘job’. If you have service based on gratitude it is filled with joy. We should get involved in community service projects. Class member: A lot of the schools have leadership projects. You can always go with them. If you are looking for ideas. The bottom line is that you have to look for them. You have to want to teach service intentionally. Class member: There is a website www.justserve.org Mom, you are the one that has to do it and you have to find these opportunities to serve. Class member: Malary was getting ready to go on her mission and she asked Nate who works at the MTC what she can do to get ready to go on her mission. He said the best thing you can do is to go down once a week and serve at the soup kitchen. You need to be comfortable with reaching out to those not in your bubble. We need to get our children out of their comfort zones for people who need service and not in the ‘church’ circle. My challenge is…don’t just let service be just at this time of the year. Class member: There is someone in our ward who takes the little kids to all the widow’s homes and give them a rose on Valentine’s Day. We are living in a self entitled ‘selfie’ world. Our children are all worried about self. Being in that environment at school, church, and with peers we live in a ‘selfie’ environment. In order to teach our children to be Christ-like. Christ came to serve not to be served (in Matthew). You feel the Spirit prompt you and give you an answer. A few times in my life when I have really been seeking to know something I have had amazing answers. This ‘service’ was that moment when new light comes in. I really wanted to know if I had a spiritual report card what would be my grade. I wanted to know if I was getting there. I needed a measuring stick. I wanted to know ‘what do I need to do if I wanted to take that next step up?’ I wanted a report card even if I didn’t like what it said. I wanted to know how to change. I was seeking how I could be more Christ-like. The answer came in what I’m going to share with you today. I hope as you ponder it, it will become profound to you. I hope that you can see how to move forward and to judge myself. I think the key to becoming like Christ is in ‘service’. It’s how we serve other people. “There is nothing left for us to gain on our own if we receive and possess all that the Father has. He is the sole source of all authentic gifts, acquisitions, powers, and satisfactions. As we obtain all that it is possible to obtain through the Father’s promised blessings, the only option for more joy is to bless others with caring service. Once we have the gift of charity, once we have received all ordinances, and once we have claim on all blessings and all things from the Father, our only possible work and glory is to serve and bless others. To serve is our ultimate and eternal destiny.” (Elder V. Dallas Merrell, Ensign, December 1996) Once we have charity, and ordinance, and claim to the blessings….I think we are all in that. We have gone through the ordinance do we really understand it so that it is ‘through’ us. We are in the process of learning to have charity. Service is the process of becoming holy. You take a dinner over to someone that just had surgery. It didn’t make you feel holy it made you feel stressed. I feel like it’s just another thing on my to-do list. The key for service is the condition of your heart when you do the service. It’s not the act of service. Your self grading is on the condition of the heart when you do the service. Look at this Service Continuum and see where you are on it. A continuum is a none ending line. It’s continuous. When we talk about the Service Continuum because of what it represents. On this continuum we will NEVER get there in this life. Our goal it to get closer. Our process is to see where we are and where our children are and to help them move forward. When we are in the influence of Satan he doesn’t care if you think too much of yourself or you think too little of yourself. He wants you to always be thinking of yourself. The Service Continuum is a way to see how sucked into Satan’s plan you are into thinking about yourself. We aren’t in depression or pride thinking about ourselves. This helps you see maybe where you are. In every part of your life you may be in a different place in the continuum. You can be in one place in your church calling in YW, but lousy as a visiting teacher, good as a friend, but lousy as a mother. You can be in a different spot in every section of your life.
This is NOT an event is a process. You cannot go from being lousy to being really good. You just need to change percentages and go up the next step and then the next step. As you seek to do that you will be empowered to make those next steps. Just because you aren’t perfect doesn’t mean that you aren’t making process. I Won’t Will you take dinner to someone? Nope! Will you be the nursery leader? Nope! I won’t is…don’t ask me to. Why would you ask me to donate to Humanitarian I’m barely making it here. All you see is you and your needs and why it’s an imposition. This person lives by praise. Self value comes from what someone else gives to you, but they feel entitled to receive that. This is really pride and it’s I won’t. What is your first response? These people are quick to take offense and blame other people. They live in self pity mode. I want you to see that. Most of you aren’t like that. You are seeking to become and be better. You probably know people who are there. I Have to/I Need to… I need to be better at visiting teaching. I have to do temple work. This is Laman & Lemuel. They DID do it, but they complained the entire way. Everything is a burden. We look at joy as being “conditional”. When my kids are in school I’ll be happy. “I need to do that….” These people are not always dependable. Guilt! These people may not show up. They feel overwhelmed with life and procrastinate a lot. Some of you go there occasionally, but don’t live there. I have to do it, no one else will. These next 2 levels are more of a mental thing. You have to change the words you say in your mind. I Will (I’ll try)… The cop out is ‘I’ll try’. It’s your way of saying ‘no I won’t’. I will accept that calling because I’m not supposed to turn down a calling. This person really does desire to be good. Life is heavy. They carry a lot of guilt. Your kids will keep score…I will do that, but I want to be sure everyone else is doing their part too. I don’t want to do any more than anyone else. I will be a good wife. I gave him a treat last time so it’s your turn to do it for me. It’s a score keeping. I Want To… I want to have a calling. I don’t care what it is. I want to be a mother. I want to have these children. I want to be a wife. I want to make other people’s lives better. (From a Conference talk) What is the difference between the Humanitarian Services the world has and the church’s Humanitarian Services? Humanitarian Services in the world ‘want’ to help. They are living right there wanting to help and do and be. The difference is the next level. The next level is that you want all of that because of gratitude for what the Lord gave to you. Most of us live on the “I want” level May I…I Am Thankful… We do this because we appreciate the Atonement and serve out of love for the Savior. We serve because we love Him. I don’t think you can get in that last category without consciously studying the Savior and his life. We need to teach our children to serve like this. How do we get there by serving because we are thankful for. We provide service opportunities for our children, but they have to learn gratitude. They won’t jump levels if they are doing it out of obedience to you. It won’t change their heart. Gratitude is what softens the heart for them or you. GRATITUDE Gratitude is more than teaching your children to say ‘thank you’. Gratitude is the way you look at life. The goal is that the Gratitude is focused on the Savior. So you see all life and life experiences through the window of the Savior. “It has been said that the sin of ingratitude is more serious than the sin of revenge. With revenge, we return evil for evil, but with ingratitude we return evil for good.” (W. Eugene Hansen) Think about that in relationship to Heavenly Father. When we are not grateful for these gifts…we return even for good. The reason Heavenly Father commanded us in all things to be grateful is not because he wants glory. The reason is because gratitude heals the heart. D&C 59 In that experience the Lord commanded them they should have gratitude, sing, and give thanks in praise. When they were in the pit of despair the Lord says be grateful. Be grateful because gratitude heals the heart. Vs. 15 inasmuch as ye do these things with thanksgiving, with cheerful hearts and countenances, not with much laughter, for this is sin, but with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance-- When we express gratitude it opens up the door. The Roman Orator Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” (Marcus Tullius Cicero, Pro Plancio, 54 b.c.) President Faust ( Ensign, December 1996) said, “A grateful heart is the beginning of greatness. It is the expression of humility and the foundation for the development of:
