Part B: What is the thing you do that makes you a fabulous parent?
Circle the answer of ‘what you do fabulous’. With real intent I want you to scribble out Part A and forget about it. I want you to focus on magnifying Part B.
HOMEWORK: Focus on the thing you do that makes you a fabulous parent.
We are living in a generation of disrespect.
Going back to when I was a child there was a respect for adults, authority, our country. Then we moved to a period of having disrespect for authority and leaders in the 60’s. Now it has swung further where no one respects anyone. Even youth treat each other terribly.
Our movies and our programs especially Disney Channel that they gang up against adults who are really dumb and then they gang up against each other. The role model is just disrespect. Look at what is going on in the world. Everyone has a cause against something. What we are lacking is Parental Authority. It doesn’t mean Parenting Discipline. I think a better word is Parenting Influence. We need to establish a relationship with our children where they will respect us.
Age 8 is the age of accountability. We have to create a position where we are the parent and not their ‘friend’. If we are their friend then they disrespect us. As a parent you have to set standards and consequences. As they go out in that environment they will have already established a respectful relationship with their parents.
Families have to come together and strengthen the family. We are fragmenting our families when they try to ‘become’ something (soccer player, dancer, etc). Pull your kids in and keep them home. If you are saying no you can’t do soccer and you can’t do this, but you have to provide something. You can’t just pull them into a vacuum. We have to pull them in to the family and make the family be something and stand for something. They need to be part of what that picture is. That needs to happen from the beginning.
By the time they are 8 they have to already have that strong feeling of ownership in their family. The family is where it’s happening. That creates Intentional Parenting.
Referee---You have to react to what they do and correct the misbehavior. If that is your only interaction you are not creating this cohesive unit. You have to Intentionally Parent. You have to make your home your number one priority. We do get involved in busy-ness of life. We have to be careful that the busy-ness of life doesn’t distract us from the core of parenting.
Ponder Pad…How often do I “Intentionally” think about how I parent? How often do I think about and create a plan about how to do something instead of just reacting to everyday?
Realize that parenting has to be intentional. Heavenly Father created the Plan of Salvation before he ever created the earth. He knew what he wanted.
We say…I want my children to be strong, have faith, before they leave home. That’s great, but what are you doing to make that plan happen. Our plan becomes ‘buy peace at home’. We give into a lot of things that may not be to the best interest of our home.
Class member: I was talking to my husband about a fun hobby. He said you need to figure out ‘why’ you want to do that. Then you can break it down into smaller subcategories. In Primary we learn that “I am a child of God”.
Class member: We adopted 3 kids a little over 3 years ago. I have 2 biological as well. It was very clear in the beginning that they didn’t have a sense of stability. My husband and I came up with a mission statement that we say after family prayer. This has carried on. Whenever there are people over it includes them. It gives them a sense of belonging. As they are going through and having memories of the past and having hard things come up. We talk about being a “Dixon”. We talk about into the future and how they are still part of it.
There has to be not a buddy. You have to be the parent. Being the parent gives them security. We are not helicopter mom’s or lawn mower mom’s. We have to teach them how to take care of themselves. You have to teach them that process of knowing how to do that. As they learn that they become less reliant on peers and the world because they know that within themselves they can do it.
We need to teach them how to feel part of this unity and structure and then learn that they have the power to handle their own problems and beliefs. You have taught them how. They don’t have to buy all the messages in the world. This world is going to QUICKLY go downhill. We are close to the Second Coming. I think things are going to change pretty rapidly. We need to fortify our children. You feel it in the church when they are ‘hastening’ the work. We have to prepare our kids to do that. Our children have to be strong enough to withstand what is out there.
“Raising Resilient Children” by Lyle Burrup
“One thing that hinders the development of resilience is a misunderstanding of the commandment to be perfect (see Matthew 5:48). This misunderstanding is the most common factor I’ve seen undermining resilience in new missionaries. They want to be perfect in everything because they love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and do not want to disappoint Them. But they do not understand that the Lord works through weak, simple servants (see D&C 1:19–23) and that striving to be perfect does not mean we never make mistakes but rather that we become fully developed or complete through the Atonement of Christ as we strive to follow Him (see Matthew 5:48, footnote b).
This misunderstanding may also stem from what society teaches our youth: that their worth depends on talent and performance. In schools and communities, sometimes even at church or at home, youth see their peers get acceptance, admiration, approval, and praise for being talented at something. So they try to measure up. As they do so, they start to fear failure and mistakes. They choose what to do based on how successful they think they will be. They procrastinate when they do not feel confident. They worry about what others will think if they make mistakes. They fear loss of approval. They view their performance as the measure of their worth. Their perfectionism becomes a mean taskmaster, and it wears down their resilience.
