The truth is, Satan is doing his job and the Lord is doing his job. As those things happen it will feel like we are splitting.
Elder David A Bednar, “Marriage Is Essential To His Eternal Plan”
“The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication. Because today we are engaged in a war for the welfare of marriage and the home…”
There is a great weeding out that will come in the church. That’s the parable of the virgins. They were all ‘card carrying’ virgins, but 5 of them weren’t prepared. They were all invited, but not prepared. We have to be careful in our own testimonies. Satan is smart. We’ve heard the prophecy that the Lord will hasten his day because even the very elect will be deceived.
I want to talk about the difference the Lord has in the plan between men and women. If we understand the plan then maybe this won’t be as big an obstacle if we have this understanding.
In the Proclamation of the Family…gender was ordained before this mortal world.
President Faust “How Near To The Angels”
“We made certain commitments and that we agreed to come to this earth with great, rich, but different gifts. We were called, male and female, to do great works with separate approaches and separate assignments.”
Maxwell “The Women of God”
“We men know the women of God as wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, associates, and friends. You seem to tame us and to gentle us, and, yes, to teach us and to inspire us. For you, we have admiration as well as affection, because righteousness is not a matter of role, nor goodness a matter of gender. In the work of the Kingdom, men and women are not without each other, but do not envy each other, lest by reversals and renunciations of role we make a wasteland of both womanhood and manhood.”
Spencer W Kimball “Women of the Church”
“We had full equality as his spirit children. We have equality as recipients of God’s perfected love for each of us.”
An eternal marriage and Godhood are both parts…the crust and the filling of a pie. Both parts are different and bring different things to the pie. We cannot become a God without a man and a woman. Godhood is both. It’s 2 parts different from each other, but both parts are necessary.
It’s not ‘why don’t women get the priesthood?’ We each have our own part to play. We need to have thanksgiving for what we have and magnify what we have. We need to learn to honor and magnify their part.
Men need women to magnify their part. That is part of the gifts Heavenly Father has given to women. It’s equal, but different. It’s supposed to be different.
“The Keys & Authority of The Priesthood” Dallin H. Oaks
The greatest power God has given to His sons cannot be exercised without the companionship of one of His daughters, because only to His daughters has God given the power “to be a creator of bodies … so that God’s design and the Great Plan might meet fruition.” Those are the words of President J. Reuben Clark.
He continued: “This is the place of our wives and of our mothers in the Eternal Plan. They are not bearers of the Priesthood; they are not charged with carrying out the duties and functions of the Priesthood; nor are they laden with its responsibilities; they are builders and organizers under its power, and partakers of its blessings, possessing the complement of the Priesthood powers and possessing a function as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.”
Satan wants to destroy that process of coming together in unity. He wants to make us unhappy and dissatisfied.
Do you remember when Laman & Lemuel and they were talking about the Tree of Life. The brothers came to him and said why don’t we understand it. He said, “Did you enquire of the Lord?” If we have a problem with it and don’t understand it have you enquired of the Lord?
It takes humility because you have to be willing to hear what the Lord is saying. If I say, “Teach me the plan” with an open mind you can get an interpretation of the vision. If this is a struggle with you, the answer is the same, “Enquire of the Lord” without a predetermined answer. He wants to share it with you. If you ask him in a way that you think you know and you are going to give the answer first He will not be mocked. You can find out if you have real intent. You can find out from him and not some group at Temple Square protesting about not having the Priesthood.
Eternal Marriage Student Manual
“You [women] were not created to be the same as men. Your natural attributes, affections, and personalities are entirely different from a man’s. They consist of faithfulness, benevolence, kindness, and charity. They give you the personality of a woman. They also balance the more aggressive and competitive nature of a man.
“The business world is competitive and sometimes ruthless. We do not doubt that women have both the brainpower and skills—and in some instances superior abilities—to compete with men. But by competing they must, of necessity, become aggressive and competitive. Thus their godly attributes are diminished and they acquire a quality of sameness with man” (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, 547–48).
The world says, “Let’s fight for the rights of women so they can be just like a man.” You can go to war and be a soldier. In the Book of Mormon the men went to war to protect the lives of women and children. As we create that equality we lose the attributes of femininity.
Divine Role Between Men & Women
We are doing this so you have understanding, but not so you can criticize and complain. This is not to give you self righteousness. You can become self righteous after you have all the things learned that I give you.
Heavenly Father has given us a hand book. It’s tough, but he’s given it to us.
Proclamation on the Family
Men---Preside, Provide, Protect
1 Nephi 3:7---I won’t give you any commandments without a way to accomplish them. Heavenly Father gave us gifts to be able to do this.
