Class member: I’m always pretty terrible at discipline. I called the boys to come up and set the table for dinner. I called them 5x. My husband comes home and gets the boys up there. My son wanted to have water and I told him that was his job to get it. This morning 10 minutes before I needed them to get upstairs I went down and told them what they did. I said in 10 minutes it’s breakfast time. I told them what they were eating for breakfast and my oldest wanted to help me with breakfast.
Class member: I realized how much I avoid situations.
It’s so interesting when there is no guilt and no blame for you to realize what you do. Not yelling quietly is nagging.
Class member: I had an interesting experience. My little girl (4yr old) is very strong willed and she has been sort of easy to freak out. On Sunday I decided I would spend 30 minutes in the morning overwhelmingly showing her love. There is a sanity level if we don’t say this is the line for us to stay calm. Showing her that excessive love in the morning she was so much more willing to listen. I think that’s where it should start.
That’s filling the emotional bank account. If their account is full, little people don’t misbehave as much.
2,4,6,8 are hard years. 11,13,15,17 are hard years. It just seems like every other year they are pushing against the line, but they are pushing to see if it’s the same.
Class member: It’s painful to watch your children pick up your habits. She was nagging her sister to be ready to leave and go to school. I taught her that day to say I am leaving at a specific time and then just leave.
Class member: It takes my kids so long to do their jobs. So this past Saturday instead of ‘machine gun’ parenting I went upstairs and wrote down what they needed to do and their time to do jobs finished in less time.
Class member: I realized that I go from 0 to 100 in a second.
Class member: I have a 3 yr old that is very difficult. He bothers his older brothers. I have been thinking that I need to show him more love. One time I went downstairs and told them that we just needed to show him a little bit of love. I tried and then got mad and threw him in his room.
Class member: My husband helped me recognize how critical I am of my parenting in public. How I’m constantly judging myself thinking that others were judging me.
Bottom line is it doesn’t matter what anyone else things. If they think you are awful so what. If they think you are great so what. If you get what I am trying to teach you most of your peers won’t like you. You are winning if they don’t approve. Today’s society, what is looked at as good parenting, is teaching just do what it takes to feel good. Parents buy that. Why do you think 4th graders have cell phones and 3yr olds are on Ipads all the time. We are raising entitled disrespectful children. Looking good in the sight of their peers because of a ‘level’ in a game is happening much younger. They are more worried about being approved of by peers.
I had parents come to me and say you are so mean. You are so strict. You have good kids. Why don’t you let them do this…
Spirituality is overcoming the natural man which is self control. If we want to raise our children to be spiritual we teach them self control. Life is for doing hard work and doing hard things.
We want our children to look at our home as fun. If their friend group was hanging out they would ask what we were doing at home and wanted to stay at home.
Triangles…discipline early on and don’t discipline beyond the balm you have to heal.
We tend to let our children get away with a lot of things when they are little. There is nothing wrong with that except that we don’t teach. When you have a 1 yr old that is cute and she goes to see the home teachers and climb on their lap. At the age of 4 when she is doing the same thing and that’s not appropriate. We try to pull in the reigns. They will revolt. We need to do the other one. We need to start out extremely structured and as we teach them and train them their privileges open up.
That is how it is in the Lord’s kingdom. He gives you 8 years to learn and train and then you are given privileges.
I am the parent and you are the child. You do not get parental privileges. Parenting is collapsing because we are trying to make them our peers. We create children who look to their peers for guidance and that is not how it should be.
The purpose in everything we are going to talk about today is to teach your children what you want them to do and not hammer on what you don’t want you to do.
Example: Stop jumping on the bed. Instead say…You can go outside to jump on the trampoline or you can jump on the floor.
Example: Don’t slam the door. Instead say…Shut the door softly.
Most mothers say…”Stop hitting. Stop jumping on the bed. Stop yelling.” Watch how you talk to your children.