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Dear Sister Tanner,
This isn't a question but this is the only place I could find to write a note. I have four boys and it doesn't get any more honest than to say that I wonder why Heavenly Father sent these precious little souls to an ornery, impatient lady who constantly walks the line of insanity and whose favorite time of the day is when they go to bed. I imagine if I ever admitted that out loud, people would ask me why I had kids in the first place. Well, the first two were because I didn't know any better, and the second two were because through personal revelation in the temple, I knew they were supposed to come to our family. I did have the agency to say no, but I also know better than to go against God's will. However, every single time I yell at them, I again wonder why God sent them to someone who doesn't give them the constant, level zero love and discipline they deserve. Your lesson about stress and adversity did help me feel empowered. I have hope that with God, all things are possible. Before my kids get into the teenage stage of life, I really hope I can be a happier, more patient person so I don't drive them away completely. I'm going to take on your suggestion of writing each of them a letter for Mother's Day, I think it will help me feel more grateful to God for letting me take the motherhood journey instead of questioning whether or not He should have sent kids to me in the first place.
How I wish I could just hold you for a minute and let you know how much you are loved!! Heavenly Father sent you His precious spirits because He knew that with His help you could do it and do it well.
There is no question but He did what was best for you and the little ones. Oh how He loves you! You just need to stop questioning if you can do it and if they would be better off somewhere else. The answer is yes you can do it and no they need you! Satan wants to keep you in a spin, he wants you to doubt yourself, and be miserable like unto himself. Know that Heavenly Father does not doubt you and He is ready to help you every minute of every day. Pray to see your little ones as He sees them but also pray to see yourself as He sees you.
What a wonderful gift you have been given. The best gifts stretch us and make us grow. Pray to love them as He loves them, pray to feel His love for you. You can do it. You are never alone. He loves you, believe that!