HOMEWORK:  

1. Go over syllabus and the Parenting styles for each color.
2. Get a separate notebook or paper.  One page for each child & your spouse.  Dedicate one day to each person.  During that day pray specifically for each child (or your spouse).  Have a conversation with Heavenly Father to seek enlightenment to understand who that child is.  What are their strengths?  What are their weaknesses? How can you best influence them for good.  Look at each one as an individual and try to go in with an open mind and not preconceived ideas.  Express your love to that child (or your spouse).
3. Read "Divine Discontent" October 2019 Sister Michelle D Craig

Here is a link to the Hartman Color Code Personality Test.  The Basic assessment is Free.

​How did your week go? Did you find those colors in personalities?  I want you to see what it looks like.  Did you study your syllabus?  What kind of experiences did you have?
 
Class member: I’ve always known my husband was a white.  I had him do the test.  Some of his answers kind of surprised me.  He talked about being shy and timid. I thought back to when we were dating and I did realize he was like that.  I took the test so he understood me better.  It was good for both of us to take that in and see where we come from.
 
It’s a misconception to think that a white can’t be a dynamic leader.  It’s because they have learned attributes of another color.  The goal is that then you focus on learning those other behaviors. 
 
Class member:  2 years ago I remember thinking I have no idea what my husband is.  He read through them and said I think I’m all of them except blue.  Last week I thought he was a red.  I had him read through it and I think he is. My oldest (8yrold boy) is a red and I am a blue.  I feel like I just need to explain the color to him.  I want him to understand that he is different than his blue brother.
 
The goal is to become a rainbow.  I think we have one core color, but in different situations you may be a different color.  I think this is a tool for understanding and learning a way to teach your children.  It’s not to pigeon hole them to keep them in their color.  I think it’s the guide to help you know how to individualize your teaching. 
 
Blues & Reds want to control their children.  Blues control because they want to make their children righteous. Reds control because they are right, they know what to do themselves. 
 
It’s a tool to help them understand and nurture their individual children.
 
Class member:  If I took this when I was a college student I would have been a full yellow.  This time I had very little yellow.  How do I bring back the yellow and bring it into parenting?
 
Both reds and blues have very strong personalities.  A Reds need is power.  A Blues need is intimacy.  When you look at something like this…you teach him to be kind and her to be assertive.  A 13 yr old white girl doesn’t have to obey her 11 yr old brother. 
 
Class member:  I have a red son.  I am a red.  We have a real fun time.  This weekend my husband and I were a couple houses away and put this 11 yr old boy in charge.  He gets bossy and mean.  We said, “You are in charge, but you aren’t bossy.  You need to help your sisters do things without commanding them.”  It was the cutest thing ever.  He got them to do their chores and get ready for bed.  He did it without getting mean.  I could watch the videos of him trying to do it correctly. 
 
Your Red doesn’t know how to have power in a kind way without you showing them how to do it.  They have to see a picture of it.  If we don’t teach it they don’t know it.  That was fabulous.  I hope you really validated them.  See where their weakness is and train them and encourage them.  Then give them lots of opportunities to fail.  

If the Savior could give you one thing…a pill you could take…something that would help you get through this journey in life…one thing that no one could take away from you until you die.  What would it be?
 
Class member: Compassion for others and how I could help them.
Class member:  Wisdom
Class member:  Ability to see people like the Savior does—charity
Class member:  Knowledge if I always knew how to respond to this.
Class member:  If I could constantly feel the Holy Ghost
 
Solomon had wisdom and he still blew it.  Knowledge doesn’t always transfer into conversion.  I’m not belittling any answer.
 
If in that pill I could give you a constant intentional knowledge that you were a child of God and that you were divine.  Would it affect your choices?  Your courage?  What you wanted to study? I think it would be one of the most powerful things that would affect our thoughts and behavior in everything we do.  We believe it for them.
 
I believe I am a child of God, but I have to become worthy.  I have to get over my weaknesses.  Instead of saying I am divine and can overcome weaknesses.  If we doubt ourselves do we really believe we are divine?  Are we living divine?  If we feel like those weaknesses control us do we really feel our divinity?
 
Class member:  I was listening to Hank Smith “Who art thou? For behold I am a Son of God”.  This is a Satan killing scripture.  It’s been powerful in our family.  It’s simple.  I don’t change it. 
 
What is Satan’s line?  Satan said, “Son of man”.  He says “I am not!”  Are we a son of man or of God.
 
Class member:  This has been a hard year for me because my husband is a bishop.  He said I wish you could understand how hard Satan is working.  It’s not just kids that struggle with it.  It’s because we struggle with it.
 
Today and next week dovetail each other.  My goal is to tie those two together. 
 
