If you would like to see other traditions that class members have submitted click here!

You can also submit your own tradition here. 



​The purpose of traditions…Teva sings ‘Traditions’ in Fiddler’s on the Roof…things we do repetitively have great power in our lives.
 
In the Book of Mormon they brought the Brass Plates so they could keep the traditions on the fathers.  How did “traditions of the fathers” relate to the Lamanites?  Look for that phrase in the Book of Mormon.  The Nephites were told it would be worse for them than the Lamanites because they hadn’t been taught.
 
The power of traditions can be positive or negative. 
 
Look at the law of Moses.  What did it contain?  It was the symbolic traditions.  Passover….they set the table for Elijah with an extra plate.  They had lots of customs that they had done over and over.  The purpose was to bring them to the remembrance of the Savior…to bond them to the Savior.
 
We need to have traditions in our home to bond us to our family.  Traditions create cement to these people.  A memory is like a photograph.  You want to be sure that all members of the family are in the photograph.  Be sure that everyone is in the photograph.  That’s what creates the bonding feeling that pulls everyone together. 
 
As you get married we think our family traditions are doctrine and they are not!  They are practices.  Sometimes when you come together and get married both of you feel very intense that your traditions are what your new family will do.  The sad part of it is…sometimes your parents feel like those traditions are so imperative that you should be doing them.  Some of you in the early years you felt pretty guilty and torn.  You felt that there was a right and a wrong.  When you start having children you get this nagging feeling that you want to have your own Christmas in your own space.  Then it becomes a 3 way pull.  Then holidays become NOT FUN!  There’s too much pressure. 
 
Another problem is that some of you are over achievers and every time you hear about something new you want to add it in.  You try to incorporate ALL activities and traditions.  At the end you are just fried.  Because you put all of the energy into the holidays your daily life is boring and you fall into depression.  If I did it out of duty and responsibility and ‘have to’ it would have been heavy. 
 
You have to be able to celebrate everyday life too. Be careful where you go in this next stretch.  We set ourselves up for depression in January.  We aren’t enjoying the moment.  As you go through this next period along with doing what you do for your holidays that you set aside something you are doing in January.  Something you can be excited about and look forward too.  It will help you handle the let down of the holiday season.  Whatever you choose to do…do the things you find joy in.  Those things need to be joyful and bonding. 
 
Pg 31 in Syllabus
L Tom Perry  “Family Traditions”
“The Lord has not been so explicit in providing us religious customs along the order of feasts and festivals to remind us of the blessings we receive from Him today. However, the practice of having traditions to keep us close to the great heritage which is ours to enjoy should be something every family should try to keep alive.
 
Daily we should kneel in family prayer and study the scriptures together. Weekly we should observe the Sabbath day by attending our meetings, especially sacrament meeting, and behave appropriate to the activities that are proper for the Lord’s day. We should also gather our families together in weekly family home evenings. Perhaps it would also be appropriate to have a date with our wives each week, to remind us of the great blessing they are in our lives. Monthly we should fast and pay our tithes and offerings to the Lord. Semiannually, we should make listening to the messages delivered at general conferences a family tradition. We should organize, annually, family reunions to keep alive our great gospel heritage.”
 
Traditions are primarily set by the mother. 
 
Command:  To love the family traditions.
Key:  Mother’s imprint is what makes them successful.
 
This is a blessing and Heavenly Father has endowed women with the gifts to make this happen.  We can do this because we can make it fun.  Husbands and children should have input, but Mom’s really make it happen.  Don’t look at that as a burden.  See it as a blessing and gift. 
 
Traditions are in place to meet special needs.  Syllabus pg 32
 
4 Basic Human Needs….

1. Need to belong
2. Strong sense of identity to know who they are
3. Accepted by others
4. Emotional & physical security

 
Class member:  What are your feelings on inviting friends on family traditions?
 
The issue is are the members of your family bonding more to friends than the family.  Sometimes you can have friends and they just blend it and the family is still bonding.  If you find that one member of the family are off with their friend doing their thing you might want to check it. 
 
Class member:  I was not a member growing up.  My friends tradition was to quilt a quilt on General Conference.  I got to quilt a quilt that year. 
 
They pulled her into the family not pull the child out of the family.
 
Family traditions can be developed by intent or by accident. 
 
Example:  When my children were little we didn’t make a lot of money.  We had a tight budget.  I had these children that I wanted them to have a nice Christmas.  When it came time to wrap presents and put them under the tree I couldn’t bring myself to buy boxes.  Throughout the year I would save cereal boxes. We had the Christmas pajamas and all of them were wrapped in cereal boxes.  One year one of the kids said I can’t wait to see which cereal box I get!  It became a tradition. 
 
Example:  My sister has 3 daughters they decided they were going to have a family sleepover.  They got all their stuff and slept in the family room.  That became a tradition.  Pajamas, movie, popcorn.
 
Example:  Another sister had all boys.  On the last day of school she bought whipped cream and they had a fight out in their back yard.  It expanded to where everyone wanted to be in it.  They had to go to the park and do it. 
 
