​Class member:  I did the evaluate traditions.  We have a long hallway and I want to put vinyl on my wall with pictures of my kids.  So I went home and ordered the vinyl.  What has been the response.  The 9 year old was not happy about it.  My 13 year old daughter she came and gave Dad and Mom a hug and she loves it. 
 
If there is a downside to the digital age it’s that there is none in print. 
 
Class member:  My son had gone in to change the pictures on the screensaver to a slideshow of the pictures from our trip.
 
You have to do the effort. 
 
Class member:  Put the memory disk in the TV and look through photos on Sunday afternoon. 
 
It doesn’t do the child any good if they can’t see themselves in the pictures and connect to it.  Even if you have it saved it doesn’t do them any good.  It has to be made so they can touch it and feel it in their lives.
 
Class member:  We always watch Conference.  I have a 13 & 15 year old.  They usually sleep through it.  I said everyone who takes notes and can tell me their 3 favorite talks and the stories related to them.  So last night (FHE) they took turns telling their favorite talks and stories.  They loved it.  They got their Itunes card. 
 
Your children will always go to the lowest level of your requirement.  So don’t expect if you don’t require anything that they will produce it.  You have to raise the bar in your expectations.  You have to expect that there will be some flack.  They will go to the lowest level.  Elder Perry story---with a pole vaulter.
 
Class member:  Mine was my husband.  We have always made a special treat for the guys at the Priesthood session.  I said it stinks that they made the company party on Conference night.  The kids didn’t let him miss Priesthood.  He missed the party instead.  I loved seeing the kids reinforce what we had been teaching.
 
Class member:   I asked my kids which traditions they liked and the ones that they wanted to get rid of.  It was surprised at the traditions they wanted to get rid of.  While my kids were gone to their Dad’s on Thanksgiving I would decorate the house for Christmas and then we set up the tree for FHE after Thanksgiving.  We read a Christmas story every night throughout the month.  They loved that one too.  It’s funny when you ask them what they like and what they don’t.  Sometimes they surprise you in the things they like.
 
Class member:  Mine is the traditions too.  It started last week after this class.  I have never done ‘Elf on the Shelf’.  After this I decided I don’t need to feel guilty.  The traditions they care about are the ones we talked about.  I gave myself permission to not have to do that or feel guilty. 
 
You have permission to let it go.
 
Class member:  We have a family motto now because of conference.  “Hard is good!” 
 
Class member:  I have had a lot of trouble with my son.  That was a question I went to Conference with.  The topic that came to me was service. 
 
Class member:  I was sick last week and my husband had to go out of town.  I wasn’t able to have it the way I wanted it, but I got to listen to Conference on my own.  My friend told me to look on Twitter because they post the best quotes on there.  I got the most out of Conference this times.  I felt like everyone of the talks spoke to me and my family. 
 
Starting January 1st the curriculum for High Priests and Relief Society will change.  We are moving toward studying Conference.  The interesting thing is that it was a different Conference.  Everyone chose their own topics.  They do feel like they are individualized to families.  The first Sunday of every month the RS & HP group will be sitting in counsel and will decide what the needs are in that ward and they will find the talks that will address those needs.  Each group will decide what they feel like the needs are for that group.  Our meetings are going to become very focused on the needs of that unit.  Each ward is their own little family and we are going to work towards finding what we can do to meet the needs.
 
Do you remember Elder Oaks talk it was very pointed!  It was the Proclamation on the Family given 25 years ago as a preparation for our time.  He said this was the Lord’s church and the Lord’s vision of the family.  The church isn’t going to change.  It’s interesting to watch how direct he is.  He said this is the Lord’s doctrine.  You don’t change it or rationalize it.  It’s not bad to have questions, but find answers. 
 
The talk by President Eyring where he referred back to President Monson’s talk about reading the Book of Mormon.  He has read it for 54 years.  He said I felt like I needed to read it with greater intent and seeking different insights.  The depth of commitment to the teachings of the prophets as our testimonies grow. 
 
Looking back at receiving the Proclamation on the Family 25 years ago and now it’s really important what we are receiving now for the past year the directive was to “Come Unto Christ”.  We talked about the truths of the gospel, but not really focused on the Savior as the main topic.  It is now.  Becoming focused on the Savior we will see that belittling of the Savior.  If you aren’t truly founded in the Savior you could slip and fall.  They are telling us how to protect ourselves against what is going to come. 
 
Class member:  My parents taught English through the church.  They can’t proselyte.  It’s growing though. 
 
Class member:  Nelson was learning Mandarin.  It’s these great men who do what they are inspired to do.  I think these examples we need to dig deep. 
 
We think it’s bad right now…this is just the preface.  We will need to be individually strong.  The Lord always tells us ahead of time what to do. 
 
Find out which talk was giving when they said you should have no tattoos and one ear piercing.  (1998)  It’s that long ago and now tattoos have become the norm.  Back then there were only a few tattoos. 
 
Pay attention to what he is saying now and do it even if you don’t feel like it’s critical.  I think the Lord was strengthening the world wide church and now he wants to strengthen individual units. 
 

​How was Conference?
 
Class member:  Conference was great.  I learned last year that Conference wasn’t for me I have to help my kids love it.  My kids love the snacks.  My 8 yr old flipped out and he was a different kid.  During one of them they were doing the Bingo card and they were listening for “sing”.  Then they tried to remember what their favorite primary song was and they all stood up with them and sang “I Am A Child of God.”
 
I love that you said ‘it was a moment’. 
 
Class member:  I started doing Conference things when I started taking your class awhile ago.  My kids will now say “I love Conference”.  My kids don’t do great through all of it, but they do great to start.  It’s made a big difference. 
 
Class member:  I did like K. Brett Nattress of the Seventy.  I like what he was talking about reading scriptures to your kids and he said that he wasn’t listening.  That really stuck with me.  I do it for awhile and then slack off and then start again.
 
We do it to make it consistent.  Over time the testimony is built.  We take our ques from the kids and let them be the parent instead of clinging to the promise.
 
