Class member: Daughter having problems putting shoes in the basket. She walked her outside and walked her clear through the entire thing and now she is much better about it.
Class member: I have been taking this class for awhile, but I really noticed what a big difference it has made in our home. I spent spring break with my sister. I’ve never really stayed in her house. Our parenting skills were about the same at the beginning. My sister was constantly yelling and by the end of the week I was feeling bad inside and I wasn’t even getting yelled out. I just kept thinking about Sister Tanner’s drops in the bucket. So I tried to build them up.
You change in percentages. It’s fun to have an experience like that where you can go somewhere and see what you used to be like and notice how different you are. You are changing and you are different. You just don’t see it.
Class member: We are concentrating on preparedness. We decided to put it into action. We were going to have a mock evacuation. My daughter and son-in-law were on board. We woke them up at 4:30am. There’s been a gas leak grab your 72 hour kits and we need to get out of the area. We were out of the house for 15 minutes. We went out in the hills and spent the night. We only had what was in our kits, our tent, and our sleeping bags. It was a true test of how they would get along and how they would listen to us. It helped having the older kids with us too. We learned that there were things we would do differently, but we learned how to get along together. We are going unplugged for 1 month….no cell phone, internet, ipods. I told them that we can do hard things. We don’t need to be reliant on something. We are pulling together more.
That is the reaction to addiction. When you are addicted to electronics or chocolates you would yell and scream and throw a tantrum. When you get into the “I can’t do it.” We have different addictions. Some are addicted to texting.
Class member: When we self evaluated I found I wasn’t specific enough. “Get this done before Dad gets home.” It’s different every day. I’ve been focusing on doing what I say. My 9 year old has been throwing fits and regressive.
They are pushing and trying to go back to where you were.
Ashley had twins and she couldn’t do anything, but barely survive at the end of pregnancy. Her kids got away with a whole bunch of stuff. Then she had them and they were still getting away with stuff. The last few days her 4 year old has been pouting and throwing a fit or crying. I asked her “What’s going on with her?” Ashley said, “Well, Mom I’m starting to discipline again. She doesn’t like it.” I had to laugh because Hailey had gotten off with nothing for so long. It’s been fun to watch.
Class member: I’ve noticed when I ask them to get off the computer for scriptures and prayers instead of getting madder and madder I just go over and turn off the screen. It’s just getting more consistent. They keep waiting and waiting. It’s working better that way.
When you start at level zero to act, you actually have the power to smile when you do it. You can even chuckle. You have the power within you to still be happy. It’s the energy that it takes to let it go and then get angry. It doesn’t require more energy to do it early, it just requires different. What is the energy level when you are mad? If you use the same energy early and use it in a positive way it take different energy and you have power over it. If you wait until later you start being powerless because you are giving it to them.
Question: I let my kids have a little screen time, do you let them finish what they are doing or stop it in the middle of their game?
Answer: We need to be respectful of our children. I get very irritated with my husband when I’m in the middle of preparing a lesson and he comes in and says, “I need you to help me right now.” There is an element of respect. It’s important to be respectful, however you need to be careful what you say up front. If you say we are going to turn it off right now to fix dinner. When you say you have screen time for a half and hour, They say, “I’m right in the middle of my game.” If it means can I play for 10 more minutes I’m ok with that, but if it lasts an hour. Let them watch until the end of the program. If they are ½ way into the next program…then no. It’s up to you and what you say in the beginning.
If you go in before the time is up you can give them a 10 minute warning. It allows them time to be able to get off.
I always believe in being sure they have a heads up. I like using timers so they can watch the time. Still at the ten minute mark warn them.
You have conditioned your kids to not listen to you. If at 5 minutes to the hour we have to be in the car. At 5 minutes you get in the car.
Class member: I have used the non-verbal communication. I call their name and point to my watch. That means 5 minutes. Then at 5 minutes I just start walking for the car and then they start to come.
At the 5 minutes you acted.
Class member: We have a junior and a sophomore and junior drives to school. He goes early to get help with Math. This morning she needed to be there early. I woke him up and told him she needed to be there early. He knew. They didn’t end up leaving early. I said, “If you expect her to be respectful of you then you need to be respectful to her.” Did I do the right thing?