Syllabus pg 34
 
DAILY ROUTINES & TRAIDITONS:
 
Ponder question:  What does your house smell like?  What does your house sound like?
 
Smell….Scentsy, home made bread
Sound…I turn on elevator music or Christmas music. 
 
Another thing…do you smile at home?  That is a tradition.  How you look and act are daily traditions.  Family prayer, Scripture, family dinner….all traditions. Do you have couple prayer every night?  Bedtime routine.  What is on the walls in your home?  That is a daily tradition. 
 
Example:  In our house growing up it’s a long hall way I had a ‘hall of fame’.  I counted one time.  I had 54 pictures hung on that way.  They were not all lined up in rows and in matching frames, some were professional and some were snapshots.  One side I had their baby pictures, the other side were things they were doing good.  I wanted them to see themselves as part of the family.  Playing football, with grandparents, backpack trips.  When anyone came to visit us they walked down that hall they always stopped and looked at the pictures.  That gave them a feeling of being important. 
 
I have a picture of the temple and the Savior in every room except the bathrooms.  That was part of our traditions. 
 
As they got their Eagles…that was a non-negotiable tradition.  I made the plaque and put it on the wall.  I didn’t have to hound the other boys.  They just knew and wanted theirs up there too.  Now my Grandson’s pictures are hanging up around it.  The girls as they get their YW Medallions we put the plaques up. 
 
FAMILY TRADITIONS:
Things that are unique to your family.  Some are musical they  play instruments together.  Every family needs to have something they do together in their family….biking, swimming, music, bowling, music…anything.  You need to have something you do together. 
 
Our family went backpacking.  I went to places that are SUPER hard to get to with a backpack on, but I did it so I could be in the picture.
 
Family service projects need to be a tradition in your family.  At least a couple times a year, a big one, or a long time one.  As a family all of them go and work on ‘flipping’ a house together. 
 
Our family worked on the subdivisions together.  They went every day after school.  They poured concrete. 
 
As a family keep a garden, do canning.  Things the kids think are hard, but that you do together. Do hard things, but fun things too.
 
BIRTHDAYS:
I decorate for everything.  I like to have decorations that require minimal to no effort.  You go the drawer and get the table runner and it’s done.  My decorating is very simple, but I always do it. 
 
When someone opens a present….they have to say something nice about the person before they can open it.  It creates less of a self focus atmosphere.
 
Class member:  We gather supplies for the NICU she had to stay in.  Instead of the kids bringing things for her she gathered supplies for the NICU.  We do something for someone else for their birthdays.
 
Class member:  Mom always took work off on our birthdays and she pulled us out of school and we went to lunch and shopping just on my birthday.  It was a day to just celebrate me.
 
Class member:  We do a birthday crown.  The birthday person wears the crown and everyone has to say what they love about that person. 
 
Class member:  On our birthdays Mom would come in and tell us about the day we were born.  Share their birth story.
 
Class member:  I always made dinner whatever they liked and had it that evening. 
 
I would let them choose their breakfast (garbage cereal).  They picked their dinner and an activity we would do as a family.
 
Practice:  I am not a birthday party…invite your friends.  There were some ages when they could have friend parties, but they were mostly family parties. 
 
Class member:  I tie a balloon to my kid’s backpacks. 
 
Some parents take a treat to school and deliver to their room.
 
Our children tend to be very competitive.  This is when they can celebrate each other and still know that their day will come too.
 
Syllabus pg 41---Birthday survey.  Fill out and watch how they change each year.  Take a picture and add to them. 
 
Every year on his birthday he sets a goal.  He keeps a notebook.  Did you do it?  What’s the best thing that happened to you during the year?
 
Send flowers or a card to your mother-in-law on your husband’s birthday to say ‘thank you for his birthday.”
 
You need to develop what you need to do for ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENTS.  Like baptism, graduations, marriage, baby blessings, priesthood ordinations, missions. 
 
For missions—we had a lot of family so the night before they would speak in church we would have a ‘family side’.  We had a slide show of their life and talk about memories.  Whomever had been on a mission the uncles…would give them some advice followed by a Father’s blessing. 
 
Mary Poppins bag…it’s a travel bag when taking kids on trip.  It is full of Dollar Store treasures and lollipops.  About Mountain Home they start saying ‘are we there yet?”  You list the increments and at each one of those spots they get to take something out of the bag.  They have to identify the street signs. 
 
Class member:  A dear family that we lived by have shared family traditions.  When their 2nd daughter was on her mission the Mom died on her mission.  Someone found her scriptures on the side of the road.  They threw it on the gurney.  She had all kinds of notes and scriptures and scribbles on it.  Because someone saved it everyone else took her scriptures on their mission.
 
HOLIDAYS:
 
HALLOWEEN
I hate Halloween and love Halloween decorations.  I love fall leaves and love fall colors.  If I don’t like what they are doing I created something I liked.
 
Class member:  My birthday is in October.  Every year the weekend before Halloween we had a big party and eat chili.  We would watch a movie.  We still have chili on Halloween.  I share stories about my Grandma. 
 
Class member:  We bake mummy hotdogs.  That is the only time they get them.
 
