- Read..."Teach Them To Understand" Elder David A Bednar Rick College Devotional 1998
- Read...."A Plea To My Sisters" President Russell M. Nelson October 2015
- Read one of these 2 talks....."Teaching In The Home a Joyful & Sacred Responsibility" Devin G. Durrant May 2018 OR "Small & Simple Things" Dallin H. Oaks April 2018
Part A: Write down what you think the biggest mistake you make in parenting.
Part B: What is the thing you do that makes you a fabulous parent?
Circle the answer of ‘what you do fabulous’. With real intent I want you to scribble out Part A and forget about it. I want you to focus on magnifying Part B.
HOMEWORK: Focus on the thing you do that makes you a fabulous parent.
We are living in a generation of disrespect.
Going back to when I was a child there was a respect for adults, authority, our country. Then we moved to a period of having disrespect for authority and leaders in the 60’s. Now it has swung further where no one respects anyone. Even youth treat each other terribly.
Our movies and our programs especially Disney Channel that they gang up against adults who are really dumb and then they gang up against each other. The role model is just disrespect. Look at what is going on in the world. Everyone has a cause against something. What we are lacking is Parental Authority. It doesn’t mean Parenting Discipline. I think a better word is Parenting Influence. We need to establish a relationship with our children where they will respect us.
Age 8 is the age of accountability. We have to create a position where we are the parent and not their ‘friend’. If we are their friend then they disrespect us. As a parent you have to set standards and consequences. As they go out in that environment they will have already established a respectful relationship with their parents.
Families have to come together and strengthen the family. We are fragmenting our families when they try to ‘become’ something (soccer player, dancer, etc). Pull your kids in and keep them home. If you are saying no you can’t do soccer and you can’t do this, but you have to provide something. You can’t just pull them into a vacuum. We have to pull them in to the family and make the family be something and stand for something. They need to be part of what that picture is. That needs to happen from the beginning.
By the time they are 8 they have to already have that strong feeling of ownership in their family. The family is where it’s happening. That creates Intentional Parenting.
Referee---You have to react to what they do and correct the misbehavior. If that is your only interaction you are not creating this cohesive unit. You have to Intentionally Parent. You have to make your home your number one priority. We do get involved in busy-ness of life. We have to be careful that the busy-ness of life doesn’t distract us from the core of parenting.
Ponder Pad…How often do I “Intentionally” think about how I parent? How often do I think about and create a plan about how to do something instead of just reacting to everyday?
Realize that parenting has to be intentional. Heavenly Father created the Plan of Salvation before he ever created the earth. He knew what he wanted.
We say…I want my children to be strong, have faith, before they leave home. That’s great, but what are you doing to make that plan happen. Our plan becomes ‘buy peace at home’. We give into a lot of things that may not be to the best interest of our home.
Class member: I was talking to my husband about a fun hobby. He said you need to figure out ‘why’ you want to do that. Then you can break it down into smaller subcategories. In Primary we learn that “I am a child of God”.
Class member: We adopted 3 kids a little over 3 years ago. I have 2 biological as well. It was very clear in the beginning that they didn’t have a sense of stability. My husband and I came up with a mission statement that we say after family prayer. This has carried on. Whenever there are people over it includes them. It gives them a sense of belonging. As they are going through and having memories of the past and having hard things come up. We talk about being a “Dixon”. We talk about into the future and how they are still part of it.
There has to be not a buddy. You have to be the parent. Being the parent gives them security. We are not helicopter mom’s or lawn mower mom’s. We have to teach them how to take care of themselves. You have to teach them that process of knowing how to do that. As they learn that they become less reliant on peers and the world because they know that within themselves they can do it.
We need to teach them how to feel part of this unity and structure and then learn that they have the power to handle their own problems and beliefs. You have taught them how. They don’t have to buy all the messages in the world. This world is going to QUICKLY go downhill. We are close to the Second Coming. I think things are going to change pretty rapidly. We need to fortify our children. You feel it in the church when they are ‘hastening’ the work. We have to prepare our kids to do that. Our children have to be strong enough to withstand what is out there.
“Raising Resilient Children” by Lyle Burrup
We think we are no good because we aren’t perfect. They think if they can do it they are good and if they can’t they are NOT good.
I am talking about the training and teaching we do in our home….both spiritual and temporal.
Most of us teach knowledge in our home. We are teaching them concepts all the time…knowledge. You teach them about the Joseph Smith story. They answer all the questions in Primary. We teach facts. We think if they can give the facts back to us then they ‘know’ it.
How many believe that flossing is good for your teeth? 97% said yes. How many of you floss occasionally? 60%. How many of you floss regularly? 32% You go from a high number of those who believe it’s right, but they don’t act on the principle.
What happens between knowledge and conversion? That is what we have to focus on. You are doing pretty good on the knowledge part, but the conversion isn’t good enough.
Even if they flossed every night and did everything right they will still have cavities (trials).
This is how you take learning and make it conversion.
Elder Bednar uses questions when he is teaching. You ask questions so you get whoever to learn. When someone ‘acts’ (raising their hand to answer) it invites the Spirit to begin to teach us and change us. We then can become converted to that principle.
How do I do this?
