A practice is how you put the principle in place.
“When you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas, so that by noticing it, you may find it fulfilled the same day or soon; (i.e.) those things that were presented unto your minds by the Spirit of God, will come to pass; and thus by learning the Spirit of God and understanding it, you may grow into the principle of revelation, until you become perfect in Christ Jesus.”
( Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith , 151.)
Elder Packer Nov 1998 “The family learns how to love at home.
What does your home feel like? What is the Spirit there?
Think about your home, but don’t feel guilty about your home. It’s a matter of recognizing what you have and what it is so we can work with that.
Stephen Covey’s book “If you feel like your home is out of control in chaos. Pick one goal and do it and you will start to feel like you are gaining control.”
You don’t have to do everything, but you do have to do something. Pick 1 goal. If you have changed your life in 2 areas at the end of 10 weeks.
“I urge you to examine your life. Determine where you are and what you need to do to be the kind of person you want to be. Create inspiring, noble, and righteous goals that fire your imagination and create excitement in your heart. And then keep your eye on them. Work consistently towards achieving them. Joseph Wirthlin “Life’s Lessons Learned” April 2007
Start looking at what you are doing right and focus on those. I want you to love being a parent. They leave too soon. Treasure this time you have with them. It’s hard when they are all gone. In all eternity you will never have it again. In a few years they won’t come to you to kiss it better or to have you hold them and sing to them. These are precious moments. Learn to laugh at them.
The reason you feel so frustrated and overwhelmed.
The ultimate purpose of the adversary, who has “great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time,” 1 is to disrupt, disturb, and destroy the home and the family. Like a ship without a rudder, without a compass, we drift from the family values which have anchored us in the past. Now we are caught in a current so strong that unless we correct our course, civilization as we know it will surely be wrecked to pieces. “The Father and the Family” April 1994 Boyd K. Packer
Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;
This verse is in a list and in the order to do them in.
How do we do those 3 things?
Heavenly Father told them to go down and organize matter. To construct, to build, to put together, to take all the parts and make it happen. Before they went down to do that they had a plan and all things were created spiritually before they were created physically.
Create a plan. What do you want your family to look like?
We parent like the referee on the football team. We were raised with our parents telling us everything we did wrong. “Why didn’t you make your bed?” “Why didn’t you get your homework done?” They thought they were teaching you to do what is right. We are teaching in a negative fashion. Go to your room! You are grounded! Two extra jobs! We let them act and then we react.
In Heavenly Father’s kingdom I’m going to create the plan and then act to the plan. It is in order. He knows what it is. We need to act to his plan. He isn’t reacting to our sins.
Our family needs to create a plan to act to. It’s in a positive. We as a family are going to encompass.
In the Garden of Eden, Heavenly Father prepared them to live in the world. He taught them everything they needed to know before they were cast out. They knew the plan. Then they were tried and tested to see if they can live the plan.
We teach our family and help them understand it and internalize it. This is us. This is what we want.
Means to do!
Everything said so far is PRINCIPLE. It’s how the Lord established his kingdom. Now we are going to talk about PRACTICES. Principles are concrete. Practices can change. You get to sift through these and
What does this look like? (Practices)
In FHE ask, “What does our family stand for?” “What does it mean to be in your family?” “What is it like to be a Tanner?” “What does it mean to be a member of your family?”
Youth that get in trouble will say that their family stands for nothing. There is no bonding or unity. Children who are successful and they ask what their family stands for they can list a whole bunch of stuff.
This can be a very simple, simple thing. With little people it should not be complex, especially little people.
My Gospel Standards…is a good place to start. You are creating a Family Mission Statement. It has to be used. You can’t just frame it and put it on the wall. Use it as a point of reference for your family. Use in FHE. You should have your children memorize it. It shouldn’t be that long that they can’t.
Example: (Johnson Family Mission Statement)
If they want to buy a skimpy bathing suit, you can use your family statement
It’s what we are and what we need to do to make that happen. 2-prong mission statement.
President Cobb of the Kuna Idaho Stake Presidency shared his family statement and motto…
Family Statement: “Our home will be founded upon the principles of faith, prayer, order, respect, love and gratitude. As a family we will go to church together, have family home evening together, eat together, read scriptures together, work together, pray together, and play together. As we do these things, we will have a Christ-centered home where the Spirit is present.”
Family motto is: “Be there!”
Daughter went off to college and struggled. Family mission statement pulled them through.
Family Motto: Needs to be short.
“We can do hard things.”
“Be good, be smart, have fun, and choose the right”
“We lived after the manner of happiness”
“Return with Honor”
“We are the Johnsons and we can do hard things.”
Let the kids help develop it.
“Troutman family is our name. Choosing the right is our game….”
Children love the family cheer. It creates a cohesiveness. This is ‘us!” It’s fun to be us.
Elder Lawrence… “You can’t force parents to agree with things.” You need to be careful how you approach it. It’s not a dictatorship.
Question: What if 16yr old son won’t help.
Answer: Ask “What do you think it means to be part of our family?” I don’t know. I don’t like it here. You don’t let one dictate what happens for all the other 7. You encircle them. You love them. You don’t condemn them. Invite him in, but don’t let him dictate.
