Question:  (from Christy)
I loved the lesson on Women and their importance in these last days. I understand that we have been saved and chosen to come into this time. My question is if we (members of the church) have been saved and are so "special" then who are all the other people in the world. Are they also special spirits for this day and age? to edit.

Answer: (from Sister Tanner) That is a very good question.  I think that the Lord saved many noble and great ones to come forth at this time.  Some of those are not members of the Church.  You look around you and see good people doing good things.  Some are amazing.  We know that when the Lord comes after the earth has been cleansed of the wicked, of the people left, not all of them will be members of the church.

We also know that some of the most wicked are here at this time for the final "show down".  I do not claim to understand the order of heaven, but I do know that God is a God of order.  Things do not happen by chance, there is purpose in why we as individuals are here at this time.  Those who are righteous members of the church are here to help carry off the Lord's work and prepare for the coming of His Son.  There are many good people in the world who will help in that battle.  We live in a great time.

Marriage is next week.  I decided we aren’t going to do any of those this week…the other 3 (self esteem, morality, stress/adversity).  I went to Ontario, OR and did an all day women’s conference and I’m going to share with you what I taught over there. 

Who can tell me the story of Esther in the Old Testament?

Esther was a Jewish girl.  She was an orphan.  Her parents died and her uncle raised her.  The king wanted a new queen so word went out and women were selected and were trained for a year in how to be a queen.  They were adorned with everything.  Esther said she didn’t want that.  She didn’t feel comfortable for that.  They all went one at a time and were presented before the king.  Esther stood out and he married her.  She lived in the palace.  One of the kings head leaders Haman was a proud man and he loved power and authority.  He demanded that everyone bow down to him and Mordecai wouldn’t.  Haman was going to have all the Jews killed.  He told the king this tale about how they were bad.  The king agreed.  All the Jews were to be killed on a certain day.  Mordecai told her about the plan and told her that this was the opportunity to save her people.  There was also a law in the land that you can’t go before the king without an invitation.  The penalty was death.  Esther said if Mordecai would get the Jews together and fast then she and her handmaids would fast.  “If I perish I perish.”  She fasted for 3 days and dressed and went before the king.  He held out his hand to her which meant she could come.  She invited the king and Haman to a feast.  They came to her feast.  It was great.  As the feast is coming to a close, Esther tells the king she is a Jew and about the plan.  The king is angry.  Haman is killed and Mordecai receives great respect in the kingdom. 

Her purpose was that she was saved for this day for a certain purpose.

Think of all the gays, divorce, premarital sex, living together, abortions, think about now…evil threatens to engulf our world. 

You were held to come forth at this time because of who you were.  You came because you proved yourself

The general authorities have said this is as bad or worse than the days of Noah or Soddom and Gommorah.  Ours it to prepare to meet God. 

Then the question is if that is who you really are, “How come when you went into the mirror this morning you didn’t say, Wow! I’m so awesome.  I was saved for today.”  You don’t feel like that fits you.  This is you.  Stop buying into Satan’s advertisement.  That isn’t you. 

Story:  “Give Me Your Pearls”

He was waiting for her to give up the dime store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.

Heavenly Father wants you to give up the dime store image you have of yourself so he can give you the real image of who you are.  Not who you can become.  Not who you might be.  Not if you pray 7 more times a week or 20 minutes longer.  It’s what you are right now.  You have the gifts.  You have been saved to come now because of who you already are.  It’s Satan who doesn’t want you to believe in who you really are.  Why is it that we look at everyone else and say they are better than me.  We have to stop comparing.

The reason is because women feel the same, think the same, hurt the same, are lonely the same.  We have different experiences, but what is inside of us is the same.  It doesn’t matter what we look like.  The inside of women is the same because we came given the same gifts and responsibilities and we are all living in a wicked world.  We tend to build walls around ourselves because we are the only one.  We want to appear to have no cracks and no flaws. 

We shut each other out.  Part of that is because of last weeks lesson on communication.  Often it’s because it shuts doors and we are afraid of how they will be received.  People need to feel safe to talk with you.

If there is no one that can relate in this room when we are done I need to talk to you.

Story:  “Torture of Buying a Bathing Suit”

I love that story because it’s the only story that unites women.  You can relate to this story.  Some of us more than others can relate.  There is a commonality between women.  The Lord intended for us to live in a very wicked world.  The interesting thing is that he intended for us to be joyful.  If we are going to be in a wicked place how are we going to find joy.  Is the Lord giving us 2 opposites that are impossible to attain?  No. 

Which road map are we following.  If we are miserable like unto Satan whose road map are we following?  If you are joyful whose roadmap are you following?  By their fruits you shall know them.  That’s the roadmap you are following. 

Satan’s road map with you (it’s different with children and husband) is to keep you focused on the great and spacious building.  When you look to the world to tell you what happiness, success, and joy are then you are focused on the great and spacious building.  When you look to the Lord then you are holding onto the rod.  For women we need to find out whose road map we are following seeking to get to a good eternal end.

Are we being led away a bit in the fog and mist?

Scientifically he will tell you that this is true.  It’s in Ted Talks on Youtube “Shawn Achor” “The Happiness Advantage” (12 minutes long).  He is not LDS.