Class member:  I have an Elder Nattress son.  He grumbles and just walks away if he doesn’t like it.  We ended up wood burning and our house smelled like camp fire, but he was there the whole time. 
 
When they are there they feel the Spirit.  Conference now is connected to ‘feel good’.  That is all we do in the beginning.  The ‘feel good’ will translate to ‘I want to know why’.  It will usually go to the music and then the talks.  We have to connect it so they will want to come.
 
Class member:  My husband told the kids we are going to talk about our favorite Conference talk.  I have 13, 11, 7, 5, baby.  At our FHE we started from the littlest to the biggest.  I learned that we need to not read cereal boxes while you are reading scriptures.  We get farther up the line and I was so amazed at what they really took in.  We talked about what principle came from that and how we could apply it to our life. 
 
What would be really interesting for you where they paid attention that you write down a summary of that FHE and the speaker was….then invite that child to give a FHE on their speaker on their talk.  Now we are putting them into it.  You show us what you would like us to underline.  You teach us the principles and help us set the goal for this talk.  The family cannot internalize those unless we break them up and focus on them individually.  Post it.  Put a picture and have a goal.  At the end of 6 months they feel so much empowerment because they chose it and they did theirs.  Now they are taking ownership for following the prophet.  That is where they internalize it.  When it’s theirs that’s when it because internalized in their testimony.  It says what our goal was and what we did.  When they see that cumulatively you can’t visualize your success.  That visual gives them hope and keeps them invested.  When we just preach and they can’t keep track it’s like playing basketball without a net.
 
Class member:  My 9 yr old twins listen through the closing prayer.  Their favorite part has been “has it been delicious to our souls’.  I want to have a FHE on feasting on the words of Christ.
 
Class member:  When I got home last week from class my friend posted a video of her granddaughter about 4 year olds.  She said tell us what you told us before.  We get lots of fruit loops.  In 4 days and then when that day passes its 3 days….then it’s General Conference!  She was so excited!
 
That’s what mother’s do to nurture. 
 
Class member:  Each child chooses 2 snacks one sweet and one not (chips).  We posted their 2 words and then they could pick a snack every time they hear the words. 
 
You are about 1/3 of the way there.  It’s not just about Conference days.  That has to happen, but that is the foundation for the next 6 months.  If they are excited about Conference and then it dies they have missed the point.  It simply opens the door for the opportunity to teach for the next 6 months.  It puts us all on the same page. 
 
I would invite you to be sure that each child has their own Ensign.  Write their name on it BIG.  They will leave it everywhere.  Invite them to read a Conference talk before they go to bed.  Invite them to find the page with the stories.  Invite them to use these when they give a talk.  Then you need to set goals and apply this.  It’s not just learning. 
 
Following the living prophets means we repent and change.  We do something.  We need to do something different/better.  That’s repentance.  It’s change to make us better.  Repentance should be used 100x a day.  We need to teach our children that repentance just means we are going to change and be a little bit better.  To set goals and use Conference for FHE lessons and have your children watch you following the prophets. 
 
From time to time you need to go online and use clips where ‘he’ is telling the story.  You are re-inviting your children to be familiar with them telling the story.
 
Don’t let Conference die!  It’s not just a twice a year experience.  If it stops with the goodies you eat during Conference you have missed the point.  They will be more receptive to receiving.  The purpose to create those happy moments
 
Class member:  Do “name the voice” Jeopardy.  See if they can recognize their voice. 
 
Make flash cards of the 15 and have them match them.  See who can name them all.  Do you know the order?  Do your children know if President Monson dies do they know how the First Presidency dissolves and who becomes the next president?  

​Homework: 

1. Read Elder Ballard’s Conference talk on “Family Counsels”.  I want you to read this and give yourself credit for what you are doing right.  My guess is that you are doing 2 or 3 of them correctly.  I want you to say you are doing something correctly. 

 
Last week we talked about Rites of Passage and Daily Order.  This dove tails into order and rites of passage. 
 
When you think about traditions your families had in growing up….Thanksgiving, birthdays, summer….what are your best memories.
 
Class member:  8 kids in our family and Dad would take one of us out for a breakfast each Saturday by ourselves.
 
Class member:  5th grade-high school we would get KFC on Labor Day.
 
Class member:  I am the youngest of 6.  I think they got tired and didn’t do it.  I can’t have anything. 
 
Class member:  I was the oldest of 10 and I was gone when they were doing those activities and I wasn’t part of them.
 
Our family has a family reunion and they do “Remember When…”  I love that!
 
There are 4 needs that every human being has. 

1. A need to feel like they belong
2. A need for a strong sense of identity, to know who they are
   1. As they belong in the group they still have to feel like they are an individual and bring that individuality to the group and their own identity. 
   2. One of my daughters never gained a sense of who she was as a person.  She was whatever she was doing instead of she was a strong individual who chooses to do something.
3. A need to feel accepted by others
4. A need for emotional and physical security
   1. Emotional security comes when you aren’t criticized or belittled. 

 
When you become an adult and you are feeling lonely or no one listens it usually boils down to you feeling a lack in one of these 4 areas.  If we can keep these things strong in our kids it will help keep our kids from feeling lost. 
 
The reality of a child is what they perceive.  It’s not necessarily true.  My daughter was accepted and loved, but she didn’t perceive her individuality as being important.  Her perception IS her truth!  You have to be continually be asking questions and watching to see what your children think about themselves.
 
The purpose of traditions is to cement the unique individuals together as they go back and say, “remember when…” they recognize themselves as being bonded and part of the family. 
 
The problem with traditions and you have a lot of family traditions and you marry someone with lots of family traditions.  Those things become ‘doctrine’ in your family.  When you try to mesh two concrete rights together there are conflicts.  Then you add ‘in-laws’ into the picture and it is hard.
 
Both Mike & I came from homes with no traditions so we had a whole lot of nothing.
 
One type is INTENTIONAL! 
 
