Carleen Tanner's Positive Parenting
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Follow up:  Praise vs Encouragement

10/29/2015

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​Class member:  I tried, but I didn’t know say.  I think my focus is more on validating.  There was an instance I was reviewing it with my husband.  He turned it over to me to deal with the boys because he didn’t know how to say it correctly.
 
Class member:  My son has been having issues with the groups playing soccer and other games at recess.  I got home last Thursday and asked him “What do you think you can do about it?”  I’m still following up.  I’ve given him a couple of ideas.  I was aware and I asked him. 
 
At a young age they don’t know the answers.  This is their time to learn.  You don’t teach them in 2 years after they get back off their missions.
 
Class member:  My son is 2 , my daughter 6.  I had to rephrase some things. 
 
You have to be aware, then change, then say things wrong, and then rephrase.  It took me 6 years so it would just roll off my tongue. 
 
Class member:  I was surprised at how much encouragement I actually gave.  I either needed to say nothing or got tongue tied.  I asked…Did you have fun?  What did you think?  I didn’t feel like I had to be in the middle.
 
When they start having it come out of them when they are saying the positive that’s what we want.
 
Class member:  I have a wonderful 17 year old son I’m struggling with right now.  As my thoughts were on him and I was trying to encourage my daughters my tone was still based on what I was feeling for him.  It didn’t sound like encouragement to the girls.
 
We can say the same thing in different tones and it means 2 different things.  We are like a river and everything flows into it.  We stir it around and it shades everything we say.
 
Class member:  This is my 3rd-4th year taking this.  I feel like I’m really good at it now.  I saw the right thing in the right tones.  I found that opera was my best source to yell and get that frustration out.  I find my kids singing opera around the house.  It’s happier than yelling is.  I feel like my kids are now encouraging one another because they hear it all the time. 
 
Can you imagine how fabulous it would be to be raised and hear it right?  That’s the advantage your kids will have over you. 
 
Question…How many of you feel overwhelmed with this class?
 
Class member:  This is my first time.  I missed last week.  I feel like if I had more time to digest.  I’m still back on the family motto.  To have added new information next week.  My goal was 5 things from this class.  I don’t have enough time to process it all.  I’m really hard on myself.  My youngest is in 1st grade this year.  I’m overwhelmed in life generally.  I really want to be good at it.  I have a 13, 11, 7 year old all boys.  It’s something I want to check off my bucket list saying I was a good mom.  Some days I let them make me feel like I’m not perfect.  I feel most criticized by my “perfect” son.  I’ve been afraid to ask “What lack I yet?”  We were ponderizing how we could have our lives centered around Christ.  I’m kind of afraid to ask because I’m afraid of the answer.  I feel like what I lack is how I talk to my kids. 
 
You can’t check that off until you are dead.  I still wonder. 
 
This is what my Dad told me when I was a kid.  There was something I wanted to do and he said no.  He said, “I don’t care if you hate me now.  I care if you hate me when you are 30.”  We can’t be their ‘buddy’ and be their best friends.  We need to be their parent.  When they have 3 kids lets revisit that conversation. 
 
Class member:  Her comment…this is my first class too, because I’m new to the area.  I remember you said it’s up to you if this class is going to change you.  I’m more trying to take it in and trying to see where it takes me.  I’m just now focusing on prayers which was our first class.  I always keep a dry erase marker in my bathroom and write the idea on my mirror.  I had a thought of having a prayer list with the kids.  So the other day I grabbed a sharpie and stuck them by my scriptures.  After we did them I said let’s just talk about who needs our prayers.  We have 6 names/families on there and I only came up there with 2.  I’m just trying to not be overwhelmed with the information.  I’m super chill.  It’s different when you have kids in your 30’s. 
 
Class member:  It’s my first time and I’ve been more trying to listen and take good notes.  It reminds me of General Conference.  It’s not until you are able to focus on them one by one to really take that information in.
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    Carleen Tanner

    Notes from classes and other information will be posted here.  Also you can order syllabus and CDs from the store or check out the "Traditions" that class members have shared.  You can also ask a Parenting and/or Marriage Question.

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