Class member: I just had this experience. After church every Sunday we talk about what their lessons were about. My 8 yr old was learning about Joseph Smith. As a family we are reading “Our Heritage”. My brother used to totally active and served a mission and went inactive 3 years ago because of Joseph Smith. I told him that he has to decide if it really did happen. We can tell you all day long this is true, but you have to decide for yourself because it will change your life if you decide. I felt they have to have their own testimonies. My parents taught us all the same way, but 2 of my siblings are not active.
There are 2 things missing. We look at these experiences and say, “If I teach this once then that is it forever.” These kinds of experiences have to happen over and over and over. You have helped him internalize, but he hasn’t acted on it. That is where we have opted out on parenting. You need to help them with real intent to make good choices. Wait for an opportunity where he is struggling with something. That is when you take this story and bring it back to him. “What did Joseph Smith do when he didn’t know what to do? Can I pray with you? Do you think that would help?” You set and example and you give them an application.
How many times have you been told read your scriptures and pray every morning? Do you do it every day?
Don’t get impatient. We need to not be impatient with our kids.
Understanding Church History by Study and by Faith February 2017 Ensign
Hang on to those things that are true and don’t doubt the things you don’t understand.
What are the prophets telling us to do over and over and over? Everything talks about the Sabbath Day and the Sacrament. We have to fortify ourselves there. They are preparing us and telling us how to do it.
Class member: We just recently moved and a Seventy in our ward talked briefly. As we move into the new year they just had an area meeting. They are still worried and concerned that we are going to lose focus on keeping the Sabbath Day sacred.
We are not putting the Savior first. Put aside your own things and do the Lord’s things. It’s the ability to focus on and make the Savior a priority. Come out of the world for one day. As time gets further down this is where we find our strength and peace. Satan carefully leads us down to hell.
Class member: This is where ‘Satan lulls you away’.
You aren’t ‘building the fort’ (fortifying). You have a sand castle when the winds come.
What you watch on TV or Netflix or music…media…desensitizes us to spirituality faster and with less consciousness than what is around us all the time.
Class member: We just had a FHE about the distractions. It’s not about that we are doing anything bad, but it’s a distraction from doing what is good. It’s so consuming.
I look at my life…why am I not indexing for an hour a week? I don’t have children at home. Look at “Good, Better, Best”. I’m doing good stuff, but am I doing ‘best’ stuff. Everyone needs to look at themselves and think about doing what is ‘best’.
All things are temporal AND spiritual.
This list is not your ‘to do’ list. It’s to help you start thinking. You are responsible to teach them in all areas so they have self confidence when they leave you. They need to learn they can make mistakes and do them over and fix it. They need to do it over and over until they become good at it.
These are maybe things you haven’t thought about….This is to prepare them for life. This is not gender specific.
Your children need to learn a lot of things.
In the Book of Mormon, Mormon was helping to prepare the Nephites for the Lamanites attack when there was no war. He build a ditch, put spikes around the city, stacked up dirt, built towers, fortifies Nephites with armour. He did all of this in times of peace so when the Lamanites came the Nephites had the advantage.
When we read the war chapters we wonder why it’s there. We TODAY are going to war against Satan. You will be targeted. Satan wants you because you have made targets. If you don’t have ears to hear or eyes to see then you hear the topic and you turn it off. If you have heard it and you hear it again you better pay attention to it.
My Mom wrote me a letter when I was in the early stages of parenting. She said sometimes I feel like we hear the same things over and over and we aren’t told anything new because we aren’t listening to and doing what he asks us to do.
HOMEWORK: As we talk about these 5 things evaluate where you are in them.
These are the latter day fortifications. These are things we do to build a fortress in our homes. They can be in the fortress until they go out on their own.
Must be meaningful and with intent. The attitude is probably just as important as what we actually say in the prayer.
President James E. Faust said, “Praying together as a family is a bonding experience. Younger children can learn how to pray as they hear the prayers of their parents and older siblings. … Individual prayer and family prayer are indispensable to personal and family happiness.”
Before prayer we need to discuss things that are happening.
Feb 2001 “No Substitute For Family Prayer”
If you want to have family prayer you will get on your knees and ask him how to make it happen. It doesn’t matter what you do, but that you do it. Whenever you have that desire and it’s a quest, Heavenly Father will help us find the way.
Blessings Promised by President Hinckley….The Blessings of Family Prayer Ensign Feb 1991
Don’t evaluate your success on the amount you cover and how much you think your children are hearing. Don’t get in such a box that you think it only has to be one way. The commandment is to have ‘scripture study’ each day. “Little children need to learn the language of the scriptures” Say the words and have your children.
“This Day” Henry B Eyring April 2007
President Ezra T Benson “Cleansing The Inner Vessel” April 1986
“I counsel you, my beloved brothers and sisters and friends everywhere, to make reading in the Book of Mormon a few minutes each day a lifelong practice. “I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to that counsel. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.” (Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1960, pp. 110–13.)”
Family Home Evening
President Hinckley “FHE won’t always be a spiritual high…it is the growth over time that reaps the blessings”
Promises: It will take away stress, give direction to our lives, adds protection to our home (increase capacity to not listen to inappropriate music or watch inappropriate videos), love will increase, obedience will increase, youth will gain power to combat the evil influences that will beset them.
C Scott Grow---BYU Devotional
Use the different levels of learning….Knowledge, Understanding, Internalize, and Act. It’s easier to be internalized over a period of time. Create opportunities to have these experiences. Keep a FHE journal of what you did. It will remind them of how much good they have done over the year.
