Class member: It was really hard because my husband works nights so it was hard to be able to ask him what I could do for him.
Class member: I attempted the criticism because I criticize a lot. I am not a sympathetic person. I found out it was an epic fail! I was really good when no one was around me and when I was focused on the things of the Lord. I realized what caused criticism for me.
It’s not a fail if we learn something from it.
Class member: I noticed with the criticism that I didn’t say it outloud, but I thought it in my head.
A goal you might have it content communication. Could you do this one task? Would you mind doing ____? See if that helps pull you out of the critical thoughts.
When I’m having critical thought I say, “What is it that I want from him?” Sometimes I’m just frustrated. Sometimes it’s just that I want to complain. I need to make me happy, but don’t make him responsible for that.
Class member: I’ve been working on the criticism thing between my husband. We have lost some close family and it’s made us look again at my marriage. Our marriage has been rough. What I noticed is that when I was with some of my friends there was some high level of criticism. I was very much aware of my conversations with people and I tried to step back and not be involved in it. I’ve been working on being appreciative of life in general. We can change the course of conversations just by our attitude.
You are exactly right. In our conversations among good people we find fault. One person can have great power.
Class member: I was listening to a podcast and she said, “The secret to parenting is momentum”. When we change ourselves and our behaviors the natural effect is to trickle down to others. We have had our share of trials in our family and sometimes those trials put us in survival mode. We don’t have time to worry about how our relationships are doing. I’ve learned that our attitudes can set the tone for how our homes are.
This is truth! We only have power over changing ourselves. We can’t force anyone to change. As you are making those changes in yourself because you want your relationships to be better, if your goal is to get them to be better because you are changing you will be disappointed. You have to set that goal with pure intent. It’s not attached. You do it because you need to make you a Celestial person. You have to make you a better person. What is a Celestial person? It’s someone who serves.
When you evaluate your success in marriage what they perceive as truth in marriage is his truth. You can have a lot of men who feel like they are very successful in marriage because they have provided you a lot of things, but you may feel misunderstood or alone. To evaluate marriage you have to look at the other person. It’s not a good marriage if one half is feeling like there are needs that are not being met.
Class member: Wouldn’t you argue in the same sense that it’s up to us to make sure our needs are being met on our own.
This is where content communication really comes in. It’s a two-way street.
Class member: I sat in a class at education week with a marriage therapist. He sat in with the Stake President at marriage and he said that she doesn’t have to choose you in heaven. When you are dating you act like you want them to choose you, but after 50 years in marriage would they want to choose you again. Are you behaving that way? I heard, “Your job is to make yourself good and your spouse happy, not make yourself happy and your spouse good.” I felt lighter and happier when I focused on only the good things to cast out the criticism. I realized I’m happier when I look for happy things. If I could make that my focus all my time things would be much better.
The key is to develop a grateful heart. If you are really critical think about gratitude and the criticism goes away.
I was talking to a lady that had grown up in the same community with her husband. He went on a mission and got married 3 weeks after his return. After 5 years her husband died and she hasn’t remarried, but she thinks about him all the time and acts like she is still married to him. We all have trials. It’s what we do with the trials.