Class member: We tried the question game. Just silly questions. What place do you want to visit? What would your talent be? My girls have loved it. We turned off what we listen to in the car and it’s been fun for them. Coming up with those follow up questions. I’m getting better.
There is a link under the comments. There are 100 questions there to ask kids. I would print them off and put them in your file. Put 10 of them in the car. Put 5 of them in your purse. When you are in those moments that is a time to play.
Class member: I met with a lady in my ward this week who got a call from her daughter who has a missionary leaving from their ward. He had to meet with a bunch of different people because he doesn’t know how to respond. He is leaving in 2 weeks and it was painful to sit and try to talk with him.
Class member: We have a little boy who calls names and says mean things. We started with FHE. When someone would say anything negative everyone would touch your nose. They have to say something nice. I don’t have to yell at them.
Remember in the tools of discipline ‘non-verbal’ is very powerful.
Class member: I was going to thank you for a tidbit that is magical in our house. If your kids are getting into it arguing. I take the kids individually and ask them what your part was in the problem. Then asked them what they are going to do about it.
Very rarely there isn’t 2 involved in it.
Class member: I’ve been trying to listen better to my 13 year old boy. I can see that he has been pulling away a little. There was a moment we were talking about something related to school and I’ve trained him to not think for himself. I told him it’s totally up to you. It’s your choice. That was several days ago. Since then he is much more open. He thinks she really does wants to hear. He has been talking about all sorts of stuff to me.
You just made a huge deposit in his bank account of trust. They become more open. You care and believe in me.
Class member: I get really down thinking about all the things I don’t do. The opposite has been happening with your class. I feel like we are doing better percentage wise. Last night he kept coming out of the room over and over and over. He said Mom we haven’t really got to spend much time together today. I climbed in bed with him and listened. He told me this story. In my head I just wanted to talk about ‘things’. I’m filling his bank account and giving him what he needs. I felt like I was giving him what he needs.
That was good that you stopped and listened.
Class member: I learned that I am a horrible listener with my friends. I have a friend that was pregnant. I was horrible with my kids. I’m already thinking about what I’m going to say back to him. I had him start over so I could listen. I have to focus. I do know why my son doesn’t listen because he gets it from me. I feel like I have a lot of work to do.
What you noticed is where you were short. When we realize our part in it we can start working on fixing it.
Class member: My daughter is 3 and I’m potty training. She had an accident. She got up and went into the bathroom. She went again. She was pleased with herself.
They start to go, but then they stopped. Good job. You listened to her.
Class member: My husband gave me the silent treatment for 3 days this week and I couldn’t figure out why. I finally took the time to talk to him about it. I think I was just scared of what he was going to say. We talked about it and he is a black and white person. It’s ‘always’ or ‘never’. I took the tip about quivelling over words. I think by me taking the ‘always’ and ‘never’ out of the equation then I could take the emotion out of the situation and then I could try to figure out what it was that I was not doing to fix the situation.
We take offense too easily. It slams the door on it immediately.
Class member: I had the experience of attending my grandmothers funeral. I have a daughter at Provo. We were spending time and she decided she was done and I wasn’t. She pulled her Dad aside and we were leaving and I wasn’t done. We were at a family dinner later and she was ready to leave. I felt like she was wanting to pull us away. That night when I took her back to her dorm she burst into tears about a huge thing that she needed to talk to me about face to face. You have something you value the rest of it is just stuff. Sometimes it’s good to keep your mouth shut.
Class member: My 14 year old came home from school yesterday. She explained to me that one of the girls in her choir is pregnant. That night at dinner we opened up about God’s law of morality. I asked what do you think about this choice? The kids went off on tangents and I couldn’t keep them focused. Last night about 10 I went up to say goodnight and I just laid down on the floor and we talked about this girl and the consequences for her and the father and adoption. We talked about the feelings of everyone involved. I asked, “Can you see why every baby needs a father and a mother?”
You would be surprised what seeds have been planted. You will see that this has impacted them in a positive way.
Class member: My baby is 14. She has been noticing her friends and how their homes are broken. She came up to me and said You know you aren’t near as strict as all my friend’s parents. I got thinking about changing percentages. I used to yell all the time at my kids. Once you mentioned level 0. Sometimes I would have to walk around outside or lock myself in the bathroom. I asked her, “When was the last time I yelled at you?” She said “No.” I said Wow! What improvement. It has totally changed my entire family. That’s why I continue o come because I still don’t have a grasp on everything I should be implementing. My kids really appreciate that.