Doing something over and over makes it a tradition.  One time is an event.
 
President James Faust said,
“Develop family traditions.  Some of the great strengths of families can be found in their own traditions, which may consist of many things: making special occasions of the blessing of children, baptisms, ordinations to the priesthood, birthdays, fishing trips, skits on Christmas Eve, family home evening, and so forth.  The traditions of each family are unique and are provided in large measure by the mother’s imprint.”  Ensign, May 1983)
 
Mothers tend to create these events.  We are more emotionally attached. 
 
One type is and EVENT that they WANT to happen again.
 
Example:  I have a sister that has boys.  She decided that on the last day of school they would have a whipped cream fight all over the back yard.  When school came to the end they asked if it would happen again.  
 
What you thought was an event becomes a tradition.  Some of them you plan and some of them just happen.  Those traditions bind your family together.
 
Ponder Questions:

1. What traditions do you have in your family?
2. What does your family do to play together?
3. Do you feel your family needs some new traditions?
4. Is smiling and being happy one of your daily traditions?

 
 
DAILY TRADITIONS:
What does your home smell like?   I asked my kids what they remembered and they said homemade bread.  They would eat 4 loaves of homemade bread every day.  They remember that smell.
 
What does your home sound like?  They said elevator music.  That’s what I liked to play.  The whole time they are growing up they hated it, but now that is what they play in their homes.
 
How do you meet and greet in your home?  Do you meet at greet?  Do you do it with a smile?  Are you happy?  Will your children remember that you were happy?  Were you focused…not mad, but focused?  Do you have dinner together every night?  FHE?  Family prayer?  Family scriptures?  Bedtime routine? 
 
EXAMPLE:  I used to have what I called my “hall of fame”.  It was a long hallway in our home with my children’s pictures on both sides.  On one side was their baby pictures, and on the other side I had fifty some pictures in varying sizes and frames.  Pictures of them doing things they loved.  The walls spoke of my love for them and my pride in them.
 
They watched themselves grow up on that hall and watched their success on their home.  Every one of their friends would look at those pictures.  It became a place visual and very public that they could acknowledge successes. 
 
I had their baby pictures on the other side of the hall.  I loved my babies and eventually changed them with wedding pictures.
 
Class member:  I didn’t realize this was a bedtime tradition until my son pointed it out.  My 3 yr old was helping me put down the 9 yr old down because he was sick and my 1 yr old needed a nap.  My 3 yr old said, “I love you.  Goodnight my princes.” 
 
That’s where I see traditions binding them together.
 
Their Eagle plaques and mission plaques hanging on the wall.  You don’t have to teach the lecture all the time. 
 
GENERAL CONFERENCE:
Some of you look at it like a day off from your calling.  Sometimes children don’t like it.
 
Conference needs to be something that your children are saying ‘When is Conference?” 
 
In these days we have to make our children yearn for the teaching of conference.  How do you make Conference so exciting for them they can’t wait for it to come?!?
 
In the beginning they aren’t going to come and listen to conference.  Your job is to create an environment, feeling, activities, atmosphere so that they want to be there more than anyone else. 
 
EXAMPLE:  My son would take an afghan and roll it up like a snake and make a circle.  That was his nest and no one can get in his place. 
 
Saturday was the day that I made special breakfast.  We had cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate and junk cereal.  Afternoon session was chips and dips, fruit, carrots.  When they were little you can go on lds.org and print out a Conference activity notebook.  They have Bingos in there.  They have candy for the bingo games. 
 
I would recommend before each conference you take the opportunity to learn about them First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve.  We talked about their life history.  We would play memory games.  I would have cards with just their name on it.  We would have contests to see who could put them in order the fastest.  Then when they speak at conference they can say…what was his name?  what did he do as a profession?  Under their pictures we would put the topic on there.  When the Ensigns came out they would each get their own issue.  We would use it for Family Devotional or FHE. 
 
Each child that is old enough have their own Conference Notebook.  It’s for taking notes at Conference.  It’s their and it’s individual.  I would put the pictures of the General Authorities where they see the 15 and they can identify who they are.  As little people they draw pictures and they get older they take notes. 
 
Put their Conference Notebooks away on a shelf.  The next Conference they write their notes for the next Conference. 
 
Consider actually going to the church for the Women’s Session or the Priesthood Session.  I would suggest you use that evening to go out for treats.  That makes them think it’s a really fun evening. 
 
Class member:  We started General Conference Apostle Dream team.  They would be assigned a color.  They would pick their first apostle and highlight their names.  When their apostle talked they got their activity or treat.
 
http://www.carleentanner.com/general-conference.html  (General Conference Traditions that have been submitted)
 
It takes effort to make Conference fun.  Whatever feelings they feel they transfer to the apostles.  You are creating the environment.  If I can help them feel loved when they come in now they come in and give me a hug and they miss me when I’m not there.  If I can help them feel that when they walk in the door then I have succeeded. 
 
HOMEWORK:
2.  Make this Conference special.
 
Class member:  My sister does a ‘tech fast’ before conference.  It’s interesting to see that they are on board. 
 
Class member:  I struggle because I’m not sure what the right answer is.  Sometimes people invite you over because it’s fun to do it together, but I feel like the kids are distracted and I don’t get as much out of it.  I don’t know what the best approach is. 
 
If you feel like you really want to be with this family you can invite them to FHE and have a great time.  Don’t sacrifice your family to help someone else have fun.
 
Class member:  There was a lady that commented on inviting a non-member neighbor to Conference.  It ended up being a good thing. 
 
You aren’t inviting them over to play.  The Spirit will prompt you to do what’s right.
 
BIRTHDAYS
Need to be made a big deal of.  The person needs to feel important. 
 
You can do a red plate.  The special person gets the plate.  You can buy a piece of birthday fabric.  In our home they picked breakfast and dinner and an activity for the family to do it. 
 
I hate birthday parties.  I don’t like inviting kids over and I don’t like my kids going over to other birthday parties.  I had a friend that changed the birthday party as a service project.  They tied a quilt and took it to a shelter.  They collected toys for the nursery. 
 