Class member:  We serve the neighborhood.  We have nachos and everyone just comes and stays there.
 
Class member:  I made pizza for the neighborhood kids before they filled up on junk. 
 
We lived out alone by ourselves.  We didn’t go trick-or-treating because there was no one out there.  I would give each child $5 and then they went to the Dollar Store and they got to decorate their room.  We would have a contest.  On Halloween I would let them go trick-or-treating around the bedrooms.
 
For Halloween costumes I would have the older children take a younger child and they had to create costumes in our home. 
 
We bobbed for apples in the bathtub.  We would sit on the floor in the middle of the dining room with a candle.  We told stories.  We did the donuts on a string.  Instead of getting treats we would make treats and deliver them to the fire station. Kids would dress in costumes to deliver the treats.
 
THANKSGIVING
 
Class member:  The traditional Thanksgiving dinner with turkey.  We go to relative’s home. 
 
Class member:  At the beginning of November we make a thankful posterboard.  The whole month everyone writes what they are thankful for. 
 
Some people do that on their Thanksgiving day table cloth.
 
Class member:   My Dad taught me the “Mr. Turkey” Song.  My Dad made me learn that and sing it to the neighbors.  On Thanksgiving day my Mom likes to put some origami thing she has folded.  It has an ice breaker question.  Each person has a different one they have to answer it first. 
 
Class member:  We started a thanksgiving gift bag.  We write things we are thankful for and pull them out and read them.
 
Class member:  We are going to fill our bucket with things we are thankful for and to show we are thankful for. 
 
Class member:  My family sits down before dinner and we have a mustard seed on our plate to symbolize faith.  We tell pioneer stories and family stories.  This made us appreciate our ancestors. 
 
For me Thanksgiving is the beginning of the Christmas holiday.  Christmas should start with gratitude.  We would make a chain counting down until Christmas we would discuss what we were thankful for.  We would do the white Christmas stocking and think of something we would like to give the Savior.  We would put it on a piece of paper and put it in the stocking.  Take it out on Christmas Eve and evaluate how well they did.  Keep a gratitude journal. 
 
Thanksgiving is “Giving Thanks”.  If I am thankful for my scriptures I will read them every day.  I am thankful for my home (so what will I DO) I will keep my bedroom clean.  It’s to say If I am truly thankful what will I do because I’m thankful.
 
On Thanksgiving night Mr. Peeps comes.  (Elf on the Shelf).  Pg 39 in syllabus-poem
 
I believe in the magic of Christmas and Santa Claus.  I believe about making it as magical and enchanting as I can.  What about when they figure it out?  I didn’t lie.  The Spirit of Christmas is magical.  I believe in that magic.  What do you do when they reach that age?  I posted to my Facebook page about what to do.  I would pull my children aside and tell them that I do believe in Santa and when you reach a certain age you get to be part of creating that and get to become that.
 
One year I gave the older ones money and they had to fill their stockings.  See what they would like and what they would want.  They had to watch the others and help each other.  That morning as they came down to see what Santa brought they went straight to the chair of the child that they bought.  They were so involved that they didn’t even go see their own stocking until later. 
 
Another tradition we had our children could play with everything they had on Christmas Day.  After Christmas day they can’t play with anything they haven’t sent a thank you card for.  No Santa Claus stuff until their thank you cards were done.  They learned to be grateful.
 
Making family calendars.  Send them a family calendar for Christmas 
 
VALENTINE’S DAY
My kids would draw names for each other.  I gave them posterboard.  They created a poster for the names they had.  I have 4 girls, 5 boys, and 1 girl on the end.  As these boys did the Valentine for her she realized that her big brothers loved her.  When they went to college they would send their valentine home to their family.  It becomes a ‘focus out’, but bond family together.
 
I testify to you that the Lord has traditions.  He has things that he does in the church that we do repetitively and bind and keep us focused on what is important.
 
HOMEWORK: 

1. Look at your family traditions.  Are they busy work or do they have a bonding tradition on your family? Evaluate and simplify the holidays.  Pull your children into what’s happening?
2. What can you do to make Thanksgiving more reflective of attitude and Christmas more reflective of Christ?
3. Ask someone you admire how they celebrate a holiday to get new ideas.
4. Think of 2 questions to take to Conference.  Make it a positive experience for your family.

 
As the mother you are the heart.  You make it happen.  It centers around the love you have and can create eternal bonding.
 
 
 
 

​What are you doing to prepare for Conference?
 
Class member:  After last Conference when the prophet asked us to read the Book of Mormon last time we set up a family website to read together as a family.  We decided we were going to take a couple of week and prepare for General Conference.  There are links online.  I’m going to make a Conference book and crayons.  My husband took my daughter on a date so I could watch Women’s Conference.
 
Class member:  I went through my Conference box of activities and updated my activities.  I’m working on a booklet and with my 9 year old it will be more writing things for him.  Both of my boys are in soccer right now.  2 of the games are Saturday morning.  We decided now before there is too much going on that sports will not interfere with Conference.  The boys were ok with it.  It was a big deal while I was growing up and it’s ‘normal’ for us.  If I start it now it won’t be a battle when they are bigger. 
 