On your paper right now write down 3 Spiritual Gifts that you have…..
 
If I say write your parenting weaknesses you could write them very quickly.  We spend more time focusing on our weaknesses instead of trying to focus on magnifying a strength.  Most of your New Year’s goals were to fix weaknesses instead of magnifying strengths.  That transfers from us into our parenting and our children sing the song “I am a Child of God” and how we treat our children that it makes them feel like they are not divine…that they can BECOME, but they aren’t now. 
 
 
1.  Core Personality—I think we each came with our own personality from heaven.  We know the prophets, Joseph Smith, Emma, Mary were all foreordained.  How could that happen unless they were something up there.  Heavenly Father didn’t say, “This blob will be Abraham, and this will be Joseph Smith.”  You know that everyone fought valiantly on the side of the Lord.  You were feisty.  You were fighters.  I’ll bet you said some harsh things to those other guys.  You were the noble and the great.  Some of you are thinking…I know they are, but not me.  You are the noble and great.  Then we forgot we were fabulous.  We spend the rest of our life trying to figure out we are fabulous.  We know there were leaders that had personalities of leadership.  Some of us were on the team, but we weren’t the boss.  A good leader has to have some followers.  We all chose the right part.  We didn’t all have the same personality.  We were all individual. 
 
With 3 or more children I guarantee you know they aren’t the same.  I guarantee that one of them is an interesting experience to raise.  One is probably easy to raise, which makes the hard one harder. 
 
2.  Gender—We know that you were a woman or a man before you came to earth.  That was determined…a long time ago.  We were male or female before we came.  Being male and female means that from the pre-existence you were endowed with different attributes.  You came to earth thinking different from each other.  You came to earth with different responsibilities in life.  You came equipped (you brought it with you) to be a noble son/daughter.  Our responsibility is to open and use that package here.  If you are married to a man they are going to think different than you.  When we get to marriage we are going to talk about these differences.  You aren’t supposed to think the same.  You come to a unity of ideas, but you aren’t the same. 
 
You have little girls cradling babies.  You have boys that came knowing how to make gun and car sounds.  You have girls that know how to show love by cuddling up and boys that only know how to show love by smacking you on the arm.
 
3.  Environment—I think personality can be influence a lot by environment…social, athletic, educational, birth order.  As I get my children together…I had girls then 5 boys and then a girl.  The last girl didn’t have the experiences as the other girls. 
 
Those things are all factors.  Not any one of them determines who you are alone.  This is critical: all of these can be modified/changed/improved through the Atonement!!  Through the power of Atonement we can overcome any weakness in any area.  The goal is to take any weakness we have and overcome them through the Atonement….to become perfect…being whole.  I don’t want anyone to get discouraged.
 
Parenting, marriage, cub scout, YW leader…the key is to understand people.  We often think…if you think like I do we will get along.  You really just want someone to agree with you and want them to be submissive to you.  That is Satan’s plan. 
 
The idea is to figure out what is inside you and your children and your husband when they don’t know what’s in them themselves. 
 
You are going to look at yourself and see your flaws.  You are going to pigeon-hole people.  You use this to know what tools you need to approach these children.
 
You have core strengths and weaknesses.  One color is a natural listener.  As you talk to that person they know how to ask questions.  They will pull stuff out of you.  Another one has no patience for listening.  I care that your miserable.  I don’t want to hear the 3 month saga to get you there.  I want to go to the bottom line.  If you are a do-er you have to learn how to listen.  If you are the natural listener you need to learn how to be more of a do-er. 
 
COLOR CODE TEST by Taylor Hartman You can take the test online @  http://www.colorcode.com/free_personality_test/
 
Homework:  Try to put people in a “color category”
 
A=Red
B=Blue
C=White
D=Yellow
 
This is typical among most LDS groups…highest-Blue, lowest-Yellow
 
There is no bad color.  Every color has strengths and every color has weaknesses.  The goal is that you have become more of a rainbow.  You want to pick up the strengths of the other colors and magnify your own. 
 
The strengths of the blue come to me naturally.  Because they come to me naturally I can’t understand why other people don’t have them.  Blues care about other people.  Reds want to get things done regardless of feelings.  I can’t be angry at a red for having that outlook.  If you had a red child you teach them to become more patient with people.  If you have a white child you teach them to step up and take leadership.  Yellows are fun…they are loud and obnoxious.  You have to learn from the other colors. 
 
Red: opinionated, power oriented, dominate, decisive, arrogant, assertive, bossy, responsible, strong willed, good dynamic leaders that get things done, product oriented, they walk over people but get the job done, logical, always right, merciless
 
Weaknesses:  dominate personality, they walk over others, they don’t listen to other opinions.  Donald Trump is a good example of that personality.  They make a lot of money.  They get things done.  In a personal relationship they don’t understand feelings.  They can be insensitive.  They don’t like to admit they need people.  They don’t know how to be affectionate.  If you need that intimacy you have to help them learn to see if and give it. 
 