How do you develop gratitude? “O Remember Remember” President Eyring “Tender Mercies” Elder Bednar Keep a daily journal of how you see the hand of the Lord in your life daily. Substituting the word “gratitude” for the word “faith”, James 2:17-18 would read: “Even so “gratitude,” if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea, a man may say, Thou hast “gratitude” and I have works: shew me thy “gratitude” without thy works, and I will shew thee my “gratitude” by my works.” Saying ‘thank you’ is gratitude without works. This is only manners. Write down 3 things you are thankful for… 1. 2. 3. Thanksgiving is made of 2 words….”thanks” and “giving”. The question is…because of what you have that you are thankful for what will you do. To give thanks is to do something Feb 2004 “Small Experiences” by Steven A West A fourth experience happened in 1957 in Portland, Oregon, where I served as a young missionary in the Northwestern States Mission. Several of us were walking from the mission home to the mission office a few blocks away. As we walked, a car stopped abruptly, and a man jumped out and ran toward us asking, “Are you preaching the gospel of Brigham?” We started to reply, “We are missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” when he handed us $9.00 and a box of saltwater taffy. Before we could give him back the money, he ran back to his car and drove away. We thought the experience was very unusual. Some months later in a multizone conference, a missionary told about an experience he and his companion had while waiting at a bus stop. A man stopped his car, jumped out, and gave them $7.00 and a box of peanut brittle, then drove off. Another missionary related a similar experience while tracting in a suburb of Portland, this time with $14.00 and a box of chocolate mints. The pattern continued as one missionary after another told similar stories, each involving various amounts of money and different types of candy; in all instances, the man left before much discussion could ensue. Finally, a missionary stood and told how he and his companion happened to know this man. As the elders were preparing to enter a bus station, a man, seeing they were missionaries for the Church, asked where they were going and if they needed a ride. Those being simpler and safer days, the missionaries accepted the offer and rode with him south through Oregon. During the course of that ride, their newfound friend gave them some money and candy, then told them this story: In 1932 he had been young and unemployed because of the Depression. While crossing the United States as a vagrant looking for work, he ventured to a town in the northern part of the Great Plains. Since it was Christmas Eve and he had no place to stay, he decided to crawl under a bridge to spend the night out of the snow. He found there were two people already there—two young men in coats and ties and white shirts with some packages on their laps. They were LDS missionaries who had just been to the post office to pick up Christmas packages sent to them by their families. Being too excited to wait until they arrived home, they had decided to get out of the snow and see what their families had sent. The missionaries invited the vagrant to join them under the bridge as they opened their packages. One of the missionaries received cookies and hand-knit gloves. The other received brownies, homemade candy, and a hand-knit scarf. As they sat under the bridge, they shared their treats with this man and then sang Christmas carols together. When the elders were ready to leave, they asked the man if he had a place to sleep. He told them he was used to staying outdoors and would be all right. They then said, “If you are going to stay here, you should take our cookies and brownies to eat as well as the scarf and gloves to keep you warm.” He protested, but they persisted, so he happily accepted the cookies, brownies, scarf, and gloves. The missionaries then left to go to their lodgings. The man told the two missionaries he was giving a ride to in 1957 that he had never forgotten that experience and had resolved to never pass LDS missionaries without giving them whatever cash he had in his pocket. And inasmuch as he was at that time a wholesale candy salesman, he could also share samples of his wares. He told the missionaries he had been doing this for years and years. When they asked if he was a member of the Church, he said he was not because his wife objected to it. But he added that if she ever consented, he would be most interested in joining. For 25 years, he had been sharing with our missionaries. Who knows how long thereafter he continued to do the same. That is giving with out remember and receiving without forgetting. That is gratitude. Because he was thankful for what those 2 elder’s had done he gave whatever was in his pocket and a box of candy in his pocket. He DID something! That’s living in gratitude. FINAL: This is connected with service and gratitude and lesson on work. Ponder these 3 lessons. Do a Christmas Service Project.
Example…if you pick a family to give Christmas to then your children need to work and earn the money and save it. If it means they have to go without ‘something’ at Christmas it’s worth it. They aren’t suffering. They are learning a valuable gift. I want this to take time. Think about it. Talk about it. Plan for it. I want you to live for the next 48 days until Christmas. You will have to discuss it as a family. Example…it doesn’t have to cost money, but it has to cost heart. You may choose to adopt a Grandma in a nursing home. It’s the opportunity to overcome that fear. Go sing for her, make a gift for her, play the piano for her. Example…serve several times in the soup kitchen. Example…do a project for the homeless shelter. If it’s not hard you won’t learn what there is to learn. I want it to be hard. Unless it is you won’t enjoy the sweetness of the blessing that will come after it is over. These become very sacred personal experiences. You need to plan it and record it. You need to write about the process of it. You will have flack along the way. Kids don’t like to do hard things. In the end the joy will be exquisite. Class member: When you asked us to write something every day that is the most helpful thing that has happened the last few days. It changes your heart and helps you. I was in the temple by myself. Lots of people come in with spouses. It’s very likely my husband may not be with me soon. I looked at all the little suitcases at the top and the Spirit said to be grateful for what you have. I understand more and more why that’s important. That is what I need and what my family needs right now is a grateful heart. It will change your life. I testify to you. The greatest gift is the Savior and his Atonement. When we begin to understand and appreciate it and we live in gratitude we will learn about all our Father in Heaven gave to us through His Son. I testify that if you accept this challenge it will be the sweetest experience you will have. It will be the greatest gift you can give your children and Him. Sacrifice beyond comfort to someone else. What have you learned from this past 10 weeks? What is your take away?