The practices shouldn’t be the same in every family. Every family is different. We spend too much time not smiling especially at home. You don’t smile at home. Tell your face to smile. Be happy! We forget that we are supposed to be happy. We have to let our children know we love them.
You might think about the possibility of making a family flag. Your flag can illustrate who you are. Pictures of what you like to do.
Tree---all grandkids were leaves on the tree (36 grandchildren)—Be rooted as a family for eternity.
Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.
Find fault---do you criticize in your mind? Your spouse, your kids, your mother?
Cease to be idle—Most of you will say I am too busy to be idle. When you talk about busyness you aren’t doing your ‘to do’ list. You need to be anxiously engaged in busyness that is moving your towards the goal.
Spencer W. Kimball “We must strive at times to focus on the basic purposes of the work so that mere busyness does not create the illusion that we are effective when we are not.”
To train our children. That is our main purpose. The toilet becomes more important than the child.
Cease to be unclean—Electronics, cell phone, Ipads, Ipods, texting, movies, music.
How many times do you take a text when your children are talking to you. It is teaching them that your cell phone is more important than they are. There is no reason for youth to be on a cell phone during the activity. They can use them at the end.
Cease to find fault—stop criticizing your children. It will never build them. You teach them to do what is right. You separate the deed and the do-er.
Cease to sleep longer than is needful—It’s not in the hours. It’s about what the scripture says with the hours. Retire to thy bed early—then rise early. You are getting the same amount of sleep. You are getting it from 9pm-3am instead of 1am-7am. If you get up before your kids and be ready before they get up your day will go much better. You have the emotional strength to go on. Do it for yourself. Don’t let your kids sleep in. Get them up…even on Saturday.
It creates security, obedience, & harmony when they are done at the same time. Get up then scriptures, then dressed, then breakfast. We did it everyday.
Time to get up
Time to eat
Time for family scriptures
Time for family prayers
Family dinner time.
“Family experts have warned against what they call “the overscheduling of children.” In the last generation children are far busier and families spend far less time together. Among many measures of this disturbing trend are the reports that structured sports time has doubled, but children’s free time has declined by 12 hours per week, and unstructured outdoor activities have fallen by 50 percent.2
The number of those who report that their “whole family usually eats dinner together” has declined 33 percent. This is most concerning because the time a family spends together “eating meals at home [is] the strongest predictor of children’s academic achievement and psychological adjustment.”3 Family mealtimes have also been shown to be a strong bulwark against children’s smoking, drinking, or using drugs.4 There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents: what your children really want for dinner is you.”
Dallin Oaks “Good Better Best”
You have to set the priority and then life can happen around it.
Time for children to do jobs
Time for homework
Time for play
Time for bed (regular)—Your children live an adult schedule instead of a child’s schedule.
Time set when electronics are ok.
Time when electronics are not ok.
Friends should not always be part of your family.
If your teenagers are texting on their phones they are in your home.
How do you meet and greet at the crossroads of the day?
Is it with the lecture series?
Are you at the door or bellowing from the kitchen?
Do you greet them from the door when they come home?
Meet & greet at the crossroads. You need to get up and go greet them. You go greet them. You don’t make them come find you. You go find them. You will find amazing magical things that happen. Meet and greet with a SMILE not a lecture.
RITES OF PASSAGE:
There is nothing that tells children they are growing up. A 5 year old can wear the same style shirt as a grandma. There is nothing that says you are the little guy and I’m the big guy. Everything is trying to make our little people into teenagers. Because of that there needs to be a few things in your home.
Graduate from Primary—12
You need a few in your home. They get a little more privilege and a little more responsibility.
The ones you have are in concrete! No exceptions!
Practice: Age that girls got to have ears pierced…I will take you to lunch. We will go together when you are 15. It was an established thing.
Makeup for girls
Age to stop taking naps
LIFE TIME EVENTS:
Baptism—what are you going to do? It needs to be a tradition.
Graduation from high school
Night before wedding
Think about them now and start meditating on things you would like to have.
What you do for your celebrations….Traditions: They are order for your home. This is part of the cement that brings your family together.
What you teach your children right now in their youth will teach them order and control. Everything in society teaches them entitlement. When they feel the routine consistently, it develops their testimonies.
1. Read one or both conference talks.
“Courageous Parenting” Larry Lawrence November 2010
“Good Better Best” Dallin H. Oaks November 2007
2. Pick something from the conference talk to be your ‘to do’.
3. Create your family mission statement and motto---you may only discuss. It’s a process. It’s not an event.
4. Create a family flag or a family cheer.
5. Carefully look at your day to day activities. Do you have order in your daily activities? This basically comes from mother.
Commandment---there is a ‘to do’ and a blessing. If you want the blessing you do the ‘to do with
Alma 37:6-7 Ye may suppose this is foolishness in me…small and simple things great things are brought to pass. Small things will confound the wise.
5 things to fortify our youth….(Elder Lawrence’s talk)----with exactness the Lord will fortify your family.
1. Family prayer—2x/day
2. Family scriptures
3. Family Home Evening
4. Family Dinner
5. Regular one on one interviews with our children
That will fortify our children against what they face every day.