Discipline (Part #2)

2/19/2015

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Below is the document that Sister Tanner was talking about where she has described all 14 Discipline Tools. In Discipline Part #2 she covered in more detail...#14, #13, #12, #11, #10, #9. Please read the remaining tools so that you will already have an idea of what they are and she can cover the material more quickly so she has time to answer questions.

Also if you have a specific question about Discipline situations or examples of things have have worked for you please put them in the comments. You can also submit a parenting question or marriage question for Sister Tanner to answer.

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13 Comments

Nicole Rasmussen

2/23/2015 02:21:55 am

I have been thinking a lot about the things we discussed in class on Thursday, and I just can't seem to shake something from my mind. It can be incredibly overwhelming when it comes to disciplining/teaching our children. There are times when I am really good at it and totally on my game, and then there are other, less than stellar times when I have really messed it up. To me, there is a common thread... those times when I feel like things went smoothly coincide with the times in my life that I have taken care of "me." When I am getting enough sleep, eating healthy, exercising and most importantly, had my "hour of power" (1/2 hr. scriptures, 1/2 hr. power nap :) Which, ironically enough, I learned as an answer to prayer sitting in one of these very classes about 8 years ago! At these times, I am more patient, more in tune to the spirit and can reach that child in the way my Father in Heaven would have me. It's like the doctrine of Grace... life is not about wearing ourselves to threads and then calling "uncle" and the Savior steps in to help... rather, He is there with us every step of the way... the flashlight we carry through the dark tunnel...(not the light at the end) As Mothers, we cannot neglect ourselves, until the point of utter exhaustion and frustration and ready to jump ship. We need our best selves every step of the way, and our children deserve that from us. They need strong and faithful Mothers! The "tools" are so necessary and incredibly helpful, but the individual answers to "how to discipline this particular child" will come as we faithfully strive to take care of the vessel for the very inspiration we so desperately seek.

Rachel

2/23/2015 04:45:56 am

I have had this lesson in the past but it was so good to have it again so I can implement more tools with my kids. I only would use a couple of the tools but this week I have used roll playing more than I have in the past. My 7 year old who I have the most difficulty with right now loved using roll play. He and our 3 year old fight all the time. He teases the younger one and it is relentless. I am finally learning how to help him. This class has helped me to know that he is acting out because he is in the negative and he is testing his boundaries as well- I think because of his age. I have over the past several weeks spenr more one on one with him and asked better questions and now with the tools we have been given this week, I am learning how to teach him to solve his problems without immediately turning to teasing, anger, frustration, and hitting. We have a long ways to go but I feel we are heading in the positive direction. I also taught him and the three year old how to apologize correctly. That was new to me. On one hand Id say it was a good past couple of days because i feel better equipped to deal with the kids, but on the other hand it has been hard since i know it gets harder before it gets easier. Some times I haven't used to right tool and found myself getting frustrated that I can't get it right the first time. I've tried to not let it get me down and I go in and say a prayer asking for help and to calm down then I go back in a keep trying. I have also tried to stop hounding the kids on doing their jobs. I'm tired of doing it and I know i shouldn't do it anyways. So I've stopped and it is so nice to have that burden off my back! I still need to be ok if they don't get things done like they should but I know it's for the better. Sorry that was long winded again!:)

Traci Smith

2/23/2015 06:10:46 am

Thanks for the notes on the 4 steps to apologize properly. We are going to have a FHE lesson tonight on how to apologize properly and controlling our anger . I found a cute lesson online at The Home Teacher about controlling anger using Angry Birds that I'm going to use pieces of in my lesson.

Amanda Chandler

2/23/2015 09:42:21 pm

I'm so excited about the discipline tools we are learning. I have two daughters that seem to rarely get along. The older one has a white personality and her younger sister is a very demanding red. The other night they were going at it and so I tried out the roll playing technique with them. It worked like magic! They had so much fun with it and were pretty much hysterical within a few minutes. For the past three days they have been developing a "secret" handshake that just goes on and on and I am so thrilled to see them having so much fun together. I think a huge part of the roll playing is that it gets us comfortable doing the right thing. Sometimes we just get comfortable or used to treating each other negatively that it almost feels uncomfortable to be kind. Roll playing is the perfect way to move into that new comfort zone of doing/saying what is right or kind. I love it!