Core need: Power…they need to feel  like they are in control.  That’s their feeling of worth.
 
If you have a red child and are a red parent there is a lot of conflict.  The red parent has to learn to parent the red child.
 
Create situations that they can be in charge.  You pick the 4 jobs that you will be in charge of.  Don’t stop parenting. A red needs to understand emotional needs.
 
Blue:  idealistic, moody, depressed, respectful of other people, naturally have good manners, unforgiving, judgemental, deliberate, boring, don’t take riskes
Core need:  They need intimacy.
 
We are the moral guardians of the world.  Right is right and you do what’s right.  We are critical of ourselves.  We are guilt prone because we don’t keep all the commandments correctly.  Lecturers!  We talk way too much.  We are boring.  We like security.  Blues need to learn how to be fun.  I need yellows to teach me how to be fun.  I need Whites to teach me how to listen.  Very moral.  Very high desire to do what’s right.
 
 White: 
Core need: They need peace.
 
A white will slink in and sit in the back row.  They want you to get to the point.  They don’t want to hear the lecture.  They can’t stand being the center.  They are prone to quitting.  They are perfectionists.  They don’t want the attention that comes with a mistake.  White’s need private time and space.  They need to have some, but they also need to learn to be integrated into a group.  There is great leadership in the church from whites.  You will never find them volunteering and wanting to be the leader.  They are dependable, committed and loyal.  White’s don’t tend to be warm fuzzies.  They don’t like the intimacies.  It needs to be respected.  They need to be taught to give and receive intimacy.  White child can be easily broken.  It’s easier to change direction in the child than stop them, break them, and then restart them.  We need to redirect our children. 
 
A red parent will get angry and fly off and the white child can be destroyed.  You need to be kind and patient with a white child.  You have to do it in a softer manner.  You have to be careful of words that you use.  They have to be walked with way more than a red or a blue.  They need to find courage that they can succeed.  They need to have belief in themselves while they are developing it.  When they get it they are fabulous companions and care about and listen to each other. 
 
 
Yellow:
Core need:  They just want to have fun in life.  When a yellow walks in the room they are loud.  They are fun to have. 
 
 
Reds & Yellows watch them as they grow into teens.  They are more drawn to the things of the world.  Yellows need friends.  They need to be popular and the center of attention.  They need to have good friends so they can be the center of attention with good people. 
 
Red & Blue personalities are very strong personalities.  A red says we will do this because it’s the right thing to do because I say it’s the right thing to do.  The blue will do the right thing because it is morally right and will fight to the death for the moral right.  The red will explode and then it’s gone.  They don’t backpack it.  The blue will fight the same fight and my right is morally right.  We will get in this discussion and 6 days later I’m still replaying it in my head.  I can’t let it go.  The red doesn’t even remember it anymore.  Blues have to stop backpacking. 
 
There is something that we all need to learn and we all need to learn from each other.
 
HOMEWORK: LDS.org link to Sunday journaling  This week write each of your children.  Write what color you think they are. Write your spouse and what color you think they are.  Write down what you think their spiritual gifts are.
 
HOMEWORK:  Read the syllabus for insight.
 
Preschool kids….that is hard to do.  A 2 year old will throw temper tantrums…not necessarily red.  Before they are 8 yrs old it’s harder to place them in a category. 
 
President Eyring “O Remember Remember”
“ I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done. More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.
 
HOMEWORK:  Read the talk by President Uchtdorf “Forget me not”.  Say a prayer before you read it.
 
HOMEWORK:  Get on and join the Facebook Group---Carleen Tanner’s Positive Parenting.

What did you think? 
 
Class member:  Last night I had my older girls take the test…8, 10, 12.  I knew what my oldest and younger one was.  When we were done the oldest one said she was a yellow/red tie.  My younger one is the brightest yellow you have ever met.  She does cartwheels on her way to go everywhere.  She said she was a white/yellow.  My oldest one then said I’m not yellow.  My middle one is white.  I was proud of my younger one because she said we need to write down all our weaknesses and strengths.  We need to focus on our weaknesses and make them strengths. 
 
Class member:  I took the challenge to have my husband take the test for me.  I did kind of feel mad after.  I have always thought I was yellow/blue mix.  My husband pegged me as more red.  I thought that was more interesting.  People might not always know our reasons for doing things.  He is blue/white.  It was interesting to see how he sees me as more dominant and more power. 
 
That doesn’t surprise me.  You are the one that is usually disciplining children.  You come across as very strong.  Your intentions may be different. 
 