Class member: It’s more of a priority for me to get my kids to love to work. That’s what I’ve been really trying to focus on. Our background is that we have a blended family for the past 6 years. We have older kids. I didn’t focus on work and now I have kids leaving the house. My youngest 2 are going to be the ones I get right. I’ve learned it’s never to late to keep trying. As you work on the younger two you will be surprised how much it will influence the older ones. It’s never too late! I’m not teaching new doctrine. This is application of the truths we already know. Hopefully we see them in a motivating light. Class member: I noticed that I am a lot more patient with my children. I didn’t really come here for a list of things to do. I came for a spiritual experience. I have really appreciated that. I came to work on myself. As a result of working on myself I teach out of love and purpose. My frustration and anxiety levels are much lower. I don’t think you can ever stop working on yourself in a spiritual way. It’s amazing how many people say I came to learn about my children, but I left learning about me. Class member: It’s helped me identify specific “parenting” things. It’s given me the fact that Parenting can be fun. Let’s make an activity to detract from the ‘learning’ part of it. It should be. This is the greatest gift Heavenly Father can give you. Being a parent is the greatest. Class member: The example of living gratitude. I want to make sure my kids know that I love being a mother. I think that I need to change my attitude. I’m learning how I need to change me. I think a lot of us thing we are really happy being a mom. We don’t want to be single or without kids, but we just don’t always radiate the joy of being a Mom. We need to smile more Part of it is turning life into joy. You can have fun with it. Class member: I loved the family mission statement. We did ours 5-6 weeks ago. It’s been amazing to be able to pull from that. I don’t have it memorized yet, but we are working on it. It’s been great to draw from that. ‘ You have to use it after you write it. Class member: I have missed the past 2 classes. I was sitting there thinking about all the things that I have to do. I was thinking that my 8 year old hasn’t ever done the dishes. So I pulled him in and I pulled him in and had him start working with him. We talked about it. He wasn’t very happy to begin with. Class member: My oldest is 4. She likes to work and do things with me. One morning she didn’t come in the kitchen and help one morning and she decided she wouldn’t eat them because she hadn’t helped. It’s easy, but sometimes it’s so annoying. Class member: I’m feeling excited about gratitude and service. I hosted part of a progressive dinner for all the YW. We had about 50 people in my house last night. My daughter that is a Laurel was about to do the devotional in our home. We have been trying to focus on that. She is seeing it in fasting and praying. She is also a Family History working. We are talking about that and reading scriptures. We need the blessings from doing the work for them. We have spray painted leaves gold and every night we write someone’s name on it of someone that blesses their lives, then clipping it with a clothespin to twine as a garland. Class member: It’s interesting to see how my daughter craved the attention. Class member: There have been a lot of things. I find myself thinking…did I just do that? Just being here and being reminded and hearing in a different way. On a daily basis I have been evaluating myself. We have always done FHE from the General Conference issue. We got those for them this time and they have highlighters. My daughter did FHE from her Ensign. I can’t come next time, but I will follow the blog. The kids take ownership and want to know what’s in it. So many paydays. Class member: You know when you have little kids and go to church and you end up in the hall and you think why am I even here. My kids are older. This class is a real grounding tool to keep real expectations. My kids ‘know’, but they don’t just do it. You don’t see the paydays until after they leave. I still have to go check their jobs. You still have to role play saying 3 nice things about the person. The purpose is not to ‘get it’. We keep teaching those correct principles and the payday is further down the road. My missionary kids are seeing ‘why’ we did the things we did. There is a huge difference between knowing it in your head and knowing it in your heart. Class member: I feel like the Lord has been telling me the same things over and over…read your scriptures, say your prayers. This year the class has punched me in the face and I’ve worked hard on making my prayers more meaningful. We have been reading the scriptures each day. Before it was “I should”. This year it was “I have time”. My own personal study is better. I’ve heard all of it and I know all of it. I just haven’t done it. He doesn’t want to offend. Sometimes they have a harder time standing up. You struggle with them. I keep telling Tracy this kid is fabulous. I can see him different. He doesn’t want to be with the adults. He goes and plays with the kids. You have these ‘payday’ moments. Tracy…at mutual last night the youth are in charge of the ward Christmas Party. They are having the youth act out the nativity. We have this lady that is a little intense working with them. They assigned parts last night. They have a part for a boy where they need to sing a whole song by themselves. After a couple of minutes Cody said I will do it because I know no one else will do it. He is so afraid that he will croak in the song. He has the confidence to handle it. The sibling just above him played the lead in the school musical and stole the show. His older sister does piano and performances. Cody doesn’t profess to sing. For him to do this…building self esteem, gratitude, service…that’s what it looks like when they got it. It doesn’t mean they don’t still have growing up pains. He is well founded. He will make good choices. We sometimes get so tunnel visioned that we forget to look at how fabulous they are. They know that they are making good choices. GratitudeGratitude is something that is learned. Children come into the world very self focused. We have to teach them to think out. Our society is very self focused….What’s in it for me? Am I having fun? Little things are causing riots because you didn’t say something right. I want to be angry and a cause to be mad at. None of it is for the benefit of the masses. I want to be in power and in control. All selfish. When we teach gratitude that is the beginning point, the foundation, the place, that all other positive attributes spring from. When I first heard that I had to ponder on that for along time. I do believe it now. Think about humility. Why are you humble? Because you are grateful for the service someone else has given you. Gratitude causes a softening of the heart. All the other virtues can grow out of a soft heart. You think about any positive attribute and see if you can really have it without being grateful. If there is an absence of gratitude then…. President James E. Faust said, “As gratitude is absent or disappears, rebellion often enters and fills the vacuum. I refer to rebellion against moral cleanliness, beauty, decency, honesty, reverence, and respect for parental authority.” (“Gratitude as a Saving Principle”, Ensign December 1996, pg 2) Because that’s true…if you have contention, rebellion, children that say “That’s not fair”., what’s missing….Gratitude. That void that comes will be filled by these hard hearted traits. The key is that we need to consciously teach gratitude. We tend to teach that if you want something, “make me a Santa list” You take your kids to the store and they are being good they ask if they can have a package of donuts and they say can I have a sucker at the next store. Because it’s not expensive and it’s not a sacrifice to us we tend to give it to them. Just because something isn’t wrong doesn’t mean that it’s right. We tend to overindulge our children. We allow them to live at the level of least resistance and then we complain. All we require is that level of least resistance. As they live there they develop the feeling of entitlement. When they start having this attitude of gratitude their heart softens they become more compliant. Pg 90---at the bottom….actual physical attributes, tangible things that come when you have a grateful heart. A grateful heart is not just saying thank you. When you are grateful you see the good, you experience the good, you look to the good. Examples of living in gratitude: Over the years, I have had the opportunity to work with the young women in the church. I have been concerned about how many of them are not interested in “growing up to be mothers”. When I ask them “why”, they say because it isn’t fun. Their mothers complain no one will help and how discouraging it is to just do the same dishes and wash the same clothes over and over again. Their mother’s murmur about how hard it is to have children that do not obey and help enough. It is no wonder these young women do not want to grow up to be mothers. This is certainly not an attitude of gratitude for the blessing of motherhood. Winnie Dalley shares her grateful view of motherhood in the Ensign of March 1998. “The young mother says: “I can’t wait until my kids are older and off to school. I know I chose to become a mother, but sometimes I just feel so trapped. My whole life revolves around dirty diapers, crying kids, and unending housework. I hesitate to speak, for fear of sounding insensitive. I can understand those feelings. “But don’t you see,” I yearn to say, “that the present, unsavory though it sometimes appears, is in reality most precious and delicious? There is perhaps nothing more delightful than the sound of a little child’s laugh, nothing more genuine than a little child’s hug, nothing more pure than a little child’s love and nothing more sacred than a little child’s trust. Motherhood is not a burden to be borne; it is a privilege to be enjoyed. It is not a trial of endurance; it is a time of celebration.” The difference between the two viewpoints is not the amount of work, or the tasks required, it is in the condition of the heart. The first mothers are counting their trials and Winnie is counting her blessings. The attitude of the mother has a great impact on the training of the hearts of the children. This is the Nephi vs Laman/Lemuel experience in the wilderness. The Mom chooses to count her blessing IN the experience. Class member: My Mom always said, “Being a Mom is always an adventure.” Adventures don’t always go right. My goal is that I hope you go away being thankful you are a Mom. It is the best blessing. It is the greatest gift God can give us in this life. D&C 59:7 “Thou shalt thank the Lord in all things. (not just the good things) D&C 59:21 “In nothing doth man offend God, or against none is His wrath kindled, save those who confess not His hand in all things, and obey not His commandment. When we take things for granted we offend God. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Rejoice always, pray constantly, and give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus.” The Roman Orator Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” (Marcus Tullius Cicero, Pro Plancio, 54 b.c.) It’s interesting that the Lord had COMMANDED us to thank him in ALL things. Corey Tenbloom talks about thanking him for the fleas. Having the fleas was what kept the guards from coming in and allowing them to read the Bible they had snuck in. Pray for the understanding. Class member: If you took everyone’s problems and put them in a pile you would take yours back. Joseph Smith said if we would thank the Lord with all our hearts we would find ourselves in heaven. President Faust ( Ensign, December 1996) said, “A grateful heart is the beginning of greatness. It is the expression of humility and the foundation for the development of:
James 2:17-18 Substituting the word “gratitude” for the word “faith”, James 2:17-18 would read: “Even so “gratitude,” if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea, a man may say, Thou hast “gratitude” and I have works: shew me thy “gratitude” without thy works, and I will shew thee my “gratitude” by my works.” You can say I have gratitude and I will send a thank you note. I can do that without having gratitude. I can do it because it’s socially appropriate things to do. We have to show you my gratitude by my works. Thanksgiving is made up of 2 words….Thanks….and….giving. Thanks is a noun. Giving is a verb. When we talk about giving thanks. A verb is an action word. The verb ‘to give’. What are you going to do to ‘give’/show thanks? Example: If you are grateful for food, you might choose to share it with someone by taking in a meal, donating to the food bank, or working for a few hours at a soup kitchen. Example: If you are grateful for your home, you may decide to try to keep it a little neater. Example: If you are grateful for your family, you might write each of them a note or have a one-on-one session with each of them to tell them how much you love them and some of the things you think are wonderful about them. If you want to do something hard that you can go in with each child individually and you kneel down with them and ask if you can be the voice for the prayer. You begin your prayer by telling Heavenly Father how thankful you are to the child. Ask that the Holy Spirit testify to the child and then talk about the things you see in the child and why you are grateful. Gratitude is a way of living. You will develop love and gratitude through service. ServiceI went through a period of time where I felt very much in need of knowing where I was on the spiritual continuum. Is what I’m doing moving me forward as I tumble? I just needed to know (a confirmation) a rubric not to know how I am right now, but how to I progress. I needed a visual. Not just “be faithful, keep the commandments…” I spent a lot of time praying that Heavenly Father would teach me something I could use to be this visual for me. He blessed me with an answer. That’s what I’m sharing with you here. It’s personal, but it’s also general. I feel like any time you read the scriptures, go to the temple, and look at the highest ordinance in the temple is consecration. Consecration is giving everything…you, your time, soul, thoughts, feelings to the Lord. I went to an education week and listened to a speaker “I finally reached a point in my life where I could give myself to the Lord (that’s consecration).” I thought…I want to be there. I still take my temperature too much. I just hadn’t reached that point yet. How do you do that? How do you overcome the natural man to the point that you can just say use me whenever you want? How do make my heart, my soul and my mind to that’s what I am? The key to becoming Christlike is the heart you have when you serve. The Savior came to earth with a mission to serve. He came to give his life for us and he knew that. He also came to live his life for us. From the time of his ministry at 30 until he died at 33, every portion of his life was given to someone else. He never said I’m just too tired tonight to heal the cripple. Bring him back in the morning. In America there was 2400 people at the temple. Even 10 seconds per person it would have been 8 hours that he stood there. He came to serve and not to be served. When we start having a harder heart it’s because usually we have to serve when we don’t want to. I think if you really want to know the true test of the living spirituality I think this is it. To find where you are on the Service Continuum is where you are. What is a Continuum? It’s like a time line without beginning or end. This is the condition of your heart. It’s going to continue to grow past this life and keep on growing. It’s not a matter of feeling like you are ‘there’. Where do I go if I choose to step up and ‘go’ somewhere. This doesn’t make me feel guilty it makes me feel hopeful. In every part of your life you are in a different part of your life….personally, sibling, church calling, spouse, wife, friend, daughter, mother…you are different in every role in your life. HOMEWORK: Study them and read them.
As you get more gratitude your heart changes and grows. You grow spiritually. I Won’t---This person lives in entitlement. It’s totally self focused. It expects other people to help you. You should be serving me because I have such a heavy burden. Example: A few years ago I was sitting in a wonderful Relief Society lesson on charity. As the lesson progressed I was impressed with the comments made by “Sister Jones”. Her remarks added to the lesson as she bore her testimony to the principle of charity. After the lesson was over, the Relief Society President stood up and shared an invitation for service. She said there was a non-member woman who lived in the ward boundaries, new to the area and she needed some help. She had just had a baby followed by a brain aneurism that was very serious. The lady was in the hospital, her husband had to work and they needed someone to watch this new baby night and day. Her neighbor had been talking to her about the church before the baby had been born and they wondered if anyone in the church could help them. They did not know where to turn. The father would come to visit but he could not keep the baby at night and still work and be able to visit with his wife. They did not know how long it would be and they did not know anyone in town. As the President was telling us about this woman, “Sister Jones”, who was sitting in back of me whispered to the lady next to her and said, “I don’t know why we have to tend that baby. That is too much to ask us to stay up all night with a new baby. They need to get one of their neighbors to do it. We don’t even know her.” I was shocked to hear her after all the vocal testimony she had given. Even though she knew about the principle of charity, when it came down to acting she would not. I was privileged to take that baby into our home for the next four weeks and what a great blessing it was to our family. I Have To---Laman/Lemuel they did leave, but they murmured the whole time. I Will/I’ll Try---Can you make it to help with our meeting? I’ll try. I’ll do it, but not with real intent. Yes…I’ll do it. You do it. I Want To---You are dependable. You want to be a good mother. This is a good level. This is where most of us live. The key is that there is a HUGE step to the next level. The next level is based on gratitude to the Savior. That is the core. Because of that I want to serve. May I---The Savior becomes the focus of your life. This level can only be achieved if you do deep study of the Atonement and know the meaning of the Atonement. When we reach that point we will turn our lives over to him. Class member: Our camp cook said, “This camp food is filled with my love of our Savior and this is why I am here to serve you” This is where you say…May I serve? May I be your hands below? Most of us will have those experiences from time to time. The goal is to shorten those spaces between then so we can live there. You have to study the Atonement, pray every day, read scriptures every day, attend the temple regularly. As you slip doing those things you will slip back to the “I want to” level. The goal is to keep moving up. The next time some asks you to take a dinner in note your response. If I say in my mind say “I will”…make it a verbal in your mind. You are training yourself to hit the next level. If