Class member: Learning your children’s spiritual gifts. Also learning about pride.
Pride is when you look to the world to determine your value. True self esteem is when you look to God. It is them understanding their self worth and divinity. It is also how a mother’s self esteem is. It’s not what a mother thinks of the child, but what mother’s perception is
If you say…”I love you, but you didn’t get your room clear done. Can you go back and try again?” They hear…”I cannot do it right for you.” That translates to “If I’m not perfect you (Heavenly Father) won’t love me. I’m not Celestial.”
Children look to Mother’s for guidance and Father’s for acceptance.
What kinds of things can we do in our home to build self esteem….
Class member: Have something they are doing well, spiritual gifts, picture of Christ & temple. I want to adapt their rooms to reflect they are children of God.
Class member: The 4 things to keep them intact…identification, _____________, worthiness, control
Birthday’s are a perfect time to get children to feel individually they are great. Tell about their birth story. They want to rehear it and rehear it. They want to know how the other kids found out you were pregnant.
Class member: I’m over 30 years old and my father called and told me about me when I was born.
Class member: I have a 4 year old little girl. She never feels good enough. How do I make her feel like she’s ok.
You have a child pitting themselves against you. You aren’t doing it. They automatically do that because they put them in competition. You need to focus on things that pull her out of competition. Try not to be doing the same activity as her. Use rites of passage.
In a positive way answer what they should have said. Kids say some really wrong things. They say things to ping on you. Don’t respond to that. Respond to what would have been the proper comment from them. You cannot get offended. If you do you will respond to what they said.
If you are coloring with a child (4 years old) and they start to throw a fit because you are coloring better than they are.
Say… “I’m just like you. I love to color. I’ve been doing it for a really long time. I love being here coloring with you.”
You are taking it out of competition. Anyone in competition wants validation. Part of the competition is to have you say what is best.
Class member: All of my kids went through a stage of wanting to be better than me. I didn’t color ‘bad’ because I am 25 years older than them.
I wouldn’t go lower so they can be the winner. That’s the wrong concept. There is always someone that is better. They need to learn that and there is always someone who is better.
Of those 4 classes what has been your take away? Have you come across something you want to do differently?
Class member: Thinking more positively and focusing on the good they are doing. It’s helped me to see the best things they are doing instead of focusing on the negative. I focused on them putting their shoes on and getting them tied.
Class member: I’m too critical. I really listen and try to stop the words before I start.
First you recognize you are doing it wrong. Then you stop yourself when you say it. Then you catch yourself before you say it. Then you catch yourself and change it and say the right thing.
Class member: It gives us a chance to talk about our parenting with a purpose. It allows us to evaluate ourselves.
It’s called “Righteous Intentional Parenting”. We just want to become aware of what we are doing.
Class member: With the color code I’ve always known what my husband and I are. I figured out what my kids are. I have a white/yellow girl and I liked that there were suggestions on what to do. I like that I have been more aware of what will motivate her to get it done. I also give her a little bit of slack because she didn’t hear it because she is still somewhere else. It’s given me more awareness and tools to use without crushing her soul.
Class member: Teaching with faith and not with fear helped. In the past I thought I don’t want to know what will happen if I don’t pay my tithing. Teaching them the whys of the gospel is important. I’m teaching with faith instead of fear.