Communication

3/5/2015

Below are my notes from the Communication class. At the end of class Sister Tanner handed me 2 different papers. One was "10 Keys to Building Relationships of Trust." The other was 6 Homework Items. They are included in the document below.

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There are only 2 classes left of this semester.
3-12-15 Morality
3-19-15 Marriage

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13 Comments

Alissa Thompson

3/5/2015 01:40:53 pm

I've been thinking about how I can strengthen my relationship with my 2 year old daughter. I feel like I'm just on her all the time and I have a really hard time filling up her "emotional bank account" more than I empty it. My husband suggested I go into her room and hang out with her for a little bit at night while she's sleeping and think about how much I love her. I read the 10 rules on building relationships of trust and I realized I should be in there praying for her (pray for your children specifically is one of the rules.) So I did that tonight. I held her hand and said a prayer asking forgiveness and strength to do better tomorrow. It brought me to tears. And then I looked at her and had so much love for her and the stage that she is in NOW. Not when she gets older and communicate better and doesn't throw tantrums anymore. I couldn't help but want time to stop so she can't get any bigger. It was an amazing experience, and that was only the first day of doing it. I want to make this part of my routine. So we'll see how it goes! Thanks sister Tanner for all you teach me!

Kelleejean

3/9/2015 01:22:55 pm

My heart was touched during our lesson on communication. I was grateful to be taught some new ways to communicate because I had a great opportunity to put my new knowledge to the test. My 6 year old son was super upset and very sad when I picked him up from school the other day. He told me he had a bad day. I asked as many questions as I could think of but I was not really getting in. I knew that by just going home he would remain the same so I drove him and my other boys straight to the park. He asked "what are we doing here?" I said to play of course. His face lite up with joy and he totally changed. We all had a wonderful time playing together and the night went a whole lot better. He opened up a little that night. I was happy to have really listened to him, to what he really needed at that moment. I know that by improving my communication skills I will be able to hear my children as they are calling and then I can start to get into their hearts.

Sarah

3/10/2015 06:53:02 am

When Sister Tanner was talking about communication between husband and wife--that a husband wants to fix things and the wife just wants him to listen--it reminded me of a quote I heard once: "A woman just wants to hear what she thinks in a lower octave."

Liz

3/10/2015 07:45:12 am

I have never been the best communicator and this is something I have worked hard to fix about me over the course of my marriage. I have spent the last few days REALLY listening to my husband when he talks. I cannot believe what a difference it had made in my relationship with him. He is coming home from work in a better mood because he knows that after we get the kids to bed, I will spend time just listening to him talk about his day. He then spends time listening to me talk about my day. It is giving us things to focus on in our home and really changed the way we are praying together at night. I am going to spend the next week or so trying to do this with my older teenagers. I am going to ask better questions and really listen to their responses and work on building a better, more trusting relationship?
Also, as a side note, if you have not been going home and reading the articles that are at the bottom of the syllabus at the end of each lesson, I would recommend doing so. It has given me a lot to think about and ponder each day as I am studying my scriptures and my conference talks.

Sara Gyllenskog

3/10/2015 08:57:17 am

I enjoyed this lesson so much!!! It seems to be harder and harder to have one on one time with the children as they get older and busier. I try really hard to take advantage of times when we are alone, whether it be taking them to soccer, being there when they get home from school or taking the on an errand with me.
Last Sunday, my 14 year-old got frustrated and angry about something. Usually we respond somewhat harshly because he tends to slam things and damage property when he's angry. This time when I went to address the situation, instead of being angry with him, I suggested we go for a walk. His countenance and attitude changed instantly! We had a fabulous talk about his plans for school and things he wants to do. I was grateful for the opportunity this gave me to show that I loved my child. To listen to him!

Rachel

3/10/2015 01:54:57 pm

These comments were soo good. Thank you to those who commented. I appreciate them and am learning so much from others experiences and tips. I too am grateful for this lesson as this is definitely one of my weak areas. I have so much to learn and am grateful for all that was taught last week to help build and strengthen my relationships. I was never taught any communication other than anger and hatred. I had no positive influence in this area and thought growing up I would be different because I saw the awful communication between my parents and family. But I have learned that I didn't know how to communicate well at all and that it has been challenging to learn and change my ways. I am so grateful to learn positive ways to communicate. Its been incredible to discover how hearts can be softened if you can approach a conversation or situation with patience love and a desire to understand. So grateful for all I'm learning.

And boy- has talking to my son the night before about what he needs to do in the morning time, totally changed our situation with him. It never occurred to me to discuss the situation with him the night before but that made all the difference. There's no fighting and discussion in the morning time which always used to waste more time!! He LOVES talking with me at night about what's going to happen the next day and what is expected of him. I just have to say I am sooo proud of myself this morning that I didn't yell or get mad at him for wasting his time and dinking around. His consequence was that he had to ride his bike to school alone ( I ended up riding with him because if his heart) and he was late and got a tardy. By not yelling at him it made it his responsibility and it was awesome and a huge learning experience for both me and him. Seems like I'm always a week behind in learning and applying the classes, but I also had some great conversation building experiences as well.

Tamara

3/11/2015 02:18:41 am

Yay Rachel! That's so great! Sometimes it's hard to keep patient- what a great example!