For instance, because missionaries at the MTC cannot choose what they are going to do or not do as part of their training, they make mistakes as they learn how to speak a new language, teach gospel concepts, and perform other missionary tasks. They make these mistakes in front of strangers, and if they haven’t gained a sense of resilience, they feel distressed and overwhelmed.”
I am talking about the training and teaching we do in our home….both spiritual and temporal.
Most of us teach knowledge in our home. We are teaching them concepts all the time…knowledge. You teach them about the Joseph Smith story. They answer all the questions in Primary. We teach facts. We think if they can give the facts back to us then they ‘know’ it.
How many believe that flossing is good for your teeth? 97% said yes. How many of you floss occasionally? 60%. How many of you floss regularly? 32% You go from a high number of those who believe it’s right, but they don’t act on the principle.
What happens between knowledge and conversion? That is what we have to focus on. You are doing pretty good on the knowledge part, but the conversion isn’t good enough.
Even if they flossed every night and did everything right they will still have cavities (trials).
This is how you take learning and make it conversion.
- Knowledge---this gives your children a sense of ‘pride’ (in the sense of the world) where conversion gives them self esteem. They feel their own self value because of what they do. They feel self confident.
- Understanding---Why did Joseph Smith feel confused? Why did he go to the grove to pray? Why did he go and do? He believed that would really happen and that it was true. He had faith and hope that it was true so he went. You help them understand what is going on
- Internalize---Take it from he, there, then to me, here, now. If Joseph Smith is having those problems I can pray now to get an answer because he did it. I can do it because he did it.
- Action---It’s in the doing that we become converted.
- Record---They need to record it so they can remember it.
Elder Bednar uses questions when he is teaching. You ask questions so you get whoever to learn. When someone ‘acts’ (raising their hand to answer) it invites the Spirit to begin to teach us and change us. We then can become converted to that principle.
How do I do this?
Class member: I just had this experience. After church every Sunday we talk about what their lessons were about. My 8 yr old was learning about Joseph Smith. As a family we are reading “Our Heritage”. My brother used to totally active and served a mission and went inactive 3 years ago because of Joseph Smith. I told him that he has to decide if it really did happen. We can tell you all day long this is true, but you have to decide for yourself because it will change your life if you decide. I felt they have to have their own testimonies. My parents taught us all the same way, but 2 of my siblings are not active.
There are 2 things missing. We look at these experiences and say, “If I teach this once then that is it forever.” These kinds of experiences have to happen over and over and over. You have helped him internalize, but he hasn’t acted on it. That is where we have opted out on parenting. You need to help them with real intent to make good choices. Wait for an opportunity where he is struggling with something. That is when you take this story and bring it back to him. “What did Joseph Smith do when he didn’t know what to do? Can I pray with you? Do you think that would help?” You set and example and you give them an application.
How many times have you been told read your scriptures and pray every morning? Do you do it every day?
Don’t get impatient. We need to not be impatient with our kids.
Understanding Church History by Study and by Faith February 2017 Ensign
Hang on to those things that are true and don’t doubt the things you don’t understand.
What are the prophets telling us to do over and over and over? Everything talks about the Sabbath Day and the Sacrament. We have to fortify ourselves there. They are preparing us and telling us how to do it.
Class member: We just recently moved and a Seventy in our ward talked briefly. As we move into the new year they just had an area meeting. They are still worried and concerned that we are going to lose focus on keeping the Sabbath Day sacred.
We are not putting the Savior first. Put aside your own things and do the Lord’s things. It’s the ability to focus on and make the Savior a priority. Come out of the world for one day. As time gets further down this is where we find our strength and peace. Satan carefully leads us down to hell.
Class member: This is where ‘Satan lulls you away’.
You aren’t ‘building the fort’ (fortifying). You have a sand castle when the winds come.
What you watch on TV or Netflix or music…media…desensitizes us to spirituality faster and with less consciousness than what is around us all the time.
Class member: We just had a FHE about the distractions. It’s not about that we are doing anything bad, but it’s a distraction from doing what is good. It’s so consuming.
I look at my life…why am I not indexing for an hour a week? I don’t have children at home. Look at “Good, Better, Best”. I’m doing good stuff, but am I doing ‘best’ stuff. Everyone needs to look at themselves and think about doing what is ‘best’.
All things are temporal AND spiritual.
This list is not your ‘to do’ list. It’s to help you start thinking. You are responsible to teach them in all areas so they have self confidence when they leave you. They need to learn they can make mistakes and do them over and fix it. They need to do it over and over until they become good at it.
These are maybe things you haven’t thought about….This is to prepare them for life. This is not gender specific.
