Class member: This morning was interesting. I had the ‘leave the kids behind’ experience again this morning. I left some kids. 2 of them did not have jackets on, but they stood there pouting, but in the mean time 7:30am the car pulls out. Both of those kids went inside. I had one of my older girls just crying. She wanted me to take her back home to walk with them. I went back home and the bus had left the boys were standing there. On the way home my compassion side kicked in. I get home they were pouting and had attitudes. I went down to the school entrance and had breakfast. I said I’m here to collect your breakfast trash. Have a good day.
The next thing I would suggest/invite you to do is to hold a FHE lesson, not specifically on that experience. Tell them you want them to know that when you say something I mean it. Use the Garden of Eden. It’s a teaching not just for those that didn’t get their coats, but for the rescuer siblings. This is part of teaching them to be resilient. I am SO proud of you. We have to have those hard experiences. Those are what teach and train. It’s the failures that are the teaching moments. It’s not when they always do it right.
Class member: Sometimes I feel like I talk too much so I decided to try the non-verbal. I have 3 teenagers and my oldest is 18. I give them their down time after school. We have a chore chart that has worked for the last 10 years. It was his job to unload the dishwasher. He didn’t do it. I nodded my head toward the dishwasher and he got up and went and did it.
Particularly with teenagers non-verbal works well. Humor is a fabulous way.
Class member: This probably combines a lot of things. My baby turns 3 and Saturday he flushes his binky down the toilet. He cried and he cried. He knew what happened to it. I took it as an opportunity for him to lose his binky. My husband and the other boys wanted to go find another one. He really mourned his loss. I had some personal revelation. We laid in bed and I thought I needed to distract him. So we drew a picture of a binky. We drew 6 pictures and he cut them out. He folded them up and put them in his pocket so he had his binky. It was what he needed to overcome his loss. He is sleeping fine and is doing great. He put his last picture on the fridge. That’s where his binky goes.
You need to keep that picture.
Class member: I had a pay day. I have a son that is a junior this year. I have a hard time with the books they are reading in school. I went through and put post it notes over all the bad words. My son said in his class that “My Mom took all the bad words out for me.” It made me feel good that he recognized something good to help him.
It takes work on the part of the mother. Just know that it does. If you want your children to be raised in purity it takes work on the part of the mother.
Class member: My 13 yr old white girl, just rolls with it. I have been telling her for all these years to set her alarm clock at night. I went up and told her that it was her responsibility from here on out to get up with her alarm. She said I’m never going to remember. We talked about consequences that could happen…no breakfast, hair not done. Two days later she forgot, but she heard her brother and woke up 15 minutes late. Today she did it again. She had a total of 15 minutes to get ready and her hair was a rats nest. She went to school that way.
Helping our children learn to be responsible is hard. You have to give them their live..
Class member: My 5 year old daughter has been on probation. She is super smart. She has lost certain privileges. During that time she was cleaning out her room and I was putting her laundry in the washing machine and there were toys that didn’t belong to us. She has been struggling with honesty. I told her to tell me the truth the first time. She said she took them from a friends house. She couldn’t find one of her toys that she had taken. She had to take all her money and put it in a bag. She wrote an “I’m sorry” note. We drove for 30 minutes to get back there. She was a nervous wreck. They weren’t there. I said I have her number I’ll give her a call. She is all panicky. They didn’t answer the phone. We left them a message. We went through the 4 step apology that talked about. After she was done I asked how she felt now she made it right. She felt good. It was hard to do, but I’m glad we did it.
If you can do that at level zero that is the best teaching you could have done. The lecture isn’t going to work. There is one more step I would have added. After the experience I would add kneeling down and asking Heavenly Father to forgive her because then she had the whole forgiveness process. Then when taking the sacrament you can be washed clean again just like you were baptized. She is free from it and you are not allowed to bring it back up.
Class member: One thing I felt like my parents struggled with is that my parents never let it go after I had repented. I want to teach my kids that it’s ok to forgive their selves and move on.
This is the Atonement. If you have done your part and repent then it is gone. We tend to help confess our children’s sins over and over so that they remember how awful that is.
Class member: If you are frustrated with a child and give them a consequence, and then decide later can I say, ‘we need to do something different.’ When do you stick to your guns no matter what?
You don’t want to go back to them groveling. It’s ok to make a mistake and then go back. “I may have been a little quick to make that consequence. Do you have some ideas of what we can do to change the consequence and pick a better one?” You can change the consequence, but don’t let them go scott free. It’s very appropriate. That is how the Spirit guides us. For you to listen to it and feel it says you are listening to the Spirit for each child. You have to parent!
Class member: I have a son with a heart defect and on the spectrum, but he’s very capable to take his meds every day. He needs to take it, but how do I teach him to be more motivated?
He needs to take it when there is no payoff. That is bribery. This is a situation of health and safety and need. If he has a little bit of autism there is still a level of giving them more leeway. You may have to help them a longer period of time. He is going to leave you some day and he needs to learn to do it. I would sit down with him. Talk about your faith in him and how proud you are in him and what he has accomplished through his unique struggles. You know that as he learns these independent living skills. You preface it with “I believe in you.” This is one of those life skills that you need to do because it’s a safety. Then help him problem solve. What can we do to be sure you remember? Let’s talk about it tomorrow. No breakfast until you’ve taken your medicine. You can come up with the non-verbal things you need. Figure out some kind of consequence that relates to the behavior. He is in charge, but you are not out of the loop. This may take longer to form those habits than someone that isn’t struggling with those challenges.
Class member: I want to thank you for “The proper way to say I’m sorry”. We added repentance to it. We did it for FHE. My 5 year old this morning was holding the poster up for her siblings at breakfast.
Class member: We did this with one of my children. She is very intense. It’s hard to believe her and hard to feel sorry. Before you can do that you need to do these steps. I wrote down the steps with blanks. She went to her Dad to apologize. He melted when she came to him with that sincerity. The next day she went to her sister and did the same thing. Her sister is very receptive. In our family counsel on Sunday night we were talking about what we want to do. We talked about this new tool for FHE and we are going to have a FHE lesson on it.
It holds the person who has offended to be accountable.