The commandment is ‘regular temple attendance’. What is ‘regular’ and what is ‘often’? You pray about those words. This is where we go to meet God. You need to go and prepare yourself mentally. This is where you can be spiritually and emotionally fed. The temple is truly holy grounds. Listen to the words of those covenants. Come to understand the power of the blessings you have already been given. This is where you can come out of the world and be fortified to stand in the world. The temple and the sacrament should be the most sacred growing and reaching out places.
(Vaughn J. Featherstone)
1-If a man, you will become mighty; if a woman, powerful (D&C 109:22 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;)
2-It will serve as great "insurance protection" for your marriage (D&C 132:19 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.)
3-The blessings of the Eternal Gods will be called down upon you. (D&C 109:12, 14 That thy glory may rest down upon thy people, and upon this thy house, which we now dedicate to thee, that it may be sanctified and consecrated to be holy, and that thy holy presence may be continually in this house; And do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house may be taught words of wisdom out of the best books, and that they may seek learning even by study, and also by faith, as thou hast said)
4-Unseen angels will watch over your loved ones when Satanic forced tempt them (Acts 27:33 And while the day was coming on, Paul besought them all to take meat, saying, This day is the fourteenth day that ye have tarried and continued fasting, having taken nothing.)
5-Your families will draw close to the Lord and there will be no empty chairs in the celestial kingdom. (Hymn#301 I Am A Child of God)
6-Your children will go on missions (D&C 109:58 That from among all these, thy servants, the sons of Jacob, may gather out the righteous to build a holy city to thy name, as thou hast commanded them.)
7-Your children will marry in the temple. (Conference Talks)
8-The veil will be thin, you will have great spiritual growth and many spiritual experiences will distill upon you. (D&C 138)
9-You will be prepared for exaltation--with a celestial mind, celestial body and a celestial personality (3 Nephi 12:3, 20 Yea, blessed are the poor in spirit who come unto me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Therefore come unto me and be ye saved; for verily I say unto you, that except ye shall keep my commandments, which I have commanded you at this time, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.)
10-You will see clearly how to make critical decisions that weigh heavily on your mind (D&C 109:42 But deliver thou, O Jehovah, we beseech thee, thy servants from their hands, and cleanse them from their blood.)
11-You will become Christlike. (D&C 109:22-25 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;
“Temples & The Work Therein” David B Haight October 1990
Sabbath Day Attendance
“Gratitude on the Sabbath Day” Henry B Eyring October 2016
HOMEWORK: Read “Gratitude on the Sabbath Day” Henry B Eyring October 2016 and make a list of what to do.
Because the prophets have promised it we are headed for rough waters. Look at the media and nature. Look at the wickedness in the world. As a whirlwind passes through it’s going to get worse. We cannot be complacent. We have to fortify our family. Satan is anxiously engaged in destroying them. His time is short and he knows it. The Lord has told us how to do it. These 5 things are the beginning of fortifying our home. They all involved consciously parenting. They have to happen in your home in a Spirit of love and joy not fear and doom. We need to have Christ centered homes and even if the world falls your home will stand firm and he will be there because you have invited him through your obedience.
What is your parenting teaching style? (Ponder question)
Until we see what we do and determine it’s effectiveness it’s hard for us to change.
My daughter played volleyball in high school. She was good, but she hadn’t mastered the overhand jump serve. She would practice serve after serve. The coach came over to her and said you are not doing this right. You need to keep practicing and he left. She knew she wasn’t doing it right. She could see it wasn’t going over the net. He didn’t give her specifics/techniques on how to make it better. He didn’t say that to her.
If I say I’m going to give you new tools, but if you don’t know where you are you won’t know what exactly you need to change to get that parenting right on. You have to understand what you parenting style is.
I was raised by a military Dad. He would bark orders and I would say “Yes sir!” I was very compliant, but I carry a lot of baggage into adulthood. You begin parenting like you were parented. A lot of times that doesn’t work.
We tend to do what we know with greater intensity. If it didn’t work before it’s not going to work now. Because society is changing we have to change parenting. The Lord is teaching us how to do it if we can read his handbook. We are going to learn how to read his handbook.
What are some parenting styles?
You can be a different style with every child and you should be. We tend to pick a style and then do it. It will work with one, but it won’t work another one. We have to parent according to the child.
Class member: What are some positive ones?
Write down on your ponder pad what you think your parenting style is. What is the method you use to teach your children? Generically what is your method of teaching?
I think many of you do what’s called reactive parenting meaning the child misbehaves, you engage & correct the misbehavior, and go on. It’s their misbehavior that causes you to engage to teach. Your primary way of teaching right and wrong is engage when they are misbehaving on a daily basis and FHE once a week. That is the view of what we have that makes good parents.
I’m a child. I want that truck. I grab it and take it away. Mom sees me and says “We don’t do that. We share. We are going to take turns.” I’m mad because I want the truck. She makes me give it back. As an angry child how much of that sinks in? It doesn’t sink in and it doesn’t register. That isn’t a good teaching moment. You must parent to it, but is that when you teach the principle? No. Principle is not being learned then.
Are you really teaching at moments when principles can be internalized?
Write down 3 things that you are worried about in society for your children. Fearful things you are concerned with.