Mom has to prepare before 10am Saturday morning. 
 
Class member:  Now all I have to say to my kids is that Conference is coming they get so excited for it.  They get to pick treats and toys and they are all ready picking them out. 
 
Class member:  We had a FHE to prepare for Conference.  The kids didn’t  remember any traditions that we have done.  My daughter was invited to a birthday party during Saturday.  So she is really mad about not getting to go.
 
Class member:  Last year I overcame some of those activities.  I made a point system…wearing church clothes, stand to sing the hymn, summarize a talk.  They earned points.  They earned a trip to Wahooz trip.  They got 10 points for being reverent.  I had to do something big hoping it would work to get over the hurdle.  Even the husband had to earn the points to get to go too. 
 
Class member:  Every year I get excited and get 3 bags and personalize them for each child.  My daughter is doing Personal Progress so she has some sheets for that.  It has highlighters and water bottles. 
 
Principle---watch Conference
Practice---how you get to do it
 
Class member:  I don’t want them to think that Conference is to get presents every year. 
 
Class member:  I would TiVO it or get the CDs.  On Sunday’s we would watch one of Conference talks each Sunday.  We practiced watching one of them each Sunday so they got used to them. 
 
Help the mad child be in charge of planning something  The more the child invests in something the more important it is.  Because she ‘lost’ something she needs to have something to fill the void.  Find something that she can help with.  You could make suggestions or let her come up with her own.
 
Class member:  My kids have an art table.  Their reward for Conference is that I clean up the table. 
 
Class member:  My son said I love Conference because we go to Grandma’s house between sessions to have biscuits and gravy. 
 
Children need to LOVE Conference!  We have to create experiences that help them learn to love them and then it transfers into loving the prophets. 
 
30 minutes (story)—Creating a House of Order in Syllabus
 
Be selective and do a few of the plans. 
 
Take 3 questions to Conference with you this time.
 
Elder Ballard “Return & Receive” April 2017
“Over the years, I have observed that those (parents) who accomplish the most in this world are those with a vision for their lives, with goals to keep them focused on their vision and tactical plans for how to achieve them. Knowing where you are going and how you expect to get there can bring meaning, purpose, and accomplishment to life. Some have difficulty differentiating between a goal and a plan until they learn that a goal is a destination or an end, while a plan is the route by which you get there.  Some have difficulty differentiating between a goal and a plan until they learn that a goal is a destination or an end, while a plan is the route by which you get there.”
 
The goal is eternal life.  The mission statement is how you get there. 
 
“Experts on goal setting tell us that the simpler and more straightforward a goal is, the more power it will have. When we can reduce a goal to one clear image or one or two powerful and symbolic words, that goal can then become part of us and guide virtually everything we think and do.”  (Family Motto)
 
 
 

Julie Beck “And Upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit”  April 2010
The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. Qualifying for the Lord’s Spirit begins with a desire for that Spirit and implies a certain degree of worthiness. Keeping the commandments, repenting, and renewing covenants made at baptism lead to the blessing of always having the Lord’s Spirit with us.2 Making and keeping temple covenants also adds spiritual strength and power to a woman’s life. Many answers to difficult questions are found by reading the scriptures because the scriptures are an aid to revelation.3 Insight found in scripture accumulates over time, so it is important to spend some time in the scriptures every day. Daily prayer is also essential to having the Lord’s Spirit with us.4 Those who earnestly seek help through prayer and scripture study often have a paper and pencil nearby to write questions and record impressions and ideas.
 
Mom’s tend to give their kids a crash course the last 6 months they live at home because they want to make up for everything they haven’t done.  We don’t need to panic.  As we teach them to listen to the Holy Ghost they will have the best teacher we could ever give them. 
 
Spiritual things have to be taught by the spirit.  You invite the Holy Ghost.  The Holy Ghost becomes the teacher of spiritual things.  We need to create those experiences where the Holy Ghost can be the teacher.  We need to help children identify when they recognize the Spirit. Little children when they don’t know the word they throw themselves on the floor in a tantrum.  You have to give them the name of ‘frustrated’ or ‘fearful’.  We also have to teach them to identify the promptings of the Spirit.  If we don’t know it we can’t teach it. 
 
How well do you recognize that Spirit in your own life?
 
We want kids to understand that DAILY we recognize the Spirit.  Look at today or yesterday.  You should have that influence daily after you have been baptized.  I think that you already are, but you become so accustomed to that companionship that we don’t realize and appreciate the blessings of having the Spirit with us.  We aren’t always sensitive to the promptings.  We often think “that was just an idea”.  We don’t identify it at the Holy Ghost.  We are having those promptings. 
 
Class member:  I think there are times that we feel the Spirit strongly, but when someone asks something like “when did you last feel the Spirit?” we only think about the big things. 
 
We teach our children that Joseph Smith had a vision when he prayed.  So they think they should have a vision when they pray.  We teach them they will feel a burning sensation.  They think…I didn’t feel that so I don’t think I felt it.
 