- Car care---oil, tires, window washer fluid
- Budget---use, save, tax returns, savings, tithing, fast offerings
- Mission savings
- Make their own appointments
- Use the telephone to talk
- Teach FHE and other teaching assignments
- Meal planning---plan, shop, cook, clean up
- Yard work---lawn, gardens, weeds
- Cell phone use and manners
- Tax returns
- How to clean---toilet, sheets
- Keep their own calendar
- Clean out the trap under the sink.
- Unclog a toilet
- Political ideas
- Memorize their social security number
- Know etiquette
- Buy gifts for siblings and parents---earn the money, go to the store, buy the gift, wrap it, and give it.
- Develop relationships with extended family members
- Use electronics and put proper protections on them and hook them up
- Work past comfort!
- Be able to problem solve. Don’t give them the answers.
- See the needs in others and do something about it.
- Have a simple plan for their future and know the steps to get there
- Understand what a resume and interviewing is
- Know the basics to health, food, hygiene, and basic sewing.
- Have a hobby—They need to know that learning should continue. They should continue to seek learning. Hobbies take them in that direction. They are different than someone else because they can do this.
Your children need to learn a lot of things.
In the Book of Mormon, Mormon was helping to prepare the Nephites for the Lamanites attack when there was no war. He build a ditch, put spikes around the city, stacked up dirt, built towers, fortifies Nephites with armour. He did all of this in times of peace so when the Lamanites came the Nephites had the advantage.
When we read the war chapters we wonder why it’s there. We TODAY are going to war against Satan. You will be targeted. Satan wants you because you have made targets. If you don’t have ears to hear or eyes to see then you hear the topic and you turn it off. If you have heard it and you hear it again you better pay attention to it.
My Mom wrote me a letter when I was in the early stages of parenting. She said sometimes I feel like we hear the same things over and over and we aren’t told anything new because we aren’t listening to and doing what he asks us to do.
HOMEWORK: As we talk about these 5 things evaluate where you are in them.
These are the latter day fortifications. These are things we do to build a fortress in our homes. They can be in the fortress until they go out on their own.
Must be meaningful and with intent. The attitude is probably just as important as what we actually say in the prayer.
President James E. Faust said, “Praying together as a family is a bonding experience. Younger children can learn how to pray as they hear the prayers of their parents and older siblings. … Individual prayer and family prayer are indispensable to personal and family happiness.”
Feb 2001 “No Substitute For Family Prayer”
President Ezra Taft Benson taught: “Just a few words added to the blessing on the food, as is becoming the custom in some parts, is not enough. We need to get onto our knees in prayer and gratitude.”
Blessings Promised by President Hinckley….The Blessings of Family Prayer Ensign Feb 1991
- Check the dread disease that is eroding the character of our society
- Developed within the family a new appreciation, a new respect, a new affection one for another
- A love for others above self
- A respect for others
- A desire to serve the needs of others
- Build within the hearts of our children a much-needed respect for authority
- Nothing that will so much help to ease family tensions
- bring about the respect for parents which leads to obedience
- erase the blight of broken homes
- Restore integrity, mutual respect, and a spirit of thankfulness
Don’t evaluate your success on the amount you cover and how much you think your children are hearing. Don’t get in such a box that you think it only has to be one way. The commandment is to have ‘scripture study’ each day. “Little children need to learn the language of the scriptures” Say the words and have your children.
“This Day” Henry B Eyring April 2007
“A morning prayer and an early search in the scriptures to know what we should do for the Lord can set the course of a day. We can know which task, of all those we might choose, matters most to God and therefore to us. I have learned such a prayer is always answered if we ask and ponder with childlike submission, ready to act without delay to perform even the most humble service.”
President Ezra T Benson “Cleansing The Inner Vessel” April 1986
“I counsel you, my beloved brothers and sisters and friends everywhere, to make reading in the Book of Mormon a few minutes each day a lifelong practice. “I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to that counsel. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.” (Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1960, pp. 110–13.)”
- Spirit of reverence will increase
- Mutual respect & consideration for each other will grow
- Spirit of contention will depart
- Parents will counsel in love and wisdom
- Children will be more responsive and submissive to counsel
- Righteousness will increase
- Faith hope and charity will abound
- Peace joy and happiness in your home.
Family Home Evening
President Hinckley “FHE won’t always be a spiritual high…it is the growth over time that reaps the blessings”
Promises: It will take away stress, give direction to our lives, adds protection to our home (increase capacity to not listen to inappropriate music or watch inappropriate videos), love will increase, obedience will increase, youth will gain power to combat the evil influences that will beset them.