On special birthdays you can say we will have a ‘friend’ party as a rite of passage. 
 
I have a chair back cover that goes over the back of the chair.  During the day everyone writes a note to the bi
 
rthday person and put it in the pocket of the chair.  We would read those at the party.  If they got a gift from someone they had to say, “I love (the person giving the gift) because….”
 
Sometimes in our busy lives Mom buys the gifts and then the kids pick which present they want to give to the person.  When we buy the gifts because our kids are busy they aren’t thinking about the person. 
 
Let them do ‘pay’ jobs to earn the money and then take them to the Dollar Store.  Do this a few weeks in advance.
 
There is a birthday paper that the kids had to fill out about their favorite things.  It was a brief history of each year.  They love to look back at it. 
 
Class member:  The only thing I can remember is that my Mom gave us a ‘purity’ ring on their 18th birthday.  I write my kids a letter about special things they did that year.  My plan is to give it to them on the purity ring on their 18th birthday. 
 
Does that person feel really important? 
 
Class member:  I go to these parties that everything is so coordinated.  I finally decided to let my kids decorate their own birthday cakes.
 
VALENTINE’S DAY
Special “love” posters between kids.
 
CHRISTMAS
Mr. Peeps
http://creativehomemakers.blogspot.ca/2008/11/friday-fave-holiday-tradition-mr-peeps.html
 
Dear Lucy---Letter about Santa
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/16/no-longer-believing-in-santa/?_r=0
 
HOMEWORK:
#3 Post a ‘tradition’ to the website. http://www.carleentanner.com/traditions.html (Submit it on the form at this link).  You can then look at other traditions that people have submitted in previous years. 
 

​How was Conference?
 
Class member:  I did someone’s candy idea with the word.  It worked great.  Everything goes better with food.
 
Class member:  We talked about writing down questions that they had.  My 7 year old and 4 year we wrote down questions and then we all listened for the answers to the questions.
 
Class member:  I only see my kids every other week.  We did super nice Conference packets.  We printed off hard copies of everything.  We sent them to their Dads.  I had to pray that I could get through and get something out of Conference.  My sister comes to this class.  She got the venting text.  I woke up that morning and made cinnamon rolls by myself.  My kids did great.  They loved their packets. 
 
You are still bearing your testimony of Conference even when they aren’t there with you.  It’s hard when you can’t force others to feel the same way as you.
 
Class member:  My question going into Conference was, “How do I make her feel she is loved?”  She was invited to a slumber party Friday night and in our family we don’t do sleep overs.  We decided we would let her stay until 10:30pm which I felt was late for an 11 year old.  I was worried about how she was going to be the next morning during Conference.  She threw a tantrum saying, “It’s not fair!”  I kept thinking…Nevertheless…we don’t do sleepovers.  She apologized for her behavior.  Saturday she was rotten.  She got her consequences which she knew was going to happen.  I was expecting an epiphany, but the only thing that kept standing out to me was to keep doing what I’m already doing.
 
We do things the Stake President doesn’t even do.  That’s the comparison at our home.
 
Class member:  I usually dread General Conference weekend because my husband is gone on drill while I take care of 4 kids during General Conference.  I decided to do the candy conference idea.  My kids were really good and I got to hear what was said.  Sunday my kids wanted to change the words.  I had bought a small veggie tray and my kids loved that part.  We put one word for the whole tray.  One of the talks was ‘church’.  My kids were hovering over the veggies because every word was ‘church’ in one talk.  Our Primary had put together a packet for each of the kids.  The kids were excited. 
 
We are creating feelings about Conference.  It doesn’t mean that they are sitting and taking in everything they hear.  Are they going to be excited about it?  They are starting to internalize it.  If it takes food or a game doing that it’s good.  If it means that you don’t get to hear it and have to read it it’s worth it. 
 
Class member:  Even little kids still internalize what’s there. 
 
At our house, my brother came in with 5 smaller kids into my house.  I usually have some things prepared for them.  We in the middle of Conference fixed the kids lunch.  My husband works for a design center.  The adults all jumped in the car to go across town to pick out cabinets, tile, carpet.  We missed the whole 2nd session.  Our kids did not let us live it down.  Our kids + those 5 little ones watched Conference and took notes. 
 
When you create those kinds of things you are creating a testimony.  My 11 year old wanted to sit and listen.  Those feelings are good. 
 
Class member:  When I took this class many years ago, I understood how to do Conference.  Our now 11 year old can’t wait for Conference.  We had an experience in our family last week that really strengthened my testimony.  Our 11 year old son came home from school a couple days before Conference and wanted to invite our non-member neighbors over for Conference.  I told them you were going to make cinnamon rolls.  He knew the entire day.  It was just a ‘normal’ day.  He wanted his friends to be part of our ‘normal’.  We put on a big spread and then talked a little about apostles and prophets.  I pulled out the little conference things that they used to have when they were little.  All the other boys jumped in the nest and played legos with him.  We didn’t know that the tradition we created affected him so much.  He wanted to share those feelings with the neighbors.
 
Our children have started praying for President Monson without even asking.  My children are saying “Mom will he be here next conference?”  It’s hard as Mom’s.  we get to do a lot.  The things we teach are invaluable.  I feel like Elder Renlund that said, “I feel weak.”  I feel just like him trying to teach my Mom’s class. 
 
This is what I grew up with.  She is a master teacher.  I would never presume that I can talk for a whole conference session by myself. 

Conference…What did you hear? Learn? Families go?  How was it?

Class member:  1st talk of Saturday morning…to not think kids don’t have the intellect to understand.  In the past I have just let them do their thing, but I have activities this time that kept them close.  We painted our pumpkins and had a word search.  Ages 7, 3, 1 all got through 4 sessions of Conference

Class member:  The difference of accepting and tolerating.  We are all equally loved. 

One of the challenges you have is living in this world of accepted sin to teach tolerance and acceptance, but still teach sin.  It’s hard to not teach tolerance for sin.  It’s necessary.