Class member:  We actually didn’t do the test yet.  I was looking at my kids.  My son was very, very blue until his 8th grade year and now he is so white.  I’m interested to see what he says on the test. 
 
I have a son like that who was amazing, but then quit caring about grades.  He got his Eagle the night before he was 18.  He has created and run his own business.  The drive came back, but he has to want it.
 
Class member:  Don’t you think if you are that blue you don’t want people telling you what to do.  If you feel like people are telling you what to do maybe he is pulling back.
 
You have to find a hot button to kick-start that drive.
 
Class member:  I have a question about whites.   My son is 26, but for white it says they need help expressing their feelings and needs.  Would you make that a daily or weekly thing?  At some point the whites keep it all in. 
 
With whites you cannot demand anything.  You have to be very kind.  The white is the easiest to break.  They are more fragile.  They keep all their feelings and emotions in.  They have them very strong.  They keep their feelings inside until they feel like it’s very safe.  They will never be the ones that come to you.  You make it safe for a white by asking questions and not giving lectures at the same time.  When you ask a question and they get the courage to give you the answer don’t tell them they are wrong.  Teaching with a white is always more effective if you do it through questions where the answer is what you would lecture them.  If you come down hard on a white you will break them.  They will say I don’t care and quit. 
 
Class member:  There were parts of me that were white.  I wasn’t a good communicator.  I decided I needed to work harder at that. 
 
Communication is something all of us need to work on.  When I would start to say my opinion someone would jump in so I would just sit back and wait for someone to ask my opinion.  We will ask our children the question and then give them the answer that we wanted to hear from them.  They won’t talk to us because they think we don’t care about what they have to say. 
 
We train our children and each other to tune out on us.  We go through life feeling lonely and empty like our opinions don’t answer.  We have trained ourselves to not be good communicators. 
 
Class member:  I had an observation.  Reds kind of get the short end of the stick with being Christ-like. 
 
I think Peter was red.  I think if you had the quorum on the 12 take the test they would be red.  They have learned the traits of the others.  We can learn and through the Atonement we can learn.  I think you would be hard pressed to find a true white.  They have learned to be humble, have faith, and have a strong personality.  Once Peter got that it is his right.  He will defend it with heart and soul.  They have a journey to gain that faith.
 
Class member:  Do you change colors?  If I took the test now and take it again in 10 years will it be different.
 
I think if you took the test 10 years ago and took it now you would be different because the red is learning to be more sensitive. 
 
Class member:  Is it more a guideline to follow?
 
If you take a true blue that is critical, they fight that tendency for years.  I am much better than I used to be, but I still catch myself and have to fix it.  We may deal with our weaknesses but it may be an area of sensitivity.  It may be a cross we bear.  Through the Atonement and making weak things become strong we want to become a rainbow.  I have become a lot more fun.  I have worked hard to develop some yellow. 
 
I think the test is a great tool and a key, but it’s not a doctrine.
 
Class member:  Last year we each took it for ourselves.  I am red/yellow.  He is blue/white.  This year we took it for each other and our answers were almost identical. 
 
When you can accept that you are very different and that is the blessing you can work great together.
 
Class member: I think my daughter is white.  She came to me with an issue she was having in school.  I didn’t handle it well and she kind of shut down.  She has had a hard year.  Can you fix a white after you have broken them?
 
The key word is kindness.  Don’t gush in praises to a white.  They can’t handle that either.  It’s soft and kind with a white.  Eventually she will come around.  Learning to ask questions to her about lots of things.  If you have a white and they show a sign they want to share then stop and let them have those opportunities when they are in the mood.  The other thing with whites you have to be careful not to let them go into a cave.  They would prefer to be by themselves and disassociate.  In order to teach them how to handle people you have to be there.  You want them to have conversations and interact with people.  They entertain themselves and are happy.
 
Class member:  My white had something happen and she shut down this weekend.  She is 10.  I asked her questions about “How can I be a better Mom?”  “Can you help me know what I can do different?” 
 
Don’t ask that question to a red, but it’s a great question to ask a white. 
 
Class member:  I asked my children what I could do better.  One said he wished I would go snowboarding.  My yellow knew that would ruin his fun. 
 