To Preside—men were given the gift of the priesthood. They need that authority.
To Protect—strong bodies. 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
To Provide—they are logical & competitive & aggressive.
Class member: Many years ago I saw a documentary. Men’s brains are linear. It goes in a straight pattern. Women pull from all different parts of their brain. Even science has proved it.
We have to understand that it is a gift. With these gifts Satan works hard to tweak them and disrupt them so that they will destroy a man. The same thing happens with a woman. That is how Satan can most effectively tempt men and women differently.
Men preside in a mental/physical world. Women nurture in an emotional world.
The attributes that we have are related to feelings. Women look at life in feelings. Men look at life in facts. These are good things, but it creates major differences in us.
Gifts given…charity, sensitivity, kind, compassionate, see the big picture, feel spiritual things.
If a man is stressed typically he likes to withdraw. If he has a problem at work or something he is thinking about, he withdraws and figures it out then will present the solution to you. He likes to have it fixed in his head before he presents it to you.
Example: Your husband comes home from work. What happened today? You can sense that something was wrong. He says everything is fine. When you go to bed you keep asking ‘what’s wrong’. He’s not ready to share yet because he hasn’t worked it out. You think “He’s mad at me.” He comes home and now he has been thinking about it and resolved it, but where are you? You are ticked…”Now you want to talk about it.”
Because we don’t allow each other to be different we tend to overreact.
A woman in stress wants to talk, but we don’t want to be fixed. Because they can see we are stressed they say, “Let me tell you what to do.” We don’t want them to fix us, but they want to fix us because they can see it’s hard for us and they don’t like us to hurt.
Often women think they are just helping them be better. They say if I want your help I will ask you for it.
Men are logical thinkers. When you are talking to a man he will talk facts. If you want to start a conversation with a man you say, “What do you think about th?” If you want to start a conversation with a woman you say, “How do you feel about that?” Different things excite us. The fact that it’s different doesn’t mean it’s wrong or bad.
Example: You are sitting home at night. You will ask them about the game and he will give you all the facts about the players. They ask you something, you go on this long tirade of emotionalism.
It’s like talking 2 different languages. If your husband is talking to you in facts he is talking to you. Men can be thinking “nothing”. They are in their “nothing” box.
Men are problem solvers. Women give unsolicited advice because we want to make things better. Men call that nagging. Ask them when they want your help.
Women tend to use superlatives. “You never take the garbage out.” “You always sleep late.” Men get hung up on those superlatives.
These are the things that Satan uses to drive wedges between our differences. These are the things we need to work on.
Men live segmented lives. They think about one thing. If they are at work they are thinking about work. Women live integrated lives. Everything flows into one big river. A woman knows where the children are, where the dog is, and is planning her Relief Society lesson all at once. This can have problems when a child comes home and we let loose on them because of something else that is happening in our lives.
The goal is to learn how to celebrate & magnify their difference without you becoming a victim of Satan in the gifts you have been given.
One of the things men are to protect, is their home from Satan. This means movies, internet, music. Men need to be involved in this, but so do women. Men need to protect on ALL levels not just to provide a shelter.
Ephesians 5:23 (preside)
Moses—cleave unto his wife
Abraham—cleave unto his wife
(I think these references are all listed in the syllabus. She didn't read all the references just the book they were in.)
A man is supposed to cleave unto his wife. What is cleave? This is to hold on tight to. Think about a man who lives a segmented life. Where does his mind go if he has a wife who is very efficient in taking care of their home? To other areas…work, hobbies, etc. It is hard for a man to remember to come back and take care of this.
Man’s commandment is to “cleave”
D&C 121—priesthood…aspire to the honors of men and do not learn this one lesson. They get tempted to focus on the honors of the world. They want to have more money and a bigger car.
Exercise unrighteous dominion…they use the power and authority to preside with love, kindness.
Your responsibility as a wife is to help them magnify their gifts and responsibilities. Their responsibility is to help you magnify your gifts and responsibilities.
If you complain about what you aren’t getting in a marriage you are focusing in. Happiness in marriage comes as you are committed to doing loving things.
Lynn Robbins “Marriage is a choice”
The more you work to magnify them the more they turn back to you. When we seek it as a product we seldom find it. When we magnify them it comes back to you as a byproduct.
Women—if you want to support them and magnify them you are responsible with the 3 A’s.
To magnify “Provide”—we have to learn to “Appreciate”
To magnify “Preside”—we have to learn to “Admire”
To magnify “Protect”—we have to learn to give them “Affection”
As you master the Triple “A’s”. They will magnify the “P’s”. When you try to get them to do the “P’s” by nagging, it decreases their ability to provide for that.