Class member:  My 4 year old is in ballet.  When they take their papers in they get a prize.  This time it was a rub on tattoo.  She said she wanted a tattoo like her aunt.  They had to visit about that.  

Class member:  That was very much a message to me through conference.  God’s laws are God’s laws and they don’t change.  The laws of the land may change, but God’s laws don’t.  We are teaching our children & teenagers, and it’s something we need to teach them over and over everyday. 

Class member:  My hard thing with my 15 year old boy is making friends that have earrings.  As a parent at first I freaked out.  I believed I knew where they were heading, but I shouldn’t judge them.  I don’t want my son being around that.  I’m still learning.

Class member:  Our roles as women on Sunday afternoon.  When the laws of the land change ours don’t.  Those of us that are stay at home moms how important it is to still have that role as mother.  That is what we are supposed to do.  It was interesting that 100s of women showed up to Priesthood session and weren’t allowed in.  Our role isn’t diminished because we don’t have the priesthood. 

Class member:  We started the week before where we prepped for conference.  I made a poster and talked about the 1st presidency and quorum of the 12.  The kids saw it all week.  My 7 year old was into conference being busy doing things.  We did get a lot more out of it.  The family night afterwards we went through and were going to do what the 12 talk about. 

Have them pick a talk or a story that they like and have them share it as FHE.  They can tell the principle and make it work.  When it comes from them.  That’s where they learn. 

Class member:  Gummy Bear Treasure Hunt

Class member:  We gave every family in Primary a copy of the Ensign.  We tried to encourage them to read it.  Maybe we need to do one more step and have them do a treasure hunt. 

Class member:   I would get frustrated because I couldn’t hear.  After last year I decided that they needed to find 2-3 things in each talk and we would sit together and everyone tells us what those things were and they get a treat.  My 5 year old can’t write or read so I printed off a thing for each of the 12 apostles and he had to color them.  I let my 2 year old color and stuff.  At  the end was the blessings come after conference.  The blessings come when we act on it.  This year I wanted everyone to pick something from all the things we learned that they felt like they needed to work on.  So we all did them.  I was so happy that my daughter picked the thing I wanted her to pick.  She recognized that.  She needed to work on that . She had gotten that in her life and it needed to change.  I made a “Prayer roll” on a chalk board.  I have them write down what it is that we want to pray about.  It’s changed the way we prayer.  We had all these things that say please bless.  My husband said we needed to change it and say things we are grateful.  The kids have made notebooks and they put 3 gratitudes and a CTR moment in them each day.

Change in percentages.  You don’t have to be perfect.  Work toward it one step at a time.

My quote for this conference is… “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith”.  President Uchtdorf General Conference October 2013

The other thing that struck me in general… as we got all these talks about women and our roles and priesthood session televised.  As I read through my notes I got a ‘feeling’ about conference for me.  These women you saw in the news they are calling themselves the ordained women of the church.  The leader is from Washington DC and is an attorney a member of the church.  They are showing their rebellion with dress pants to church.  There were about 200 of them at the Priesthood session of conference.  One at a time they turned them away.  The women spokesman for the church spoke to each one of them and said, “We’re sorry.”  The church stood and they didn’t get in.

I don’t know if that’s why it was broadcast.  They read the letter and encouraged them to go to the Stake Centers.  A lot of people chose to still watch it.  Same thing with women in the women’s conference.  These women profess to have testimonies of the gospel, but are unwilling to follow the prophet.  They want to change the structure of the church.  Almost all the original 12 fell away from the church was caused by them not agreeing with the prophet.  Jesus Christ sets the standard.  As we go through these last days I felt the message ‘to follow the prophet.’  As we come into even more disturbing times the church will be cleansed from the inside out.  We are going to receive outside pressure, but it will be from the inside out. 

I think you will find a lot of ‘causes’ sent out.  You might be tempted because they are sounding logical and good.  Be careful!  Doubt your doubts, but don’t doubt your faith.  Be careful who you choose to follow.  There are slick tongued female Korihors out there.  Every principle evaluate it against the prophets, your testimony, and light.  You will be tempted.  You have to decide up front where you are going to stand and then stand true!  Stand firm!  Stand strong!  There is going to be some tough things.  My mindful and don’t think it won’t happen to you.  It can.  Say your prayers every day and read your scriptures every day.  Your scriptures are your shield.  Do it!  There is no activity or sleep that is more important. 

Class member:  I teach Relief Society.  I did a lesson on priesthood.  It was about the word ‘helpmeet’.  What I learned is that word only appears in the scriptures once.  There is not a word that directly translates.  It is that ‘men and women are equal, but not the same.’  It is like looking at each other as if you were looking in the mirror….equal, but not the same. 

Those are women that have hearts that are hard and closed. 

Do you feel good about being a woman?  I want you to know that women have given from the pre-existence more power than men.  Power being the power to influence.  Whose responsibility is it to nurture marriage?  We have been blessed with the capacity to do it.

Class member:  From one of the talks…with women that have small children, not being able to focus on the sacrament.  The mom took the time on Saturday afternoon to think about what needed to be changed so they were prepared to take the sacrament.

When we take the sacrament we are actually renewing all our covenants. 

I want to know how Conference went.  Did your kids listen?  Were you frustrated?  What messages rang to you?  What was the theme?  What hit you?

Class member: I had a good experience.  I have 4 children 11, 10, 5, 2.  We had a FHE on Monday and recap some things they learned.  My 10 & 11 yr old both talked about Elder Holland’s talk and how powerful it was, about “I believe…”  We had a great discussion.

Class member:  I have a 5 & 3 yr old.  I had prepared with packets & treats.  I had a high expectation.  It didn’t go so well.  I think feeling like I had prepared for it and was just really frustrated.  Instead of feeling like I had answers I felt like I had more questions.  Reflecting on the way I was raised. 