Sometimes we parent from a point of fear. It’s a fear of losing our children. A fear of them not liking us. A fear that we as a parent are doing it wrong. When we parent out of fear we become a helicopter mom. That is a hovering Mom. You are afraid they are going to get hurt. You solve all their problems for them. We give them the answer. We are forever telling them what to do. We think by doing that we are helping them grow. We are actually handicapping them and making them dependent on them.
The biggest problem in the MTC is that they don’t know how to think.
A young person went over to college and her Dad asked her if she had been to church. She said no. He asked why and she said because no one had come and gotten her.
The lawn mower mom….is someone who goes before the child to mow the lawn and make it smooth and clean so they don’t have to do anything hard. We do it to them. We teach them to be incapable of saying no to drugs, sex, and pornography. We make them so week they can’t stand up for truth. The intent is good, but we handicap our children when we do it.
We have to understand what it is that we are doing in our lives and how we parent.
Alma 50:23 But behold there never was a happier time among the people of Nephi, since the days of Nephi, than in the days of Moroni, yea, even at this time, in the twenty and first year of the reign of the judges.
We think entitlement make our children happy, but the scriptures say in the middle of war and turbulence there ‘never was a happier people’.
But behold, to their uttermost astonishment, they were prepared for them, in a manner which never had been known among the children of Lehi. Now they were prepared for the Lamanites, to battle after the manner of the instructions of Moroni.
“They” are the Lamanites.
2 keys….They were prepared after the manner that had never been known before. Following the prophet.
It usually takes 10 years for the church to incorporate a new teaching (Elder Boyd K. Packer)
We have to parent “in a manner that has never been known before”. Not the way we were parented and not the way the world parents.
There may be a lot of members in the church who may criticize you for how you are parenting your children. I want to help you parent in a different way.
Principles we are going to teach may be new.
Class member: We are reading this as a family. We just read this chapter this morning. Moroni had spent the time to fortify and protect.
Our handbook for parenting comes from the prophet. That is who we need to look to. Always the prophet!
And now it came to pass that Moroni did not stop making preparations for war, or to defend his people against the Lamanites; for he caused that his armies should commence in the commencement of the twentieth year of the reign of the judges, that they should commence in digging up heaps of earth round about all the cities, throughout all the land which was possessed by the Nephites.
Are we only going to teach it once and expect it to stay with them?
What does it mean to have ‘intention, righteous’ parenting?
Class member: I think it means being a proactive parent. I think you need to teach it before they encounter it.
Class member: You are having constant talk about those same things all the time.
Class member: It’s studying those patterns. We had FHE and scripture study. It’s setting those patterns so you do it at those times.
Class member: I think it’s working backwards. You know what you want and then work backwards from that. With that goal in mind.
How many of you when you were pregnant didn’t think about being pregnant the whole time you are pregnant? You are aware of it all the time. That’s what intentional is. It is always there.
How intentional is your testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ? Do you go to church because that’s what we do? Do you have a calling because that’s just what we do? Do you keep the commandments because that’s what we do? OR do you have a testimony of those things? Is it exciting to do it? It’s based on how much we have the Savior in our lives every day. Those things we do in the gospel are joyful.
We want our children to have that testimony. Can they be there if we are not on fire with it? Does it govern choices? We used to be able to parent the gospel as a set of rules, but we have to do it differently now.
1 And now it came to pass that Moroni did not stop making preparations for war, or to defend his people against the Lamanites; for he caused that his armies should commence in the commencement of the twentieth year of the reign of the judges, that they should commence in digging up heaps of earth round about all the cities, throughout all the land which was possessed by the Nephites.
2 And upon the top of these ridges of earth he caused that there should be timbers, yea, works of timbers built up to the height of a man, round about the cities.
3 And he caused that upon those works of timbers there should be a frame of pickets built upon the timbers round about; and they were strong and high.
4 And he caused towers to be erected that overlooked those works of pickets, and he caused places of security to be built upon those towers, that the stones and the arrows of the Lamanites could not hurt them.
5 And they were prepared that they could cast stones from the top thereof, according to their pleasure and their strength, and slay him who should attempt to approach near the walls of the city.
6 Thus Moroni did prepare strongholds against the coming of their enemies, round about every city in all the land.
7 And it came to pass that Moroni caused that his armies should go forth into the east wilderness; yea, and they went forth and drove all the Lamanites who were in the east wilderness into their own lands, which were south of the land of Zarahemla.
Fortifications…..trench, dirt, timbers, pickets, towers, stones/arrows, drove out the Lamanites
In the battle there was a bunch of Lamanites killed to the point that they filled the trench with the bodies of the Lamanites. Not one Nephite was killed. The power in fortifying our children is in the preparation we do. The Stripling Warriors had to be fortified before they went to war. Their mothers knew it. Their dads had been killed instead of breaking the covenants they made.
Those young men worked in the fields to raise crops to feed the armies that would protect their families. Now there is a need they know how to work hard. They are not self-entitled. They have been giving their lives in service and gratitude. Their preparation was solid.
Are you driving out things that may be harmful in your home? Media, movies, music
My son gave a lesson on fortifying our kids against pornography from a bishops point of view. He said 100% of the youth had been involved in someway in his ward. This is the young men and the young women. Boys get hooked from devices…phones, iPads, in your home or out of it….it’s creating problems with masturbation. Girls have a problem with masturbation, but it comes from the romance novels they are reading. He is in a good ward in the middle of Utah. The parents in the ward do not know.