Yes. There is a couple of options. I would have him do a make-up. You need to do something kind and nice for her because you made her late. The other thing you could do is if he is the one who’s late you could take her to school and he doesn’t get the car that day. A car is a privilege and they have to earn it. If they don’t earn it they don’t get it. It’s more inconvenient for you.
Class member: Older sister drives the 2 younger sisters to school each day. The younger girls have been running late. If you are not in the car at a certain time she has my permission to leave. That’s much better than nagging. It preserves the relationship.
Class member: I have a son who is just slow unless he really wants to do it. We have been late to the bus numerous times. I got a piece of paper and told him he had to be done with these things be a certain time.
There was a family. They had a 3 year old that had a tricycle. They set rules for her. You can ride your tricycle to the corner. She went around the corner and went around the block. She yelled and screamed. She looked to the little girl and said, “I told you that you couldn’t go past the corner.” The little girl said, “What’s a corner?” Some of them just really don’t know. Make sure that they really understand that.
Class member: I have 5 kids. The youngest 2 are the furthest apart. They fight, but they can’t be away from each other. This year the youngest is in 4th grade and the other one went to middle school. We had the biggest struggle for the first 3 months of school. I was praying about it one day and received the inspiration that he was really struggling with a lot of things. I said, “Let’s pick up Alex.” His best friend. It solved the problem.
Last night I was speaking to the Laurels…4 wards combined. At one point I asked them, “Who would be the scribe on the board.” I said, “Do you realize that when you were 8 years old you made a covenant to serve? I expect that every time I ask a question every hand would go up, including leaders.” When I ask a question every hand needs to go up. 3 hands went up. I said, “No, that won’t do.” Then the hands went up. That was practice. They thought I was crazy by the time the night was over.
Would you explain what the new youth program is? I teach the 16 year old in the ward. It’s a way to get them to interact more. It gives them responsibilities to teach it themselves. One teacher sends emails with links and gives them a section to read in an article. Every month there is a different topic. Then there are different things to teach on. Pray about it and teach what you need. It’s on us to prepare. I do give homework. It’s not so much as being a teacher, it’s more of a discussion. I direct the discussion. I like that they know their responsibility to learn and to share testimony. In their Sunday School class we share what they learned in their class and what stood out to them. It’s them bearing testimony to strengthen their testimonies. I’ve heard that the whole idea is to take them from a knowledge base to a conversion base. It’s completely led by the Holy Ghost. There was a period of time where there was a silence, usually you go in and rescue the kids, but she got a feeling to just wait. One of the kids that never talks shared something. Sometimes you just have to be patient. The other thing that is interesting helps you develop a lot of compassion in that circle. It helps you understand that person. She knew that it was safe and she felt like she belonged. As teachers you see in the youth that they are smart. They have such a great strength to let them flower and bloom. They are already amazing, but it’s helping them understand who they are and it becomes part of them.
I love these comments. How many of you have been a RS teacher, Primary teacher and prepared a great deal? You studied and thought about lots of things. We tend to think and serve on a different level than we do in our parenthood. Is the same energy put into a FHE lesson. Is it with the same thought and preparation the way we do in our church callings? No. Looking at the world our children live in, they would go to school and would be told we are having a test and this is what it will cover. You need to learn these things. Here is the study guide. You need to be able to memorize this and draw this diagram. These are the things that will be on the test. They sit down and answer everything. They studied and get an “A” and then they go onto the next thing. Now they get the worksheet and do that test. Then they go to college and it’s the same thing. They graduate with honors.
Then they get into their home or missionary situation, they go out doing the same thing they did at home. They memorize the lesson plan and they want to be good. They give the lesson exactly how they memorized it, but they didn’t give the right answer. They are happy to obey the rules, but if someone doesn’t obey the rules they will do it. They can’t think for themselves and they can’t problem solve. They don’t know how to express feelings. Relationships because they aren’t on a study guide they can’t learn it.