My suggestion is you did better than you think.  What you taught them wasn’t necessarily what they got from the prophets.  They learned this time that Conference is important to you.  Next time, they will be more inclined to listen to what’s said.  When you do something different they don’t always jump on board.  Give yourself at least 3 Conferences before you make any value judgments about it. 

Class member:  We had the same experience.  This was the second Conference that I made a big deal out of it.  This time did the same thing with lower expectations.  My 3 year old I thought she was somewhere else.  She stopped and asked “What is crucifixion?” 

It’s like reading scriptures with 2 year olds.  They run around and jump up and down.  They don’t get anything out of it except that it’s important.  That is ok.

Class member:  It’s torture most of the time.  It’s overload.  We feel like screaming.

Conference is like taking a drink from a fire hose.  Focus on something for the 6 months. 

Class member:  If I simplify it and come up with a one liner from each talk it makes it easier.

Class member:  This is probably the best Conference ever.  I have 1 in college & older kids, then 7 ½ year gap.  Everything is about adaptation.  This is the 3rd Conference I’ve done this.  Everyone has a lunch sack.  There is a different treat.  They had healthy snacks.  We had pictures of the the apostles on the lunch sacks with treats in them.  I took the challenge.  I had 3 questions.  I came away with answers and didn’t feel overloaded.  I wasn’t trying to take notes.  The highlight was at the end of Conference.  My 3 year old said I have to listen to him it’s President Monson.  She sat through his entire talk.  It’s always been a rule before they were baptized they have to listen to President Monson. 

Class member:  The last several years I was taught to ask those questions before I went to Conference.  Every time I get answers.  I didn’t take many notes.  I had the questions in my mind and just sat back and listened.  I turn Conference on my computer while I’m cleaning.  I can listen to one each day.  I learned so much more by going back.  I put a speaker in the bathroom and plug my phone in and listen to a Conference message while I’m getting ready.  I have one in college this year.  I have an 8 yr old. We’ve always done Conference bingo the first session, but not the 2nd session.  We had missionaries.  One of the missionaries brought out his own Conference Bingo card and his own candy.  It was what he had done at home.

Class member:  I have a 3 year old and one on the way.  This year compared to last year.  The week before Conference we had a media fast for a week before.  He was glued to the TV because it was back on.  That was Saturday.   Sunday he was squirmy.  He saw us with the actual Book of Mormon instead of Ipads.  Through Sister Tanner’s class I have learned the importance of having the spirit present when teaching our children. So, after having similar experiences as what the previous women shared- I decided this time around to focus on providing the spirit over what the expectations of my outcome. So, this time around I instead of focusing on the activities my child would be doing during conference- I focused more on the experience of preparing for conference a week ahead of time and that is what made the biggest difference this time around. I wanted to feel the spirit and trust that the spirit will touch their hearts if I invited it in our home.

On the website in the store if you are interested are the pictures of the 15 Apostles.  They are business card size.  It has the picture and the name.  I have them on the fridge.  I have the teenagers put them in order.  To identify who they are.  You have to give a fact about their lives. 
Class member:  I did everything you said and even went to the temple, as soon as I got back from them temple all heck broke loose at my house.  My kids were sitting there with their stuffed animals and food.  Saturday I just didn’t get my questions.  When Elder Uchtdorf stood up and read from my the book of my life.  I got a better answer than I actually asked.  The point is you just keep going and eventually you get the answers you need in a time that is good for them.

What’s really interesting in the way the Lord works.  He gives us answers when he knows we are ready for them.  As we continue to be obedient, it prepares us to receive answers that we don’t always know we had the question for.  You have to be open for him to hear.

Class member:  I went with 2 questions.  One was about marriage.  I was amazed that my questions was specifically answered more in the other talks than the marriage talks. 

Question:  Why would it be important to go with a question?  Is it the question? 

Answer:  So that you are preparing yourself to be ready to receive what the Spirit is going to give you.  The exercise of formulating that question helps your spirit prepare to receive.  That act of them saying it is what opens the door.  Your act of writing down a question is that act of faith that invites the Spirit.  You may or may not receive the answers to the questions you asked.  Every section of the D&C was given in answer to a question. 

I have often asked myself if I had the opportunity to go sit at the feet of the Savior for 45 minutes what questions would I ask?  I think I would just sit there and be speechless, but we have to have the confidence to formulate the questions.

The first vision is the answer to a questions.  We have to seek answers so we can be talk. 

Class member:  We subbed my 7 yr olds class, If you could sit at the feet of the Savior.  They had millions of questions.  My husband and I didn’t even know what we would ask.  It was a reminder to be like children. I think we over think it and think we have to ask a profound question instead of simple.

I think little people would have a dozen questions. 

In this day we are stressed, but if we look at other places of the world they are calm.

Two months ago I was in Africa, and the images of our beautiful African sisters are still vivid in my heart and mind. Their countenances reflect the image of Christ. When they pray, they pray. It's as though they reach right through the veil and talk to a trusted Friend. And despite severe temporal challenges, they are happy. By the world's measure, they have nothing-except happiness. By contrast, many of us have everything-except happiness. Their optimism springs from a bedrock faith in Jesus Christ, to whom they have given their hearts. I've found myself wondering who the Lord is most concerned about-those whose temporal challenges are extreme but whose hearts are fixed on Him, or those who have more things of this world but who haven't offered their whole souls unto Him (Omni 1:26). Hunger may be a problem in Africa, but our sisters there aren't starving spiritually.  Sheri Dew

Things that cause stress....

• The necessity to take care of things plus the desire to have more things. 
• The need to provide things for our children is stressful. 
• Things can provide stress. 
• Behavior provides stress. 
• Behavior of family members, spouse, or ourselves. 
• Health issues. 
• Loss of jobs. 
• The sins of someone else that have a ripple effect back to us and sadness from that.

Think for a moment about what things in your life right now are causing you the greatest stress.  Write down the things that are causing you the most stress.

I want you to look at them for a minute.  Some of those things I am sure you have absolutely no control over.  You can’t take away someone else’s agency.  Other thing (weight) I have control over.  There are things you have influence on. 