Tamara

3/11/2015 02:38:47 am

I had baby #4 at the very beginning of summer vacation. The older ones were 7, 5, and 3 (odd years!) and I got so tired of the whiny "mom!" cry. I had on repeat the phrase "Tell him what he did, how it made you feel, and what you want him to do about it." I tried to teach them that a lot of times, the other one didn't know that what they did or said had hurt or offended them and that they could communicate and work it out. I think we've built on that through the years, but I always learn new things in class- thanks so much!

Alissa Thompson

3/11/2015 01:08:13 pm

I liked what sister tanner taught about assuming that we understand people when they talk to us. I realized I do that a lot. I tried asking my husband more questions this week when he would come to me with problems and it helped me understand him and get to know him better. It was a pretty cool experience for me because I thought I already knew everything about my husband.

Amanda

3/11/2015 01:41:54 pm

So I'm thinking that after so many weeks in this class that I should be pretty awesome by now right? Well it has been a really tough week and I think I've spent a total of 2 hours at "level 0" nevertheless somethings have gone well and I wanted to share. I've got 6 kids 10 and under and my husband travels for work so one on one time is often hard to come by. So I tried the 10 min. per kid bedtime and then 30 min. with the one that gets to stay up late. I told the kids about it at dinner one night and they were so excited. I was surprised how excited they were! I'm impressed how much easier it is to get them all to bed now! They each are so excited about their turn and are respectful of the other kids turns too. I also really enjoy having that time with one kid and especially to just have fun with them, without worrying about "fixing" or teaching or working on anything and no electronics. I love it!

Amanda

3/11/2015 01:49:44 pm

I wanted to share that actually happened a couple of weeks ago after several nights of difficult bedtime hours. I lay down by a couple of my girls that had contributed to the difficulties and said to them, "Tell me what your perfect bedtime would look like." They really weren't sure and didn't have much to say so I said, "Well for me this is what I would love bedtime to look like..." and I started earlier in the day with everyone doing their chores so we could go to bed and wake up in a nice clean house, then everyone would get ready for bed quickly so I had time to lay by each one of them and read them a book... and so on" in a fairy tale sort of way.
The next day I'd kind of forgotten about it but at bedtime when I went to lay by one of the ones I'd talked to the night before she said, "So how did you like bedtime tonight? Did we do a good job?" Oh it was awesome too! I think they had just been doing what came naturally without realizing that there was a better way until we talked about it and I was able to give them a new vision of how it could be. There you go, communication does it again!

Holly

3/11/2015 02:07:57 pm

I missed class but loved reading the notes for last week. I just wanted to share one way we increase communication at dinnertime in our family that has been successful. I started this years ago when neither of my young children (at the time) felt very comfortable asking questions and seemed to need to work on communication. We call it "Three Bests". We go around the table one by one and everyone (Mom and Dad included) share the 3 best things that happened to them that day. Often, a child doesn't feel like 3 good things even happened to them that day, so this helps us focus on positives. Here's how we do it: With no interruptions until a family member has shared all 3, they then say, "Any questions?" The rest of the family has the opportunity to ask any questions they want that are pertinent to the 3 bests shared. We continue the question period until there are no more questions for that family member. Then someone else shares their 3 bests. This is a great way for us to connect, focus on the positives in our day, and practice effective communication. And it is a great distraction from the kids getting too silly at dinner, leaving their chairs, etc.

Ally

3/11/2015 02:31:55 pm

My brother had my family for Christmas and gave us each our own bowl with a message from him inside. My girls have loved these and they are used nearly everyday. About two weeks ago I grabbed them out of the cupboard and decided to use them as a communication tool at dinner time. I excitedly told my girls we were going to play a little game. I think we were having soup or chili... Something that concealed the name of whom each bowl belonged to. I told them they had to pick a bowl and when they could see who the bowl belonged to then they had to say 3 positive things about that person. If they happen to pick their own bowl then they had to say 3 things about Aunt Dana. It opened up our talk time at dinner in a different way. The next night the same rules applied except you couldn't do a repeat from the previous night... And instead of Aunt Dana we picked another aunt. It's made an impact on our communication in a positive way. I didn't realize how important it was for my girls till last night when we were about to have dinner and my girls were very disappointed when I didn't pull out the bowls. We played our game anyway and I love hearing what they each have to say.

On a seperate note... I was so proud if my oldest daughter and her communication skills this last week. (If you are a first timer this class really works... I promise!!! It may take a year... Or 6 before it sinks in but it makes a difference if you put in the effort and do the work.) Back to my daughter, the one that was my reason for taking this class in the first place... She was struggling with a girl at school. This girl was spreading rumors about my daughter because of an incident that happened between the two of them. After talking with my daughter and listening to her and how hurt she was she came up with a solution. After a few days had passed I asked my daughter what became of it. She told me that she apologized. She told this girl she was sorry she had hurt her feelings... She took the proper steps! I then was able to ask her questions, "How did it make you feel when you apologized? How did it make you feel when she didn't return an apology? Etc." we were able to have a good conversation and she is on te right track to mending her relationship with this girl. It's something my family is still working on but we are getting better.

Thanks so much Sister Tanner for all your efforts! Thank you for reminding me each semester the principles I need to practice.

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