At home, they come home from school with a problem. Their friend doesn’t want to be their friend anymore. You solve it for them. They come to you with a problem and you solve it. They go through lives with us telling them what to do or solving their problems. I had no idea how to think for myself. I was always afraid that whatever I did was wrong.
We are raising children who go out into the world depend on Mom and Dad. Now we get them married and they go to Mom and Dad for advice. It creates marital conflicts. The church realizing we have a problem with our youth and in order to raise valiant spirits they have to be able to think and stand up in a group. The way we are raising them it’s not happening. We want them to be strong. The whole new teaching program has come out.
President Clark, President Eyring, and Elder Bednar are the 3 main people who have evolved this program with our youth.
Faith and Prayer
Shortly before coming on my mission, I visited the World's Fair in Seattle, Washington. This was truly a wonderful experience to see the industry and culture of the world on display. I thrilled at the fair's landmark, the Space Needle, which towered 625 feet above the crowded Seattle streets. I marveled at the giant tramway which looked as if it be- longed to another world. These and countless other exhibits and displays held me spellbound for the entire two days. The highlight of the entire fair, for me, was the United States Science exhibit. Here was a gigantic structure of superb architectural design costing in the neighborhood of nine million dollars. It was filled with curious, and a.we= inspiring exhibits which pointed out unmistakably that the world we live in did n ot come about by chance but that it is a part of a great and ingenious plan devised by a greater power. One of these exhibits in particular made a profound impression on me which I shall always remember. There was a man standing on a platform holding an ordinary 2x4 board in his hands. His assistant pulled a lever which caused a tremendous amount of electricity to flow into the man's body. The power of the electricity was so great that the board almost instantly caught fire. The man, however, was unharmed. " Improvement Era 1964
Class member: I love the new “call to action”. You challenge them to use it. Educated Demonstrate, Guide, and Empower (EDGE). They incorporate it into your life.
Class member: In one of my classes we were talking about service. It was before we were supposed to implement this program. Our girls were feeling comfortable enough to share. She said I’m really having a hard time and do you think there is something we can do for my sister. We put together this basket and delivered it anonymously. They acted and it was empower for them.
Teaching Children To Be Valiant
Alma 53:20-21 (Stripling Warriors)
20 And they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all—they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted. 21 Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him.
There is a couple of words here that as far as being a parent are extremely important. It says….“taught to keep the commandments and walk”. Keep & WALK is an action word. They had to do them.
21 Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and I did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them.
Obey, observe to perform. They acted with exactness.
Ponder---think on, study, prepare, personal connection, how to receive inspiration for yourself.
All the answers are right. How many of you PONDER? It is a commandment. You stop and think about how you are teaching the commandment and how you are doing in keeping the commandment.
Ponder is not a journal. We think about our journal. We think…I did this and this and this. That’s not pondering. That’s reviewing.
Pondering—gain understanding, insights, and inspiration. It’s not to make you feel guilty. It’s to create an understanding.
Class member: Elder Bednar “Active Doctrine” related pondering as a way to make you act. Think about the principle and it causes you to move.
Pondering is hard work. It takes getting out of your busy life. It’s takes withdrawing from the noise of the world. You can take mini-moments to ponder. My ponder time is when I shower. In the shower I can’t hear anything else. I’m by myself. I can meditate on whatever. Pondering time can be when you vacuum. It shuts out everything. Pondering has to be done in private. You can’t do it in a group setting or the noise of the world. You have to ponder by yourself. Some of you like to ponder while you run.
I want you to have ponder time. I want you to ponder 2 things. Look at…
“How you teach in your home.” Discipline, FHE, Mini-moments daily. Do you lecture? Do you just tell them what they need to know? Do you ask a lot of questions? Do you scold them?
“How much time do you take to teach? When do you take those moments?” Do you teach like the old school teachers…here’s your study guide. Do they learn facts to pass the test and answer the right questions? Are we teaching knowledge? It’s good, but it’s not enough. Then I want to you formulate 2 questions. The question might be
- How can I teach better?
- How can I find time?
- I’m really having problems with my son. How can I teach him?
- How can I make my marriage sweeter? I love him, but I don’t like him. I need to do both.
