All of my missionaries went on missions by saving their money. They earned it, we took it and put it in savings so they had it. We needed to teach them how to have a checking account and debit card.
I think if you don’t teach them about money and how to handle it, then it becomes an emotional thing for them. It’s not a joint experience if you become emotionally invested. It’s a safe thing. Lay it out and say what you are going to do about it. Both of you need to have your play money and learn to live within that.
Finances are one thing that causes a big thing for divorce. It needs to be discussed and trained for kids.
Input/opinion about where this class should go next semester…..
We haven’t been about to come up with a great idea about babysitting.
Did any of you make your children work this week?
Class member: I have a bad habit of asking my kids if everything is fun. I know I was trying to hope that they would find satisfaction and joy, but I’m creating a sense of entitlement. School isn’t always fun. I had to bite my tongue a lot and change what I was saying. I had to ask…Did you work hard in school today? What did you feel good about in school? That helps them find satisfaction about that.
That’s a good point. Most of our youth who have problems going to mutual or women going to Relief Society activity say “That’s not fun I’m not going to go.”
Class member: I remember you lesson about teaching small children. My 1 year old he is really good at picking up. He’s better than his older siblings at picking them up.
At that age they love it. They feel good about it.
Class member: What I realized this week is that our work issues are because of me. A lot of times they come home and have homework. A lot of my kids don’t have a lot of time to work. If they do I find I’m so busy that I don’t stop and say…this and this and this isn’t done, but I’m still quick to complain about it not being done. I have slipped because they have been so busy, but them I’m annoyed that I’m doing everything. I went out of town this last week. I wrote them a long list and left it for them. They had most of it done Friday night so they didn’t have it to do on Saturday. The things I left them were projects.
Ponder question… “When I want to complain about work not done in my home, is it because I haven’t outlined it or set up the program to get it done or is it because children know and just haven’t done it? Do I expect them to act in the responsibility of the mother instead of the child?”
Class member: My friend said we taught them to ‘pick up their things’ rather than to put them away the first time. Don’t ever pick anything up just put it away the first time.
“Teach Ye Diligently” Boyd K. Packer
“We don’t give them the picture of the full job. The kids come in drop their backpack and go to the kitchen to eat. We say, Come back and put your backpack away. Then the next day the same thing happens. The reason they don’t get it is because we are nagging, we are not teaching or training. We are only teaching part of the picture. We need to tell them to put on their coat and backpack and take them back to the driveway and walk back in and then put it away.”
Instead of saying…pick up this and pick up that. You start when they are little to ‘pick up the blocks’. As they get older you have them do the whole room and then have them look at the whole room. They need to go from gopher activity to whole room activity.
Class member: This week we just recently moved, we are building a house. My kids were fighting. My husband got home from work we went and raked our old leaves and all the houses that were for sale. We had tons of kids flocking out of their home to come help. They forgot about fighting. We just kept going around the block until their was no more daylight.
They went from ‘have to work’ to ‘love of work’ by the end of that evening. We need to teach them that enough so they start there.
Class member: We went simple. I took away the ‘they are good at partial cleaning’. Today when you get all your normal things done I will teach you how to do the mirrors and shake out the rugs. She was coming to me about what to do next. She liked having the more responsibility. She even helped me with cooking.
This became a rite of passage because Mom never let her do it, but now it does. She likes that one on one attention from Mom. You have to be involved in it. We can’t say, “go do” it’s “come let’s do”.
Class member: My 7 year old by swept the whole house. I was there with the dustpan. He ate it up too. Before it was just the commitment when you are teaching your kids how to do things right. I wanted to just do it while they were at school.
Class member: I really learned that I didn’t give my kids enough responsibility. Occasionally it was ‘come help me unload the silverware’. I decided I needed to kick it into gear. My kids have a set of chores they have to get done before school. My sister-in-law thinks I have way too many responsibilities on my kids. I feel like she doesn’t do enough. Her daughter who is 14 we were having brownies and they sat on the counter. She says can we have brownies. Then she sat back and wanted me to cut them and serve them.
Mothers tend to be too much of the helicopter Mom’s. It’s easier and faster. When they are 13-14-15 you are mad because they won’t do anything. It’s better to be firm early. Being a mother is NOT a popularity contest. It’s ok if your kids say “I don’t like you!”
Class member: I think it’s important to note that sometimes we keep work in our homes and when there is a scout function, ward party, RS meeting. Those have been my favorite times to stay and everyone can help and staying and help clean. There are other opportunities to serve and work after those functions.
Class member: I was thinking back to your lesson on praise vs encouragement. Sometimes when my kids are asking why they need to help. I will say, “Right now it’s hard for me to get down on the floor to pick things up (because I’m pregnant).” I don’t want to guilt them.
What is the reason you want them to do it?
Class member: I say, “We all have to help each other. I had to do it. Now we need to help each other.”
Blues talk too much.
Class member: Growing up I was taught to work really hard. I have taught my kids that. I realized this last week that I don’t know how to work hard emotionally or spiritually. I think my kids are the same way. It’s way easier to ‘work’ with my kids than it is to spend quality time with them. Physical work is how I cope with things.
It requires effort for some of you to play.
Class member: I think she brings up a good point to do things that are ‘hard’. Some it might be physical and some it might be spiritual. You said, “Because I don’t have to do hard things very often and this is hard.” Usually a good gauge of something hard is that it is something we don’t want to do.
You will find as you come into a different phase of life (as an empty nester) you actually have time to figure out what to do with it. I would love to go into my craft room and quilt and craft and just do the things I want to do. I can do more of that than I used to be able to do, but now is the test. When you are doing your children they are there. You are there. They dictate what you did with your life and your time. When you are older that’s the test of how much do you really love the Lord. Will you choose to serve him? Because you have some options. A lot of retired people choose not to have callings or to travel. You can choose how involved you want to be in things. My husband retired and I was working. What does he do with his day all day. No one is telling you what you have to do. That is the real test. He goes up to the food bank and works there a couple times a week. He goes out to the VA and visits them. He has visited every widow in the ward on a schedule. He has ‘self’ initiated all of those things.
There comes a time that are we going to sit back and not do hard things or how do we show the Lord we are going to serve the Lord. Sometimes necessity…keeping your children there…when you don’t have children there will you still get up and read your scriptures in the morning with your spouse? Will you have family prayer with just your spouse?
It’s interesting when what the Lord wants you to do. I choose to teach this.