Class member: We’ve been saying in our prayers recently to help us find ways to be kind. We are focusing on being kind at school in our questioning. We’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now. On Sunday I told my kids that they could do Personal Progress, read church books, or Faith in God for 2 hours. My daughter decided to be kind to her brother for 2 weeks. She hid little notes around for him to keep finding.
I would recommend somewhere during this time maybe a few days in when it’s lost it’s steam, write her a note and put it where she will find it. Tell her it’s wonderful for thinking out. That it is making a difference for her.
Class member: I have a 5 year old who said that I have to look the cutest in my class. I have to be better than everyone else in my class.
Class member: I have boy/girl twins that are 6. My boy is very competitive and I realized I was feeding them. I changed it this week and he didn’t ‘win’ anything, but he is learning to get ready early enough to be read to. I took the competition out of everything. Our middle son causes contention in our home. He is my stepson. His Mom pits our house against theirs.
He is feeling at your house that he is less important than your kids. He carries abandonment issues.
Class member: I really love taking this class because it reminds me that there are things we do unintentionally. I don’t think about it until you point it out. It’s a good reminder to me. My husband is such a sweet Dad. We did all the Parent/Teacher conferences this week. Our kids are very different in motivation.
When they already know the principle…it’s not a new thing…then the way to do it is to ask questions. If I’m not like my sister then I’m not good. “What do you think you could do better?” Take the other child out. Take the other child out of it. Mend that by not doing it again, but build them in what their strengths are individually.
Class member: When we tell one of our kids to do something and we say, “You are being obedient?” They say, “Is he being obedient?”
That is competition. They are constantly seeking these outside strokes. You can say, “What do you think about him? How did he implement this?” Teach them to find good in the other person.
Class member: We do a ‘treat’ reward after scriptures if they are reverent…they are 4,3,2. Is that competition?
Not at that age. Treat motivators are good at a young age. You haven’t created a situation that’s win-lose.
Class member: One night a week is my husband and my night. Lately our kids keep infringing on that. I had a really hard time shutting that off because I’m trying to not be ‘selfish’. I had a hard time staying focused on my husband and not doing things for the kids. Is that pride or is it ok to protect that time?
To want to have the sacred time with your husband…it’s preestablished and it’s there. It’s teaching your children to respect the parental relationship. They will know when they are married that the husband/wife relationship comes first. The downside that puts you into pride is the anger. Wanting the time together is good. You have to retain love for your husband and love for your children. You need to say something so you can let it go. Just smile and say, “What night is it?” It’s just like FHE…smile and say, “What night is it?” You can do it if you stay at zero. Don’t backpack it. It blows up.
I’m going to ask you a hard question. This requires you be very honest and very vulnerable. This is no blame, no guilt, no judgment moment. “What kind of baggage are you carrying from your childhood?” From the way you were parented, sibling interactions, etc.
The baggage is a byproduct of your parenting. This is “ah ha” not guilt. See how things were when I was a child and see what the repercussions are as an adult. A lot of what we have when we were children we don’t get to lay down when we are married.
Robert D. Hales October 1993 “How Will Our Children Remember Us?”
“In many ways earthly parents represent their Heavenly Father in the process of nurturing, loving, caring, and teaching children. Children naturally look to their parents to learn of the characteristics of their Heavenly Father. After they come to love, respect, and have confidence in their earthly parents, they often unknowingly develop the same feelings towards their Heavenly Father.”
This is not to make you feel guilty. I want you to see connections! I think when we have understanding we naturally change. When we are trying to force ourselves to change with lack of understanding it is extremely difficult.
We parent because we want to teach our children to behave correctly, but we need to parent to bring our children to Christ. One is for control and one is to teach.
Do you see where some of the things that are causing you baggage is because of the pride in your family?…still no blame. Can you see that?
What you perceive as right is your truth! Some of it we create unintentionally. Some of it just happens because you are there. If you are aware of it then you can parent to it.
To get rid of pride is to take them out of competition. You do that by parenting individually. They stop comparing themselves to each other because they feel individually loved. Heavenly Father loves me because I’m on the right path.
If your parents had allowed you to fail and talked about your efforts would you have been willing to try new things.
“I’m not my sisters. You have to parent me differently.”