As you look at the way you teach, the words we use can sometimes confuse them.  They think that if the Holy Ghost is my constant companion then I should ‘always’ feel the warm comfortable thinking. 
Class member:  “If it prompts you to do good” then it is the Holy Ghost.  (Moroni?)
 
Class member:  I felt prompted to start a journal to note things that where we recognize the Spirit in our lives.  There were times we listened and times we didn’t listen and what happened.
 
Class member:  If it’s good it’s of God.  I had my father give me a Father’s blessing.  He said, “There are times that you have turned left instead of right and your life has been saved multiple times.”  You just need to listen.  You just do it. 
 
Class member:  I received a calling that is a big one.  We are trying to get out the door and I’m yelling at my kids.  Then I’m supposed to have the Spirit with me.  How do I teach my kids how long it takes to feel the Spirit again? I can’t wait until Sunday for the Sacrament.
 
Look at that sincere righteous good woman.  She is anxiously engaged in being a good Mom.  She wants to understand the gospel and knowing that when she takes the sacrament she will be able to start over.  There is a misunderstanding of the Atonement of the Holy Ghost.  Everything that seem good, but they may not get it.  So we still have to work through to get it.  You can get it back immediately.  As soon as you say, “Heavenly Father I can’t do this alone.”  You can get it back.  He is saying don’t wait.  That’s why we can have it as a constant companion.  As soon as we make a mistake and repent we can have it back.  Repentance is just changing and turning it around. 
 
As you go through this process you are teaching them that they can change and repent and have it back with them instantly.  We want them to recognize when they don’t have it so they change and turn around to get it back.
 
This is a process that you have to teach over and over and over.  Your children all learn differently.  This is the process of becoming sanctified.  We are going to do this all the way through this life.  This is what we do in life.  In teaching your children these spiritual things all of your children learn or hear it differently. 
 
Some of your kids love to be hugged.  Other children if you hug on them they are stiff as a board.  That doesn’t say “I love you.”  They think they just have to endure it.  That child might be loved when you read that note.  Some children want time some want gifts.  If we only give our children love physically the one that doesn’t want to be touched doesn’t feel like you understand them.
 
We need to teach them in a language they can process.  The Holy Ghost will speak to each person in their own language. 
 
Class member:  Even before the age of 8 we need to teach our children that they can feel the Spirit.  You can have the Holy Ghost with you before you are 8.  Once you are 8 you can have him there with you every day. 
 
 How often in our own homes when the Savior is there are we not focused on it?  How often is our vision somewhere else?  We are oblivious to it. 
 
Ponder and think about…figure out yourself how children learn.  You have to teach this over and over in different ways.
 

1. Visual learners—you learn by pictures, sunsets, videos, object lessons, reading
2. Audio learners—you learn by hearing someone telling it to you, CD’s of conference, music, Primary songs, talks
3. Tactile learners—you learn by feeling and touch.  They have to handle, feel, touch things, flashcards, toys, make projects, do things with their hands, create
4. Kinesthetic learners—you learn by moving.  They can’t sit still. Teach while you are playing basketball or riding a bike.

 
You feel like you have already taught it, but you need to teach it over and over so they get it. 
 
You need to validate your little people can have feelings. 
 
Example:  “I hate Suzy.”  You say, “In our family we don’t hate people.”
 
Give teenagers space to ‘feel’ what they are feeling. 
 
Example: “There are monsters in my room.”  You say, “There are no monsters in this room.”
 
They need to know that it is ok to feel feelings.  None of them are right or wrong.  It’s what we do with those feelings that is right or wrong. 
 
Class member:  I tell my 5 year old, “It’s ok to be mad.  But what you can’t do is hurt the dog because you are mad.  You can take some space, but don’t hurt others when we are feeling mad.” 
 
The best thing to say is, “I can see that you are frustrated.  I can see that would be horribly discouraging.”  Don’t ever say, “I can understand exactly how you feel!”  Her feeling would be, “No you don’t!  You weren’t in the game.  You weren’t doing it.” You can say, “I’ve had a similar experience.”
 
Class member:  How do you teach your children it’s ok to feel the Spirit?  My daughter was feeling the Spirit and she said, “I don’t like that feeling. I feel out of control.” 
 
Usually kids that are in control and giving up that power is threatening to them.  There is usually a comic relief in the class.  They just don’t know how to feel comfortable with the Spirit.  Little tiny people are spiritually sensitive.  As they grow older and want power and control.  You have to give up the power to have ‘faith’ and ‘trust’.  Giving up and giving in means you are giving up temporal power and control to the Lord.  That is consecration where we choose to give it back. 
 
Reverence and respect have to be a taught thing.  It doesn’t just come naturally. 
 
In our society, everything that once used to be respected is no longer respected, especially spiritual things.  We need to start when children are very young to teach respect and reverence.
 
HOMEWORK:  Margaret Lifforth May 2009 “Respect and Reverence”
 
Teach our children to be respectful and reverent in FHE, family prayer, scriptures, Primary.
 
Class member:  I have a 7 year old that just doesn’t hold still.  We are trying to teach FHE and he won’t be reverent.  How do I teach him and still use his language?
 
Reverence is taught over time. 
 