you mope in the “I have to” level you can repent and change directions. Ask for forgiveness and verbally put in your mind to move up. Class member: A couple years back I was talking to some friends of mine. I said I have to go home and take dinner to someone. I said I guess I do make them a lot. I am asked to do it a lot. At some point it’s going to come around and I will need it. I happened to be making a meal for someone who is not a member. I called our RS president and said I have a hot meal ready who needs it. At that time our relationship was struggling (me and this mother) I held back for a minute, but finally did it. That little act of service was a way for us to mend our bridges. She showed such gratitude to me for something that wasn’t planned at all. When I was pregnant with my baby I was on bed rest for 4 months. For those 4 months I had meals brought in 3 nights a week for dinner and every day for lunch. Because I was willing to serve I could see the blessings coming back to me. Tracy’s husband was out of work with 6 kids at home. That’s hard. You could say…How come us? We are doing everything. OR with a heart of gratitude every sign up that went around in 9 months she signed up for. She set up and took down for every activity. They took meals in. I asked her once about it. She said, “Mom I’m so grateful to Heavenly Father and I need his blessings so much that I need to serve everyone I can.” She kept a journal of it. Those become sacred moments when we live on “May I…” It wasn’t complaining about what I don’t have. HOMEWORK: I hope you accept the challenge after the lessons on Work, Gratitude, and Service. I want you to commit to do something hard. It needs to be a bit painful. It can be time or money or whatever, but you give until it’s uncomfortable. Figure out a Christmas project. It can be taking on a family to take in Christmas. If that’s your choice you may have the money in your pocket, but you can’t just give your kids the money to go buy it. You need to set up a fund raising as a family. The purpose is to create a service project that is based on love for the Savior. Gratitude for his offering. That only comes if we do something that is difficult, that we sacrifice even as he sacrificed. You may decide to adopt a grandma at a nursing home. That will put everyone out of comfort. You may decide to go serve at the soup kitchen. Maybe you will go down to the VA. Maybe you have an assisted living in your ward. Talk to your family about it. Pray about it. It needs to be a gift of consecration to Him for all that He has given you. If you choose to do it you will have the most profound holiday season that you have ever had. I testify that these things are true in the name of Jesus Christ Amen. Marriage is next week. I decided we aren’t going to do any of those this week…the other 3 (self esteem, morality, stress/adversity). I went to Ontario, OR and did an all day women’s conference and I’m going to share with you what I taught over there. Who can tell me the story of Esther in the Old Testament? Esther was a Jewish girl. She was an orphan. Her parents died and her uncle raised her. The king wanted a new queen so word went out and women were selected and were trained for a year in how to be a queen. They were adorned with everything. Esther said she didn’t want that. She didn’t feel comfortable for that. They all went one at a time and were presented before the king. Esther stood out and he married her. She lived in the palace. One of the kings head leaders Haman was a proud man and he loved power and authority. He demanded that everyone bow down to him and Mordecai wouldn’t. Haman was going to have all the Jews killed. He told the king this tale about how they were bad. The king agreed. All the Jews were to be killed on a certain day. Mordecai told her about the plan and told her that this was the opportunity to save her people. There was also a law in the land that you can’t go before the king without an invitation. The penalty was death. Esther said if Mordecai would get the Jews together and fast then she and her handmaids would fast. “If I perish I perish.” She fasted for 3 days and dressed and went before the king. He held out his hand to her which meant she could come. She invited the king and Haman to a feast. They came to her feast. It was great. As the feast is coming to a close, Esther tells the king she is a Jew and about the plan. The king is angry. Haman is killed and Mordecai receives great respect in the kingdom. Her purpose was that she was saved for this day for a certain purpose. “Creating Places of Security” by Virginia Jensen (October 1997) Think of all the gays, divorce, premarital sex, living together, abortions, think about now…evil threatens to engulf our world. You were held to come forth at this time because of who you were. You came because you proved yourself President Ezra T Benson… (this fireside address was given at Brigham Young University on 4 March 1979.) The general authorities have said this is as bad or worse than the days of Noah or Soddom and Gommorah. Ours it to prepare to meet God. President Spencer W. Kimball “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters” October 1978…. Russell M Ballard “Women of Righteousness” April 2002 Then the question is if that is who you really are, “How come when you went into the mirror this morning you didn’t say, Wow! I’m so awesome. I was saved for today.” You don’t feel like that fits you. This is you. Stop buying into Satan’s advertisement. That isn’t you. Story: “Give Me Your Pearls” He was waiting for her to give up the dime store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. Heavenly Father wants you to give up the dime store image you have of yourself so he can give you the real image of who you are. Not who you can become. Not who you might be. Not if you pray 7 more times a week or 20 minutes longer. It’s what you are right now. You have the gifts. You have been saved to come now because of who you already are. It’s Satan who doesn’t want you to believe in who you really are. Why is it that we look at everyone else and say they are better than me. We have to stop comparing. The reason is because women feel the same, think the same, hurt the same, are lonely the same. We have different experiences, but what is inside of us is the same. It doesn’t matter what we look like. The inside of women is the same because we came given the same gifts and responsibilities and we are all living in a wicked world. We tend to build walls around ourselves because we are the only one. We want to appear to have no cracks and no flaws. We shut each other out. Part of that is because of last weeks lesson on communication. Often it’s because it shuts doors and we are afraid of how they will be received. People need to feel safe to talk with you. If there is no one that can relate in this room when we are done I need to talk to you. Story: “Torture of Buying a Bathing Suit” I love that story because it’s the only story that unites women. You can relate to this story. Some of us more than others can relate. There is a commonality between women. The Lord intended for us to live in a very wicked world. The interesting thing is that he intended for us to be joyful. If we are going to be in a wicked place how are we going to find joy. Is the Lord giving us 2 opposites that are impossible to attain? No. Which road map are we following. If we are miserable like unto Satan whose road map are we following? If you are joyful whose roadmap are you following? By their fruits you shall know them. That’s the roadmap you are following. Satan’s road map with you (it’s different with children and husband) is to keep you focused on the great and spacious building. When you look to the world to tell you what happiness, success, and joy are then you are focused on the great and spacious building. When you look to the Lord then you are holding onto the rod. For women we need to find out whose road map we are following seeking to get to a good eternal end. Are we being led away a bit in the fog and mist? Scientifically he will tell you that this is true. It’s in Ted Talks on Youtube “Shawn Achor” “The Happiness Advantage” (12 minutes long). He is not LDS. Joy is not free. There is a price to pay. The price is being on the path. You have to have a ticket to get on the path. If you do these things you actually affect the chemistry in the brain. He will tell it to you scientifically. I will tell it to you by the gospel. If you will do these 5 things daily for 21 days it will change your brain waves. You can reprogram yourself to be happy. They make all the difference in the world. 1. Joy comes as you learn to live in the present. “In the Music Man…Professor Hill you pile up enough tomorrows and you will find you have collected empty yesterday. There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today. “Horace…whatever hour God has blessed you with take it with grateful hand…in whatever place you have been you may say you have lived happily. Elder Ballard “Daughters of God” April 2008 I will be happy when the kids are in bed. I’ll be happy when…. We postpone when we train ourselves to be happy. We train ourselves to never be happy because we are never ‘there’. Happiness is a destination that we can’t make it to. Living in the moment means we celebrate the now. I remember my daughter had a child get into the flour. The child was covered in flour. She stopped and took pictures of it. That’s celebrating the now. Even when they are doing ornery things they celebrate the now. HOMEWORK: 1. Every night write in a journal write one positive thing that happened in the day. This allows you to relive that positive. As you continue to do that you train your brain to look for the positives. 