You will learn to read your children so well that you will be able to search out what it is.
If a novel entices those feelings in people it is wrong.
5 Defenses that are the Fortifications for our Families:
These things are done in times of peace. He was ready and prepared. Your children will still be tempted and wounded, but they won’t be killed. The battle with sin is real.
“Too many of our Father in Heaven’s children are being overcome by worldly desires. The onslaught of wickedness against our children is at once more subtle and more brazen than it has ever been. Teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in the home adds another layer of insulation to protect our children from worldly influences.” L. Tom Perry “Mothers Teaching In the Home”
1. Teach Principles.
(This is the ‘what to teach’)
The other nine doctrinal points include:
Come Follow Me is (‘how to teach’)
Teaching is a full time job. This isn’t just for FHE. This is an every day event. This is mini moments in the car going somewhere.
Class member: Come Follow Me….Curriculum is what you are teaching, but also ‘how you are teaching’. It talks about asking questions.
If you have this then you have intentional FHE. They are focused on this. We need to work carefully to teach doctrine. Not to teach practices…that’s how you implement them in your home.
2. Find Safety in the Temple
3. Study and Follow the Prophet AND Local Leaders
4. Bear and Live Your Testimony
5. Sabbath Day Observance & Partaking of the Sacrament with Real Intent
And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspottedfrom the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day;
If we build these fortifications with peace you will be able to withstand. You may be scarred, but you will win. These 5 areas are critical to our defense system. As we go through the semester we will get really specific with them.
I know that if you will keep your covenants and keep your foundation strong He will walk before you and send angels to go before you. Elder Holland says Mothers will have angels to walk with you. If you fortify them and live worthy.
“My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.”13 On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal.” Jeffrey R. Holland The Ministry of Angels
What did you get from last week? Did you pick one to be more exact with? Did you look at Sunday? Anyone want to share?
Class member: Kids…how do you feel about doing FHE every Monday with or without Dad? They wanted to wait for Dad. They decided to do it anyway. Then we went to Utah and got home at 9pm last night. They are going to help with FHE lesson. It’s going to be a FHE because I have no desire to do FHE. It will happen.
Class member: We have been trying to do better. It can be really difficult. We have been working on just one verse with reading scriptures. The Sabbath is probably the hardest thing with my family. It’s really hard to have a peaceful Sabbath.
Peace we translate to be “quiet”. You can have organized chaos on Sunday. You can play games together, make cookies together. Focus on what you “CAN” do. Have a box with only Sunday activities….play dough, markers.
Class member: I have an almost 7 year old and almost 2 year old. My daughter is wanting to read more. The advice was to have the 2 year old repeat after us. He has been much more involved.
Class member: Our Sabbath Day has been a lot better. Now we have a lot of family members that are widows. Everyone of them is assigned a family to come to dinner. We had everyone come to dinner for Valentine’s Day. It’s helped my kids get out of themselves. They are hearing family stories.
A little over a year ago Elder Packer & Elder Perry talked. There were 9 talks given on the family. 9 of the 15 spoke on family or marriage. About 9 months later the Supreme Court agreed to same sex marriages. Those times are coming. Our faith wasn’t shaken because we already knew the doctrine. The Lord’s principles/doctrine will stay the same.
In 2015 the First Presidency had a leadership conference and since then there have been talks on Sabbath Day observance. Why do you think that is critical right now? Why is it critical that we not only teach it, but implement it as a solid practice right now?
Class member: It’s going to change the world by starting with the family. We will bring more light into this world as we do this.
Class member: I think the kids need to know that there is no more ‘gray scale’. Things are black and white now. You have to have your stand. We need to raise our kids with ‘this is how a family is.’ We need to train them and teach them and show them the way. It’s also to weed those members out of the church that haven’t been as strong in the church.
Class member: I think Sabbath Day gives us time to communicate. I think they are inundated with all these other things. I think we need a longer span of time to communicate, a longer time to influence them. They need to know who they turn to so they can feel the Spirit. Every now and then I need a longer date to just get over the every day things to get to the dreams and other things.
There was a time after the 200 hundred years or after King Benjamin’s talk. It was the youth that fell away because they didn’t believe what was taught. You may have a really strong testimony, but do your youth? If we don’t ground them and found them and make the gospel not just principles we believe, but principles that we live that they will be influenced by the philosophies of men.
I have watched Christians become anit-Christs. They go to church, but the teachings of Jesus are great philosophies, but to believe in the divinity of the Savior they don’t necessarily believe that. Part of teaching our children their divinity is to teach them to keep the Sabbath Day holy. We need to teach them the Sacrament is more than just bread and water. It needs to be in our souls so it will govern us. The process of learning to feel the Sabbath Day and want the Sabbath Day and to hunger and go to the Sacrament Table has to be in us.
I think the prophets are saying if you want to be anchored during these times the Sabbath Day/Sacrament is where you need to be anchored. I think we need to study and prayerfully read and focus and make it a matter of prayer and focus to increase that deep feeling of the Sabbath day. To me this isn’t a casual topic out there. I think it is a serious warning. This is a life saver to our children.