I think it’s wonderful if you are brave what you could do better as a parent.  You need to ask them what you are doing well as a parent.  You have to be careful when you give your children permission to criticize.  Have them look at both sides.  It’s a good experience for both of you. 
​

​A couple came in for counseling and they said we want a divorce.  We can’t stand each other.  The girl started out and said she had been raised in Australia on a cattle ranch.  Her Dad passed away.  She was the oldest girl of several girls.  She was early teens.  She became the foreman of the ranch.  She made decisions.  If there was a bad day you do what has to be done, when it has to be done no matter the conditions.  She went to Utah for college.  The boy said he grew up in New York.  He had 5 older sisters.  He was the baby boy.  His mother and the 5 older sisters had doted on him.  He was the prince.  They loved him.  They coddled him.  That’s how he was raised.  He went to college.  They met.  You have these 2 polar opposite backgrounds in college and they get married.  Bishop Anderson said tell me what’s going on now.  She said let me give you an example.  I got up and woke him up and he was still in bed.  I said what is wrong with you.  We have to go to work.  He said, “I don’t feel very good today.”  He has the sniffles and he wants me to get orange juice.  He said I don’t think I can go to work today. 
 
Were either one of them wrong?  No.  It’s just what you were bringing.  She thought he was wrong.  Neither one thinks the other is what they married.  There is nothing wrong with either one.  Their environment creates real differences in them. 
 
Take into account 3 things with your relationship to your spouse, and your relationship to each individual children. 
 
1.  Environment….this also includes your birth order, where you live, school experiences, church and friends. That birth order by nature changes you.  Your children are all having different experiences.  They are NOT all having the same experience.  You have 2 children next to each other one is obedient and runs to do your bidding.  The other is an airhead and drives you crazy.  The truth is NOT what you feel it is what they perceive.  How do they think you love them? 
 
You have to give up your box and try to see through their box before you can influence them.  Part of seeing through their box is to understand them.  You have to stop and individually look at the environment that each of your children have even growing up in your home.  You look in their box at their environment. 
 
Class member:  “Thinking of your child as misbehaving…punishment.  Thinking of them as in distress helps you see it through their eyes.”
 
2.  Gender….boys are different than girls.  Boys come into this world showing love by smacking each other.  Wrestling says I love you.  Hitting each other says I love you. 
 
We put 4’ wide halls in our home that we built.  We did it because I want 2 kids to walk down that hall without touching each other.  They didn’t.  They walked into each other and knocked pictures off the wall.
 
You also have to learn that they don’t know boundaries.  I would take the top body and take their belt and yank it as hard as I could when it wasn’t play for all of them anymore.  You just need to distract them and get them doing something else.  It starts as showing love, but moves to the younger one getting abused. 
 
Girls are hormonal from birth.  They boob, bawl, pout, etc.   You have to teach a boy to be more gentle.  You have to teach a girl to not be so emotional. 
 
Class member:  I got a call from someone in the ward saying my daughter was hitting hers.  She has 5 older brothers.  We were discussing how to teach her to be gentle.
 
3.  Core personalities….Every child comes with their own personality. 
 
My twin granddaughters have distinctive personalities.  One is very dependable and content, knows her letters, and is potty trained.  The other will go to kindergarten in diapers. 
 
It’s time to go to bed.  One runs to get undressed.  The other one just sits there and looks at you.  When they finally move they pick up a toy in the next room…2 hours later you are yapping at them to get dressed.  We say one is obedient and the other is disobedient. 
 
When they get in school they get all their assignments done and the other doesn’t until the very last hour.  They are kings of procrastination.
 
Once you understand core personalities you can pigeon hole anyone for 1 week, because you are getting an idea of what this is all about.  This is a tool not to put someone in a box, but to help you know how to talk to them, understand them, and motivate them. 
 
If you are interested there are tests online for youth, adults.  Color Code Test Online.  The author is Hartman Taylor.
 
This becomes affective about 8 years old.
 
What you think your kids are you will find out they are something else. 
 
Red (A)

• Strong personalities and sometimes get them confused with blue.
• Always right because they are always right (power).
• Won’t back down.

 
 
Blue (B)

• Strong personalities and sometimes get confused with red.
• Always right because it’s morally right.  It’s not that I’m right it’s that the gospel said this is what we do.
• Won’t back down.

 
 
White (C)

• A bit of a scary personality, because they can be broken.  You can break them easily without knowing it. 
• They are more shy and introverted. 
• They like to watch what happens.
• They have a ‘flat-line’ personality.  They never get excited and never get angry.
• They can’t stand contention, but it doesn’t mean they will be obedient.  They will listen to you, but still do what they want to do.
• You have to correct a white with lots of kindness and patience.
• Perfectionists.

 
 
Yellow (D)

• They are delightful and fun.
• They are irresponsible and unorganized.

 
A-Opinionated
B-Nurturing
C-Inventive
D-Outgoing
 
A—Dominant
B—Sympathetic
C—Tolerant
D—Enthusiastic
 
A—Arrogant
B—Worry prone
C—Silently stubborn
D—Flighty
 
A—Action oriented—take control and will do it.  They will walk over anyone that stands in their way.  They care about product.
B—Analytical—what is the right thing to do.
C—Easy going—stay level all the time.
D—Carefree—Don’t worry about it.
 