C Scott Grow---BYU Devotional
Somehow, a tradition has developed in the Church. In fact, you may have heard members say, "We hold our family home evenings on Sunday, and on Monday nights we have activities." Note that the First Presidency letter says that Monday Night is the time for family home evenings. Also note that Monday night is not for activities, but as they counsel, "to teach the gospel in their homes."
I hope that you can have vision to see what the prophets are seeing as they give us this counsel. Satan is targeting our homes and families. The day has passed when we can be casual in holding family home evening, daily family scripture study, or family prayer and still have real hope to hold our children close to the family and close to the Church.
The commandment is ‘regular temple attendance’. What is ‘regular’ and what is ‘often’? You pray about those words. This is where we go to meet God. You need to go and prepare yourself mentally. This is where you can be spiritually and emotionally fed. The temple is truly holy grounds. Listen to the words of those covenants. Come to understand the power of the blessings you have already been given. This is where you can come out of the world and be fortified to stand in the world. The temple and the sacrament should be the most sacred growing and reaching out places.
(Vaughn J. Featherstone)
1-If a man, you will become mighty; if a woman, powerful (D&C 109:22 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;)
2-It will serve as great "insurance protection" for your marriage (D&C 132:19 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.)
3-The blessings of the Eternal Gods will be called down upon you. (D&C 109:12, 14 That thy glory may rest down upon thy people, and upon this thy house, which we now dedicate to thee, that it may be sanctified and consecrated to be holy, and that thy holy presence may be continually in this house; And do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house may be taught words of wisdom out of the best books, and that they may seek learning even by study, and also by faith, as thou hast said)
4-Unseen angels will watch over your loved ones when Satanic forced tempt them (Acts 27:33 And while the day was coming on, Paul besought them all to take meat, saying, This day is the fourteenth day that ye have tarried and continued fasting, having taken nothing.)
5-Your families will draw close to the Lord and there will be no empty chairs in the celestial kingdom. (Hymn#301 I Am A Child of God)
6-Your children will go on missions (D&C 109:58 That from among all these, thy servants, the sons of Jacob, may gather out the righteous to build a holy city to thy name, as thou hast commanded them.)
7-Your children will marry in the temple. (Conference Talks)
8-The veil will be thin, you will have great spiritual growth and many spiritual experiences will distill upon you. (D&C 138)
9-You will be prepared for exaltation--with a celestial mind, celestial body and a celestial personality (3 Nephi 12:3, 20 Yea, blessed are the poor in spirit who come unto me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Therefore come unto me and be ye saved; for verily I say unto you, that except ye shall keep my commandments, which I have commanded you at this time, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.)
10-You will see clearly how to make critical decisions that weigh heavily on your mind (D&C 109:42 But deliver thou, O Jehovah, we beseech thee, thy servants from their hands, and cleanse them from their blood.)
11-You will become Christlike. (D&C 109:22-25 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;
“Temples & The Work Therein” David B Haight October 1990
“John A. Widtsoe wrote: “I believe that the busy person on the farm, in the shop, in the office, or in the household, who has his worries and troubles, can solve his problems better and more quickly in the house of the Lord than anywhere else. If he will … [do] the temple work for himself and for his dead, he will confer a mighty blessing upon those who have gone before, and … a blessing will come to him, for at the most unexpected moments, in or out of the temple will come to him, as a revelation, the solution of the problems that vex his life. That is the gift that comes to those who enter the temple properly.” (“Temple Worship,” The Utah Genealogical and Historical Magazine, Apr. 1921, pp. 63–64.)”
“Gratitude on the Sabbath Day” Henry B Eyring October 2016
- Invitation… “You might well be wondering what you could do to live and worship on this Sabbath day to demonstrate your gratitude and to strengthen yourself and others for trials that lie ahead.”
- Action… “You could begin today with a private and family prayer of thanks for all God has done for you. You could pray to know what the Lord would have you do to serve Him and others. Particularly, you could pray to have the Holy Ghost tell you of someone who is lonely or in need to whom the Lord would have you go.”
- Promises… “I can promise you your prayers will be answered, and as you act on the answers you will receive, you will find joy in the Sabbath, and your heart will overflow with thankfulness.”
HOMEWORK: Read “Gratitude on the Sabbath Day” Henry B Eyring October 2016 and make a list of what to do.
Because the prophets have promised it we are headed for rough waters. Look at the media and nature. Look at the wickedness in the world. As a whirlwind passes through it’s going to get worse. We cannot be complacent. We have to fortify our family. Satan is anxiously engaged in destroying them. His time is short and he knows it. The Lord has told us how to do it. These 5 things are the beginning of fortifying our home. They all involved consciously parenting. They have to happen in your home in a Spirit of love and joy not fear and doom. We need to have Christ centered homes and even if the world falls your home will stand firm and he will be there because you have invited him through your obedience.