The beginning process is to hold them on your lap at night and read to them 1 minute, then 2 minutes, then 3 minutes.  You are helping them be comfortable and feel warm in a quiet environment.  Then practice sitting reverent for more time.  We stop teaching because the older ones are sitting reverent we let the little ones do their own thing. 
 
Example: “Johnny we are going to have FHE.  Find your ‘spot’.” 
 
You have to continue to reinforce they stay in their spot.  They may need to look at a family picture book while they are sitting. 
 
They start learning respect in FHE. 
 
Reverence is not just about being quiet it’s about being in tune with what is going on.  You need to make FHE fun!  You need to spend some time. 
 
There is a period when little people need distractions while they are in sacrament meeting.  We never outgrow that problem and get the distractions away from them.
 
Practice---I think it should be less desirable to be out of sacrament meeting than to be IN sacrament meeting.  We need to train them.  I thought if I am teaching them “Pavlov’s theory” when they walk into the bench they ask for cheerios then there wouldn’t be any more treats.
 
Children are like water.  They will flow to the least resistance.  You hold them accountable. 
 
Class member:  I remember being taught by the Spirit one day the creation came to mind.  Before the Savior created anything there was a ‘space’.  Until we create a space be taking out something negative it is difficult to give them a space to choose righteous things to fill it. 
 
The space we need to create is quiet.  In order for us to learn to feel the Spirit, from time to time we have to create quiet space.
 
We get so busy doing good things that we take ourselves away from the very strength we need.  We have to slow down and take moments to be quiet and to be still.  If you are quiet and let the Spirit in you have the power and the peace to make it work. 
 
Our children are so busy that they don’t stop and we have to help them learn to stop and feel the Spirit.  They have to stop and be quiet.  The Spirit is soft. 
 
Create experiences where the Spirit will be there.   Taking them to the temple. 
 
They need to record the experience so they can never go back and say that I haven’t had that experience.  Teach them if it is a prompting to sit by someone that we do it quickly.  Make it safe for them to talk to you.  How many of you feel comfortable feeling really spiritual experiences in front of your spouse?  These are sacred moments.  We don’t make fun of them. 
 
Part of this teaching process is that you share those experiences in your family.  It needs to be one-on-one or in FHE.  Your children feel scared when they see you cry.  They need to know that you feel ok with crying and that it’s ok. 
 
We need to help our children understand the importance of making and keeping small promises.  Teach them that their word is their honor.  You are learning to trust them and they are building that trust. 
 
Preparing your children, your families, and yourself for General Conference
We need to listen to them and then act upon them.  It’s what we do before conference, during conference and after conference.
 
Before Conference—Prepare!  I would recommend you start this preparation two weeks ago.  Help them become more familiar with who they are.  There needs to be a connection before they stand up to speak.
 
Class member:  We put words on cups that had candy in them.  They get a candy each time they hear the word. 
 
Conference Saturday & Sunday…it’s 2 days.  In the beginning the goal is to have good feelings about conference.  As they get older you can do the Conference packets.  Color the ties like who is up there.  Have them stand up and sing the songs.  Have them raise their arm to the square.  Have them participate.  Your sons need to go to Priesthood session.  The YW need to attend the General YW Meeting. 
 
During Conference—Have them take notes. 
 
After Conference—Be sure each child has their own Conference Ensign with their name on it.  Then you as a family teach from different conference talks for FHE.  Read talk prior.  Have a child give the lesson.  Make a to-do list. 
 
The “I believe in living prophets” changes to “We do and follow what the prophet says.”  This builds testimonies.  They don’t lose their testimony when they have questions because they have already gained it.
 
Class member:  In our home General Conference is a ‘holiday’.  We go shopping just for General Conference. 
 
Class member:  I mentioned to my daughter that the General Women’s Conference was this weekend and she said, “Yes! Conference is next weekend.” 
General Conference issues should become as sacred to you as your scriptures.  Use them.  Write on them. 
 
Class member:  Type the quote and they have to find it in their Ensign during the week.  Who said it and what the talk was that week.  Don’t tell anyone and don’t look it up on the internet.
 
Class member:  Make memes to print for the wall with Conference talks. 
 
Elder Holland April 2003 “A Prayer for the Children”
“Nephi-like, might we ask ourselves what our children know? From us? Personally? Do our children know that we love the scriptures? Do they see us reading them and marking them and clinging to them in daily life? Have our children ever unexpectedly opened a closed door and found us on our knees in prayer? Have they heard us not only pray with them but also pray for them out of nothing more than sheer parental love? Do our children know we believe in fasting as something more than an obligatory first-Sunday-of-the-month hardship? Do they know that we have fasted for them and for their future on days about which they knew nothing? Do they know we love being in the temple, not least because it provides a bond to them that neither death nor the legions of hell can break? Do they know we love and sustain local and general leaders, imperfect as they are, for their willingness to accept callings they did not seek in order to preserve a standard of righteousness they did not create? Do those children know that we love God with all our heart and that we long to see the face—and fall at the feet—of His Only Begotten Son? I pray that they know this.”
 
 

​“Courageous Parenting” is a philosophy for parenting.  You can love your children and love the role of parent and be very strict. 
 