Class member: About a week ago I shared a post on Facebook that said, “Laman & Lemuel were more than just a bad attitude.” It’s a lot deeper than that. That journey was probably terrible. What made Nephi different was that he knew who he was and that Christ was his Savior and he was there guiding him. Laman & Lemuel didn’t believe that in their core. If we didn’t have that core we would all have a terrible time. I feel like the Sabbath Day gives us that time to get to know Christ and develop that relationship with him. I feel like because the youth are so strong Satan is working that much harder on them to pull them away. That’s why we need to work harder as well.
Our youth aren’t chosen because they are ‘cool’. They were chosen to do the work. You are chosen to prepare the way. You are chosen because you have a work to do.
I have a nephew that wrote an online book in 2015. I’ve been reading it over the last couple of days. It’s amazing! It’s about the last days. It’s about the time table of the last days. As you watch the signs of the times I know it’s close. It has made me think of panic. I think when we have a really good lesson on food storage and preparedness. The key is to not be fearful, but to have faith.
If you look at inside the church signs of the times, the upheaval of women holding the priesthood and the children in gay marriages and the conflict that arises within the church, that is a sign of the times.
Part of the parable of the 10 Virgins is that we are cleaning from the inside of the church out. Look at all the times just before the Savior came to America all the destruction, before he was crucified and the destruction, the pioneers and all the destruction. I don’t know ‘what’ to do, but the key is to know ‘what is coming’ and the vision.
If we follow the prophet we will know what to do. He is telling us exactly what to do is that we align ourselves carefully, completely, with super glue to the words of the prophet. It’s not just enough to listen to Conference. What did he say last time that you are doing? How have you changed? Do you see that is not good enough. If we want to be prepared for what is coming we need to already be glued to that iron rod. The mist of darkness is going to be like the mist that was there like the darkness during the destruction of the Nephites.
Hauns Mill…He went to Far West to visit with Joseph Smith . Joseph Smith counseled that he needed to bring in all the people into Far West. He didn’t tell the people the counsel of the prophet so they didn’t leave.
The prophet will always warn us. When something is repeated it is now at the top of the list. Usually when we hear the same thing over and over and over we tend to tune out. We need to tune in and evaluate our compliance with that commandment. Seldom will we hear “Thus saith the Lord…” We think it was a good talk. We don’t think Heavenly Father is telling me what I need to do.
Richard G Scott “Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority”
“When these tools become fundamental habits, they provide the easiest way to find peace in the challenges of mortality.”
Family Prayer, Family Scriptures, FHE, Temple Attendance + Sabbath Day
You will see the country and the church in turmoil. You will see members falling away because of the doctrines of men.
We know these are the guidelines, but what I really want to teach is the blessings. If you want the blessing you obey and he will give you the blessing.
He had leprousy. The prophet told him to go wash in the dirty River Jordan 7x. The servant said if you had been told to do something big you would have done it, so why not do the small things.
He had to obey the law with exactness. Naaman had what he thought was a ‘valid excuse’ not to do it. It was pride. How often when you don’t do one of these things is it because of some excuse you have made? The focus becomes the excuse rather than making obedience a quest. Instead you need to say how can I make this happen.
President Ezra Taft Benson put it most poignantly when he said, “When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power.”
Principle: Morning & Night
Promises: Ease family tensions, check the dread disease that erodes our society (pornography, immorality, apathy), children will remember the poor and the needy, hearts will be open in compassion, children will gain respect for parents, as we pray for leaders in our country they will feel the respect for liberty, children will grow in love for parents, they will know parents believe in God, your heart will fill with peace. It will protect your family day to day from the adversary and destroying angels.
Example: We had family prayer sometimes with sleeping children and sometimes with wakeful children. A lot of times you won’t know when the Lord has blessed you. Guardian angels are there to watch over your children. We were in Utah. The family was going different directions. Jana & Ashley were driving home from Provo. Jana had been an EFY counselor and was really tired. Ashley was going to keep her awake. Jana fell asleep for just a minute. She rolled the car 3 times. Jana was not conscious. The next car behind them had a doctor and a nurse from Mountain Home. They called 911. Ashley called me in Provo. I said I can’t get there. I said call your Dad in Boise. Mike usually worked out in Meridian. That day he was at the end of Broadway. He got there before the ambulance. Both of them went home. Ashley still has a big scar across her neck where the seatbelt was. Jana was black and blue and had a few stitches over her eye.
Example: Corey was on a scout activity. They were up on Mt Borah. There is a place called “Chicken Out Ridge” Corey was coming down it too fast and slid. Just before he hit the drop his backpack caught on the only bush that was in the shale.
The angels are there to watch over our children. It is more important that they are there to protect them from influences. There is a shield that is put around them to guard them when you kneel in family prayer. I wouldn’t send my children out into the world without that shield.
FAMILY SCRIPTURE STUDY
Principle: Study the scriptures daily…family and personal.
Your responsibility is come to family scripture study and then have your personal scripture study.
By age 2 they are wanting a bedtime story. They could have a bedtime story from the scriptures. They need a Book of Mormon and the “Friend”.
I went to a Mother-Daughter thing. One question was what’s your Mother’s favorite thing to do? She said “Read the Book of Mormon”. I had never said that.
Promises….spirit of reverence will increase, mutual respect, more considerate of each other, spirit of contention will depart, parents will counsel in love and wisdom, righteousness will increase, children will be more responsive and submissive, peace, joy and happiness in your home, the strength to resist temptation will increase, strong faith in the grace of God, they will come to know they will be empowered through the Atonement to do those things that seem difficult.