A—Logical
B—Emotional—If you are blue and a woman you are an emotional basket case
C—Agreeable
D—Popular—seek popularity.  They will give into the crowd.  They want to be accepted.  They need to be the center of attention.  They are very likable.  They have a sense of humor, but they cannot be quiet.  If you have a child that is yellow they don’t get what quiet means.
 
A—Insensitive
B—Judgmental—we expect perfectionism in ourselves.  We have a low tolerance for their flaws.
C—Boring
D—Undisciplined
 
A—Merciless—insensitive to others feelings.  If I need to walk over you to accomplish what I need to do I will walk over you.  They don’t reach out to see what others feel.  If you are a red woman that may not be as prominent characteristic because a woman tends to be more nurturing.
B—Thoughtful
C—Uninvolved
D—A show off—slightly obnoxious as children.  As adults they can be trained out of it.
 
A—Direct
B—Creative
C—Adaptable—don’t want to cause waves
D—Performer
 
A—As an adult opinionated, determined, and bossy
B—As an adult responsible, honest, and unforgiving.  I backpack my flaws and yours. 
C—As an adult accepting, contented, and unmotivated.  They are happy to just stay still.  It takes too much energy or thought to change situations.
D—As an adult charismatic, positive, and obnoxious. 
 
A—As a parent demanding, quick tempered, and uncompromising.  Your children will do it your way and do it now.
B—As a parent concerned, sensitive, and critical.  We are fabulous referees.  We can blow the whistle and throw the flag in a minute.
C—As a parent permissive, easily overwhelmed, and easily persuaded.  You don’t stand to the rules.  You give in.  You give them what they want to buy peace.
D—As a parent playful, casual, and unorganized.  Let’s just react and party with the day.
 
According to Taylor Hartman you usually are one major color.  You have a core color, but when you get angry I tend to swing white I will give in.  The blue will backpack that forever.  I won’t argue and fight, but I will remember it.  Blues get even.  How I get you is the silent treatment.  You get really snotty. 
 
Blues seek an emotional revenge.  We aren’t out to hurt them, but we really are.  “Well find if you don’t like what we are having for dinner make your own.”  Blues tend to be pin prickers…agree and then throw the dart.
 
A—If you get angry and plan to get even quickly.  A red will argue to prove they are right.
B—If you are blue you feel deeply hurt and find it almost impossible to forgive, and generally seek a way to get even (emotional revenge). 
C—If you are white you are silently hurt and completely avoid the person.  They won’t say anything in the conflict just withdraw from the relationship.
D—If you are yellow they will avoid conflict.  They won’t argue because it’s not worth it and they will find someone else.
 
Look in the syllabus…. “Color Code”
 
Each color has definite strengths.  Each color has distinctive weaknesses.  You need to learn what those are. 
 
Red—strength:  leader, see things through, organize them and see them through.
Red—weakness:  don’t see other people’s feelings. 
Red child—If you power struggle with a red you intensify it.  If you are willing to argue with a red child when they are a teen they will win all the time and you will be exhausted.  Give a red responsibility…to magnify their strength, then teach them how to be sensitive to others feelings. 
 
How do you do teach that?  It’s like teaching them a foreign language because if someone makes them mad they take care of it.  They usually cut that person off because they aren’t obedient to them.  Teach them service. 
 
Class member:  It’s been important to see what they are and then you can learn.  It has been liberating to know who I am and why I’m the way I am. 
 
I found out that I was a blue and found out I was critical and it broke my heart, but it was liberating.  I will probably work on that all my life.  It doesn’t mean I’m bad or good.  I have now learned to incorporated the attribute to look for the good and be happy…a yellow characteristic. 
 
Learning the color code is to understand who you are and what you bring to the table.  What do you need to work on to be a better parent?  The second thing is to help your children understand their strengths and to magnify them.  Teach them the strengths of the other colors. 
 
Your white needs to learn to be a leader.  In the church you will find white personalities that are fabulous leaders.  You use this to help them develop into the rainbow.  Some things come naturally and some things you have to learn.
 
Class member:  We did this for FHE one year and I’m a white.  I kind of knew what my kids were (15 son and 12 daughter).  I wanted to see if they could figure out what they were.  I wanted it to be an ‘ah-ha’ moment for them.  It was like both children had this light bulb go off in their heads.  My kids fought all the time.  At the end we talked about each personality.  They kind of realized why they did things.  My kids have amazingly gotten along so much better because they understand each other so much better.  My husband is blue.  I’m white.  My son is red.  My daughter is yellow.  The dynamic in our family changed dramatically.  This is a great tool. 
 
Homework assignment….Study the syllabus under the “Color Code”.  Figure out who you are and who your children are and who you think your spouse is.  The best thing to do is to take the test. 
 
