Carleen Tanner's Positive Parenting
  • Home
  • Parenting
    • Parenting Notes (Blog)
    • Spring Semester Class List
    • Fall Semester Class List
    • Ask a Parenting Question
    • Babysitting Information
  • Marriage
    • Ask a Marriage Question
  • Traditions
    • Daily Traditions
    • Weekly Traditions
    • Monthly Traditions
    • Yearly Traditions >
      • Anniversaries
      • School
      • Birthdays
      • Holidays >
        • April Fool's Day
        • Christmas
        • Christmas Eve
        • Easter
        • Fourth of July
        • Halloween
        • Mother's Day
        • New Years Eve
        • St. Patrick's Day
        • Thanksgiving
        • Valentine's Day
      • Fall
      • Summer
      • Traveling/Vacation
      • Winter
    • Once-In-A-Lifetime
    • General Conference
  • Testimonials
  • Store
  • Speaking

Follow up:  Competition/Cooperation

10/12/2017

0 Comments

 
​How many had a great experience thinking about pride and competition this week?
 
Class member:  We’ve been saying in our prayers recently to help us find ways to be kind.  We are focusing on being kind at school in our questioning.  We’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now.  On Sunday I told my kids that they could do Personal Progress, read church books, or Faith in God for 2 hours.  My daughter decided to be kind to her brother for 2 weeks.  She hid little notes around for him to keep finding. 
 
I would recommend somewhere during this time maybe a few days in when it’s lost it’s steam, write her a note and put it where she will find it.  Tell her it’s wonderful for thinking out.  That it is making a difference for her. 
 
Class member:  I have a 5 year old who said that I have to look the cutest in my class.  I have to be better than everyone else in my class.
 
Class member:  I have boy/girl twins that are 6.  My boy is very competitive and I realized I was feeding them.  I changed it this week and he didn’t ‘win’ anything, but he is learning to get ready early enough to be read to. I took the competition out of everything.  Our middle son causes contention in our home.  He is my stepson.  His Mom pits our house against theirs. 
 
He is feeling at your house that he is less important than your kids.  He carries abandonment issues. 
 
Class member:  I really love taking this class because it reminds me that there are things we do unintentionally.  I don’t think about it until you point it out.  It’s a good reminder to me.  My husband is such a sweet Dad.  We did all the Parent/Teacher conferences this week.  Our kids are very different in motivation. 
 
When they already know the principle…it’s not a new thing…then the way to do it is to ask questions.  If I’m not like my sister then I’m not good.  “What do you think you could do better?”  Take the other child out.  Take the other child out of it.  Mend that by not doing it again, but build them in what their strengths are individually. 
 
Class member:  When we tell one of our kids to do something and we say, “You are being obedient?”  They say, “Is he being obedient?” 
 
That is competition.  They are constantly seeking these outside strokes.  You can say, “What do you think about him?  How did he implement this?”  Teach them to find good in the other person. 
 
Class member:  We do a ‘treat’ reward after scriptures if they are reverent…they are 4,3,2.  Is that competition?
 
Not at that age.  Treat motivators are good at a young age.  You haven’t created a situation that’s win-lose. 
 
Class member:  One night a week is my husband and my night.  Lately our kids keep infringing on that.  I had a really hard time shutting that off because I’m trying to not be ‘selfish’.  I had a hard time staying focused on my husband and not doing things for the kids.  Is that pride or is it ok to protect that time?
 
To want to have the sacred time with your husband…it’s preestablished and it’s there.  It’s teaching your children to respect the parental relationship.  They will know when they are married that the husband/wife relationship comes first.  The downside that puts you into pride is the anger.  Wanting the time together is good.  You have to retain love for your husband and love for your children.  You need to say something so you can let it go.  Just smile and say, “What night is it?”  It’s just like FHE…smile and say, “What night is it?”  You can do it if you stay at zero.  Don’t backpack it.  It blows up. 
 
I’m going to ask you a hard question.  This requires you be very honest and very vulnerable.  This is no blame, no guilt, no judgment moment.  “What kind of baggage are you carrying from your childhood?”  From the way you were parented, sibling interactions, etc.
 
The baggage is a byproduct of your parenting.  This is “ah ha” not guilt.  See how things were when I was a child and see what the repercussions are as an adult.  A lot of what we have when we were children we don’t get to lay down when we are married. 
 
Robert D. Hales  October 1993 “How Will Our Children Remember Us?”
“In many ways earthly parents represent their Heavenly Father in the process of nurturing, loving, caring, and teaching children. Children naturally look to their parents to learn of the characteristics of their Heavenly Father. After they come to love, respect, and have confidence in their earthly parents, they often unknowingly develop the same feelings towards their Heavenly Father.”
 
This is not to make you feel guilty.  I want you to see connections!  I think when we have understanding we naturally change.  When we are trying to force ourselves to change with lack of understanding it is extremely difficult. 
 
We parent because we want to teach our children to behave correctly, but we need to parent to bring our children to Christ.  One is for control and one is to teach.
 
Do you see where some of the things that are causing you baggage is because of the pride in your family?…still no blame.  Can you see that?
 
What you perceive as right is your truth!    Some of it we create unintentionally.  Some of it just happens because you are there.  If you are aware of it then you can parent to it. 
 
To get rid of pride is to take them out of competition.  You do that by parenting individually.  They stop comparing themselves to each other because they feel individually loved.  Heavenly Father loves me because I’m on the right path. 
 
If your parents had allowed you to fail and talked about your efforts would you have been willing to try new things.
 
“I’m not my sisters.  You have to parent me differently.”
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Carleen Tanner

    Notes from classes and other information will be posted here.  Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared.  You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question.

    Archives

    September 2019
    July 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    May 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Andrea Hansen

    I will be posting my class notes from Thursday Parenting Class within a few days after class.

    Categories

    All
    Adversity
    Agency
    Apologies
    Atonement
    Attitude
    Babies
    Blended Families
    Bolton Institute
    Budget
    Cd
    Cell Phones
    Church Attendance
    Coach
    Color
    Color Code
    Communication
    Competition
    Consequences
    Contention
    Cooperation
    Dating
    Depression
    Differences
    Discipline
    Discouragement
    Doctrine
    Encouragement
    Entitlement
    Family
    Family Home Evening
    Fathers
    FHE
    Filter
    For Strength Of Youth
    General Conference
    Goal
    Gratitude
    Holiday
    Holy Ghost
    Holy Ghost
    Humility
    Information
    Internet
    Love
    Love Language
    Marriage
    Media
    Money
    Morality
    Mothers
    Order
    Organization
    Parenting
    Personal Revelation
    Plan Of Salvation
    Ponder Pad
    Pornography
    Power Struggles
    Praise
    Prayer
    Prayers
    Pride
    Reading
    Referee
    Reminders
    Reverence
    Sabbath Day
    Scouts
    Scriptures
    Scripture Study
    Self Esteem
    Service
    Spirit
    Stress
    Summer
    Survey
    Teaching
    Technology
    Temple
    Thanksgiving
    Thoughts
    Traditions
    Trials
    Valiant
    Values
    Violence
    Website Links
    Women
    Work
    Young Women
    YouTube

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.