What I hope you realize is that if you would take those talks and pulled your notes together you would be astounded how they say the same thing over and over.  They are giving the very same counsel.  These are those we sustain as prophets, seers, and revelators. 
 
It’s important.  It’s true.  At night you get down on your knees as a mother you pray for the safety and well being of your children.  I think Heavenly Father must think…how many times have I told you that and given you the way to save your children.  I did it because I love you and your children.  It’s so different from the world and we think how do we make them popular in the world and still bring them to Christ.  Sometimes we can’t.  We have to choose what is most important. 
 
Listen to Conference that is coming up in a couple of weeks.  Conference will be focused on what do we need to do to save our families, our children, and ourselves in this wicked world.  Because of the loudness of the world members will start doubting and slide out of the gospel. 
 
Is it bad to have questions?  No.  That’s how we learn and grow.  

“Come as you are, but don’t plan to stay as you are.” Elder Jeffrey R Holland
 
We need to create an environment where it’s safe to change and they want to change. 
 
Principle is something that is true no matter what time or age or stage. 
Practice is how someone does something.  They can be different for each family.
 
This class is about percentages.  If you do it wrong 100% of the time then you do it right 3x then you have improved.  It’s not about becoming perfect.  This is about seeking to become different.  It takes a long time to start doing things differently.  Be easy on yourself.  You are a good parent because you are here and you have that desire. 
 
My goal for you…at the end of this semester you have decided to change 2 things and do differently in your home.  If you do 2 this will be a successful class for you. 
 
Most of you parent the way you were parented because you don’t know anything else.  How often have you been correcting your children and you hear your mother?  You have said, “I will never do that when I’m a mother.”  You don’t know anything else so you revert to what happened to you.  If you didn’t like the way you were parented we get the attitude that you will not parent that way. 
 
Parenting doesn’t come with an instruction book.  Just when you think you got it you get another child that messes up the whole program.  Or they turn 13!  It’s like they go to bed one night and wake up the next morning awful. 
 
We have to build our parenting on principles.  Principles are the same no matter what.  How we apply the principles is going to be different, but the principle is the foundation and it remains the same. 
 
We tend to look at rules.  This class isn’t about teaching a rule to force children to do what you want them to do.  This class is about teaching children to be responsible and govern themselves and use their agency wisely. 
 
Answer these questions….

1. What do I do well as a parent?  What is my strong suit as a parent?
2. What do I think I need to improve most on?  What is the first step that I can do to cause that to happen?
3. When will I start that?
4. How can I make my spouse more happy?

 
What is your style of parenting? 
 
Helicopter Parent:  You hover over your children.  If they forget something at school you run it over to them.  If they are having a problem you go talk to the teacher.  You hover because you love them and want to take care of them. 
 
Lawn Mower Parent:  Goes before the child and create a clear path.  Mom solves problems before that happens.
 
Both of those types are detrimental to the child.
 
Referee Parent:  Parent has good desires, but doesn’t know how to implement it.  In order to raise a responsible child you tell them everything they do wrong so they can improve and become better.  You focus on everything they do wrong. We think when we tell them what they are doing wrong they are hearing what they should do right.  This creates children who feel guilty and like they can never be enough or do anything right. 
 
Example:  Stop hitting!  We think they hear “I need to be kind and not hit someone.”
 
Your intention doesn’t dictate the value of what you do.  They are reacting to your behavior.  You look at the negative and focus on the negative.  We need to become the coach. 
 
Coach Parent:  Teach them on the positive.  Teach them what they want to do.  Comment specifically on what they are doing right that you like.  We need to focus on telling them what’s right instead of what’s wrong. 
 
“The Collapse of Parenting” by Leonard Sax
 
He says our children today are being most influenced by their peers.  They care more about what their peers say and think instead of what parents say and think.  What are you doing with your children?  We want them involved in every sport.  We push them into peer situations too early.  We push our kids out and put them on electronics.  How many of the ‘good shows’ make the parent look like a dummy and their peers are smarter than the parent.  Peers banded together and were disrespectful to adults.  Children can get super sassy to adults, but now they are becoming that way to each other. 
 
“What does it mean to assert your authority as a parent?  It doesn’t mean being a tough disciplinarian.  It means ensuring the parent/child takes precedence over the peer relationship with the child.” 
 
If that is your goal then how does that change what you put your children in.  If you push your children out to become involved we are making sure they aren’t bonding with us. 
 
“Benefits of parental authority matters because then they can teach right from wrong.  They can prioritize attachments in the family over peers. They can educate desire instilling a longing for better thing in their own character.”
 
It is critical to have a one-on-one personal relationship with each child.  That has to be developed before we can create the desire to do right things.  This is different than a list of rules.  When you develop the close relationship and educate their desire.  Does that mean we don’t have rules?  No.  You have to understand what you are talking about.  Rules by themselves will not take children where you want them to go.  The relationship needs to be established early on.  It’s easiest to establish early on.  You can always establish a relationship.  It’s just done in a different way. 
 
In pulling them into this culture of family and away from the peer culture and helping them see what is most important. 
 