If you have the courage to take the test for each other you cannot be mad or backpack it. 
 
You have to learn the strengths of the other colors.  Because they come naturally to you and you don’t have to learn them we think that is how everyone is.  You have to work to teach the strengths of the other colors. 
 
If you choose to do this with your spouse other people see you differently than you see yourself. 
 
“You see yourself according to your intentions.  You see others according to their behavior.”
 
If I am late picking up a child and I have X,Y,Z reasons…they were all good then I still feel I am a good person because my intention was to be on time.  I got waylaid by good stuff, but I’m still good.  If you are waiting at the church and are waiting for him to pick you up.  He is late 30 minutes.  He started out with good intentions, but he didn’t get there on time and you judge him on his behavior. 
 
Lion would be red/blue.
Antelope would be white/yellow.
 
The goal for yourself and your children is to teach them to become a rainbow.  You want them to have everything.  The Savior had the best of all of it.  That is our goal.  Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort.  Do the other.  That’s how we grow and build relationships.  This is a fabulous tool in learning how to work with people.  You will discover their heart and they open the door you can touch it and lead them to the Savior.

Share which class impacted you most this semester.

Class member:  I am humbled because I came to the 4 legs of the table.  We have that done, but my attitude isn’t there.  I felt inspired on things to do to make it fun.  I wanted to get it ‘into’ instead of just ‘unto’.

Class member:  The first lesson…making your children self reliant.  When she had a suggestion to just let her try.  Backing them into an emotional corner.  I liked that too.  Hopefully after today this will be a good one.

Class member:  I enjoyed the color code.  I am white.  My husband is white.  My daughter is red/yellow.  It was hard.  It was good to recognize her strengths.  We had to focus on how much it didn’t bother us. 

A white parent has to learn to be a little more firm with a red.

Class member:  I liked the doctrine on the family a lot.  I didn’t even think about communication.  I read President Hinckley’s talk before he gave the Proclamation.

We believe in eternal families and being married in the temple, but we don’t teach the doctrine.

Class Member:  This has been my 3rd session.  My all time favorite was Doctrine on the Family.  I’m in the Primary as well.  I can’t forget about the flack with that new song in Primary, but to hear the negative aspect has been making me think a lot.  I couldn’t shake that lesson.  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

Follow the prophets.  Cling to them.  Hang on to them.  You are going to hear things.  If the Lord wants the doctrine changed he will change it not social media or pressure.  The times are going to get worse in the church.  The parable of the 10 virgins is the members of the church.  Be careful.  Don’t be swept by someone in the church that starts teaching you something.  If you can back it up by what the brethren say.  When the Lord wants us to have it, it will come from the brethren.  Listen to what they say about same-sex marriages.  We love the people, but don’t accept the practice.

Class member:  It’s interesting that the morals have changed.  We haven’t changed.  They have.  It was not acceptable to get pregnant when you were 15.  You didn’t go to school for 9 months.  We aren’t the ones who have changed.  Society has. 

The prophets have said that we need to stand out as a happy peculiar people.  Joy that we are free from the bondage those things create.  Don’t feel angry or ashamed.  Those who came and partook and the people  laughed and were ashamed and were lost. 

Class member:  Yesterday my teenage daughter opened up a debate about whether you can legislate morality.  She was attacked by students, peers, and teacher.  She was afraid to go to school.  She was afraid she had said the wrong thing.  My husband is meeting with the principal and the teacher today at lunch. 

To have your husband go and defend her you are doing it.  That is bullying. 

Class member:  The teacher has an agenda.  He is malicious with her.  She is afraid of him and the students. 

You are doing what’s right in defending her and helping her.  We are all going to have that.  Our young people many of them are facing that.  It’s easier to capitulate than to stand up for what is right.  We stand by them and cheer them on. 

Class member:  Studies show that kids do better with a mother and father.  He left his wife and left his kids.  He knows. 

This is what our children are facing.  Adults and peers will attack them.  This is it.

Class member:  Even with your daughter the most important thing is that she knows you are behind her.  Our daughter came home and explained what happened with a teacher and vice-principal.  They had bullied her into saying she had done something she hadn’t.  Her whole demeanor changed when she knew that her Mom believed her.

Over time it will give her courage.  It won’t take away the pain or the fear.  This is beyond her capacity.  You don’t have to let them fight this battle alone.  It sends a message that I care about you and I will stand up for you when you stand up for what is right.  If he is that bitter and angry he can’t leave it alone.  They think they should choose their way, but you aren’t allowed to choose your opinion. 

Class member:  It’s great that you have taught her well enough to be able to stand for what is right.