It makes so much difference to their self esteem.
Class member: I was in Utah last week. We had gone down for a funeral and stayed with a sister. She is a big yeller. It’s hard to stay at her house sometimes. I fill like my bucket is really low. We have talked about your parenting class a lot. She mentioned that ‘I don’t know if you have noticed I’m a yeller, but I have been trying really hard.’ I think she only yelled one time the entire trip. It was such a huge thing. We have talked a lot about this class and percentages.
People think that yelling is the best tool to get people to act. If you say it loud enough mean enough it will get them to obey. People who don’t know that is probably what they got and it just doesn’t work.
Class member: A couple of days ago one of my children yelled at me and they said, “She is not at level zero to talk.”
I have had 7 grandchildren with a mom that is white and pregnant. I have been parenting them. The oldest is a girl-13yrs old. We were talking. She listens to the parenting CDs when she goes to bed and then tells her Mom everything she does wrong. I told her if you choose to listen to the CDs you only can use it for you. There is a 13 yr old girl and 6 younger brothers. She is really bossy.
Last Monday night my grandson that is 10 came to me and said Grandma can I do FHE lesson. I said sure. Is there anything I can help you with? He came up and said I need blindfolds. How many do you need? I need 7 blindfolds. We had dinner and started FHE had songs turned the time over and we went to the dining room table to be blindfolded. He had them feel it and gave them a pen. Now I want you to draw a house. There were some interesting things. Now I want you to draw he front yard, dog, mailbox, mail man putting a letter in the mailbox…still blindfolded. They looked at their pictures. This is what it’s like when we go through life without the Holy Ghost.
The reason I share this is because when we aren’t answering and telling them everything and helping their thought process to expand and grow these kinds of things begin to happen. This is what prepares them to be missionaries.
During this week we have a ‘hot house’. We are close so the elders like to drop by all the time. This time they came and my son had been there and been doing the training for the mission president in Nampa mission. “What did your mothers do to help prepare you for your mission?” It was interesting. Both of them came up with the same answer, but independent of each other. The answer was…Hard Work! Both of them said after they got their mission calls they had 2-3 months, both of them said that period of time Satan works overtime to destroy them. He wants them not to go.
As you hit that period of time most missionaries don’t have a job. One elder said both of his parents worked and he was home during the day. He had been tempted with things that have never entered his mind. He came from a good ward where the bishop interviewed them ever week. The bishop just told him plainly you need to get up and go to work. Satan tempts an idle mind, but can’t tempt a mind focused on working. He saw all the snow and just went and shoveled snow until he left on his mission. The other elder left in the summertime with the same thing. I need to do something. The first thing he did was go get his parents yard in order. Then he moved down to the next neighbor and did that house. He worked all the way down the street. He worked 8am and until night and helped them in their gardens and landscaping.
I tell you that because some of you are having children reach that time. Now is the time to get them to work hard so Satan can’t tempt them. They are involved in sports, but there is a break between them. Sports teach a high sense of entitlement. The whole families focus on that one child. Even though they are working hard, they are still entitled. They have to have experiences that take that out of them. Service is the key.
Children will cry and bawl until you how wicked and awful and mean you are. Why do they have to work that hard? They are unfair and unkind. IT’s not a popularity contest. You are working to save their souls. These are perilous times.
Class member: I shared before that my 10 year old is having a hard time with church. We have had the elders in our home a lot and he has started to connect with them. I’m going to ask these elder’s these questions so my 10 year old can see that they have to work hard.
Class member: I’m a white/blue and find myself think it’s easier to work. I feel like I’m depriving my children the opportunity to work and feel the accomplishment.
At church on Sunday we had a young man come back from his mission after 5 months. He was probably the straightest kid in the ward. His parents loved him and never had problems with him. He is a wonderful young man. He started having a steady girlfriend when he was a senior. It wasn’t too bad during the senior year. He came home from his mission because of unresolved issues. We think we got them raised and we think we are safe. Be mindful that Satan is mindful of them. Don’t let them be idle. Be sure they are busy earning mission money or service.