Then as you listen to conference, instead of taking notes, look to the answer on those questions. At the end of conference you will have answers to those questions. Then ponder them. You will have a richer experience than you have had for a long time.
How do we take what the church has given us as a guideline and incorporate it in our home so we are preparing valiant children? Most of you are raising good children, but they have to be Valiant! They have to be that notch up. That testimony within them is burning and guides them and answers questions. We have to teach them not to rely on us, but have that flame grow within them.
In BYU-I this is how they are teaching in all their classes. They are using this learning model in every class….business, chemistry, physics, religion….all of them. We need to incorporate them into everything. When you parent with a purpose this learning model becomes the core of your purpose. We need to learn what it is.
5 Principles (from BYU-I Pathways Program)
- Exercise faith in Christ as a principle of action and power.
- To understand that true teaching is done by and with the Holy Ghost.
- Lay hold on the word of God as found in the scriptures and words of the prophets.
- Act for themselves and accept responsibility for learning and teaching.
- Love and serve and teach one another thru the 3 step process of...prepare, teach, prove & ponder.
As we teach we must teach the Atonement. It empowers us to act. Joseph Smith said faith is a principle of action. Faith is not belief. We have a lot of members that know the gospel is true, but we choose what we do. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ impels to action.
All true teaching in our home, must be taught by and received by the power of the Holy Ghost. You are going to have a lot of experiences where it’s not in place.
Question: Is that normal for most of us Moms want to have it as a sanctuary and peace or do we need to teach them by the Holy Ghost?
Answer: Yes…they need that sanctuary. It’s good. When you have a child that is preparing for baptism they need to know what the Holy Ghost feels like, how to access it. When you have a FHE lesson that everyone is feeling good identify it. It’s a happy happy feeling. They need to recognize it. They need to recognize this is the Holy Ghost in my family. This feeling (happy or warning) is what it is.
Read the quote from Parley P. Pratt Key to Theology pg 98-99 Talks about all the things the Holy Ghost does. Teach your children those things.
Question: Do we need to expose them to things where they feel the contrast of the Holy Ghost missing?
Answer: No! The world will expose them to that. When they are little tiny you still need to teach them. We invite the Holy Ghost into our homes and when we choose to act differently we invite it to leave.
#3---Lay hold on the word of God as found in the scriptures and words of the prophets.
Study the scriptures in your home. Help them understand what the scriptures mean. What do the words mean. In the last year the Ensign is changing. “The Conference Notebook” section is great. They take something from the last conference and studying it. There are questions to ponder. Those are the things you talk to your children about. You present them and have them answer it. Post the questions prior to FHE and let them think about it before. We have to consciously implement it in our home. You will find the same thing in the Friend and the New Era. You should be doing the words of the living prophets and scriptures throughout the year.
#4--Act for themselves and accept responsibility for learning and teaching.
We need to stop lecturing. Children should be presenting FHE lessons. They should present part of the lesson. It’s the same as the new church model. You prepare them prior to class to think about something. You are going to have a hard time at 4:30 in the afternoon to teach at 5pm.
#5--Love and serve and teach one another thru the 3 step process of...prepare, teach, prove & ponder.
This needs to be the core of teaching in our home.
- It’s helping them understand and know. If you are teaching the First Vision…you assign one of them to tell the story instead of you do it.
- Have your teenager pick a talk, everyone reads the talk ahead of time. We are going to do a couple of things. I try to help you prepare for class by giving you assignments. I’ll ask you next week how you have done. Some of you have done the assignments. Some have done the assignment and then share.
- Those who share gain the most. Why? I think when you are thinking about how you are going to be sharing. You look for those things during the week. Then you are ready to share it. I think it shows gratitude to Heavenly Father. We understand that because we acted Heavenly Father acted. It shows accountability. You are making that choice and then sharing your testimony of it.
- How many of you actually get up and bear your testimony when you feel prompted at church?
- The power of the Holy Ghost bears testimony to us. When we say it out loud the power touches our heart and says that is true. The Holy Ghost testifies right then and then that it’s right. It becomes a part of us. The best way to keep that information with you is saying it out loud. The action of speak invites the Holy Ghost to testify.