Class member:  When enough people stand up for what is right.  There is a girl involved in band she was a habitual liar.  Because he was her section leader he was involved in everything and went to the band director.  Maybe this is just the first time, but after a few more maybe something will be done. 

There is heat when you stand up for what is right.  I’m proud of you, your family, and I’m proud of her.  What a wonderful daughter you have.

Class member:  We were following along in the morality section and a lot of it will fall in to that

How did you do on your pigeon holing?   What did you discover?  What did you find out? 
Class member:  When you are first in class and you were going through everything I thought my husband is SO red.  I was almost discouraged.  I was annoyed a little.  The whole last week I realized that something he did was no a red characteristic.  I realized he has a lot of different colors in them. 

Red husbands will provide for you. 

Class member:  With wife is yellow.  With kids is red. 

It is just interesting to look and see.

Class member:  I took the test.  I have been blue, but some of the others were harder to pick from this time.  My husband is sick and so I’ve had to take over the red.

Class member:  I’m pretty sure my younger daughter is yellow with some red.  She likes to slow down and look at pictures.  She likes to let her mind wander.  Yesterday at the pediatrician I’m going to talk really loud and be the center of attention. 

Yellows even as adults don’t get the idea of hurry. 

Class member:  I have a son that is fluorescent yellow.  Primary teacher and other parents have a struggle with him.  I have another daughter that I had a hard time figuring out.  I think she is red.  The “Don’t section” with Parenting was really helpful.

Class member:  I had heard of the color code a lot.  I had an aunt who presented the color code classes.  We did it at the family reunion.  I didn’t have a positive attitude about it.  You said the Atonement allows you to be anyway you want to be.  I really appreciated that.  We do have strong personalities in our family.  Through the Atonement we want the strengths in all of them. 

There is a lot of information.  After that one week you can’t pigeon hole after that.  It’s a tool to help you understand people’s personalities.  You need to understand clearly that some things comes naturally to you, but that doesn’t make you good or bad.  We need to work on our natural weaknesses and use our natural strengths.

Class member:  My daughter is a yellow and I’m blue.  I had a hard time understanding her.  She is also turning 3.  I learned to make it fun and it’s a game and she did almost everything I wanted her to do. 

White’s are soft gentle personalities.  They are good listeners.  They marry a red.  They were attracted to the rd in dating.  The red is on their best behavior while they are dating.  For a red they are project prone.  When they are in a project they are focused in the project.  When you are dating it is their project.  They are fabulous.  When you get married that’s not the project.  Red’s sometimes then move on and tend to forget to nurture.  Sometimes the poor little white wife can feel really lonely.  It’s not that the marriage is bad.  Now we have to learn to communicate.  It’s like fire and ice marrying each other.  You don’t give up and say I married the wrong person. 

Class member:  Last week when you were saying think about your kids, don’t think about your husband.  You asked ‘How many of you have labeled your husband?’  We had the goal to be married in the temple.  We were just at the reflection pond just sitting there being peaceful.   I’m imagining the day we will be sealed.  I figured he was thinking the same thing.  He was trying to decide whether to be Darth Vader or Spiderman.  We just know that we think differently.  Humor helps so much in those situations. 

Blues take real offense.  That hurts them to the core.  They backpack it. 

Class member:  I’ve been thinking about the color code.  It’s interesting how blue/red I am.  I’m realizing that he is blue/red and we clash.  My husband is a red/yellow.  I just have to be more aware of him and how he is in his personality. 

I think one of the most important things from the color code lesson is to learn that being a marriage partner or a parent requires getting out of yourself.  We act according to how “I” feel.  Very rarely do we get out of ourselves and look at the feelings from our spouse or our child.  This is a challenge to get out of who you are.  Stand aside and check and see how they are feeling. 

Class member:  I wanted to share one thing. I did the color code for family home evening.  They wrote their answers down.  My husband and I already new what our kids were.  We just wanted to see if they came up with the same colors we thought they were.  When my kids learned about the strengths and weaknesses in each color, it flipped a switch in their heads.  It really taught them so much about themselves.  They have been much more tolerant and helpful towards each other.  It helps me understand because my husband is blue.  I’m white.  My son is red and my daughter is yellow.  We have quite the fireworks at our home.

You are creating this feeling and love of the scriptures.  They will love it and want it in their lives.  Do you think kids learn anything in nursery?  No.  My goal was to make them feel warm and loved and want to come to church.  They are learning that they really want to be there. 

I wasn't able to attend the Color Code class, but here are links to those notes from previous years. 

COLOR CODE TEST by Taylor Hartman You can take the test online @  http://www.colorcode.com/free_personality_test/

2-14-2013  Color Code (By Tracy Troutman)
Jan 2012 Color Code
Jan 2012 Color Code (Follow Up)