Carleen Tanner's Positive Parenting
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Follow up:  Service

10/24/2017

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​Class member:  We have an older man in our ward that is blind that we take to church.  My son said we need to go pull his weeds.  My daughter is saying we need to go rake leaves.  She went and helped this week.  Sometimes I say, “We need to do that.” But then I put it off. 
 
Class member:  Last week was really hard for me.  I went home and thought I need to make some changes.  2 weeks ago when my kids were out of school there was a “Compassion” experience to learn about how kids around the world live.  My kids loved it.  We get to the end and they have all these children’s pictures hung up and now they want me to sponsor a kid.  I shut it down.  I didn’t have a good answer.  I thought I robbed him of that.  He was really excited to serve.  I turned it around this week.  I went to the websites justserve.org and we found 2 activities that are now on our schedule.  I turned it around.  It was a good guilt.  He doesn’t see the benefit of the Humanitarian money that we send.
 
Class member:  When we did our family mission statement it was when the hurricanes were happening.  My 5 yr old wanted “helping others” in there.  We used our last name as the acronym and we used “serve others”.  She is finding at least one thing a day that she can do to serve.  I see my daughter, me and my husband on other ends of the service spectrum.  We live 2 blocks away from an Assisted Living Home.  I know that they get a lot of visitors around the holidays, but not other than that.  I know there were some people that have never had visits from family.  Once a month or every other week for a year we are going to go.  Right now we are just going to visit.  I’m sure we will make connections and adopt a few. 
 
Children want to form a relationship.
 
Class member:  I had a lady come up to me on Sunday and she said, “I watch your boys every week pass the sacrament.”  She said you know this sister that is in the wheelchair, “Are you aware that they pick up the bread and put it in her hand and pick up the cup and give it to her.  They are the only ones that do it.”  I don’t know that I have ever sat down and talked to them about service, but I have pushed them a lot about serving being their priesthood duty. 
 
Service can be part of who they are.  We want the service assignments to transfer into who they are.  That’s the heart of service. 
 
Class member:  I had the assignment sheet passed around last week and I was able to go back and think about where my heart was when I originally signed up, but then this week I was able to do it and I realized that my heart had changed. 
 
Class member:  The homework by Lynn Robbins was really good for me.  We have been working on encouraging our 11 yr old child.  She is a child that is harder to love.  We have been praying to see her as our Heavenly Father sees her.  In the last couple of weeks she is doing better.  We finally feel like there is hope.  It felt like there was nothing getting through to her.  I found comfort in the words of Lynn Robbins.  It was refreshing when I asked her to do something she said ‘sure mom.’
 
It’s interesting when we get that down it changes both of us…the child and you.  You have control over your change, but not hers.  As we change, the environment changes, and then they choose to change.
 
Class member:  While reading that talk I thought of my child that was a little bit harder too.  I had a different perspective.  I figured my attitude toward him with service could be a bit better.  I thought I serve my child all the time, but I need to serve him with a different heart. 
 
We are working to change our heart.  We may be doing the same deed, but if our heart is different it’s different.
 
Class member:  Last week in the Thursday night class you said to relate the “Be’s” back to the Savior?  They are having a fit with tying it back to the Savior.  Do we have to relate it back to the gospel?  Is it just a teenage thing?
 
When you tie it back to the Savior they realize that the gospel is not a ‘subject’.  If you teach the Plan of Happiness it IS their life.  Everything flows into it.  School and home and church flow into the Plan of Happiness.  The journey is the Plan of Happiness.
 
If your children feel like that then back off using the Savior’s name a little bit.  You don’t teach your children, “Would the Savior hit?”  Instead teach “The Savior is kind.”  Don’t use the Savior as a rod to beat them up by.  It just depends on how you say it or use it. 
 
Class member:  The biggest thing I took away from the talk was him talking about separating that what they did wrong is who they are.  When my daughter was very young a friend was over and when her child misbehaved she called her over and said, Was that a good choice?  No.  What could you do different?  How about we try that next time. 
 
Separate the deed from the person.  That love needs to be expressed.  
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    Carleen Tanner

    Notes from classes and other information will be posted here.  Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared.  You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question.

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