Practices…start by age 2…Friend stories, own copy of scriptures.
It is essential that children hear the words of the prophets. The children repeat the words. When kids get to be about 5 and kids are just starting to read and it takes them forever as they stumble through reading a verse.
Class member: It will help them be a better reader. My son could read on a college level at a very young age.
Class member: When my kids were little, my son (who is red) argued with his teacher that it is “mine paper”….he argued with the teacher because that is what they are reading.
Class member: We would recap everyday in the story where we were. The first time he got the plates. The second time Spencer was 4 he said, “They forgot the cups and the napkins.”
Choose when you read (that is a practice). They put the Book of Mormon in their car. The power of doing it with exactness was important.
I challenge you from this point to accept that challenge…to read from the Book of Mormon every day.
FAMILY HOME EVENING
Principle: 1999….we counsel parents and children to give the highest priority to FHE, however worthy or appropriate other activities might be. FHE is for everyone.
No one is exempt. The picture just looks different. It’s Family Home Evening not hour. Your lesson may be very, very short, but the evening is where the family bonds together. It should be an evening of family time together.
Promises: It will take away stress, give direction to our lives, adds protection to our home (increase capacity to not listen to inappropriate music or watch inappropriate videos), love will increase, obedience will increase, youth will gain power to combat the evil influences that will beset them.
C Scott Grow---BYU Devotional
Somehow, a tradition has developed in the Church. In fact, you may have heard members say, "We hold our family home evenings on Sunday, and on Monday nights we have activities." Note that the First Presidency letter says that Monday Night is the time for family home evenings. Also note that Monday night is not for activities, but as they counsel, "to teach the gospel in their homes."
I hope that you can have vision to see what the prophets are seeing as they give us this counsel. Satan is targeting our homes and families. The day has passed when we can be casual in holding family home evening, daily family scripture study, or family prayer and still have real hope to hold our children close to the family and close to the Church.
I feel like this is one of the opportunities to obey with exactness. You pay 10% tithing…not 9%. I know that I am doing FHE on Monday night.
Practices---Every home is different. There are some things that have to be in place.
1. You have to be enthusiastic about it.
2. You need to get older children involved in giving the lesson. Particularly teenagers need to go to LDS.org and find material to have good lessons. You show them where to go and how to find new things.
Class member: My 7 year old reminded me that last night was FHE. I said what do you want to talk about. She got on the Ipad and found stuff on LDS.org. She found a video about Christ being baptized. She found a song about baptism.
I think we think we have to do it all. They learn to love it as they become part of it. From nursery we send home a paper every week that represents something they have done each week. Have them hold their picture and tell them about it. They are hearing about it one more time. That reinforces it.
300 Object Lessons (Website)
Teach a principle. Teach an application. Then DO IT!!! It needs to be applied or it’s not internalized. We are not there to teach knowledge. No one is converted unless they apply.
No cell phones, no texts during FHE!!! They are connecting somewhere else. They aren’t connecting with you.
Encourage the spirit of reverence. There are moments when you should. Teach children how to bear testimony. Little people need to learn reverence. Their attention span is short, but you had better start teaching it at home. They need to learn that now is appropriate to sit here and listen for a few minutes.
Sometimes our children are so uncomfortable with the Holy Ghost that they don’t know what to do with it. They do something to break the spirit. They make a joke. They do it in Sunday School. This is the time you teach them. It is to be invited and not chased out.
Make it fun! Make it exciting!
Principle: Regular temple attendance (often and regular). For every person it is different.
I would recommend you make this a sacrifice priority. You need to give up something else to do it.
Class member: In Colorado I had a little guy at home still. The temple president had gotten up. I could feel my testimony slipping a little. He talked about this woman who had to drive for a long time and she had little kids. I thought if she can do it I will do it. I decided I would go every week for a year. There were so many tender mercies through that year. For the first 3-4 months I left the temple crying each day. So much was changing…just with me. It was amazing what it did! I decided just recently to do that again. I find it’s harder now even though he is older. I remember someone saying if you have a struggling marriage or a struggling teenager go to the temple. I just miss feeling that spirit all the time. I was doing mostly family names. I had such a connection to my ancestors.
The thing about going to the temple is that no one can tell you the blessings of the temple unless you go consistently. It’s the consistency of it. Have you ever been in a room where you go into the dining room where you have a dimmer switch. That’s what it’s like in going to the temple consistently, regularly. It’s like taking that knob. You have light. Then it turns up a little. You have the capacity that increases the light you have in you. Your capacity to learn, feel, study, know inside you. When you stop going the dimmer switch starts going down. For exaltation we want to increase our capacity to endure light. That light comes on a little at a time. Your ability to learn everywhere increases.
I went consistently, but working in the temple every week I just can hardly wait until Friday morning comes so I can go serve in the temple. You just have to experience it! It is amazing! Everything the Lord says about the temple is true.
Blessings…Increase ability to righteousness and light, understand the priesthood better, the veil becomes thin, become more receptive to divine guidance, more sensitive to receive light
Get your children involved. Get them to do baptisms. Get them to do family search. They can go to family search and put a memory of someone on there. When they start posting memories they feel the connection. They feel the bonding that makes them want to participate in the temple.
Elder Bednar says doing temple work will save our children in these days.