- If you want your children to be taught they have to speak. They have to open up and say something to testify if it’s true. If you do all the talking they are learning knowledge, but it’s not the same experience as if they will open up and teach each other. In some of your homes it’s scary to open up in your home. It becomes your responsibility to create safety. This starts with giving more specific assignments. Tell us the story and then tell us how that makes you feel or what your thought are on that story.
- This is where they do the talking. It’s an organized discussion. There will be times where you will do the lecture series.
- Example: I was talking to my husband about using this teaching model in parenting class. I believe in this, but I have a hard time giving them information that they don’t have without lecturing. I want to be able to say the things I know and have learned. The sharing time we have at the first of each class…that’s our discussion. That’s where I want you to teach each other.
- It needs to be ok to share your failures as well.
- I’m teaching you new tools, then go home and ponder, and try it.
3. Ponder & Prove:
- You need to try it.
- If you try it you might like it. J
- We are trying to implement the process.
- You need to think about it, try it and record it.
- "O Remember Remember" by Henry B Eyring, Ensign October 2007---Keep a journal of the tender mercies you have seen, it's a learning journal, record your inspiration or thoughts.
- You need to record promptings you have had. I kept a notebook of things that I learned for 1 ½ years and then life got crazy and hard. I put it on a shelf. After 4 years in a cleaning mode I pulled it back down and started reading the answers to some of the questions that I had. I found I was still asking myself the same questions. If you do something about it then you can move onto a new problem.
You have a lesson on the Conference talk on taking care of the elderly.
1. Preparation: When her children were all at home she would have them say hello by name to all the widows in the ward. It was the little things that mean a lot. It makes them aware.
2. Teach: FHE lesson on respect for elderly. Ask them questions about what they have learned.
3. Application: Being nice was easy. Instead have them visit a nursing home every Sunday for 6 months. Have your children journal about this. To retain what they have learned they have to come back to it and reteach/repeat. Reteach within 2-3 days they will retain better.
· What are you teaching? At the end of the 6 months you will find someone that you love and you will adopt them. They can have “President Monson” experiences within the nursing home. Then are they won’t be scared to go to them when they are on their missions.
Example: Lesson on the poor
3. Application: Take them to soup kitchen and serve. Go to the Idaho Food bank. Go to cannery. They need to do something, but then don't forget to follow up. The "doing" process changes them from being good to being valiant. Teach them how to talk to different people in different life styles. Your children are terrified to talk to people that are different. You let them talk to and learn about and associate and find the stories about these people. Let them have compassion for those in need.
Example: Eternal families
3. Application: Have them find a name and take it to the temple to do baptisms for the dead.
3. Application: Plan a service project. Do something hard.
They become valiant when we train them like the mother’s of the stripling warriors. We have to create those opportunities for them. We have to let them do the teaching.
Story: Professor & Chalk
There was a professor of philosophy who was a deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn’t exist. His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. For twenty years, he had taught this class and no one had ever had the courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever really gone against him because of his reputation. At the end of every semester on the last day, he would say to his class of 300 students, "If there is anyone here who still believes in Jesus, stand up!" In twenty years, no one had ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next. He would say, "Because anyone who believes in God is a fool. If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that He is God, and yet He can’t do it." And every year, he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. All of the students would do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the students thought that God couldn’t exist. Certainly, a number of Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years, they had been too afraid to stand up.
Well, a few years ago there was a freshman who happened to enroll. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about his professor. He was required to take the class for his major, and he was afraid. But for three months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said, or what the class thought. Nothing they said could ever shatter his faith...he hoped.
Finally, the day came. The professor said, " If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up!" The professor and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the classroom. The professor shouted, "You FOOL!!! If God existed, he would keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!" He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleat of his pants, down his leg, and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away unbroken. The professor’s jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at the young man, and then ran out of the lecture hall. The young man who had stood, proceeded to walk to the front of the room and shared his faith in Jesus for the next half hour. 300 students stayed and listened as he told of God’s love for them and of His power through Jesus.
Will your child stand up and have the courage to say “I believe!”?