Howard W Hunter
“I suppose you would say it is a man’s viewpoint to throw a burden upon a woman to maintain the stability and the sweetness of marriage, but this seems to be her divine nature. She has a superior spirituality in the marriage relationship, and the opportunity to encourage, uplift, teach, and be the one who sets the example in the family for righteous living. When women come to the point of realizing that it is more important to be superior than to be equal, they will find the real joy in living those principles that the Lord set out in his divine plan” (Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, 139
1 Peter 3:1-7
1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Women—commandment is to ‘submit’.
To submit doesn’t mean you are a doormat. The Savior submitted to the Father. They came to the agreement, but the Father presided. The Savior was not a doormat. They had the same agenda. They worked together to achieve it, but the Father presided. That is how we become submissive in our marriage.
Satan tempts us with being self righteous.
“Conversation” means “by the conduct” of the wife…Joseph Smith Translation 1 Peter 3:1.
We need to examine how we are handling the situation if the husband isn’t making changes.
We need to have respect rather than condemnation for him. We are speaking with a pure clean language. You adorn yourself with a meek and quiet spirit. That is not criticizing and complaining. Then go to D&C 25.
HOMEWORK: Read D&C 25 Write down everything that is a counsel to you. Look at the things that you need to work on.
This section is full of great counsel to women today.
D&C 25: 16 And verily, verily, I say unto you, that this is my voice unto all.---This is for all of us.
Vs. 4—murmur not—this is my commandment. This says to stop complaining.
How do you stop complaining. You change your focus from ‘why don’t you…’ to ‘how can I help’. ‘What can I do for you?’ The whole purpose is ‘how can I help you?’ When you were engaged you spent the whole time trying to stay a step ahold of them. The more you reach out and help them the byproduct is that they feel loved and they want to help you.
What does that mean to you in your marriage and your relationship?
Vs 5—your responsibility is to comfort your spouse—with consoling words.
How many of you want to say, “I told you so.”? When they get into a predicament. In meekness it is, “I’m so sorry. How can I help?” When you get in a bind do you want him to say, “I saw that one coming.”
Vs 13—lift up thy heart and rejoice
Do you know how many homes Emma actually had? None until she went to Nauvoo. This means begin grateful with what you have. Are you thankful for the home you live in? Or do you want new furniture? Are you thankful for the clothes you wear or do you always look for more? Count your blessings and be grateful. When all we want is something else that is defeating. When your husband comes home your face acknowledges that you are glad to have them there. Smile! Let him know that you appreciate what he is doing and you are glad to have him home. Your kids need to see you happy. That’s part of living in gratitude.
Vs 15—beware of pride
We have a hard time with that. We tend to get self righteous. We need to stay out of pride.
I invite you to begin the study of D&C 25 that you may see the counsel that is meant for you.
Celebrating Celestial Marriage by Richard K. Scott
“It is interesting to know how man is put together—how incomplete he is. His whole physical and emotional, and for that matter, spiritual nature, is formed in such a way that it depends upon a source of encouragement and power that is found in a woman. When man has found his wife and companion, he has in a sense found the other half of himself. He will return to her again and again for that regeneration that exalts his manhood and strengthens him for the testing that life will give him. A woman has the privilege and influence to transform a man into an able and effective LDS priesthood leader. However, for this there are two prerequisites. First, she must want to, and second, she must know how. Part of knowing how includes the genius of encouraging him to meet his obligations without replacing him in his role, without presiding over him.”
(Church Relief Society Conference, Salt Lake Tribune, October 2, 1971, B-1)
This is not an event. This is a process overtime. We need to ask for priesthood blessings. We need to have our children ask him for blessings.
- Ponder question---What can I do to better support my husband in the 3 P’s? This needs to be specific and a point to begin.
- Read “The Keys & Authority of The Priesthood” Dallin H. Oaks
- Read D&C 25—Make a list of what you can do to become a better wife
- Pray for your spouse in your personal prayers each night this week
- Have a conversation down memory lane… “Do you remember the time we…?” Happy memories.
“How Near To the Angels” President Faust
“All of you will have to sometime answer to your natural womanly instincts, which the Prophet Joseph said are according to your natures. He said, “If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.”16 You should respond generously to those instincts and promptings to do good. Hold your soul very still, and listen to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit. Follow the noble, intuitive feelings planted deep within your souls by Deity in the previous world. In this way you will be responding to the Holy Spirit of God and will be sanctified by truth. By so doing, you will be eternally honored and loved. Much of your work is to enrich mankind with your great capacity for care and mercy.”
This is the glory and purpose. The Lord has endowed you to do it.