2. Everyday record 3 gratitudes. Presidents Eyrings Talk “Remember Remember”. The power comes in writing them. As you write them you imprint them in your mind and soul. Something positive in the now experience 3. Get involved in Service every day. Random acts of service. Elder Bednar will sit in sacrament meeting and will look out over the ward and pray that the spirit will help her know someone that needs her this week. You do the do. Don’t be afraid to do the do. They can be big things. They can be little things. Everyone needs to be loved. Sometimes those you think are most loved are the loneliest because everyone thinks they are so loved that no one expresses love for them. Don’t ever assume that someone looks so self sufficient that they don’t need it. Don’t diminish your acts of service. Don’t demean yourselves. The Lord can’t give you the joy in the service if you are demeaning it. I want you to know ways the Lord uses you. You become his angels of mercy when you kiss the child’s skinned knee. You become his hands when you take his children one by one. When you sing away a nightmare. When you bear your testimony verbally. When you pray for your children and your friends by name and ask for heavens protection. When you listen to someone recount their burdens. You can carry them with them for a moment. You become the servant of the Lord by doing that. You just hold someone and help them feel loved. When you kneel in gratitude for your blessings. When you give thanks for knowing you are his daughter and he loves you. Service can be to anyone, but it is given with a joyful heart. It’s not given as a duty or an assignment. It’s given with joy. When it is you receive joy. Class member: I always keep telling myself that it’s not my season right now to do the service. I have too many little kids. Sitting here just the little things. It was giving me that excuse. When you go to the Lord with a willing heart the Lord will show you something you can do to serve. Class member: My parents left yesterday for a couple weeks. I never appreciated what they did to help me. Yesterday I had to take both my kids to the doctor. This lady helped me hold the baby while I went and got my daughter. I realized that I need to be more appreciative of my parents. 4. Exercise. It doesn’t have to be go to the gym for an hour. Take a 20 minute walk. Do something physical. That process gets the endorphins running. It makes you feel good. It makes you more successful in everything you do. Your energy goes up. You are a better mother. Your mind works better. Your mind clears. As much as I dislike exercise it needs to be a daily part of being happy. It doesn’t need to be something. Class member: I’ve been working on that this school year. I have a 14 year old that has started asking questions about how you feel. He said how have you been feeling. Has your exercise thing been working for you. I feel like you are a lot less grumpy. I have really noticed that. That’s kind of funny. The fact that he noticed is huge. Class member: Here is a question for anyone to answer? Exercise at night? Class member: It’s not a good thing because your brain will be going and going….you will be awake. You will feel better because you are exercising. It’s best to do it in the morning. Class member: I agree with that it’s better in the morning, but any exercise is good. I always do it with someone too is because it helps with companionship. I can talk it out without those angry feelings. My husband has been the same way. He says you want to go running. Class member: I read about this in a running magazine. While it depends on who you are. I can exercise and be down for the night. Those who exercise in the morning have more of a fulfilling day than those who exercise at night. But exercise when you can. 5. Read your scriptures and say your prayers. Invite the Lord into your everyday. Heavenly Father wants us to be happy, but just like everything it’s not just a to do list to Heavenly Father to make us happy. He will tell us what to do to make ourselves happy. He made this body. Some of us take care of it better than others. He knows what it is that creates joy. He is saying I will help you through and give you strength to do everything if you turn to me and ask me. I will lead you and guide you. I will go before your face. I will send angels to buoy you up (D&C 88). It’s not a free gift. We have to do these things to earn the gift. I challenge you to do it for 21 days…starting today. I know the Lord has given us the answers. I know when we are miserable. I don’t think we are supposed to be laughing through the hard times, but even with the hardest times he will walk us through it. We can see his hand in it and see his face and now there is an end to Carthage. There is a way over Rocky Ridge. That knowledge can bring us joy. Elder Russell M Ballard “Women of Righteousness” April 2002 “Every sister who stands for truth and righteousness diminishes the influence of evil. Every sister who strengthens and protects her family is doing the work of God. Every sister who lives as a woman of God becomes a beacon for others to follow and plants seeds of righteous influence that will be harvested for decades to come. Every sister who makes and keeps sacred covenants becomes an instrument in the hands of God.” Celebrate it. It describes you. This topic will solve all your problems, if you can master this. Work is probably one of my biggest soap boxes. We were taught to work hard. There was a young man who recently came home from his mission. I was a little bit shocked he was home. He was called to the Philippines and went to the MTC and went there and was gone for 1 week. He called his parents and said I want to come home. They gave him a pep talk and he said no I don’t want to do this I want to come home. Then the parents emotion changed…buck up and get to work. They finally just said, “I think you want us to tell you it is ok for you to come home. We will never say that. This is your choice.” He said I want to come home and he came home. This young man ever had to do anything hard. He grew up on a $400,000 home. Those things spill over onto our children. Another young man went to BYU. He gets called to California…the wealthiest mission in the church. They haven’t had a baptism there in 8 years. This area doesn’t think they need the church. It’s very difficult for missionaries. He gets out there and his trainer sleeps in until 8:30 and then blares some popular pop artist in the morning and doesn’t do anything. They park at members homes. He ended up coming home. “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit” Aristotle What are you ‘excellent’ in? What are your kids excellent in? Is it Pinterest? Is it football? Is it games? Is it scouting? Is it homework? Is it service? What are we excellent in? Is it checking our phone? Is it TV watching? I have a daughter that leaves in 19 days to go to the MTC and then to Paris. Since they changed the age…young men leave right out of high school. Can they go to the grocery store and buy food for a meal? Can they schedule their time? Can they do their own laundry? Can they sew on a button? My husband grew up on a single home where he had to work and then gave the money to his Mom. My daughter works 4 jobs here and there wherever she can get. She feels like her Dad still disapproves. “Mallory…somehow we will be able to pay for your mission. When you go on a mission you will be working 16 hour days every single day.” We think about work and the money that is attached to work. We go to school, come home, and then what do we do? The principle behind work. Work is an eternal principle. It was one of the first that was given to Adam and Eve. The Lord worked to create the earth. Genesis 2:15…created earth and man. Then rested on the 7th day. God worked. He didn’t just watch. Before they even do anything wrong. He gives them this principle of work. ‘Take care of the garden.’ Work is something we do. It is not a punishment. Life is hard. We are here to work. After they partook of the fruit. Genesis 3:17-19….ate of the tree, cursed is the ground for thy sake. It was cursed for our good so we can learn to help us develop self discipline. We are supposed to work ‘all the days of our lives’. There’s missionary work or other things to be doing. The best things in life usually are the hardest to get. Exaltation. How hard is it say our prayers and read our scriptures every day. Why is something that simple so hard for the rest of us….it’s disciplining yourself. “Work brings happiness…It is the means of all accomplishment; it is the opposite of idleness. We are commanded to work. Attempts to obtain our temporal, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being by means of a dole violate the divine mandate that we should work for what we receive. Work should be the ruling principle in the lives of our Church membership.” The things that are worth the most we should be praying. If we want the Lords help we have to put effort in to it. Class member: The bible dictionary says, “Prayer is a form of work.” Do we all want our children to work hard? Are we afraid of doing hard work ourselves? Are they going to learn anything? Parents need to work hard with their children. Class member: I have children from 16-8 months…6 of them. You have great conversation with your kids, but it’s hard to keep them going. The answer to that is you get nothing done. Teach your children to be the maid. Hopefully you have trained your older children to not need your side by side help. Class member: My family was raised pretty militant. Work is in our bones. Early morning seminary in high school 5:#0am. Our room had to be spotless before we left. This one morning I was running late and didn’t make my bed. I am so sorry, but Annie forgot her manners