Example:  If your husband is out of work you can’t go get him a job, but you can motivate, cheer for him, sustain him.  Even though it is stressful you have a lot of ability to help in that situation. 

I want you to look at your situations. The one you have absolutely do not have control over.  Those you have absolute control over come up with a plan.  The things that you have influence over look at what you can do and let go of the rest. 

Some of our stress is caused by unreal expectations.  If I pray, fast, be good enough I can have power to change my child.  That is not true!  That takes away agency.  You can’t take that away.  If you do those things you have the right to revelation to help that child, but you cannot be good enough to change the child or your spouse.  Some of you have spouses that aren’t following with enough faith that you have.  In that situation, you have power to influence, but too often we feel like if we can’t change the situation we feel guilty.  You have to give up the guilt.  You stay to influence for good, but your success is not whether or not they change.  They have the right to make their own choices to change or not change. 

The other thing that is high stress in women, particularly if you are blue, if I know something is right then why am I not doing it.  I am guilty and must be a bad person.  The truth is you will always know more than you have the ability to do.  ALWAYS!!! 

It’s like a train going down a track at night.  That light illuminates way in front of the train.  As the train moves the light moves out further.  That is exactly the way it is with you.  Your life and spirituality are moving.  As you move down the train track of spiritual life and development the Lord gives you more light and knowledge.  You qualify for it.  If you evaluate yourself on whether you do as much as you know you will always fall short.  This is always moving in a forward direction.  That causes you a great deal of guilt, let it go.  Live accordingly to what you know is right.  You can’t do it all, but you can do something and seek to move forward, know that your light will always be ahead of you and that is ok. That is what makes you seek to keep moving. 

With that being said there are a couple of things I want to bring out.  Do you remember the counsel in heaven?  We don’t know much about that counsel.  As we came to that vote we had a clear understanding of what would happen.  We also knew that when we came to earth we would have trials.  We would have temptations.  We would have pain.  We would have suffering.  As we stepped up to learn about this the Savior made it clear that he would also be available to help us through the pain, give us hope, wipe away our sins, always be there to answer our prayers and teach us where to go.  As we stood there knowing the sacrifice the Savior was willing to make we said I can do that if you will really be there.  I can do it with you.  I think we were emphatic in our desire to do that.  We knew with him we could do it. 

What happened? Sometimes we don’t think we can do it.  You don’t ask for the trials.  They come by themselves.  However, I’m equally sure that if we could see the plan as clearly now as we saw it then we would make the same vote even knowing what trials we had.  Even knowing I might lose a child, be abused, spouse falls away from church, not have a good job, lose health…even knowing that we would vote the same.

There are thing we can do to help us in this process. There are several ways to handle stress and adversity.  How do you deal with stress and/or adversity?

He wanted to run away and let someone else deal with it for him.  Do you do this?

They wanted to attack with anger.  Do you do this?

He sought the Lord in humble prayer and asked for protection.  

I did everything right, how can this happen?!?  We did everything we were commanded.  Look at the situation and translate it into our experiences.  This is a righteous people who are having horrible adversity.  The way they handled it is mind boggling. 

They submitted with cheer and humility

Laman & Lemuel murmured.  Do we murmur? Nephi did not.  It’s not that he knew the answer.  He just went and did and had faith that the Lord would open the door.  He didn’t go back anticipating to kill Laban.  If you are moving in faith the Lord can open a door.  You have to be moving in faith. 

Nephi acknowledges and gives credit to the Lord.  In stress and adversity we need to recognize and give credit to the Lord.  We need to find his hand as we go along.

Joseph Smith in jail.  It couldn’t have been worse.  “Lord what am I supposed to learn.”  He accepted what the Lord had for him. 

As we are in adversity help comes in increments.  We want to have a video.  Could you just show me the video so I can see the end then I can go through it.  I’ve never had the video.  Let me just show you what to do in this next hour.  Let me just hold you in this minute so you can go on for the next hour and carry those that you need to carry.  With faith in the Lord you can go the next hour.  He will lift you.  Don’t expect him to show you the end of the video.  I did 10 years down the road.  It took a long time to come to the end of it.  There are things in it that we can do. 

You are absolutely in control of this!  In crisis, struggles, problems, where do we focus our mind?  We focus on what I can’t do and what I don’t have.  We go there and are miserable because of the pain.  As you think about all that you can’t do and it’s not fair how do you feel?  Can’t you just feel it?  You feel helpless and hopeless and it gets deeper and deeper until you feel like there is no way out.  You believe it’s true, you believe the Savior can help you.  We get so far in the whole that it’s hard for the Savior to reach down and life you out.  He is standing there saying Come!.  We are saying I just want to stay here a little longer. 
You change your thoughts from what you can’t do to what you can do.

The 4 chains Satan uses during adversity….

• Disappointment

• Discouragement
• Depression
• Despair

All of those 4 “D”’s are consequences of negative thoughts.  They come as we invite in, ponder on, and have constant companionship with those thoughts of Satan. 

As you pray in your trials this is the answer the Lord gives….

If you are heavy hearted go to your knees.  You don’t ask that the trial will be over.  You ask that your souls may be joyful.  In the midst you will find joy.  That joy is what brings peace and happiness.  It is centered in the Lord and faith.  It is centered in knowing the gospel is true.

Henry Erying "Mountains To Climb"  May 2012 Ensign

The BOM teaches that he will prepare away for us to get out of the trial.  It is usually through it.  In the process the Lord will change our hearts.

Jesus had just fed the 5000 and he told his disciples to get into a ship and he would meet him.  They obeyed.  They rowed out into the lake.  He was praying in the mountain.  The disciples were in a ship and a storm comes up.  There is a canyon and those winds are incredible.  They stir up the Sea of Galilee.

They are experienced fishermen.  This storm scared them.  The 4th hour is between 3-6am.  Every moment as they are watching these waves, its raining and blowing and dark.  They are frightened for their life.  The Savior has been in the mountain praying.  He knows the storm is there.  He is feeling it too.  He allows them to stay in the trial.  Then as the morning hour comes they see him walking on the water. 