Lea Muir

2/25/2015 03:03:15 am

This week I tried to focus on apologizing correctly and asking questions that helped with the empathy portion of the apologizing correctly.
I really liked the difference that I saw in the way my kids regarded each other- they still had their issues, but they seemed to think of each other as real people who have feelings more so than before. Realizing that he felt sad when you hit him or took the toy or said mean things, that it was just as you would feel if he did it to you, made a huge difference.
I found I was calmer just starting off with questions or apologizing technique rather than going through the standard "Stop that." and the like.
I was also pleasantly surprised that I was using time outs correctly. After 3 years of the class I tried to focus on it and found we had it down. Of course, I have to give huge props to my husband because he got us started on the right way. He didn't want our kids' bedrooms to be a place of feeling stuck or mad, he wanted them to feel happy and safe there. So when they needed a time out to calm down enough to talk we'd tell them to find their happy. They were to go to their rooms and find their happy. Sometimes it was just calming down and returning, sometimes us going up to find them coloring or reading or playing just fine. Then we'd be able to talk about the behaviors that needed to change.
I also feel like taking into account the behaviors being different from the kids helps a ton there because I can point out that they are great kids who try hard to do what's right, but we just have to figure out how to not hit the next time or to explain themselves first so I understand them or that I should have asked more questions first.
My kids don't do role play very well but they take a lead and answer questions wonderfully so I'm not sure it's a tool we'll use for right now. Good to have it in the bag for later and other kids.

Amanda Chandler

2/25/2015 04:34:10 am

I really, really appreciated Sister Tanner's experience she shared about her daughter asking to go to a friends house when it was dinner time and the tantrum that followed and how she handled it. I have a daughter that you just know whenever you tell her no, she is going to scream and fight and argue with you until you want to pull your hair out. I used to try to reason with her and it would just escalate until we were both out of control. So I have started just saying no simply and then not discussing it further, often I'll take her in her room until she calms down but it has worked amazingly! Instead of getting involved in her argument I can stay out of it emotionally. The good news is that she is really starting to get it and the other day when she started arguing with me about something I took her to her room (she's 6) and I waited for the screaming....then I thought she fell asleep...minutes later she came out and got busy on what I wanted her to do!! INCREDIBLE! I was speechless! I'm soooooo thankful to be learning these concepts! I can see the peace coming to our home and it's exactly what I've been praying for. Now, what to do when she starts a tantrum in the car surrounded by siblings who are then in danger?

Liz

2/25/2015 05:48:25 am

I have been working on staying at level 0 when I am trying to get my kids to do things (chores, homework, etc). I haven't been 100% successful but I am doing better. One of my children likes to push my buttons and he hasn't known how to react when I won't let him bait me. I have also been praying for the spiritual gift of asking good questions. This is something that I struggle with as a parent and I am hoping to get better at it. On Monday, we will be having our FHE on how to apologize properly. This is something that my family really struggles with and I am hoping with some good teaching and training, that it will become part of our family habits.

Marne Clark

2/25/2015 07:33:10 am

I really Appreciate the steps given on how to apologize properly. I had the chance this week to use it, spontaneous actually, and it worked well....but it took about 45 minutes. Because I was willing to take the time to do it my children learned from it. By the end of the event the Spirit was felt in our home. Thanks so much for teaching us those principles.

Tiffani Winward

2/25/2015 01:17:50 pm

The past couple classes have been a lot to digest. There are times that I feel like I am gaining traction in the area of discipline and then other times that throw me for a loop.

Thank you for all the discipline tools and examples of application. There are many things that I need to improve. My biggest challenge is keeping my emotions at level zero. When I do that, things always go better.

Now it is just practice, practice, practice (the hard part)!

Tiffani Winward

2/25/2015 01:21:56 pm

My mom also believes in the power of asking good questions. She recently recommend a book to me that teaches this principal. It is titled, The Ten Greatest Gifts I Give My Children. I have yet to read it, but thought I would pass it on. Tonight I will open it's pages.

Tiffani Winward

2/25/2015 01:32:05 pm

One more thing....I felt the need to post a visual reminder for me of these 14 tools of discipline so that when something comes up (and it will sooner or later) that I can remember what my options are. So I listed them inconspicuouslyaround the edges of our giant monthly family calendar. Now with them in sight, I feel more confident and empowered that I will be better ready to tackle the next challenge.

Holly

2/25/2015 01:43:57 pm

I was so excited that it was my week to teach a lesson for FHE this week! I taught the 4 steps to a proper apology and was so pleased with how well things clicked with my family. They enjoyed role playing while practicing this. We really tried to get them to consider real life situations that might occur. Since then, we have had the "opportunity" to properly apologize to each other a few times. One of the things I love the most about it is how it helps my children, in particular a daughter who lacks natural empathy for others, try to relate to others as she thinks about the effect her actions had on them. I only wish I had known about this when my oldest kids were younger, but it is definitely not too late to start.

On a different vein, I recently decided to reread Parenting with Love and Logic again (probably my 3rd time) and have noticed it goes right along with positive discipline, specifically natural consequences, which is the discipline tool my husband and I have decided to focus on this week. It is a great book and applies differently to my family as we move through different ages/stages!

Shawnee

3/3/2015 08:22:05 am

For family home evening we went over the appropriate way to apologize. My children are three and two but they did great. We did a bunch of role-playing and they thought it was so funny. They have been a lot more willing to try it out when they need to apologize to each other. They are even starting to get the steps without meprompting them through the whole thing. I really like this way of apologizing, before I would have them apologize and then say two or three nice things about the other person. So far this has worked a lot better as far as sincerity goes.

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Discipline (Part #2)

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