Joy is not free.  There is a price to pay.  The price is being on the path.  You have to have  a ticket to get on the path.  If you do these things you actually affect the chemistry in the brain.  He will tell it to you scientifically.  I will tell it to you by the gospel. 

If you will do these 5 things daily for 21 days it will change your brain waves.  You can reprogram yourself to be happy.  They make all the difference in the world.

1.  Joy comes as you learn to live in the present. 

“In the Music Man…Professor Hill you pile up enough tomorrows and you will find you have collected empty yesterday.  There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today.  “Horace…whatever hour God has blessed you with take it with grateful hand…in whatever place you have been you may say you have lived happily.

I will be happy when the kids are in bed.  I’ll be happy when….  We postpone when we train ourselves to be happy.  We train ourselves to never be happy because we are never ‘there’.  Happiness is a destination that we can’t make it to. 

Living in the moment means we celebrate the now. 

I remember my daughter had a child get into the flour.  The child was covered in flour.  She stopped and took pictures of it.  That’s celebrating the now.  Even when they are doing ornery things they celebrate the now.

HOMEWORK: 

1.  Every night write in a journal write one positive thing that happened in the day.  This allows you to relive that positive.  As you continue to do that you train your brain to look for the positives. 

2.  Everyday record 3 gratitudes.   Presidents Eyrings Talk  “Remember Remember”.  The power comes in writing them.  As you write them you imprint them in your mind and soul. Something positive in the now experience

3.  Get involved in Service every day.  Random acts of service.  Elder Bednar will sit in sacrament meeting and will look out over the ward and pray that the spirit will help her know someone that needs her this week. You do the do.  Don’t be afraid to do the do.  They can be big things.  They can be little things.  Everyone needs to be loved.  Sometimes those you think are most loved are the loneliest because everyone thinks they are so loved that no one expresses love for them.  Don’t ever assume that someone looks so self sufficient that they don’t need it.  Don’t diminish your acts of service.  Don’t demean yourselves.  The Lord can’t give you the joy in the service if you are demeaning it.  I want you to know ways the Lord uses you.  You become his angels of mercy when you kiss the child’s skinned knee.  You become his hands when you take his children one by one.  When you sing away a nightmare.  When you bear your testimony verbally.  When you pray for your children and your friends by name and ask for heavens protection.  When you listen to someone recount their burdens.  You can carry them with them for a moment.  You become the servant of the Lord by doing that.  You just hold someone and help them feel loved.  When you kneel in gratitude for your blessings.  When you give thanks for knowing you are his daughter and he loves you.  Service can be to anyone, but it is given with a joyful heart.  It’s not given as a duty or an assignment.  It’s given with joy.  When it is you receive joy.

Class member:  I always keep telling myself that it’s not my season right now to do the service.  I have too many little kids.  Sitting here just the little things.  It was giving me that excuse.

When you go to the Lord with a willing heart the Lord will show you something you can do to serve.

Class member:  My parents left yesterday for a couple weeks.  I never appreciated what they did to help me.  Yesterday I had to take both my kids to the doctor.  This lady helped me hold the baby while I went and got my daughter.  I realized that I need to be more appreciative of my parents. 

4.  Exercise.  It doesn’t have to be go to the gym for an hour.  Take a 20 minute walk.  Do something physical.  That process gets the endorphins running.  It makes you feel good.  It makes you more successful in everything you do.  Your energy goes up.  You are a better mother.  Your mind works better.  Your mind clears.  As much as I dislike exercise it needs to be a daily part of being happy.  It doesn’t need to be something.

Class member:  I’ve been working on that this school year.  I have a 14 year old that has started asking questions about how you feel.  He said how have you been feeling.  Has your exercise thing been working for you.  I feel like you are a lot less grumpy.  I have really noticed that.  That’s kind of funny.  The fact that he noticed is huge.

Class member:  Here is a question for anyone to answer?  Exercise at night? 

Class member:  It’s not a good thing because your brain will be going and going….you will be awake.  You will feel better because you are exercising.  It’s best to do it in the morning. 

Class member:  I agree with that it’s better in the morning, but any exercise is good.  I always do it with someone too is because it helps with companionship.  I can talk it out without those angry feelings.  My husband has been the same way.  He says you want to go running. 

Class member:  I read about this in a running magazine.  While it depends on who you are.  I can exercise and be down for the night.  Those who exercise in the morning have more of a fulfilling day than those who exercise at night.  But exercise when you can.

5.  Read your scriptures and say your prayers.  Invite the Lord into your everyday. 

Heavenly Father wants us to be happy, but just like everything it’s not just a to do list to Heavenly Father to make us happy.  He will tell us what to do to make ourselves happy.  He made this body.  Some of us take care of it better than others.  He knows what it is that creates joy.  He is saying I will help you through and give you strength to do everything if you turn to me and ask me.  I will lead you and guide you.  I will go before your face.  I will send angels to buoy you up (D&C 88).  It’s not a free gift.  We have to do these things to earn the gift. 

I challenge you to do it for 21 days…starting today. 

I know the Lord has given us the answers.  I know when we are miserable.  I don’t think we are supposed to be laughing through the hard times, but even with the hardest times he will walk us through it.  We can see his hand in it and see his face and now there is an end to Carthage.  There is a way over Rocky Ridge.  That knowledge can bring us joy. 

Celebrate it. It describes you.