He said come.  This storm is horrendous.  Peter is willing to step out of the ship into the storm.  Do you know how scary that is.  The ships bad, but it’s a little bit of safety.  They haven’t gone down yet.  He has enough courage to get out of the ship.  As he gets out his focus in only on the Savior.  He starts walking on the water to the Savior.  His thoughts go to the storm and how high the waves are around him and how frightening the wind is.  As soon as he takes his eyes off the Savior he begins to sink.

Where are we in our trials?  We lose sight of the Savior and he would say, “Why did you doubt?  I was there.  I was with you.  You were coming.”  That for a period after the Savior helped him out of the water, they continued to walk together to the ship in the storm.  The Lord walks with us in our storm.  When they got to the ship then the storm ceased.  In crisis the Savior will walk with us if we have faith.  Then we can have peace. 

1.  Look at your life.  What the crisis is.  Then in all aspects of your life SIMPLIFY

Example:  Ashley just had twins.  It is great stress.  She needs to simplify her life.  This is not the time to be making Christmas PJs, spending 3 days in the temple, canning bushels of peaches.  You can’t do all that.

This is the time to simplify.  You may have to put away things you like…your hobbies, 2 ½ hours a day on Pinterest, reading novels, watching TV shows regularly.  There may be things you have to do away with that are pleasureable to you, but they are not essential.  It’s more important that you simplify your life.  Make sure that you don’t cut out the big rocks.  Family/personal prayer, Family/personal scripture study, FHE, Temple attendance.

2.  Problem ownership
Don’t waste time worrying about things you can’t change.  Those things you have power over you need to do.  Those things you don’t lay at the feet of the Lord.

3.  Increase your spiritual strength daily
Every day you arise ask the Lord for guidance and then do what he tells us.

2 Nephi 32:3

4.  Develop an attitude of gratitude
Remember Remember Elder Eyring

Pray that you will see it.  The Lord is mindful of you.  Just because he doesn’t take you out of the problem doesn’t mean he isn’t mindful.  Rarely does he remove us from the trial quickly.

5.  Develop faith, hope, and charity.
It goes back to the formula…. PT-->Pf-->PA-->PC
We function on clinging to “I know that my redeemer lives”

6.  In your darkest hours keep the Sabbath day holy.
The whole day

7. Live with integrity.   

8.  Seek constant education
Get a book to learn.  Take a class.  Learn something new.  Don’t stay mired in your hole.  

9.  Take time to sharpen the saw. 
Fill your emotional bucket.  Talk to someone who is positive and happy.  Do something that is joyful.  Don’t lose yourself, but do activities that lift you and give you strength.

10. Stay in contact where someone loves you unconditionally.

11. Give service

12. Spend time in nature.

13. Listen to good music.

We ask the question “Why me?”

It is not ours to ask that question.  It is an though we are reflecting opposition to the Lord.  Rather than expressing humility and living in humility.  They create an opposition to God.

Example:  My husband is inactive, won’t attend church, won’t do FHE. 

Question #1:  What am I to do?  Stop focusing on what he won’t do and focus on what you will do.  You pray about that and the answer will probably come back love him.  Your response to that is How can I love him when we won’t do what a priesthood leader is supposed to do?  You pray again.  The answer is love him.  I want to change him so he will be good.  The Lord is saying that’s not your option.  Within your power you can love him and as you love him he has courage to change himself.  Your job is to love him.  You might pray and say “Show me how to love him when I don’t love him.”

Question #2: What am I to learn?  The minute I start saying the problem is him.  Who has the problem.  Me.  I’m prideful, self righteous.  What am I to learn?  Humilty, compassion, love.  Do I need to repent?  You bet!  I am no better than he is if that is my mentality.  I lose the privilege of revelation unless I repent.

Question #3:  What am I to change?  My heart.  I need to be humble, submissive.  I need to not demand that he be like me.  I need to change a lot. 

Question #4:  Who am I to help?  Him and my children.  He is discouraged.  He’s carrying a load.  He is in a lot of pain.  Ask the Lord, “How can I bless him? Help me understand his burden so I can help him carry the load.” 

It focuses all your energy on how can I improve.  Instead of saying I’m helpless and hopeless.  You need to not choose to stay in the hole for putting him there.  Sin causes stress.  Is his sin causing me adversity and stress?  YES, but it’s his sin.  It’s causing my choice to be that I’m sinning.  I’m blaming him, but I’m choosing to sin because I am being self-righteous and condemning him.  My responsibility is to forgive 70x7. 

There is a bunch that is for us to learn from.  The other part I want to testify to you is that you will have adversity/stress.  Some of you may be at his moment walking in a lovely valley of peace.  Things are really good right now…your children, your marriage, your life.  I say to you enjoy it because it won’t last.  Part of mortality…the purpose of mortality is to see in hard things if we will stay focused on the Lord.

1. God uses problems to guide us.  

Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make a change. 

 

Class member:  When I was younger I used to think that God was doing it to me.  I used to blame him.  It was natural consequences of my actions, or unfortunate circumstances. 

 

The thing is not to blame him, but to rely on him and the power of the Atonement.

 

2. God uses problems to inspect you.  “People are like tea bags.  If you want to know what’s inside them drop them in water.”  What do those problems reveal about you?

 

3. God uses problems to correct you. 

Some lessons are learned only through pain or failure.

 

4.  God uses problems to protect you.  A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it protects you from something that could be worse. 

 

We are all going to have a “Rocky Ridge” like Martin’s Cove.  How are we going to stand next to Joseph Smith if we haven’t passed those tests.  Those tests are to help us individually become sanctified.  As we use the tests to come closer to him and say, “thy will be done.”  Someday we can stand clean and pure before him.  I testify that you will have trials, but it’s not because God doesn’t love you.  It’s because he wants to show you his presence.  He will help you walk on water.