Basic emotional needs:

1.  Sense of belonging
2.  They have something to contribute
3.  Individually respected and loved

 
 I want my children to leave our home saying “I’m so glad to be a Tanner!”  What does that mean to be a Tanner? 
 
Study by Brent Top @ BYU—The successful youth could say what their family stood for.  When he asked the troubled youth what they stood for they didn’t know.  There wasn’t a picture of what it meant to be in that family.
 
We need to create an image of what it means to be in your family. 
 
HOMEWORK:  Create a Family Mission Statement
 
This is what you stand for.  This is 2 part.  It is what do you want it to look like.  What do we want this family to look like.  The 2nd part is what are we going to do to become that. 
 
The purpose of the mission statement is to help your family work to the goal of becoming what you say you want your family to be.  Once you have made it put it on your wall.  Put it on the wall in every bedroom.  As you say your evening prayers at night recite your family mission statement.  Teach it and train it.  Have it be visual.  When they start to behave in a way that is not in compliance with the mission statement then you use this as a training tool. 
 
Example:  We agreed as a family that we work hard.  You agreed to that too.
 
You have to use it.  You can’t just create it.  This should be a family project.  As a family figure it out. 
 
HOMEWORK:  Create a family motto.
 
The family needs to memorize and recite the family mission statement.  This is the glue.  This is who we are.  They like it and they want to be it.  Create a unity in the home with the family mission statement. 
 
Order in your home will create peace. 
 
When a child goes to kindergarten they learn how to line up, where to put their stuff, where to sit, circle time, weather chart, birthdays.  This creates security and they blossom.  If children know what they are doing day after day they don’t argue with the teacher because they know what is going to happen during the day.  With the routine you eliminate the contention and confusion.  When there is no structure there is chaos and the opportunity to argue about what they want to do. 
 
If you have never done this in your home you will have a great deal of flack.  It’s always easier to start narrow and let it get broader.  If you’ve given them too much and bring it back in it’s harder.  If you have little people keep it narrow.  Teach and train them while they are young and they will know what to do when they are older.  Stop letting your children parent.  Parent by principle.
 
In Genesis Heavenly Father created the world.  Everything was created spiritually first before it was physical.  You come up with the plan and order that you think will work best.  You don’t go to family council and say…”What would you like to do?” 
 
Create the plan.
Present the plan.  They will grown up knowing this is what we do at our house.  They just know that.  There will be days when they check the boundaries, but it’s not a dynamite experience. 
 
D&C 88:124
Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.
 
If you get enough sleep in the morning your mind will be clear.  You need to go to bed earlier and get up earlier.  If you will be up dressed and ready to meet the day with morning prayers & scriptures before you children get out of bed you will get more done during the day and with a happier attitude.
 
Pg 13 in the syllabus
 
You can’t develop the relationship with the family when they are attached to peers.  Being attached on electronics keeps them attached to their peers.  All phones and all electronics need to be docked and you have access to reviewing them.  After the kids are in bed you can undock yours.  You should have yours docked the same time they do.  There should never be cell phones at the table ever!  Evening hours should be family time.  We need to watch carefully their electronics. 
 
You need to smile daily!  We need to make that a habit.  Tell your face you are happy. 
 
A meet & greet daily!  Meet your children when they are going out and when they are coming in.  Meet/greet with a touch and a smile. 
 
Rites of Passage---need to be few in your family.  BUT whatever you decide they are they are not negotiable.  This is something that happens only at a certain age.  There is no distinguishing between ages.  There is nothing saying you are older and you have more responsibilities and more privileges. 
 
Baptism—8
Date—16
Mission—18/19
 
Example:

• Age 6 you don’t have to have a nap or quiet time.
• Staying up later at night.
• When you can wear makeup
• When you can get a cell phone
• When you can get your ears pierced.

 
You need to have a few that they can look forward to.
 
“A House United”  By Nicholeen Peck
 

• Turn 16—Their first date has to be with the opposite parent. 

 
We forget to teach them the responsibility part.  Teach that up front them give them the privilege.
 
HOMEWORK: 
Read these conference talks.  Make a list of Parenting ideas from them

• Sister Joy Jones “A Sin Resistant Generation”  May 2017 Ensign
• Larry Lawrence “Courageous Parenting”  November 2010 Ensign
• Create a family mission statement
• Create a family motto

 
Bruce R McKonkie  “Be Valiant in the Faith” 1974
“As members of the Church, we are engaged in a mighty conflict. We are at war. We have enlisted in the cause of Christ to fight against Lucifer and all that is lustful and carnal and evil in the world. We have sworn to fight alongside our friends and against our enemies, and we must not be confused in distinguishing friends from foes.”
 
Joy Jones “A Sin Resistant Generation”
“Today the war continues with increased intensity. The battle touches us all, and our children are on the front lines facing the opposing forces. Thus, the need intensifies for us to strengthen our spiritual strategies.  How to “bring up [our] children in light and truth”7 may be a challenging question since it is individualized for each family and each child, but Heavenly Father has given universal guidelines that will help us.”
 
Parent with righteous intentional parenting!