and didn’t make her bed. He took me out of my Algebra class. He brought me back. I knew as soon as he walked in why he was there. My Mom did that to my sister too. On the same side of that she felt like there was a huge embarrassment factor. You have to be careful not to embarrass them. If you start this when they are little they will just know. We have to teach our kids to work ‘past comfort’. What is comfort? You have to work 16 hours a day on a mission. What is comfortable for me? I don’t want to work as much as I have to as a Mom. We worked hard at home, but we worked on the subdivision in 7th grade. Before that every Saturday at 7am we did landscaping for the different subdivisions….weeding and taking care of the berms. One of the best things about my Dad is that he is an optimist. That is important for teaching work. If you say… “Yes you are going to stay there and finish the job.” Does that empower a child? “They think if this is enduring to the end right now let’s just end this right now.” When children are young, it is better to work with them as they learn how to do “hard things”. My son, Cory, has a little boy named Jake, whom he is trying to teach how to work. Jake was 3 ½ years old. Cory was digging out the grass so he could pour a boarder of concrete around one of his flower beds. It would have been faster for Cory to just put the sod in a wheelbarrow as he went along, but it wasn’t about fast, it was about teaching. He had Jake pick up the pieces and take them to the wheelbarrow which was across the yard. Jake worked happily for a little while and then he began to get tired and wanted to go in and get a drink and be done. Cory began to encourage him, telling him to notice how many pieces were already in the wheelbarrow and what a nice job he was doing of picking up all the pieces. Cory told him it was hard work and he was proud of Jake for working hard. He let Jake know that he was building strong muscles. Through working with him and encouraging him along the way, Jake was able to stick to the job until it was done. This was a hard thing for him. When they were finished, Cory took a picture of Jake showing off his muscles that he had made so much bigger through his hard work. We have to teach our children to work past comfort. They need to work when they do not want to. They need to work when they are hot and sweaty or cold and numb. Character is not built when it is comfortable; it comes from doing difficult things well. He positively talks him through this process, but at the end he did it. Jake thinks he can do hard things and that he can do it well. That’s what builds these feelings of self gratification and ‘Wow! I did a good job.’ When they are young it’s really important that we take the time. Class member: That rings really true to me. As an adult I really enjoyed weeding the garden and laundry because I thought I was the best weeder and best folder. Because my Mom encouraged me and told me I did a great job. I hate to cook and my kids hate to cook too. I think it’s important that our kids see that we don’t like to do, but we have to do it anyway. “This is not my favorite job, but we can crank up some music and get it done.” When your kids are really little it’s important to train them to do the job. If you say, “Clean your room.” It’s completely different between my idea and my husbands idea. Let it be ‘age appropriate’, but don’t go back on what’s required. Do job charts. Switch them up regularly. Go to pinterest. Hang things up. Inside kitchen cupboard…have a list of daily or ‘deep’ clean. When you do that the list becomes the bad guy. What does the list say? You did that really well. What does the list say. Look at the positive first. Try and find something they did well and start with that. Dishes/Kitchen…unload dishwasher, clear table, load dishwasher, sweep floor, empty garbage, put stuff away that doesn’t belong, wash off counters and table, push in chairs, do all of this with a happy attitude or you get to practice again tomorrow night. “The choice to be happy” is our family motto. Don’t go back on your expectation. My daughter had dishes last night. She comes home from school and disappears in her room (she’s 12). My 9 year old wakes up and says can I clean the fridge today, can I organize the pantry, I really want to clean the garage. I have to fold all the laundry and the upstairs bathroom because we are having company this weekend. Where is the challenge? How does my 9 year old work past comfort if she loves it. That is still required. I have to push her to do the jobs she doesn’t like. For chores…it’s whatever works for your family. The older your children get the less time they have to work. That is a reality. They have more homework. School is longer. Football/sports are longer. I did not love getting up at 5am in the summer to work on the subdivision. We were dropped off and said we will be back to check on you. You can make work fun. We all have these really great memories of work. Class member: My parents were really hard workers. How much is that example passed on? A lot. Class member: Not everyone has that cool thing your dad does. What about instruments? Sports? Are you talking specifically house work? How do you teach kids to work when you have really close neighbors. I do think that instruments and football teach great things. Those are things you want to do. How easy is it to work hard on something you want to do. Class member: I have a child that has some issues. Saturday mornings become horrible. There was crying, whining. I will clean when they are out of the house. She is in counseling. The counselor came up with an idea…I go and warn her that she has a half and hour..go on a walk, read a book, to get them ready to clean. Find something that they love to do and then tell them you have 5 minutes then we are getting ready to work. Some of the kids need that prep time. Little kids…they love to work. Usually we would just as soon do it ourselves. They make more of a mess than what they help. Get plastic dishes. Put water in a squirt bottle and let them clean the windows, fridge front. You can use vinegar and water I won’t hurt them, but it will disinfect. What kind of jobs? Our preschool is our kindergarten. We are missing valuable work time. Kids can do silverware. They can match the silverware. I would mess up my closet of shoes and have them go match it. The kids did baseboard every day. We moved out into our big house when I was 9. We did all the construction clean up. It had a basement and 2 levels. When we moved in we had an unfinished basement. One day my Dad says we are going to haul this away (a huge pile of wood)He said today I want you to throw this wood from this room to that room. We had to put the whole pile of wood into the other room. Now we are going to get a trailer and haul this. Now I need you to carefully throw this wood out the window and make the pile out there. We spent all day throwing the wood out. I think we had one broken window. After 2 days he said, we can’t get the trailer. There was no landscaping and it was going to rain so he had the wood muddy. He had them move it back into the house. We moved it 6x. Did the wood need to be moved? No. I finally told him when the trailer was there I would move it. Have them pull the cushions off the couch. Pull the pans out and wipe out cupboards out every day. (3 yrs old) What is comfort to a little kid? I tried to keep them working until noon. They did reading, exercise, deodorant was always on my list (4-5yrs old), scriptures, workbook. I could keep them busy all morning. These are practices. We have lunch. They have quiet time…1 hour…color, nap, look at books, not talk to Mom, no TV. I used TV as I have to make dinner do you want to watch a show. Let them help you if you are doing something. Age 5-11…they are internalizing routines. They are going to say I have to do my chores first then I’ll ask my Mom. There jobs are getting bigger. Instead of doing the vacuuming on the couch…Once our kids start to read you can make the check list. Take them into a bathroom right after you have cleaned it. Then talk about it. Look at the bathroom. Does it feel like the floor has been done. Feel the tub. Talk about all the things you have done. Let them see your finished job. They don’t see what the finished product looks like. Then you call them back and say this isn’t good enough. Show them a finished product. Here you make the list. You have to find things for your kids to do. I remember having 3 jobs after school. That’s 27 jobs she has to come up with. What do you do? How do you find all those jobs? I was waiting for her to say I’m just waiting for you to come home from school. I changed all the diapers when I came home from school. I thought…if I’m changing diapers and cooking and doing dishes…she was doing it the whole time they were gone. You learn to love those you serve. Have them cooperate and do their jobs together. They need to work with Mom & Dad. Class member: I started having my children do their own laundry. Saturday night at midnight he realized he didn’t have his laundry done. He wanted to do it on Sunday. But it was getting him to think ahead. Have an outside job and an inside job. There is a note that says pick 3 jobs, write them down and I’ll be down to check. Class member: Sometimes it’s always wanting to step in, but we need to allow them to fall and then learn to get up. We as parents often try to rescue our kids. Are we including ‘spiritual’ work on those lists. Allowances: I never got an allowance growing up. I think it’s important to have pay jobs for kids to earn money. That list needs to be on your fridge with how much they can earn. Part of work is having money and learning how to budget and do your finances. We worked really hard. I