It is imperative that we keep the Sabbath Day holy. We need to keep this day as a sign between us and the Lord of how we feel about Him. When you look at the activities you want to do on the Sabbath day teach your children “What sign am I giving the Lord about how I am using His day?”
This is one of the things that will protect us as we come into the last days. One of the key elements is the Sacrament. We can be tempted as mother’s to use digital devices to keep our children entertained for Sacrament meeting. Keep what you bring simple and keep it for only younger children. Children will rise to whatever standard you set. Even 3 year olds can sit at least through the Sacrament with nothing.
Teach them in FHE so they can do it in Sacrament Meeting. As you take your children out that it is a training moment, not an entertainment moment. If you let them run the halls, get a drink, or play do you think they want to sit in Sacrament Meeting. Parent intentionally!!! You want to teach even your little ones to come unto Christ to feel his love and companionship for him. That happens in Sacrament Meeting and on the Sabbath Day. They should come to him and feel his presence.
A picture of peace
There once was a King who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them.
One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror, for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.
The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell and in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest in perfect peace.
Which picture do you think won the prize? The King chose the second picture. Do you know why?
'Because' explained the King, 'peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.'
There will be turbulence all around. The only place to come for peace will be the temple or your home if you make your home a temple. The Savior wants to be there. Prepare your home to receive Him.
ADDITIONAL NOTE FROM ANDREA....
There are more "blessings" from obeying each leg of the table posted in the links from previous years as well as the actual references to the quotes. You can find those here....
4 Table Legs 2015
4 Table Legs 2014
4 Table Legs 2013
Share which class impacted you most this semester.
Class member: I am humbled because I came to the 4 legs of the table. We have that done, but my attitude isn’t there. I felt inspired on things to do to make it fun. I wanted to get it ‘into’ instead of just ‘unto’.
Class member: The first lesson…making your children self reliant. When she had a suggestion to just let her try. Backing them into an emotional corner. I liked that too. Hopefully after today this will be a good one.
Class member: I enjoyed the color code. I am white. My husband is white. My daughter is red/yellow. It was hard. It was good to recognize her strengths. We had to focus on how much it didn’t bother us.
A white parent has to learn to be a little more firm with a red.
Class member: I liked the doctrine on the family a lot. I didn’t even think about communication. I read President Hinckley’s talk before he gave the Proclamation.
We believe in eternal families and being married in the temple, but we don’t teach the doctrine.
Class Member: This has been my 3rd session. My all time favorite was Doctrine on the Family. I’m in the Primary as well. I can’t forget about the flack with that new song in Primary, but to hear the negative aspect has been making me think a lot. I couldn’t shake that lesson. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
Follow the prophets. Cling to them. Hang on to them. You are going to hear things. If the Lord wants the doctrine changed he will change it not social media or pressure. The times are going to get worse in the church. The parable of the 10 virgins is the members of the church. Be careful. Don’t be swept by someone in the church that starts teaching you something. If you can back it up by what the brethren say. When the Lord wants us to have it, it will come from the brethren. Listen to what they say about same-sex marriages. We love the people, but don’t accept the practice.
Class member: It’s interesting that the morals have changed. We haven’t changed. They have. It was not acceptable to get pregnant when you were 15. You didn’t go to school for 9 months. We aren’t the ones who have changed. Society has.
The prophets have said that we need to stand out as a happy peculiar people. Joy that we are free from the bondage those things create. Don’t feel angry or ashamed. Those who came and partook and the people laughed and were ashamed and were lost.
Class member: Yesterday my teenage daughter opened up a debate about whether you can legislate morality. She was attacked by students, peers, and teacher. She was afraid to go to school. She was afraid she had said the wrong thing. My husband is meeting with the principal and the teacher today at lunch.
To have your husband go and defend her you are doing it. That is bullying.
Class member: The teacher has an agenda. He is malicious with her. She is afraid of him and the students.
You are doing what’s right in defending her and helping her. We are all going to have that. Our young people many of them are facing that. It’s easier to capitulate than to stand up for what is right. We stand by them and cheer them on.
Class member: Studies show that kids do better with a mother and father. He left his wife and left his kids. He knows.
This is what our children are facing. Adults and peers will attack them. This is it.
Class member: Even with your daughter the most important thing is that she knows you are behind her. Our daughter came home and explained what happened with a teacher and vice-principal. They had bullied her into saying she had done something she hadn’t. Her whole demeanor changed when she knew that her Mom believed her.
Over time it will give her courage. It won’t take away the pain or the fear. This is beyond her capacity. You don’t have to let them fight this battle alone. It sends a message that I care about you and I will stand up for you when you stand up for what is right. If he is that bitter and angry he can’t leave it alone. They think they should choose their way, but you aren’t allowed to choose your opinion.
Class member: It’s great that you have taught her well enough to be able to stand for what is right.
Class member: When enough people stand up for what is right. There is a girl involved in band she was a habitual liar. Because he was her section leader he was involved in everything and went to the band director. Maybe this is just the first time, but after a few more maybe something will be done.
There is heat when you stand up for what is right. I’m proud of you, your family, and I’m proud of her. What a wonderful daughter you have.
Class member: We were following along in the morality section and a lot of it will fall in to that
Notes from classes and other information will be posted here. Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared. You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question.
I will be posting my class notes from Thursday Parenting Class within a few days after class.