was given my tithing and the rest was put in an investment account. I wanted to go to a volleyball camp so my parents paid for it. We never had money. All of my siblings are terrible financers. Be given responsibilities of what to pay for. With money comes responsibilities. I cannot stand kids who get an allowance for making their bed, cleaning their room, and taking out the garbage once a week. Once a week you better be doing a service. I see this old man mowing his lawn. I stopped and introduced myself. I didn’t know him. I would really love it if you would let my 15 year old mow your lawn this summer. If you provide your lawn mower and gas would it be ok if he came and did that for you. If he is going to work and earn money he needs to practice what the job would be before he can get paid for it. You need to be doing that. Class member: What do you do when you just cannot get a kid to work? My brother is a white personality. He doesn’t care. That’s fine. “You can’t go out with your friends” “Ok”. She told him to clean his room over and over. She said if you don’t have your room clean by this time I will have to pay someone to do it. He had to pay the youngest sister to clean his room. Everything except Sunday things goes in black plastic bags and gave them to Mom. Mom said they are in a bag. He had a date and he said can I look through the bag …there were 3 of them. He paid her $20 for the bag. The shirt I want is in here, but the pants aren’t. So he paid $20 for the other bag. If you don’t buy the 3rd bag back by a certain date I will take it to DI. Then she did it. Whites you can pair up with others. They don’t want to do it. They will chat and be a cheerleader. Be careful, but they will work better if you do it with them. You need to help them do that. They need to know that they can do hard things. They can. Over Christmas I am going to have my boys redo the trim and repaint their rooms. That son will say “it doesn’t need to be done.” Say, “Nevertheless, if you work from 8-5pm you can go out with your friends tonight.” Scouts: We follow Satan’s plan in my house until they are 18. Once you get home from your mission you have full agency. I have a hard time with parents that say, “You can choose…to not do scouts.” The scout program hasn’t been working. I need you to help these 4 seniors that are getting ready to become an eagle. Ask to be on a committee. I have to have some pull in there to get things done. This is something that will help the boys that is not comfortable. Scouting is the epitome of work. If they are starting to play an oboe, you have to do a 2 year commitment up front. Scouting & Young Women’s medallions teaches goals, finishing. Class member: My husbands parents didn’t encourage strongly to get his eagle. He can now see that he missed out. The other thing we do is that you can’t ‘force’ them to do it, but you can’t ‘drive until you have your eagle’ or ‘you can’t be in the musical until you have your eagle’. We have a tendency to want them to be eagle scouts and expect the leaders to help them get there. You should be doing the Personal Progress with your daughter. You should do it again. The goals that you set at 12 are very different from when youa re 17. Class member: I just finished up my 3rd 4-5 yr run in Young Women’s. Personal Progress has to almost always be at home. The only way we had girls advance was if their parents were doing it at home. In our home we do it Sunday after church. She had no support at home. Scouting is not a saving ordinance. I’m ok if he doesn’t want to do it. A mission also isn’t a saving ordinance, but they need to finish something. Class member: I didn’t like personal progress it was doing a craft or sewing. They were projects of what you did. Mothers be involved with scouts and Dads be involved with Personal Progress. We worked hard and then played hard together. We went backpacking. It was mental strength. Missionaries go without a phone and yet now they have I have a 17 year old with a cell phone, but he pays for it. I had someone come to me and give us a phone and pay for it for a year. We give him this phone we don’t tell him it’s paid for and he had to pay for it. The phone is ending in January and now he is going to find out that the phone is not $10 a month. You can have a ‘no phone’. My 16 yr old has a ‘no phone’. My 15 yr old can’t even have that. You can have a phone, but you have to pay for it. “Helping Without Hovering” Practices:
We need to be doing big projects in our family. Our homes are our stewardships. I had my son change our faucet in our bathroom. Do we let our kids problem solve. Class member: My husband is a school administrator. He has several foreign exchange students. They comment about the culture of laziness and lack of work effort. Kids complain about the homework they have. Not only that if you look at where Idaho falls academically…it’s bad. Class member: I have a daughter from Ghana. WE adopted her when she was 9. This girl knew how to cook a full meal, clean up and take care of the younger kids. My kids have so much it’s hard to find things for them to do. Hobbies: That time should not be idle time. We should not just let our kids do nothing. We do that a lot. How much TV do they do? How much surfing the internet do they do? We need to teach them constructive hobbies. Class member: So much of that has to come from stepping outside the box. Activity days exposes them to a variety of things. If you have a calling…take your kids and have them set up your chairs and then I want you back here to clean up at 9pm. What are we teaching our children. These are our responsibilities. We were there anyway. Grab a broom. Get the trash. Class member: When we sustain someone we are agreeing to help in any capacity. If you have a 1-2-3yr old we don’t want your help. If you are going to help and let your children run wild…we don’t want your help. It’s putting off something we want until later. Other things are important here besides me and what I want. Don’t pay for it now. TV says you deserve it. You should have it. You need it. Right now! It is effective. We as parents fall into that trap and think we are not very good. We are peculiar for a reason. Don’t feel like you are bad. My Mom took so much flack from her Mother even for making her kids work so hard. She was very alone in all her efforts. I heard things like that in church. One of the greatest things I learned from my Mom was to ‘not care about what others thought’. Her focus was on her kids. She stayed focused even in spite of those things around us. She stayed with that. I watched a lot of my friends not go on missions, get into some serious trouble. Class member: How did she answer people? She didn’t feel like she owed them. “I’m doing what I feel is best for my family.” Class member: We both grew up on farms. My husband worked from the time he was 5 years old. We have gotten a lot of snarky remarks about city kids not knowing how to work. My daughter in her mission packet had a whole list of manners. Our youth get their food and sit down and start eating. They show up late. Why does the church have to print out a list of manners? Parents aren’t requiring it. We let things slide because they are saying things to us, but Class member: How did you feel growing up in your family that was peculiar My personality is a lot like my Mom’s. I clumped on to ‘this is what’s right I don’t care what others think’. It was hard. We don’t go trick-or-treating for mutual. We don’t do sleepovers. There was always something else provided. It wasn’t just no, there was something else. Class member: You are teaching them what they are doing. We aren’t just trying to be mean. They believe in what they are saying. As my kids are watching these missionaries they are starting to realize why we are doing what we are doing. It’s harder for my kids than it was for me. Mom do you know how embarrassing it is to be the only one to not have a cell phone? My response is..”To me you’re the smartest kid out there because you can borrow 30 at one time. Then I say, you can have a phone if you can figure out how to pay for it.” It becomes their choice. They think…I have a mission to pay for. I don’t want to pay for a phone. Our youth are so “can I go right now?” We need to plan. Our youth are impromptu. My kids feel left out of that. They aren’t in the friend loop. They don’t know what’s going on. That is hard for them. What are they doing for their time. Have we taught them some hobbies they can work on. Are we filing that time with something else? Class member: When you have a void you have to fill it with something else. If you take something there is a void, what are you going to fill it with. Work had to have the balance of work and play. We worked really hard and then we played really hard. You have to go find things to do. We pick up trash along the road. Do it together. Do it with a happy attitude. The father’s role is to provide. It is a blessing to be able to work and provide for your family. We were out of work for 1 ½ yrs. The week of Christmas we did a paper route. They complained, but it is now their favorite Christmas. They had to postpone that great feeling of Christmas. If we want good missionaries we have to create good missionaries. We have to help them suppress some of those natural man tendencies as well as our own. Anything that involves the Celestial Kingdom will take work. |
Carleen Tanner
Notes from classes and other information will be posted here. Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared. You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question. Archives
September 2019
Andrea Hansen
I will be posting my class notes from Thursday Parenting Class within a few days after class.
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